“Well… that wasn’t so bad,” I idly commented, walking in tandem with Twilight. She looked straight down the road with a thoughtful look.
“It could have gone better, but could’ve been worse too.” She disinterestedly replied.
Since leaving the restaurant, she had gotten pretty quiet. After Rarity left along with the others, Twilight seemed lost in her thoughts and not very inclined to talk. After a couple minutes of walking in the early-afternoon sun, I finally said something to the purple mare.
“Everything alright?” I asked. She blinked and looked over to me, as if just remembering I was there.
“What? Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Twilight halfheartedly smiled back. I didn’t buy it and decided to push some more.
“You don’t seem fine.” I replied. “If you’re worried about me around your friends, I think it all got out of the way when Rainbow Dash jumped me.” I finished with a decent attempt at lightening the mood with a laugh.
“Heh, no, it’s not that,” Twilight replied with a light chuckle. “I guess I’m just surprised how well-received you were by the rest of the girls.” She smiled, relieved.
“I try. Though to be honest…” I paused to catch up to her. I was still walking in slow motion compared to most ponies, trying to get the hang of things. “I try to make a good impression, but I was pretty nervous the whole time.”
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“You six seemed like a tight bunch,” I shrugged. “As close as you all seem, I didn’t wanna disrupt that. A new person in a close-knit group might… feel a little left out.” I looked down to the road for a moment, chewing on my lip.
“That’s it?” Twilight stopped and covered her mouth with a foreleg to stifle a laugh. I could only give her a confused look and wait for the giggling to die down. “Don’t worry about that, Edward. The other girls are used to weird things going on around me,” Twilight resumed walking. “At this point they probably expect these sorts of things.”
“You mean like dragging alien beings inside a pony body around with you?” I asked, trying to keep the humor going.
“Well, I guess there is a first time for everything.”
<><><><><><><><><><>
“Home sweet home~.” Twilight chimed, shutting the front door as we entered the library. I gave a quick look around the main room, taking it all in again.
“Might be a while before I think of it like that.” I mused, walking around, peering at the bookcases. I spied a large green tome sitting on a table, a golden symbol etched into the cover. Pulling it closer, I started flipping through it, looking at the strange language within.
’All these books, and I can’t read a single one. So much knowledge here...’
“Everything alright?” Twilight asked form across the room, eyeing me curiously as I flipped through random pages.
“Yeah…” I sighed a bit, closing the book and putting it back where I found it. “I’ve just never lived anywhere else before. I’ve never moved once since I was born.”
“I can relate actually,” Twilight said, packing her saddlebag in a nearby closet. “When I moved here a couple years ago, that was my first time living outside of Canterlot.” She looked up and out a window, staring longingly into the distance.
I walked over to the same window. Looking up, I was surprised to actually see the Equestrian capital poking out the side of the distant mountain.
“Huh. I didn’t know you could see the city from way out here.”
“It’s a big place, you can see it from quite a ways.” Twilight peeled herself from the window and trotted over to a desk, taking a seat and grabbing a quill.
“Do you miss it there?” I asked, resuming my walk around the tree’s interior.
“Hmm…” She hummed thoughtfully for a few moments. “I miss my family, and seeing Celestia, more often more than I miss the city.”
“Too loud there for your tastes?”
“It’s funny actually,” Twilight smiled. “I didn’t realize how much city noise there was until I moved to Ponyville. The quiet was really odd at first. It took some getting used to, but in the end… I like it here, most days.”
“What do you mean, ‘most days’?” I looked over to see her writing something, the scratch of her quill being the only sound for a few long moments. I couldn’t see her face completely, but she looked slightly troubled.
“It’s…” She trailed off with a sigh, pausing her writing. “For such a small town, it seems to have an awful lot of problems that—only I apparently only I—can solve.” Twilight huffed slightly. “Being an Element bearer has its perks, but everypony expects you to have all the answers, to be able to do solve everypony’s problems for them.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” I apologized, feeling awkward for making her rant.
“It’s alright, really.” Her all-too-big smile said otherwise, but there was no point arguing with her. Twilight inhaled and exhaled slowly to regain her composure, resuming her writings. “Any idea what you’re going to do for the rest of the day?”
“Good question actually.” I stopped walking around a while ago, opting for my bad habit of just standing awkwardly. It’s something I never grew out of, being unable to find a comfortable place in somebody else’s house. “Uh, wasn’t Spike supposed to come by?” I quickly asked out of thin air to break the silence.
“Rarity said she’d send him on his way, but he usually takes some convincing, so expect him to take an extra hour or two.” Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes. “If you want, we can sit down and I can teach you something.” She gasped suddenly. “Maybe some Equestrian history?!” The excitement in her voice was pretty clear.
’It is a wonder she isn’t already a teacher...’
