Chapter 12
Rarity hunched over the bar, propping herself up on her forelegs. There was nopony else around. “I don't know, give me the best you've got, Gold Tab.”
“Are you sure?” the golden stallion behind the bar asked. “You've already had a few drinks, Rarity, maybe you should calm down for a bit. I don't want you getting sick all over the counter.” As if to punctuate his fear, he wiped a cloth along it.
It was late. She hardly knew what time it was, her only baseline coming from waking up in the dying rays of sunlight. What she did know, was that Twilight's speech was tomorrow. Rarity had headed out to the Progressive Pedigree to ease her troubled, swirling mind. She still had no clue how to feel or what to do.
“Here,” said Golden Tab, sliding over a glass. “Cranberry Juice, it's on me.”
Rarity smiled, before taking a sip. ”So this is how you decide to go down? Drinking at the bar and letting alcohol cover up the wounds you can't fix?” She frowned. Magically passing the drink back to the bartender, she replied, “Sorry, but I do think I need another appletini.”
“I don't think-”
“For fucking Celestia's sake,” she hissed, “just do it.”
“Jeez, okay, fine.” Golden Tab held his forehooves up in the air, before working on her cocktail. “But if you start throwing up-”
“Please, shut up. I know my limits.” Rarity fumed. She just wanted him to do his job, to keep handing over the drinks while she wallowed in her despair for a while.
The bartender glared at her, before setting down the cocktail shaker and pouring out its contents into a glass. Setting it before Rarity, he quickly scurried off and left the bar.
Rarity lifted up her drink, sipping it and leaning back onto her seat with a sigh. ”There you go, Rarity. Who needs her? She's practically given up on you, and you know it. It's time to move on.”
“Rarity, darling, it's so nice to see you here!”
The white unicorn turned around, noticing a familiar face sitting down beside her. “Belvedere! What are you up to these days!” She threw on a quick, fake smile and a laugh.
“Oh, you know, same old jazz.” He laughed too. “I just finished up, and there's really nopony left around here. Well, that is, except for this adorable couple in the back of the restaurant. Both mares, too.”
“You don't say?” Her voice turned sour.
“Hey, what about you and that cute little thing you brought in a few weeks back? “
”There it is...” Rarity threw her head back and downed the rest of her appletini. “What about it?”
Belvedere eyed the empty martini for a moment, before looking back up to her. “I thought you two were dating. Really dear, the way you looked at her and she looked at you was worse than a hoofmark movie.”
“No, we don't have a thing going on,” she answered brusquely.
“But I was sure you two were on a date.”
“Yes, that was then.” Rarity gulped. “Right now though...”
“Oh no, I'm so sorry. What happened?” Belvedere leaned closer, putting a hoof on Rarity's.
“It's a long story, I doubt you'd want to hear me ramble on for so long.”
“I'm your friend. You can talk to me for as long as you like.” Belvedere lowered his eyes. “I've been in some bad relationships myself, and I know that talking it out is the best way to ease the pain. So, what's wrong?”
Rarity inhaled for a moment, trying to muster the courage to let her words and feelings run free. She knew they wouldn't though, they never did. But as she opened her mouth, for once, she felt nothing holding her back. Was it the alcohol? Perhaps it was the growing pit of despair in her stomach? Or maybe it was the fact her esteem had been reduced to nothing but ash and rubble.
“It was all my fault...” she muttered, and from there the words tumbled from her mouth like a overflowing sink.
-~-
“...And she said if I didn't show up at Canterlot, that we'd be through.” Rarity's cheeks were damp with the trails of her tears, despite how much Belvedere offered a box of tissues. “Since then, I don't know what to do. I feel like she's abandoned me, even though I know she hasn't...yet. I just want to give up. She deserves somepony better anyways,” she sniffled, “one who isn't afraid of being judged by other ponies for being a fillyfooler. I'm so afraid, Bel. I've seen ponies whisper about us, and I can just imagine all the things they think about me and her. I-...I don't sleep sometimes because of that, where I just see ponies laughing and mocking me.”
She laid her head on the bar, her back heaving with sobs. “I'm such a coward.”
“Oh, no, don't say that!” Belvedere rubbed her back. “Rarity, many gay ponies have a period, no matter how large or small, where they have the same fears as you do. You're not alone.”
“R-really?” Rarity slowly picked her head up, looking at him.
“Yes,” he answered softly with a smile. “Even I did, as hard to believe as that is. You don't even realize how lucky you are, either.”
“Huh?”
“You have the opportunity to get through all the stress, all the anxiety with another pony you love, right beside you. Somepony to lean on when you think you might crumble. And slowly, it'll get better, as long as you love her. Do you?”
Rarity quivered. She cared for her more than anypony she knew. She wanted to make her happy, to hear her giggle in delight, to see her smile whenever she could, to wake up each morning and get lost in watching her sleep. ”Is that love? If it is, then I've never told her...” Guilt washed over her like a blastwave.
“Yes...” she admitted.
“Then, as long as you love her, and she loves you, you can get through it just fine as long as you talk it out and let her know when you need help.” Noticing Rarity's sudden change of expression, he continued, “I suppose that didn't always happen, did it?”
“No...” Rarity said with a sigh. “I wish I had, though. It's too late to fix that now.”
Belvedere shook his head. “Is it? If you take the train out now, I'm positive you could make it out to Canterlot by sunrise.”
“No, you weren't there. You should've seen here face at the park, it made me feel dreadful. So disappointed, so sad... I can't bear going back to get her, only to hurt her again in the future.”
“If you just talk about it with her, I'm sure she'll understand. She seems like a nice pony. In fact, I think she'll be relieved to know exactly what's been wrong with you.”
“Perhaps... But, I feel like she'll just see me for how weak and stupid I am. She might just think I've been ashamed of her.”
“Dear, if she loves you too, I doubt she'd think any of those things. She'd most likely do all she can to help, to make you comfortable so she can have her Rarity back.”
“You really think so?” Rarity asked with a sniffle.
“Yes.” Belvedere leaned over further and pulled his friend into a warm hug. It last for a few quiet moments, before they broke apart slowly.
“Th-thank you, darling.” Rarity slowly got off her chair at the bar, throwing a few bits on the counter. “I'll give it some thought, but for now... I think I need some air to clear my head.”
