Okay, here it is; my first attempt at including a 'real' clop scene in a more serious story. I just hope it doesn't feel gratuitous; to clarify, it is here for several reasons. I guess part of my aim with this story was to see if it was possible to create a fic with a narrative partially built around the more sexual side of relationships, along with looking at sexual conventions/politics to some degree, without getting mired into it feeling like a pure clopfic. I guess only time will tell how successful it was in the long run!
In any case, enjoy, and apologies for another crazy-long chapter!
2143332 Don't worry about this story getting turned into pure clop. You've done a nice job with the buildup and it feels more romantic...I suppose that's the word I want to use? Sex is just a natural progression of any romantic relationship and some authors just want to write clop to get more views or in some cases just for the hell of it. I have only one question: Do you intend to write more or was this kind of like the finale?
2143332 "Without it getting mired into it feeling like a pure clopfic"? Damn, Ardens, you made an exquisite 9000 word chapter out of what would have taken anybody else 2000 to accomplish with no romance included at all. This was 95% brilliant romance with 5% clop, and it made the actual clop scene even more powerful because of it. How on earth you can do that is beyond me; your ability to weave detail like this is astounding. Celestia help me learn to write as well as you do.
Okay, Adrensfax... I love your long chapters. I love how you lead up to and wrote through the clop scene. I love how gentle and careful Trixie was with Fluttershy and how she was able to use that (in part) to kick little miss Great and Powerful out of her head. And, as ever, I love the way you write Fluttershy in this. She's so sweet and loving and sheltered and awkward and ... broken that my heart reaches out to her with every word and action. Trixie, also, with her insecurities and feelings of worthlessness and dark parts of her mind, fascinates me. She reminds me a lot of how I used to be, examining every motive for malicious intent and generally working hard for everyone's forgiveness and everyone's acceptance but her own. You've painted her as a hauntingly lonely and beautifully trusting mare in search of salvation, and I can't get enough of it. The thing that I love about you as a writer, when it comes right down to it, is the bold and unique way you choose to embrace and expand on character flaws rather than to simply look at them as something to be worked through for development. Your ponies are undeniably and indelibly broken, and it's through that brokenness that you achieve their beauty and triumph. Like in this chapter, switching between Trixie's actions upon Fluttershy and her internal monologue.... that was some powerful stuff. While she's fighting with the personification of all she hates about herself, the dark corner of her mind full of smoke and mirrors that's using a previous error in judgement to tear Trixie down, she's too busy trying in the here and now to make her new love feel beautiful and wanted. And it was amazingly well-done. I found myself on the edge of my seat (quite literally; if not for the kitchen table I would have landed on the floor at least twice), scrolling madly downward to see where the two opposing influences on Trixie's current state of mind would lead. And it payed off like I never expected, with Trixie using this act of love to exorcise herself of the inner demon. Another thing I loved about this chapter, while I have the time to gush, is how loving and caring this act of sexual intimacy came across. WHen I finished the saucy bit, I wasn't thinking "here I am on a school night, reading about pony sex", I just found myself smiling and feeling very happy for these two fictional characters and the mature and respectful way they went about ... knowing each other. There was an odd symbolism and meaning (at least I thought there was) in how they truly came together as a couple in the woods. Nature, especially that hill and the Everfree, are almost characters in their own right here. Which is awesome. So, Adrensfax, don't apologize for the long chapters. They have a nice substance and weight to them that always comes across as a pleasant surprise as I read them. Sure, you may use a lot of words, but they're the right words to use. I have so much respect for you, both as a writer and as solid proof that sometimes it pays off to keep the mature filter off. Thank you for your work.
This was such a beautiful chapter. Very Sensual. And it looks like Trixie finally conquered her inner demon. Now they just need to tell everypony that they are official.
I can genuinely say it did not feel gratuitous at all.
Firstly, let me say that I didn't expect it....after the events of the previous chapter, I expected the whole of this to be basically the opening - Fluttershy reeling with guilt and Trixie trying to reassure her...in a sense, perhaps something like this was inevitable given the precarious situation these two are in and the feelings they mutually share.
