Cadance, dear... you might want to talk to Celestia about a divorce. It's strange, but this chapter just made me lose all sympathy for Shining Armour, and I don't really approve of Luna's helping hoof either. "Hey, my new nephew and niece are having traumatic marriage problems thanks to sucubi bucking up their wedding, I should totally cover up the newly wed husband while he goes get his rump drunk while fantasizing about every mare (including his own sister) but his wife, while said wife is alone at home worried sick, scared, scarred and traumatised herself by all she's suffered through lately, and longs for some comfort and love from the pony she married. Why didn't ponies love me 1000 years ago, again?"
Cynicism aside, I did genuinely feel sorry for Cadance, and I hope things will start looking up at a foreseeable point in the future. Good chapter, all in all.
First part was good. Then SA getting drunker and drunker was really... nothing, really. I'm not seeing how it adds anything to the story, except the tiny bit about the limp horn. I dunno, might just be me - I've been drunk before but never enjoyed it, so I actually don't understand why people do it in the first place. But, I'm a freak. So, whatever.
Did Cadance seriously break SA's ribs? Like, what the hell? How is this not a serious thing? I'd like to feel sorry for SA, except he's being an ass by not talking to Cady about... well, anything of any importance, apparently. I'm wondering how much more dysfunctional this relationship can get. Somepony needs to start taking some friggin' intelligent initiative here, or this whole thing is going to end up in a trainwreck of a divorce.
Or just a lifetime of marital misery. Could go either way.
Oh, geez, I'm supposed to make an intelligent comment, I guess, but I got nothing. Reading this made me sad.
2137293 Luna is an antisocial mess who is going by ancient standards. Shiny is way out of his depth and just wants to get out of it all for one night. Also this was the chapter that people were asking for to "give Shiny a break". Be careful what you wish for, eh? But yeah, this was the "happy" chapter. The future won't be so nice. Also, Cady is at least as much at fault in this story, and neither of them is coping with the latest events too well. They are just reacting in very different ways. Just wait and see how deep this rabbit hole goes. Don't want to spoil.
2137344 This chapter was a lot about building up Shining's character outside of his marriage and family. What he is like with his friends, and how different he acts while outside of his very limited social circles in the castle. How much he needs something other than just Cadance. How much life is other things than just one pony to him. Sorry if it didn't come out that way. To me it did.
Cadance is freaky strong, and ponies seem to heal from even severe injuries in a heartbeat (Feeling Pinkie Keen, Read It and Weep). Maybe Shiny doesn't even think so much about it? This was already referenced in an earlier chapter, and this is the second part of that brick joke. Yeah. I have a weird sense of humour. And dysfunctional? That's pretty much the whole premise; a story of a fucked up couple in a strange magical world of technicolor ponies.
2137438 I guess getting drunk is just not my idea of fun, which is why this chapter didn't do much for me in terms of seeing Shining's "happy" side. I'm in the minority on that, I'm sure.
I seriously can't remember anything about Cady injuring Shiny before. I remember she caused him some pain at one point but I don't remember any broken bones. What chapter was that?
The dark brown unicorn, also with Lieutenant tags, is quick to get them up to speed. "We were just talking about the guard having a case of the AGHW. Our latest is the WCS with the new batch of recruits. Never seen such a group of U3 NAAVI's, totally LMF. Even with MBE seems to be FUBAR. There's only one green in the 3rd that's CO material, so I asked sergeant Smiles to run her through some WOFTEX to see if she's cut out for it." "Wait, old Happy's still around?" asks Shining Armor. "We can't seem to get rid of him. Still the same shouty bugger as always." "I thought he'd retired ages ago. He was Iron and mine's PTI back when we were in Basic." "Good looking wife, though," adds Iron Sight. "DFT and you know it. And you say that about every NCO," the brown unicorn says. "And every CO for that matter. I even heard you comment that about our dear Commander here."
21374382137710 Minority, perhaps, but I'm right there with ya. I have to agree that this chapter was just flat out depressing. Drowning your feelings in alcohol is not 'having fun', it's giving up. I'll never understand why this culture of 'drink your problems away' is considered being happy and having fun when it's just a sign of deeper issues that aren't being addressed properly. Watching someone drink til they can't think straight isn't fun in real life and it wasn't fun to read either. The whole chapter just felt like it killed the pacing for no real reason. Nothing significant happened outside of the Cadence having nightmares reveal, but that wasn't even the focus of the chapter.
