Not Another Human in Equestria

by Admiral Biscuit

The Line Forms in Back

Marcus leaned back in his chair, and clicked the volume button on the tv controller up. His mom and dad were out for the night, so there was no reason to be quiet. He opened up a bag of Cheetos and cracked a cold Pepsi, then leaned back as the opening music of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic started booming through the surround sound.

As the camera cut through the happy ponies frolicking in Ponyville, Marcus found himself, once again, wishing he was there. It seemed that he thought about the ponies more and more lately, especially since he seemed to be going through a kind of difficult time in his life. He felt a kind of warm, tingly sensation wash through his body as the shot of Twilight Sparkle in her balloon flashed across the screen, and them muttered, “I wish I was in Ponyville right now.”

With a magenta flash, he disappeared from his chair, and a Pepsi fizzed out across the carpet.

~~~

He blinked his eyes at the dazzling sunlight. Just a moment before, he had been in his basement, but now…dare he hope? He tilted his head back, slowly opening his eyes, letting them adjust to the sudden light. All around him was a babble of noise, but he wasn’t going to pay attention to that right now; he wanted to start from the top and work his way down.

The sky was clear, although it had an oddly purple tint which he couldn’t remember from the show. He frowned, and took a deep breath, which was a mistake; it smelled kind of like a locker room. Puzzled he brought his gaze down. Is that Sugarcube Corner? OMG (yes, he thought it just like that), it IS! A blissful expression flittered across his face before he saw the crowd around it.

The streets, the park, the bridge—-in fact, every open space that could be occupied—-was filled with people. Thousands of people. Most of them—-99% of them, in fact--men, mostly by his best guess in their mid twenties. Many of them were wearing We Love Fine brony t-shirts and hoodies.

He looked at the person to his immediate right. “How is this possible?”

The guy shrugged. “Dunno. It wasn’t this crowded this morning.”

~~~

Twilight looked through the protective bubble around Ponyville with her telescope, one of the few items she had been able to remove from the library before it was overrun. These things, these brownies (she was pretty sure that is what Pinkie had called them), had been popping into town at the rate of hundreds per hour; ever since the night before when she had cast a broad-range search spell to locate the Cutie Mark Crusaders who, it turned out, had fallen down the well. After rescuing them, she had filled the well with dirt and then magiced on a cover that couldn’t be removed by anypony less than an alicorn.

Now all her energy was concentrated on the bubble. She had first used the spell against the Cutie Mark Crusaders during their brief foray into being newspaper reporters (and, she thought idly, it was interesting how the CMC often inspired her to learn spells she might not have otherwise). This one kept the so-called brownies in town, so they didn’t wander into the Everfree forest (good riddance), or worse, further into Equestria. The Princesses had been notified, and the guardsponies were on their way. All pegasi had been pulled off weather duty and on patrol duty, because not all of them were appearing in Ponyville, it seemed. Reports of the strange creatures were popping up all over Equestria.

For her part, Celestia was in a panic for the first time she could remember in her life. Even the situation with Nightmare Moon had been something she could understand, at least. This, this was something worse than a parasprite invasion. Twilight’s reports had indicated that these creatures had probably already eaten every food item in town except for hay and flowers, and appeared to have befouled the river. The stench was almost unbearable, especially since there were so many of them crowded into such a small area, and Twilight had reported that their numbers seemed to be increasing exponentially.

On one hoof, Princess Celestia could simply scorch all of Ponyville. She hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but she could if need be; and if a solution could not be found soon, she would have to. Even though she regretted the taking of life, especially sentient life, if the numbers kept increasing, she would. Already they were likely to consume all of Equestria’s food supply in the first week they were there, and that was only if their number leveled off. If it didn’t—nopony wanted to think about what would happen then.

But they were sentient, Twilight had said. Weird, but sentient. They seemed to be related to Diamond Dogs, and Rarity said they smelled like Diamond Dogs.

“We could do a mass transformation spell, Tia” Princess Luna suggested. “We could turn them into something small, something that would not eat so much, and, if we find a solution to send them back, then we could always transform them back.”