He smiled. “Go ahead. Just do what makes you happy, Rarity.” She smiled back at him, before turning around and heading for the door.
”I can't just go running back for her, can I? She's probably so hurt and lost, I doubt we could pick it up from where we used to be.” She pushed the front door open violently, it's handle smacking the wall outside. She stomped her hooves as she walked away from the restaurant. ”Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why must I be so wrapped in what other ponies think, instead of what I think? Why must I be so... so... so egotistical, self-conscious, and selfish?! Why can't I be a better pony? Why can't I be-”
“Rarity!”
The unicorn groaned, turning back around towards the door. Two mares were looking out at her, Fluttershy and Azure.
“Oh, hi...” she replied.
“Hi!” Fluttershy trotted, trotted, over to her. “I nearly thought I missed you as we saw you leave! Thank Celestia we found you!”
“Oh. Well, umm, here I am.” Rarity shrugged.
“I know! I just wanted to thank you for pointing this place out to me.” Fluttershy hugged her quickly, as Azure slowly walked up to the two.
“You're... quite welcome, darling.” She threw on another fake smile. “Anything for a friend.”
“And more than just that.” Fluttershy glanced at Azure. “You pretty much set this whole thing up with Azure and I. You gave her my name, and convinced us to go on a double date, and you've been supportive the entire time. I just-... Thank you.” She gave her friend another hug, this time tighter and longer.
“No problem, dear.” Rarity swallowed. She felt like she wanted to be alone. She felt like something was welling up within her. She felt jealous. She wanted to have what she had... A pony to rely on, to cry on, to love.
“Well,” Fluttershy kicked her hoof on the ground awkwardly, “we should get back inside. We're not even done with dinner yet, and I know we're holding everypony up from closing. Once again, thank you.” Azure nodded in agreement, putting a hoof around the yellow pegasus.
“Oh, don't let me stop you, you two!” Rarity gave out a faux laugh. “Go on back in, enjoy yourselves!” The other mares laughed in return, nodding and muttering their goodbyes before turning around and heading back in the restaurant.
Waiting a minute before they were fully out of sight, Rarity sighed, a tear rolling down her cheek.
-~-
Trudging down the road, Rarity looked up ahead. Her boutique was waiting for her, as it always did. With a sigh and a sniffle, she kept her legs moving. It was a strain, not from physical but emotional exertion, to put one hoof in front of the other. Her head sagged like a lopsided sack of flour.
”So, this is it? This is where it comes to a close?” Rarity inched closer and closer to her house. ”I guess it's for the better... Huh, what's this?” Looking over to her mailbox, she noticed a thin package barely sticking out. Pulling it out with her magic, she noticed it wasn't a package at all. Rather, it seemed to be some sort of hard object, wrapped in brown paper.
Shrugging, Rarity brought it inside with her. Closing the door, the boutique was dimly lit by a sole light coming all the way from her bedroom. Her past few days had been a blurry wreck, and the state of her house and store reflected that.
Climbing the stairs, Rarity toted her curious “package” with her, the soft glow of her horn illuminating the area around her. She didn't know what it held, but she supposed it could wait until she reached the sanctuary of her bed. She felt too depressed, too defeated to do anything about it in the meantime, her mattress had become her greatest source of comfort and escape for the past two days. Often she slept for hours at a time, only staying up for short periods of time to quell whatever bodily need annoyed her, before crying herself back to sleep again.
The room was a mess, as was usual. Supplies, drafts and designs littered the room, untouched in days. A pillow laid lonely in the middle of the floor. A bottle of wine sat emptily on her nightstand, a small white envelope next to it. Climbing wearily above her thick comforter, Rarity laid down and yawned. “Better see what this is about,” she muttered to herself. Tearing the paper off with her magic, Rarity gasped. Bound in green, gold letters flitted over the cover.
“L'Amour de Charité,” Rarity uttered, staring in disbelief at the novel in front of her. For old time's sake, she started flipping through the pages, scanning their words as bits and fragments of bygone memories flashed in her mind. ”The forbidden romance of the noblemare Charity and the city-dweller Bayard,” she thought to herself nostalgically.
As she turned over the last page, a note fell out, lying face down on the bed. “Huh?” Rarity said to herself aloud, picking it up with a glow of her horn.
“Dear Rarity,
The last few days have been tough, to say the least. I've been worrying about you so much that I can't even focus on writing my speech; I felt like I had to get this out before I could do anything else. More than anything, I want to know where my Rarity has gone. The one who is sociable, fun, compassionate and intelligent. I want to see you smile again while we run in the rain, eat dinner on the grass, listening to the orchestra, or simply walk through the streets of Ponyville as we have so many times. I want to see you laugh, to see that glimmer in your eyes when you tease me, to hold or be held by you. I want that all, I want that Rarity, back.
However, I'm not sure if I can. You've grown silent and moody and it kills me to see you like this. Your usually outgoing, extroverted nature has collapsed into something I don't recognize. You won't even tell me what's wrong. I wanted – and I still want – to help you so badly, but you won't tell me what's bothering you. Nothing. Not even a sentence. And that's what hurts the most. The silence. Most nights, I've been kept awake wondering what's hidden in there. And – (the ink has bled and been distorted beyond legibility due to water damage) – 'm scared - . . . - iss y - . . . - can't do th -. . . - ut I think that if you can't trust me with what's bothering you, then maybe I just don't matter that much to you.
So, here's this book back. It's funny how I gave this to you when I first, truly realized you meant something to me, and now I'm giving it to you again when it could possibly be the end. Unless, of course, you decide to show up in Canterlot, but that's entirely up to you.
There's nopony else I want to be with right now more than you, Rarity, but I'm not going to force you to want me.
Still Yours,
Twilight”
Defying her previous assumptions, Rarity still had tears left. They flowed freely down her cheeks, dampening her comforter until she utterly disintegrated, her face falling into her hooves as her whole body shook. Loud, gasping sobs filled the room, mixed in with sniffling and groaning of a mare who finally felt the full weight of her choices.