You had opportunities here to actually give Shining some growth, or to lump even more problems onto his plate, but you just side-stepped all of them. The characters (OC's) were serviceable, but hardly worth remembering. They read like the 'drinking club 101' members list and aside from Iron they weren't even around long enough to do anything.
Maybe it's just me, but seeing someone get drunk really doesn't tell me much about their character or personality. It certainly didn't give me any real clue of how Shining acts with his friends. How one acts when drinking, particularly if the goal is drowning personal problems, is a poor indication of that person's personality.
This didn't show Shining's need of things outside of Cadence, it showed that he's a coward. It would have been better, I feel, if he had actually just spent time with a friend just talking rather than drinking.
I think I'll just leave it at that for now. I really hope the next chapter gets back to the actual story.
2139336 I can understand your point but this was really showing some of the issues in their marriage itself. Cadence is clingy and obsessive with nightmares haunting her, Shining is scared and making stupid, hypocritical mistakes and is now also doubting his love for Cadence at times. He's also just spilled all his problems to his best buddy who now might have somewhat of an idea what shining's going through in the morning.
The author just poked about 2 or 3 holes into their marriage as well as a few psychological issues within cadence herself. Cadence is above and beyond terrified losing shining right now and he is desperate to get away from her while she's trying to reel him in. The stuff holding this marriage together is getting pretty loose. A weaker couple would be separated within a few weeks of this but I'm hoping they stick it out.
2137710 When at the therapist for the first time, she checks his medical history and notes 17 broken ribs and several concussion in the last year for him. That's where the "eighteen" comes.
2139336 What can I say? I'm Finnish. The go to -solution for every problem is to get pissed, then throw the wife out into the snow and burn the house.
And if you don't think this chapter didn't advance the story or build characters, then maybe you might want to read it again? Even if it's not spelled out doesn't mean it's not there.
OK, I feel enough 'sorry' for Shining, now where can I find the chapter where it's from a different perspective? It's not fun to stay in one depressing (albeit, just-for-laughs) point of view throughout the story - we miss out on a lot of other stuff that could be going on in the background. It just feels rather flat without the depth it's sorely lacking and yes, comedy is usually better with depth.
yeah because making up a pony bar character with only the help of the scene is really not neccessary why would you make up your own characters for your own use in your story wihen you could just grab a canon character name? /sarcasm
From someone who's drank a fair share of alcohol in their lifetime, of course getting hammered doesn't help anything. What it does accomplish is two-fold: It injects you with a chemical known as "fuck it" and makes your issues much easier to deal with mentally; and it removes the 'layers of society' that prohibit you from approaching a situation in all ways possible. Its like when most christians think of religion (myself included), our minds prevent us from delving too deep lest we logic out something that would unravel our entire belief system. Sometimes you need a clear, unbiased appraisal of a situation for the solution to become apparent.
Shining Armor's self-centered and angry behavior at the beginning of this chapter put me off a little bit, but looking through his situation, I kind of see why he's thinking and acting the way he is.
He's complained about the sudden change in scenery and lifestyle ever since he's been married. Obviously such a shift would be jarring to anyone, especially someone who didn't realize how drastically their life would change, but a big part of Shiny's discomfort is the fact that he's surrounded by domineering, powerful mares, a situation he's never really been used to.
I don't think that element would normally be so disconcerting for him, but the fact that he was raped by Chrysalis almost immediately before his life turned around was bound to poison his perceptions. It's very possible he's subconsciously perceiving these powerful mares as threats and lashing out against them. His fantasy about his sister last chapter was marked especially by her submission to him, and he also remarked that he'd make the maids lick up the mess, another power fantasy.
Most of his questionable behavior is, in its own warped way, Shining Armor's method of trying to assert himself after his traumatic experience. That's probably the real reason why he hasn't told Cady that her strength has hurt him and even broke his bones--to do so would be to admit weakness during a period in his life where he's preoccupied with his prior vulnerability. Even lying to Cady about the party could be a twisted way of asserting himself: the simple act of withholding truth becomes a desperate act of empowerment.
All this is one reader's conjecture, of course, but that's definitely how I'm reading things right now.
Cady's own nightmare intrigued me. I think Shining Armor's found a way to admit his problems to Cadence. Since she admitted a nightmare to him, he can use that method to approach her as well: "Cady, you know how you mentioned your nightmares about your time in the caves? Well, I need to admit something like that of my own to you..."
