Chapter 5
The brush seemed to almost flow through her mane as she made the final touches. An extra touch of perfume on the neck, and a tug on the scarf so it fit snugly around her.
“There we go.”
Stepping out the door, a cold breeze pricked against her skin. As much as Rarity hated the chills and the wind tussling her hair, she couldn't help but also feel how clear and clean it all felt. She could almost hear herself think, hear the bubbling stew of emotions in her gut. The conversation at the Sugarcube Corner was stressful to say the least.
”It was almost like they were arguing for me.”
It was like a chemistry solution gone wrong, all of her previous anxieties sitting precariously on the edge of reaction. Then come along two new ponies who add another element to the mix, and suddenly the whole solution froths and bubbles violently, its contents spilling over the edge. She had cried once she got home, wallowing in a pool of melancholy for hours.
”But today is a new day... A day that I can try to be better, start off on the right hoof.”
She smiled faintly as she walked down the street, her scarf waving at her side. Even with what happened yesterday, today is a day with Twilight. That made everything much more bright and interesting, even if she couldn't cope with her feelings. It was still worth it.
”How can this be? How can one other pony who drives me simply insane also make me so happy?”
Should this even be happening? No matter how many times she had gone over it in her head, she still couldn't figure out why she was drawn to another female. So much of her life she spent dreaming about that one stallion in her life, telling others about him, almost knowing him. Yet now it was as if fate had played a cruel joke and overdosed her on love with a mare.
”It isn't fair!” Rarity pouted as the library came within view.
Or was it? Maybe she had set herself up for it, wearing the ultimate disguise so well she couldn't even see her own emotions before being thrust into a time of turmoil? But if that was so, then why couldn't she just tell Twilight? She was certain Twilight found her good-looking, but some vestige of heterosexuality kept her inches away from revealing her feelings, just out of grasp.
Rarity shuddered as she thought of opening up to Twilight. Or maybe it was the bone-chilling wind; she couldn't tell. As she approached the door of the library, she forced herself to calm down.
”Whatever happens, happens.”
She knocked on the door, the sound echoing throughout the empty afternoon air. The sound of hoofsteps grew louder within seconds. The doorknob turned and creaked. The door swung open.
“Rarity! How are you?” Forelegs wrapped around her in a hug. A cute giggle erupted as the voice continued, “You didn't bring any wine, did you?”
Rarity giggled back and blushed. Where was she again? She muttered something amounting to a dismissal.
“Well, come on in! It's freezing out there!”
The world snapped to focus. Twilight was standing in the doorway, waiting for her. Abruptly, Rarity trotted past Twilight into the main room. “Right! I do so love my scarves, but it was simply not enough out there. I am absolutely frigid!”
Twilight shut the door and walked up to Rarity. “Here, let me get that for you.” She said as she magically helped her friend take off her scarf.
“Thanks, dear. By the way, I must say it is so quiet in here. Where's Spike?” Rarity asked, looking around for the young dragon.
“Oh, he's out in Canterlot for the day. I guess the School for Gifted Unicorns wanted to check up on him or something.”
“Ah, I see.”
“Well, why don't you go make yourself comfortable in the room over there while I get you something to warm up with?” Twilight nodded over towards a sideroom.
Rarity smiled and headed off towards the room. She had never been in here before. Curiously, she pushed the door open. It wasn't very large, with not much but a couch, coffee table and a small bookcase along the wall.
”Twilight has a couch? This is new.” She raised an eyebrow, yet walked over and sat down on it. It was a little old, but also worked in and incredibly comfortable. As she settled in along the nook of cushions, she glanced around the room. Why had she never been here before?
The room was much like the rest of the library, with wooden walls and floors, yet it also felt much more snug and homely. An ottoman rug was underneath the coffee table, and a small painting was perched on the wall above the bookcase. She was pleasantly surprised that Twilight had a small part of her house sectioned off to be comfortable, because this room definitely was.
The door creaked open, and Twilight's cute face popped out. “Do you like it in here?”
Rarity glanced around her, taking a second look at the room. “Why yes I do. Darling, I had no idea this room even existed.”
Twilight placed down two mugs on the table and sat down next to her friend. “Oh, well then welcome to my reading room!”
“Reading room?”