But as before, this did not feel like it happened "for the sake of it"....the whole thing was too long, too serious, too....everything -- that's not to say I didn't enjoy it, erm, sexually....but you mentioned that you wanted to look further into the politics something like this, and that's honestly what this whole chapter felt to me -- very very political...the focus didn't even seem to be on the sex, so much as it did as everything happening around it...it was just a driving force.
Was that a bad thing? Absolutely not...as you said, it was there for a reason, and it's not like you haven't explored this very dark sexual method of delving into Trixie before, with her kissing the G&PT....if anything, this only feels like it confirms how I felt before in how this is much darker then "Bluebirds Song"....
But you know, maybe it really really wasn't dark -- on the flipside, you could see this as being a very very tender moment, and it was: the moment everything finally comes out and Fluttershy finally gets the healing and protection she has deserved for so long...that Trixie has wanted to give her; in that, I care even less that the chapter is so long, because she's had it coming for a long time now...more then that, Trixie needed this as well -- it's not so much sex, but a genuine moment of making love between two adult mares who have never really known eachother at all, and yet are two halves of the same person....making up for lost time, huh?
More then that, Trixie scored an unbelievable victory for herself: the realization of learning to forgive and forget is a monumental one; arguably the biggest thus far...because she can ask forgiveness for others around her, and they can give it...but she'll never really move forward in life if she doesn't forgive herself for her own failings -- every single moment in life, the good and the bad, makes us who we are at this very very moment in time....their is simply no reason not to be proud of that, and while Trixie indeed may have alot to make up for, the fact remains, that she always had the ability to make things better for herself and after a year of living in trees like a wild animal....she has now finally climbed out of that cyclical masochistic pit and finished making love to a woman that is nothing short of herself with a different life -- to let go off the past and look toward the future with new eyes....Trixie has grown more in this chapter then she has in the entire story; everything was leading up to this moment.
Were there issues? Well, I suppose anyone really wanting to enjoy the sex might get a bit disappointed because, as before, it's not really a sex-chapter in somewhat the same vein as this isn't all that of a romance story....you told me this was a character-study, and here was basically a mountain of character development cloaked in M-rated goodness. I wasn't really complaining, but again....you have to realize that the sex itself isn't the point; it's essentially healing between two people who really need it....when you understand that and take it for what it is, it's alot more enjoyable.
There is alot to say, but I think I'll end it right there...it was a wonderful chapter, and well worth the wait; I'm really happy for these two in being able to grow like this
“You’re so rational sometimes.” Fluttershy smirked. “You’re as bad as—” She broke off, her expression flickering with an emotion that could have been nothing other than guilt. For a split-second, an uncomfortable silence fell, then she hastily smiled again. “You’re right; my coat could definitely do with a bit of attention.”
Finally, they kissed legitementally!! I really liked this chapter... The part I read anyway. Again, I'm not all that comfortable with sexual content, so I just scrolled down until I found stuff that wasn't cloppy (so it's a good thing italicized words stand out so much, cause there were a ton of those those that weren't cloppy. And why am I typing cloppy so much? I don't think that its a word)
Anyways, it's good that Trixie learned to forgive herself. However, I'm getting a strange feeling that rosemary is gonna show up in ponyville sooner or later
I love this story. I can't figure out for the life of me why my story has more views, since your work is far superior. The ONLY romance I would say is superior to this is Salvation, I like this even better than Romance Reports.
I would say that clop sells, but both this story and my story are clop, and you are a much more well-known author.
I'll be honest, the original inspiration for my fic was a combination of Twilightclopple's Sleepover fics and the introspection of In Her Blood, but I ended up getting a little crazy with the clop. Now, I'm trying to get back into Rarity's head and have her really think about everything.
I don't even like Fluttershy ships very much, but Fluttershy and Trixie makes so much sense. Even in Magic Duel, she talks to those beavers, and I was like "omg she's like Fluttershy! In Your Blood Canon!!!!!". I realize that was after this was published, but that simply attests to your incredible ability of foresight.
Keep doing what you do, it's beautiful.
