• Published 10th Jan 2021
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A Demon's Second Chance - Perfectly Insane



Humans, monsters, both of which I've spent so much time with. Too much. Eventually, I stopped expecting anything new. Then, there were ponies.

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Chapter Fifteen: The Den

Author's Note:

Yahallo! I am extremely sorry this took as long as it did to come out. A mixture of Elden Ring releasing, this chapter being a long one, and me taking longer on it than usual since I really wanted it to be good made it a lengthier process than I would have preferred.

This is the second to last chapter for arc 2, and easily one of the most important for Chara's development. I put a lot of effort into this one, so I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments, please tell me if you spot any errors such as grammar, inconsistency, etc. Thanks for reading!

Every time I came back to the tunnels, I remembered how startlingly musty the stale air was. I paid attention to it the least out of anything else; which was likely why it was the first thing I forgot when I reset. Yet, when I entered, I questioned how I could forget it.

The darkness, while much more tolerable thanks to the lantern Limestone brought, loomed over us. It left us washed in dread and soaked in an unassuagable tension. The stale air and dirt made it hard just to breathe; I still slightly wrinkle my nose with every inhale.

It would seem I can’t even enjoy breathing in this hellish place.

Limestone and Applejack didn’t look like they minded it at all. I’m certain Limestone has come across some foul stenches working in the mines before. Applejack runs an apple farm; I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s come across more than her share of dead animals or rotten things. Who knows what else she’s seen as an Element of Harmony? Though I am just assuming since they weren’t making any facial expression suggesting it bothered them.

Being with them, knowing their strength, brought me just a sliver of relief.

That sliver was dwindling under the silence shared among the three of us.

The possibility that the diamond dogs could ambush us at any moment never left my mind, nor that we could just as likely stumble into their den. What I was hoping for most of all though, was that this would be a dead end like the other two. There was no way to know until something happened, or how long that would take. Maybe they’d hop out right now, maybe we wouldn’t hit the end of this tunnel for thirty minutes or so like some others lasted.

I didn’t know. There were no words to express how much that bothered me.

Just like before, I tried to think of some way to pass the time. Something to talk about and distract me. My gaze shifted to Limestone’s back; I couldn’t say I knew her well. She had a temper, but cared deeply about her family. That was the extent of it.

Well…

“Limestone, can I ask you something?” I asked hesitantly.

Her ear flicked, but she didn’t turn to me.

“Shoot.”

“Do you…” I knew I’d be treading on sensitive ground with this. However, it’d been bugging me ever since the first loop. If things work out this loop, we’ll be leaving the farm. I wouldn’t get another chance to ask, or try to make things right. “Hate Pinkie?”

I dropped my head when I spoke, so I didn’t notice she froze until I walked right into her. Bumping my nose into her rigid back.

“Why would you think that?”

There was no tone in her voice at all, steady as it had always been. It struck instantaneous, rattling fear in me. I struggled to come with a response, even though I just had one in mind.

Maybe bringing this up now was a bad idea.

“I,” of course, I couldn’t bring up what she said to Pinkie about what happened to Marble after Pinkie left. That didn’t happen in this loop. The only thing I had to go off this time was the way Limestone spoke about her earlier, but that should be enough. “You haven’t talked to her since she’s been here, not that I’ve seen. Almost like you’re avoiding her. Along with the way you talked about what it was like when she was on the farm…” I trailed off.

“That doesn’t mean nothin’, Chara.” Applejack spoke up. “It’s just been a while since they’ve talked. Hate is a strong word, especially for kin. Family shouldn’t ever come to hate each other. Sticking together through thick and thin is what family is for, after all.”

“Except I did.”

Her tone became gruff, straining like she was struggling to keep any emotion out of it. Applejack snapped her attention from me to her, intensely narrowing her eyes.

“At least, I thought I did. For a really, really long time, I thought I hated Pinkie. It took me a while to realize…” she stopped talking, shaking her head and stood still for a few stiff seconds. Limestone took a deep breath and started walking forward again, lifting the lantern to illuminate the area in front of us.

We followed with hesitant steps, waiting for her to continue, if she was even going to.

“And…why did ya think ya hated Pinkie? I can’t imagine her doing anything that would make anypony hate her. Or her leaving things on bad terms.”

“You’d be absolutely right: Pinkie’s not like that. Ever since that rainboom thing happened, she did a total turnaround. I’ve never seen my parents smile like that: It was impossible to be miserable around her. She loved it so much that she wanted to spread it to the rest of Equestria, so,” the surrounding light shook. Limestone’s grip on the lantern wavered as the rest of her body tightened, though she didn’t stop moving. “she fucking left. Just like that. Of course, she cleared it with dad first and he was ok with it. But it was just so damn sudden.”

“Lime, you know it was for the best that she did.” Applejack spoke up. “If she hadn’t left for Ponyville, she never woulda’ became an Element of Harmony, and none of us would ever see the sun again.”

I raised an eyebrow at what Applejack said. I’d kept meaning to ask one of them about some of the stuff they’d done as Elements of Harmony, or just about them at all. Every time I hear them talk about another feat I remind myself to, just to forget again anyway.

“I know that!” Limestone barked, peering over her shoulder at us. “I’m well a-fucking-ware how good it was for the rest of the world that she left! How many ponies she’s helped, how many times she’s saved Equestria. I hear about it all the time, and there’s not much to do on this farm but think. Still…” she winced, frowning grimly as she squinted. “We might have been miserable for a long time, but we at least had each other. Marble depended on Pinkie, and Maud cared about her a lot.”

Limestone tightly clenched her free fist, so tightly that I could see her knuckles whiten paler than her coat. I almost forgot where we were and what we were doing; the visceralness of what she was saying made it hard to pay attention to anything else.

“When she left to go throw her damn parties, I was so pissed. Pinkie just fucking abandoned us to work on the farm by ourselves. Giving us a taste of genuine joy, just to let us drop back into the pit. I know she didn’t see it that way, and just didn’t want others to ever be as sad as we were, but I couldn’t help how I felt.” there was a tinge of regret in her words, which she poorly tried to cover by loudly clearing her throat. “I never read her monthly letters, didn’t want reminders of how happy she was away from us. Then, I heard about what happened at The Summer Sun Celebration, and I,”

She slumped her shoulders, bowing her head like she was stuck staring at the ground.