“Yeah,” Twilight smiled. “It used to be a supply room, but since nopony needed it, I changed it into a room where I can read, comfortably and undisturbed. I haven't shown it to anypony, because, well,” she looked to Rarity, “I usually don't read with another pony.”
The white unicorn smiled back. “What's in the mug?” she asked, changing the subject.
“Oh! I almost forgot!” Twilight magically grabbed both and handed one Rarity. “I don't know what you like, but I hope it warms you right up!”
Rarity looked into the cup. ”Oh, this is too cute,” she thought. The lavender mare had made them hot chocolate with whipped cream; admittedly, it was a nice change from the wine they had shared before.
“This is perfect, dear,” she remarked before taking a sip. It tasted alright, with Twilight not being known for her culinary skills, but it was warm, sweet and made specially for her. That was really all she needed or wanted.
“Really?” Twilight asked, not trying to hide her surprise. She took a sip of her own. “Well, I don't see what's so great about it,” she remarked as she shrugged, “But, I gu- Hey, what's so funny?”
Rarity was trying her best to suppress her laughter with a hoof, but it clearly wasn't working. She pointed with her other hoof at Twilight's face. “Oh, you just might have a little something on your nose.”
Twilight crossed her eyes as she looked down at her nose. Whipped cream coated it's tip before the mare quickly wiped it away with a napkin. “Oh, haha, would you look at that!” Twilight blushed. “Looks like I got careless and forgot my manners.” She didn't wait for Rarity to answer. “So, want to talk about the book?”
“Oh but of course! Do you have it?”
Twilight looked over to the bookcase and floated that same green book out of one of its shelves. “Yeah, I've kept it safe and sound since I've brought it home.” She scooted a bit closer to Rarity and opened it up to a page. “Ooh! There's one part I wanted to go over... Umm...” She skimmed the page. “Right, here it is!”
~”Charity trotted up the steps of the cathedral, entering the nave quietly. A few others were sitting in pews, but they all seemed to be lost in their own meditations. She slowly made her way up to the sanctuary when she saw him. The same stallion who had helped her in the market three days ago, was now kneeling a few feet away from her, praying silently near the altar.
'Should I thank him?' Charity asked herself. 'But... Even though he saved me, he's of lower class. Father would be livid if he knew I had been conversing with a simple urban dweller.'
Silently, Charity moved over to a nearby pew and began to pray. The handsome stallion would have to go unappreciated.”~
“This made me soooo mad!” Twilight exclaimed as she finished reading. She held a hoof to her heart. “I mean, so what if someone else thinks it's not right of your class or stature! It's the right thing to do!”
“Y-yeah, I hate that too!” Rarity put in meagerly.
“I know! Why bother keeping things up on the inside instead of just telling that certain pony what you need to say? It's just outright frustrating!”
”This is not happening! Do I really not give Twi' enough credit and she's just teasing me, or is this just pure coincidence? Rarity debated. This whole conversation seemed to much alike to her own problems, and now with Twilight's thoughts on the subject it only made them worse.
The rant continued for a few minutes, with the white mare simply nodding in agreement or mumbling about how Twilight was right.
“Well, is there anything else you want to talk about?” She asked, trying to get off subject as Twilight finally calmed down.
“Oh, yeah! There's this one part...” Twilight began eagerly flipping through the book once more.
Rarity heaved a sigh of relief, with her emotional torture alleviated.
-~-
Twilight put the book down and stood up stiffly, stretching luxuriously. As she did, her stomach gave a growl. “Oh, haha, look at that... I must be hungry.” She blushed and looked away.
“Hmm...” Rarity tapped a hoof to her chin. “Well, if you want, I think I could come up with something.” She looked to Twilight. “Would you mind if I made us dinner?”
“Oh, that sounds great right now!” Twilight's stomach gave another growl. “Y-yeah, right now as in right now.”
The fashion designer giggled and nodded. “Don't worry, it's actually quite simple and quick. If you could just help me find the ingredients around the kitchen that would make my task much easier, too.”
“Alright, sounds fair to me!”
Minutes later, Rarity had Twilight dashing around the kitchen. “I need three eggs, some basil and pepper, and half a cup of flour for the sauce, Twilight dear!”
