This chapter was... not quite up to par with the rest, if you can forgive me for saying so. The dialogue seemed very... off, to be honest. I don't know how to best describe it, but it kinda felt like they were amateur actors reading from a script. :S
"I will just make some extra chitin and leave cavities to hold the water," Alvis said as he walked over to the water's edge.
I noticed that like... a few times. Work in progress name? ;)
Scarab suddenly stopped and looked at me, "I will also need to show you how to shapeshift, you're a war Queen so your mimic field will be basically non-existent, I'm an Attendant so mine should be ok for this, but we will still have to make up some Zebsonas for ourselves."
Uh... right. Because, for some reason, the attendant who basically cares for the needs of their queen and shouldn't by any rights ever leave the hive somehow has a better 'mimic field'? I mean, the idea is really great, but come on... What can't attendants do?
but we will still have to make up some Zebsonas for ourselves."
You know, there was one thing that kept bugging me about this and it's that 'Zebsona' thing. I don't know about you, but for the life of me, I cannot believe Scarab would ever come up with a word like that. I understand, internet culture has influenced everyone of us quite thoroughly, I would understand if he got it from our dear (still nameless, btw) Queen, but not from him. Usually people would say things like 'character/personality/whatever' or 'appearance', but a *sona what have you is more of a thing you see with fandoms and stuff. Certainly not 'pre whatever thousand years Equestria'.
11116623 Yeah I agree to be honest, I kind of rushed it because I felt bad for being late with the release, I know that's silly but it is what it is.
I will probably go over this one again but it will mean a delay to the next chapter, I think it was probably a mistake to try and release the chapters on a specific day of the week so I will go with a "done when it's done" idea from now on, it will be better for the story in the long run.
Also dang I thought I cought all of the name changes opps lol
11116749 Yeah it wasn't my best idea, mostly it was just for the fun of it, since it's just a mix of Zebra and persona but to be fair you're right that the style of the word has been rather overtaken by internet culture.
11116754 These Changelings are six limed (maybe 8 if their wings count) they have the four hoofed legs of a pony but they also have a set of arms at the front, sort of like a praying mantis just with a horse shaped body and a clawed hand instead of grabing blade things (for now ) they look kind of like the claws of a bird in shape but have chitin plates instead of the scales birds have.
I will probably go over this one again but it will mean a delay to the next chapter, I think it was probably a mistake to try and release the chapters on a specific day of the week so I will go with a "done when it's done" idea from now on, it will be better for the story in the long run.
Trust me, some of us are used to waiting until a chapter comes out. As long as you don't disappear on us without a word, take as long as you need.
11116953 That's fair, I will take it slow and just go for quality. Also don't worry, I have no intention of disappearing out of nowhere, I've been around long enough to have that happened to me and I know how annoying it is.
11116941 Yeah, I try my best not to put in anything like that if it won't be relevant later at some point, can't guaranty I won't accidentally do it but I'm definitely on the look out to try and prevent it.
Interesting, titanic terraforming bioships. Equis was someone's pet project, and it sounds like some mechanisms are still working. I wonder how long and how many discoveries it'll take for our queen to realize that's a possibility.
11117320 Yeah, I had made one with just some place names on it for the first few chapters and someone asked if I was going to add the story went on? And I thought it was a cool idea, so I will add any travelling and any new locations the MC visits to the map as we go along.
An MC who can understand that they can fluidly change their body as they wish, is open to the levels of physical shenanigans of the Prototype games.
We're talking body horror levels of defensive and offensive abilities, someone behind you and has you in a chokehold? Turn the parts where they're holding into mouths of razor sharp teeth, have your back explode in diamond hard spines. If they can do that, then they're untouchable from most things unless magic comes into play.
11120350 Something like that, I plan to touch on the rage mode thing again a bit later.
Yes, their are several types of Queen and each has their own specialty with advantages and disadvantages, we have seen a War Queen and heard mention of Infiltrater Queens but there are more then just those two.
Also just to clarify, all the Changelings have the extra arms, the thing that made her obviously a war Queen is her size, build and thickness of chitin.
11120368 One or two of them may have to be cannibalized but the main reason Coreid was going to starve so fast is his body was burning love to try and fix him.
11120382 You have the right kind idea there and our MC has basically the same one. Although, it could also be used for interesting or fun non-combat shenanigans too, as an example (very minor Spoiler about MCs human life, you have been worned) our MC used to play a couple of instruments as a kid/teen.
