Bitterness
“I tried to be good. I really did. But if that's not good enough, fine! Let's get back to basics!”
—Harley Quinn, from Batman: The Animated Series
“You who I called ‘Loved Ones,’ how could you all come to hate me so?”
“Is this what you wanted?”
“Sorry Twi, we should’ve listened to you” Applejack apologized to Twilight Sparkle as the Changeling Queen glances out to the Canterlot Streets.
The unicorn was about to say that it wasn’t their fault since the Changeling Queen tricked them all. But then she also remembered that they abandoned her during the rehearsal, and that they’ve shown no concern for her during the actual wedding. Then she began to remember how they treated her in the past. Twilight should’ve known from the start. It all started from their greedy demands for the tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala.
Soon, their abuse towards her flooded her mind. From the minor insults and named they’ve called her like “Egghead” and to them outright abandoning her from the rehearsal. The latter got to her the most; she remembered what the imposter Cadence said to her when Twilight was in the Canterlot caves:
“And no one would ever think to look for you, either.”
Her sadness and despair suddenly transformed into burning anger and deep resentment. No one bothered to check on her, they were all too busy comforting the imposter instead, and too busy with the damn wedding to care about her!
Since they no longer consider her their friend, she thought to herself, why should she consider them friends as well? Twilight Sparkle finally shot a glare so cold to the cowpony, that it sends a chill in Applejack’s spine.
"Yeah, you should have,” She said coldly towards Applejack who stepped back with her eyes widening, “Equestria is doomed now, thanks to all of you.”
Her friends were all shocked at Twilight for saying such a thing to them. Applejack winced at what the unicorn had said, and buried her face in her Stetson in shame. Rarity let out an audible gasp, and Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped. Fluttershy begins to cry quietly, and Pinkie Pie’s hair starts to deflate as her own tears start to form as well.
Twilight glared at their expressions, and arched an eyebrow. Was their remorse sincere or was it just all an act? The unicorn’s eyes flared up as she continued.
“But the real question is, ‘are you?’” Twilight snorted, “Otherwise, save your fake remorse, because deep down, none of you are truly sorry at all.”
“But we really mean it, we swear we’re sorry!” Applejack defended. “Yer being too harsh on us Twi!”
“Oh, I’m being too harsh?” Twilight retorted. “If I recalled, you shunned me like a rain rotter when we were at the rehearsal, at least the princess and my brother had the decency to call me out.”
Even though Twilight Sparkle had the right to be furious, this was the first time the librarian had shown such aggression and hostility towards anypony.
Everypony was silent, save for Pinkie’s and Fluttershy who were weeping. The Changeling Queen’s let out a cackling laugh as she was spectating.
“But that’s not fair, she tricked us all,” Rainbow Dash suddenly protested by pointing out a hoof to the Changeling Queen, “We all thought you were jealous.”
“Now, you dare to insult me by showing guilt and remorse?” The purple mare snarled, at the blue Pegasus who landed as if she was suddenly petrified, “That’s cowardly hypocrisy in my book.”
“We also thought that you were trying to ruin the wedding for the rest of us,” Rarity defended as she walks towards her. “Darling, we were just upset, that's all.”
“And that justifies the way you walked out on me?” She sneered at the fashionista, causing her to stagger back. “It doesn’t matter anyway, she won, and we’ve lost!”
“But Twilight…” Fluttershy said between sobs but she wasn’t able to finish since Twilight furiously interrupted her.
“Quit your blubbering!” She snapped at her, as Fluttershy recoiled in fear. “I thought you were better than the rest of them, but you can be the cruelest one of all.”
"She is correct, and even from somepony like me, it was quite cold on how you left her.” the Changeling Queen said in a mock-appalled tone. “With friends like that, who needs enemies?”
Fluttershy’s crying grew more audible as Pinkie Pie comforted her, with the others head dropped down in shame. Even though she was mocking them, she was right.
“Stay out of this!” Pinkie Pie cried as well. “Aren’t we feeling bad enough as it is?”
“You are all aren’t you?” Chrysalis smiled smugly as she returns looking out the window. She begins singing:
“This day has just been perfect, the kind of day which I dreamed since I was small
Everypony I’ll soon control, every stallion, mare, and foal.
Who says a girl can’t really have it all?”
Despite her feelings of defeat, Twilight Sparkle walked up to Princess Cadence and freed her from the green slime. Her anger settled down for a little bit when she spoke to Princess Cadence.
“Quick, go to him while you have the chance,” Twilight Sparkle said to her foalsitter glumly. “Might as well enjoy this last moment together.”
Although Princess Cadence was saddened by Twilight’s state and wished to comfort her, the bride decides it wasn’t the right time and complies by heading over to the hypnotized groom.
