Chapter 26: Sonata.
I want to listen to music.
It was an odd desire, stuck in the recess of my brain and unwilling to recede. There was no buildup, no train of thought that had derailed into somewhere else entirely. I’d just been laying on my bed, trying to process everything that happened: Discord, his cult, the necklace, all of it.
As always, the answers came with more questions, which would inevitably lead to more question-spurning answers; a cycle that was sustained by itself in a disturbingly parasitic way. Of course, being aware of this didn’t make my curiosity any less potent; if anything, it made it worse. Like a poison that killed me a little quicker the more I ate it.
Maybe it was playing that piano, or Luna praising me for it, that made me want to just block out the rest of the world. To drown it out with the pleasant tune of familiar patterns, just until things started making sense again.
For a while, I was content to lie in my bed like a depressed sloth; combing through every song I had memorized with some humming and tapping of fingers. Unfortunately, that lost its appeal pretty fast. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, staring into the alluring nothingness as the moonlight was once again the only thing stopping darkness from consuming every inch of my room.
With heavy reluctance, I got to my feet, strutting over to the balcony door and opening it. I immediately regretted it as the cool night air made me question if I was still wearing clothes. Every night felt like it was getting colder and colder, I was sure that anytime now there would be snow. Alongside this thought came the reminder that many of Fluttershy’s animals will be going into hibernation, even sweet, spoiled Angel.
She gets lonely without them, I’m sure.
Canterlot was, as I last saw it, lively; with various ponies flying around, wandering the streets, or just enjoying themselves in some way. It was cold, but not cold enough to snow quite yet. In all honesty, I never liked snow; hated it, in fact. In my village, every winter might have well been a death sentence for a select, unfortunate few. No matter how much of my body was covered or how many layers, it always pierced through the feeble barrier of warmth I was using to keep it out.
That was, until I met Asriel; who loved snow to a feverish extent.
A town called Snowdin, as its name would imply, always had it in abundance. It never got more snow, and it never got less. At least once a week, Asriel would beg Toriel for a visit to Snowdin. Every now and again, she’d cave and take us; bundled in so many clothes we almost had to roll there, but we’d go nonetheless.
He did just about everything one can do with snow: eat it, make snow angels, snowmen, and to my dismay, snowball fights. It wasn’t like the snow there was less cold or anything; even Toriel’s overprotective clothing could only do so much.
It was something about the joy he radiated when I played with him. It was purer than the snow, and filled me with a heat that was enough to make me tolerate it. At times, I may have even looked forward to it.
“A magnificent sight, is it not? No matter how many times we see it, it always leaves us entranced.”
At some point during my trip down memory lane, Luna had apparently appeared by my side, staring at the city beneath us. I stiffened, gripping the railing of the balcony so tightly the cold practically reached my bones. Luckily, it passed as I tried to just focus on my breathing for a moment and forced my heart back in my chest instead of the back of my throat.
“It is, yeah.” I agreed, letting go of the railing and cupping my hands together; blowing air into them for warmth. “Are you here for the antler?”
She pursed her lips, wings ruffling as she glanced at me. Her horn lit up and covered me in her magic with a sheen that spread across my body. With it came a tingling that wasn’t heat so much as the absence of it, or any real temperature. I didn’t feel the cold anymore, which was weird considering I could still see my breath so I knew it was still cold out. Did she cast some spell that just made it to where I can’t feel the cold anymore?
“Indeed. Although, I would prefer to leave that for last. We would like to just talk with you, if you find that acceptable?”
“Oh,” I tentatively placed my hands back on the rails, finding that they weren’t cold anymore. They just felt like metal without the icy chill I usually associated with it; and it was jarring to say the least. “Ok.”
“I have been thinking about the conversation we had about Haylet; that has been one of my favorite pieces of literature. I’ve spoken with passion among many who’ve read it, I spent much of my time on the moon thinking about it, I’ve read many renditions, yet none have offered such a different interpretation on it. Part of me wants to offer my gratitude for opening my mind, alas it has changed how I look at Haylet as a whole; and I may not be able to perceive it the same again.”
Luna crossed her arms over the rails, resting her chin on her forearms and staring off into the stars. Her voice dripped with somber, completely lacking in that confidence that she carried with every word; it was beyond unsettling.
“I’m sorry.”
Luna must have found something funny about my uncertain apology as she laughed, shutting her eyes and shaking her head as she turned to me. “No need to apologize. You have a unique mind and shared it with me when I requested so; that is not something that requires forgiveness.”
