"There are again some bits that I think could be done better, I'm just not yet sure how I would go about doing it, there is a good chance that I will come back and edit/redo these early chapters when I have more experience."
I would advise against this. The urge to rewrite is strong, but it is better to channel that energy into new chapters, and then maybe once the story is complete you can go back through it with a fine-toothed comb.
As for why you should avoid this, well it's simple. Imagine your making a house of cards, and you want to switch out a card in the middle of the house. Yeah it wouldn't work very well. Some detail may exist in one version but not the other, or a character's personality may shift because you missed a spot. It's best to take the lessons you learned, and use them to write new and better stuff.
Plus if you rewrite something too many times you will get burnt out on the story before even getting very far, trust me.
11088319 This is true and also good advice, I will make notes on things I realise could have been better and do a full re-edit on the bits that need it after the story is complete.
11088460 Thank you very much I'm glad it came across the way I intended it, I was a little concerned I might have made them, well not get over it, but be less freaked out rather quickly, so yeah, very glad it looks right from other prospective.
Oh god, what if she’s a criminal?! What if I just helped the bug horse version of Jack the ripper and murdered the bug horse police!
Okay... that's just hilarious. That's obviously the first thought I would have if I saw someone viciously mutilate a restrained person.
“All Changelings have both, we are biologically hermaphrodites, your Majesty, how can you not know this?” They asked and then once again look at the floor.
That's something I need a bit more... clarification... for. Do you actually mean hermaphrodite as in able to reproduce with both parts? There's a difference there, I assure you.
“I mean, you look like you’re in your second moult, so you must be at least 6 years old and even if you don’t have a Hive now, you must have been hatched in one, a Queen egg just wouldn’t have enough Love to survive and hatch unless it was being looked after,” the Changeling said, now looking up at my lower face again.
Okay, that's a thing I haven't got a clue if that's how other insects aside from bees make queens. I'd hate to generalize, but from what I know, a larva is reared specifically for the purpose of turning them into a queen by exclusively feeding them royal jelly. *shrug*
"I don’t want to starve to death and there’s no way for me to get love fast enough to save me, so I would prefer to die quickly than have to slowly waste away… Please, your Majesty,” they said, bowing their head.
Time to assimilate you into the hive...
So ch3 is done, and once again, it is longer than it was originally going to be, I see a trend starting lol.
That's how it started for me. Chapters got longer and longer and longer... until I regularly wrote 20k chapters... and 30k chapters here and there... and a 50k chapter...
That's something I need a bit more... clarification... for. Do you actually mean hermaphrodite as in able to reproduce with both parts? There's a difference there, I assure you.
Okay, that's a thing I haven't got a clue if that's how other insects aside from bees make queens. I'd hate to generalize, but from what I know, a larva is reared specifically for the purpose of turning them into a queen by exclusively feeding them royal jelly. *shrug*
These will be talked about more in the future for sure, the mc will definitely be asking questions about it but right then just wasn't the time for them to ask a question that would need a longer explanation.
Okay... that's just hilarious. That's obviously the first thought I would have if I saw someone viciously mutilate a restrained person.
I was trying to show that the mc wasn't thinking quite clearly lol, in a normal situation I don't think they would have thought that but having just had some really stressful stuff happen to/around them they were just jumping to a possible explanation, no matter how unlikely that might have been.
11088712 It's on the same planet and in the Zebra homelands, the story is also based several thousand years before the show and at least one thousand years before the kingdom of Equestria is formed.
Have no fear, I will try to keep doing about one chapter a week for the most part. Over Christmas, I will be having some friends staying with me though, so I may only have time for a shorter chapter this coming week and then get back to it after they have left.
These will be talked about more in the future for sure, the mc will definitely be asking questions about it but right then just wasn't the time for them to ask a question that would need a longer explanation.
Well, duh. Obviously. Those were just my curiosities, though. I suppose I'll have to wait if you're not forthcoming with answers that should by no means be major spoilers. As I said, a simple clarification of what you meant would have been enough for me.
11088877 Oh right, if it's just for clarification then that's fine. Yes, both sets work, but for the most part, only Queens lay eggs unless lower castes are ordered to by the Queen. Also, the changeling's idea of gender is based on their position in the Hive rather than what they have between their legs,
The Egg thing is a little more complicated but the way I'm doing it is that most Changelings start off the same and only get their caste after the first moult, but most Queens come from special eggs, there may or may not be ways for non-Queens to be elevated to that caste.
11089080 Most of them were free off the web, but I think the mountains and the sand dunes might be from paid asset packs, I use it for D&D so I collect map assets lol.
Wow. I literally can't get enough of this. Congratulations dear author, you have supplied me with a new literary addiction. I eagerly await the next chapter.
