I honestly don't understand the rating, this ain't that bad. It's actually fairly well written. I guess to many squeamish little philistines can't appreciate incest. It's fine, they probably only downvoted it because they can't read, so don't let it get you down. You did fine. Just work on your pacing, your build-up and don't be afraid to make a little more effort on the story.

Loathe,
Your Antagonist

Okay, while incest frankly disgusts me, I threw caution to the wind and read it to see if there was another reason for your downvote swarm. Luckily for you, there wasn't.

Every seems to be in place. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, it's all perfectly fine. I don't know what drove you to right incest in the first place, but I doubt you're going to become too popular if you keep doing so.

Anyway, not too bad, but the subject matter is going to draw a lot of hate.

It was written suprisingly well, very enjoyable and sensual. Even a non-clop writer like me can learn new ways to describe objects and scenery from this. The downvotes are unjustified, so have an upvote

1724162 Thanks for the tips. I now have words to put to the problems I noticed, pacing and build up. Effort shouldn't be a problem since my next one will be planned out and not on a whim. Thanks again.

1724176 Thanks for the info, it's useful to learn how the user base here works. I didn't realize incest was so frowned upon.

1724182 Yay someone learned something one of my writings! Thanks for reading and the upvote.

The major problem with these stories is that Shining Armor wouldn't do this, the love between him and Cadence is too strong, aside from the fact that if this was a temptation for Shining he's supposed to be a representation of a noble knight, (the romanticized knight) therefore he would resist the temptation because a knight doesn't do that.

With this kind of clopfic, I feel that the scene could have gone better. It was one of the best short ones I have ever read, but I would suggest either continuing it or rewriting it for a better fit. More of Shining being forced into it and then enjoying it. It will be a challenge producing Twilight as a sex craving sister, but the end product should produce more likes. I would also like to commend you on your great grammar. I only saw maybe 1-3 errors. If you choose to carry this story on or rewrite it, I would be more than happy to help you with grammar, scene creation, and anything else you need to further your work.

I fucking approve.

yes....ShiningLight is best ship

i.imgur.com/UJvgY.jpg

FUCK DUDE THATS HILARIOUS

1725054 So your only criticism is that you think that Shining don't do that kin'a shit?
The door's right over there bro, you can go whenever you want. Or, rather, whenever I want.

Which is now by the way.

1735786 More the OOC factor of it that irritates me.

1735863 But Shining isn't deeveloped as a character too much in the show...
This is based on your speculations of Shining Armor, as he's never developed to be especially faithful to Cadence or anything. It's just not shown that he isn't.

1740248 Good point but part of my assumption comes from the name (a not so subtle characterization cue) and just the strength of the spell Shining and Cadence cast. But I could be wrong

1740283 1740248 Hopefully the story development in chapter two will give you two a clearer picture of Shining Armor's extra love for his sister.

1725163 I've taken your advice and decided to draw the story out for at least another two chapters. I just might take your editing offer.

1741470 nah too weird for me

Not bad, will watch this story definately

Also don't listen to what the negative folk say

Incest clopfics have a pretty polarizing effect, if you see the other incest Fics you will notice they tend to do very well even though they have a lot of negative comments.

If Shakespeare wrote mlp porn I imagine it would look like this.

Seriously though, great work!

1743337 Thanks for the info. I've noticed the trend and will keep it in mind with my further writings.
1759783 I don't know if I would call it that good, but thanks for the compliment!

Not bad, although a bit of backstory both on their relationship and their current situation would have been nice.

I give this story four Rainbows -
Three Twilights -
and two Applejacks _

That was beyond amazing. Holy hell. Do more.

Me Gusta.

Only one criticism:

The presence of her brother's third leg...

Shouldn't this be his fifth leg?

For the love of god, please don't let candy-asses dictate your creativity. People telling you to not write incest because it's gross is the same ideology behind the censorship of Derpy. I beg of you, write what you want to write!! If people don't like it, they can suck on a fat monkey's asshole and move on. This is a fine story. I can't wait to read what's next, friend!

hot hot hot hot hot
more

yes, just... all of my yeses. more shiningXlight ships. if shining armor could have, I'm sure he would have married twilight. he obviously loves her the most.

>Shining armor let out a deep groan
kapital A pls