Cadence walked up to her husband and hugged him. Her horn shined brightly and a small heart flew out of it. The heart floats by and lands on the stallion’s face.
The groom blinked his eyes rapidly and shook his head, getting him to think clearly.
“Wha…what happened? Is the wedding over?”
“It’s all over!” The changeling queen cackled over her victory.
“The spell my love! Cast the spell!” She urged.
The queen cackled even more as she walked back to the balcony.
“What good would that do? My changeling already roam free,” she said, showing everyone her handiwork
Lowering his head slightly, Shining Armor concentrated with all his might on the single task of getting his horn to light up. But all he got for his trouble was a weak glow at the tip and he head drops in defeat.
“No! My power is useless now. I don’t have the strength to repel them.” He said hopelessly.
Princess Cadence trotted close to her husband and nuzzled him.
“My love will give you strength.” Cadence said while she touched his horn with hers.
The queen however, laughs at their words and rolls her eyes.
“What a lovely but absolutely ridiculous sentiment,” She said while watching her subjects lying waste on the city streets.
Despite being at the edge of defeat, the bride and groom-to-be traded a look . The resolve in his eyes, the desperate pleading in hers, and Shining Armor concentrated again. Only this time, it emitted a stronger glow, and Princess Cadence brought her own horn close enough for an electric discharge to arc between the horns’ tips.
Their horns created a spark in purple and white glow as the glow steadily grows in size, and this same, flowing energy forms around the couple in a circle. Next, air currents circulated around them, causing Cadence’s mane to billow and sparkle like the manes of her aunts. She and Shining Armor both traded a smile before concentrating again.
The spell lifted them off the floor in a stronger glowing aura. The five element bearers smiled and averted their eyes of such beautiful brilliance. Twilight Sparkle on the other hoof was the only one not smiling, but she did give a relieved look as if having nearly escaped danger.
When Queen Chrysalis discovered what was happening, her jaw dropped in total disbelief. She becomes too dumbfounded to think clearly, let alone act as the reception hall begins to shake from the sheer amount of magical energy coursing through. Then the couple opened their eyes in a glow of pure white, similar to Twilight Sparkle with the Elements of Harmony.
Finally, the power gathered into them for a moment before exploding outward as a white, heart-shaped shock wave.
The said wave rocketed toward the queen, the only thing she could do was let out a strangled yelp of surprise before she was flung out in a crash of breaking glass. Sending her flying out of the horizon.
The wave’s blast freed Princess Celestia from her cocoon prison, and cleared away the remaining changelings around all over Canterlot. Outside the city’s landscape, the cataclysmic burst that hurled both the screaming queen and every last one of her minions toward the distant horizon in all directions.
Back at the reception, the victorious couple floated gently back down to the dais. After their hooves gently touched the ground, Princess Cadence’s mane went back from its normal appearance as they shares a joyous embrace.
Everypony cheered at their sudden victory over the invaders…all except one.
Twilight Sparkle walked towards her mentor whom manages to stand, Princess Celestia saw her student glaring at her. It was the same disappointing glare that she herself gave her before. Princess Celestia dropped her head in guilt, earlier she had heard what Twilight said to the others when she was trapped in her cocoon, and she couldn’t blame her for being bitter towards everypony.
The lavender unicorn saw her mentor’s guilty expression, just like the others, she thought. Twilight snorted in disgust to think that even someone like Princess Celestia would believe that a mere apology would make everything go back to normal.
“Now this is over, find someone else to be the Wielder of Magic.” Twilight said to Princess Celestia. “Because now, I wish to relinquish my position of the Elements of so-called Harmony.”
Silence erupted throughout the reception hall. They forgot about their joyous victory upon remembering Twilight’s resentment from earlier.
“But, b-but why?” Fluttershy managed to ask in stammers.
"Because deep down, you are all nothing but selfish ponies that will abandon each other when one’s no longer useful to another anymore.” The unicorn snapped. “And unlike the rest of you, I completely mean it.”
“What happened?” Shining Armor asked in a confused tone.
“Twilight…is upset that you, my aunt, and her friends left her at the reception.” Princess Cadence replied in a sad tone. “I think it was when the Changeling Queen impersonated me, but what did Twilight do that got you and the rest so furious at her?”
The stallion thought for a while, and remembered what he said. His head and ears both dropped low from what happened that night.
“I…thought that you were under stress and not by some imposter,” Shining Armor spoke, with his eyes becoming moist. “I got furious when Twilight accused you of being evil since all of us thought Twilight was jealous. I was so mad that I forbid Twilight to show up in the wedding. After that, the Princess and her friends left her.”