She moved closer to me, stretching out her wing to touch me and, like Brash, froze in the middle of it and tried to play it off as a gesture. Luna retracted her wing before pushing some of her mane out of her face. Her hair was moving with a gorgeous fluidity as always, regardless of the breeze being relatively weak, if chilly. It was hard to say how it took me so long to notice, but she was missing her black crown and peytral today. It was nowhere in sight, so she must have left them somewhere before coming here.
I found myself staring at the sparkles in her mane that resembled stars, drawing patterns among them with my imagination until they vaguely resemble shapes.
“There are no constellations in my hair, if that is what you are searching for; many have tried and none have succeeded.” Luna stated with a tilt of her head, seemingly unbothered by my leering.
I tore my gaze away, avoiding eye contact and repeatedly swallowing as I tried to find something to focus on; I’m sure if it wasn’t for the spell I’d be able to feel how warm my ears had gotten.
There were some performers in the streets of Canterlot, gathering a crowd from their playing. I couldn’t make out what the instruments were, only that one was being held in magic and another was being held and played with wings, but I could vaguely hear what they were playing if I concentrated and tried to tune out the rest of the idle chatter; it was loud and upbeat, with lyrics being sung too out of earshot to make out from here.
What they were playing lacked any consistency or pattern, it felt mostly, if not entirely, improvised. Even so, the vigor in their playing was tangible to anyone who heard it. The performers were putting their heart and soul into every note, and that passion -and how rowdy they were being- was attracting a lot of attention.
It was hard not to smile at it.
“I don’t think there’s anything unique about my mind.” As I peered down at the city, I saw the crowd getting larger and larger. “I’m just,” I tapped a finger against my chin, trying to think of a word that fit best. It was sharper than I recalled, I should really cut them.
The urge to chew them down to nubs poked its ugly head, and I held it down for as long as I could.
“Pessimistic? Or cynical might be a better word for it.”
“Is that right? I’ve heard cynicism is simply the lack of ignorance, or perhaps ‘hyperperceptive’ would be a better descriptor? Whatever the case, I believe you are giving yourself far too little credit.” Luna flew up briefly and landed on the edge of the balcony, sitting on the railing with her legs dangling. “I mentioned prior that there are shockingly few piano players in Equestria; what I realized later was that you were the first I’d heard since my return. For that, I have no qualms in thanking you for reminding me of my fondness for that musical muse.”
She grinned at me, her midnight orbs widening with an infectious sincerity. “Just as well, you often partake in consuming literature with your free time; I dare say you even have aspects of many artists I have known. It is tempting to see you try your hand at writing or even drawing.”
The conversation with Twilight about the ‘plan’ I made came to mind.“Oh no no no,” I stuttered out with a dismissive wave of my hands, hiding however much of my face that I could behind my hair as I recalled her remark about them being childlike. “I…can’t draw. Twilight said as much.”
“Truly? I do not recall her mentioning such in her letters.” She raised an eyebrow, leaning backwards and somehow managing not to fall over. “Very well, then what about writing? You gain a new understanding and appreciation of literature when you’ve tried to create it yourself.”
“Writing?” I considered it for a moment; I’d kept a journal to keep track of everything, but that didn’t compare to trying to write a story. Creating characters, a world, plots, and trying to manage it all with competence and consistency? “I wouldn’t even know where to start. Sometimes, I suck at even finding the right words to say, much less what to put onto paper.”
“That’s the greatest thing about writing: you can start anywhere. Tell any story, any way you like. It is like honing any skill, it will take practice and the patience to learn. If you truly wanted to start somewhere, then poetry may be best suited for you.” Luna lifted her chin to the sky, moving her eyes back and forth between the stars. “Of course, it is up to you to decide whether you are interested enough to indulge. I’m simply making you aware of the possibility; it would be a shame for you to be hesitant in a hobby you may enjoy due to a lack of confidence.”
“I’ll think about it.”
A lack of confidence? It wasn’t that; I just couldn’t imagine myself ever getting into writing. Not just because I wouldn’t be good at it, I doubt I’d have the time either. Maybe when I first came to Ponyville and was reading or spending time with Fluttershy’s animals, I could have done so. Now, even if I got to go back to Ponyville, I had a feeling things would be different.
Luna’s face was absent of any real expression, her gaze weightless as she didn’t linger on any part of the night sky for more than a few seconds; there was something peaceful about it. I opened my mouth to say something, but I was reluctant to as I couldn’t bring myself to ruin her mood.
Instead, I watched the street performers gain more and more attention. Inevitably, they fizzled out. Eventually, their music lost what I could only describe as passion, settling into something that sounded similar, but more clinical almost. The ponies lost interest and went back to whatever they were doing prior, while the performers eventually stopped and propped their instruments against the wall, just resting where they were. I couldn’t make out what they were doing exactly, still I presumed they were talking about what they just did and how they could improve.
