KraZeeshade
Joined 9th Oct, 2012 ·
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My friend, I hope your open to strong criticism.
^
I lost some brain cells reading this.
I'll just give you a summary:
CAPITALIZATION AND WORD GRAMMAR.
Even the title isn't capitalized. You need spacing after punctuation marks. and words like 'can't' , 'I'm and 'don't' need an apostrophe.
SPACING.
Separate the conversation and the narration or else the readers will get confused.Skip one space mark while in a conversation. As for narration, do it on paragraph form with the occasional spacing.
In other words, get this right. Rewrite everything. It's obviously rushed and I can't see anything correct in this story.
Ive seen what you have wrote. This is pathetic. You have done alot better. I had to re-read things a few times to understand it. Get a proof reader and try reading fics before you write them. Re right this. You can do alot better
1497063 ok bro first of all this is my first attempt at writng a fimfic
. second of all it was extremely rushed i was doing it while watchin tv eating and doing homewerk. you probly cant peee and stand up wout passing out.
....... u mad bro. i know u iz im gonna disliked all your fics CUZ U SUCK
1497759
Woah man, chill!
I was only giving you helpful remarks, its what makes a story grow and become better. If you can't accept criticism, you'll never be able to make any good fics.
Oh, I also don't have any fics, soooo....
Maverick don't be so rude to him,i know him even though he's had a bad story it's his first.
but i still haven't read it but,
if i like it
if i don't like it
1497063contructive criticism accepted... but only constructive.
1499448
I'm not being rude to him. If I was, then every story critic out there are assholes.
Well I gave this a read because I was asked and... well if I had to give any positive feed back it would be that the over all idea is fine, I can honestly say I haven't seen this before. In fact I kinda like the premise.
With that said here's some helpful advise.
- Put a space after each punctuation.
- Make a new paragraph when someone else is talking, even if it's only one word.
If you do those two simple thing you wont have huge blocks of text that almost no one will read.
Anyway that's my two cents... have a Applejack