“I... I did this. To myself. To Twilight. In the process, I probably did other things I shouldn't have to other ponies. I gave up the one mare, the one pony, who made me feel whole. I threw it all away...” her hooves began to shake once more, not with grief, but with anger, “for what?! So some stuck-up, ignorant ponies will accept me? So they'll invite me into their little circle of other prejudiced friends? So I won't be mocked for being with the one mare I love?”
Rarity screamed. Slamming her hoof on the bed, she picked up the book in her magic, and hurled it at the wall. It crashed with a flutter of pages, before landing face down and open on the floor. ”Why must I torture myself in such a way? Am I just some sadistic little bitch who can't be happy with what she has?”
”Well, you are quite the perfectionist. Perhaps that poor, little mare isn't perfect enough for you?”
”No...” Rarity thought defiantly. ”No, I think it's because she's too perfect for me.” A bright, encouraging glow grew in her chest, beating her heart faster. ”She's kind, courageous and sweet. She knows who she is and she doesn't let others ponies tell her otherwise, and accepts them for how they are as well. She's naïve, and I think she knows that, and yet she doesn't go out of her way to change that. She's comfortable with who she truly is, and on top of that, she has all these other admirable and adorable qualities that I adore.”
”Meanwhile, I'm just some prissy, melodramatic pony that can't get over herself and what she thinks other ponies say. She deserves better.”
”And you are not. Don't bother your time with her, you'd just be wasting it. She'll move on.”
”Possibly. Or-” the radiant glow shined brighter. ”I could just be better. I still have a chance, don't I? I can still make it to Canterlot and be there for her. I can show up, and tell her everything. All my fears, why I've been silent, everything. Just like Bel said, she'd understand.”
Rarity got up and off her bed, checking herself in the mirror. Her makeup was a mess, running down her face in streaks. Levitating over a bottle of makeup removed, she wiped them from her face.
”Would she?” a darker, cynical side of her asked, as she walked out of her room and down the stairs. ”There's always a chance that she might be even more upset with you. Do you really want to make her feel that way, all because you think you can be better?”
”I have to try, and hope that she'll see more for who I am.” Rarity picked up her purse and walked out the door, closing it behind her.
And who's saying she'll want to see who you truly are?
-~-
Rarity's heart was racing. Her legs where working as fast they could. Her hair was blowing behind her as the wind dried out her eyes. Breaths came out in short bursts.
Charging down the main road of Ponyville, the white unicorn was weaving in and out of other pastel-colored equines. Her hoofs begun to ache as she skidded out of the way of a cabbage cart, continuing her relentless pace onward. Oddly enough, it seemed like time had stopped, no other pony noticing her as she charged onwards to her goal. In fact, it seems like none of them even cared that she was tearing after her objective.
Soon enough, the tree library came into view, and confidence began to fill her heart. ”I can do this! Yes, I can do this!” Dreams of the future began to fill her mind, happy times and loving evenings. Everything was coming together harmoniously.
Out of nowhere, something blocked her path, right as she was on top of it. No time to stop, Rarity slammed into it at full speed. The object stood firm, while the unicorn fell backwards, a headache screaming in her temples.
The world was fuzzy, her ears ringing from impact. She felt dizzy and frantic, struggling to make heads or tails of the situation. When she opened her eyes, she could hardly see, the impact impairing her vision and making everything blurry. It looked like a cloud... Or maybe a mound of snow.
She tried to stand back up, but quickly fell back down as dizziness overtook her. Looking back to what she had run into, the picture began to clear. ”No, no no no...”
Voices started to call out to her. “You don't belong here. This is not the right place for you,” they said. “Forget it, it's hopeless...”
Looming up in front of her, as Rarity began to see, was a giant wall. Like most walls it was very tall, hard to climb, surrounded the entire library, solid and strong. Exactly alike to any other wall that had ever been build before, with one exception.
This wall was covered in mirrors.
The white unicorn backed away, eyes widening with comprehension. In front of her, backing away, was herself. She looked scared, hurt, and confused. Tentatively, Rarity took a step forward. So did her image. She walked so closed to the wall that she was snout to snout with herself. Placing a hoof on the glass siding, she pressed down as if to force her way through. The wall – and in addition, her mirrored self – stood firm, refusing to let her pass.
Spinning around, Rarity tried to buck the wall. Her back hooves slammed against the mirrors, who refused to even crack. Sparks of pain shot up her rear legs. Whimpering, the mare laid down as she let the pain recede. ”I can't just force my way through it.”
Just then, an idea struck her. Gritting her teeth as she stood back up, her hooves still sore, Rarity took off, running around the wall. Minutes later, however, she seemed to get tired. She noticed she had passed the same mailbox a dozen times. ”And there's no getting around it, either.”
”No, you cannot. Don't you see, you lonely, little pony, you will always be there to get in your own way. Don't waste your time,” a dark, snarling voice rang out from nowhere.
”Anything I do for Twilight will never be a waste.”
”Are you so sure? Do you really think she'll accept this vile, paranoid side you harbor?”
”I... I hope she will.”
”Oh my, what faith you have in her. Yes, of course, she'll surely come back to you after you spat on her feelings with silence and let her cry over their broken remains.
Rarity flattened her ears against her head”She will! Twilight's a great pony, and I believe she can see how I'm hurting just like she is, that I love her.”
”Love!” The dark voice laughed. ”Right, you love her. So much so, that you don't tell her how you feel, and you don't even try to respond when she asks if you trust her. Ah, so that's what love is! Thank you, my dear, for informing me of what it truly is.”
”That's not true!”
”Isn't it?...” The walls and her surroundings started to bleed their colors, turning gray, and then tinging into black. The last words of the dark voice began to echo and reverberate in her ears, softly whittling away until it, and the world around her, faded into nothingness.
-~-
“Miss, would you like some coffee?” A hoof touched her shoulder.
Face pressed against the window, mouth slightly agape and eyes closed, Rarity snapped awake. Eyes blinked open, and her forelegs flailed. “Huh? What?” She blinked her eyes, looking around.
“I was just wondering if you would like some coffee.”
Rarity looked over, and noticed the attendant at her side in the aisle. A yellow-coated, pink-maned unicorn mare, she wore a blue uniform and cap. She gazed down at the awoken pony curiously.