So we've seen the therapy sessions and other events from Shiny's point of view so far. Will we get to see any of Cadence's sessions? Has she had any at this point in the story?
Very good. I pre-read for an author who writes OC romances so I may be slightly biased in my opinion of OC usage in your fic, but I think you handled it quite well. I would give you more but I'm in a terrible mood right now.. maybe later
Man this story seems to be getting darker and darker and is missing the humor of earlier chapters. I hope we see some light in this story soon because right now it's a fair bit more depressing than I can handle.
21400552139898 Then let me be a bit clearer than I was before. I didn't see anything new crop up here that wouldn't have been shown if this whole drinking night had been skipped.
From comment: 2137438 "Also this was the chapter that people were asking for to "give Shiny a break". Be careful what you wish for, eh?"
Unless I'm terribly mistaken, that read to me like this chapter was shoehorned in to placate readers. If I'm wrong about that feel free to say so, but it's the impression I got.
That in mind, I did call out the specific bit with Cadence as significant in my previous post; even if not fully addressing it. Thing is, that would have happened with or without the whole bit of Shining drinking himself stupid. We left off last chapter with Shining choosing to wander aimlessly instead of going straight home like he was supposed to, so the whole clingy wife thing was going to happen. But aside from some growth for Cadence, what did that really show about Shining? That he lies? That he's uncomfortable being around Cadence? We already know both of those things. Those are the reasons that got the whole plot moving from the start.
So what else was there? Well, you 'vocalized' Shining's emotions, but the core of his issues haven't changed. He's been questioning his love for Cadence from the start, so that wasn't a new revelation. He's still reeling from learning he was raped and continues to act like an idiot because he's too afraid to face his fears. Instead of being honest, he just lies and mentally lashes out at Cadence.
For me, that whole part of the chapter was essentially what I expected to happen. The way the previous chapter ended, I knew we'd be seeing a confrontation of sorts with Cadence. The curve ball, of course, was Cadence having nightmares. Wasn't certain if that was going to be an issue for the story or not, but I am glad that it is. So, we got the confrontation, we got the reason for it and everything looked like it was going right on course. Then the drinking section happened.
The sum total of that majority of the chapter was: Shining lied (again). Really, aside from a few things that were already being inferred getting spelled out in Shining's thoughts, what actually happened? We already know he's got a problem with lying. We already know he's questioning his love/attraction to Cadence. We already know he's afraid to face his demons and tell Cadence the truth. So what of actual importance happened?
He met some 'friends' (I question his actual closeness with most of those characters at the bar. Drinking pals are not the same thing as genuine friends, though friends can be drinking pals in some cases.) Outside of Iron, he really didn't interact with anyone else besides getting angry at the barkeep. Even then, Shining was mostly just brooding the whole darn time as his guilt ate at him. But again, he's been feeling guilty about lying to Cadence for the whole story. Adding one more lie or two to the list at this point isn't really growing him as a character.
I'm not so blind as to think that nothing happened this chapter, I just didn't find most of it to be anything more than adding more of what we've already seen from Shining. His lying, his fear, his confusion, his doubt; for me, nothing new. Couple that with a standard scenario of a miserable person trying to drink his pain away (something I tend to find boring) and I'm left with a chapter to an otherwise enjoyable story that I did not really enjoy.
None of that takes away from the technical execution however. Characters are still in character, and the night out drinking was textbook perfect in it's progression of events to the point that it reminded me exactly why I don't go out and do that kind of thing with friends anymore. The OCs were, again, textbook. Even as stereotypical as they were, they felt like you ripped them out of a real bar. Luna's nudging felt a bit shoehorned as she basically pulled a full about-face right at the end of her conversation. Everything up til her last suggestion indicated she was going to try to nudge him in the right direction, then she just suddenly tells him "Go ahead! You're stupid enough to be here, why stop now?".
As for Shining spilling his guts to a friend, drunkenly blurting out your problems is not the same thing as honestly talking to someone about your problems; especially when the other guy is just as drunk as you.
I feel at this point that Shiny may be much more open with Cadance if she had shut up the two chatty maids that wake them up in the morning. She was completely unsympathetic about them digging endlessly into a very obvious open wound on him. The worst part is that, if Shiny says anything, everybody will say that he's the one at fault. The fact that we guys tend to stay cool and collected doesn't mean that we have no feelings, especially when we feel inadequate.
And never mind how controlling she's becoming! Mobilizing the Guard over him being late! I hope he doesn't make it home tonight!
