Abyssi amentiae
Joined 24th Jun, 2022 ·
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That's my first job on this site. I hope that there were those who liked the first part of this story about the Nightmarish Moon and Man. I think my story will be original. But it's up to you- the readers.
It's a very interesting tale, but I can see where the translations have failed. This makes it quite awkward to read at times, though I think I understand where you're going with this:
Basically, The Human ( you should probably use that article ) is a being that she finds untouchable due to his use of satire and wit, plus her ambiguous feelings towards him. Though you haven't used the Romance tag, I can see that being implied in her revealed thoughts towards him.
There are lots of technical issues with your writing as well, and for that, you simply need to practice more. This Guide is an excellent resource for writers both brand-new and experienced, so I highly recommend making use of it.
For all its flaws this is an impressive first effort, and I encourage you to continue writing!
W_S
11420096
My knowledge of English is quite far from the norm - I am more familiar with German-Slavic (except for the Balkan branches) language group. I know that English partly came from German, but over the centuries, English has turned into a hodgepodge, becoming a hodgepodge of everything that could be mixed. Therefore, I have problems understanding the transfer of semantic load using this language.
About the inviolability of Human. Initially, according to the idea, there should have been more text explaining the moment, but for some reason, I will have to postpone them for the next 2 parts. So I won't spoiler, probably. The man was the only one who, no matter what, supported the rule of the Nightmare Moon and she saw it.
If anyone is wondering where I got the idea to write this mini-story, then I hasten to please (or disappoint) someone - this work is written on the basis of my own verse about Human and the Nightmare Moon.
Here is the original text, if interested:
Title of the verse:
Ночная Властительница.
Text:
И вот я смог увидеть твой восход.
Ты так сильна и столько же опасна…
Стала, когда ты лично уронила Солнце,
Что принадлежало твоей сестре.
И вижу я, как стала ты прекрасней…
Твой грозный, тёмный, хищный вид,
Что ввергает всех во страх и ужас тех…
Кто слаб духом и видел только свет.
И ты - Властительница Ночи с Луной,
Решила покарать меня - как чужого…
Мира вашего убого почти во всём,
Вспоминая Землю я свою родную.
Злишься - я не подаю ниц перед тобой.
Ты знаешь - я ненавижу и презираю,
Всех вас, ваш образ жизни, уклад её.
Ты понимаешь - склонить меня нельзя.
И вот стою я пред тобой в который раз…
И снова решиться ты не сможешь на…
Ведь я единственный, кто со всею всем,
Ненавидит и презирает тебя любя…
If someone really wants to, I can try to translate into English, but I think there will be too much loss of meaning of words.
Que interesante
Dude, seriously!?
Doesn't he have a name?
I mean, "Human" this, "Mr. Human" that ain't his real name.
Despite Anon/Anonymous being over cliche. At least it's a original human "name".
11421691
I admit, I overlooked the moment with "Mister". And so, I make GG-human inaccurate on physical information, as well as on name. Physical data and name are not important in this story. If you like, take any name you see fit.
an interesting idea you got there
I found that was nice and interesting. It kinda makes me wonder about nightmare Moon's traits here and view of ponies
11421704
Perhaps this is because I am writing this work based on the plot of my own verse, which was written by me more than 2 months ago.
I left the verse itself in the comments under chapter 1.
11421707
The Nightmare Moon is not omnipotent and not perfect. And the Human is not obliged to love everything that is in the world in which he got. But this does not prevent him from enjoying certain parts of this world and helping them sometimes.
11421710
i see, yet a intersting one
11421714
of course. how should I say, what decides the punishments for her and who shall get it?
Had a silly thought that popped in