“Oh, yes, coffee would be wonderful, thank you.” Rarity tried her best to smile, as the attendant nodded and walked down the car. ”Ugh... What a nightmare,” she thought to herself. ”It was probably just due to the stress and the lack of comfort, the two AM train into Canterlot is a dreadful experience.”
The car was lit, on account for the fact that she didn't have enough bits in her purse to purchase a spot in one of the sleeping cars. She cursed herself for not thinking of grabbing any extra money on the way out. Now, she was stuck on coach.
Looking up to the clock, Rarity noted it was four-thirty. ”Four more hours to go,” she grumbled to herself.
Within moments, the attended returned, a mug of black coffee and tray in tow. Rarity thanked her for it, watched her leave, and then took a sip. ”Eww, this is dreadful!” She placed the mug on the tray beside her. Instead, she stared out the window.
For the most part, the world was dark. Hardly anything was visible, and what was, was only a passing blur. Sighing, she resorted to letting her mind wander.
”Twilight's out there somewhere. Far, far away, but somewhere. I hope I can reach her in time, as her speech starts at nine-thirty.” She frowned. ”How stupid I was! I should've left days earlier, where I could've apologized to her and taken her out to dinner the night before her speech. I could've been there to help her. I could've been better. I could've been...” she trailed off, not wanting to go down this path again.
Closing her eyes, she placed her face against the window. It felt cool and refreshing, a relief from the hot and stuffy train car. Rarity yawned.
Sitting herself back up straight, Rarity shook her head to banish her weariness. Looking to her right, she found her coffee once more and brought it to her lips, drinking deeply. The harsh, bitter flavor shredded down her throat, leaving aftershocks of aftertaste. She grimaced, and swallowing one more time to help erase its taste, sipped from the coffee again. The night ride to Canterlot was going to be a long one.
-~-
The train finally came to a stop with a heave and a sigh as it arrived in Canterlot station. The car's clock read eight forty-five. Putting her stuff away in her purse, Rarity got up from her seat and waited anxiously by the door. She had spent the last half hour trying to mitigate the effects of her long night with what cosmetics she had on her, but she still looked depleted. Small wrinkles still lingered under her eyes, of which were bloodshot.
At last, the door opened, a conductor's face sticking out. “Welcome, ma'am, to Canterl-”
“Yes, yes, thank you, but I'm in a bit of a rush.” Rarity stepped out, pushing past him, trotting up the platform and towards the station building. It was rush-hour Canterlot, and as such every pony commuting to the capital to work was convening in the same building as she. Opening the door, Rarity found the main room to be packed, ponies crowded everywhere.
She looked up at the grandiose clock adorning the wall to her right. ”Eight fourty-seven.” Glancing around, Rarity made her way into the middle of the room. She needed to find somepony to talk to, anypony who looked even the slightest bit official. Yards away, she noticed an information kiosk, attended by one lone pony.
Approaching the stand, she rapped her hoof on the desk. “Hello? Yes, excuse me, do you know how to get to 'The School for Gifted Unicorns?'”
The stallion smiled and nodded. “Yes, but while you're here, why don't I tell you about all the sights and attractions Canterlot has to offer?”
“No. All I need is to get the quickest directions possible to 'The School for Gifted Unicorns.'” Rarity tried her best to polite and smiled at him.
“But, can't I at least tell how steeped in history-”
Her smile turned sour. “Listen, I wouldn't care if this city is so old it was first a treehouse for Princess Celestia. Where is 'The School for Gifted Unicorns?'” She leered at him, watching his confidence crumble.
“Take a right from the main entrance, then a left, then another left. You can't miss it.” He shrunk back behind his counter.
“Thank you.” Rarity whipped around and trotted for the door.
The streets of Canterlot were a mess. Dozens upon dozens of colorful equines moved at a lethargic pace, creeping down the street like a discomforting, slouching rainbow that forgot what colors went where. Rarity could hardly move faster than at a walking pace. Stuck in the swarm, she couldn't do more than yell and scream, and she knew it was pointless to do so. Ponies were packed so tightly together that they couldn't be forced aside, not to mention the two in front of her were giant and intimidating. Looking to her left and right, Rarity saw no opening, just more and more bodies slowly making their way through the city.
Scanning the nearby area for a clock, she found one on a corner, held up by a post. ”Eight-fifty.”
”You're running out of time.
Rarity did her best to quash her fearful thoughts, sending them back to the recesses of her conscious. ”The school didn't seem that far away, according to what the stallion at the kiosk said. Even with moving at such a dreadful pace, I can hardly see me getting there later than eight fifty-eight. Enough time to find the auditorium and get a seat. ...I hope.”
-~-
The steps leading to “The School for Gifted Unicorns” were cut from white marble, going for quite a distance before reaching the large, oaken doors. Rarity, however, cleared them in seconds. She ran up them double-step, breathing heavily as she reached the top. Pulling open the doors with her magic, she stepped inside.
A long row of tables awaited her as she entered, staffed by elderly mares who all had lockboxes and bins of discarded tickets in front of them. Rarity trotted up to the nearest pony.
“Hello, hi, my name's Rarity and my friend Twilight Sparkle is speaking today.” She flashed a smile.
“Great.” The nag grunted. “Gotta ticket?”
“Huh? Oh, yes, why I do.” Rarity slipped her purse off from around her shoulder, digging through it. “Hold on, it's in here somewhere.” The old mare rolled her eyes.
”That's odd,” Rarity thought. ”I swore I put it in- Oh no.” Mentally, her mind backtracked all the way to her house, up the stairs, into her room, and on her far nightstand where the envelope lay. It was probably still where she placed it after returning home from the park only days before.
“Well?” The old ticketpony asked.
“I seem to have forgotten it...” Rarity said quietly, before continuing in a louder voice, “Don't you have any lists of reserved ticket holders? I'm sure my name is on there.”
“We don't. No ticket, no entrance.”
“Please?” Rarity opened her eyes wide, beseeching her with a sad frown. “My friend is in there right now and I promised I'd come to see the fair. It's very important to me that I get to hear the keynote speech.”
“Huh, is this your coltfriend or sumthin'? Now move along, lady, you need a ticket to get inside.”