Princess Cadence simply gasped and dropped her jaw. Her tired eyes filled with emotions such as anger and disgust.
“I thought you loved her!” She exclaimed in a shocked and disappointed tone.
“It’s not like any of us liked it,” He protested. “How was I supposed to know that there was an imposter or that I was under her spell?”
“And that justifies the way you treated her?”
“Do you enjoy watching me suffer Princess? Or is it some cruel joke that you had planned from the very beginning?” She asked bitterly, “I looked up to you, I was faithful to you from the very day when you accepted me as your student, and this is how you repay me?
Princess Celestia said nothing but expresses a deep sense of guilt. The alicorn simply stared at the ground as if she was a foal being scolded. After the Princess gathered enough courage to look at Twilight, she saw tears of betrayal and anger coming from her student’s eyes.
Finally, Princess Celestia said, “I just wanted you to make some friends.”
Twilight scoffed with her lips scrunched, “By befriending those ungrateful nags?”
Her words became the last straw for Applejack, causing her to throw her hat in frustration.
“Now that was just uncalled fer!” Applejack stamped angrily towards her. “Now, we get it, we get that yer sore at us, and we shouldn’t done left you all alone, but now it’s time to move on!”
“Oh, I’m moving on alright,” Twilight, replied with snort. “I’m moving away from all of you.”
“That’s not what I meant!” The Cowpony growled and stomped her front hoof angrily. “Why are you acting like this?”
“Well, why not? It’s what everypony wants, isn’t it?” Twilight asked in a disgruntled tone, as she glares back at the apple farmer. “Everyone thinks I’m a jealous nag, so let me be the jealous little nag.”
Although Applejack’s simmered down a bit, her anger towards the griping unicorn didn’t exactly go away. Still, she thought she knew why Twilight was acting like that.
“Well, if only if yah used more tact and gathered glues instead hollering that she’s evil, we would’ve believed you!” She declared. “Then, this wouldn’t all happen! What are yah getting all antsy about anyway?”
Twilight responded with a sharp exhale, she thought for a few seconds until she continued. Her tail flickered as if it was her cue to speak as she said:
“I know that I should’ve brought proof as evidence,” Twilight admitted grudgingly, “But even if I did that and my brother would still defend the imposter, and the real question is: Would you and the rest take my side?”
“Well, what do you expect us to do?” She asked irritably as she confronts Twilight so close, the two were now facing muzzle to muzzle. “Of course we would’ve taken yer side! We’ve done made stupid mistakes before but we trust yah now, what so wrong about that?”
But Twilight wasn’t at all persuaded and in fact, her resentment only grew.
“But you expect to destroy my trust in all of you and then think we're going to shake hooves?” Twilight snarled. “I refuse to be lectured by someone like you!”
Applejack was usually the second voice of reason behind Twilight, but nothing seemed to snap her out of it. Before long, she sighed, “Fine, what do you want to expect me to do?”
“Can’t you face the truth that you hate me, ‘Miss Honesty’?” Twilight replied, her words causing the Cowpony to stagger back, “You seem to care more about your own stubborn, pride and the wedding than your own friend!
The highly opinionated Applejack for once was just left completely speechless. She dropped her head in shame..
“Twilight, what do you want me to do then?” the cowgirl asked, now too ashamed to look at her, let alone confront her. Sure, she was mad at Twilight before, but never thought that of actually hating her.
“Why don’t you check on the imposter?” She simply replied. “Or are you still too stubborn to admit it?”
Applejack was at a loss, neither she nor the rest of the group thought about Twilight.
“Twilight, please it’s not like that,” Her mentor pleaded as she walks towards her. “We never knew that there was an imposter. I made a mistake that I now regret deeply.”
She tried to put her hoof on her student’s shoulder, but the latter flinched back as if she was going to harm her.
“Oh, it’s not like that eh?” Twilight scoffed bitterly. “You’ve ruled Equestria for a thousand years and that mistake nearly cost the lives of everypony. She was your own niece, your own flesh and blood, and you couldn’t tell the difference?”
Princess Celestia was about to say that she assumed that Cadence was under a lot of stress, but remained silent. For Twilight would not accept the sun ruler’s excuse.
“We swear we’re not going to doubt you again Twilight!” Pinkie Pie said to her. “We all Pinkie Promise! Once we go back, I’ll pull a big apology party just for you.”
“Oh no, you all claimed that you will not to doubt me again,” Twilight Sparkle denied.
“But sooner or later, you’ll go back to your old ways at best, or never change at all at worse.”
“But Twilight, we mean it,” the party maker sobbed, “There will be a bigger party than the wedding just for you!”
“Did you think a mere apology and a bribe is going to change this all back?” She growled at the baker as the latter flinched, “Parties doesn’t solve everything you annoying brat!”