Celestia looked up from the pile of reports that kept appearing in front of her as if by magic. “Do you have the power to perform such a spell?”

Luna lowered her head. “We believe we can. Our specialty is transformation magic, and most of the creatures are in a small spot, making the targeting easier. We would have to turn them into simple creatures, and we are not sure they would retain their sentience.”

Celestia slammed a hoof down on the floor. “Then do it, and without a moment to spare.” She looked up at one of the guardsponies with bloodshot eyes. “When she has finished the transformation spell, burn Ponyville to the ground and replace it with a noxious swamp, and build a new Ponyville ten miles to the northeast. Tell the pegasi to move Cloudsdale upwind of the fire, and let it burn until nothing remains. So I have ordered.”

“So it shall be done,” the guardspony said impassively, and marched off to carry out his orders.

~~~

As the mane six sat on the hillside watching their former town burn, Pinkie Pie started jumping up and down. “I wish we had marshmallows! Then we could make a party out of this!”

Twilight looked at Rarity sadly, watching the treebary burning like a torch. “Are you going to miss your old boutique?”

“Darling, not at all,” Rarity said, with a tear in the corner of her eye. “Just the thought of all those…creatures…pawing through my fabrics, why, it’s too much to bear.” She summoned a charred fainting couch, but thought better of using it. Her eyes brightened. “Besides, these colors are inspiring me! A new clothing line! Yes, let me just get my quill and some parchment. Well, never mind then.” She pouted at the small pile of ash at her hooves. “Hopefully I either remember this in the morning, or, even better, forget it ever happened.” She turned her nose up and began humming softly to herself.

“Oh dear,” Fluttershy whispered softly. “There are ever so many new frogs to count now.” She looked over at Rainbow Dash. “Um, could you stop kicking them? That is, if you don’t mind.”

Comments

[silvadel]

I was actually hoping for butterflies.

[PornOfKidsMediaIsBAD]

BAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! This was amazingly funny.

[Shard]

He opened up a bag of Cheetos and cracked a cold Pepsi, then leaned back as the opening music of My Little Pony: Fridenship is Magic started booming through the surround sound.

You said Fridenship. I think you meant friendship.

[Admiral Biscuit]

1682759
Aaand, fixed. Can't believe I didn't catch that. Thanks!

[Red Bomber]

Okay they weren't as sadistic as I thought they were but I could see one or a couple of bronies being gone from the town before the bubble was cast unless she did that from the first ten or so bronies that rapidly appeared..

[WIL_I_ZIN]

Fluttershy: "And these frogs sound completely different!"

Frog 1: "Bud.."

Frog 2: "Wi...'

Frog 3: "Ser.."

[Admiral Biscuit]

1682569

. . . bursting forth with the power of ten thousand butterfly sneezes...

frogs seemed more appropriate, since Ponyville was to be replaced with a swamp.

Also, I happened to be looking over this chapter for the purposes of self-promotion and happened to notice your comment--my second (I believe) little bit of feedback I've received, and I also have noticed that you commented on Celestia Sleeps In. Anyway, I didn't want to say it there, because SPOILER ALERT but you are 100% correct--you can have the satisfaction of knowing that you called it in the comments. In three more chapters, Dale will be on the wrong side of the barrier, and the Coast Guard is going to be standing on the beach, scratching their collective heads.

[RealityCheck]

Yay, more human self-loathing.

[Dragonlover553]

So Luna's a murderer. This story fucks.

[Forderz]

I've decided to burn through your back catalougue, since I like OttPP so much, and I doubt I will come to regret my descision.

[Lancerlot]

2982448
The way I see this, these aren't humans as we generally understand such. They're apparently those among bronies who sincerely wish they were in Equestria. Since those bronies tend to be the ones that hate being human, they're probably happier being frogs.

[Misty Horse]

I miss Marcus... He was such a great human...

[Admiral Biscuit]

6175328
Don't worry! He didn't croak.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120808110952/mlp/images/archive/8/8a/20140410230944!Frogs_jumping_away_S1E23.png

[an1979]

Huh, I see that in those old fic(s) you used to use "sentient" instead of "sapient".