Hey friends,
First, I hope you got the photo. Thought I’d send it ‘cause you probably never thought you’d see me dressed like that, so it’s not that I sent it to impress anyone.
Second, by the time you receive this, I’ll be in Canterlot this coming Saturday afternoon. The buddies in my platoon are planning a day out away from the Academy, so if you want to meet up, you can find me in the main square. Hope you guys can make it, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you.
Till next time,
Gallus
Walking around the main square was Gallus, he orbited around a giant water fountain that stood on the jade stone ground at the centre surrounding the grand buildings covered with pure white, regal purple, and stunning gold. The blue griffon looked around like a hawk, rousing the suspicions of the posh ponies walking past, as he hoped to catch even a speck of orange scales, cyan chitin, brown fur, a lime green coat, or bright pink feathers.
It felt like a good idea to him, Gallus hadn’t seen his Ponyville friends since the end of winter, and why not have even a few hours just to hang out in Canterlot on one of his days completely free of classes and drills.
As a bonus, his friends in the platoon also had plans in Canterlot as well. Lightning Dust and Pound Sterling had tickets to Cloud Stadium to see races and a show. That sounded like the perfect combination given Lightning Dust’s passion for flying and Pound Sterling’s boisterous sporty personality.
Scythe wanted to visit the public library, to research something that had been on his mind. The others thought it was odd considering the Academy had its library, but Gallus recalled that Ocellus was a passionate book bug and Princess Twilight’s love of books, so it wasn’t unfounded that a visit to a grand library would be worthwhile for some.
Nicknames wanted to look through Restaurant Row, an avenue for the best fine dining in all Equestria with restaurants and bars down there, to find the best place for the group to eat once they all got back together later in the evening. He also wanted to check out a vintage comic book shop along the way, “a library that isn’t full of nerds” as he described, the others winced as the irony was lost on him.
For Gallus, his plan was for all of them to spend some time together in the morning, split off in the early afternoon, then come back to have a meal out. It would be during those few hours away that he could finally meet up with his friends, catch up, and introduce them to the platoon. It was perfect.
The day was going well too, from the moment they finished having breakfast, they all flew together up the mountain to the entrance of the city. Nicknames took the lead while Gallus and Scythe stayed near the back as they traversed around the high streets and quarters, looking through the windows and joking about the fancy and trendy items that cost way more than most of them could afford.
The group had lunch at this large café that specialised in a vast selection of doughnuts. Its owner was an overly boastful large unicorn named Joe, who was as eager to show off a photo of a young unicorn Twilight Sparkle as a customer as he was with his confectionaries. Although doughnuts didn’t sound like a normal kind of lunch, the average pony diet tended to skew on the sweeter side, and Joe did have a decent selection of doughnut sandwiches that felt appropriate. Besides, after months of a snack-free protein-heavy military diet, the sweet treats were welcome.
Once they went their separate ways, Gallus decided to do what he said he would in his letter earlier in the week, hang around the main square. The griffon had high hopes that his friends would turn up, he knew his friends would go at lengths to see him during the winter, so surely, they’d be willing to travel on a Saturday to Canterlot to see him.
Although, it’s also true that he didn’t get a response from his letter, or any of the others from that term. As Gallus made laps around the water fountain, watching the foppish unicorns going by, not seeing one of his friends, Gallus’ stare grew tired. Through his search and all the ponies that passed his line of sight, he couldn’t recognise his friends.
As he stopped at one of the corners of the main square, taking a break to rub his eyes in frustration at the thought that he was wasting his time, a particular building caught his eye. Whilst many of the buildings were rectangular, this one had a cylindrical feel to its shape. Its windows spanned most of the front of the building with rows of dresses on pony mannequins, and its front door had its window display in the shape of a heart.
Even by Gallus’ standards, the orchid building was picturesque, its shape and the row of ponies around it gave it the impression of a carousel, a Canterlot carousel, a Canterlot Carousel Boutique. That was when Gallus realized why the building caught his eye, it was one of Professor Rarity’s fashion shops.
He could feel a tinge of curiosity, Yona works for Rarity. Sure, she worked at the boutique in Ponyville, and the fashionista also had another shop in Manehatten, but the odds that Yona decided to work in Canterlot to see Gallus? It had to be three to one at best, Gallus figured those were good odds.