“R-right...” Twilight huffed as she tore through cabinets. She quickly grabbed the eggs, basil and pepper as she trotted over to Rarity. Suddenly, an egg slipped from her grasp and splattered on the floor. “Oh darn! Hold on, let me clean this up.”
“No time!” Rarity proclaimed, watching a pot boil. “I need to start making the sauce as soon as I put the pasta in the pot! Just give me those two eggs and what else you have, then grab the last when you get the flour.”
Twilight sighed and nodded, floating the ingredients she had over to Rarity. Racing back to the cabinets, she roughly measured out half a cup of flour and fished another egg out with her magic. Dashing back over to Rarity, she exclaimed, “Here it is, the last egg and flou- whoa!”
Neglecting the broken egg on the floor, the lavender mare slipped and fell. The flour flew in the air and got all over her face, while the last egg landed with a crack on her horn.
“Twilight-” Rarity looked over. “Oh my gosh, are you okay darling?!” She trotted over to her, putting a hoof on the downed pony's shoulder.
“Ughh...” Twilight tore the egg shell off from her horn. Her mane was a mess, a mixture of egg and flour caking it along her coat. “I... I think I need a bath.”
“Yes... I think that'd help.”
Twilight slowly got up and walked slowly towards the stairwell, looking annoyed. Then she stopped and glanced over to Rarity. “What, are you just going to sit there?”
“Umm... Well, I thought I'd clean up the mess in here,” Rarity responded, slightly confused.
“Oh no,” Twilight almost giggled as she wagged a hoof at her. “You pretty much caused this mess,” she pointed at her mane, “So you have to help clean it up too.”
-~-
“Right... So why do I have to help again?” Rarity asked as Twilight stepped into a warm bath. “Not that I mind,” she put in.
“Because, first off, you did tell me to forget the egg I slipped on.” On that note, Rarity's stomach dove with guilt. “Second, because I've never been good at getting messes out of my mane, I think you'd do a much better job.” Twilight sank into the water, leaving her head to rest against the edge of the tub.
“Well, I guess you have a point... Making ponies look fabulous is indeed my specialty.” Rarity chuckled.
“Right! Exactly what I was thinking.” Twilight pointed over to a nearby counter. “The shampoo and conditioner are over there.”
Rarity picked the two bottles up and examined them. They looked familiar for some reason. In fact, very familiar... “Oh, Twilight, I never knew you used the same hair product as I do!” She squeezed a bit of the shampoo into her hooves and began to rub it into the other unicorn's mane.
“Well...” Twilight started abashedly, “When you told me at my birthday sleepover that my mane was really soft, and how you asked me to try out the stuff at the spa, I decided to get it.”
Rarity smiled as she finished working the shampoo into Twilight's hair and then started to rinse it out. “So, you got it because I said so?”
“Well... Yeah.” Twilight tried her best to pass it off casually. “I just value your opinion higher because... You know this kind of stuff, I guess.”
Rarity moved on to using the conditioner. “Thanks... But what about dinner? I am ever so sorry that I ruined it for you.”
“Oh, that's really nothing.” Twilight shrugged. “Besides,” she glanced at a nearby clock, “It's not too late, so I guess we could go out to eat. Truth be told, I'm not in the mood to cook anymore.”
Rarity herself looked to the clock. ”Nine o'clock? Hardly anywhere will be open by the time we get out...”
“I know, let's go to 'La Chianti', that new place that opened up a few weeks ago!” The mare in the tub suggested.
“Is it even still open?” The white unicorn asked. “Besides, that place is pretty expensive, I doubt it'd work... We'd have to put on something presentable and hope there's a spot open.”
“Oh, that's no problem!” Twilight looked up and smiled as Rarity finished with the conditioner. She obviously really liked this idea. “I welcomed the owner to the town a week back, and he told me if I ever wanted to pop in, he'd find me a table.” She shrugged. “I dunno, I guess he must have really liked the gift basket I gave him. “
”Or maybe it's just because you're really, really cute.” Rarity held her thoughts to herself as she answered, “Well, okay, but still I have to run back to my house and put on something to wear... You know I can't go out without looking in style.”
Twilight giggled. “Yes, I know. So, why don't you head back home now and I'll stop by and pick you up on my way over? And don't worry, I'll put on something nice too.”