“I realized I was just jealous. As the oldest, the farm is my responsibility. I’ll inherit it when mother and father eventually die. With Maud getting her rockotorate and planning on exploring Equestria for her rock research, the farm is up to Marble and I. Mom and dad are getting old, it’s probably only a couple of years more before they start struggling to do the heavy work. I hate keeping Marble here, but there’s not really anypony else. As much as I hate it, the farm’s my responsibility; I can’t just leave like she did. I don’t hate Pinkie, I never could. I just…hate being reminded of the life I could be living if I wasn’t stuck here.”

Some part of me was tempted to say that I understood and offer a piece of advice, but I had none. Responsibility was just another word for expectations, something I understood exceptionally well. However, it’s also something I had no right to give advice on.

Everything else was beyond me; I was never jealous of Asriel, not like that at least. We were raised by the same family, and treated the same despite the difference in species. I was given happiness because I ran away. In a sense, I made the same choice Pinkie did and ended up the same way. For just a little while at least.

“Have yah…ever thought about leaving? Taking a day or two off every now and again? Even Big Mac and ah have vacation days.” Applejack offered.

“When I have to, yeah. For holidays or something. I’ve made a friend or two, and it’s nice. At first. The problem is I can’t really relax when I’m away from the farm, you know?” Limestone stated, rubbing the back of her head and glancing back at Applejack. “I try to ignore it, but there’s always this annoying fucking thought at the back of my head that I’ll have to go back there eventually. Hard to enjoy myself away from this shithole when I can’t stop thinking ‘this won’t last. You’re gonna have to go back soon.’, and I just fucking…” she made a muffled groaning noise, tapping her finger against her temple. “Can’t leave here mentally. It’s like a parasite that leeches all my happiness.”

I’m thinking I have more in common with The Pies than I’d like.

“Believe it or not, ah’ve sorta been in your boots.” Applejack disclosed while adjusting her hat with a light frown. “Ah left Sweet Apple Acres to live with some family in Manehatten, thought ah was more suited to a ‘glamorous lifestyle'”. She let out a brief chuckle and shook her head. “But ah never felt happy, not for a second. When ah saw that sonic rainboom, ah realized it was my family ah missed. Ah went back, and ah earned my cutie mark that way. Ah can’t help ya with the rest, but I get ya. If only a little bit.”

Limestone scoffed, grinning at AJ and then turning her head forward again. “You know, I thought as one of the elements, you’d patronize me or something. Tell me to just get over it, that it’s selfish and I should be happy for what I do have. Saying you understand some of it is…refreshing. You’re really cool for a cowpoke, your parents did a great job raising you.”

An uncharacteristic grimace formed on Applejack’s face as she visibly stiffed. It could have just been in my mind, but the tunnel felt a few degrees colder.

“Ah’m sure they would have. Unfortunately, they passed away soon after ah was born. They hardly got a chance to raise me and Big Mac at all. Granny Smith did a darn good job in their place.” Applejack said solemnly.

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, I can’t even imagine that.”

“No harm done, ya didn’t know. Ah miss them sometimes, which is odd since ah barely even knew’em. They were only around when ah could barely buck a tree, and Macintosh had just started working on the farm around Apple Bloom’s age. But ah don’t like dwelling on it. Ah’m happy with what ah have. All thinking about what could have been does is prevent ya from enjoying what is. Have ya thought about talking with Pinkie? Making ponies happy is what she’s best at.”

“Every time I look at her. It’s annoying as all Tartarus when it’s the only thing on my mind when she’s around, makes it hard to enjoy some of the few times she’s around. Even if I wanted to,” she paused, her voice noticeably dropping. “I know how she’d react: Blame herself and apologize, do whatever she can to make it right. Despite the fact that it’s a problem with me, not her. I’d just feel more like shit than usual.”

Applejack let out an airy chuckle. “Ah think ya underestimate her a bit. Pinkie can probably tell something’s wrong, but is giving ya your space for when you’re ready. She pays attention to stuff like that, it might surprise ya what she notices. Ah think ya should at least talk to her about it. Otherwise, she’s just gonna wonder what she did wrong until she gets sick over it.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Limestone said with a reluctant sigh. “I just need to figure out how to word it, and when. Not until after this whole Diamond Dog bullshit is over with though. Before she leaves I will, I mean it.”

There was brief sincerity in her words as she nodded her head. Limestone coughed to fill the awkward silence afterwards, glancing back at me.

“So, Chara. Since we’re getting stuff off our chest, mind if I ask you something?”

“Huh?” I muttered as I looked up at her. I nearly forgot I was even here, felt more like I was listening in on their conversation than actually being a part of it. Not like there was anything I could actually add. “I mean, sure? I don’t know what I could actually tell you, though. I have-”

My eyes darted to Applejack: her comment earlier about me being terrible at lying came to mind. Twilight figured out about my amnesia, or at least had suspicions about them before I confirmed it. That was thanks to her intelligence. Applejack is good at seeing through my lies like Fluttershy, or I could just be that bad at lying.

Plus, they’re being honest and opening up about themselves. Not doing the same and lying would be rude and disrespectful-They deserve better than that. I just have to be somewhat selective with my answers, depending on what her question is. I don’t want them worried about me anymore than they already likely were.

“Yeah. What is it?”

“Why do you flinch every time I swear? Do you have a problem with it?”

“Oh…” I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly feeling like I stood out more than I did. “You noticed?”

That was a dumb question, but I didn’t know what else to say. I should have guessed she’d noticed. I haven’t exactly been doing a good job of hiding it, despite my best efforts.

“It’s harder to not notice it, sugarcube. Ya do it every time. Ah first thought ya just didn’t like it, but ah’d bet it’s more than that.”

“It’s not that. I don’t have a problem with the words themselves, it’s more…” my breath hitched in my throat as he came to mind, peeking his revolting face out of the deepest hole at the back of my mind. I closed my eyes, envisioning pushing him back down. He was still there; waiting, watching, preparing to take advantage of my weakness when it shows up.

Like he always did.

“My first exposure to it is from a very,” I needed to be careful with exactly how I worded this. “Bad experience. When I hear someone swear a lot, it reminds me of that and I just haven’t entirely gotten over it. I’m working on it.”

“I…can try to stop-”

“No, please don’t.” I interrupted, which visibly startled her. “People swear, it’s a normal thing. Even if you stop while I’m around, I’m probably gonna run into others who still do; It’s something I just have to deal with. I don’t want to inconvenience you because it's a problem I can’t deal with yet.”