He went up to a heart-shaped window, peering around to see if there was any familiar looking figure with hooves moving around one of the mannequins. The tint of the window made it hard to make out clear details, but after a while of gawking, a figure did catch Gallus’ eyes. A rather large figure, with shaggy fur, and two looping braids framing her face. Atop the head of the figure were two large curving horns, too many for a unicorn.
“Is that…?” Gallus had to confirm, so he pushed the door open, which was met with the ring of a tiny bell over him. No longer obscured by the tinted window, Gallus could finally see the figure in full detail. The olive eyes, the striped horns, that green shawl on her back. “Yona!” he called out with joy and relief, confident that it was the yak he knew.
The yak’s eyes perked, followed the turn of her head to look towards Gallus, and her eyes stretched wide. “Gallus!” she exclaimed, jumping back a bit before her smile caught up with her. Gallus flew closer to Yona, but before she could greet him, she grabbed him with his hooves and pulled him into a tight hug.
“Yep, I missed this,” Gallus remarked with barely a gasp in his voice, even as his chest was compressed, he felt relief at an experience that felt like old times. Even more, it’s a relief when Yona soon let go of the tight grip in exchange for holding Gallus up like a giant doll with both her hooves at arm’s reach.
“What Gallus doing here in city? Thought griffon was in Academy.”
“It’s my day off, I was hoping to hang out with friends in Ponyville,” answered Gallus. After the excitement of reuniting with a friend had settled, he quickly realised something was off about Yona’s surprise and eager questioning, such as how she didn’t know he’d be in the city to see her and the others. “Didn’t you know…?”
“Oh, Yona sorry, Yona didn’t know Gallus’ plans,” Yona hurriedly admitted, as she dropped the griffon for him to land on his feet. “Yona been here in Canterlot for two weeks now, so no hear from Ponyville.”
“Oh, so are you here because of work?”
The yak nodded. “Yona working at Miss Rarity’s Canterlot Boutique, learn the business side of fashion.” A sound explanation, if Yona had been working in Canterlot, she wouldn’t have been aware of any letters to Ponyville. Given the delivery service, any news from Ponyville wouldn’t have reached Canterlot for at least a day.
It also felt impressive, Yona being given a job and place to stay in Canterlot to help give her experience. “Huh, so your apprenticeship is going well.”
Yona nodded once more, with a wider smile on her face. “Yona in good hooves, Miss Rarity cover all bases.” Gallus couldn’t help but agree, given that Yona’s working with the professor and element of generosity. From the look of things, Yona was being treated better in fashion than Gallus in the military.
“Oh, Miss Yona,” a classy voice sang out from the other end of the boutique, a tall bright blue unicorn calling for Yona’s attention. As stunning as she looked with her purple shades and streaks in her long orange mane, she appeared to manage like a boss with a clipboard around her hoof. “When you’re done with those dresses, the suits on the second floor need to be cleaned and sorted by colour,” she instructed Yona.
“Yes, Miss Saddles.”
Yona’s upbeat demeanour had damped a slight bit, a hint of hesitation from the yak, causing the wheels in Gallus’ head to turn. “So, have you made any sales since you’ve been here, or have you just been sorting the clothes since you’ve been here?”
Yona’s lower lip started to tremble. “Yona’s seen sales, but…” however the lips eventually curved down, her voice lowered to a grumble. “Pony customers here rather than talk to ponies.”
Gallus felt disappointed, he looked around to see that the two were in a corner away from the counter and changing room, he figured that someone being taught in sales wouldn’t be hidden away during sales. “That sucks… you still get to make dresses while you’re here, at least?”
Fortunately, Yona let out a slight nod while her head was kept low. “Miss Saddles lets me spend half-day designing dresses in Miss Rarity’s studio,” she acknowledged, giving at least some assurance that this store manager is at least treating Yona like the apprentice she is. “Miss Saddles provides good feedback and helps put dresses on display.”
Yona then turned her head towards a dress that was two mannequins behind Gallus, pointing at the window, out towards the ponies passing by on the high street. When Gallus turned around to see it, and while Gallus knew almost nothing of dresses outside of a generosity class, the dress Yona looked at stood out from the sequined and glistening fabrics beside it. The dress was a pale sea green, dyed from a plush fur fabric, with white diamonds stitched along the brim above loose hanging frills.
