Mann Vs Mane

by dudenotactive

The Comeback

Team Harmony was... surprised to say, they were all tired.

The Equestrians gathered in the break room after two humiliating rounds, both of which were bulldozed by the BLUs faster than Dash could fly.

The humans destroyed them, and now they're down by two points. Heck, they don't even understand how they lost.

One time Rarity managed to find the Soldier fiddling with the BLU dispenser, and just as she was about to strike, Soldier unclipped both his grenades and blew himself up along with Rarity who was in the middle of decloaking.

"Come 'ere cupcake." Those were the words he said to her before the explosion consumed them.

Rarity... Well, Rarity doesn't see any problem with that encounter, Soldier was an utter lunatic and he blew himself up just for fun. Pinkie does that on some occasions.

Now they all sat in the break room, all bothered by their defeat. At this rate, they might as well forfeit. Their hope dwindled, so is their support from their peers. This was one mess that was difficult to clean up. Dash was on the edge of depression while Pinkie was in denial. The party mare kept on going about strange conspiracies that would explain their situation. One of them was about how Pyro and Autumn were secretly Asians and had telepathy. This in turn caused Pinkie to attack Autumn believing that the kirin was a spy for the humans.

This ended badly for Pinkie, of course, Autumn only needed to set the pony ablaze to shut her up.

And Applejack of course drank herself into a coma, buried in empty bottles.

"I just don't get it, they're definitely cheating but Discord isn't doing anything!" Spike complained to the others. "That Sniper knew where Rarity was at the beginning, and she wasn't even in a disguise!"

"Not just that, they knew where we were most of the time," Twilight added. "It just doesn't make any sense to me."

Rarity scoffed, smoke exited her lungs as she did. Like everyone else, she was completely stressed out due to the results of the previous rounds, so much that she smoked her cigarette directly without a pipe. "I thought you two were the brains of this pathetic team, if they were truly cheating then Discord would have disqualified them with a snap of his talons."

"She's right y'all," A bottle shattered as Applejack rose from her slumber. "now Ah don't want ta' admit it, but these rascals are ain't cheatin'. Urp!" She then collapsed back into her coma.

As they conversed, Pinkie still burned as Autumn sat close to her to feel the warmth of the flames.

Suddenly the doors opened, all eyes faced towards the entrance and found the Engineer who stood there with a blank face. He cleared his throat into his gloved fist. "Howdy, y'all,"

Pinkie's charred body shot up with a shovel in her hoof. "Saboteur!"

"Oh, hey Engi," Spike greeted back. "what brings you here?"

"Well it's lunchtime and none of you were in the cafeteria, so I figured that I'd be a good neighbor and bring y'all some food." He said with a smile as he pulled in a trolley filled with food, no meat of any kind.

"Trying to bribe us!?" Pinkie pressed the edge of the shovel against Engineer's throat. "Well you best believe that none of us will fall for your American ways, for we are the final Bastion against the tyrannical tide of Democracy! Know this, we ponies are made of literal steel! We are not made of rainbows and glitter! We may fart rainbows on some occasions, but that does not make us any less intimidating, for you see- wait, are those cupcakes?"

If there were any, then they'd be gone by now as Pinkie swiped every single cupcake on the trolley. It happened so quickly that Engi was still perplexed by the pink menace. Then that confusion subsided as he remembered what he was there for. "Ahem, I know it's kinda early to do this but, Heavy told me somethin' interesting. I would like to offer all of you a place in Mann Co if you were to lose the game of course. I don't mean any ill will, so please forgive my brashness if I offend."

"That is honestly nice of you," Fluttershy thought. "b-but, if we were to lose, I don't think I could ever accept."

"Fluttershy's right!" Dash said with fury in her eyes. "She won't accept because we're gonna win this game, and you know it!" That wasn't what Fluttershy meant, but she couldn't correct her friend.

The Engineer chuckled, amused by Dash's determination. "Just reflect on that offer, I would actually like to fight side by side someday." He then left them to eat their lunch, his words still lingered in the air.

Honestly, they were tempted to just call it quits and join Mann Co. But their pride was too much for them to choose the coward's way. As they gathered around the trolley so they could fill their stomachs, Spike felt Engineer's words echo in his head. It repeated over and over, and he felt the doubt in his heart grow.

"Here Spike, carrot stew." Twilight served him a bowl.

"Jeez, Twilight, I'm not a kid anymore. I kill people on a daily basis."

She tutted. "Don't sass me, I allowed you to have that robotic claw, so you better put up with my smothering. Now here's a spoon made of crystals."

He accepted the utensil with a frown. "Fine, thanks..." He then returned to his side of the room eager to eat(?) his soup. Maybe it's drink? Meh, it isn't his job to figure that out, he was hired to build sentries, not wondering whether you eat soup or drink.

