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TheSpoopyTechie


back on that midterms grind... ◈ Brain Cell Donation Fund!

E

What happened to Crews A through S? We don't speak of them.

Read the disclaimer at the very bottom!

A mysterious organization known only as "The CC" emerged mysteriously on a mysterious night with mysterious motives. Their goal? To explore what was never explored before.

The problem? They've sent out nineteen exploration crews, only for each and every one of them to go missing. Also mysteriously, mind you.

And now, with their twentieth attempt in Crew-T, maybe something interesting will finally happen...

A play on the concept behind GMBlackjack's League of Sweetie Belles.
A sidestory to What If...

CONTENT WARNINGS: the complete and utter annihilation of the random tag, OC abuse, and the loss of readers' braincells. Also, the Crackhead Coalition.

Pay me money so I can buy new brain cells.

Submit your story down below with an embed, along with the worst summary you can think of, and I'll consider writing a chapter or two around it! I'll be sure to extract maximum clout out of the resulting garbage-tier horsewords. I can guarantee you that I will judge your story off its cover, yoink said cover and write a chapter knowing absolutely nothing about your fic except for the cover. That is your anti-quality guarantee.

(Also if you want I might also take What If-style suggestions.)

Disclaimer: I may turn down your suggestion for any reason, be it personal or technical. This entire story is written as a parody of anything and everything, so long as permission has been granted beforehand in the form of posting your story link in the comments. Expect your fics to be thoroughly mauled.

Read this story on Offprint!

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 104 )

10640451
Could you give me a terribly-made summary of the story? I'm basing chapters almost entirely off of story descriptions for maximum terrible-ness.

10640452
Hmmm... Well big ship go boom, random dragon assistant survives, tries to figure out how to leave planet only covered in water. Also finds out a certain scared, yellow pegasus survived as well.

Was that bad enough?

I gotchu

"Lightning, we need to be going up not down!"

So is it pronounced as "crew dash T" or "Crewt"?

10640474
CrewT, a badly-written pun on "Cutie"

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/471617/the-harmony-crusade

40k and fallout inspired story. Pony with guns shoot. Also pony space marines, but no outer space.

10640452

This fic is peak Techie haha.

My fic:

EThe One Pony You Never Prank
Rainbow Dash accidently pranks Celestia. Her life is basically over.
Deep · 31k words  ·  1,084  114 · 12k views

If the actual description isn't terrible enough:

Dash pranks Celestia with a cake. Celestia pranks Dash back by making her public enemy #1, fugitive, wanted criminal, etc. Story was only supposed to be a chapter long. Everyone eventually becomes so out of character that I have Dash acknowledge how all her friends are acting bonkers. Story ends with Celestia basically being, "It was just a prank, bro!"

Let me know if this isn't dumb enough haha.

10640561
much more clout than anything i have written myself.

yes, I will very much enjoy yoinking your views :V

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/486757/rules-for-bodyguards



Shining Armor has the hots for Cadance but feels bad because his girlfriend just dumped him, also randomly assassins will try to kill Cadance. It happens on a boat.

I only have one story that got featured:

ESweetie Belle Gains a Soul
In her darkest hour, Sweetie Belle finds salvation, but it comes with a terrible curse.
Bad Dragon · 132k words  ·  161  38 · 5.2k views

In a world where everypony is a psychopath, our psychopath heroin wants to achieve her goal by any means necessary, as psychopaths do. In her attempts, she achieves the opposite due to her ineptitude and other psychopaths who stand in her way. But with the help of a psychopath soul, she will show everypony what happens when you stand in a way of a psychopath.

TSpike's Civic Doodie
Spike is left alone in the library to guard the Elements of Harmony. Knowing that there is a good chance of a changeling infiltration, Spike prepares an unusual defense. One that Queen Chrysalis will remember for a rather long time.
anotheraccount · 2.6k words  ·  22  2 · 798 views

Spike clogs toilet and weaponizes farts!

...I'm sorry :raritydespair:

I can guarantee you that I will judge your story off its cover, yoink said cover and write a chapter knowing absolutely nothing about your fic except for the cover. That is your anti-quality guarantee.

Here is the cover
the mane 6 are each a diffirent Mix-Race,
and they are now all going to a new school where nothing makes Cents

Full Size Art here

TMoonRacer: The land of misfits.
how would the story have been different if the mane 6 weren't 100% ponies
NicLove · 38k words  ·  21  1 · 706 views

and the cover of the other story
a Folle is both a Colt and a filly, and goes around doing both

This is going to be absolutely awful, I can tell I’m goign to love it.

My one featured story is not ripe for being destroyed, but I do have another one I think would fit.