“Sorry, not really in a mood to sit down. I’m feeling sort of energetic, which is ironic considering the only thing I’ve eaten in over a day was a bite of a sandwich.” I took a few steps in place, glancing out a window at some passing ponies.
“I see. Any ideas what you’re going to do then?” She asked.
“Think I’m going to take a walk around town actually, get some of this energy out and familiarize myself with the area.” Twilight nodded in response.
“Makes sense to me. Just don’t get lost.”
“I’ll, uh, do my best not to,” I said, wondering how anyone could lose their way in such a small place. Twilight was probably just looking after me. Telling the princesses I disappeared would not be a fun activity. “If I can't find my way back I’ll just ask somebod—”
“Somepony,” Twilight corrected. “Sorry, but you need to get used to saying it that way. Some ponies would think it’s weird, and a lot of questions about you isn’t a good idea.”
“Right,” I nodded, repeating the correct vocabulary in my head a few times. I went over to the front door and reached for the handle. “Well I guess I’ll be on my way then—”
“Wait!” Twilight jumped up and teleported in a bright flash right next to me. She quickly opened the small nearby closet and pulled out a rather generic brown saddlebag. “Here, take this with you, and have some bits, too.” She levitated the bag onto my back and deposited a pouch inside. “Just incase you want to buy something while you’re out.”
I shifted the weight of the saddlebag around, its weight was somewhat annoying at first, but after a moment it was almost comfortable. It also conveniently obscured the spot my Cutie Mark would’ve been.
“Try to be back before it gets dark, and I’ll see what I can make for dinner you might like.” Twilight smiled warmly. I returned the smile as best I could, still a little thrown off by her teleportation over to me.
“Thanks, Twilight. You don’t need to do all this you know. I mean, you already took me in and I took over your basement.” It wasn’t me not being used to another’s kindness, it was just so much I felt a little stonewalled at that moment. Twilight however, merely rolled her eyes with a smile.
“That money was from the princesses for you anyways.” She nodded to the bag. “Besides, what kind of host would I be?” Twilight used her magic to open the door for me. “Now get going, explore and have some fun in Ponyville.” She chimed, quickly closing the door behind me with a subtle click.
I looked around, feeling the pleasant afternoon breeze through my coat for a few moments. I wasn't sure which way to venture at first, but eventually I decided to just walk the direction Twilight’s front door faced.
’Ready or not Ponyville, here I come…’
Woohoo an update! Hopefully with more to come.
it's alive? O.O
5608795 I'm asking the same question. This isn't any different from many other old transformation fics, and not as well written as some of them.
I was begining to think that this was dead
It's good to see that's not the case
5608820
There are more polite ways to phrase that, thanks.
5608910
It's a bit of a niche story for one specific kind of audience. And I wasn't exactly the same writer I am now when I started this... project. All I can say is it definitely gets better over time. It was a very experimental story for me.
An update
...now I just have to re-read the rest so I can understand what's going on.
Any more comments about having to re-read the entire story will be deleted. It's not funny anymore people. Life just happens and it delays me.
Ah dunno. Havin' read hundreds upon hundreds of "Human Equestria" fics... yer story seems bland??
Meh. At least yer sorta improvin' yer writing.
Best of luck.
5608820
Ah totally agree.
An' ah love this genre... So it's sorta disappointing seein' something with such a misleading rating.
Oh shoots! This story's still alive?!
5609676
It took a few rounds of the defibrillator, but yep, it's still got some blood in its veins.
5609707
Sweet! I hope it keeps flowing, man! (Almost) Every story on this site is awesome, and it sucks to see a story die half-way
Good to see an update. More of a holdover chapter than anything, but it was still a nice little read and hopefully I can take it as an indicator that more is to come.
Happy writing.
5609016 I would highly recommend against that, for your sake.
Trust me the cost would differently outweigh the benefits if you take such actions.
5609717
*hacking coughs*
5609997
I agree about your assessment of the main character, however, when you come to talk about logic in a fic that speaks mostly of candy coloured little ponies in a land called Equestria...
5608931
Is it still experimental?
5608820
Agreed.
5610648 you still have to follow some sort of logic though... You can't be Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog and have ass pull after ass pull. Even MLP follows the logic of the universe that it's in.
5610785
It does, and new ones are made up as the show progresses, same with the story, the writer makes the laws, not the reader, you can only decide if you like them or not.
Also, authors don't have a requirement to follow canon... or logic.
5610785
If you paid any attention to the various signs, you'd see I wrote this literally years ago, before I knew anything. Yes it's still somewhat experimental, but I refuse to abandon stories.
Argh... too many stories coming back to life. I have over 200 unread chapters in my faves list!
So many stories so little time.
5610885
Yeah!
Take that 5610785! Also, stories can have ass-pull after ass-pull.
Author, do you have time for a rewrite of the first chapters?
5611761
derpicdn.net/img/2012/10/5/114184/medium.png
It was the best idea I had at the time. This story isn't exactly young.