Applejack’s small smirk fell into a frown as she looked down at me. Raising her hand like she wanted to touch me, and stopping with a widening of her eyes before dropping her hand back to her side.

“Chara, you don’t nee-”

“Hey, the tunnel ends here.”

Limestone’s declaration cut through the tension, thankfully directing the attention away from me and to the wall of dirt standing in front of us. It was the same as all the previous ones, as far as I could tell. Since we didn’t get ambushed, and this wasn’t their den, that at least narrows it down.

Of course, there’s the possibility that one of the other tunnels had an ambush waiting for us. Or that, for some reason, this tunnel didn’t lead to the den. I couldn’t say since I didn’t know what their den would be like.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to-”

“Hold on. There’s something here.”

Limestone set the lantern down beside her, digging at a spot in front of her I couldn’t see. Soon, a small light separate from the lantern began to shine through it. She stopped and pressed her head and hands against the wall, peeking through the hole she’d made.

“It goes on past here, as far as I can see. The lanterns lining the ceiling are lit.”

“Do ya see any of the dogs?”

“Uh,” she moved around a bit, widening the hole. “Nope. Guess they left the lights on? I think this is their den, but then why would they bother to put up this wall? Is that like their way of locking and shutting the door or something?”

“No, I don’t think so.” I said as I tried to think back to the other walls. Was it possible that the other dirt walls were the same? Wouldn’t any of the others notice that? If not, at least Limestone would have in one of the tunnels they checked with previous loops and said something. “Maybe it’s to make us think there’s nothing here?”

“Yah really think they’re that smart? Those dogs barely even take care of themselves.” Applejack said with a skeptical raise of her eyebrow.

“They could be. If they’re smart enough to talk, why not? Though they didn’t do a very good job of it if we noticed something.”

Applejack made a thoughtful grunting noise, which was followed by the sound of smashing as Limestone smashed her fist through the wall. I jumped as I turned to her, seeing that she was elbow deep in as the wall lost integrity and collapsed around her. In less than a moment, it was gone. Little more than piles of dirt were strewed on the ground, which she casually stepped over after picking up the lantern.

“Hey now, partner. Hold on a second.” Applejack said as she grabbed Limestone by the wrist, preventing her from going any farther. “Twilight told us we should head back and wait for them when we found the den.”

“Actually, no. That’s not what she said.” Limestone retorted as she pulled out of Applejack’s grip, visibly straining to do so. “She told us to come back if we saw any Diamond Dogs, not if we found their den. If we see any, I promise I’ll be right behind you when you run with your tail between your legs.”

Applejack didn’t even try to hide her dislike for that answer as she furrowed her eyebrows. “Can ya guarantee we won’t get lost? Ah’ve been in Diamond dog tunnels before, and ah’ve also been in a maze before; Ah’d pick the maze any day of the week.”

Limestone scoffed, rolling her eyes with immense exaggeration. “Is that right? Well, I’ve been going through tunnels like this my entire life. Usually, with only one lantern. They lined this ceiling with them! If we get lost, I’ll just dig our way out. Haven’t had to do it for a while, but I should be able to.”

“Hm.” Applejack stared at her, crossing her arms as she contemplated. “For what? We’re here to try to talk to them and get’em to leave. What’s snooping around their den gonna do?”

“I don’t know, honestly.” Limestone admitted with a shrug of her shoulders. “The diamond dogs don’t seem the type to leave around journals or whatever. Tartarus, I wouldn’t even be surprised if they can’t read or write. Doesn’t matter though, we’re here now and they aren’t. Sparklebutt won’t be back for a while anyway, so we’d just be sitting around back at the farm. Might as well, we could find something, and I don’t want to go back empty-handed.”

Limestone was actually making valid points, ones that I agreed with. If they’re not here, then it’s probably the best chance we’ll get to try to learn why they’re on this farm in the first place. Especially since I knew first hand that they weren’t willing to just tell us, or even talk things out at all. Learning anything about their plans would be helpful.

The diamond dogs may even come back while we’re gone; noticing that we took down their dirt wall and prepare for our return. Sure, all of us would be there. However, Twilight mentioned there were at least a dozen of them. Whatever they’re doing, I’m sure more than three of them would lay here for us.

And if they have those anti-magic rocks, I like our odds even less.

“She has a point, AJ.” I blurted out. “I…really want to go home and just have this whole thing settled. There’s a chance going in there now will make that easier.”

“Well,” Applejack closed her eyes thoughtfully for a moment. “If we leave as soon as any diamond dogs show up, ah reckon it wouldn’t be any harm.”

“Finally!” Limestone said as she began walking down the tunnel. “Let’s go then. I’d rather not waste any more oil than I have to.”

“Chara,” she reached out her hand to touch me, immediately retracting it and trying to play it off as adjusting her hat. “Stay close to me, alright? I owe ya a lot for saving Applebloom; it wouldn’t be right if ah didn’t at least protect ya like ya did her.”

“You don’t owe me anything, but thanks.”

As we trailed behind Limestone, I couldn’t shake the growing feeling that something was very wrong. Somehow different from the usual dread, it was closer to a gut feeling. One I couldn’t rationalize away despite my best attempts.

I couldn't believe that, after all the things that went wrong, something was going right.

_______________

The further in we went, the wider the tunnel became. Eventually it resembled a cave more than a dog-made tunnel. The lanterns became more spread out, resulting in little patches of darkness between them. Though not enough to worry over.

A lot sooner than any of us expected, we ended up in some kind of large chamber. I was quick to spot other entrances on different sides of it that must have been other tunnels, letting them travel to other sections of the farm. The center had a stone table with a few things on it. Crude doorways were carved out on some of the walls with brownish metal doors on them. I couldn’t tell if they were meant to be cells or where they slept, but they didn’t look comfortable either way.

The only other thing of interest was a minecart full of gems, way more than I’d ever seen before. Its variety and the way it sparkled made Spike’s Secret Stash look like nothing in comparison; I was tempted to take one or two and bring them back to Spike so he stops being scared of me. Even if just a little.

“Geez, do these guys have no taste?” Limestone said as she walked over to the cart, picking up one of them at random and scowling in disapproval. “Come on! These are the kind of gems ponies in Canterlot wear to look fashionable. They really do just care about what’s shiniest, huh? Maybe I was giving them too much credit.”

Applejack had her hands on her hips, scanning the chamber like she was looking for something. I followed her gaze, but couldn’t spot anything that didn’t fit.

“Don’t y'all think this place is a little small?”

Limestone paused, giving the place a once over before going back to digging through the gems.

“Not really? They’re just dogs, aren’t they? Looks like plenty of space to me.”

“Nah, they aren’t like Winona. Thar much bigger than yer average dog, some of them were even bigger n’ us. If Pinkie’s dad is right about there being around a dozen, then shouldn’t this place be bigger? On top of that,” she trotted over to one of the other tunnels, peering into it like she was expecting the dogs to come back at any moment. “Last time, they had guard dogs with armor and spears. Where are they now? My gut’s telling me they weren’t that confident about the walls they put up.”

“Armor and spears?” Limestone asked, not even trying to hide the tone of doubt. “Didn’t you say they aren’t that smart? Where’d they get stuff like that?”

She raised her finger to explain, mouth agape and eyes widening. “Huh.” she tapped her finger against her chin thoughtfully. “We never really talked about it afterwards, but yer right. Twilight might have looked into it.”

Armor and spears on dogs immediately reminded me of Undyne’s Royal Guard. Most of which were in Snowdin and dogs, wearing heavy armor, and I even saw one who used a spear. I remembered them vividly thanks to the dozens, maybe even hundreds, of resets Frisk went through. It was easy to recall all the wonderful memories with them, and the overwhelmingly bad ones.

I tried to ignore the memories as I moved over to the stone table, searching for anything of significance. On it was a map, very similar to the one Twilight made. Except this one has much more detail, like from a cartographer or something professionally made. I highly doubted that they made this themselves.

Then again, I could be underestimating their intelligence. I didn’t know nearly enough about them.

My foot rubbed against something small and wooden. I peeked under, finding a small chest about as big as my backpack. It was heavier than I thought it’d be, but I managed to lift it onto the table. It had a lock, yet they left it open. I had little trouble opening it, only further confused by what I found inside.

It was a necklace.

Strangely, it was the only thing inside the chest, making it look tiny with all the surrounding space. I reached inside, pulling it into the light to get a better look at it. The end of the necklace somewhat startled me: being a medium-sized antler; Pure white and not showing anything to show its age. Was it from a deer? Or did it belong to some other species?

What bothered me most was the fact that I did not know what animals in this world were as intelligent as ponies. If whatever this belonged to was, and it was kept as some sort of trophy, then these Diamond Dogs were much more cruel than I first thought.

The rest of the necklace was made out of a chain, a golden one similar to mine. Actually, closing my eyes and tracing my finger along the chain, I realized that it’s identical to mine. The same shade of gold, same amount of chains. The antler and pendant couldn’t have been more different. Although, if they were switched, I wouldn’t be able to tell which chain was the original.

“Hey, Chara.” Applejack said, startling me as I hadn’t even heard her move. “Where did you say you got your necklace?”

“I,” as I frantically dropped the antler necklace back into the chest. I tried to stutter out something that was close enough to the truth to not be a lie. “Woke up with it on me.”

“Awfully strange thing to leave on a stranger. Though, Ah can tell it means a lot to yuh, so ah won’t push it.”

I let out a sigh of relief, watching as she gripped the antler itself in her hands and examined it. Limestone saw the necklace and walked over, just as curious as I was.

“Yeah, this belonged to a deer, alright. Just recently turned into an adult, probably.” she pressed her lips together. “Granny Smith has some antlers in her room; She said she would find them after deer had shed them, and that they brought her good luck. Once, she showed me them, and taught me what you can learn about a deer from just their antlers.” Applejack explained, tracing her finger against the edges of the antler. “It’s age, how many sheddings it had, how long those antlers were there. Amazing what somepony with the right eyes and know-how can learn from just a pair of antlers. Ah might only know what ah understood from Granny, but something about this antler ain’t right.”

Even as I followed her suspicious gaze, I couldn’t tell what she meant. The movement of fingers, like she was following a line only she could see, was completely foreign to me. Limestone peered over her shoulders and watched, crossing her arms and just as lost as I was.

“Whatever it is, they must have brought it with them. There haven’t been deer here since my dad was a colt: even then it was just a passing herd. Whatever deer they got this from wasn’t anywhere near here.”

“Ah’m not entirely sure this came from a deer in the first place.” Applejack slowly shut the chest. Shoving the odd trinket into her pocket, surprisingly fitting with a barely noticeable bulge. “Ah’ll take it back to Twi; Maybe she can get a read on the thing.”

“Do you think it’s magical?” I asked as I looked over the chest. It didn’t make any sense for a chest like that to only hold one object. Were there other necklaces that the others were wearing for some reason? Identification or ranking, maybe? No, I assume that’s what the collars were for. Then, perhaps this chest was just for that necklace? Once or twice I’d seen a large chest holding one object despite its size, because the thing inside was very valuable.

If so, what was so special about that necklace?

“Could be. Ah don’t know. Something about it bothers me like a crooked picture on a wall. At the very least, it might tell us something about them.”

“Aren’t you glad we went in then? This way, we’re walking out with something.” Limestone remarked, turning around and giving the place one more look over. “We might as well-head back. I know for sure that one of the other tunnels must lead to where their supplies and stuff are. They’ve been here a while and have to be eating something, no point in sticking around and making that thing us.”

“Don’t be silly. Diamond Dogs don’t eat ponies.” AJ’s smile faltered, eyes narrowing for just a fraction of a second. “Ah’m pretty sure. We should head back before they get and see we took their…thing.”

I let out a sigh of relief as we began on our trek back to the farm. We got lucky and the dogs didn't come back while we were in their home. However, that didn’t mean I could put myself at complete ease. The necklace sitting comfortably in Applejack’s pocket still bothered me, but for a different reason.

Rarity mentioned that she hadn’t seen a necklace like mine before, although I am unsure if she meant the golden chain or the pendant. Assuming she meant the chain, and hesitantly using her as a basis since she knew the most about jewelry out of anyone I’d met so far, that meant that golden chains for necklaces are rare in Equestria. Did that mean that whoever made that necklace intentionally made it similar to mine? There have been one or two things like that so far.

If so, why? No one outside Ponyville should even know I exist, so much as where I’m from. Were they expecting me to go there in the first place? That would assume they knew I’d be going down there at all. Then again, this entire thought process was an assumption based on nothing but conjecture.

In all honesty, I’m probably just being paranoid again.

“This tunnels getting awfully dark, Lime. Are yah sure this is the right tunnel?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Limestone said, lighting the lantern backup in an instant. “Mostly.”

I drew my attention to the lanterns lining the ceiling, seeing that the lanterns were becoming less spread out. The tunnels were becoming thinner, soon evening out to the same size it was when we entered. It became darker the further we went in, fewer lanterns were being lit. It felt like we should at least be seeing the dirt piles from knocking down the wall earlier.

“What?” Limestone abruptly shouted.

“Won’t get lost, huh?”

I lowered my head, settling on the dirt wall in front of us. It looked similar to the one earlier, except for some rocks sticking out of it, along with no small hole. At least, not one that I could see.

“Look, I know this is the way we came.” she said as she turned to us, gesturing to the obstacle before us. “You watched me knock this down. Maybe they came back and just, I don’t know, saw it was gone and assumed whoever was supposed to build it forgot to and did it for them?”

“Then, why wouldn’t they go further into their den?” I asked. “If they came back here, then that must have meant they finished whatever they were doing and wanted to rest or something. Why come down into this tunnel just to do that?”

“Chara’s got a point.” Applejack agreed, taking off her hat and dusting it. “As strange as it is, that seems to be what they did. Otherwise, we woulda ran into them on the way back, right?”

“Hm.” Limestone placed her free hand on her hip, leering at the dirt wall and then shrugging. “Whatever. I’ll just break it again, then we can do all the speculation you guys want with Twilight.”

“No, pony, you won’t.”

The gruff, appallingly familiar voice of a diamond dog struck my ear like a sour note. It took whatever strength I had that wasn’t sapped out of me to not collapse; it became harder to take in the rancid air, nauseating terror coursing through every inch of me. My heart beat so quickly it hurt.

My teeth began chattering for a very different reason.

“Oh wow. You guys are way more fugly up close.” Limestone remarked, setting the lantern down beside her.

I want to turn around, to see how many of them there were. There’s no way there was only one of them. However, I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. I couldn’t gather the resolve to just turn around, like my feet were rooted to the ground.

“Chara?” Applejack whispered as she stood next to me. “Listen, you’ll be alright. Ah promise. Ah’ve fought my way out of a horde of changelings before. This ain’t nothing.”

She pushed out her chest and stood tall, the confidence in her words almost reassuring. I wish I could believe them. I had what I thought was unwavering trust in them on the way here. Yet, standing here I realize how easily shaken that trust really was in the face of near certain death.

Even so, it helped just a little. I clutched my pendant so tightly that it hurt, dragging my feet as I turned around to face them once again.

There were three of them that I could see, though there were certainly others either underground or on their way. The ones on the right and left were exactly how Applejack described earlier: wearing armor and holding spears. Much more shabby than what I pictured. A steel chest plate with occasional spikes, and a similar helmet that only covered the top of their heads and barely had space to see. The rest of their body was left unprotected.

The spear itself was a wooden rod with a sharpened gemstone on the end. Either they didn’t have more armor and weapons, or they just chose those for some purpose. The one in the middle gave off a strange impression compared to any of the other’s I’d met so far, not wearing any armor or brandishing any kind of weapon. Instead, he wore a disgusted sneer, like just the presence of us revolted him. His pale yellow fur wasn’t as matted or blatantly dirty, and his vest actually looked clean with only one or two tears. In fact, he might be the only diamond dog that tries to take care of himself.

“Just like you ponies to care so much about appearances.” he remarked, spitting on the ground in disapproval.

As he approached us, I couldn’t help but fixate on the vertical, jagged scar down his left eye; Stark white and visible even through his fur. The eye itself was milky white, like a small cloud of mist had trapped itself in his pupil. It was hard to tell if he could even see out of it or not.

Oddly, something about it was unsettlingly familiar.

“Look, ah know we got off on the wrong hoof the first time around. Or claws, ah guess.” Applejack said as she stepped forward. “Yuh took one of our friends, and we rushed in all hot headed without even trying to talk. This time, we are. Just tell us why y'all are here, and ah’m sure we could work things out.”

They were only a few feet away, holding tightly onto their spears and waiting for the right moment. Every inch of my body was as rigid as they looked, waiting for the moment I would feel any vibration in the ground. I couldn’t shake the nagging curiosity about how they snuck up on us in the first place. Did they come from one of the other tunnels and saw us, then silently followed us to this point? Why wait?

What did I miss?

“Talk, that’s all you ponies want to do. Find how it benefits both of us, only when our problems become an inconvenience to you.” his words hardened as he pointed at Applejack, his other hand clutching so tightly I could see blood dripping between his fingers. “Would you have even bothered to ask why we’re here if ponies didn’t happen to complain?”

“Well, if Pinkie’s family hadn’t told us, we wouldn’t have known you were here in the first place. So, ah guess not. But if ya just asked somepony, ah’m su-”

“So ignorant!” he barked, baring his sickeningly yellow teeth. “You think it’s that easy for us to just ask for help from you ponies? We live in the ground, filthy and don’t have the same privileges you do! We ask for help, and what do you think you ponies will do? Run and hide, afraid of us because we aren’t ponies!”

He slammed his fist against the ground, so quickly and with abrupt strength even the other diamond dogs grip on the spears faltered for a moment. I glanced at Applejack out of the corner of my eye, expecting her to give some angry retort. Instead, she cringed. Biting her lower lip and averting her gaze and dropping her hat.

Limestone caught it too, opening her mouth to say something and then closing it.

“Ah…sadly know what yuh mean.” Applejack whispered, closing her eyes and sharply inhaling. “Ah’d also be lying if ah said ah’d never done something like that before. Ah accused somep-someone of doing something awful because they were a zebra, not a pony. We made amends, but that doesn’t make what ah did right.”

She took off her hat, pressing it against her chest and bowing her head. The diamond dog’s scornful scowl slipped for just a moment, peering down at her with tightened eyes.

“Ah’m deeply sorry that happened to yuh. Ah can’t speak for the pony who did that to yuh, but ah and my friends will help yuh in their place. Not just for them, for yuh diamond dogs too.”

Her words were nothing short of completely sincere, which made it even more painful to hear. We had already tried talking to them, which didn’t work. They wouldn’t even tell me why they were here in the first place, even after killing us. Why would an apology make that much of a difference? No matter how genuine, they’ve made it clear to me how little they want to negotiate.

Still, my rationalizing couldn’t bury the fleeting hope staying just above the water that all of this can be resolved peacefully.

“Your apology,” his voice was hushed, and didn’t carry the same harsh tone as before. The other dogs turned their head towards him, hanging on his words as much as we were. “is worthless. You can’t help us, not even if I believed you wanted to. We’ve had enough of your empty words: Action is the only thing you ponies take seriously.”

The dogs dropped their heads; whether they were nodding in agreement, or because his words saddened them, I couldn’t tell. Nor could I shake the feeling that something about his angry reaction felt off. Why was he so angry, but the other dogs so solemn? The ones that ambushed us before weren’t angry at all; panicked, somewhat reluctant to kill us, and then regretful after they did. The hostility from the first one appeared desperate, not malicious.

Was this one the same? Being aggressive as some kind of farce? I don’t understand; what do these diamond dogs want? If they wanted us to leave, why bother rebuilding the wall and trapping us down here with them?

“So, that’s it, then?” Limestone spoke up as she stepped forward. “Talking’s over? Good, I’m better at punching things than I am at talking to them.”

“Wait, Lime.” Applejack said, raising her head and placing her hat back on top of it. “We can just bust down the dirt wall again and leave. We don’t gotta stay and fight.”

“You could.” the diamond dog whispered, tapping the claw of his pointer finger against a rock in the ground. The guards beside him began moving towards us, lowering their spears to point at us. “The dogs on the other side might have something to say about that though.”

“Oh, now I see how it is.” Limestone began, raising her chin and scowling. “You never wanted to talk in the first place, huh? Right from the start, peace was never an option. Why even fucking bother trying to talk to us, then? Since our words are so worthless.”

“Because,” he flashed a toothy, disheartening grin. The corners of his lips shaking. “I wanted you to know what it felt like for your pleas to fall on deaf ears before you die.”

“Please, nopony’s been listening to what I say since I learned to talk.”

The unmistakable quaking of the ground came, rapidly approaching and from multiple directions. All of which were from behind them, none from the other side of the wall. Were they just sitting behind there in case we tried to escape? Or was it a bluff to prevent us from trying to leave in the first place?

I shook my head and bit the inside of my cheek; it didn’t matter. I needed to warn them, tell them what I could and explain after. As long as they were alive to question me, I didn’t care.

“Applejack, they’re going to come from below us!” I shouted as I turned to her, trying to ignore how similar my legs felt to jelly at the moment.

“Yeah, I figured.” Applejack said as she clenched her fists. Staring at the ground at nothing in particular, evidently concentrating on something. “Yer forgetting this ain’t my first rodeo; I know what they’ll do, more or less.”

“Below us?” Limestone asked out loud, wearing the smuggest grin I’d seen on her face yet. “You dogs really had no idea who was living on this farm, did you?”

She slowly pulled back her arm, clenching her fist and holding her punch. Within seconds, the dogs were right under us, about to unearth at any amount. Limestone didn’t wait, smashing elbow deep into the ground and creating a hole similar to the ones dug by them. There was a shrill yelping noise as she pulled out a medium-sized dog by its collar, holding it with one arm. Despite its weight, she wasn’t struggling to hold it at all.

“Put me down, pony!” it yelped as it fidgeted in her iron grip, taking a swipe at her. With little effort, she grabbed his arm by the wrist and stopped it completely. Slamming him to the ground in a flash, burying him in the ground and leaving only half his face uncovered.

At the same time, another diamond dog shot out of the ground right under AJ’s nose. She darted back, just barely avoiding being grazed by one of the claws. Her boots dug into the dirt, skidding and leaving a small trail.

Her eyes widened as it pulled itself out of the ground, revealing how large it was; arms longer than my torso, and a body to match. It was as big as the gray one, if not larger. However, Applejack didn’t seem deterred by its size at all. She dug her feet in the ground, snorting as she jumped forward towards it. It tried to slash at her, but she ducked under with her hat temporarily off her head, falling back on top perfectly.

She pressed herself against its chest, wrapping her arms around it and tightly clasping her hands together. I watched as she clenched her jaw, bending her knees and lifted the diamond dog off the ground. In an instant, she bent backward, slamming it head first into the ground right behind her. With so much raw force that the upper half was completely entrenched, legs limply sticking out.

Applejack suplexed a huge diamond dog, just because she could.

“Limestone, don’t hurt’em too bad, ya hear? They might be willing to talk after we kick their flanks.” Applejack shouted as she stood straight.

“You don’t have to tell me. Just because I live on a shithole farm in the middle of nowhere, doesn’t mean I wasn’t taught morals.”

I took a few steps back, my gaze fixed on the awe-inspiringly strong ponies in front of me. I knew they were strong before, with Limestone breaking rocks for a living and Applejack bucking trees all day, but this was absurd. Neither of them even look tired from it at all!

I glanced at my right hand, fingers twitching as I considered conjuring a knife to help them. The thought had crossed my mind more than once, even if I knew I’d be more useless than usual afterwards if the first time was anything to go by. The slightest bit of doubt hung in the back of my throat, questioning if these two would really be enough.

That doubt was vanquished, and any tepid desire to help with it. The best thing I could do was just watch and wait for everything to work out.

The armored dogs ran forward, growling and pointing their spears. As their armor clanked and bounced with each step, threatening to come off, the one in the middle just watched. If he was worried, he didn’t show it. All he did was focus his piercing, spite filled scowl on me. Not breaking it from me for a moment, and it instilled an unsettling anxiety in me that grew worse by the second.

I grit my teeth as I looked around, waiting for any sign of other diamond dogs. Why wasn’t he worried about the two that just got taken down? Did he have something still lying in wait? Some kind of trap? He kept staring at me, even though I hadn’t said anything to them. In fact, the diamond dogs shouldn’t even know what I am, yet they haven’t bothered to ask or point it out in any of the loops.

What am I still missing?

Applejack pressed her right foot deep in the ground, the tip of her boots covered in dirt. She kicked up a cloud of it right into the charging dog’s face, blinding the little vision their helmet allowed. Without hesitating, she kicked the spear out of its temporarily loosened clutched. So much force that it pierced the dirt wall it landed in.

Then, with a swift one legged swirl, she spun and slammed her leg right in the center of its body. A grating sound of its armor creaking and bending followed, as it yelped in pain and tumbled backwards. The chest plate, once giving off a minor bit of intimidation, now had a deep indent of Applejack’s log-like legs.

Limestone, on the other hand, didn’t make a single move as they charged her; Just standing still with her arms limp at her side. As soon as the armored dog was in range and made a stab at her, she grabbed the spear by its shaft with both her hands, stopping it and the dog in its place. It tried to pull the spear out, using its entire body, but nothing worked.

In a moment, she stole the spear from it and shoved the unsharpened end into its stomach with enough force to knock the air out of them even through their armor; casually throwing the spear onto the floor afterwards.

“I’ve always wanted to try this.” Limestone muttered excitedly, lacing her fingers together and popping them, flexing her muscles comparable to Applejack’s. “Discombobulate.”

She slammed her hands against both sides of its head, exactly where its ears would be. Its entire body violently shook, starting at its head and spreading to the rest of its body, then stopping. At first, it didn’t do anything. Limestone cautiously retracted her arms, prepared to react at a moment's notice.

Then it just...fell forward. Like a tree being cut down in the forest, collapsing onto the ground with a loud thud. It was hard for me to tell, but I think blood was streaming from under its helmet where its ears would be.

“And then there was one.” Limestone drawled as she turned to the scarred dog, who had remained unmoving.

His scowl had deepened, lips curled into a snarl, yet he still didn’t take his eyes off me. I backed up even further, hitting the dirt wall behind us. Even as they defeated the diamond dogs with ease, he didn’t appear concerned. Frustrated, yes, but not concerned.

Which just worried me more; Why wasn’t he?

There had to be something in store, more diamond dogs coming or something. No matter where I looked, not a single thing was out of place. What was I-

The spot beside me exploded as a claw burst through, grabbing me by the chest like it knew exactly where I was. I couldn’t help but scream as it dug into my chest, blood trailing down my body. Just as I expected it to sink deeper and kill me, the scarred dog whistled and it stopped. Leaving its dirt covered nails in, almost certainly infecting the wounds.

“Chara!” Applejack screamed, turning around as her pupils constricted. “Tartarus, ah’ll-”

She didn’t get over two steps before the scarred dog made his move, much faster than I would have expected. He ran towards Applejack on all fours, snatching up the spear Limestone threw on the ground. Taking immediate advantage of that shift in attention like he’d been waiting for it, stabbing through her from behind.

Although they’re both physically very strong, Applejack and Limestone weren’t invincible. This reality bore itself to me as I watched it go straight through her, covered in her blood as she stopped where she was. Limestone, who certainly could have prevented it if she saw it coming, had briefly directed her attention to me.

She peered down at it, mouth ajar and color draining from her face. Her trembling hands wrapping around it as she grits her teeth, trying to pull it out. Limestone yelled, running over to Applejack. The dog growled, letting go of the spear and slashing the back of AJ’s legs before burrowing into the ground.

“Get back here, you fucking mut!” Limestone roared, smashing her fist where it just was.

Applejack collapsed to her knees, struggling to stay conscious. Limestone stifled her rage, getting behind Applejack and lowering her into her arms. She pulled Applejack’s hands off the spear, ripping off her sleeves and wrapping it around the shaft.

“Don’t try to remove it, it’s the only thing stopping you from bleeding out too quickly.”

“H-help,” Applejack wheezed out, grabbing one of Limestone’s arms by her wrist. “Help…chara.”

I had been completely frozen, trying to process how quickly things had gone wrong. My hands dug into the dirt wall I was pressed into, terrified to even push against the claw so close to being wrapped around my heart. In the span of less than a minute, Applejack was now dying.

All because I got caught in their trap. Now I can only watch.

There was a whistling noise, similar to the one from the diamond dog I’d talk to before. Right after, the dog on the other side retracted its arm, letting me fall to the ground, blood leaking through and coating my pendant. I couldn’t think: my ears painfully rang and breathing was hard. I couldn’t even form words as Limestone shouted my name, laying AJ on the ground and running towards me.

I watched in horror as an arm came out of the ground behind her, reaching up and grabbing Limestone by the tail. She yelped as she was pulled to the ground, forced on her back. She slammed her hooves against the ground, pressing her hands against the dirt and trying to stand up. Putting visible effort as the dog holding her must have been using all their strength just to hold down her tail.

Once again, I felt the ground quake as a diamond dog approached. This time from the other side of the way, and was moving rapidly. I tried to get to my feet, to do anything. However, each time I tried, the gashes hurt more; not to mention my body simply didn’t want to comply, no matter how much I wanted it to.

The diamond dog pounced out, spinning like a drill full of ill intent down at her. She brought up her arms, gripping it by its forearm with the sharp edges inches away. Limestone grit her teeth, the veins on her head pulsating as she tried to pull herself out of the ground at the same time.

As I finally got to my feet, I tried to concentrate on my right hand; If I recall correctly, she said it required an intense emotion and to think of my right hand as ‘the eye of the storm’. I squeezed my eyes as I tried to ignore the sound of Limestone’s struggle, to just conjure a knife in my hands. Even if I collapse afterwards, I can at least do something to help keep them alive.

I’m tired of watching people die.

As the pressure built up in my head, the diamond dog that was holding her tail jutted an arm out of the ground, stabbing her in one of her arms. She howled in pain as the diamond dog above her kept pushing, skewering her throat. Soon, her screaming turned into wet whimpers, then nothing as her movements halted completely. Arms falling limply to the side as blood pooled under head.

I fell to my knees, leaning forward and clenching the dirt in between my fingers. I was almost too afraid to check on Applejack, but I couldn’t help but slowly turn to her; like watching tragedy unfold before me, it was harder not to.

The lifelessness of her eyes was telling enough, along with the puddle of blood she lay in. I wasn’t even paying attention to her, when I could have rushed over to her or Limestone. Instead, I completely froze, and they died when I could have helped them.

Now, it was too late. My inaction cost their lives. I could have done something sooner, I could have tried to do something sooner instead of hesitating. Even if… I killed the diamond dogs, they’d be alive.

I had everything the way I wanted it to be, and things still went wrong.

Because of me.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I lowered my head to the ground, despair swelling up inside me until it reached my throat. I openly sobbed, bordering on unhindered wailing, my stomach twisting painfully. I didn’t care if the diamond dogs were still there, it didn’t matter.

They were just going to kill me, anyway.

“What are you?”

I didn’t even register the scarred dog walking up to me, standing with the antler necklace in his right hand; He must have looted it off Applejack. His hand clutched it tightly, the chain slinking through his fingers. I slowly raised my head, expecting some kind of smug smile, glaring down at me in a sense of superiority.

Instead, I just saw more anger. Maybe even more than when he first showed up.

A glare so deep I wondered if it would stick, teeth pressing against each other so tightly they looked like they would chip at any moment. So much hate flared in his eyes, the burning rage flickering so powerfully from him I nearly felt heat among the cold.

“Why,” I uttered. “Are you still angry? You won, you killed the ponies who came here to help you. Again.”

“…won?” he questioned, voice shaking in loose restraint. “That was never what this was about. We’re not here by choice!”

The smell of his breath was worse than the air; I couldn’t help but stop breathing for a moment. I pressed my hand against my nose, splattering some dirt on myself.

“We aren’t either!” I shouted back, ignoring how much it hurt to speak. “We’re…only here to help you diamond dogs, that’s it. No-”

“You mean get rid of us!” he got in my face, grabbing me by the collar and lifting me off the ground with ease; another reminder of how weak I am. “You ponies help only when it's convenient for you, forcing your elements on us like you're better! Ponies don’t kill, and now they’ve died for that.”

He gestured towards Applejack and Limestone, not daring to look at them himself. Even with all the spite in his voice, all the spewing and screaming, his anger still didn’t have me convinced. It felt so fake, something he wasn’t used to acting out. Shouting just to shout, getting visibly more upset the longer he spoke.

I’ve witnessed the real thing too many times to not see through this.

“Is it that hard for you to just to ask for help? So what if they only came here to help other ponies? They still wanted to help you! Even knowing you wanted to take their lives, they wouldn’t kill you. Because they’re good people.”

“Of course, ‘because they’re good people.’” he said with a hateful chuckle, mocking what I’d just said. “Ponies and their hero complex, needing to save species less fortunate than them to show how good they are! How superior! And it's spread to you.”

I recoiled, squinting my eyes as I tried to pull myself out of his grip. Despite his claws poking into my neck, any movement risking my throat being gouged out, I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

“What? No, I’m not…” I stuttered out. “The ponies are the heroes, not me. I just wanted to make sure they were ok, I didn’t wan-”

“Then why come here in the first place?! If you only cared about ponies, why just stand there? Why…” for just a moment, the anger was replaced by something else. He winced, breaking eye contact and crinkling his nose. “Didn’t you stop us?”

His voice took an unexpectedly low tone, letting go of the antler necklace in his claw and allowing it to drop to the ground. I glanced down at my right hand, covered in dirt with a sticky sensation that I wasn’t sure was real or not. I still could stop them, or at least him. Conjure a knife in my hand and stab him in the throat before he could do anything about it, watching him choke on his blood and die like Limestone did.

It would be so easy, but what would be the point?

“Because, I wanted to believe them.” I admitted, letting my body drop as I stopped struggling. “I wanted to believe no one had to be hurt, that you could be helped. That no one would get killed, that…” it clicked in my mind how I wanted to play this out.

I understood Frisk more and more every day; words could never express how terrifying that was.

“I could be a pacifist. And everyone can be saved.”

“A pacifist?” he whispered. “When you know your precious ponies are in danger, you still did nothing?”

He stepped away, saying nothing as I dropped back to the ground.

“Then you’re worse: a failed hero, and a coward.

A genuine hostility coated his words, stinging with a pain unlike anything his claws could do. Nor could I deny the validity of them; I stood there when I could have been helping, when I could have done something. I knew how serious the diamond dogs were, how dangerous they were. All the things I didn’t want to say, if only I just trusted them. I…

This was because of me; I made the same mistake again.

This was my plan in the first place. I convinced Twilight to let me go alone with them. If Fluttershy was here, maybe she could have saved Applejack. Or, if they weren’t with me, they wouldn’t have been caught off guard and would have won.

It was just like with Asriel; I thought I knew better. I thought I could control things. Instead, I got to watch them die again and again. Unable to do anything but stand and watch.

Nothing changed at all.

I haven’t changed at all.

The corners of my lips curled upward, tears streaming down my face. A strange, heavy sensation came over me. So potent, so agonizing. I couldn’t help but chuckle, and I hated it so much. It sat inside of me like poison, spreading to the rest of my body and leaking out of my mouth through a sickening guffaw.

It devolved into inane giggling, until I was painfully pressing my hands against my chest. Gasping for air in between each one, pleading for it to be my last. Just for another grating cackle to force its way out of my hoarse throat. It hurt so much, I could even taste blood.

Every inhale was a sharp pain to my lungs, each one more unbearable than the last. The cold, repulsive air pricked the inside of my mouth like a thousand thorns. A searing migraine pulsating with each heartbeat, made worse following every exhale.

Even as I tried to beg with the few words I could stammer out.

Even as I could make out the scarred dog saying something in front of me.

Even as I called out for help, knowing nobody was going to come.

I couldn’t stop laughing.

______________

There was no burning when I woke up in Fluttershy’s arms this time.

No warmth in my chest, or anywhere else. I could feel the softness of her arms, count each of her heartbeats, but it didn’t feel like I was there. For a moment, there was just the soreness in my throat, and the tightness of being unable to catch my breath.

Then I opened my eyes, and saw where I was.

It was tempting to take in a deep breath, to breathe where the air wasn’t disgustingly terrible and cold.

I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I was terrified that I’d start laughing again.

I removed Fluttershy’s arms, moving to the end of the bed. Gripping the corners so firmly I could feel splinters embedding themselves into the palms of my hands. It got harder not to breathe, but as long as I didn’t take that first whiff of clean air, I could sit still.

No shaking or uncontrollable trembling. Just utter rigidness that offered a silent comfort, even for just in an instance.

“Chara?”

I didn’t turn around; there was no strength left for me to look into her eyes. Her weight shifting as she sat up, stretching her wings and moving closer to me. Staying just out of range of touch.

“What’s wrong?”

I took in a hesitant breath, unable to hold out any longer. The warm, odorless air filled my lungs and replaced the phantom chill that had made its home there. The moment I let go of the bed, that feeling of stickiness in between my fingers came back. So prominent that I couldn’t even feel the dried tears of my face from the night before.

It would be so easy to turn to her, to weep into her shoulder and soak in her kindness. To find just a moment of peace.

But I didn’t have it in me to do that anymore.

“...me.”

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