Inner Thoughts
Earlier in Twilight’s room…
Moments after teleporting out of the hall, Twilight was back in her room, thinking about what just occurred over the past few hours before weeping quietly.
“Was it all just a joke?” She wondered to herself, “Did no one bothered looking for me?”
She then collapsed to her bed, which was more comfortable than the cold rocks of the caves. But even a soft, warm bed did little to soothe her pain. Nonetheless, the unicorn just wanted to fall asleep after such a grueling even happening to her.
Lying in her bed, she thought about all the things what she has said to her former friends, to her former mentor, and her once loved brother. Twilight’s emotions, from hurt and confused, to cynical and resentful, were waging an intense battle inside her head.
Twilight’s thoughts are then i mixed up in a swarm of three in a trio of voices haunting her: One thought is that she had "spoken to them” earlier, the second is clouding her mind with doubt, and finally her own spoken words from the aftermath of what had happened earlier:
“Let me ask you then, what if I was wrong? What if that WAS really Cadence just having a bad time? What if that really WAS her pushing all of my so called 'friends' around, talking trash to them and making them feel bad just because she was under a lot of stress? Would you all have STILL allowed me to come?! Because from what I saw, you had no problem going ahead without me!"
They’ve never did cared about you did they?
“No, no they didn’t even seem to noticed that I was gone.” She muttered to herself.
“Sorry Twi, we should’ve listened to you.”
It’s always Applejack to clean up everypony’s messes, while the others are too spineless to admit it.
“Yeah, and besides, she was the one who said that they should go check on the imposter.”
“I just wanted you to make some friends.”
You never even wanted to make friends with them to begin with.
"I all wanted is to make Princess Celestia proud and looked what I got as a reward…"
“Otherwise, save your fake remorse, because deep down, none of you are truly sorry at all.”
Look how everyone pretended to be sorry, it’s pathetic! Even if they were sincere, it’s too late! They’ve never believed you so why should you believe them?
“How could they treat me this way? All I was trying to do was to help them.”
“If I recalled, you shunned me like a rain rotter when we were at the rehearsal.At least the princess and my brother had the decency to call me out.”
Yes, even when the Changeling Queen treated them like dirt but decided to abandon you instead, being tricked is no excuse.
“I was right about being used by them, maybe I picked the wrong friends.”
“Yes, because I said it before that it’s cowardly hypocrisy, it a sign of weakness,”
Their regret is only rubbing salt on your wounds isn’t it? It is like domestic abusers begging for forgiveness even after their partners are battered beyond recognition.
“They only want me to use me as their scapegoat and they actually had the gall to bribe me, that it’ll all be over in the end.”
“But even if I did that and my brother would still defend the imposter, and the real question is: Would you and the rest take my side?”
Of course, even if you did gathered evidence, they still wouldn’t side with you…
“They were all eager to take on her side, instead of mine…except Spike, at least he admits that he was scared of being left out.”
“But you expect to destroy my trust in all of you and then think we're going to shake hooves?”
It’s only fair for you to shun them, spite them, and hate them like they’ve hated you!
“Yeah, how could I forgive them after what they’ve done to me?”
“I thought you will vouch for me ever since I almost gone crazy over the lack of Friendship Reports.”
Let’s face the facts; if you were wrong after all, the others would never forgiven you.
“They all blew it! They all had their chances…”
“We never knew that there was an imposter. I made a mistake that I now regret deeply.”
She ruled over a millennium and thought having a wedding on same day is a great idea? Hate to say it but Princess Celestia’s mind had been addled over the years…
“And she couldn’t tell her own niece from that faker.”
“I thought you will vouch for me ever since I almost gone crazy over the lack of Friendship Reports.”
But they never did vouch for you did they?!
“It seems they want noting to do with me, well then, let me be that hated mare. The one who ruined it all…”
She closed her eyes before saying to herself,
“I wonder what the others did when I was gone?”
Before Twilight knew it, her mind clears before drifting into a slumber.
