Chapter Seventy: On Air
Sassi had scanned the room almost a dozen times. The only reason the mare had done so many sweeps was that every time she found something. A small vial at the back of a cabinet, half a bottle of what smelled like the world’s strongest alcohol, and some scalpels; the ‘scavenged’ pile continued to grow.
The hours passed slowly. It took all of Sassi’s willpower to not check on Astral constantly. The suit kept her up to date with his vitals; none of which had changed. His medication needs had thankfully slowed. Three days until depletion had stretched into four, and then five as the estimate to when the foam and supplementary supplies would run out.
She tried to sleep and did at a few points. Even with the constant lighting, she could try to keep a schedule. Her dreams were nightmarish but thankfully forgotten as soon as the mare woke up. It left her in a constant state of unease.
Her cheeks were still damp from crying earlier. But she finally had let herself sob. It hadn’t lasted long, at least for now. There had been too much clogging up her thoughts.
The timer that Vial had set went off, Sassi giving Astral his second follow-up dose. Over the hours, she had tried to broadcast with the RASP suit’s communications equipment. But either nobody was listening, or the jamming fields were still too strong.
With nothing to do but think, Sassi was already starting to tense up. Thinking was her enemy. The mare’s training could only secure her mind for so long. But with nothing to do, the fears and trauma began to creep in. The command spell had shaken Sassi far more than she originally wanted to admit.
It was overwhelming now, the desire to just curl in a ball and cry. But with nobody else to protect Astral, she’d wait. She had to.
Astral would do the same for me. He has done the same for me.
Sassi knew that it was a dangerous road she was going down. Goodness, her degree had covered codependency as part of the studies. It made her want to scream in frustration.
When the only good thing in this place was Astral, how could she not look to him to be happy?
And now that he was on a medical table, still unconscious…
When did I lose that?
The thought was jarring, enough to make Sassi physically freeze. She walked over to Astral, sitting down next to him.
“When did that go away, I wonder?” she asked softly.
When did I stop fighting to be happy? Believing that I was worth it?
It was a crushing realization, but at the same time empowering. Somewhere along the way, Sassi had yielded her happiness to the company, given away another part of herself to the evil entity that had torn so much away.
Over the years, the mare had stopped believing that she was worth happiness. Very few interactions had indicated any other option. And now with Astral here, the stallion having risked his life over and over for her…
Maybe I can believe that.
Maybe I can believe him.
She couldn’t shift the mindset immediately. Decades of being beaten down by the life in the Silo’s had left their scars. But she could start. Tears trickled down Sassi’s cheeks, the mare smiling genuinely as she reached over to hold Astral’s hoof. As he did every time, the stallion smiled in his sleep ever so slightly.
“Small steps,” she whispered. “Even if I don’t believe it myself, Astral, I’ll try.”
I want to be the mare you think I am.
That thought made Sassi’s jaw clench. She could work with that. Despite Astral’s assurances, she didn’t feel attractive in many ways, let alone worth all the effort this incredible stallion had put forward.
But she trusted him. That was the first step. Sassi trusted that whatever Astral saw had a shred of truth. The stallion had risked his life for whatever he saw in her.
She wanted to believe he was right. That was a step.
A few of her bangs drifted down, the mare smiling again. Somehow in acknowledging her weaknesses, she felt…herself. The oddest sensation crept through the mare’s heart. There was the shyness, the tentative feelings of hope. Yet there was also the fire that made Sassi’s eyes flick to the doors now and again, hoof occasionally moving towards her knife at the sound of any potential movement.
Could those two parts of me ever join together?
Sassi’s eyes then narrowed, Astral’s vitals abruptly spasming.
It was soft at first, but it quickly increased. In perfect pitch, a few sentences left Astral’s lips in a half-whisper.
“Watching it come true, it's taking over you. Oh, this is the greatest show…”
She stifled a laugh of both surprise and utter relief. Squeezing Astral’s hoof, Sassi watched for any other signs of wakefulness but wasn’t rewarded with any. Regardless, she let a few more tears run down her cheeks unimpeded. It was the first sign of life from the stallion. She reached over to wipe off more detox tar from Astral’s lips.
But he was lucid enough to sing in a whisper, and that was progress enough for Sassi.
Apparently, he does know the lyrics to the Greatest Showmare.
“Y’know, we could dance to that, if you wanted,” Sassi said, not expecting a reaction. “I still need to see it. I’ve only heard the songs in pieces.”
Maybe it was her wishing for it, but Sassi could have sworn Astral’s hoof squeezed hers ever so slightly.