Rarity smiled back, before stopping for a second. The seeds of an idea formed in her mind as an uncharacteristic, mischievous grin replaced her warm smile. “Well, this certainly does sound great, Twilight. But... Is it just me or does this sound a lot like a date?”
Twilight Sparkle shot up, sputtering and coughing. “Wait, what?!” she squeaked. “I-I didn't! W-why would I want to go on a date with you?”
Rarity feigned a pained expression as she put a hoof to her chest. “That hurts, dear... I was simply asking a question.”
“S-sorry!” She took a second as she stumbled with her next words. “I mean, yeah, maybe a date would be nice... But you just caught me off-guard!” Twilight exclaimed as she put up a hoof in defense.
“So...” Rarity made it seem like she had to think long and hard over the words. On the inside however, she had to do all she could to stop from giggling. “ So, you do want to go on a date with me?
Twilight squeaked once more and blushed. Then the other mare burst out laughing and the world snapped into focus for the purple unicorn. She had been beaten, and all she could do was hide her face and sink further under the water.
“Well, call it what you will, but I'll head home now and pick out something nice.” Rarity gave her a hug as she continued, “See you in a bit, Twilight.”
-~-
Rarity walked into the posh restaurant with Twilight leading her in. She glanced ahead, to notice the pretty mare dressed in a cute, deep blue dress. ”Since when did she own this?” Rarity had thought when Twilight came to her house earlier.
The white mare herself had donned a purple outfit, but her eyes were only focused on Twilight's. It was a little new to see her in such a way, her simplicity phased out for something dazzling and captivating. Blue was a bit of a stretch in terms of complimenting either her eyes or mane, but for some reason it worked. Not to mention it was a little tight around her...
”Eyes off, Rarity,” she scolded herself. ”This night has only gone too well for you to ruin it.”
“Hi there!” Twilight called out as a younger stallion approached the entrance. “Remember me? I'm Twilight.”
“Ah yes, but of course!” He replied in a slight accent. “How are you?” His eyes lit up as he noticed her stunning attire.
“Oh, I'm doing just fine!” She replied in her sweet, cheerful voice. “I was just wondering if you could still find a table open, like you told me before.”
He cleared his throat. “Oh definitely, miss! Is it just you tonight?” His eyes flickered over to Rarity for a brief moment.
“Oh, no.” Twilight shook her head, then turned around and smiled to Rarity. “I actually brought my friend out for dinner. Antonio, meet Rarity.”
Antonio's smile weakened slightly at those words. All the same, he nodded to her, “A pleasure, madam.”
Rarity grinned right back. “Quite so.”
“Anyways,” Twilight continued, “Thanks a lot, sorry for asking on such short notice.”
“Not a problem,” he replied, much of his excess charm gone. “Come on, your table should be ready by now.” He quickly grabbed two menus. Twilight gave Rarity an excited look as they both followed him.
“Alright, I simply have to ask,” Rarity began with a chuckle as Twilight finally sat down, after once again thanking Antonio before he left. She really wanted to change the topic. “How quickly did you read the rest of the book?”
“Oh... I finished it the morning I got home from your house.” Twilight said abashedly.
“So much for romantic novels being cheesy and fake, right Twilight?” Rarity pushed. The lavender mare gulped. “Admit it, you like them.”
Twilight hid her face behind her hooves. “Okay, fine! Yes, while the story doesn't have the best plot or characterization, it's like there's something else to it that I can't escape and I just find myself growing very attached to.” She looked up. “Is that bad?”
Rarity smiled and shook her head. “No, that's the point. A good character and a deep storyline aren't all that necessary when you snare the pony reading it with talk of love and emotions.”
“Oh.” Twilight said that as if she already knew it but didn't want to believe it. “Does that mean I'll start turning into some sappy reader that cries on every page?”
“Oh, heavens no.” Rarity giggled and dismissed the notion with a wave of her hoof. “That's my job. But still, it isn't wrong to admit you indulge in reading about love. It's perfectly normal; I know Fluttershy reads them, and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if some of our other friends did either.”
“Even somepony like Applejack?”
“Well, yes, I guess even she could.” Her heart tweaked slightly as the pain from her previous encounter with the orange workpony rushed back into consciousness.