In her dream, the unicorn was outside the bride’s-or rather the changeling queen’s bedroom with the sound of her fake crying. Surrounding the door, were Princess Celestia, her former BBBFF, and her so-called friends. Confused and wondering why nopony is paying attention to her, she trotted closely to them. Until a thought of realization come to her head.
“This must be where they went after they left me,” Twilight thought to herself, “But they still couldn’t just shun me when I’m right behind them.”
She reached her hoof to touch Princess Celestia, until her said hoof went passed through her. Twilight was intangible like a ghost to them, like how she felt after they left her. The broken mare turned around to see them with all angry faces, all except Spike that is.
“What on earth are we going to do?” Princess Celestia wondered, “Cadence refuses to come out of her room, and then we have Twilight to deal with. I’ve never been so disappointed with her in all my life!”
“Well, he’s no sister of mine,” Shining coldly declared. “Wait until I spoke to my parents about this, what we did to her is a slap on a hoof compare to what they'll do.”
“You said it partner!” Applejack agreed, “Listen, we regret ever making friends with her, if she’s going to be like that! You did the right thing by kicking her flank out.”
“The only reason we’re bothering with her is because she’s the wielder of the Element of Magic.” Rarity huffed, “I never expected her to act such a shrew but I suppose we have all seen her true colors!”
“Perhaps Fate had chosen the wrong pony,” Fluttershy said outloud, “Like how we had chosen that awful Twilight.”
“There’s always wrong with that party-pooping buzzkill,” Pinkie Pie said. “She thinks she’s better than us!”
Twilight was beyond hurt, was it really how they all felt when she acted up in the rehearsal? She refused to accept that they would go that far, until she remembered what she’d said to them earlier.
“Oh, I’m being too harsh?” Twilight retorted. “If I recalled, you shunned me like a rain rotter when we were at the reception, at least the princess and my brother had the decency to call me out.”
Suddenly, the same, doubtful voice whispered to her.
Have no shame on what you’ve said to them after the Changeling Queen captured you, by all accounts, you did the right thing on what they’ve done to you. It’s only fair for you to treat them like what they really thought of you. An eye for an eye, after all.
Before she can answer herself, Twilight turned and see Rainbow Dash rising up to the ceiling to get everypony’s attention.
“Well it’s a long shot, but we may know someone who can replace Twlight,” The Pegasus mare called out to everyone, “But she’s sure better than that worthless egghead!”
“Who is it?” Princes Celestia asked, “We may not even know if anyone can replace her, as much as we all know what Twilight has done.”
“All of us are willing to take that risk, your highness,” Applejack assured her, “You see, back then, there was a traveling showmare who claims to be the best magician in all of Equestria.”
“I remember her too,” Rarity nodded, remember also, “Her name is Trixie and she could be Twilight’s replacement!”
“Hold on, didn’t you all forget how she humiliated all of you and her boasting got Snips and Snails got an Ursa Minor into Ponyville?” Spike protested, “She saved the town while Trixie ran away like the coward she is”!
“You also forgot that Twilight could’ve stood up for us when she challenged her,” Dash said to him. “I’d say that’s cowardly for her, and besides, we can manage!”
“You’re either with us or against us!” Applejack warned him.
Shining Armor nodded, “Perhaps she might be of use after all, but after Trixie is proven to be a better friend, Twilight’s gotta go!"
"So what will it be Spike?” Rarity asked “Either you can be with us or be with that nag!”
Spike looked around with their eyes focusing on him, outnumbered and outmatched, he sighed before stepping forward.
“Glad you decided to party with us!” Pinkie Pie finally smiled, “I knew you picked the right choice!”
“Yeah…I did…” Spike said sadly.
“Now this is over, find someone else to be the Wielder of Magic. Because, I now wish to relinquish my position of the Elements of so-called Harmony.”
Look at how easily they’ve turned on you Twilight, makes you glad that you got to them first?
B-but I’m not sure if they’ll actually do such a thing,” Twilight asked skeptically, “Would they’ve done it when I was at the underground caverns?”