Pinkie Pie simply gallops away crying towards Fluttershy to sob together, Rainbow Dash took Pinkie’s place as she hovers in front of Twilight.
“What will you take to forgive us?” Rainbow Dash asked. “What do we have to prove that we’re sorry?”
“Nothing, don’t you get it?” Snarled the furious unicorn. “I thought you will vouch for me ever since I almost gone crazy over the lack of Friendship Reports.”
The rest remembered the day they dubbed, “Lesson Zero”. Although they promised on that day to take their friend’s concerns seriously, they did not practice what they preached.
“Okay, so we’ve forgotten about that day!” The Pegasus admitted, “Give us another chance!”
“You all had your chance to defend me,” Twilight muttered to Rainbow, “BUT YOU ALL BLEW IT!”
“But what about our friendship?” Applejack pleaded. “Yer telling us that yah forgot about that as well?”
Twilight simply shook her head profusely like a foal refusing to take medicine.
"It seems you all forgot about friendship but in reality it is nothing more but a damn joke." Twilight Sparkle cursed, gathering gasps from the room. It was the first time anyone heard Twilight say such foul language.
“All those so-called ‘Friendship Reports’ I’ve written were all for nothing.” She continued. “It seems all of you have forgotten my friendship, but in reality you were all only using me. I should’ve known that from the very beginning when I’ve gotten the tickets to the Gala.”
“Twilight, we said we’re sorry but why are you still mad at us?” Fluttershy sniffled.
“I said shut it!” The unicorn snapped, “It’s because of that fickle attitude of all of yours.”
“Wh-what do you mean?” Fluttershy asked, hurt and confused. “Are you getting mad because of our apology?
“Finally, somepony who gets it!” Twilight declared, throwing her hooves up in the air. “None of you seemed to care about me before, but now you do, and that’s what’s wrong with all of you!”
“Please Cadence, use your spell.” Spike suddenly said to the bride. “Twilight’s too mad to believe us or care.”
The younger alicorn tried to cast her spell, but her horn only came out in weak sparks.
“I can’t, Twilight’s too heartbroken to be fixed by my spell.” Her foalsitter sadly said. “I can only restore her hearts when she wants to be loved by all of you again. I’m afraid at this state, she wants nothing to do with us.”
“Twiley, what have I done?” Shining Armor asked under his breath.”
“You all secretly hate me do you?” Twilight continues as she wept. “Admit it, you all want me gone even before the reception. All that just to impress that nag of an imposter.”
“No, we never hated you!” Rarity gasped in a shocked tone. “We love you, we’ve always loved you.”
The white unicorn tried to approach her but Twilight backed off as if Rarity was going to harm her.
“You’re only using me!” Twilight snapped her tail flared up, “I know now that you only want me because I’m useful to you, but I’m not going to be tricked like you anymore!”
Rarity put her hoof over her mouth, trying to hold back her tears. It seemed that nothing was going to change Twilight’s mind. She tried again, determined as ever.
“Now see here, we said we were all going to talk to you after the wedding to say how disappointed we were.” Rarity said drawing closer to her. “But now we’re all here for you and it won’t happen again.”
“YOU LIE!” Twilight shrieked loud, the reception hall appeared to be shaking.
Rarity was the most unfortunate as she was standing the closest to her; her mane actually got disheveled at the result.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourselves because you’re not!” She screamed towards everyone. “Did you all realize how much you all insulted me by showing false guilt and pity? I thought I hate you all before, but now I hate you all more than ever!”
The whole room was silent, save for Fluttershy’s sobbing.
“Why are you getting so mad us for apologizing?” Rainbow Dash asked in a tone that’s both confused and hurt. “Are you saying we shouldn’t feel sorry?”
“Yes, because I said it before that it’s cowardly hypocrisy, it a sign of weakness,” Twilight declared. “First you turn your backs on me then you want to help me again? Make up your minds will you?”
“C’mon! It’s like your brother said, it’s not like anyone of us liked it.” Rainbow protested.
“But yet, something tells me you should’ve liked it.” Twilight spat. “I bet that griffon friend of yours would be laughing her head off if she sees this.”
Infuriated at that remark, Rainbow zoomed in front of Twilight’s muzzle. She grabbed her by the shoulders as she does her best not to slam her front hooves into the unicorn’s face. The others were too afraid or too shocked to stop them, lest they get caught as well. The Pegasus barely controls her rage, as she spoke to her.
“So your pride got damaged, and you were right all along, but what makes you so special from the rest of us?” She demanded, “You didn’t see me griping about the time you all dressed like Mare-Do-Well, what else you could’ve lost!?”
“My life!” Twilight choked out as streams of tears ran to her face.