He didn’t move though, and it was easy to forget the stallion had even spoken.
The icon indicating the lack of a connection pulsed in the corner of the helmet, drawing her attention. She gave Astral’s hoof a final squeeze, then sat down and tried to collect her thoughts. Of course, that was part of the problem. Being productive would ward off both boredom and the doubts and trauma that eagerly awaited.
She flirted with the idea of taking out her journal. Perhaps she could-
Her thoughts stopped. The connection icon still blinked in the bottom-right corner of the HUD. The embers of an idea popped in Sassi’s mind, quickly roaring into flame.
No, not the journal.
It was the oddest idea, and yet somehow it seemed right. Sassi abruptly realized that part of her feared doing this, silly as it may be.
That’s how she knew it was the right thing to do. Pushing the boundaries just a bit more.
She placed the helmet on an empty roll-around cabinet, angling it towards her.
“Are audio commands active?” she asked.
“Audio commands are online. Currently in standby.”
After a few false starts, and the mare running through briefly what she at least intended to say, Sassi took a deep breath. She wasn’t used to this.
“Begin recording.”
“A transmission! Quality is degraded, but it’s something!” one of the communications officers shouted, the unicorn’s magic tapping a series of keys.
Twilight looked up at the main screen; the command center knew to bring it on the primary monitor.
“Is this live?” she asked, the unicorn frowning.
“I don’t know. The transmission is, but the time stamp appears off. We can’t get a good read on it. It may have been broadcast hours ago, or just now.”
The Princess let out a frustrated huff. That annoyance vanished as a face appeared on the monitor.
“Get Flask in here.”
The stallion was at her side in an instant; the bonus of teleportation crystals. The unicorn’s lip trembled on seeing his daughter look back at him from the screen.
“I don’t know who is going to receive this, or if anyone is still looking for us,” Sassi said, a few bangs falling in front of her eyes. “I guess I wanted to have a record of us. In case of…well, the obvious.” She stood up a bit straighter.
“If I was still a security officer, I’d do a situational report. All I can really say is that we’re…I’m ok,” she said, voice hitching. “We’re in the Silo Three medical bay near the utility tram. The hall is barricaded, so hopefully, those things can’t get in here. Never seen a Skitter like that before. But that’s…I’ll do another recording about the situation later,” she muttered to herself, brow furrowing.
“We’ve been here for a day, maybe more. Even if it’s talking to a camera, it’s better than focusing on the alternative,” Sassi admitted. “And I suppose this is the first time I’m able to talk to anyone outside of the Silos as myself. I’ve never been able to have that chance. If I ever had mentioned it, the Company would have…” the mare shook her head. “Doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t know how much anyone knows about me. So maybe I’ll start at the beginning. Maybe everyone already knows this stuff by now. But if not, at least someone will, if the worse happens.”
Twilight felt Flask shivering at her side.
“So, I guess, to start off…Hello, everyone,” she said in a softer tone, “my name is Sassi Satin.” Her eyes stared at the camera, and the mare’s posture relaxed, a shy, tentative smile sliding onto her face.
“And, well, I’m an experiment.”
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Aren't we all?
That last part got to me.
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She's growing! Well, healing. But that's growth!
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I MEAN
A horror and a vlog. I like the combo of this two when there is someone narrating in them, like Dead Space's "Cut The Limbs". So much juicy stuff is just ready to be unleashed unintentionally through talking rather than written!
Well, on the other end of the spectrum, we could have an Outlast style horror. I am pretty sure no one in the world might be prepared to truly see the belly of the beastly Company.
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Ooooh, double chapter weekend! Sweet!
A journal is not a sitrep, it’s “This is who I am.” She’s mentally moving past being a fleshly automaton and becoming a person.
Still wanna see that wake up. “Heyyy.”
“You look like hell.”
“You don’t.” 🙂
Uh I only read the description but......FOR ROCK AND STONE!
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She's making progress, slow but steady!
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In fairness, given the conditions they've been living in, codependency is at the bottom of the list of dangers to worry about...
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True, but at least she's not wanting to go down that road with someone she cares about.
I just want to say, I adore this fic. I rush to read every chapter, and the characterisation is fantastic. The sci-fi feels great, the story is coherant, and I'm hyped to see what's next!
Thanks for making this!
YAY! HOLIDAY BONUS CHAPTER! (here at least...)
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I'm so glad you're enjoying it! The story and characters really took on a life of their own...(eyes increasingly-large sequel) So stay tuned!
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