It's sad this has gotten so few comments, but not surprising. For some reason this fandom strongly prefers same-sex pairings.
Anyway, the idea is good. There isn't a ton of straight Rainbow Dash stuff out there. But things are moving way too fast. I was in the middle of reading the first chapter and literally thought "WTF, the sex is starting already?" In fact, I had to read it twice to make sure I was reading it right. You also need to be a lot more descriptive when it comes to the actual positions, feelings, and actions during the sex. I'd recommend going over the story a few times and adding a bit to it. That should make it shine. Not to bash your work or anything, but maybe keep it in mind for future writings.
I loved it all so much I enjoy learning how the first ponys where made and learning what happened to Big Mac and the others mom and dad.I can't wait to see what happens next between them.And whale I keep thinking of this song
Potential? Check.
Speed? Fail. Slow down, partner. Open the moments. Get me situated into the story before you whisk it away.
It's sad this has gotten so few comments, but not surprising. For some reason this fandom strongly prefers same-sex pairings.
Anyway, the idea is good. There isn't a ton of straight Rainbow Dash stuff out there. But things are moving way too fast. I was in the middle of reading the first chapter and literally thought "WTF, the sex is starting already?" In fact, I had to read it twice to make sure I was reading it right. You also need to be a lot more descriptive when it comes to the actual positions, feelings, and actions during the sex. I'd recommend going over the story a few times and adding a bit to it. That should make it shine. Not to bash your work or anything, but maybe keep it in mind for future writings.
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Got that Right. FIMFiction really needs an M/M, F/F and M/F filter in the clopfic section.
Definitely got some potential.the sex seemed a bit rushed, but overall, good job.
I loved it all so much I enjoy learning how the first ponys where made and learning what happened to Big Mac and the others mom and dad.I can't wait to see what happens next between them.And whale I keep thinking of this song
Thats it. Classic and simple stallion on mare action all to the finish. Love it x3
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your video’s gone, gonna need to a find a new link to whatever it was.