5611548
Pfft, I wish. Life hasn't exactly been kind to me the past 8-ish months. But it has been added to the top/near-top of my to do list. I really do feel embarrassed how sub-par the entire beginning arc of this story is.
But like being dropped into a vat of boiling water, it does eventually cool down. You might've sustained permanent berve damage, but it gets better....
5612247
*cough*
berve...
XDDD
Alright, I've got no problem with that!
Make sure you eat well and regularly, have plenty of rest, if you can't get 1 of them, make sure you get the other.
Praise the Sun - Praise the Moon - Praise everything you can still hold dear
5613258
Pardon?
5613280
Edited my comment.
You may wonder if Ponyville is ready for you, but the real question... Is are you ready for hell?
5617428
For the last fucking time, I made this story years ago. I was just screwing around. You people need to chill out and try to be a little more polite in your comments.
Pertaining to your small description:
That small box is limited because it is used to convey thematic elements. Ask questions that you expect the reader to ask during your story, or make them intrigued with just one quick, out of context plot point.
It's not for ranting.
THAT SAID, it was because of that small description that I clicked on this story anyway, and since I'm here I'm about to start reading. So I guess your small box was successful? I still think you should change it.
5723925
Nah. I slipped one past the mods, I'm keeping it
That being said, don't expect a whole hell of a lot. This story was started years ago when I didn't know what I was doing. So be warned and all that.
This is going to go well... not!
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/37540750/_ponies/gilda%20mother%20of%20god.png
First of all, I love the HiE genre and I image many scenarios and stories about HiE as well as read many of them.
I will put my pieces of thought into this little comment.
RD seem overly aggressive (Seem to be the norm for many authors here which might be justified during the early days but definitely not now)...There are being wary, being protective and there are being hot head, being unreasonable, being the stereotypical jock with empty head....And this is not the beginning of the show RD. Early RD might get some leeway considering her character and experience at the time, but this is not exactly...fiting...This seem like it is in the middle of season 3 and RD should be a lot more mature if I still remember correctly.
True, this is the world you created but, it is still based on a well established world and you need to keep it somewhat in character when trying to potray them as "that character". If she is not at least somewhat similar with the show's RD then the season opener can hardly happend in similar way and thus, creating the mane 6. But, that is for potraying RD completely out of character. This seem more like she hadn't matured at all.
As for the main character...He seem to like to process things in a logical way and many magical things isn't exactly logical. But, the thing is...It is still very much logical enough to comprehend. But, in this...He doesn't seem to be as logical as he would like to think himself as...I'm not sure if that was intentional or not.
At the beginning, he is a very unlikable character, but that can be explain with him being an experimental character in a experimental story. He is better now but, I still feel like he is missing something.
Pinkie being Pinkie, so I don't know what to say.
I do get the impression that writing her is not your...forte? <--- Is this the right word?
I'm not sure what you're planning with Twilight acting strangely so I can't touch that yet.
Other characters seem decent enough...And many mistakes you made in the earlier chapters can be contribute to being relatively "new" to this so I won't be nitpicking on that.
Well, that is all for now...
6511048
Just so you know, this story is 3 years old, and is hardly my best work. So try not to be too harsh
Your writing style definitely improved over the time
I hope this story will be finished eventually.
TLAL’s tenth chapter promises to be... something? Well from the looks of things, it cuts straight to later on. Let's see how that decision affects the story.
… “asked form across" - 'form" should be "from".
... "only I apparently only I" - Repeating "only I" doesn't serve much purpose. Remove one of them.
... "be able to do solve" - Remove "do".
... "Just incase you" - Place a space between "in" and "case".
... "walk the direction" - Place "in" between "walk" and "the".
And that's it!... That's it? Huh, thought there'd be a lot more to the chapter, really; very few errors this time around, I'm considerably impressed by that! This seemed to be a good chapter to keep short unlike Chapter Nine, as the point where it broke off was with the removal of a character from the scene. That said, it's a bit strange how it ended in such an open manner, without much direction.
All the ponies left and went home, but we are still to expect to see Rarity and Spike at some point. Other options include Rainbow Dash and Applejack, depending on where he goes, though I doubt Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie would be present, as Pinkie is working on a party, and Fluttershy would have probably went straight back to her cottage. That said, Twilight Sparkle's note; I wonder what it says on it, for her to simply return home and give an update so nonchalantly. She didn't even seem too invested in the letter she was writing, making me question both the importance, and the content therein.
But that's all we can gather from Chapter Ten. Next we'll have Edward on his first solo adventure so far. Personally, I'm just hoping there's not a bunch of Lyra-jokes or appearances based around her somehow "knowing". As long as it doesn't go THAT way, I'll be happy to see what becomes of this.
5608861 Alondro never did get his head around the idea of tact. Wonder if he's like that in person too, or just for literally every comment I've seen him make?