(Please don't read my story, it's Anthro and hyper-cloppy and you will hate me forever).
Letting out a little sigh of surrender, Fluttershy relaxed, leaning back a little further and letting her wings unfurl with the slow grace of a flower blooming.
The imagery of Shy finally letting her wings unfurl here is very nice.
*Sigh of relief* Thanks guys, really glad you all seem to have enjoyed the chapter!
2143868 There's definitely more to follow! We still need to find out what's up with Twilight and a few of the others...
2144084 I... wow, thank you so much! I'm honestly pretty speechless, because part of the reason I started writing this story was to work on my characterization with a view to character flaws. I wanted to create characters who were 'linked' inherently to their flaws, rather than having a list of good and bad attributes that don't affect one another, or the overall development of the character. I hope that makes sense, but either way, I'm really glad you think the characterization's paid off so well. Thanks again!
2144039 *Squee* Thank you... I'm not going to lie, I was pretty darn nervous about posting this chapter, so... well, thanks!
2144563 Whoa, that's actually quite a coincidence! I've just realized I literally started reading your story yesterday... Definitely enjoying it so far; there ain't nothing wrong with anthro. It's the writing quality that's important, and that's definitely there! I'm going to be away for a few days now, but once I'm back it's definitely on my fics-to-resume list. Really glad you're enjoying the story so much, thanks for the kind words! I'll have to give salvation a read actually, I must admit I've never heard of it, but I'm always looking for good romance fics!
Oh. My. Gosh. That was really beautiful! Nice written and so sensual! The way you've played a trick with Trixie confronting her fears and past mistakes - awesome! I was so afraid she'd run away or just stop making love with Shy, ruining their first time ever... And when she overcame that voice - that was a huge relief, far more important that the other relief for her to follow. I was waiting for them to confess their feelings for so long - and now, when Trixie and Shy finally had nothing to hide - wow, I gonna get some whiskey and tost both them for being brave - and you, for proving one more time, that the love is an ultimate power in the world!
Finally, I'm more or less current! So I can now comment, without it being useless at least...
Anyway, I really really adore your writing, and am highly envious of your ability to harness the senses in the way you do. I have read A Bluebird's Song, and just caught up with this one, and both times, I just... My mind... I had read a couple of romantic novels before, A Bluebird's Song, but only one or two, one was a single chapter and the other was Lost and Found by Cloudy Skies... But your story was the one that made me realize that romance is the most powerful form of story-writing, when done correctly. And I must say, in both of your stories that I have mentioned here, are among the most powerful writings I have ever come across. I had read Bluebird until there was nothing left- then literally sat there afterwards for like ten minutes, just thinking about the story. It was a strong impact, evidently my reaction to this story was very similar, though I pushed through it in order to write this...
In case I didn't get my point across, You my friend, are a powerful writer, and I admire/adore/envy you. Very well done, all of it.
You want to know the only reason I fell asleep last night? It's because my iPad died! I stayed up for six hours after ten of the clock reading this...it was worth it, until I woke up at eleven of the clock.
Fluttershy glanced back over her shoulder, and spotted the unicorn’s gaze hovering over her flank. She smirked, blushing a little at the attention, and flicked the unicorn’s chin with the tip of her tail. “If you’re that into watching butterflies, you should’ve brought a net,” she quipped with a sudden confidence.
Missed a great comeback for Trixie to say:
But I already brought the nectar with which to attract those butterflies!
Okay, here it is; my first attempt at including a 'real' clop scene in a more serious story. I just hope it doesn't feel gratuitous; to clarify, it is here for several reasons. I guess part of my aim with this story was to see if it was possible to create a fic with a narrative partially built around the more sexual side of relationships, along with looking at sexual conventions/politics to some degree, without getting mired into it feeling like a pure clopfic. I guess only time will tell how successful it was in the long run!
In any case, enjoy, and apologies for another crazy-long chapter!
Meh... this chapter was not long.... the latest chapter of Blue Angel was long lol
Ptolomy was a LLOOONNNNGGGGG chapter!!!
I love how you did this chapter. This was not clop, this was erotica that fit perfectly into the story.