Rainbow Dash released Twilight once she heard her answer. The weather manager couldn’t believe that she was moments away from hitting Twilight if she hadn't answered on time, and she looked at her own front hooves with shrunken eyes. That moment everyone realized that Twilight’s life was in danger brought regret in everypony’s hearts. None of them wanted Twilight gone, but Twilight thinks they do.
“Was it worth it everyone?” Twilight asked between sobs, “Did my punishment fit the crime?”
“I…I didn’t want you to die…” Shining Armor said regrettably with his ears dropped. “How did it happen?”
“After all of you abandoned me, the Changeling Queen teleported me deep underground” She replied. “There were deep caverns, underneath Canterlot, and forgotten by everyone”
“I heard of rumors of there being caves underneath the palace, but I never expected it to be true.” Princess Celestia said guilt-ridden. “Yes, we were all furious at you but we didn’t want you dead because of it.”
Twilight stopped crying and breathed heavily to calm herself down. Her tone of resentment has returned as she asks, “Well you know what the Changeling queen said to me? That no one will ever look for me! I tried to ignore her as she taunted me to get out, if I didn’t find the real Cadence on time, who knows what will happen to me?”
The ruler of Equestria’s lowers her head in shame, and it even appears her billowing mane has done the same as well. Soon, the others followed suit.
“Let me ask you then, what if I was wrong?” Twilight bitterly demanded everyone. “What if that WAS really Cadence just having a bad time? What if that really WAS her pushing all of my so called 'friends' around, talking trash to them and making them feel bad just because she was under a lot of stress? Would you all have STILL allowed me to come?! Because from what I saw, you had no problem going ahead without me!"
“Twilight Sparkle please stop,” Princess Celestia pleaded. “This is exactly what Discord wanted you to do.”
Princess Celestia just has to remind her about Discord, she remembers how she and her friends faced off alone while the Princess resides safely in her palace. How she was the only one not affected by his brainwashing powers.
“You know it would be funny to see a teacher groveling for mercy at her own student,” Twilight scoffed bitterly. “If I was in the mood that is.”
“I am not groveling Twilight,” Princess Celestia said defensively, “I am asking you to cease because that’s exactly what Discord wanted.”
“But at least Discord admits it instead of denying everything.” Twilight spitefully declared, gaining audible gasps from around them. “You should just embrace your selfishness and enjoy it.”
“Then what about me Twilight?” Spike asked regretfully, “I was afraid your friends are going to leave me as well, and that I was going to be kicked out of the wedding too.”
When she turned her attention to the baby dragon, the unicorn’s expression changed from resentment to disappointment.
She sighed, “Think for yourself next time Spike,”
She turned to her former BBBFF; with tears in her glaring eyes. Ever since they were foals, they were inseparable as siblings. Her brother was always the first one to defend her, but no longer as Shining Armor can see the hurt feeling of betrayal within her face.
"Enjoy your wedding without me, Shining Armor,” The younger sibling said turning her head towards the hall’s door. “I also recalled that I shouldn’t bother to come to the wedding at all, lest I make another spectacle.”
“Twiley, I take it all back.” Shining Armor called to her. “I want you to come to the wedding again as to make it all up, and in fact, I want you to become my Mare of Honor again.”
The unicorn turned to her brother and glared at him. She saw the guilt and sorrow mixed on his face, but thought they could only be crocodile tears since he was able to casually cast her from his important day, the day she helped to carve with her so-called friends.s. It disgusted her that he also would cry and was about to storm off in a huff.
“You’re sorry? And by bribing me, you think this will all be over?” She declared bitterly. “I’m not a filly anymore.”
“I’m not bribing you,” The older sibling defended. “I just want to see my sister happy again.”
“Just what kind of a stallion are you?” Twilight angrily hissed. “Groveling before a younger sibling? I don’t want to be in your wedding.”
She departs to the door but Shining Armor gallops towards her in order to stop her.
“Twiley, why can’t you accept our apologies? Especially from your brother?” He sadly asked.
“Because you didn’t believe me, so why should I believe you?” She replied without looking.
“Twiley,” He begged, putting his hoof on his sister’s flank to stop her.
“GET YOUR HOOVES OFF OF ME YOU PATHETIC GELDING!”
Twilight reared her hind legs and was moments away from bucking her brother in the face until Princess Cadence’s voice beckoned her.
“Twilight, please forgive them…” She pleaded. “It was an accident.”
The unicorn froze like a statue for a while but finally plants her hind legs on the floor. With her ears drooped; her head sinks low, and lets out a heavy sigh.
“I…I seem to remember that I have lot to think about.” She said dejectedly. “For now, I need to be alone for awhile…”
She turns her back on them and begins to walk.