It’s how you’ve felt what matters, even if they didn’t replace you in real life, none of them bothered to go looking for you.
“Then it’s settled then,” Princess Celestia decreed, “Not only is Twilight forbidden to attend the wedding but our relationship with her ends.”
There's NO WAY that's real! Twilight's friends would NEVER say such terrible things about her! This has got to be a nightmare! And I have a bad feeling about that "voice" in Twilight's head! What if it's some spell that Chrysalis cast or some other form of dark magic?!
soo said hope to read more soon
It actually updated i was so sure this had been abondoned
5448140 What was your comment?
5448140
Look, I said it to you before to quit apologizing for having an opinion. It's not like you wanted me dead for it.
Or else I'm starting to act like Twilight if you keep beating yourself up for it.
Wait a minute...
...this isn't going to end up with a black alicorn with mirror wings showing up, is it?
5448304 Err...no...(Does the Liarjack face)
Was fine with her battling her own inner demons, but this outside force influencing her is getting cliche.
Sorry, but I am out.
Happy New Years anyway.
I'm guessing something sinister is at work here, isn't it?
Dang that was intense
can princess luna help other with this.
5448417 Don't jump outta this yet, this story is not finished.
Finally a new chapter
i knew i kept following this story for a reason
5449218 Fair enough. Let's see how things roll.
Well it's about time this thing updated at last. Though, this is sounding more and more like Faith and Doubt the way this is going. It's nice to be inspired by a story, but they're pretty similar. Also, please update this more.
question where the hell is luna? why has she not knocked celestia into next month yet?
Good to have you back, old friend.
Now... make Twilight's ex-friends SUFFER! And I will enjoy it very much!
Twilight's POV:
5474968 Oh, you'll see...
Mooooooooooooooooooooore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear if in the next chapter she goes up to her friends and start accusing them about trying to replace her with Trixie, they have every right to laugh at her and#or question her mental stability.
why did celestia say, "this is exactly what discord wants you to do. is this discord's doing?
5637302
I meant to say is Celestia is telling Twilight that her anger and resentment towards everyone is what Discord wanted by splitting the group apart/
i know i commented on this chapter before and i am sorry to bug you i was just wondering if by any chance you know when you might post next chapter i understand that life can get in the way and i don't want to rash you or anything i just asking if you don't know that is okay and take your time on making a grate chapter
5611191 That doesn't involve the fact that Shining Dismissing Twilight from the wedding was done on his own free will. People (especially some writers) seem to miss that detail and think it was the mind control spell that caused him to do that. That and that they forget that Shining was the true offender in all of this and mane 5 and Celestia were just kissing his ass.
5787187 and do we know how long Chrysalis was mind controlling him but considering what he saw before this he still gets a by due to the mindcontrol. the rest do not have that excuse.
5803023 Trust me, I'm definitely not the only one who believes this. His mind was controlled only when his eyes were green. Do you really think that Chrysalis actually made him Disown Twilight and cut her out of his life?
Eh, I don't really think this is the way I'd prefer the story to go. It was more interesting when it was Twilight's own bitterness and hate, not some outside manipulation.
5803458 She didn't have to have full control. just subtle things. for again Chryssy couldn't pull off ACTING like Cadance so she had to be controlled a bit for him not to notice the massive difference in attitude.
This is better than nothing I guess.
Architect's Reviews
Story: Bitterness, by PLCTheCd.
Premise: Twilight blows up at her friends after the events of "A Canterlot Wedding." I am immediately intrigued, the same way I was with the story Shadow of Loyalty. The concept is just good in general, and will attract a lot of readers
Chapter 1:
Unfortunately, the opening is somewhat rushed. It feels like Twilight came to her conclusion way too quickly, and needed at least another paragraph of thought to follow through. I can understand you wanted to get to the meat of the chapter, the arguments, but a proper setup is required. A good way to do this would be to write her thoughts, as they followed a train of logic to the conclusion that would push the story. It would take a decent amount of work, but as it is, the change feels abrupt. Maybe add a few flashbacks for good measure?
