The Disastrous Adventures of Crew-T

by TheMajorTechie

I whacc u with batt

Author's Note:

[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]

You know, the story that I consider my best was written based on 2 What If questions.
1) What if Luna had either a child or somepony who she cared for like a child?
2) What if King Sombra had a lover (NOT Radiant Hope from the comics) who tried to help him take over the Crystal Empire?

A bat pony OC called Moonlight proceeds to completely destroy FiM by helping King Sombra take over the Crystal Empire, falling in love with him and befriending as many villains as possible to wind up Sunbutt. But although she can't decide if she's a Mary Sue or a Villain Sue, she's pretty serious about annoying Sunbutt. Plenty of jokes about being banished to the sun/moon/Tartarus/Limbo/Humanverse/Canterlot Garden of Statues included, because the villains are a bit fed up that this keeps happening to them and they want revenge. Look out, Trollestia.

kk, time to ignore everything and slam face on keyboard. I am not reading a 90k-word fic for this. :P

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"I said no."

"Are we--"

Zoey was ejected from the ship. No imposters remain.

Zoey watched her evil clone float off to who-knows-where. "Sooo... where are we going?"

Plissa shut the airlock. "I don't really know myself, to be honest. I've just been following the markers on the map that the CC gave us. According to that thing, our next destination is some place where a guy named King Sombra took over a place called the Crystal Empire. I have very vague memories of the place, though I don't quite know where they come from..."

...

...

So anyway, we've already spent too long on this before-chapter scene, so by the power of awful narration, the ship has now landed on yet another incarnation of Equestria. At least this time nothing was on fire. Yet.

"Hey, why's Celestia so angry lookin'?" Slissa asked, unaware that she canonically has no idea who the heck Celestia is.

Celestia frowned harder. Moonlight the bat pony OC continued to wreak havoc on the land without Crew-T's involvement. King Sombra was there too. He was eating nachos, because that's what I'm imagining him doing right now. I may be slightly hungry.

Let's see now... blah blah blah, Crystal Empire is now under control of Sombra, Moonlight and Sombra are probably kissy-kissy with each other... ah yes, the other villains.

This is where the author takes a moment to think about what villains there are, as he has mentioned many times before that he hardly cares about canon and in fact hasn't watched most of the show outside of a couple of seasons.

Queen Chrysalis landed face-first on the side of Crew-T's ship like the bug on a windshield that she was. Plissa rolled her eyes and turned on the windshield wipers.

"You're gonna turn into a garden gnome for that," Kween Crispylisp growled. Butter Knife silently thanked the gods above for having a different character be terribly misnamed.

Plissa raised a brow. She turned the windshields to the next-highest setting, watching the wiper blades repeatedly smack the furious Bug Queen across the face.

"Listen up, ol' buddy ol' pal," Chrysalis teleported inside the ship, looming over an unamused Plissa. "You are going to get your friends back into this tin can of yours, fly away, and let me and my friends continue wrecking Equestria. Capiche?"

Chrysalis suddenly found herself gagging in a cloud of bug spray. Do not mess with the closest thing this story has to an annoyed parent.

"Look, guys, I'm being banished to the moon!"

Butter Knife froze up at the sound of that voice. Every hair on her body stood on end at that horrid, horrid voice.

Moonlight hopped off the back of the motorcycle that I am now saying that she and King Sombra ride together, sauntering over to the pony by the name of Ego Boost that was currently being shoved down a yeet cannon.

"Tsk tsk," she said in a tone that probably is the farthest thing from how she actually talks. "Shouldn't have gotten in our way."

Ego Boost was then fired out of the cannon. Shickle Shackle breathed a sigh of relief before glaring through the fourth wall at me, the narrator.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot that Celestia is there. Well, I suppose she's even more annoyed now that somepony else is using her yeet cannon that was built specifically for firing Luna at the moon all those years ago.

It is here where the author has now realized that head empty smooth brain plus sleep deprivation equals no more ideas. Let's revisit the title of this chapter.

Moonlight the bat pony OC now has a wooden bat. She is about to commit assault and BAT-tery. Because that's exactly what a villain would do. I think.

Dear Celestia I need a break from everything school related.

Comments

[Angel Midnight]

This made me laugh so hard I cried. I haven't done that in a while, so be proud of yourself.

[TheraseVoidCaller]

Oh yeah, I almost forgot that Celestia is there. Well, I suppose she's even more annoyed now that somepony else is using her yeet cannon that was built specifically for firing Luna at the moon all those years ago.

Lol

[TheMajorTechie]

10764828
One Lisa is from Pony-Me, the other is from Splintershard.