VERY well done!
2143332 No need to justify the inclusion of sex scenes when they're so well written and work so well!
2143332 Don't worry about this story getting turned into pure clop. You've done a nice job with the buildup and it feels more romantic...I suppose that's the word I want to use? Sex is just a natural progression of any romantic relationship and some authors just want to write clop to get more views or in some cases just for the hell of it. I have only one question: Do you intend to write more or was this kind of like the finale?
Sees update.
Has this reaction:
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/gVTJs.gif
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8055-Beautiful.gif
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m24j14d9qB1r1crym.gif
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1021_Rainbow_Dash_says_youre_awesome.gif
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20060408064606/uncyclopedia/images/3/3b/Dancing_bear.gif
I will now proceed to read!
2143332 "Without it getting mired into it feeling like a pure clopfic"? Damn, Ardens, you made an exquisite 9000 word chapter out of what would have taken anybody else 2000 to accomplish with no romance included at all. This was 95% brilliant romance with 5% clop, and it made the actual clop scene even more powerful because of it. How on earth you can do that is beyond me; your ability to weave detail like this is astounding. Celestia help me learn to write as well as you do.
Okay, Adrensfax... I love your long chapters. I love how you lead up to and wrote through the clop scene. I love how gentle and careful Trixie was with Fluttershy and how she was able to use that (in part) to kick little miss Great and Powerful out of her head. And, as ever, I love the way you write Fluttershy in this. She's so sweet and loving and sheltered and awkward and ... broken that my heart reaches out to her with every word and action. Trixie, also, with her insecurities and feelings of worthlessness and dark parts of her mind, fascinates me. She reminds me a lot of how I used to be, examining every motive for malicious intent and generally working hard for everyone's forgiveness and everyone's acceptance but her own. You've painted her as a hauntingly lonely and beautifully trusting mare in search of salvation, and I can't get enough of it.
The thing that I love about you as a writer, when it comes right down to it, is the bold and unique way you choose to embrace and expand on character flaws rather than to simply look at them as something to be worked through for development. Your ponies are undeniably and indelibly broken, and it's through that brokenness that you achieve their beauty and triumph.
Like in this chapter, switching between Trixie's actions upon Fluttershy and her internal monologue.... that was some powerful stuff. While she's fighting with the personification of all she hates about herself, the dark corner of her mind full of smoke and mirrors that's using a previous error in judgement to tear Trixie down, she's too busy trying in the here and now to make her new love feel beautiful and wanted. And it was amazingly well-done. I found myself on the edge of my seat (quite literally; if not for the kitchen table I would have landed on the floor at least twice), scrolling madly downward to see where the two opposing influences on Trixie's current state of mind would lead. And it payed off like I never expected, with Trixie using this act of love to exorcise herself of the inner demon.
Another thing I loved about this chapter, while I have the time to gush, is how loving and caring this act of sexual intimacy came across. WHen I finished the saucy bit, I wasn't thinking "here I am on a school night, reading about pony sex", I just found myself smiling and feeling very happy for these two fictional characters and the mature and respectful way they went about ... knowing each other. There was an odd symbolism and meaning (at least I thought there was) in how they truly came together as a couple in the woods. Nature, especially that hill and the Everfree, are almost characters in their own right here. Which is awesome.
So, Adrensfax, don't apologize for the long chapters. They have a nice substance and weight to them that always comes across as a pleasant surprise as I read them. Sure, you may use a lot of words, but they're the right words to use. I have so much respect for you, both as a writer and as solid proof that sometimes it pays off to keep the mature filter off. Thank you for your work.
This was such a beautiful chapter. Very Sensual. And it looks like Trixie finally conquered her inner demon. Now they just need to tell everypony that they are official.
Cant wait to see what twilight gonna do
Very nice job.
I can genuinely say it did not feel gratuitous at all.
Firstly, let me say that I didn't expect it....after the events of the previous chapter, I expected the whole of this to be basically the opening - Fluttershy reeling with guilt and Trixie trying to reassure her...in a sense, perhaps something like this was inevitable given the precarious situation these two are in and the feelings they mutually share.
