Shortly after returning to the castle, Luna is having trouble feeling at home again. The tramua these two sisters felt did not disapear in that burst of magic. What happened after the season intro?
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 7th Mar, 2024
- offline last seen April 3rd
Duskstrike
Twitter: @duskstrike. Tumblr: theoneandonlyduskstrike
Duskstrike
Joined 7th Mar, 2024 ·
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This was an interesting little read, which I quite enjoyed.
My favorite part and what I think is the highlight of the story is:
Did you come with this line or where did you get it from?
Now, it's pretty obvious that this story is in need of a second or third spelling check, since it has too many spelling errors to mention them all here in the comments section.
A few suggestions: Pay attention to punctuation, narrator and character dialogue need to be properly separated by an appropriate punctuation mark.
Dialogues between two or more characters should not exist in the same paragraph. Separate them correctly.
Look for words that need to be capitalized.
You use double period '..' a lot when it should be '...', but you use it so often that I'm not sure if this is done intentionally or not.
11843976
Yeah pretty much a first draft just shot it it there and called it done.
That line, too my knowledge, is wholy original. I have a habbit of saying things that SOUND like they've come from somewhere else but did not.
I hope you enjoyed despite it's rough nature.
In light of your comment I have hopefully fixed the first chapter's legibility. I will... probably get around to the second chapter. Eventually.