Recognition dawned on him. “That’s yours!” he exclaimed, it had to be, it had all the familiarity of Yona’s clothing. “And it’s in a window display so ponies on the main square can see! That’s amazing!” As Gallus continued to look at the dress, inspecting it further to find more of the diamond patterns surrounding it, and back at Yona, his face was lit up with joy. All the while, Yona kept a calm and warm smile, contentedly listening to her friend’s appraisal.
“It’s like you’ve moved up in the…” Suddenly, Gallus caught sight of a tag dangling off the side of the dress, “what’s this?” he asked, prompting himself to look when no immediate answer came from Yona. It was a price tag, a small label on the top read “Gems of Yakyakistan by Yona Yak” and below it was the number reading its price, “100 ♭”. However, this number had a slash in it, a read marker crossed over the number like a cut. Below it was “80 ♭”, which too was slashed, then “65 ♭”, “40 ♭” until finally there was a price that wasn’t slashed with red, “20 ♭”.
“This dress has been reduced in price, why?” he was compelled to ask, and Yona was compelled to answer, losing her smile in the process.
“Customer ponies here rather buy dresses made by ponies, also…”
That was when Gallus let out a long and disheartened sigh, there was no shock at this point. “You too, huh?” Considering Ocellus and Smolder have felt some of the discrimination themselves, it didn’t feel like news at this point. “Can’t Professor Rarity do anything about it?” he asked as a possible suggestion, but Yona could only return a middling answer.
“Miss Rarity tries, pretty pony put on a big smile and say how Rarity has been training yak and has high hopes for yak, but ponies just point noses into clouds and laugh, and say yaks too dumb to make dresses. But Rarity says not to let ponies get to Yona, continue to make what Yona want to make, ponies will like Yona’s dresses.”
“Other than Sandbar?” Gallus replied, unable to avoid giving a cheeky smirk to go along with it.
Finally, Yona laughed, “Of course” she answered, a relief after such a dour subject, even Gallus started to chuckle as it eased the tension between them. After the two calmed for a moment, Yona’s eyes began to drift, a moment of thought of what to follow. “So, Rarity want Yona to have line up for Fashion Week in Manehatten” she eventually said.
Gallus’ eyes widened at the news. “That sounds good.” His response was understated though, Rarity would talk about Manehatten being the fashion capital of Equestria where all the big designers and trendsetters do their work.
Fashion week was this one entire week where districts effectively turn into catwalks, with designers showing their best designs, models giving their best looks, and all the press write a novel worth of articles describing what looks the best, the most unique, the most stylish. Although he’d never seen fashion week, Rarity would always talk about how well it went each year he came back from summer break.
As great an opportunity as it was, Yona didn’t share Gallus’ optimism. “It’d mean spending summer in Manehatten to work and plan, so not sure if Yona wants to go,” she admitted.
This perplexed Gallus, “But why? I’m no fashion expert, but from what I remember, if you make it there, ponies will be lining up for your dresses.” It was as if Yona was considering passing on a potential solution to her struggles.
“Yona knows,” she acknowledged, “just Yona no like being far away.” Yona already far away from Yakyakistan, now Yona is away from friends and Sandbar, and Manehatten is further away from both. Yona no want to end up like Gallus.”
With a slow nod, Gallus can relate. Unlike Gallus, Yona has a big loving family in her home in Yakyakistan, like most of his friends, homesickness diminished over time but never truly went away. Combined with being away from friends, even for a short while, and even Gallus could understand it’d be a harder situation than he was in. “Yeah, I know what you mean-… wait.” Suddenly he furrowed his brow, the rest of what he heard caught up with him, it was directed at him. “What do you mean you don’t want to end up like me?”
Yona in turn gave Gallus a hard glare. “Friends no hear from Gallus anymore. Gallus used to write to friends every week” she answered judgingly.
Feeling attacked by the insinuation, Gallus tensed up. “I still write letters to you in Ponyville every week” he snapped back.
“Yona believes it when Yona sees it. Yona sees Silverstream send letters to you, but Yona no see letters FROM you.”
Leaning closer to glare back, Gallus was cross and agitated. “I swear on the grades I got from Professor Applejack’s classes; I sent those letters to Ponyville” he asserted, with one of his talons jabbing into his chest. “I should be the one saying I haven’t heard from you for months, not one letter from Silverstream or anyone, so if we’re both sending each other stuff, how are we not hearing from each other?”
His friend on the other hoof remained calm and stern, she didn’t believe Silverstream’s stuff wasn’t arriving, and although she did see Gallus was genuine enough to swear on the good grades, he worked on in his honesty classes, her favourite classes on top of that, she remained fixed on her suspicions.
“Yona wonders if Gallus’ new friends have something to do with” she answered.
“You mean my platoon buddies at the Academy?!” exclaimed Gallus.
“Gallus spend more time with new friends at Academy than wonder why he no hear from old friends, because Gallus is closer to new friends than to old friends.” Yona accused, poking her hoof into Gallus’ chest.
The griffon swatted the hoof away and snapped back. “That’s not true, I’ve been worried for months that you lot weren’t replying to me, my new friends have nothing to do with this.” While before he was having to defend his efforts to keep in touch, he was now having to defend his Academy friends, who he knew wouldn’t think of doing anything against his Ponyville friends. Heck, most of them don’t know anything about his friends in Ponyville, except for Silverstream for different reasons.
“Yet Gallus waits till now to go to Canterlot to find old friends, not sooner,” Yona countered. “Did Gallus come with new friends because it’s convenient?”
Before Gallus could snap back, he paused with his beak open and his talons slowly curling in, in order to think. Yona had a point, he could have confronted his friends about their lack of response one, two, three weeks about the lack of response, instead it was when Pound Sterling and Lightning Dust had tickets to a show. “…okay fine, I came up here with my platoon buddies,” he admitted begrudgingly. He could see Yona give a slight smirk, as a confirmation of her point, which only motivated Gallus to continue his side.
“But if you read my letter, I would have been great to tell you guys to come up here so you could meet them. Remember the friend who I said would like you? I can take you to see him if you have time today.”
“Gallus means the one he spent Hearth’s Warming Eve with instead of friends in Ponyville,” retorted Yona, although Gallus’s face contorted with confused frustration as he recalled a contrast to her response when he admitted it back on Hearth’s Warming Day.
“But you said-!” Gallus cut himself short, before shaking the anger out of him and taking a breather to calm himself. “Look, I don’t like being away from you lot as much as you don’t like being away from your friends and family, so I’m trying hard to stay friends,” he insisted to Yona. “Not just Silverstream, but you, Sandbar, Smolder, and Ocellus. Sure, I have friends at the Academy, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, right?”
Yona’s expression then slowly faded as she sadly looked down and away at her friend. “…Yona don’t know,” she replied in a broken hush tone.
He couldn’t believe what he just heard, he stood there dumbfounded. Sure, Yona was known to be blunt with what she says, more than others, but was she really saying she doesn’t know if they can be friends just because of some letters and being at the Academy?
“Oh, Miss Yona, you’re still down here”. The fancy and sassy Miss Saddles approached the two, oblivious to the discussion (or argument) the two were having as she was focused on her clipboard. Once the unicorn moved her line of sight towards the pained and shame-filled yak, she felt something was off. She then turned her head to the blue griffon standing in front of Yona. “Is this griffon bothering you?” she questioned Yona, in her mind suspecting an unruly customer.
“…no Miss Saddles,” Yona answered quietly. “Griffon about to leave.”
Taken aback, Gallus felt his chest start to ache as he began stepping backwards, even if he wasn’t being verbally told to, he felt compelled to leave over the mixture of anger and upset whirling inside of him. “Yeah. See ya, Yona... I’ll see you around… maybe,” cracks began to appear as his voice trailed off, his mind starting to muddle as he resisted the urge to outburst in front of his friend and a unicorn.
Before he departed from the boutique, he turned back towards Yona. From the distance, he could notice Yona had a shimmer in her eyes. Even despite hearing her figuratively push him out, assuming him to be ignoring her and their friends in favour of others, there was a hint of guilt and doubt, enough for Gallus to miss her as he left.
“Tell the others I said hi if you want.”
Scythe Magnus was sitting at a table in the grand Canterlot Library of Magic, closest to the two giant pillars that stood two stories tall on either side of the golden entrance to the main reading room. The pegasus was surrounded by books, not only on the bookshelves near the walls of the oval room but also stacked around his table leaving just enough room for the reading lamp in the corner and a scribbled notepad by his side.
Although amongst the wall of books, what Scythe was reading wasn’t a book, it was a newspaper. Granted it was a rather old newspaper from the library’s archive, with a date from the spring of the year 902 in the Princess Celestia era at the top right side just beneath “The Canterlot Times” written in a giant serif font.
He had spent the last hour or so going from shelf to shelf for books, followed by skim reading through each of them, just to find this specific newspaper which was fortunately held within the library’s archives. He went through each page, carefully turning them with the tips of his wings to avoid creasing the old paper, to find a segment of a particular page.
Eventually, he found what he was looking for, an article, written by Winstone. He copied it verbatim in his notepad, meticulously ensuring each word was correct. Taking up a few pages, he was left with a satisfied grin when it was finished, both his mind and body relieved to conclude the research that he had planned upon arriving.
As he gently closed the newspaper and stacked his books to return them to be reshelved, he noticed a set of amber claws walking on top of the glistening floor. When he recognised a familiar shade of blue fur above the wrists of those claws, he knew immediately that his friend had returned. “Hey Gallus,” he softly said with a bit of excitement as he hoped to meet some of Gallus’ other friends, such as that Yona who can speak Yakyaki.
Yet when he turned to look at Gallus, he could tell something was wrong. The griffon was tired, dreary, miserable, his feathers ruffled, his eyes sore and yet dry. It looked as though he had been worn down to a dull and blunt form of his usual self. “What happened?” Scythe asked with concern. That was before seeing the noticeable absence of any other creature besides him. “Did you see your friends?”
Gallus just shook his head and frowned as his tired hindlegs folded to let him sit on the floor by the table of books. “No… they didn’t turn up” he answered in a gravelly voice as he glowered towards the reflection beneath him.
Scythe’s ears drooped, he imagined Gallus waiting out in the main square outside looking for his friends who never arrived, all the while Scythe was inside finding the information he had searched for. “Sorry to hear that. Maybe your letter got lost?” he offered to reassure his friend, offering an optimistic reason as to why his friends didn’t come.
Little did he know that Gallus was slowly thinking of how true that reason was. “Maybe…” The griffon didn’t say another word for the rest of the day, even after he and Scythe reunited with Pound Sterling, Lightning Dust, and Nicknames. Even after they had a meal out together at a lively restaurant called The Tasty Treat where they enjoyed spicy food and drinks.
Instead, he sulked as the thoughts raced across his mind, thoughts of who was keeping him from his friends.
Yona’s expression then slowly faded as she sadly looked down and away at her friend. “…Yona don’t know,” she replied in a broken hush tone.
He couldn’t believe what he just heard, he stood there dumbfounded. Sure, Yona was known to be blunt with what she says, more than others, but was she really saying she doesn’t know if they can be friends just because of some letters and being at the Academy?
Ohh this is not good at all they're having a little conflict with each other
Hmmm yeah that is a little suspicious what's going on in the mail delivering office somebody's trying to sabotage their friendship 🤔
Oh man so much for the sweet reunions so gallus was looking for his friends but it looks like he saw one of them and it's yona it was pretty sweet that they saw each other but things really went downhill that's she saying that nobody is buying yona clothes and what makes worse that she accuse gallus not sending a letter to them which he did but there is something going on with the post office and somebody who wants to ruin his friendship with his friends who would do something that awful I guess we'll find out next time
Now that's not fair, Yona, most of all the rest of you were out of town or were going to be at the time and you all knew it. So it was either that or Gallus spent the day mostly alone and on his own, and surely you wouldn't actually want the latter. This sounds more like just an attempt to lash back so to vent general frustrations than anything.
And from her perspective I can sort of understand that, but it's still not fair of her to preemptively judge like that, particularly in light of Gallus swearing to the exact opposite. And Gallus isn't wrong--his platoon buddies wouldn't really have anything to do with this...unless one of them are secretly blocking the letters...
Speaking of, the letters apparently not getting through in either direction is curious...my first thought was that Silverstream was hoarding all of Gallus's letters to herself, but the implication that Sil's letters don't seem to be getting through either would seem to rule that out. My next thought is that a certain Commandant is behind it...but then I couldn't see what he'd gain from it, seeing that'd seem like that'd give Gallus all the more reason to stay in the academy by leaving him with seemingly nothing to go back to. Similar with Coalstone--that and Coalstone doesn't strike me as smart enough, nor quite that connected to pull it off. Which leads me back to one of Gallus's squadmates doing it, but again, I can't see a reason or motive for it. So there must be some alternative factor to all of this I don't yet know that could explain it...hmm...
In any case, a...frustrating...chapter overall, seeing it's bringing to light problems that shouldn't have been problems in the first place. Hopefully this mess gets all resolved peacefully and soon, before any lasting damage is needlessly done.
hmmm somethings going on in the higherups
Ho crap. Messing with the mail is serious business, and something that definitely needs investigating.
oh joy, here's a new battery of prejudiced shitheels to contend with
times like this i wonder why i'm still reading this story
I think that Silverstream and Twilight need to send a few cute little letters with tracking spells on them.
11147932
Twilight's a princess, so she doesn't have to result to such underhanded tactics.
11147885
It has to be someone near the top. And if it is the commandant, he's soon going to find himself in a whole heap of trouble.
so who and way is some one messing with all of Gallus's mail?
this is a quick way to get tossed out of the academy.
11147885
The only reason I can think of is to have Gallus lose his friends. That way, he may not try to get into the Canterlot Royal Guards. The main reason he wanted to get into the Royal Guards is to be close to Ponyville, where all of his friends live.
11148002
and you really think they wouldn't lie right to her face.
11148058
Yes, but that wouldn't necessarily motivate him to leave the Royal Guard entirely, especially as he's made new friends within the academy that aren't going to be so easy to separate him from given their general close proximity, so I don't see how it'd benefit those of the more racist mindset that we need not name. Certainly not Authordox, the most obvious suspect. So either the culprit has either A: just hasn't thought this through very well, B: just wants Gallus out of the Canterlot area of the guard but isn't particular with him sticking with it otherwise, C: it's for some entirely different reason not yet clear, or possibly D: we're all reading too much into it and there's no actual scheme or ill intent behind all of this and is instead just some unfortunate clerical mishap (I mean...it's concerning mail to and from Ponyville, so you know Derpy's hooves fit into the process somewhere ).
Personally, I'm leaning for C...but I'm not about to rule out anything just yet either.
11147919
Particularly seeing you seem to have such a low tolerance for these sort of themes. I mean, it's not like the story wasn't making it abundantly clear from the start (heck, even the summary alludes to it), so I do kinda have to wonder what else you were really expecting at this point.
11148067
This is Twilight we're talking about. No way would she go in half-cocked when dealing with someone who might well be a criminal.
11148073
i was expecting it to not be so heavy-handed and omnipresent
i was also expecting the inclusion of it to feel natural, and not be so predictable as to be visible when the beats of this nature would show up
every time we get a little cutaway to The Conspiracy(tm) behind the scenes, i die a little inside
that shit's fucking SatAM kid's show villain-tier bullshit
i know i'm usually one to argue for escapism, but if you're going to include real-world elements, make them behave realistically
11148199
ive read a few stories like this, the last was a Scootaloo cant fly because she has unicorn magic instead, goes to CSGU. in truth it was pretty bad, with a lot of very tired tropes that werent even used properly, but it did get the idea across...point is, these kinds of stories exist, and there r people who actually like them. hell, the show is about as hamhanded with its villains a lot of the time...
11148199
oh it's you, Again.
Geeze, it's like you didn't even watch the show. Such as the episode with Zecora's introduction, Gilda, Neighsayer, ect
11149875
And keep in mind that we're focusing on the military here, the military always puts heavy value on tradition, change is fought every step of the way. And a military who's roots are in pre-unification Unicornia? Yeah, that's going to be ugly.
11147885 I have an answer to why someone, whether it's the Commandant or Colastone, who wants to see him fail is blocking his mail.
Isolating him from his outside connections, sources of support, weakens him, and makes it more likely he'll crack.
As to what Late_Night is saying, I think part of the problem is that we don't see any improvement, any agency from the main character. Crap just keeps getting dumped on him and he sits there and takes it.
In this case if rather than just using it as another source of conflict, the author had Gallus go, 'Wait, that's not right... I trust Yona and the others that they've been sending me letters, and I know I have been sending them letters, so something else must be happening!' and then proceed to try and find out, possibly with the help of his squadmates.
Protagonists have to have challenges, and the bigger the challengte, the more we enjoy it when they overcome it. But most people enjoy it when the protaognist is proactive in overcoming a challenge rather than overcoming it by just being passive and bulling on through until it gives up, which is what this feels like.
Reality Check once wrote an analysis replacing Harry Potter with a Mr Potatohead in the Philosophers Stone to show that he was the same sort of passive character, more driven by other people's actions than his own agency.
Obviously I'm still reading this in the hopes that there will be a payoff, but if the idea is that he just toughs it out and the only payoff is that he somehow gets into the Palace Guard anyway (which canonically he does), it will be less enjoyable than him managing to uncover the speciesism and seeing the perpetrators punished. Still worth reading, but less than it would be otherwise.
11151483
While I do get and appreciate the argument you're making here, and will also agree that specifically this chapter's scene with Yona was a bit "drama for drama's sake," for the rest of the story I feel the need to repeat something I've already noted a couple of times when previously commenting on this story--the best way for Gallus to "win" against the bias against him is to beat them at their own game, by not making a scene or protest about it.
Because not only is there already a stereotype about griffons being too antagonistic among the ponies that actively protesting would only make Gallus appear to prove such a stereotype as correct, the last thing he wants to do, Gallus protesting and making a scene about the mistreatment is precisely what the likes of Authordox or Coalstone wants him to do, because it'd give them both an excuse and justification to further demonize him and, ultimately, get him kicked out entirely.
Obviously, we don't want that.
So the best thing Gallus can do is to refuse to give them that satisfaction and instead not acknowledge it, instead focusing on doing precisely what he came there to do: to learn to be an officer of the Royal Guard and hopefully succeed through his own merits and learning, and through that prove that he can not just fit in as a member of the Royal Guard, but also be at least as good a member as any pony else, if not even demonstrate potential to rise above the perceived standard for a royal guard.
And it's working. It may be gradual, but Gallus is slowly getting allies to his side of the matter, and higher-ups are starting to both take notice of that and starting to reassess their thoughts about him, considering that he just might be officer material after all, despite the attempts of such as Authordox and Coalstone to try and paint a different picture. The earlier dinner party alone proved that in more than one way, and it's not the only example the story's given of that. And if all that continues--and I have no reason to believe it wouldn't for obvious reasons--soon the likes of Authordox and Coalstone will be left behind as the minority who can't get the suppoer they need to oppose Gallus's presence any longer. That's how Gallus will successfully beat this.
Not every solution to problems like this have to be dramatic confrontations or being directly proactive at addressing and resolving it now and immediately rather than gradually through playing the long game. To be sure, there's absolutely a time and place for the "quick" and more obviously "proactive" methods you describe and I'm not trying to discredit them. I fully expect there will be a time later in this story where such an approach will be required. But there's a right time and a place for that, and we're not at that point just yet. We still have to "set the scene" for it, gather enough allies to ensure such a fight won't just prove to be a fruitless one because no one else is willing to see it as mere troublemaking and seek use it against Gallus.
In short, I think Hammerhead's been portraying all of this as precisely right already.
I love what you have written thus far, and cannot wait for more!
Also, not sure if you need to hear this or not, but don't let other people tell you how to write your story. You write it because you have a story you want to tell, and so far you've been doing really well!.
And this griffon gives it 10/10 warbles!
That means its very much approved by birbcats ^^
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Well, this was something to come back to after a weekend holiday. I don't want to give away any part of where the story is going but I think it's worth replying to a few things from this discussion.
For the record, I get where Late_Night is coming from. They made a similar critique before, wanted Gallus to be in a chapter where racism isn't a key part of his character, and I feel as though I've delivered on that. That being said, I think this time around Fox explained the issue much better, about Gallus being more passive and not seeing much improvement. I'd argue I've shown Gallus' experience at the Academy has improved through making friends and allies, and while he does put up with bigots like Coalstone, he has shown to stand up for himself and Scythe and tries to not let ponies like him get under his fur. On the other hand, I can see where it might not be enough.
I do intend for Gallus to overcome these challenges eventually, the story's not gonna end with Gallus being handed the commission and the bigots getting off scot-free, but the point where Gallus decides enough is enough hasn't happened yet.
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Welll you write it however ya had planned! Ya got my support!
Hmmm wonder what's happening to the letters, thier was no indication sending letters was frowned upon. Verrry sus.
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Thanks for the feedback!
Well Hello:
I am not sure how this is going to be received, but I just spent 2 days to binge read your story. As a grey muzzle writer (I am not all that and a bag of chips) Who has written about the ergonomics of Griffins for 40+ RL years, I hope that can be seen as a complement to you.
Your descriptions of a Griffin are lacking in a few areas (A personal opinion) but over all...you gave me a few new things to incorporate into my own descriptions (NOT easy to after 40 years of perfecting my own style)
I am convinced that you, like me, are either Military, or Veteran .... I was not sure if it was a US Military or maybe you were a history buff for foreign Military, but I am going to Guess VMI or maybe West Point. Or at least a passion for them.
Your stork kept me mostly frustrated (I again mean that as a complement, I do not usually read frustrating stories let alone Bing read something over 2 days)
While your character development and Scenes / Settings are SUPERB, I think you hit about half of the campy tropes that go so easily withe these stories, while pointedly leaving out the other half :)
I hope I have given you enough accolades to convey my gratitude and admiration for your talent. I say this because I also like to discuss the things that were difficult for me in your story.
About half way thru I started wondering if this story was , or was not, deliberately or subconsciously a "woke" social treatise. The last two chapters has me leaning toward it is.
At my age, I love the story, the fantasy...but this is the frustration (and Tropes) that I spoke of before.
I am an academy graduate. Considering the canon story working so hard on friendship... to tip toe precariously close to a personal sore point of the whole world always being against this or that "different" person (not to mention my own view of Griffins who would take someone like Colemane and verbally and socially gut him) Is immediately disadvantaged. The griffin climbing the wall as an example.... I just see that any being like a griffin would have rolled his eyes from the start and known he could just crawl up a wall (Yes I know he was orphaned it IS plausible but combined with all the other road blocks it makes me feel like he is an ANTI Gary Stu).
Having been in Gallus' position IRL many times, I (personally) Get tired of the constant "I know people who could fix this, but I have to be the Big soldier and not say anything" That is likely of my (probably unfair) Woke comment and why I call it a Trope
In any case I hope to end on a good note saying, your writing is so well done that I have your story marked and want to see you continue....
Should you ever desire, I would be happy to (civilly) discuss specifics (or ideas if you like) via a PM, DM or I even have my own Discord Server.
Thank you for the story so far.
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I agree with Late Night
Having binged this story over the past few days I have to admit I am liking it. It's pretty good, and I cannot wait for more.
Of course, I am also expecting the Commandant to get in some real trouble for tampering with the mail, and am quite curious as to what Twilight did to help Gallus get into the Academy in the first place.
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Meh, I missed a lot this time around, or were these from several chapters? Also keep in mind that I believe British English is in play here, though the boss can correct me if'n I'm wrong, which can effect some of the spellings.
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I'm British, so yeah those spelling quirks do often come in. For unphased/unfazed, I always went with the former because that was the only spelling that came to mind, and admittingly I'm still unsure what the difference is.
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I have to admit, after the time I punt into the comment,I thought it might at least get NOTICED....
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Don't worry, it did get noticed. Much appreciated.
How's the next chapter coming along?
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I'm still drafting it, hopefully, I'll have something ready to be looked over by the end of today.
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A vegan shepherd's pie is as impossible as one made with beef. A vegan cottage pie, sure, but not a shepherd's pie.
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A basic search for recipes for vegan shepherd's pies would beg to differ.
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And they all tell you how to make a vegan cottage pie. (A cottage pie is when you take a shepherd's pie recipe and use something other than lamb or mutton.)
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Yeah well if I went with cottage pie you'd still say it was an odd choice because cows are sapient in MLP as well, so let's not debate this further because it isn't a hill worth dying on.
Hmm....
Well at least one pony is gonna be charged with tampering with the mail.