But as before, this did not feel like it happened "for the sake of it"....the whole thing was too long, too serious, too....everything -- that's not to say I didn't enjoy it, erm, sexually....but you mentioned that you wanted to look further into the politics something like this, and that's honestly what this whole chapter felt to me -- very very political...the focus didn't even seem to be on the sex, so much as it did as everything happening around it...it was just a driving force.
Was that a bad thing? Absolutely not...as you said, it was there for a reason, and it's not like you haven't explored this very dark sexual method of delving into Trixie before, with her kissing the G&PT....if anything, this only feels like it confirms how I felt before in how this is much darker then "Bluebirds Song"....
But you know, maybe it really really wasn't dark -- on the flipside, you could see this as being a very very tender moment, and it was: the moment everything finally comes out and Fluttershy finally gets the healing and protection she has deserved for so long...that Trixie has wanted to give her; in that, I care even less that the chapter is so long, because she's had it coming for a long time now...more then that, Trixie needed this as well -- it's not so much sex, but a genuine moment of making love between two adult mares who have never really known eachother at all, and yet are two halves of the same person....making up for lost time, huh?
More then that, Trixie scored an unbelievable victory for herself: the realization of learning to forgive and forget is a monumental one; arguably the biggest thus far...because she can ask forgiveness for others around her, and they can give it...but she'll never really move forward in life if she doesn't forgive herself for her own failings -- every single moment in life, the good and the bad, makes us who we are at this very very moment in time....their is simply no reason not to be proud of that, and while Trixie indeed may have alot to make up for, the fact remains, that she always had the ability to make things better for herself and after a year of living in trees like a wild animal....she has now finally climbed out of that cyclical masochistic pit and finished making love to a woman that is nothing short of herself with a different life -- to let go off the past and look toward the future with new eyes....Trixie has grown more in this chapter then she has in the entire story; everything was leading up to this moment.
Were there issues? Well, I suppose anyone really wanting to enjoy the sex might get a bit disappointed because, as before, it's not really a sex-chapter in somewhat the same vein as this isn't all that of a romance story....you told me this was a character-study, and here was basically a mountain of character development cloaked in M-rated goodness. I wasn't really complaining, but again....you have to realize that the sex itself isn't the point; it's essentially healing between two people who really need it....when you understand that and take it for what it is, it's alot more enjoyable.
There is alot to say, but I think I'll end it right there...it was a wonderful chapter, and well worth the wait; I'm really happy for these two in being able to grow like this
Finally, they kissed legitementally!! I really liked this chapter... The part I read anyway. Again, I'm not all that comfortable with sexual content, so I just scrolled down until I found stuff that wasn't cloppy (so it's a good thing italicized words stand out so much, cause there were a ton of those those that weren't cloppy. And why am I typing cloppy so much? I don't think that its a word)
Anyways, it's good that Trixie learned to forgive herself. However, I'm getting a strange
feeling that rosemary is gonna show up in ponyville sooner or later
I love this story. I can't figure out for the life of me why my story has more views, since your work is far superior. The ONLY romance I would say is superior to this is Salvation, I like this even better than Romance Reports.
I would say that clop sells, but both this story and my story are clop, and you are a much more well-known author.
I'll be honest, the original inspiration for my fic was a combination of Twilightclopple's Sleepover fics and the introspection of In Her Blood, but I ended up getting a little crazy with the clop. Now, I'm trying to get back into Rarity's head and have her really think about everything.
I don't even like Fluttershy ships very much, but Fluttershy and Trixie makes so much sense. Even in Magic Duel, she talks to those beavers, and I was like "omg she's like Fluttershy! In Your Blood Canon!!!!!". I realize that was after this was published, but that simply attests to your incredible ability of foresight.
Keep doing what you do, it's beautiful.
(Please don't read my story, it's Anthro and hyper-cloppy and you will hate me forever).
The imagery of Shy finally letting her wings unfurl here is very nice.
2143332 I daresay you succeeded.
Saying little in this case is saying enough. Too good for words good sir.
You done good Arden. You done good.