“I want you to forget about me and leave me alone, until I say otherwise.” She called out to them. “But I’ll never forgive anyone tries to apologize to me one more time. Have fun at the wedding everypony and enjoy your friendship while it still lasts. I know mine did.”
Twilight teleports away and left the rest alone. Princess Cadence walks up to her husband to comfort him.
“Shiny, are you okay?” She asked.
“I deserve it…”
“We all do Shining Armor,” Princess Celestia said. “We all do.”
“Then let my heart be hardened, and never mind how high the cost may grow …”
“This will still be so…I will never let my anger go…”
Sorry it took so long to load another story but ever since reading Darth Link 22's Post Nuptials and defender2222's Faith and Doubt, I decided to do my own version of A Canterlot Wedding.
Like the authors mentioned above, I didn't like how easily forgiving Twilight was. So, I decided to write my own version of the wedding
Readers of Post Nuptials: You know how the rest felt like they don't deserve Twilight's friendship after the way they've treated her, and even asked why Twilight's not going to lash out on them. Well, my story is the remaining Mane Six getting their wish.
To the mentioned authors: I love your stories and I doubt mine is worthy enough to be on TV Tropes.
To the readers of my other stories: I haven't forgotten about them and I feel I must apologize since I was busy with college. The future chapters will arrive sooner than you think.
Good gravy, that was a doozy, dood.
The direction you are taking this is pretty dark, and to be honest, I half figured Twilight would teleport without saying a word instead of verbally ripping through everyone, their dog, and their grandma over getting shunned...but I think this works alot better than just disappearing without a word, dood.
Faved and Liked by da prinny.
I must say, i've always wondered how it would be if Twilight wasn't forgiving that easily, here i got my answer, fave + thumb up.
Awesome story.
I like it, though it could use some minor edits and polishing up. Tracking.
hope a next chapter will show twi and shining armour's parents and their reaction to all this
I LIKE IT I LIKE IT A LOT
Keep up the great work I want to see where this goes
They're all being way too masochistic. Twilight speaks like a completely different person. This could use a lot of fixing before it can be a little bit believable. Have Twilight think about it a bit more, let us see her thoughts and significantly change the dialogue.
Those basterds deserved it. The whole lot of them.
I do like how the story started, and you have done a good job setting things up. You definitely captured the character personalities right, for being AU ( i think that's what it'd be classified as) and grammar and sentence structure was fine from reading.
It's something I'm having a hard time putting my finger on, though. The style of the writing comes across as a little...stiff? Kind of like reading off a list of actions that Twilight, or the others are performing. It's a case of show don't tell. Let me see if I can find an example. And bear in mind that I don't mean to come across as saying you are terrible, or anything like that. You nailed dialogue perfectly. It was smooth and flowing. Just pointing out something I think you can improve on. And this is something I think will improve naturally as you write more.
Back at Canterlot, the victorious couple floats gently back down to the dais. After their hooves gently touched the ground, Princess Cadence’s mane resumed its normal, non-billowing appearance; then they share a joyous embrace. Everypony cheered at their sudden victory over the invaders, all except one. Twilight Sparkle walked towards her mentor whom rose from her legs after being freed from the cocoon, Princess Celestia saw her student glaring at her. It is the same disappointing glare she previously gave her. Before Princess Celestia can say anything. The resentful student begins to speak that turned everyone’s attention.
Then compare it to Defender2222's work Faith and Doubt
The unicorn did her best to bat away the incrimination of her loved ones. It was her fault they hadn't believed her...she had come in acting foalish, ranting and raving...how could they ever believe her? She should have done it differently. She should have found another way to convince them about the danger Cadence posed. She should have sat them down and gently explained what she feared and what she saw, and asked them to please help her.
In Defender2222's writing the list of sequential actions are flowing into each other a bit more smoothly than in yours.
Regardless! I think you have a nice bit of potential here, and my own minor criticism is only so that you can improve your work. You have a very good foundation. It's just a matter of building around it.
Cheers, I'm looking forward to more chapters from you. Especially the delicious reactions from the others.
You repeated a phrase in there. Otherwise, loved it!
"Enjoy your wedding without me, Shining Armor” “I also recalled that I shouldn’t bother to come to the wedding at all”
She turns to her former BBBFF; Shining Armor can see the tears in her glaring eyes. Ever since they were foals, they were inseparable as siblings. Her brother was always the first one to defend her, but no longer as Shining Armor can see the hurt feeling of betrayal within her face.
"Enjoy your wedding without me, Shining Armor,” The younger sibling said turning her head towards the hall’s door. “I also recalled that I shouldn’t bother to come to the wedding at all, lest I make another spectacle.”