Hello. I'm from Russia, I accidentally found your fan fiction. I liked your fanfiction, especially you describe your world in detail and how it works.I will wait for the continuation.
11129903 Cool, as long as it's just you and some friends and no money is involved then feel free to.
This map is only a small section, somewhere between a quarter and a third of a bigger map that is the entire planet, it's not done yet but it will be involved in future stories.
11130505 I'm sorry but I don't speak Russian so that's not really possible, putting it though a translator would probably just mess up the wording too so I can't just do that either.
I wonder what my family is doing right now, it's been more than a week at this point, they will have got the news that I'm missing and even if I could talk to them they wouldn't even recognize me, I let out a sad sigh and curled my large body around Scarabs smaller form, swiftly drifting off to sleep.
and base their gender off their position in the Hive, for the most part anyway.
Sounds kinda sexist. Then again, real life is sexist as fuck. Whelps, I gotta give you credit where its due for the whole I am who I am thing genderwise with Scarab. Never really thought about what gender a herm would be, since you know, both sexes one body. Wonder how and why they even got the whole gender thing when they are basically neither entirely female or male. Or would it be fully female and male? Damn, this shit is confusing.
11152673 For the most part, the Hives tend to be rather authoritarian and stuck in their ways of doing things (to some extent anyway) so the roles based on sex is a holdover from their insect instincts.
I'm kind of doing a mix of irl insect hive sex-based roles (ie most are female with a smaller amount being males that are mostly just for breeding) and the more Zebra/pony-like idea of your sex doesn't mean as much for your role in a group. So Workers are the most numerous and tend to be female, and the Drones (currently Attendants and Athenaeum but may change that) are fewer and tend to be male but then you have the Soldiers that just take the biggest or most aggressive Lings regardless of sex.
There are a couple of other types that I haven't fully decided upon yet, like Infaltraters (probably going to be a mix or some kind of third middle ground gender since they spend most of their time as other beings of either sex rather than as themselves) and some other not yet mentioned Changeling types that at first were going to be drones but I'm thinking of changing that up.
11152930 I don't want to imagine the notes you must have written down... I only do that for minor stuff like remembering names and stuff. The story I'm currently working on, I've gone a bit further than that but nowhere near what you're doing. o.O
11152944 It's actually far less then I would like to be honest lol, one of the big ones is I actually need to write down the info on the other Hives and Queens I know for sure are going to be important and how some important stuff about our Queen is going to work.
I have a bad habit of deciding on cool stuff that will happen way later in the story without fully knowing how I will necessarily get there, not all stuff of course but some parts.
As an example, I know how this story ends, how the next one starts and ends, and the same for the one after that, and I have ideas for 2 to 4 smaller scale ones as well and that is before I get to the cannon time period... I have a problem lol
Also if I ever get that far maybe G5 stuff too... Help
I have a bad habit of deciding on cool stuff that will happen way later in the story without fully knowing how I will necessarily get there, not all stuff of course but sone parts.
Ugh, I can empathize with that. I've got so much stuff I want to do but it's all waaaaay into the story. I even wrote out some scenes I think I might add in, even though I'm pretty sure I'm going to scrap them by the time I get to them because they are simply not valid anymore with the stuff I already wrote. I'm way too overwhelmed with keeping track of everything... xD
11152313 Ok. I was about to suggest naming your queen, Queen Crimson, queen of the Ruby Hive, and queen of bloodshed and bloodlust.
If your queen has changelings of her own, might I recommend calling them Bloodnats? I know it sounds stupid, but the idea came to me when I remembered “Flapjack” from Cartoon Network had an episode that he brought Bloodnats into Stormalong.
11153116 The Ruby Hive is one of the names I'm considering, sadly the others wouldn't really fit the main Queens personality but they might fit one of the others so I will keep them in mind for potential use if a Hive with that theme comes up
This chapter was... not quite up to par with the rest, if you can forgive me for saying so. The dialogue seemed very... off, to be honest. I don't know how to best describe it, but it kinda felt like they were amateur actors reading from a script. :S
I noticed that like... a few times. Work in progress name? ;)
Uh... right. Because, for some reason, the attendant who basically cares for the needs of their queen and shouldn't by any rights ever leave the hive somehow has a better 'mimic field'? I mean, the idea is really great, but come on... What can't attendants do?
Am I see this right a new chapter but the date says 12 but it the 11 ?
11116673
Time zones exist.
Well, that's unexpected.
