I have to agree with Inky Swirl. The potential is there, you hit all the marks, except for pacing. Take your time to explain things, and make sure that the reader can keep pace with what you're telling us.
By the way, going right into the group. About time a new one was made anyway.
1426904 Thank you. This is my first attempt at writing anything other than little vignettes, So I'm aware that my pacing is to fast. It's something I'm working on. What points do you feel suffered the most from the pacing?
1427011 "By the way, going right into the group. About time a new one was made anyway." I don't understand you. EDIT: Now I see, you added me to MacDash. thanks again.
No by all means, your comments are exactly what I'm looking for.
The original seed of this story was just the spring house scene, with a little prologue setting things up. The rest of the story just sorta gestated in my head and I had to write it out. Not having the forethought I should have, I built the story up after the encounter. I'm currently trying to get more development in between the start of the story and when the cider comes out.
I like were this is going...yeah the paceing is a good idea (dont take me too seroius im not a writer XD)...i would like to see more but i think i know where the "flame" part is going and...well...its your desicion...keep it up :D
I loved it all it so cute she can't stop thinking about big Mac.I can't wait to see what happens next between them.And to find out what Zacrda was talking about.
“We’re makn’ sure Twilight has everything she needs for the schedule.” Applejack replied. She paused for a moment and flashed a wicked smile. “Now you know Dash. Big Mac wants a family. Two or three foals running around the farm. Keep that in mind before you go getn’ used to that spell.”
“I fear an ancient evil again stalks the night! Twilight, greater than your magic’s might. You bend the ear to gods, of day and night. If the whispers of the spirits be true. This may be the end of me and you. Now it is I that besiege you at your place. To ask you for your wisdom's grace.”
No, dammit! Just let a slice-of-life be a slice-of-life. Why do authors do this?!
I have to agree with Inky Swirl. The potential is there, you hit all the marks, except for pacing. Take your time to explain things, and make sure that the reader can keep pace with what you're telling us.
By the way, going right into the group. About time a new one was made anyway.
1426904 Thank you.
This is my first attempt at writing anything other than little vignettes, So I'm aware that my pacing is to fast. It's something I'm working on. What points do you feel suffered the most from the pacing?
1427011 "By the way, going right into the group. About time a new one was made anyway."
I don't understand you. EDIT: Now I see, you added me to MacDash. thanks again.
manscreed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/im-listening.jpg
1430279 "Not to bash your work"
No by all means, your comments are exactly what I'm looking for.
The original seed of this story was just the spring house scene, with a little prologue setting things up. The rest of the story just sorta gestated in my head and I had to write it out. Not having the forethought I should have, I built the story up after the encounter. I'm currently trying to get more development in between the start of the story and when the cider comes out.
MacinDash I'd best ship!
I like were this is going...yeah the paceing is a good idea (dont take me too seroius im not a writer XD)...i would like to see more but i think i know where the "flame" part is going and...well...its your desicion...keep it up :D
Gotta say well done on the Zecora lines.
I loved it all it so cute she can't stop thinking about big Mac.I can't wait to see what happens next between them.And to find out what Zacrda was talking about.
As much fun as the story is, some of of the errors ruin my immersion
The word your searching for is “bitch”.
No, dammit! Just let a slice-of-life be a slice-of-life. Why do authors do this?!