Rarity's brow furrowed as she quickly changed gears. She wouldn't let some cranky crone get in her way of Twilight. “Now listen here, you stubborn mule! I am going to hear the keynote speech one way or another. Either you can be helpful, and let me go inside for five minutes, or I can run past you anyways and cause a huge scene that nopony will enjoy. Now, let me in!”
“Mule? Why you little, pampered filly! I'll teach you to disrespect ya elders!” She stood up from her seat, shaking a hoof at her. “You brat, get out of her this instant!”
“No!” Rarity shouted, putting a hoof down on the table. All the other ticketponies' eyes bore on her. “I am going inside to watch my friend speak, and that's that!” She was about to gallop around the table when another voice floated from nearby.
“Ladies, please, what are you bickering about?”
Rarity looked up, and nearly collapsed as she saw the regal form of Princess Celestia step out from around the corner.
“Ah, ya majesty, forgive me.” The nag turned and bowed to her.
“Oh, it's quite alright, my little pony. I just heard the sound of arguing on my way to the auditorium, and decided to see if I could help.” Celestia smiled, before her eyes darted and locked onto Rarity's. “Rarity, this is a surprise. I'm a little disappointed to see you acting like this.” Her words felt like a buck to the stomach. “What is this conflict all about?”
Rarity quickly and crudely curtsied, before facing the diarch once again. “Ah, umm, hello there, Princess. Yes, well, see I-I wanted to attend the Vernal Equinox Fair, but when I realized I forgot my ticket at home, I guess I got a little heated and upset.”
Celestia nodded. “I assumed as much. However, I find it intriguing that you're so adamant about attending in the first place. I can only reason that you came here to see Twilight, but where are all of your friends?”
“They're back at Ponyville.”
“Why just you, then? You seemed awfully irritable a moment ago, too.” Princess Celestia tilted her head to the side, lowering the volume of her voice, “Is something wrong?”
“Between Twilight and I, yes,” Rarity admitted with a sigh. This conversation was going down a path she really didn't want it to, considering the nature of her and Twilight's relationship, and the fact that Princess Celestia was, well, Princess Celestia. Not quite the pony she wanted to reveal her pitfalls to. But, the issue that rose above all the others, was her anxiety of being open with any pony about her preference for mares. When multiplied by the fact that she'd be telling this to a pony as respected, powerful, and regal as Celestia, and that she was interested in said princess' protégé, it made her legs feel weak and her mental backbone brittle.
“What happened?”
“She was upset that I didn't talk to her about my problems.” The scene at the park replayed itself through her head. “She thought I didn't trust her.”
Princess Celestia remained mute for a moment, before answering, “Hmm, did you tell your other friends about your issues? Did Twilight feel left out?”
“No... That isn't it. If I had to, I could – and I have – talked to my friends about it.” Rarity gulped. She really didn't feel comfortable talking about this with Celestia, but something egged her on, from deep inside. “It's different though, with Twilight.”
Celestia's head pulled back slightly, her eyebrows raised. “And why is that?”
Rarity felt her chest tighten, the air squeezed out of her lungs like a vacuum. She wanted to turn around, tail between her legs, and run. This was not what she envisioned her trip to Canterlot being like. It was all too much, after being ran over and over with stress and worry, her nerves frayed and mangled.
Exposing and elaborating on her relationship with Twilight would be hard enough with anypony. But here was Princess Celestia, asking her to do the same exact thing. Princess Celestia! She was royalty, unknowingly asking Rarity to come out of multiple closets. As if her insecurity was bad enough, now it had increased ten fold. As much as she tried otherwise, irrational fears began to bubble to the surface.
Yet, as much as her mind doubted and demurred, her heart glowed and reasoned in equal intensity.
”Go on, tell her. Tell the all-powerful ruler of Equestria that you have a thing going on with her student. Right, like she wouldn't judge you for that.”
”Go on, tell her. Tell the loving, compassionate mentor of Twilight that you want to make it up to her pupil. Tell her how you love her and want to do all you can for her. She'd never be angry or prejudiced against you for wanting to be that pony for Twilight.“
”If you can't even be seen with Twilight in public, what makes you think you can do this?”
”If you ever want to be with Twilight again, you need to get inside. If you love her as much as you say, then you can do this.”
”Just give it up. You've always been a scared, frightened pony at heart and you know it.”
”You're almost there, and you know it. You love Twilight too much to quit on her now, and you know it.”
And she did know it. She wanted that kind, sweet, smart and adorkable mare so badly it hurt. Some integral thread of her soul tightened at the thought of having her back in her hooves. Her spirit yearned for, desired, required Twilight. There was no real explanation for it, but she felt it so strongly that she didn't even need one. She needed her.
“Go on, tell her. You can do this, and you know it.”
Her troublesome, over-analytical side shut down, overcome by sheer emotion and willpower. She felt her shackles fall to the floor.
“Well, you see, Princess... We were in a- umm, a relationship.” Rarity barely eeked the statement out of her mouth, and the tension hung in the air like an anvil.
“Hmm? Aren't you two already- oh.” Celestia stopped. The world stood still.
”Is she mad? Please, don't let her be mad. Maybe she's just disappointed? What if she doesn't approve? What if she thinks I'm not good enough-
A smile surged across the sovereign's face, and Rarity noticed that this one definitely wasn't the same as the smiles she wore at parades and meetings. It was warm, genuine, heartfelt. She... approved?
“Well, that certainly puts the pieces together. Twilight seemed awfully quiet this morning.” Princess Celestia smile dissipated as soon as it appeared. “I wish I could say I'm happy for you both, but it seems you two have reached a conflict in your relationship, correct?”
“Yes.” Rarity nodded, her voice louder now that she had gained Celestia's support. “She thinks I don't trust her and that I can't tell her what I'm feeling. And- and it's not that. I was just scared and I didn't know how to cope with it. But now, after realizing how close I am to losing her, I'm trying to do all I can to make it up.”
“Oh no, Twilight...” Celestia's eyes softened, and she stepped a few paces closer. A warm, motherly tone pervaded her speech as she asked, “What can I do to help?”
“Twilight told me that if I still wanted to be with her, that she would see me here in Canterlot to watch her speak. She gave me a ticket to enter, but I seemed to have left it at my house.” Rarity looked away momentarily. “I don't know how it slipped my mind, but now I feel like I'm going to let her slip through my hooves too. I can't get in, and she might be finished already.”