There should be one more chapter before Christmas but there will be a small break for a week or so because I'll have people staying for the holidays and I'll not have time to write while I host, after that though it will be back to the normal weekly chapter.
Once you get over the fact that it was previously sapient and, well, raw, it's not that bad! Darn, looks like removing access also clears cache. Darn security weasels! Oh well, something is better than nothing! He did say she used body-based magic, there's hope yet!
Interesting, so there are types of queens, the odd pair of arms signify the MC is a "War Queen" and I'm guessing that seeing red moment was like a berserker armament type of physical enhancement. Boosting stats and increasing defense
The Changeling looked down at herself and said “you mean my vagina, your Majesty? What does that have to do with me being a Miss? Every Changeling has one, just like every Changeling has a penis,” the Changeling said with a confused look on their face.
11152476 Yeah, he's got all them parts, I figure that since they can change into either that they should have the parts to start off with and base their gender off their position in the Hive, for the most part anyway. Workers are mostly female, Soldiers are a mix, Drones are mostly male and the Queen is always a female. The charter at the time was a Worker but had been a Drone before so they still thought of themselves as male since it had only been a short time since the change to Worker.
I put the unconscious bug horse back on the ground and sat back, wondering what I was meant to do now, I noticed I was clenching and unclenching my hand caws subconsciously and suddenly realised something was missing. Where did my nice rock go?
"My post precious possession! Also my pillow."
I then stopped as I noticed my voice was not my voice, not only was it definitely a women’s voice it also sounded like two or maybe three people were all talking from my mouth. Ok, one more thing to freak out about… Wait, am I a woman now? … Ok deal with bug horse first, then see if I still have my junk later, I thought as the small bug horse started to look around bleary-eyed.
He never spoke nor checked himself(?) up until this point?
“But, why? I’m not from your Hive, your Majesty, I’m from th-… I’m a Hiveless worker and I’m in your territory, why haven’t you drained me to a husk or just eaten me?” She asked, still looking at the floor in front of me.
"Do you want to join my hive instead?" "Of course! ... Where is it?" "...You are looking at it. It's still a work-in-progress."
The little Ling looked up at me with wide eyes, “you- you would give some of your own Love reserves to a Worker? No Queen I’ve ever heard of has given a Worker some of her own Love before.”
"And how many Queens did you hear of?" "Fair enough."
“Interesting, I've not heard of them before, anyway, yes, I do have knowledge of the Hives history, as well as other knowledge that the Hive has gathered over my lifetime, for example, the population of the Ochre Hive is…” the trailed off, not finishing the sentence.
And the queen let someone with all this knowledge just running around in the open? Doesn't sound very far-sighted from her. Not that I'm surprised... Edit: Nevermind, it's explained a few sentences later.
Only Changelings from the same Hive can transfer Love to one another
With a look of profound sadness they continued, “I can’t remember, I have a perfect memory, it’s what I was made for, I mean I stopped getting new information when I was regressed, but I still had the old knowledge, how could it all just go-“ they abruptly stopped
If she doesn't remember that, it means she never remembered anything at all and she never had a good memory too. If all the knowledge she got was from the hive link body part, then all she knew was by remote connections and that it She never truly had this knowledge in her head
If hivemind have enough bandwith and low latency to provide function for something like database and real-time pattern recognition, shouldn't it also give something like linked emotion to make them more efficient?
I would advise against this. The urge to rewrite is strong, but it is better to channel that energy into new chapters, and then maybe once the story is complete you can go back through it with a fine-toothed comb.
As for why you should avoid this, well it's simple. Imagine your making a house of cards, and you want to switch out a card in the middle of the house. Yeah it wouldn't work very well. Some detail may exist in one version but not the other, or a character's personality may shift because you missed a spot. It's best to take the lessons you learned, and use them to write new and better stuff.
Plus if you rewrite something too many times you will get burnt out on the story before even getting very far, trust me.
11088319
That's a really good take, bud. I 'ppreciate that.
This is the most normal and natural reaction I've seen to violently killing two beings from someone sent to equestria, well done.
11088319
This is true and also good advice, I will make notes on things I realise could have been better and do a full re-edit on the bits that need it after the story is complete.
Thank you for the tip
11088460
Thank you very much I'm glad it came across the way I intended it, I was a little concerned I might have made them, well not get over it, but be less freaked out rather quickly, so yeah, very glad it looks right from other prospective.
11088463
No problem. Happy to help.
I want to see more but I know making a good story takes time and I don’t want to rush you to make more now I only hope this story continue’s
So this isn't even on equestria anymore? Or just a different country all together?
Okay... that's just hilarious. That's obviously the first thought I would have if I saw someone viciously mutilate a restrained person.