“Wow!” Twilight nearly jumped off her chair. “Now it all makes sense!”
“I-it does?”
“Yeah, when Applejack and Pinkie Pie came over yesterday, AJ kept eying this book. She probably wanted to read it!”
“Pinkie Pie and Applejack went over to your house yesterday?” Rarity froze. What could they have possibly talked to her about?
“Yeah... They were kinda acting weird. They kept telling me to 'be myself' and that they'd 'accept me however I wanted to live my life'.” Twilight threw her hooves up in utter confusion. “Then they asked a few weird questions and left. Honestly it was so random and odd I had no clue what was happening. The left as soon as they came, like they were uncomfortable or something.”
“W-what kind of questions?” Rarity asked. “Did they seem mad at each other?”
“Oh, not at all!” Twilight replied. “They actually seemed to be on the same page, when I think back on it.”
“Oh...” ”Well this is an interesting turn of events,” Rarity thought. “So, what questions did they ask?”
Twilight waved a hoof in a flustered fashion. “Oh, it was nothing, you don't need to know.”
“Please?” Rarity pried. “I promise not to tell anypony.”
The royal pupil gulped. “Alright... Well, how do I put this...” She exhaled deeply, before unleashing a quick stream of words, “So they asked me if I was interested in mares and when I said yes then Pinkie Pie asked what mares I thought were hot and when I didn't answer she just started laughing and I was so confused!”
A nearby pony cleared his throat. Rarity looked over to see it was Antonio with a tray. He probably heard the entire stream of words from Twilight.
”Hah! See? This girl is mine.”
“Sorry if I was interrupting something... But here are your drinks.” He then added with a half-smile, “On the house of course.” He quickly set down a bottle and two glasses, before leaving them to their conversation.
“So, what mares do you think are attractive?” Rarity asked as he left. “Oh, and I won't be offended if you don't mention me... You already told me that before,” Gently teasing Twilight was so fun.
If the purple pony could have gotten any redder on the cheeks, she would have been a tomato. “Wh-what!?” She burst out. “Wh-... When did I ever say that?”
“Oh right...” Rarity smiled casually. “Yeah, I forgot to mention before... That you might have blurted that out when you were drunk.” Twilight groaned and placed her face on the table. Her admirer reached over and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Don't worry dear, it's quite alright. It's not like it's the first time I've been told that.”
Twilight looked up from the table slowly. “But from a mare?”
“Well, I guess you do have me there.”
“Right...” Twilight sighed. “Anyways, enough about me. How about you, Rarity?”
The mare in question tossed her hair and winked, still in a teasing mood. “What about me?”
Twilight chuckled embarrassedly. “No, I mean what stallion do you have your eye on now?”
“Oh.” Rarity looked away, a dangerous topic coming up. “None, really.” She gave off a disinterested tone.
“Nopony? Come on, it seems like you always have a dashing buck you are interested in.”
“Yeah well, not anymor- I mean, not now,” Rarity tried to correct herself.
Twilight looked up quickly at her, a glimmer in her eyes, before she returned back to her normal self. “Oh, well then I'm sure you'll get through it.”
Rarity tried her best to smile at her. “I hope so.”
-~-
“Oh no!” Twilight cried as they were walking home from the restaurant. Bellies full and just a bit tipsy, the night had been great. Except now it was starting to rain.
Drops splattered against their dresses and hair, their subtle pattering picking up speed. “Come on, quick!” Rarity said, thinking on a dime. Not the most ladylike plan formed in her head, but hopefully it'd get them out of the rain in a speedy fashion. “Your house is just up the road!”
Rarity took Twilight by the hoof and charged off down the street with her in tow. “Whoa, hold on! Not so fast!” The lavender mare giggled. Her laughing was infectious, and soon her friend found herself doing the same. The drops were becoming bigger and bigger, the nighttime sky dumping out onto the town.
“No time!” Rarity giggled back. Their hooves splashed in the growing puddles, the library getting closer and closer. Coats, dresses and manes completely soaked, and yet neither seemed to care in their fit of energetic, giggling ecstasy. The day had moved so fast, so quick, so perfectly that even the fashionista didn't mind that her well-styled hair was now plastered against her neck.
”Since when did this all happen?”