I tried to ignore the tinge of disappointment when the last note played, wishing it had gone on for just a little longer.
The later notes of their impromptu melody grabbed something in my mind with the tug of familiarity; the motif specifically if I was using that term correctly. It was reminiscent of one of the songs Frisk played, although which one was stuck on the tip of my tongue like a lingering bad taste. I mentally went through the song, humming along the way and tapping my fingers on the railing.
It felt wrong playing air piano, especially after playing an actual piano myself rather than watching someone else. There was no actual sound, just the hollow notes that were only a fraction of what I was trying to replicate. Nor was there the feeling of the cool keys being pressed down with each flick of my finger, albeit some hesitation in each movement as I was playing it for the first time. When Frisk had them memorized, he played the song with a fluidity that made me admittedly jealous of how much he’d refined his playing.
She mentioned that writing can garner a stronger appreciation of literature; does the same apply to music? If I learned how to play each song, would I come to enjoy it in a way I couldn’t before? It would take time, so much time, and maybe more patience than I could muster.
Luna’s offer came to mind, one I gave far less thought to than I should.
“When you said that I can go down and play the piano whenever I want,” she barely reacted to me, still staring at the painted canvas that was the night sky. “Did you mean it?”
“Indeed, I would not jest about such a thing. The sentinels there have been informed that you may ask for entrance at a given moment, and they have been told to allow your entrance. Unless it is in use, which has not been for the better part of a dozen moons if what I have been told can be believed. In such a case, I apologize, but I would not ask you to be taken priority over someone else.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to. I-” I shut my mouth, deciding to leave my half-formed words in my mind before I stumbled over them. “Thanks. I wish there was something I could do for you.”
“There is: never stop playing piano. You truly have a gift, and gifts can turn into burden’s if you let them. From the way you carry yourself, I do not believe you can handle anymore weight.”
Despite whatever temperature spell she cast on me, a chill went down my spine at the bluntness of her words. I wanted to ask what she meant by that, but I wasn’t sure if she’d tell me.
I don’t think I wanted her to.
Luna hadn’t moved for a tense moment, her lips curled into a brooding frown. Now her gaze was locked onto one patch of stars, rigidly gripping the railing.
“When I return with the appendage of entropy, Celestia wants to discuss how to proceed with you.”
It wasn’t a surprise, really; both of us knew that's where the conversation would have to go sooner or later.
“And,” My breathing hitched, forcing the question out that I didn’t really want an answer to. “What are you going to tell her?”
“I have been thinking about that very question since I came here. To be frank, I had trouble believing you had slaughtered those diamond dogs; not that I doubted Twilight’s word of course. It was difficult for me to see you as capable of it. Now, however,” her mane dropped like a curtain as she stepped off the railing, facing me fully for the first time tonight. “I agree with my sister that you can be trusted, and that you should be given an opportunity to earn our trust. It will take further contemplation and well-formed words during discussion to come to any conclusion beyond that.”
I chewed on my lip, pulling my chin to my chest and rolled my shoulders. My hands felt stuck to the railing, though that might have been because it was just that cold and I couldn’t tell. I let go, meeting her eyes for at least a few moments until that tingle of discomfort that forced me to look anywhere else.
“You don’t think I’ve been lying?”
“Not at all. I can not speak for the others, but I believe you've been truthful to me thus far.” Luna’s jaw clenched as she closed her eyes, her wings hugging her hips. “It is yourself you should be more honest with.”
“Honest with myself?” I repeated, touching the base of my neck. “What do you mean?”
“If I had to explain it to you, then it would be pointless.” Luna said as she began walking into my room. “I should depart soon. While Tia has more patience than anyone in Equestria, Shining Armor and Cadance are not so tested. Where is the antler?”
I found my backpack slouching against one of the bedposts and picked it up, opening my inventory as usual and retrieving the crude accessory. As I did, I saw a plate of food on the nightstand, one of the guards must have delivered it while we were on the balcony. It looked to be a pile of small sandwiches and a glass of some creamy, yellow liquid. The sandwiches themselves had a variety of things in them, everything from different kinds of flowers and vegetables to some that had meat of some kind.
Celestia likely didn’t know what I ate exactly and so gave me a little bit of everything. At least she’s considerate.
“That is,” upon seeing it, Luna lost her composure and tensed up so rigidly she briefly resembled the statues in the garden. It was already fleeting as she recovered in a matter of seconds, her chest greatly rising and falling with each breath. With a trembling hand, she pulled out a small box from one of her pajama pockets that strongly resembled the chest that was in the diamond dog’s den.