Princess Celestia shook her head. “Say no more.” Stepping to the side, a twitch of a grin donned her lips. “Go. Find her, and tell her how you feel. She only started a few minutes ago, so you still have time. As long as you're honest with her, I'm certain she'll understand. But for now, go! You only have to keep your ears open, and you'll find her.”
Rarity felt like bursting with joy. She wanted to wrap as much of the alicorn as she could in a hug, praising and thanking her for being so considerate and generous. However, that would have to wait. Her mare was waiting for her.
“Thank you!” Rarity cried, before taking off down the hallway.
-~-
“My days at “The School for Gifted Unicorns” were ones I will never forget...” Twilight's voice rang throughout the halls. Whether it was her voice magnification spell, or just brilliant acoustics, Rarity couldn't tell. Regardless, it was maddening.
She had searched every door, every window she could to find where the lavender mare was. ”Why does this school have no damn signs in it?” she thought. Turning a corner, Rarity thought for a second that Twilight's voice had gotten louder. She stood still for a moment.
“They've taught me so much, and helped me grow in countless ways, even after I graduated.”
It was louder. Scrambling into action, Rarity noted the dozens of doors lining the long walls ahead of her. Without wasting a second, she began flinging them open with her magic. ”Is she here? No, just a closet. Here? No, classroom.
“And, sharing in the same aspiration as your professors, I hope that you all will too.”
Rarity moved onward. ”Classroom. Classroom. Another hallway. Classroom. Classroom. Classroom.” And yet, the further she went, the closer she felt to Twilight. Her voice grew ever so slightly with each step, and her intuition told her she was headed in the right direction.
“That's why we've spent the past few months planning to bring you all a wonderful show today.”
Twilight was closing in on the end of her speech. Rarity grew frantic, galloping from door to door. ”Classroom, hallway, classroom, lecture hall, laboratory room, classroom, classroom, classroom, classroom, closet, classroom.”
“I'd like to thank Princess Celestia for sponsoring this event, and Headmaster Quadrivium for putting in the time to make it happen.”
”Classroom classroom storage classroom lecture hall closet classroom classroom classroom.” Doors were left open in her wake.
“Nevertheless, without further ado-”
”classroomclassroomclosethallwayclassroomcloset.” Her rapid breathing could be heard echoing through the hall.
“-I'd like to welcome you all to “The School for Gifted Unicorn's” twelfth annual-”
A lone door stood at the end of the hall. It was like any of the others, but now Rarity could hear Twilight's voice being projected just from behind it. She was in there. Mustering all the strength she had left, the unicorn dashed for the door, hauling it open with all her might.
“Twilight!”
The purple mare was alone on the stage, as a spotlight shone on her. She wore no fancy attire, her mane looking exactly the same as when she first arrived in Ponyville. And yet, to Rarity, she was the most beautiful thing she had laid her eyes on.
Rarity had opened to the door leading to the side of the stage. The curtains were not fully drawn, so any view of the audience was blocked by a crimson wall. Twilight's voice amplification spell had drowned out the fashionista's cry to the crowd, but not to its target.
The bookish unicorn looked over briefly, her jaw slackened. Her eyes widened and sparkled, and her train of thought ground to a halt. “Ahhh...”
Rarity, panting with exertion, tried her best to smile.
The cogs started to churn in Twilight's head, and it only took a second before she smiled in return. It was a goofy, overwhelmed grin that spoke more than a thousand words.
“Right, umm,” Twilight turned back to the audience, trying to catch wisps of what she planned to say next. “Welcome to- to the twelfth autumnal equinox fair, and... umm, yes. Enjoy!” She scarcely looked to the crowd before turning and charging off the stage.
The lavender mare hit Rarity with such force that she stumbled back out into the hallway. The unicorn was everywhere, chest to chest, hooves in hair, lips on lips. She kept pushing with her hindlegs as they kissed, driving them both backwards. Rarity felt her rump hit a doorway, but couldn't respond as Twilight kept pushing, moving them inside. At last, she tripped over a broom handle and tumbled to the floor.
Twilight landed on top of her. “I knew you'd come!” she exclaimed, before planting a trio of pecks on Rarity's face. “I knew it!”
“Yes, dear, and I did!” Rarity cried, tears starting to run down her cheeks. She lifted her head up and kissed her mare back, keeping her in place as she wrapped her hooves around her. “I did.”
“I was so worried,” Twilight admitted, “I couldn't find you in the audience anywhere. I almost felt like giving up halfway through.”
Rarity nuzzled her and and hugged her close. The words bubbled out from her mouth, slowly gaining volume, “I'm so sorry. For everything. I'm such a stupid, stupid pony. I should've been able to talk, I should've been able to tell you how I felt. But I was so scared. I was scared that ponies were judging me constantly for being with another mare. I was scared that they would just shun me, and I know it was all rather silly, but I couldn't help it! What I was most afraid of, however, was making you mad and upset if I told you. I thought you'd get angry at me and think of me as some horrible pony-”
Twilight placed a hoof over her lips. “Shhh, it's okay. We can talk about this some other time if you'd like.”
Rarity shook her head, breaking free from her clasp. “No, I have to say this now.” She inhaled a shaky, deep breath. “...When I realized how close I was to losing you, after you left for Canterlot, when I found that cheesy novel we first read together, and that note you wrote,” Twilight smiled, “I... I discovered how much you meant to me. How much I care for you.” The words felt stuck in her throat, but at the same time lifted a monumental weight off her shoulders. “I- I love you, Twilight.”
Twilight smiled the widest she'd ever seen, eyes glimmering as a few of her own tears escaped to roll down her cheeks. “I love you too, Rarity.”
Leaning in, Twilight planted her lips on Rarity's, letting their tongues swirl and mix as if they were one. They moved in harmony, chests rising and falling together, as their kiss dragged on for what could've been eons. An exhale draining out through her nose, Rarity melted under the embrace of the mare she loved. The closet door closed shut.
-~-
Stretching her forelegs and yawning loudly, Rarity shuffled her body under the blankets and snuggled closer the warmth pressed up against her chest. Small, short bursts of air tickled her nose. Opening her eyes slightly, she saw the golden rays of the afternoon sun as it filled the room. An adorable, lavender mare was lying next to her, her mane cutely in disarray and her mouth open in a small “o” as she breathed on her face.