But the library was only yards away now, no time to think. Within seconds they had reached the sanctuary underneath the alcove near the door. Both panted, out of breath and out of control. The night had exploded and neither knew what to do with themselves.
“So, here we are...” Rarity began, looking to Twilight. The cute mare's mane was soaked, slicked back as droplets fell from the tip of her nose. Her fancy attire was drenched and probably ruined. But she was smiling radiantly, energy sparkling in her expression. Time seemed to sit still.
“This was all... Oh I don't know, this was some of the most fun I've had in a while.” Twilight panted. She wrapped up Rarity in a wet, tight hug. “Thanks,” she concluded as she let go.
Rarity looked to her. Twilight looked back. Tension hung in the air heavier than the humidity before a summer's storm. Even the rain seemed to stop and wait for something to happen. Where were they, even? ”She looks so pretty...”
Rarity thought she could feel herself moving forward. Closing in, getting nearer to her. But in the back of her mind, she knew she wasn't. She couldn't possibly kiss her. Could she?
“I-I should get inside and dry off,” Twilight broke off awkwardly. The tension snapped and the pattering of rain returned. Suddenly they reappeared in front of Twilight's door.
“Yeah, right.” Rarity smiled. She reached over and opened the door for her. Light poured out in front of them.
“Oh, thank you,” Twilight remarked as she walked inside. “Goodnight, Rarity,” She said, as she turned around and smiled at her.
“Goodnight,” Rarity responded, before closing to door carefully. Even without the romantic end, the night had gone better than her wildest dreams. Honestly, who would have expected it to be so?
The door caught just before it closed completely. Twilight popped her head out. “Hey, Rarity?”
The white unicorn was caught completely surprised, only managing to mumble, “Yeah?”
“I know I said it before, but thanks. A lot.” And with that, Twilight reached over and pecked her on the cheek.
Before Rarity could fully tell what had just happened, the other mare had managed to blush profusely and slammed the door shut.
Rarity fell straight on her rump, splashing right in the middle of a puddle. The gears churned in her head slowly, overloaded by sheer emotion and temporary incomprehension.
Suddenly the world around her exploded. The moon became brighter than the sun, the puddles looked like flowerbeds and the rain morphed into something magnificent and wonderful rather than depressing and sad. She touched a hoof to her cheek.
Rarity stepped out into the ongoing shower. With a grin on her face, she began to happily stroll through the downpour, relishing every minute of it. Walking home through the rain suddenly seemed like a great idea.
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I don't know what exactly to feel about this one, so much stuff going on. I felt it was time to move the story onward, so I hope I did it right. If you do find something wrong or funky, let me know. I'll be happy to fix or explain it.
Do go on.
Did Twilight just send Rarity home in the rain?
She didn't seem to mind but still, kinda rude aint it?
Siiiinging in the raaaaain, I'm siiiiinging in the raaaaain, what a glooooorious feeeeeling, I'm haaaaaappy again....
Nice chapter, really enjoying this one thus far. Haven't spotted any significant errors here, and am looking forward to seeing where this one goes. Keep it up!
D'aww, this chapter was just the definition of adorable! I loved reading it and almost can't wait for more!!
Excellent work, just like your other chapters!
I think you did do it right
I wasn't expecting that outcome at the end; felt pretty overjoyed that it did. Couldn't have been more picturesque to a wonderful night.
How can one other living being who drives me simply insane and yet also makes me inexplicably happy all at the same time?”
This seemed a bit odd. I understand it but I think it needs to be rephrased.
Oh how I hope things soon come to light with Rarity's emotions, yet.....how I do not since once they are shown the story will start to go toward the end. *conflicted on wanting to have this drag out or see the wonderful and cute couple action soon.*
I agree with bubbleberry with sending Rarity home through the rain being a little rude xD
Besides that it was pretty cute.
My suggestion is letting Rarity stay until it is dry or letting Twilight giving her an umbrella or something like that.
*grabs the popcorn* Dat sexual tension.
1481334
I know your pain. I was originally going to have this chapter actually span two, but then I realized I couldn't have these two dance around each other for so long.
1481383
I'll be completely honest, I never realized how rude that scene could be taken as. I kinda maybe got too focused on using the rain from Rarity's perspective that I forgot about Twilight.