OHHHH SHIIIIIT! SHE CALLED HIM A GELDLIIIIING! Shit be on now!
But seriously, awesome start to this story. A like and a favorite from me. You have earned them.
I like this. I was thinking about writing my own take on what Twiley would've done if she didn't forgive anypony but now I don't have to. Keep up the good work. On second thought, I may still write a wedding story but maybe make it differ from this one.
You get a like and a watch
I liked it, but I think you need to work on the sentence flow a bit more. It reads more like a play than a story (basically, what Golferguy said).
I think everything else was done pretty well though.
Faved hope you update soon
also that episode really made me doubt the "Magic of Friendship" if it happens again in season 3, then so help me
Wow! This is gonna be interesting! Cant wait for updates!
The relationship im most curious about is, Spikes! I mean where else can he go?? Sure, Twilight can leave the others, but with Spike..Twilights pretty much his surrogate mother, I doubt she can hold a grudge against him for long ( considering they live in the same tree !).
Anyways Tracking this one! Keep it up!
I wanted to like this, I really did, but I couldn't as it was lacking in some very serious areas. This can be seen by the one sided argument levied in Twilight's favor and the lack of real emotions being displayed outside of consistent rage and apologetic behavior. There was a lot of emotional pandering to Twilight as well.
Some things that you could improve upon to make this and future fics better are:
1) Every argument has a side; EVERY argument. If you don't adequately represent one side, especially in an emotionally charged situation, the scene comes out feeling one sided and staged.
2) There are more emotions going on than just one at any time. Where was Twilight's grief when she realized it was all a lie, why no tears of frustration/betrayal/anger? Why didn't the others get mad at her not understanding they're point of view? Where was the exasperation at Twilight seemingly being too judgmental or near sighted given her history? (which didn't get displayed since they were just apologizing the entire time)
3) Facial expressions, body movements etc. You story read more as a script, you can paint a more visually pleasing image for a reader to appreciate if you use descriptors to liven things up. And that goes beyond just "She said with a smile" or "Her sneer was cruel", I mean things like ear twitches, tail whipping in irritation, flicking hair back, trotting in place out of nervousness, knees/legs shaking in fear, etc. There's also sight sound and smell you can play with. I'm not saying go crazy, just that you should use some imagery here and there to get a reader deeply entrenched into a story.
4) Character bashing is never a good thing. You can write the story from the point of view that Twilight is really pissed off, but if you don't have any characters call her on her accusations, or try to defend themselves meaningfully, then it comes off as being un-life-like. Everyone believes themselves to be generally good, so accusations that go against that view aren't so readily accepted. Even if they're feeling crummy. Pinkie and Fluttershy may have been too distraught to say much but surely Applejack and Rainbow Dash, being very outspoken, would have said something of merit towards the attacks on their personalities.
5) A highly emotionally charged argument rarely has so many complete sentences like it's a speech. No one interrupted anyone else (not really), Twilight got to speak a lot, and she stuck around for a long time.
6) Twilight's character did an extremely abrupt about face (change in personality) when she went into pissed off mode. When writing, if you're suing a character you need to consider how they would engage the situation. This felt very much like the author speaking through a character than the character speaking out against a situation she didn't like. Be sure to filter out what your voice in a situation would be when compared to the characters.
To be clear, I really hated what the writers did in that scene in the actual show. I felt like it was a massive insult to the show and the character's friendship. Even worse was that it got dismissed so readily instead of having some kind of healing process. But even then, I just could not enjoy this work of writing since it was hurting in these key areas. I realize this is a pretty negative review, but I wanted to give you constructive criticism to point out areas you can improve upon your writing in.
I hope you will be able to improve on your skill set, with these notes as a nudge in the right direction to writing more dynamically.
1732246 TL;DR
Why do I keep getting update notices for this story-minus the updates?
1740361 What do you mean?
Because my account is getting updates for who's commenting and faving
1740463
I've gotten 2 notices for this story updating today, except it actually hasn't updated at all.
1740537 Tis must be the work of Discord then.
1740587
It must. Time to go find the elements.
I have the urge to punch a baby with all of these false update alerts from all of my favorites...
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcw0l7ug9x1ry46hlo1_400.gif 1740865
1732246 This!
You know it's over when even the villain agrees
1733368 Please god say you were joking there...
1770195 Yeah, I was joking...or am I? derpiboo.ru/61044?scope=scpefa886b410b958d8c3506c586e9f2a3f21a84973f
All joking aside though, I am planning to edit this chapter, and post more in the future.
Okay, this took me some time, but here's my thoughts.
First off, I've gone through in my head a scenario of Twilight not being so forgiving, and I must say...these guys got off easy.