That is certainly the balance that we as drunks try to achieve: the line between seeing things unclouded and unbiased, and being so fucking wasted that you can't remember anything.
2144757 You've put so much thought into your message that allow me to answer in kind. But before I start, I really appreciate people thinking and musing on my stories, and I'm happy to read critique from everyone.
First off, no, don't worry, the bar scene was planned almost from the beginning of the story. And it will actually push the story in a very new direction that it wouldn't have otherwise. And if you found it depressing, then I did a good job. I don't particularily approve of drinking, which is very uncommon in Finland. Did you get the feeling that Shiny was desperate to have fun? The whole evening he acted out like a total "chum", trying to get as drunk as possible as fast as possible to take his mind out of his marital problems... and then in the end, failing miserably and spilling his guts to a mate.
But let's get down to the nitty-gritty.
The worst offender to me was lying. And not as such the lying from earlier chapters where Sniny just tried to cover up his own faults and failures, but actually going as far as to calculatedly deceive Cady to go have fun. I find it a completely different level of low. He didn't make it up on the spot or try run away from his problems. He actually did it to ditch Cady for his own, personal reasons. And this is alike the time he just went to wonder around, but that time was because of the therapist's suggestion, and his own need to clear his thoughts.
The first part was inevitable. I almost felt like writing a mechanical, forced series of events from his return to the castle to when he fell into bed. I'm really not happy with it, and me and the "team" worked it over several times to make it have something concrete and not just 2k words of "honey, dear, mushymushyfuckyou". And there's a giant difference between something being inferred as to actually admitting the thing to yourself. You might think yourself that smoking, energy drinks, being overweight are maybe issues in your personal life, but only when you actually admit them can you do anything about it. I also concider this the first time that Shiny actually admits to HIMSELF that the problem is not just about him having problems, but that the problems are mutual with Cadance, and that he is finally starting to realise there's so much more going on. And even doubting his love to Cady, which I think is pretty natural in circumstances as this. Love is not something that is on 24/7, pardon my cynicism, and love, like friendship, takes a lot of work on both parts. Oh dear... I'm sounding so syrupy right now.
The friends part about his drinking was Iron Sight. The rest were occasional buddies, but he's the guy I've referred to him missing the most from his job. He's almost his complete opposite, an unkempt fellow who hasn't gotten a single promotion since cadet school because of his massive lack of moral fiber. And as he said, he's the master of ceremony etc, and just wanted to allow Shiny to relax. Also... where did Shiny get angry with the barkeep? That was Iron.
All in all, we are going to see darker events in this chapter. Because life isn't always just fun and romance. Even with the amounts of comedy (and you got to admit the whole bar scene was pure comedy, if you don't, put on "viva las vegas" and read it again ) I still want to address some real issues, even with some hyperbolic humour in there. And my sense of humour is pretty dark, that's why the bar scene can be read in two ways: you found it to be a dark and desperate attempt to escape from his problems, but others have found it to be hilarious taken at face value. I don't think either of those views as wrong.
How drunk do you consider Iron to have been at the end of the evening? How much will he remember?
The part about Luna? No comment. It's really hard to talk about your own story without spoiling underlying messages or future events. I think I already said too much, so I'ma shut up nao.
Commence read.
Love those official orders.
2137013 Dude don't you ever sleep?
this chapter sucks you're not even a real brit
2137083 If becoming a brit means becoming like you, I'll take the polar bears any day. and you mispelt "youre".
Best author ever!
2137151 *flex*
2137020 I do...sometimes. It can be handy.
So now we get to find out that Cady has issues too...
I'm starting to think they should just be going to a marriage counselor by now.
... ... ...okay, I liked the use of the OCs, that was interesting...but I can honestly say I have no idea what just happened.
2137271 Did you maybe miss the part in the earlier chapters where the therapist also wants to see Cady, and then meet with them together?
2137274 Hmh? At which part?
Cadance, dear... you might want to talk to Celestia about a divorce. It's strange, but this chapter just made me lose all sympathy for Shining Armour, and I don't really approve of Luna's helping hoof either. "Hey, my new nephew and niece are having traumatic marriage problems thanks to sucubi bucking up their wedding, I should totally cover up the newly wed husband while he goes get his rump drunk while fantasizing about every mare (including his own sister) but his wife, while said wife is alone at home worried sick, scared, scarred and traumatised herself by all she's suffered through lately, and longs for some comfort and love from the pony she married. Why didn't ponies love me 1000 years ago, again?"