He watched as his team restored their energies for the next round, sadly if they lose once more then their chances to win would be as low as Spike's stature.

"Reflect on that offer..."

Engineer's voice returned, Spike furrowed his brows as he stared into his bowl. Would he really just give up in order to keep his job? Well, that would be up to Twilight whether she accepted the offer or not, where ever she goes, he follows. Spike and Twilight were like two peas in a pod, you can't just separate them so easily, she'd need him to grow up into an upstanding dragon first.

"Wait..." Spike muttered. "Reflect?"

He stared at the spoon-shaped crystal that he planned to snack on, though it glimmered in the light, Spike could see his face in the utensil. It was like a mirror, one that reflected all light.

"That's it..."

Rarity caught his muttering this time, she turned to him with an arched brow. "What is it, Spike?"

"I think I know why we're losing!" He shot up loudly, which startled Applejack back to life.

This caused a few smiles to crack. "Well, don't leave us hanging!" Dash wanted to know, she needed to do so she could finally beat the other scout.

Spike smiled, he felt his brain bulge with how smart he was. This discovery may be what they need to turn the tides.

---

The blue team was now in defense, Sniper perched himself upon the clock tower which had a good view down the first two points. His rifle rested against his shoulder as he waited patiently.

Discord counted down, the Blue team gathered their forces for one more battle. The previous two were easy, but none were keen to relax.

Though Scout was usually the gloating type, he was for once professional in this round. Heavy and Pyro stood closest to the spawn room. Spy remained by the Engineer, he waited for an opportunity that would surely show itself to the Frenchman.

Soldier had prepared a series of plans to bury his opponents in rubble, while Demoman and Medic took their time to build up Medic's Uber.

"3... 2... 1..." Discord chuckled deeply as if he knew how this round shall go. "Begin!"

The doors opened, Heavy revved up his Gatling while Pyro stared blankly at the spawn room. Scout moistened his lips, truth be told, he felt nervous and was unsure of himself for once.

Sniper glared through his scope and waited for a target to pop out.

Wait, is that... polka?

Pinkie Pie shot out of the spawn room on a large drum, tuba in hoof as she peddled backward. The humans as well as the audience were caught off guard as Pinkie played music, Scout tried to shoot her down but she was too quick for his shotgun. But due to the distraction, none saw Dash entering the field, she flew out and towards the sky.

She scaled higher and higher, just for one reason only. It was too late for Sniper to step in as Dash twisted around to plummet towards the earth, not just any place, but the clock tower Sniper was in. A single boom cracked through the air, Sniper looked up with awe as a rainbow streak shot towards him.

The Medic and the others watched as Rainbow Dash collided with the clock tower which resulted in a massive explosion. This was the cue the others needed, the rest of the Red team flooded out of spawn to face the distracted humans.

Scout saw that he was at a disadvantage so he opted to run back to Engineer, but a lasso caught him by his thin waist and was pulled harshly towards the Red spawn, courtesy of Applejack.

"Woah Nelly! Got me a shrimp!" She taunted as Scout was pulled into a layer of sticky bombs.

Meanwhile, Spy stared slack-jawed, he was shocked that the Red team changed in tactics. "I knew that we could not simply depend on the silly idea, Engineer, move the sentry back to the next point and wait for Scout to spawn, I'll give you some time."

"Aw shucks," The Texan chuckled. "thought this was gonna be a walk in the park!"

---

"W-what is this!?" Iron Will exclaimed. "There's something different about team Harmony, but Iron Will cannot figure it out!"

Discord's smirk grew into a crescent smile. "My good friend, it would seem that team Harmony had figured out why they lost the first two rounds, and honestly, I am glad that I'm not the only one who knows now!"

"Well spill it out, Discord! The audience is as confused as Iron Will is!"

"You see Iron Will, our universe- the one we are in, not the original MLP:FIM one- we are nothing but a copy of theirs, TF2. Though we have our personalities, our story is written to be the same as TF2. So by default, team Fortress is practically fighting themselves. As said by Engineer in chapter 5: Sentries and Wrenches."

This only caused even greater confusion in the arena as the battle went on.

"The humans are fighting as if they were fighting themselves, that is how Sniper knew where Rarity was at the start of the first round. Team Harmony is the counterpart of team Fortress, their skills are similar in every way, and their experiences are completely identical! Cupcake monster incident, bread monster incident, the list goes on." Discord chuckled.

"Pretend that Iron Will understood all of that, what changed exactly?"

"What changed?" Discord laughed at his question.

Twilight Sparkle used her telekinesis to toss Spike towards the enemy with a toolbox over his shoulder, Soldier felt the metal box on his face as Spike landed with his shotgun ready. A sentry expanded from the toolbox right on top of Soldier's corpse.

Applejack utilized her lasso offensively, anyone who was unlucky enough to get caught was pulled either into her traps or the other members of team Harmony. The chaotic party pony continued with her little musical number, she rolled about with her tuba and was an untouchable target who dodged and weaved around bullets.

Celestia watched as the team she depended on started to make some progress as if the Equestrians were playing a whole different game. Even Olivia was astonished by the development. As for the CEO of Mann Co, he was simply impressed.

"Finally, some action!" The Australian laughed. "Thought this whole thing was going to be boring, glad I was proven wrong!"

Discord eyed both teams carefully, an amused glint within his eyes. "What changed you asked, Iron Will? Well my friend, 'know thyself, know thy enemy' is the saying I am looking for. Team Fortress simply needed to think about themselves to win the first two rounds, they asked themselves what they would've done to defend the points, and with that, they predicted every course of action that team Harmony did. Spy believed it was a perfect idea to wait on top of the spawn exit, so he told the others. The same went for Sniper, Fluttershy's location was practically known to everyone in Blue team."

"I see," Iron Will hummed. "So team Harmony decided to do the same, but instead opted to change their plan to be unpredictable! Iron Will is impressed!"

---

"Reflect... mirror, we are not the originals." Spike said. "Without our personalities, we are just copycats. That's why they knew how to beat us!"

A missile whizzed over his head, the sound of metal against metal was drowned out by gunfire and explosions. The sentry beeped to life and was ready for relocation.

"Need ammo here!" Dash requested.

Spike smirked as he ran over to his dispenser, though it was a terrible idea, he set a box of ammunition aflame with his magical fire. Usually it only works for paper materials but he had enough experiments with his teleporter in his time which earned him a few tricks.

"Incoming!" Big Mac warned Spike as a rain of pipe bombs approached.

The young dragon showed no signs of cowardice, he simply used his dragon's breath to heat the bombs until they detonated far from his buildings.

"But we are more than team Harmony, we are a diverse group of individuals with different characteristics! Pinkie loves our country, but deep down all she wants to do is have fun and start parties! Fluttershy doesn't like killing, she's the kindest pony ever so her methods are all humane and merciful. Twilight is more than just a mad scientist, she's a powerful mage trained under princess Celestia's wing.

Applejack and Dash are rivals, but those mares work well together like two oiled gears in a clock. Rarity got an eye for detail, she's an artisan who would never overlook even the tiniest of mistakes. An opportunist who'd take advantage of your weakness. Big Mac, silent muscle, not much to say. Autumn? Heh, none of you humans have seen anything yet, she is a real force of nature especially when she's mad.

And me? Heh, if anything, I'm the smartest dragon on the planet."

"I see," Spy muttered in Spike's voice.

The dragon knew that the Frenchman was there all along, which explained his long monologue. "Pretty cool right?"

Spy scoffed, his elbow pressed against the dispenser. "Instead of fighting as mercenaries, you fought as yourselves. Pinkie Pie is out there making herself an even bigger fool than she already is, while the tiny Texan pony is utilizing her lasso skills against us. And from what I can tell, your sniper is somehow stunning my team with a single glare."

"You've seen nothing yet!" Spike said ominously.

"I must admit, you've caught me off guard. It appears this fight will take longer than expected..."

The Spy in disguise vanished from thin air. Spike eyed the spot where Spy was with a curious look. He shrugged his shoulders soon after and returned to his little nest where his allies could seek safety. Somewhere on the battlefield, a man from Texas felt a small tinge of pride, this battle would've ended differently if it were not for Spike's discovery.

Team Harmony is a mirror of team Fortress, but they have their own life and personality. Some similarities could be shared, but many things would set them all apart. Scout has his Tom Jones collection, Dash has her Sapphire Shores.

Applejack had yet to convert her organs into a distillery, while Demo had already learned the ability to change his saliva into liquor. He's just a few steps away from turning his brain fluids into alcohol as well. Twilight had magic and is immortal thanks to her being an alicorn, while Medic simply bargained some souls to the devil just to keep himself alive. Rarity makes her own fancy clothes and Spy had to buy his.

The list goes on and on, but by the end of the day, they were all different in their own special ways. Unique and diverse, one could even distinguish them apart just from their silhouette alone.

Comments

[Joe Toon]

11093283
Why does that sound familiar?

[hamster wizard]

Twilight has finally killed Soldier, cementing her place as prettiest unicorn.

[dudenotactive]

11127405

https://m.

[FoldabotZ]

I realize and understand what you did here. Every TF2/MLP fanfic has portrayed the Mane 6 plus others exactly as the Mercs, that they might as well be those characters. Ignoring the stuff that make them different. Essentially, you're portraying the MLP characters as themeselves, approximately, and assume the role/class of the TF2 Mercenaries.