“Oh my, is this a bad time?” a voice asked.
Startled, Rarity flailed awake, and in the process, woke up the pony next to her. Looking up, squinting from the sunlight, she noticed Princess Celestia standing just inside their room, their balcony doors open.
“Hmm?” Twilight mumbled, rubbing her eyes with her hooves. “Oh, good morning, Princess. What were you asking?”
“It''s the afternoon,” Celestia pointed out quietly. “Right, I should've let you two sleep. This probably is a bad time.”
Still not fully in control of her faculties, Twilight giggled and remarked, “Well, it could've been much worse a few hours ago.” Rarity blushed profusely. Even Princess Celestia had the sense to allow her white cheeks tinge pink.
Rarity coughed. “Umm, Twilight, I don't think that's something you should say to the Princess.”
“Huh?” Twilight yawned. “Why shouldn't I- Oh!” She squeaked, turning darker than the other two combined. “OhmygoshIamsosorry!”
Princess Celestia sighed and nodded, a chuckle escaping her mouth. “Just forget it even happened. I'll meet you two in a few hours for dinner.” She added in a quieter tone, “In the meantime, if anything... more, should occur, please try to keep it down. My dear sister is trying to sleep on the floor above, and I would hate to have her woken up by your,” she waved a hoof awkwardly, “passion.”
With a cough and another flush, the goddess of the sun turned around, and closing the balcony doors behind her, took off into the sky.
Rarity giggled. Twilight, turning to her, at first remained silent. But soon they infected her as well, and both mares fell back onto the bed in a fit of laughter.
As they finally calmed down, Twilight snuggled herself against Rarity's shoulder. “How are you feeling?”
“Whole,” Rarity answered with a smile, pecking her marefriend's forehead.
“Oh?” Twilight peeped an eye open at her. “Do you still need me, then?”
Rarity nodded. “Of course I do.” She pulled the other pony closer to her. “Always.”
“I can get used to that,” Twilight mumbled, closing her eyes again and snuggling against Rarity.
Rarity used a hoof to stroke Twilight's mane, trying to lull her back to sleep. “Me too, Twilight, me too.”
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Epilogue will be out later. It's not really important.
This is. Once again, same policy as usual, tear this thing apart. Don't you all get soft on me just because this is the last chapter. I still have my own qualms with this chapter, despite tweaking and fixing it for the past week. Sometimes, there's only so much I can do to make it better without losing my sanity.
Enjoy!
Edit: Oh hey look, I'm finally on the Featured Box, on my last chapter. Yippee.
Squee!!!! UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! YAY!
Okay, I'm done. Loved this chapter, loved this story, loved all of it.
Very nicely done, I'll try to give you a more critical review later, but nice chapter, nice story. Thanks for sharing.
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2299706
Serious issue: That this is in fact the last chapter. Many stories focus on the beginning of a relationship and leave off as it gets over its rocky road and just starts in earnest I want to see this taken beyond that. Daily life! Trials and tribulations! One of these days someone will oblige me. ;-;
2299949
Obviously you don't know how I work, my dear friend. I will, from time to time, write "Bonus Chapters," which are little more than just slices of life, post-drama. I've done this with my ancient fanfic "Renaissance of the Moon," and I plan on doing it here.
However, they might have to wait for awhile. "Kinetics" will be taking up much of my time for the foreseeable future.
This was my only issue in this whole story.
I'm not gonna be the one to open the can 'O' worms for what is said here.
All I will say is that you may wish to reword this to avoid said Can 'O' Worms
I noticed some typos. I wish I wrote them down, unfortunately other things were on my mind while reading this. It was just too damn important not to read right away! And then my heart exploded from the d'aaaaaawwwwww.
Ugggg! Why do all the good stories keep ending!
Im running out of reading material!
Rarity went nutso...
I can understand it but it still felt slightly out of character for her. It added dramatic weight but I can't see her snapping like she did at innocent ponies.
Otherwise, I liked this last chapter. Also, I chuckled at Twi's reaction to Celestia hearing her.
"deciding to be gay," as mentioned. Also, yoyalty. Otherwise, well done.
Amazing tale, O great wordsmith. Pray tell you have more fables to spread amongst the Bronies!
In all seriousness, great story. I think everyone, homosexual or no, can relate to the hidden anxiety and stress that being in love can bring. Again, fantastic fic.
2299973
This pleases me.
This is one of two Rarilight fics I am following that updated today.
Needless to say, it is a very good day.
Thank you for such a wonderful romance story. This is undoubtably one of the best Rarity-Twilight fics I've read. There is not nearly enough of this pairing out there.
Very good and I'm sad to see it end.
Great finish!!!
I think I'm on the other side from Yourbronygod, but I loved the conversation with Belvedere. Whether you decide to be gay or just decide to act on existing feelings, it's a hard thing to do. Very sensitively dealt with, god work!
2300115
You're smart. This is why I need proofreaders sometimes, because then I don't stumble into potholes like this. Thanks for pointing this out!
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Thank you, all of you! This story was a pleasure to write, and yes I know, I get sad too when stories I love come to a close. However, I still have an epilogue to write to tie up some things (Spike, especially), and on top of that, I might occasionally write something small, a slice of life bit, because I love these two. That, and I'm a huge sucker for adorable scenes, so pretty much it'll be a complete diabetes-fest.
2302640
Well, my future plans are really just one epic-length adventure, Twiluna, dark-fic I have going. Not sure if its your cup of tea, but to each his own, eh?
2300853
Verily, good sir. Feverish ambition hath overtaken me, and I have been roused by passion for Twilight and Luna to depict them in the most unworldly epic, where the soon-to-be lovers amidst the ravages of feudal conflict.
I'm glad to see Rarity finally working things out in her head. Another great chapter.
This was quite good. I did greatly enjoy it. Perhaps this is just me being greedy for more though I don't know it feels a bit incomplete to me. like it needs one more chapter, and afterwards perhaps showing things moving forward, or perhaps the last segment from Twi's POV. No matter what though still quite enjoyable and good.
So started reading this last night and just finished it. was very good. going to look over your other stories and will follow.