Cynicism aside, I did genuinely feel sorry for Cadance, and I hope things will start looking up at a foreseeable point in the future. Good chapter, all in all.
First part was good. Then SA getting drunker and drunker was really... nothing, really. I'm not seeing how it adds anything to the story, except the tiny bit about the limp horn. I dunno, might just be me - I've been drunk before but never enjoyed it, so I actually don't understand why people do it in the first place. But, I'm a freak. So, whatever.
Did Cadance seriously break SA's ribs? Like, what the hell? How is this not a serious thing? I'd like to feel sorry for SA, except he's being an ass by not talking to Cady about... well, anything of any importance, apparently. I'm wondering how much more dysfunctional this relationship can get. Somepony needs to start taking some friggin' intelligent initiative here, or this whole thing is going to end up in a trainwreck of a divorce.
Or just a lifetime of marital misery. Could go either way.
Oh, geez, I'm supposed to make an intelligent comment, I guess, but I got nothing. Reading this made me sad.
2137287
Yep I totally did. Actually, it's more that I forgot, but ya know.
2137293 Luna is an antisocial mess who is going by ancient standards. Shiny is way out of his depth and just wants to get out of it all for one night. Also this was the chapter that people were asking for to "give Shiny a break". Be careful what you wish for, eh? But yeah, this was the "happy" chapter. The future won't be so nice. Also, Cady is at least as much at fault in this story, and neither of them is coping with the latest events too well. They are just reacting in very different ways. Just wait and see how deep this rabbit hole goes. Don't want to spoil.
2137344 This chapter was a lot about building up Shining's character outside of his marriage and family. What he is like with his friends, and how different he acts while outside of his very limited social circles in the castle. How much he needs something other than just Cadance. How much life is other things than just one pony to him. Sorry if it didn't come out that way. To me it did.
Cadance is freaky strong, and ponies seem to heal from even severe injuries in a heartbeat (Feeling Pinkie Keen, Read It and Weep). Maybe Shiny doesn't even think so much about it? This was already referenced in an earlier chapter, and this is the second part of that brick joke. Yeah. I have a weird sense of humour. And dysfunctional? That's pretty much the whole premise; a story of a fucked up couple in a strange magical world of technicolor ponies.
i wonder what the girls nightout looks like
"Dat ass"
"Dat ass,you say?"
"yes cap'n, dat ass"
"carry on"
2137438 I guess getting drunk is just not my idea of fun, which is why this chapter didn't do much for me in terms of seeing Shining's "happy" side. I'm in the minority on that, I'm sure.
I seriously can't remember anything about Cady injuring Shiny before. I remember she caused him some pain at one point but I don't remember any broken bones. What chapter was that?
The dark brown unicorn, also with Lieutenant tags, is quick to get them up to speed. "We were just talking about the guard having a case of the AGHW. Our latest is the WCS with the new batch of recruits. Never seen such a group of U3 NAAVI's, totally LMF. Even with MBE seems to be FUBAR. There's only one green in the 3rd that's CO material, so I asked sergeant Smiles to run her through some WOFTEX to see if she's cut out for it."
"Wait, old Happy's still around?" asks Shining Armor.
"We can't seem to get rid of him. Still the same shouty bugger as always."
"I thought he'd retired ages ago. He was Iron and mine's PTI back when we were in Basic."
"Good looking wife, though," adds Iron Sight.
"DFT and you know it. And you say that about every NCO," the brown unicorn says. "And every CO for that matter. I even heard you comment that about our dear Commander here."
NEED A TRANSLATOR
2137292
From the moment Shining Armor entered the bar.
Oh man, the bar/club scene was absolute golden!
Also, Dat Ass.
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/346/e/c/spitfire__by_skipsypony-d5ntt60.jpg
Wow went all British and crumpets in this chapter. Was near unintelligible near the end, but drunk Brits... so makes sense.
2137438 2137710 Minority, perhaps, but I'm right there with ya. I have to agree that this chapter was just flat out depressing. Drowning your feelings in alcohol is not 'having fun', it's giving up. I'll never understand why this culture of 'drink your problems away' is considered being happy and having fun when it's just a sign of deeper issues that aren't being addressed properly. Watching someone drink til they can't think straight isn't fun in real life and it wasn't fun to read either. The whole chapter just felt like it killed the pacing for no real reason. Nothing significant happened outside of the Cadence having nightmares reveal, but that wasn't even the focus of the chapter.
