The new ponies of Ponyville

by Dovacat

The Fresh OCs of Ponyville

Rainbow Dash was spending her morning like she always did laying on her cloud of fluffyness taking her typical 9 am nap. The streets below was filled with ponies and none ever bothered her anyway- "Oh Rainbow Dash!" Except for one. "Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie started screaming at her friend to get her attention which only upset Rainbow Dash even more. The ponies around Pinkie continued about their business. They were used to this considering Pinkie Pie did this every single day. Rainbow Dash had finally had enough and came down to Pinkie Pie. "What do you want Pinkie?" Pinkie leaped up and down excitedly. "I heard that some new ponies are coming to Ponyville and I couldn't keep it all to myself now could I? I had to let everypony know." Rainbow Dash looked at her pink friend "well you could have told me some other time Pinkie." The pink pony looked at her peagus friend and smiled. "Come on Rainbow Dash at least come and meet them." Rainbow dash face-hoofs and sighs. "Fine Pinkie but only if you leave me alone afterwards ok?" Pinkie's face lights up and a large smile expands over her face. "Oh no! I forgot to tell the others!"

Pinkie Pie proceeds to break the fourth wall opening a portal to the edge of Ponyville when suddenly the all mighty story writer's hoof comes down from the clouds and hits the ground. Suddenly a voice booms from the sky itself. "PINKIE PIE! THERE IS NO FOURTH WALL BREAKING IN MY STORY! Pinkie Pie looks up at the hoof with sad eyes. 'But but but." The voice boomed again loudly and shook the sky. "NO! MY JUDGEMENT IS FINAL! NOW WALK LIKE EVERY OTHER EARTH PONY!" Pinkie Pie thought for a moment. "Hey can I have some candy then?" The giant hoof pauses for a moment thinking it over. "Alright fine but just this once." Poof a piece of candy appears in her hoof which she eats happily and loudly. The great hoof disappeared into the clouds without another word as quickly as it came. Pinkie Pie looked to Rainbow Dash. "See you later Rainbow Dash!" She hopped off to Fluttershy's house humming to herself. Rainbow Dash looked to the sky blankly. "I don't even want to know anymore." She turns and began to head towards the ponies gathering to meet the new ponies.

Fluttershy was busy in her garden yet again frowning at the stubborn flower in her garden which refused to grow tall and healthy when Pinkie Pie came in through the gate behind her. Fluttershy looks up and turns towards the gate. "Oh hey Pinkie." Pinkie smiles and looks at the flower. "Ooooooo what a pretty flower but why is it down and not up like the rest? Oh well never mind that. Fluttershy did you hear that there are new ponies moving into Ponyville?" Fluttershy looks back to her flowers. "Yeah I heard Twilight told me." Pinkie barely able to hold back her excitement grabs Fluttershy. "Well what are we waiting for then? Let's go!" Pinkie Pie quickly drags Fluttershy to the town square arriving just as Rainbow Dash caught her first look of two ponies she never thought she would see again. Storm Chaser looked to his friend on his right. "This is certainly not what we expected to receive as a welcoming party, but chances are this is more for you then me Sarge." Sarge looked to his friend. "Don't be so down on yourself just because I took part in the war doesn't mean that they aren't excited to meet you too." Storm Chaser looked around. "yeah maybe your right-" he suddenly noticed Fluttershy and his heart skipped several beats as their eyes met. Storm Chaser had met many mares before, but he was certain that this was a new feeling for him. Unfortunately for him Sarge noticed. "You got your eyes on a mare? Now this is going to be inter-" he was cut off by the sound of hoofs approaching them.

Sarge turned from his friend to the pony approaching and was surprised to see Rainbow Dash standing before him. Rainbow Dash smiled her excitement showing through. "Hey Sarge I didn't realize you were back from the war and why are you here in Ponyville? Sarge smiles and explains. "Well Celestia thought that a little time to relax after coming back something to calm the mind and traveling a bit with Storm Chaser might help clear my mind." Rainbow Dash frowns at his words. "So how have you been since flight school?" Sarge smiles and he and Rainbow Dash begin to catch up on their many adventures since the last time they met.

Storm Chaser is trying everything in his power not to stare, but he couldn't tell if it was really her or not. After finally making sure it was he walked up to her. Fluttershy was getting closer and closer to him with each step he took and he became more and more nervous. He knew he had to say something to her, but he didn't know what. He forced himself to calm down just enough so his voice wouldn't change. "Hey Fluttershy." Fluttershy looks up at him then shyly back at the ground. "Oh hey Storm Chaser." Oh sweet Celestia just when he thought he couldn't get more nervous. "So how have you been Fluttershy?" Fluttershy looks up at him. "I'm doing alright how about you?" He shrugs a bit. "Well its a bit overwhelming, but what can you expect when you arrive with a war hero?" Fluttershy smiles "Not much I'd imag-"

Suddenly a pink pony comes crashing into both Storm Chaser and Sarge knocking them both over. "HI! I'M PINKIE PIE WHAT'S YOUR NAMES?!" They looked to each other surprised by the earth pony being so eager. Then Sarge spoke up. "I'm Selfless Guardian but you can call me Sarge and this is Storm Chaser." They couldn't even get in another word before she was dragging them to a tour of Ponyville. "This is City Hall, there's Sugercube couner, Twilight's house, she's my friend you know my best friend since she came here. I mean I have plently of friends but I'm really close with her and there's Carousel Boutique my friend Rarity owns it. She's an amazing designer by the way and-" The two pegasi rush to stop her. "Ok Pinkie Pie was it?" Sarge waited while she nods excitedly. "Thank you for the tour but I have been here before I know my way around so I will be going now."

Storm Chaser was now left alone with the pink pony which only made him uncomfortable. "So Pinkie Pie what do you do here in Ponyville anyway?" Pinkie's face lit up instantly and before he knew what was happening the pink pony was telling him every single thing that has happened in Ponyville. After about 30 minutes the mare finally stopped leaving Storm Chaser in a daze. So let me get this straight you know what every pony is doing at any given moment?" Pinkie nods placing Storm Chaser into a bigger daze than before." So it was nice meeting you and all, but I really should get going the and you know find out where Sarge has gone off to. He heads off to find Sarge in a bit of a hurry so he doesn't get lost too quickly. Pinkie watches him leave and then realizes she has to go help Applejack and her family raise the barn yet again. She hurries off in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres.

Author's Note:

Yes the title is a reference to a certain pony's comment in the first chapter. All I have to say is enjoy and your welcome.

Comments

[Rainbow87dash]

Ok spread out your paragraphs
And New line New speaker

[Draknus2009]

Okay. I am giving you a thumbs up for the story, which is good. But now I shall give you some constuctive critism. Each of your paragraphs need to be split up into multiple paragraphs. The purpose of a paragraph is to talk about one main idea. Each of your paragraphs tend to talk about multiple things. Overall a paragraph can be as small as 1 sentence and no real max. (though in reality, they are usually 5-7 sentences at max) The next big thing to think about, is your sentence structure. While reading the story, several times I found myself having to stop, go back a sentence, and re-read what was written due to flaws in grammar and structure. The best way to fix this is actually by going to a questionable sentence and saying it out loud slowly and clearly. You should be able to find out what is wrong with the sentence and how to fix it that way. One last thing, I highly suggest reading the Writing Guide in the FAQ of Fimfiction. It's kind of lengthy, but there are links to certain sections so you can go directly to the section you have quetions about. It helps not just for grammar and structure, but actually helps with EVERYTHING when writing a story. I actually fixed a lot of my writing problems by reading it.

Anyway. Thumbs up for creativity and story. Just try improving your writing as best you can.