Nice
You know, there was one thing that kept bugging me about this and it's that 'Zebsona' thing. I don't know about you, but for the life of me, I cannot believe Scarab would ever come up with a word like that. I understand, internet culture has influenced everyone of us quite thoroughly, I would understand if he got it from our dear (still nameless, btw) Queen, but not from him. Usually people would say things like 'character/personality/whatever' or 'appearance', but a *sona what have you is more of a thing you see with fandoms and stuff. Certainly not 'pre whatever thousand years Equestria'.
What hand?
It's good man, you upload when ya can, I'll be waiting to devour each chapter as it comes
11116754
The hands they have on the end of the arms coming from their front.
Gun on the wall: What's the story behind the ruins our MC woke up in?
Good chapter
Me gusto mucho el nuevo capítulo espero con ansias el siguiente capítulo 😁👍
11116623
Yeah I agree to be honest, I kind of rushed it because I felt bad for being late with the release, I know that's silly but it is what it is.
I will probably go over this one again but it will mean a delay to the next chapter, I think it was probably a mistake to try and release the chapters on a specific day of the week so I will go with a "done when it's done" idea from now on, it will be better for the story in the long run.
Also dang I thought I cought all of the name changes opps lol
11116749
Yeah it wasn't my best idea, mostly it was just for the fun of it, since it's just a mix of Zebra and persona but to be fair you're right that the style of the word has been rather overtaken by internet culture.
11116849
I have plans
11116754
These Changelings are six limed (maybe 8 if their wings count) they have the four hoofed legs of a pony but they also have a set of arms at the front, sort of like a praying mantis just with a horse shaped body and a clawed hand instead of grabing blade things (for now ) they look kind of like the claws of a bird in shape but have chitin plates instead of the scales birds have.
Think this but chitenus cdn.webshopapp.com/shops/245883/files/185089121/dtr-bird-claw.jpg
11116904
I'm just relieved that you picked up on what I meant.
A few too many people on this site write stories withoit knowing to implement the rule of Chekhov's Gun.
11116903
Trust me, some of us are used to waiting until a chapter comes out. As long as you don't disappear on us without a word, take as long as you need.
The only creature I can think of that would resemble the creature of the Old Bones would be the Shah Dalamadur from Monster Hunter
11116967
Hmm that's a bit too snake like, think more lke this image but with back facing horns and the size of a small to medium sized mountain.
media.discordapp.net/attachments/652654407661518866/930858433857601616/skeleton-dragon-fantasy-art-tundra-wallpaper-preview.jpg
11116953
That's fair, I will take it slow and just go for quality. Also don't worry, I have no intention of disappearing out of nowhere, I've been around long enough to have that happened to me and I know how annoying it is.
11116941
Yeah, I try my best not to put in anything like that if it won't be relevant later at some point, can't guaranty I won't accidentally do it but I'm definitely on the look out to try and prevent it.
Interesting, titanic terraforming bioships. Equis was someone's pet project, and it sounds like some mechanisms are still working. I wonder how long and how many discoveries it'll take for our queen to realize that's a possibility.
11116674
O sorry I thought it was an error thanks for explaining :-)
Just noticed that you’ve put there route in the map as they go.
11117320
Yeah, I had made one with just some place names on it for the first few chapters and someone asked if I was going to add the story went on? And I thought it was a cool idea, so I will add any travelling and any new locations the MC visits to the map as we go along.
11117020
My inner nerd demands to know more about this monster.
What is it exactly? Where did it come from? How could something so big exist without being crushed under its own weight?
11118040
Oh yeah, you are correct, thanks for catching that
An MC who can understand that they can fluidly change their body as they wish, is open to the levels of physical shenanigans of the Prototype games.
We're talking body horror levels of defensive and offensive abilities, someone behind you and has you in a chokehold? Turn the parts where they're holding into mouths of razor sharp teeth, have your back explode in diamond hard spines. If they can do that, then they're untouchable from most things unless magic comes into play.
11120350
Something like that, I plan to touch on the rage mode thing again a bit later.
Yes, their are several types of Queen and each has their own specialty with advantages and disadvantages, we have seen a War Queen and heard mention of Infiltrater Queens but there are more then just those two.
Also just to clarify, all the Changelings have the extra arms, the thing that made her obviously a war Queen is her size, build and thickness of chitin.
11120368
One or two of them may have to be cannibalized but the main reason Coreid was going to starve so fast is his body was burning love to try and fix him.