This does seem stilted, a bit like an Author Tract, though there's certainly potential. I think it could be a bit believable that, given what almost happened as a result, they might take it at this moment, but it still seems off. If Twilight had been shooting out some of the insults I was thinking, I could see them being stunned or hurt enough to keep quiet. Also, I think having Twilight tell them they're not sorry at all is wrong, it should be more a too little, too late thing.
I think the pacing is off too. Twilight's initial reply to Applejack should have just been "Yeah, you should have," and then the big spiel happen after Chrysalis was defeated.
1799462 I am planning to edit this chapter sometime later in the future. I did thought that the rest were too willing to accept Twilight's insults, so I'm planning for Applejack and Rainbow Dash to at least defend themselves, but have Twilight win or at least shoot them down in the end.
As for you not liking Twilight saying they're not sorry, I assume "she's too bitter to believe or care that they're being sincere" not a good excuse for you?:
But I will try to have our unicorn going for the "Too little, too late" approach in my edited chapter.
And as for this story sounding like an Author Tract, well you caught me. It would've been how I react if I was in Twilight's horseshoes. But like I said earlier, I will go for the "Too little, too late" approach.
The whole story is from my own personal experience to remind myself that although forgiveness is slow process from what the crap Twilight went through, everyone needs a chance to forgive and be forgiven.
I'll send you a personal message of what I have this story planned.
I can't wait to read the edited version. Just read this and it does seem odd in a way and you're kinda making Twilight seem sort of horrible with her rubbing salt on everyone's wounds. Maybe you should tone down some of Twilight's quotes a bit. The gelding comment for example wasn't necessary.
Still, I will favorite this though I won't rate it yet. You show promise so I'll be looking forwardto the changes
1799462
I agree with the pacing of this chapter so far... a bit too much all at once... plus there are a few misplaced words and a few present tenses mixed in with past tenses that doesn't fit, but that can be fixed with editing... you could put some emotion in the dialogue for some characters; like have Shining shed a few tears of guilt (since he should feel guilty)... other than that, the premise of this story seems worth reading... I'm intrigued to see what you have in mind, and I also want to see what you have in store for the others (I wholeheartedly agree that they got off too easy in those episodes)... I see a reference from Prince of Egypt in this story, nice
1822394
In moments of rage, you tend to do things that are regrettable later on... like what Shining did... so, 'what goes around comes around'...
Every time someone gets easily forgiven in show, I find myself not being mad about it. I mean, what kind of pony would Twilight be if she didn't forgive her friends for not siding with her all the time? As this fic shows, she'd be a complete fucking bitch (with a dash of mental instability). I don't know anyone who would disown their friends for occassionally being in the wrong. What kind of person would?
1885331 I take it "Alternate Universe" is not a good enough excuse for you?
Anyway, I'm posting a revised chapter soon as I can before working on my second chapter.
1888671
No, not really. She's still over-reacting way too much over them not taking her side. But yes, a revision would be a good idea. She can be mad (hell, I'd be too) but it's gotta have a better trigger than "They didn't take my side in an arguement in which I sent someone running away in tears!"
i don't know why but i could still see twilight Run away from her problems. the others postponing the wedding to find her . Twilight during her journey she learns that everyone makes mistakes alot but you shouldn't hold it against them but learn from the mistakes.
( yes im wesaa form deviant art but i want to say it here)
assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/citizen_cane.gif
Bravo. Black Kyurem likes this.
1914388
Love your fic "Canterlot Wedding Aftermath"
1919363 Black Kyurem thought you already read it.
1919941
I have, just confirming I love it
1919957 Well, thank you then! Black Kyurem is always happy to get a confirmation!
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/317/4/2/dictatorship_is_tragic_by_ibringthazelc-d5kyeva.png
You who I called brother
How could you have come to hate me so?
Is this what you wanted?
Then let my heart be hardened
And never mind how high the cost may grow
This will still be so
1901110 Well, this was a pretty big deal here. 50 episodes of friendship gets flushed down the toilet.
1920704
Especially since her brother just used her for a wedding and then decided to go with the fiance wholeheartedly... he calling it a pyrrhic victory? He just went with the one he'd rather buck... and they expect Twi to just forgive and forget so easily? I don't think so
1920704
not if learns that she did some horible things too such as the Want-It, Need-It spell and the mare do well incident. Im jsut guessing thats all.
1920718 "You who I called brother
How could you have come to hate me so?
Is this what you wanted?"
1921409 Yeah, well Twilight didn't put any of her friendships at risk now, did she? Just her reputation with the princess. The real closest thing she did that was remotely horrible was masterminding Mare Do Well if you were to ask Black Kyurem.
1921447
Look i was just guessing the next chapter thats all