That's something I need a bit more... clarification... for. Do you actually mean hermaphrodite as in able to reproduce with both parts? There's a difference there, I assure you.
Okay, that's a thing I haven't got a clue if that's how other insects aside from bees make queens. I'd hate to generalize, but from what I know, a larva is reared specifically for the purpose of turning them into a queen by exclusively feeding them royal jelly. *shrug*
Time to assimilate you into the hive...
That's how it started for me. Chapters got longer and longer and longer... until I regularly wrote 20k chapters... and 30k chapters here and there... and a 50k chapter...
Awesome chapter, if a chapter has to be longer to get your story across let it. Theres a saying about letting a story flow.
11088719
These will be talked about more in the future for sure, the mc will definitely be asking questions about it but right then just wasn't the time for them to ask a question that would need a longer explanation.
I was trying to show that the mc wasn't thinking quite clearly lol, in a normal situation I don't think they would have thought that but having just had some really stressful stuff happen to/around them they were just jumping to a possible explanation, no matter how unlikely that might have been.
11088712
It's on the same planet and in the Zebra homelands, the story is also based several thousand years before the show and at least one thousand years before the kingdom of Equestria is formed.
11088858
Nice
11088671
I'm glad you're enjoying it
Have no fear, I will try to keep doing about one chapter a week for the most part.
Over Christmas, I will be having some friends staying with me though, so I may only have time for a shorter chapter this coming week and then get back to it after they have left.
11088857
Well, duh. Obviously. Those were just my curiosities, though. I suppose I'll have to wait if you're not forthcoming with answers that should by no means be major spoilers. As I said, a simple clarification of what you meant would have been enough for me.
11088877
Oh right, if it's just for clarification then that's fine.
Yes, both sets work, but for the most part, only Queens lay eggs unless lower castes are ordered to by the Queen. Also, the changeling's idea of gender is based on their position in the Hive rather than what they have between their legs,
The Egg thing is a little more complicated but the way I'm doing it is that most Changelings start off the same and only get their caste after the first moult, but most Queens come from special eggs, there may or may not be ways for non-Queens to be elevated to that caste.
Did you make the map? If so was wonderdraft the software you used?
11088990
That I did, and yes it was wonderdraft, it's a great bit of shoftwere.
11089064
Indeed it is. Do you have custom assets by the way? I don't recognize a few of the symbols used.
11089080
Most of them were free off the web, but I think the mountains and the sand dunes might be from paid asset packs, I use it for D&D so I collect map assets lol.
Esto se puso bueno 😎
Me gustó mucho el capítulo espero con ansias los siguientes episodios
Wow. I literally can't get enough of this. Congratulations dear author, you have supplied me with a new literary addiction. I eagerly await the next chapter.
11090139
Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it
There should be one more chapter before Christmas but there will be a small break for a week or so because I'll have people staying for the holidays and I'll not have time to write while I host, after that though it will be back to the normal weekly chapter.
Once you get over the fact that it was previously sapient and, well, raw, it's not that bad!
Darn, looks like removing access also clears cache. Darn security weasels! Oh well, something is better than nothing!
He did say she used body-based magic, there's hope yet!
Interesting, so there are types of queens, the odd pair of arms signify the MC is a "War Queen" and I'm guessing that seeing red moment was like a berserker armament type of physical enhancement. Boosting stats and increasing defense
She said the vagoo word!! And the peenor word!!!
Based tbh
11152476
Yeah, he's got all them parts, I figure that since they can change into either that they should have the parts to start off with and base their gender off their position in the Hive, for the most part anyway.
Workers are mostly female, Soldiers are a mix, Drones are mostly male and the Queen is always a female.
The charter at the time was a Worker but had been a Drone before so they still thought of themselves as male since it had only been a short time since the change to Worker.
"My post precious possession! Also my pillow."
He never spoke nor checked himself(?) up until this point?
"Do you want to join my hive instead?"
"Of course! ... Where is it?"
"...You are looking at it. It's still a work-in-progress."
"And how many Queens did you hear of?"
"Fair enough."
And the queen let someone with all this knowledge just running around in the open?
Doesn't sound very far-sighted from her. Not that I'm surprised...
Edit: Nevermind, it's explained a few sentences later.
"Guess who just got adopted?"
If she doesn't remember that, it means she never remembered anything at all and she never had a good memory too.
If all the knowledge she got was from the hive link body part, then all she knew was by remote connections and that it
She never truly had this knowledge in her head
I wonder how reformed changelings would work in this universe
Dang... that's a bit disappointing
I hope the new mare lives
If hivemind have enough bandwith and low latency to provide function for something like database and real-time pattern recognition, shouldn't it also give something like linked emotion to make them more efficient?