Also, beware strawmaning her friends arguments, where you make an argument weaker so that you can destroy it with ease. Don't do it, it just makes you look fake. Instead, try steelmaning their position, make it stronger so the defeat is that much more impressive. It's hard, but it makes a difference.
Chapter 2:
This is where the grammar started to become a problem. See the following sentence:
"We made Twilight miserable, and the only thing we all did was to made her worse."
What are you trying to say here? This sentence makes no sense. if I tried to parse a meaning from it, that meaning would probably be wrong. I can tell this scene is supposed to be about her friends trying to figure out what went wrong, but their speech is garbled enough that it makes it difficult to understand.
Chapter 3:
This is what you should have done in chapter one. Have Twilight argue with herself until she realizes what happened. The grammar is still a bit of an issue, but not as bad as before. "Of course, even if you did gathered evidence, they still wouldn’t side with you…" Although I wonder whether that bold text is really Twilight's thoughts (so subtle). If you're going to make Nightmare a factor, try making those thoughts harder to spot. At least that shadow spirit is doing a good job of turning Twilight, as the dream sequence was well thought out.
In conclusion, this story gets a like and a track, but not a favorite. It doesn't quite reach the necessary quality to be a great story, but all the elements are there. It just needs more time to flesh out the thought processes, and a good editor.
5818609
Thank you for the constructive criticism and liking it. I know that I need to get that story's grammar and looking back on chapter one, you are right. I am planning to finish the story first before working out the kinks into it.
At least it's not a long, drawn speech that I suck and deserve to die and what-not.
5824408 Speeches like that are counterproductive. They don't help you get better, and either A: you keep posting bad content, or B: You stop altogether, and we miss out on what could have been a great story. Both options are less than optimal.
As such, I write detailed reviews pointing out exactly what you got right, and what you got wrong, and provide suggestions for improvement.
5824422 Very well. :D
Dammit! Hurry up! I can't wait to read what drama unfolds next!
I thought this story would never be updated.
5888533 I know right. Keep in mind Chrysalis was feeding off his love and was posing
as Cadence. Shining Armor kicked Twilight out of te wedding. That was a concious decision on HIS part.
5828573 I like this! update soon please!
5924186 The funny thing is that many writers here don't get that. They believe that it was Chrysalis that made him do it, so he's the one that gets it off easy. It's total bullshit because he was the true offender here, not mane 5 or Celestia, but oh no they're the ones getting all the flak from Twilight, I'll never understand it.
5970758 Exactly. Everyone is at fault. Shining Armor failed his job as a
guard, a defender, husband and worst of all as a older brother.
Who the hell bans one's family from a wedding?
5971314 I'm currently making a fic where Shining Armor gets the most accusation from Twilgiht. Apparently nobody else has had the balls to do that
5971424 Cool.
sorry for bugging you again but I was just wondering when this story will be updating???
Is the story dead??
6077402 i hope not
Update please?
I really want to like this story. But your grammar needs some serious help. You need an editor or SOMETHING to go over it for you if you cannot spot it yourself. You keep having problems such as
should be "Did no one bother looking for me?". This is just one example of the problems, this also includes words missing, and sentences not making complete sense. If you fix the grammar up I assure you this will got a lot more positive attention. Errors such as these tend to take people right out of your story, which is one of the worst things that can happen while someone is reading. It makes people want to stop reading because they cannot get lost within the world you are trying to create.
Ooh, I'm getting a strong sense of deja vu here ... as well as the shivers. I like the dream / vision: it's spoooky!
Can you update soon please ... if that's okay?
I will laugh if the bold voice is Luna. Yup, yup I love the theory/idea that Luna is the one behind the Changeling invasion~
''The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convince them she was gone''
The spelling and grammar does need work like people have said but I will track and thumbs up because I really enjoy it ^.^
6345049 Oh Please that's to Obvious.
6393228 And I got a downvote for that? *Shrugs*