You had opportunities here to actually give Shining some growth, or to lump even more problems onto his plate, but you just side-stepped all of them. The characters (OC's) were serviceable, but hardly worth remembering. They read like the 'drinking club 101' members list and aside from Iron they weren't even around long enough to do anything.
Maybe it's just me, but seeing someone get drunk really doesn't tell me much about their character or personality. It certainly didn't give me any real clue of how Shining acts with his friends. How one acts when drinking, particularly if the goal is drowning personal problems, is a poor indication of that person's personality.
This didn't show Shining's need of things outside of Cadence, it showed that he's a coward. It would have been better, I feel, if he had actually just spent time with a friend just talking rather than drinking.
I think I'll just leave it at that for now. I really hope the next chapter gets back to the actual story.
aaaa this chapter was fun.
I loved seeing shiny blow off some steam with his buddy.
I like this chapter, well done.
If I had money, I would pay for MOAR
Cadence... somepony needs to have a talk with her.
otherwise, funny and pretty much unintelligible at the end there.
2139336
I can understand your point but this was really showing some of the issues in their marriage itself. Cadence is clingy and obsessive with nightmares haunting her, Shining is scared and making stupid, hypocritical mistakes and is now also doubting his love for Cadence at times. He's also just spilled all his problems to his best buddy who now might have somewhat of an idea what shining's going through in the morning.
The author just poked about 2 or 3 holes into their marriage as well as a few psychological issues within cadence herself. Cadence is above and beyond terrified losing shining right now and he is desperate to get away from her while she's trying to reel him in. The stuff holding this marriage together is getting pretty loose. A weaker couple would be separated within a few weeks of this but I'm hoping they stick it out.
Dafuq in the last part, I barely understood a thing! XD
2137710 When at the therapist for the first time, she checks his medical history and notes 17 broken ribs and several concussion in the last year for him. That's where the "eighteen" comes.
2137866 Army acronyms — fun for the whole family!
2139930 Drunken Cockney brits — they can't understand each other either!
2139336 What can I say? I'm Finnish. The go to -solution for every problem is to get pissed, then throw the wife out into the snow and burn the house.
And if you don't think this chapter didn't advance the story or build characters, then maybe you might want to read it again? Even if it's not spelled out doesn't mean it's not there.
2139898 Thanks. Saved me a lot of typing.
OK, I feel enough 'sorry' for Shining, now where can I find the chapter where it's from a different perspective?
It's not fun to stay in one depressing (albeit, just-for-laughs) point of view throughout the story - we miss out on a lot of other stuff that could be going on in the background. It just feels rather flat without the depth it's sorely lacking and yes, comedy is usually better with depth.
yeah because making up a pony bar character with only the help of the scene is really not neccessary why would you make up your own characters for your own use in your story wihen you could just grab a canon character name? /sarcasm
next please
From someone who's drank a fair share of alcohol in their lifetime, of course getting hammered doesn't help anything. What it does accomplish is two-fold: It injects you with a chemical known as "fuck it" and makes your issues much easier to deal with mentally; and it removes the 'layers of society' that prohibit you from approaching a situation in all ways possible. Its like when most christians think of religion (myself included), our minds prevent us from delving too deep lest we logic out something that would unravel our entire belief system. Sometimes you need a clear, unbiased appraisal of a situation for the solution to become apparent.
Shining Armor's self-centered and angry behavior at the beginning of this chapter put me off a little bit, but looking through his situation, I kind of see why he's thinking and acting the way he is.
He's complained about the sudden change in scenery and lifestyle ever since he's been married. Obviously such a shift would be jarring to anyone, especially someone who didn't realize how drastically their life would change, but a big part of Shiny's discomfort is the fact that he's surrounded by domineering, powerful mares, a situation he's never really been used to.
I don't think that element would normally be so disconcerting for him, but the fact that he was raped by Chrysalis almost immediately before his life turned around was bound to poison his perceptions. It's very possible he's subconsciously perceiving these powerful mares as threats and lashing out against them. His fantasy about his sister last chapter was marked especially by her submission to him, and he also remarked that he'd make the maids lick up the mess, another power fantasy.
Most of his questionable behavior is, in its own warped way, Shining Armor's method of trying to assert himself after his traumatic experience. That's probably the real reason why he hasn't told Cady that her strength has hurt him and even broke his bones--to do so would be to admit weakness during a period in his life where he's preoccupied with his prior vulnerability. Even lying to Cady about the party could be a twisted way of asserting himself: the simple act of withholding truth becomes a desperate act of empowerment.