*Sigh of relief* Thanks guys, really glad you all seem to have enjoyed the chapter!
2143868 There's definitely more to follow! We still need to find out what's up with Twilight and a few of the others...
2144084 I... wow, thank you so much! I'm honestly pretty speechless, because part of the reason I started writing this story was to work on my characterization with a view to character flaws. I wanted to create characters who were 'linked' inherently to their flaws, rather than having a list of good and bad attributes that don't affect one another, or the overall development of the character. I hope that makes sense, but either way, I'm really glad you think the characterization's paid off so well. Thanks again!
2144039 *Squee* Thank you... I'm not going to lie, I was pretty darn nervous about posting this chapter, so... well, thanks!
2144563 Whoa, that's actually quite a coincidence! I've just realized I literally started reading your story yesterday... Definitely enjoying it so far; there ain't nothing wrong with anthro. It's the writing quality that's important, and that's definitely there! I'm going to be away for a few days now, but once I'm back it's definitely on my fics-to-resume list. Really glad you're enjoying the story so much, thanks for the kind words! I'll have to give salvation a read actually, I must admit I've never heard of it, but I'm always looking for good romance fics!
fluttershy wings
2057468
First off, I agree.
Second off, Friend of Bronies, are there any stories I've fallen in love with that you haven't as well?
2145895
And yes, yes we did enjoy the chapter. Why, because you are the most supercalafragalisticexpealadocious writer ever!
2145895 You'd love Salvation. Definitely seconding the recommendation here.
I believe that these four songs are a more than adequate depiction of what Trixie's life was once like in this fic.
And this song, in my opinion, describes how she and Fluttershy feel about each other.
Last chapter made me have a feelsplosion, but this chapter made me have a feelgasm! Here, have some badges!
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/345/f/a/the_great_and_powerful_trixie_approved_by_ambris-d4ivli5.png
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/345/0/9/fluttershy_approved_by_ambris-d4ivleb.png
Also:
static1.fjcdn.com/comments/Love+_485ff6041d9c87b92e9a76b7358b01b5.jpg
2146194 We meet again. I left a comment on your user page, but for some reason, you haven't answered it yet.
Oh. My. Gosh.
That was really beautiful! Nice written and so sensual! The way you've played a trick with Trixie confronting her fears and past mistakes - awesome! I was so afraid she'd run away or just stop making love with Shy, ruining their first time ever... And when she overcame that voice - that was a huge relief, far more important that the other relief for her to follow.
I was waiting for them to confess their feelings for so long - and now, when Trixie and Shy finally had nothing to hide - wow, I gonna get some whiskey and tost both them for being brave - and you, for proving one more time, that the love is an ultimate power in the world!
"... Only love will turn you around..."
I'd like to congratulate the author! You updated just in time for me to call off the hit squ- I mean, send a nasty flame mail. Yes, nasty! Grrr!
I'm greatly anticipating the next chapter, since the next issue seems to be dealing with Twilight.
Finally, I'm more or less current! So I can now comment, without it being useless at least...
Anyway, I really really adore your writing, and am highly envious of your ability to harness the senses in the way you do. I have read A Bluebird's Song, and just caught up with this one, and both times, I just... My mind... I had read a couple of romantic novels before, A Bluebird's Song, but only one or two, one was a single chapter and the other was Lost and Found by Cloudy Skies... But your story was the one that made me realize that romance is the most powerful form of story-writing, when done correctly. And I must say, in both of your stories that I have mentioned here, are among the most powerful writings I have ever come across. I had read Bluebird until there was nothing left- then literally sat there afterwards for like ten minutes, just thinking about the story. It was a strong impact, evidently my reaction to this story was very similar, though I pushed through it in order to write this...
In case I didn't get my point across, You my friend, are a powerful writer, and I admire/adore/envy you. Very well done, all of it.
... I'll be in my bunk.
You want to know the only reason I fell asleep last night? It's because my iPad died! I stayed up for six hours after ten of the clock reading this...it was worth it, until I woke up at eleven of the clock.
And here come the tears.
Missed a great comeback for Trixie to say: