Mann Vs Mane

by dudenotactive

The Living Bread

"What's happening now?"

A scout looked away from his television, an engineer greeted him. "The Red team is fighting back," He answered the question as the smarter of the two humans sat down. "It started to look like a snooze fest so this change is welcome."

"Hot dang, look at them go!"

"Yeah, those idiots really have a lot of work to do if the Reds keep this up."

"Hey, Applejack and her team are finally fighting back!"

"You're right dear brother of mine, this game is not as one-sided as I had first believed!"

"Hey, did you two hear anything about that disturbance in the minefield?" The scout turned towards the two additions in the room, just to find out that they were two unicorns. "Wait a minute!"

Blood splattered on the television as two shotguns popped. "Aw great, I was watching that!" Flam complained as he could no longer see the game.

"Are you two idiots done?" Tempest entered the room just to check on the twins. "We still have a few more rooms to clear before word gets out that we broke into their headquarters."

"Just clearing up room after room, boss!" Flim told her before he turned towards his brother. "Hey, how long has it been since we actually killed people?"

Flam took a second to think. "Well outside the games, we mostly just swindle other ponies and the last time someone crossed us was about three years ago... Huh, I honestly feel kinda bad killing these humans..."

"Eh, don't worry about it!"

"Pea brains, enough chatter!" Tempest snapped at them, they acted obediently as soon as her voice was raised. "Suri found something!"

The twins followed their leader through the bloody halls, humans scattered all around, nothing but corpses after the successful infiltration of team Villainous. Once inside, the Equestrians launched their surprise attack on anyone in their way. It was bloody, the humans were caught with their pants off and had no chance of fighting back.

They cleared out most of the base without even alerting anyone, and it was all thanks to a small dosage of changelium, a strange substance given to team Villainous to aid them with the job.

The three arrived at a large empty room with an even bigger vault door, locked beyond their power. But it would seem Suri Polomare had already started decoding the door so her team could pass through. That was when Tempest knew that whatever was behind it was vital to their plan of destroying Mann Co. Also to note, this place was so heavily guarded that they could pile up every corpse in a corner, enough to reach the lights.

The rest of the team gathered behind their spy, they waited silently to not disturb Suri as she worked.

"Why are we here again, boss?" Blueblood wondered.

"Luna paid us to seek out the deeds to both her territory and her soul, and return it to her. Also destroy everything along the way, which we already have covered. I gotta say guys, good hustle out there!"

Suddenly, the exit closed on its own, the team took on a defensive stance and the walls started to move. Soon it was revealed that behind it, was thousands of teleporters all neatly placed in several rows. They lit up to life, then something shot through every single teleporter they could see.

Confusion caught them all, unsure of what this had hoped to accomplish.

"What's that? Some sort of weapon?" Gilda inquired about.

"Think it counts as a UFO..." Blueblood commented.

"Suri, how are you doing back there?" Tempest asked as her concern for their safety grew as time went on.

"This thing has so many locks, you'd have enough to feed a hundred orphans!" She snapped at Tempest as she continued her work. "Shut up, I need to focus darn it!"

"Hurry up, I don't like where this thing is going!"

They traced this object through its journey, teleporter after teleporter. When it finally reached from start to finish, the object disappeared entirely. This was not a sign they could trust, nor would it put them at ease.

"Up top!" Trixie warned as the ceiling itself split apart.

And from a secret room above them, came a giant monster of gluten. Though this was their first encounter with this beast, they have seen a variant of such a monster. A giant loaf of bread, teeth so large that it could grind stone to dust, and riddled with tumors. Tentacles whipped about with no discrimination, only the desire to cause pain upon their enemies.

"Suri!" Tempest called out, her Gatling roared to life and was ready to spit out fire made of lead.

"I'm working!"

Team Villainous prepared themselves for the fight of their lives, Discord had no clue of their little project, so dying was not recommended for them. The only pony who'd help them would be Twilight Sparkle, and no one was eager to wake up from the dead with five new heads.

Tempest barked out orders as the beast approached. "Twins, set up a nest, and use the panzerschreck! Gilda, Blueblood, light the fuses and attack it both on the nine and three o'clock! Dust, gun it down!"

"Right, don't choke pretty boy!" Gilda teased as she flew over to a better angle. To which Blueblood only scoffed at her.

"Starlight, you and Sunset are on the front, keep it in place while Trixie and I hose it down with all we've got. And air blast any rockets that go off course if you can!"

"Thought this was gonna be easy!" Sunset grinned wickedly.

Starlight sighed. "It never is..."

The two mares then charged forward with a war cry that could rival thunder. Sunset bathed the bread monster in fire, the beast roared in pain as it slowly toasted. It tried to swipe at its attacker but every tentacle that grew too close to Sunset and Starlight was only shot out of the air by Trixie.

The twins managed to set up their turret faster than a bullet due to pressure, Flim immediately manned the gun after and flooded the monster with waves after waves of bullets. Meanwhile, his brother prepared every rocket launcher in their inventory, those that were given to them to use against targets too strong for their machine gun.

With a mix of explosions, the beast slowly retreated, but not out of fear, it spat out hundreds of eggs onto the floor. Sunset looked on with disgust while Starlight was feeling more curious.

From the eggs came true horror. Hundreds of little bread monsters hatched from the eggs and crawled towards them.

"Who knew weaponizing bread could be so effective!?" Flam laughed as he shot another rocket at the beast.

"You're telling me, dear brother, that just means Pinkie was an actual genius!" Flim pointed out. "A cupcake monster would be great if we can control it!"

"Cut the chit chat ladies, and keep shooting!" Tempest scolded them.

"Ugh, these things are gross!" Lighting Dust commented.

Their wrath continued to fall upon this monster and its brood. The little critters managed to hook onto a human corpse in the room, and fear grew in their hearts as the heavy class they'd killed earlier reanimated in front of them.

The zombie started shooting at them and they were forced to back off. To make matters worse, the little monsters went after the other corpses and used them as puppets.

Tempest smiled as she mowed down the bread, her gun was like a sickle on a wheat field. Trixie was forced to use her machete as the swarm approached them far too quickly. Suri ignored everything just so she could focus, she trusted her friends to protect her.

As the zombies neared, Gilda and Blueblood had to discard their explosive weapons in fear of splash damage, they were on them and it would be unwise to use their primary. Starlight continued to heal her team, she did her best to keep them from death's embrace. Lighting Dust flew over their heads and shot any rocket jumpers out of the air.

This was certainly the greatest time of their lives.

Comments

[Heavy759]

Good old bread

[hamster wizard]

Flam took a second to think. "Well outside the games, we mostly just swindle other ponies and the last time someone crossed us was about three years ago... Huh, I honestly feel kinda bad killing these humans..."

At first my brain thought "ah yes, a reference to the time since a major update." But then I remembered:

The Jungle Inferno Update was a major update for Team Fortress 2 starting on October 16th, 2017

;-;