All this is one reader's conjecture, of course, but that's definitely how I'm reading things right now.
Cady's own nightmare intrigued me. I think Shining Armor's found a way to admit his problems to Cadence. Since she admitted a nightmare to him, he can use that method to approach her as well: "Cady, you know how you mentioned your nightmares about your time in the caves? Well, I need to admit something like that of my own to you..."
So we've seen the therapy sessions and other events from Shiny's point of view so far. Will we get to see any of Cadence's sessions? Has she had any at this point in the story?
2140876
Now here's a motherfucker with some motherfucking insight!
2142016 They are mother and daughter. Also Sassy's husband is called Limp Biscuit. He drives a train.
Did you know that Pipsqueak's dad is called Jolly Roger? New headcanon for you right there.
Very good. I pre-read for an author who writes OC romances so I may be slightly biased in my opinion of OC usage in your fic, but I think you handled it quite well. I would give you more but I'm in a terrible mood right now.. maybe later
2142134
Is that a "Crazy Train" reference I see?
I dont think I want to know what the grandmother's name was
Did Shining go out and get smashed in uniform?
Iron Sights seems like a good drinking buddy
Shining: he has so many issues it's not even funny any more (except it is)
Man this story seems to be getting darker and darker and is missing the humor of earlier chapters. I hope we see some light in this story soon because right now it's a fair bit more depressing than I can handle.
Pony strippers put clothes on? Seems legit.
2140055 2139898 Then let me be a bit clearer than I was before. I didn't see anything new crop up here that wouldn't have been shown if this whole drinking night had been skipped.
Unless I'm terribly mistaken, that read to me like this chapter was shoehorned in to placate readers. If I'm wrong about that feel free to say so, but it's the impression I got.
That in mind, I did call out the specific bit with Cadence as significant in my previous post; even if not fully addressing it. Thing is, that would have happened with or without the whole bit of Shining drinking himself stupid. We left off last chapter with Shining choosing to wander aimlessly instead of going straight home like he was supposed to, so the whole clingy wife thing was going to happen. But aside from some growth for Cadence, what did that really show about Shining? That he lies? That he's uncomfortable being around Cadence? We already know both of those things. Those are the reasons that got the whole plot moving from the start.
So what else was there? Well, you 'vocalized' Shining's emotions, but the core of his issues haven't changed. He's been questioning his love for Cadence from the start, so that wasn't a new revelation. He's still reeling from learning he was raped and continues to act like an idiot because he's too afraid to face his fears. Instead of being honest, he just lies and mentally lashes out at Cadence.
For me, that whole part of the chapter was essentially what I expected to happen. The way the previous chapter ended, I knew we'd be seeing a confrontation of sorts with Cadence. The curve ball, of course, was Cadence having nightmares. Wasn't certain if that was going to be an issue for the story or not, but I am glad that it is. So, we got the confrontation, we got the reason for it and everything looked like it was going right on course. Then the drinking section happened.
The sum total of that majority of the chapter was: Shining lied (again). Really, aside from a few things that were already being inferred getting spelled out in Shining's thoughts, what actually happened? We already know he's got a problem with lying. We already know he's questioning his love/attraction to Cadence. We already know he's afraid to face his demons and tell Cadence the truth. So what of actual importance happened?
He met some 'friends' (I question his actual closeness with most of those characters at the bar. Drinking pals are not the same thing as genuine friends, though friends can be drinking pals in some cases.) Outside of Iron, he really didn't interact with anyone else besides getting angry at the barkeep. Even then, Shining was mostly just brooding the whole darn time as his guilt ate at him. But again, he's been feeling guilty about lying to Cadence for the whole story. Adding one more lie or two to the list at this point isn't really growing him as a character.
I'm not so blind as to think that nothing happened this chapter, I just didn't find most of it to be anything more than adding more of what we've already seen from Shining. His lying, his fear, his confusion, his doubt; for me, nothing new. Couple that with a standard scenario of a miserable person trying to drink his pain away (something I tend to find boring) and I'm left with a chapter to an otherwise enjoyable story that I did not really enjoy.
None of that takes away from the technical execution however. Characters are still in character, and the night out drinking was textbook perfect in it's progression of events to the point that it reminded me exactly why I don't go out and do that kind of thing with friends anymore. The OCs were, again, textbook. Even as stereotypical as they were, they felt like you ripped them out of a real bar. Luna's nudging felt a bit shoehorned as she basically pulled a full about-face right at the end of her conversation. Everything up til her last suggestion indicated she was going to try to nudge him in the right direction, then she just suddenly tells him "Go ahead! You're stupid enough to be here, why stop now?".
As for Shining spilling his guts to a friend, drunkenly blurting out your problems is not the same thing as honestly talking to someone about your problems; especially when the other guy is just as drunk as you.
Cum, as in Ejaculant (verb: Cumming; orgasm) is not spelled as "Come"
I feel at this point that Shiny may be much more open with Cadance if she had shut up the two chatty maids that wake them up in the morning. She was completely unsympathetic about them digging endlessly into a very obvious open wound on him. The worst part is that, if Shiny says anything, everybody will say that he's the one at fault. The fact that we guys tend to stay cool and collected doesn't mean that we have no feelings, especially when we feel inadequate.
And never mind how controlling she's becoming! Mobilizing the Guard over him being late!
I hope he doesn't make it home tonight!
2137438
This was the happy? Oh boy.
I actually found this to be the most depressing chapter yet.
2140876
You are fecking brilliant.
2140360
That is certainly the balance that we as drunks try to achieve: the line between seeing things unclouded and unbiased, and being so fucking wasted that you can't remember anything.
2144757 You've put so much thought into your message that allow me to answer in kind. But before I start, I really appreciate people thinking and musing on my stories, and I'm happy to read critique from everyone.
First off, no, don't worry, the bar scene was planned almost from the beginning of the story. And it will actually push the story in a very new direction that it wouldn't have otherwise. And if you found it depressing, then I did a good job. I don't particularily approve of drinking, which is very uncommon in Finland. Did you get the feeling that Shiny was desperate to have fun? The whole evening he acted out like a total "chum", trying to get as drunk as possible as fast as possible to take his mind out of his marital problems... and then in the end, failing miserably and spilling his guts to a mate.
But let's get down to the nitty-gritty.
The worst offender to me was lying. And not as such the lying from earlier chapters where Sniny just tried to cover up his own faults and failures, but actually going as far as to calculatedly deceive Cady to go have fun. I find it a completely different level of low. He didn't make it up on the spot or try run away from his problems. He actually did it to ditch Cady for his own, personal reasons. And this is alike the time he just went to wonder around, but that time was because of the therapist's suggestion, and his own need to clear his thoughts.
The first part was inevitable. I almost felt like writing a mechanical, forced series of events from his return to the castle to when he fell into bed. I'm really not happy with it, and me and the "team" worked it over several times to make it have something concrete and not just 2k words of "honey, dear, mushymushyfuckyou". And there's a giant difference between something being inferred as to actually admitting the thing to yourself. You might think yourself that smoking, energy drinks, being overweight are maybe issues in your personal life, but only when you actually admit them can you do anything about it. I also concider this the first time that Shiny actually admits to HIMSELF that the problem is not just about him having problems, but that the problems are mutual with Cadance, and that he is finally starting to realise there's so much more going on. And even doubting his love to Cady, which I think is pretty natural in circumstances as this. Love is not something that is on 24/7, pardon my cynicism, and love, like friendship, takes a lot of work on both parts. Oh dear... I'm sounding so syrupy right now.
The friends part about his drinking was Iron Sight. The rest were occasional buddies, but he's the guy I've referred to him missing the most from his job. He's almost his complete opposite, an unkempt fellow who hasn't gotten a single promotion since cadet school because of his massive lack of moral fiber. And as he said, he's the master of ceremony etc, and just wanted to allow Shiny to relax. Also... where did Shiny get angry with the barkeep? That was Iron.
All in all, we are going to see darker events in this chapter. Because life isn't always just fun and romance. Even with the amounts of comedy (and you got to admit the whole bar scene was pure comedy, if you don't, put on "viva las vegas" and read it again ) I still want to address some real issues, even with some hyperbolic humour in there. And my sense of humour is pretty dark, that's why the bar scene can be read in two ways: you found it to be a dark and desperate attempt to escape from his problems, but others have found it to be hilarious taken at face value. I don't think either of those views as wrong.
How drunk do you consider Iron to have been at the end of the evening? How much will he remember?
The part about Luna? No comment. It's really hard to talk about your own story without spoiling underlying messages or future events. I think I already said too much, so I'ma shut up nao.