Hmmmm...
I've seen the big "character X comes in at the very last second to convince their love they're genuine" climax more times than I can readily count. That's kind of all I got off the top of my head.
That was a quite a good lil story, you really made the relationship between Rarity and Twilight feel natural and have impact. It does have some problems though, some of your sentences are structured weird and you seem to have characters jump to locations sometimes. The biggest problem I see is Rarity being constantly paralyzed by fear, I think you need to show more of the stigma against same sex relationships, you have the mane 6 playing spin the bottle earlier and that implies that there really isn't one so that aspect of the story kinda came out of no where. A simple flash back to when she was in Canterlot and she saw some model or something being outcast would be enough.
This story.. Oh my God, this story.
I don't think I've ever been as enveloped in a fanfiction as much as I had been in this one. Just.. Perfection down to the last sentence. The pacing was perfect, you captured both of their personalities and actions perfectly, and the romancing scenes were just.. Perfect. My creative writing professor once told me "every so often, you'll find a story that you not only enjoy and can see in your mind.. You become part of that story; you live the story, you feel emotion from every scene, you become part of the story." This was that story. If I could do anything more than favorite, watch, and thumbs up, I so desperately would. Thank you so much for this story that's nothing short of incredible.
2327488
Aww, thanks mate! I really do try to pour as much effort and creative juice I can into my work, all to bring out the emotions and scenes as vividly as possible. So, it makes my day when someone can connect with my story on such a level that they feel a part of it. Truly, it's one of the best compliments I've gotten on my work, and I feel humbled to have someone enjoy this piece to such an extent. Once again, thank you!
Wow soo beautiful!
I got all teary eyed at the arrival for the speech moment.
endings to a shipping story I have ever read.
I can tell you now that this ending chapter is one of my favorite
On a lighter note,
I really thought the humorous parts towards the end really helped to tie down the tensions and doubts in their relationship problems, and those moments had me feeling all the emotions that you put into this ending.
Bro-hoof* to another lovely favorite story of mine by a great author.
Song to fit the emotion and grandeur of the story perhaps:
I noticed these quite clearly when reading and it tore me out of the story. The first because I have no idea what you are trying to say, and the latter was just to close to let it pass by. Also you replied to someone else's comment about the " decide to be gay" line as of you were going to change it but it remains, son. . . whatevere you decide there. I enjoyed the story as a whole though, it was well done and well polished.
2343759
Nice catches, mate. All were a result of poor editing on the re-reads. I fixed them up, good as they should've been.
And the "decide to be gay" line... Yeah, I kinda read over those comments absent-minded and didn't really comprehend what was wrong. But now I think I get it and have fixed it. I'm not gay, so I apparently took a wrong turn with that line, not knowing I had metaphorically driven off a cliff.
I was so agitated by Rarity's self-destruction that I would get legitimately mad every time she drew herself further away from Twilight.
Of course, this was just a sign of how much you made me care for the characters.
The resolution of this story, because of all the hardships, was incredibly satisfying.
You've done a wonderful story here, and you should be proud.
The most I can do is say 'thanks'.
Thank you for an amazing, and truly emotional, read.
I just finished it a few seconds ago. Really great fanfic, thank you for good times with it. I even cried at the end.
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It's been brought to my attention before, and I've fixed it on the last five chapters.
At the time, I thought a slight degradation from her formal personality would give some more flavor to her- I don't know... Anxiety? Insecurity? I was a silly writer in October.
"like a discomforting, slouching rainbow that forgot what colors went where"
This is the best simile that has ever been written.
I adored every inch of this amazing tale, and look forward to relishing more of your indescribable awesomeness.
2475101
Aww, thank ye kindly. I was rather proud of that line.
2467060
And speaking of lines I'm proud of, that's up there too. I highly doubt Rainbow brushes her teeth.
Beautiful, simply beautiful. A fitting end to such a moving tale.
Bravo, simply bravo.
Bravo good sir! Shes a fine ship if i do say so myself. HMS Rarilight has made another spectacular voyage
However i was expecting a bit more.... kink from a story named Restraint
Ha! The "after moment" with Celestia had me rolling!
)
Okay, the characters remained true to their personalities throughout (which is a surprisingly "rare" {see what I did there?} occurence, and there was plenty of personal turmoil and self-realization, with an interesting moral.
This fic was a "diamond in the rough" (okay, no more Rarity puns, sorry
Greetings ! I voice that you are probably not the kind of person comfortable with eulogy, yet please forgive me if I lavish praise on your story.
My favourite romance tale ever read here. The characterization and the psychological depth you managed to give to our two unicorns were impressive. I could really sympathize with Rarity’s struggling, caught between her social standards, self-consciousness, and her irrational passion for her friend. The kind of circumlocution you used to slowly depict her love and her moral dilemma to the reader was expertly handled.
Your writing is subtle and graciously worded. The most impressive thing about it is that your style manages to be sophisticate without being heavy, a remarkable achievement. Not to mention I learnt lots of new words! (Did I mention I’m French? Well, any new words are valuable to a student in literature…
)
It was the third story I read on Fimfiction, and I happened to read it again one week ago, then realized I had never thanked you for it.
What’s to say? I love it.
Oh, and the dates were unreasonably cute. This made Rarity’s break up even more painful. I admit my weak heart could hardly stand it.
But the trait that really attracted me to this story was your style. It’s delightful to read you, I mean it.
I know this look crudely thrown-together, but you can only do so much while not being a native English speaker and while you have a tendency to unreasonably love beautiful tales! (I couldn’t resist using your own words, hehe)
Not much left to say. Thanks for the tale, keep up the great work, keep loving writing, because we’ll keep on loving it. I will start reading Kinetics as soon as I have a bit of free time. (i.e : not before months)
Farewell!
Twilight and Rarity pretty much stated all my thoughts about this story in Chapter 5:
I pretty much have nothing else to add.
This was a very satisfying conclusion, and the writing is amazing. Rarity's insecurities feel like real, physical obstacles and makes it feel like a real victory when Rarity overcomes them
This was a very satisfying conclusion, and the writing is amazing. Rarity's insecurities feel like real, physical obstacles and makes it feel like a real victory when Rarity overcomes them