1786793>>1797287 Thanks for the kind words! I'm glad you liked it. 1781704 I've added a little background in chapter two. I really just wrote the first chapter with only clop as the goal because I wanted to try my hand at erotica. 1807250 I guess the human saying got stuck in my head when I typed that. Will fix, thanks.
1778161 I was referring to your writing style. The way you use different words or expressions every time, and your descriptions of the scenery make this seem rather poetic.
Poetic pornography. That's not something you see every day. Needless to say, awesome chapter.
Fuck that, this is excellent. I could gush on about the varied vocabulary and the creativity in the sex scenes, but I don't want to write a review as long as the chapter. Let me just say that I am truly impressed. One rarely sees this kind of quality in clopfiction.
The backstory is interesting, but if it happens after Cadence and Shining are married, why are they still living apart? Or am I misreading? Also, Cadence being openly polyamorous is something I can totally see.
1816965 I see, I'm glad you like it. It's one of the ways I try to make it more elegant. It's also why I avoid words like; fuck, shit, cum and such. 1817336 Gosh I'm glad you liked it. Let me try and clear that up since I didn't go into the utmost detail in the story.The time frame during the flashback is right after the wedding. The girls' returned to Ponyville but Twilight stayed to visit the parents. Shining Armor and Cadence do live together, but royal ponies can't take time off for the honeymoon so they're still in Canterlot. Shining Armor spent some of the nights/days off at his parent's house since Twiley was there. It's one of the nights when Twilight gets attacked. He then spends a little more time at the house helping Twilight, but he still technically lived with Cadence. 1818431 ^^ 1820396Whoops! I fixed that. Nice to hear, and I'm eager to continue writing.
You are mixing up the verbs laid and lay. lay, past tense of lie, is something one does to oneself. laid, past tense of lay, is something one does to someone/something else.
Let's examine your use of the word 'laid'.
Shining Armor climbed onto the couch and laid down
Shining Armor did this to himself, so use lay.
Twilight laid prostrate on her bedroom floor
Twilight did this to herself, so use lay
Twilight nuzzled closer to her brother and laid her head to rest on him
Twilight lay her head, not herself, so the use of laid is correct.
Twilight laid under her brother now
Twilight did this to herself, so use lay.
He took her in his grip and laid her back on the couch
This is correct since Shining laid something else (his sister) on the couch.
1786793>>1797287 Thanks for the kind words! I'm glad you liked it.
1781704 I've added a little background in chapter two. I really just wrote the first chapter with only clop as the goal because I wanted to try my hand at erotica.
1807250 I guess the human saying got stuck in my head when I typed that. Will fix, thanks.
1778161
I was referring to your writing style. The way you use different words or expressions every time, and your descriptions of the scenery make this seem rather poetic.
Poetic pornography. That's not something you see every day. Needless to say, awesome chapter.
This is good. This is very good.
Fuck that, this is excellent. I could gush on about the varied vocabulary and the creativity in the sex scenes, but I don't want to write a review as long as the chapter. Let me just say that I am truly impressed. One rarely sees this kind of quality in clopfiction.
The backstory is interesting, but if it happens after Cadence and Shining are married, why are they still living apart? Or am I misreading? Also, Cadence being openly polyamorous is something I can totally see.
Poor Twiley, though.
yunobuyshirt.nl/image/cache/data/Herfst%20Collectie/T2005%20-%20Me%20Gusta%20Mucho/Megusta_Mucho-47-650x650.jpg
The diversity of the descriptions in this story is admirable. The backstory was also nice, poor Twi.
I'm eagerly awaiting for more
1816965 I see, I'm glad you like it. It's one of the ways I try to make it more elegant. It's also why I avoid words like; fuck, shit, cum and such.
1817336 Gosh I'm glad you liked it. Let me try and clear that up since I didn't go into the utmost detail in the story.The time frame during the flashback is right after the wedding. The girls' returned to Ponyville but Twilight stayed to visit the parents. Shining Armor and Cadence do live together, but royal ponies can't take time off for the honeymoon so they're still in Canterlot. Shining Armor spent some of the nights/days off at his parent's house since Twiley was there. It's one of the nights when Twilight gets attacked. He then spends a little more time at the house helping Twilight, but he still technically lived with Cadence.
1818431 ^^
1820396 Whoops! I fixed that. Nice to hear, and I'm eager to continue writing.
wow a back story cool :-
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1935-132453195683.png
You are mixing up the verbs laid and lay.
lay, past tense of lie, is something one does to oneself.
laid, past tense of lay, is something one does to someone/something else.
Let's examine your use of the word 'laid'.
Shining Armor did this to himself, so use lay.
Twilight did this to herself, so use lay
Twilight lay her head, not herself, so the use of laid is correct.
Twilight did this to herself, so use lay.
This is correct since Shining laid something else (his sister) on the couch.
>sweat started to from
*form