11120382
You have the right kind idea there and our MC has basically the same one. Although, it could also be used for interesting or fun non-combat shenanigans too, as an example (very minor Spoiler about MCs human life, you have been worned) our MC used to play a couple of instruments as a kid/teen.
Hello. I'm from Russia, I accidentally found your fan fiction. I liked your fanfiction, especially you describe your world in detail and how it works.I will wait for the continuation.
11129829
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy it The next chapter is on the way, it's just taking a bit longer because of some IRL stuff
11129889
I'm thinking of putting together a party of Dungeons & Dragons across your world.
11129903
Cool, as long as it's just you and some friends and no money is involved then feel free to.
This map is only a small section, somewhere between a quarter and a third of a bigger map that is the entire planet, it's not done yet but it will be involved in future stories.
11129966
Author, I wanted to ask you if it is possible to translate your fan fiction into Russian?
11130505
I'm sorry but I don't speak Russian so that's not really possible, putting it though a translator would probably just mess up the wording too so I can't just do that either.
11130657
I wanted to ask "Can I translate into Russian"?.
Чертовый языковой барьер
11130664
Oh right, yes you can do that as long as you credit me and have a link back to here so anyone that wants to can see the English version too.
Also please send me a link to it if you do end up doing it
scarab getting spooned: "what in the fuck"
11140958
Scarab as he's getting spooned: "Noling has ever hugged me before (sniffs as a single tear rolls down cheek)"
11152479
Sounds kinda sexist. Then again, real life is sexist as fuck. Whelps, I gotta give you credit where its due for the whole I am who I am thing genderwise with Scarab. Never really thought about what gender a herm would be, since you know, both sexes one body. Wonder how and why they even got the whole gender thing when they are basically neither entirely female or male. Or would it be fully female and male? Damn, this shit is confusing.
11152673
And now add in pronouns.
11152780
*Gasp*
11152673
For the most part, the Hives tend to be rather authoritarian and stuck in their ways of doing things (to some extent anyway) so the roles based on sex is a holdover from their insect instincts.
I'm kind of doing a mix of irl insect hive sex-based roles (ie most are female with a smaller amount being males that are mostly just for breeding) and the more Zebra/pony-like idea of your sex doesn't mean as much for your role in a group. So Workers are the most numerous and tend to be female, and the Drones (currently Attendants and Athenaeum but may change that) are fewer and tend to be male but then you have the Soldiers that just take the biggest or most aggressive Lings regardless of sex.
There are a couple of other types that I haven't fully decided upon yet, like Infaltraters (probably going to be a mix or some kind of third middle ground gender since they spend most of their time as other beings of either sex rather than as themselves) and some other not yet mentioned Changeling types that at first were going to be drones but I'm thinking of changing that up.
11152930
I don't want to imagine the notes you must have written down... I only do that for minor stuff like remembering names and stuff. The story I'm currently working on, I've gone a bit further than that but nowhere near what you're doing. o.O
11152944
It's actually far less then I would like to be honest lol, one of the big ones is I actually need to write down the info on the other Hives and Queens I know for sure are going to be important and how some important stuff about our Queen is going to work.
I have a bad habit of deciding on cool stuff that will happen way later in the story without fully knowing how I will necessarily get there, not all stuff of course but some parts.
As an example, I know how this story ends, how the next one starts and ends, and the same for the one after that, and I have ideas for 2 to 4 smaller scale ones as well and that is before I get to the cannon time period... I have a problem lol
Also if I ever get that far maybe G5 stuff too... Help
11152976
Ugh, I can empathize with that. I've got so much stuff I want to do but it's all waaaaay into the story. I even wrote out some scenes I think I might add in, even though I'm pretty sure I'm going to scrap them by the time I get to them because they are simply not valid anymore with the stuff I already wrote. I'm way too overwhelmed with keeping track of everything... xD
11152992
I've literally got no idea how people working on multiple stories do it. It's insane.
11152313
Ok. I was about to suggest naming your queen, Queen Crimson, queen of the Ruby Hive, and queen of bloodshed and bloodlust.
If your queen has changelings of her own, might I recommend calling them Bloodnats? I know it sounds stupid, but the idea came to me when I remembered “Flapjack” from Cartoon Network had an episode that he brought Bloodnats into Stormalong.
11153116
The Ruby Hive is one of the names I'm considering, sadly the others wouldn't really fit the main Queens personality but they might fit one of the others so I will keep them in mind for potential use if a Hive with that theme comes up
11153197
Eh, I would go with insect inspired names. Colors is a more pony thing.