Reinventing Music: an HiE in which a very egocentric human lives through parts of a story that rip off O Brother Where Art Thou and Yesterday, with an obligatory money-hungry record exec and an obligatory touring sequence (heavily simplified, of course).

TReinventing Music
John Mercury is a human that has landed in Equestria. Sorely missing his music, he decides to take the step and bring it back.
Dashie04 · 14k words  ·  20  3 · 589 views

All right then, here you go

So a man who always wanted to go to equestria has been beaten and mistreated by its residents, now he only wants revenge against them, and is willing to go to any length to get

That is if the pony’s could stop dragging him back to apologize

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/185453/it-never-really-ends

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/485459/typing-a-lot-of-things-as-cozy-glow

In which three imprisoned stooges troll each other with dead memes in games of Solitaire.

"Ayyyyy," Butter Knife placed her hoof on the other Lisa's shoulder. "Welcome to the dead parents club, Lizzo."

Every Disney princess is an unofficial member.

What is going on? I don’t have the slightest clue. I just slapped a cow!

The pile of ashes burst into flames, reassembling bit by bit into a now-clearly annoyed Butter Knife. She pointed a hoof at Sweetie Giraffe. "Alright, listen up, tall girl, I'm the boss around here."

This part amused me the most.

Time to put the fic I have the most sentimental attachment to on the chopping block!

ESilent Wings
Silverstream hadn’t always been deaf, but she'd always had a loving family who were willing to support her every step of the way. Gallus had always been deaf, and wasn’t so lucky.
Nitro Indigo · 7.3k words  ·  49  2 · 787 views

Bad summary: Silverstream’s eardrums explode from an unnamed disease that may or may not be meningitis, which eventually leads to Terramar becoming a pariah and befriending the lonely kid at boarding school.

Well, I guess I'll have to submit... This...

TDiamond of Darkness
My name is Diamond Tiara, and this is the story of how I became a Succubus Royal in another universe...
alfonso_rd_33 · 38k words  ·  17  12 · 661 views

As for Summary: Diamond Tiara as a Demon Princess also Tatsurou's PWNYverse

10640451
Using yours first, since you're the first to comment. What are your thoughts on an overwhelmingly large load of granola bars?

Imagine listening to that depressing Kraft commercial song as Sweetie Giraffe got yeeted

Also:

G R A N O L A .

Absolutely perfect. This was very funny.

TMy little Sunspot
We have all read the stories about a human waking up as N.M.M but what if that human woke up as their fiery counterpart
LSTS Connor · 54k words  ·  970  85 · 15k views

Smol Fire Child had a bad time because she ate cookies. And also turned a desert to glass because fire is h o t.

Best worst summary I can think of XD

If This does is acceptable pls fucking annihilate it. This is story is making me lose so many braincells that i have now come to enjoy it and want to be left as a living carrot because of it. I can be unplugged from life support happily if it is because of this story

because I never specified what kind of hitch was not included.

That’s actually pretty funny.

Also, it took me a while to realize that Mary-Sue Stabby is female. Oops.

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The Red Parade would hate this.

I love it.

Welp this also makes my top 10 favorite fimfics. I love shitposts this is absloute perfection.

I can’t tell any difference between this and FO:E.

Gosh darn those Radscorpions, always sneakin up behind you just to get "completely and utterly demolished" by them.

Dunno if this can be spoofed, but here's one:

TSamneo: The Earth Pony
It was a regular day, until a stallion named Sam, mysteriously showed up. He has no memory of where he was from, not even knowing what a Cutie Mark is! Soon Sam must discover who he is, and defeat the coming darkness that threatens Ponyville...
Samuel-Neocros · 46k words  ·  9  4 · 1.5k views

I'm not sure how to properly give a bad description, but I'll give it a try:
A random dude is on an asteroid and lands in Equestria right outside Twilight's Castle, Starlight shows concern for him and in the next scene the Earth pony doesn't know what a Cutie Mark is. Then some guy with a sword comes over to Twilight's castle, and the earth pony transforms into my OC and the two fight. Oh, spoiler warning, the guy was sent by the Earth Pony's ex-girlfriend.

Want a longer description?

Comment posted by HeartfireFirebrand deleted March 1st

10702077
Might wanna put that in an embed instead of a direct link. Fimfic doesn't like direct links to mature stories.

Also, elaborate on the "but they would die" part?

10702079

[Adult story embed hidden]

Well the characters are really strong and would not appreciate being messed with.

10702080
But Butter Knife lives forever and the rest of the characters get plot armor because I am writing a terribly story of terribleness where nothing bad happens to my characters but everything still goes wrong anyway and--

*the entire spaceship explodes*

10702082
I wonder if they can survive the concept of their existence removed from reality?

10702084
I, the author, shall write them back into existence! By the power of plot armor and melted brain cells, they shall live on!

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