Besides, she's already soaking wet. I guess by then a kiss is better than an umbrella?
1481230
Nice catch, I agree with you. It does sound a little... Weird. Fix'd.
1481604
Ok you do have a point there :P
Do want more~
Part Way through: So spikes at Canterlot...somethings going to happen that's for sure.
Finished: Im liking the way this story is going
Oh, this is wonderful! I loved the addition of the character 'Antonio,' it really added some humor into the mix.
Although I have to agree with some of the other comments as to it being kinda rude to send Rarity home in the rain... But it's not that big of a deal.
It was really good overall, and I can't wait to see the next chapter!
Gotta agree with the majority on the 'sending Rarity home in the rain issue', but aside from that it was very sweet.
I read the end as Twilight being a bit flustered by the awkwardly silent "and then they kissed" moment and so fled inside without really registering that she was shutting Rarity out in the rain. I doubt she even remembered it was raining until she came down from the high of giving Rarity a peck on the cheek.
Regardless, cute stuff!
Oh, she's siiinnnnginng in the raiiin! She's siinging in the rain! Oh what a feeling it is to be singing in the rain!
roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-celebrity-pictures-yes.jpg
1485234
Thanks for spotting all those errors. Editing and proofreading never was my specialty, and I've gone and edited most of them. However, you seem to have misinterpreted a few things.
"Okay?" is just that. An alternative to a "So? Go on."
I quite like the "eye-dialect". I used to not do that when I first started writing, but a lot of people got on my case for it, and I've since warmed up to writing with it. It's a signature way to distinguish out AJ, and it captures her drawl nicely. I understand if you don't like it, but I prefer it. It's not meant to make her seem any less intelligent or coordinated (or subtly put in any sectionalist prejudice), it's just her.
"Ah dunno, Twi', this experimentin' yer doin' here seems pretty dangerous," versus " 'I don't know, Twilight, this experiment you're doing here seems pretty dangerous,' she said with an authentic country drawl." The former is less confusing and distracting, I believe, because then you determine accent mid-speech instead of after (in which case I personally have to go back and re-read the dialogue in the correct accent). Nevertheless, its your opinion and you're certainly allowed to voice it.
After getting my first submission rejected by EqD a year ago due to comma overload, I've since been using them more realistically than grammatically to cut down on their usage (mainly for pauses in speech). Sometimes you say "Hey man, what's up?" with no pause between the 'Hey' and 'man'. If I am going for a pause in between those, then of course a comma would be added. But sometimes it seems awkward and choppy when I read it out loud, so I take out the initial comma to fit the parameters I have for the specific line.
And yes, you're right about the ellipses, I probably should not capitalize after I use them. But the nit-picky side of my brain deems that I should capitalize anyways and drives me crazy if I don't. It's relatively minor and I see it more as a matter of taste, so I don't give it much thought. The same would go for how much I use italics, I probably shouldn't use them as much. But it's more of a matter of taste. It doesn't inhibit your understanding of the story at all.
Once again, thank you so much for pointing those out!
GOAL! Ok rarity now just real her in.
Oooh boy, y'all are in for a treat today!
I had a free night, and I decided to go for an entire chapter in one entire night. Y'know, like a test to see if maybe I'm over-thinking things in my other chapters when I write. So please, tell me how I did! If you liked it, I might start writing more like this; less time poring over single lines and paragraphs and instead just barely refining what comes out of my head. For five hours, thirty-six hundred words isn't so bad.
Same drill as always, feel free to point out what you like, don't, or notice is wrong! I personally think you'll have a chuckle from this as long as you aren't hardcore canon-Fluttershy fans. If you are, well, sorry then! Fluttershy is actually a really fun character, and sometimes it's nice to bring her adventurous side out (like a very diluted version of Dragonshy)
1481063 Exactly.
I love this story! the ending to this chapters was simply epic to say the least. It can't get much better! About time they both got giddy enough to make a notion of approval from both of them. woot!
Funniest moment of the story so far:
Blue was a bit of a stretch in terms of complimenting either her eyes or mane, but for some reason it worked. Not to mention it was a little tight around her...
”Eyes off, Rarity,” she scolded herself. ”This night has only gone too well for you to ruin it.”