She visibly relaxed after the antler was in the box and clicked shut, giving a small sigh of relief once the box was out of sight. “I had underestimated the discomfort of being in its presence; the descriptions I’d been given do not do it justice. Your immunity to its putrid aura is enviable.”
“Uh,” I stared at the box until it was gone, finding more of its tiny details identical to the chest; just a bit larger and I don’t think I’d be able to tell a difference. “Thanks?”
“One last thing before I go; you recall when I mentioned that Kindness is experiencing nightmares, yes?”
“Fluttershy?” I perked my head up, giving Luna my undivided attention. Her nightmares had completely slipped my mind, getting buried under the mass of everything else that hung around my head and made itself known when least convenient. “Is she ok?”
“Very, that’s what I wanted to let you know. I’ve been checking on her every night and doing what I can, she’s getting better; The nightmares have become less frequent and severe. Even more good news, she has started talking with the others and gradually helping them to her utmost. Given a week’s time, she won’t be completely recovered I think, but I am confident she won’t need my help anymore either.”
My legs gave out as a wave of relief washed over me; with the grace of a falling squirrel, I landed right on the bed. I pressed my palms to my hands and just counted my erratic heartbeats for half a minute that seemed to go on for an exceedingly long time.
“Are you alright?” Luna approached me, concern etched on her face like a glowing object in the dark. “I hope I was not mistaken in believing that was good news.”
“It is good news. I’m just,” a shaky laugh slid through my lips, which filled me with a sense of colossal terror. I immediately slapped my hand over my mouth, holding my breath and ignoring the growing pressure in my lungs that begged me to inhale. “Glad she’s ok.”
Luna was visibly straining to not reach out physically to console me, wings shaking as she restrained them like I’d seen Fluttershy do so many times. “She still cares for you, Chara. The others do as well, but, from my understanding, you were particularly intimate with her. No matter what decision we come to, I give you my word I will look over her and the rest.”
“Thank you Luna, really.” I held on to the blanket, vaguely able to tell how cold it was now. Luna’s spell must be wearing off. It still felt incredibly foreign though, like hearing a familiar sound from a distance but instead with temperature. “It means a lot.”
“Of course.” She nodded, giving a slight wave with her wing. “I must go then. Au revoir, Chara.”
She left through the balcony, closing the door behind her and flying off into the night. Perhaps I could attribute it to my imagination, but the moon got just a little brighter after she left. Even through the doors I could make out some parts of the city, though the lights were becoming dimmer and it was dying down. Less noise could be heard until there was only a silence, leaving me with no background noise except for the faint ringing in my ears that was always there.
After the boredom set in, I continued the books I had checked out; or at least tried to. I was still trying to wrap my mind around a lot of the stuff past the first couple of chapters in the introductory books, skimming sections of the other books whenever I needed a break from that. My body, specifically my stomach, decided that having something to eat while trudging through an entire chapter describing the difference between astronomy and astrology would have been ideal.
I set aside the books, separating the sandwiches with meat or vegetables from the ones with flowers. It repulsed me at first, until subsiding to a level of tolerance where the knots in my chest uncoiled one by one. The drink itself was unlike anything I’d tasted before, yet also familiar? It was milk-like but had a creamier texture and a much more concentrated taste to it. There was a label on the back of the glass that read ‘eggnog’.
“Huh.” I muttered to myself as I stared at the glass, deciding that I liked it and took another drink.
------
By the time I finished most of the books, it was morning. I hardly even saw that fog-like haze of sunlight come about until there was that signature chirping of birds, and a tingle of weariness came over me at the realization I had spent the entire night reading books about stars until the sun rose. I wasn’t even sure how interested I really was in astronomy, or maybe I had just needed something to keep myself busy. I could always try to go back to sleep; the problem being I’ve already done a lot of that recently and too much usually made me feel worse than a lack of it would.
“You up, Chara?” Brash asked following a loud knocking on the door.
I closed my eyes and shut the book I was coasting through, letting the fatigue course through me, taunting me with the allure of temporary unconsciousness. It was so tempting to give in, and I wasn’t even really tired; I just didn’t want to be awake or do anything.
“Yeah, I am.” I replied, scooping up the books and placing them in my backpack. “Unfortunately.”
I whispered that last part.
They opened the door, with Brash giving me a wave and then proceeding to check the nightstand. Luster did the same, though was watching me more out of the edges of her vision than whatever she was sorting through.
“Wow, all of this stuff is exactly where it was during the last inventory check. Do you just,” she shut the drawer, turning to me with a tilt of her head. “Not touch anything in here?”
“No, not really.” There was a gross taste in my mouth that made itself known when I talked. It was easy to forget how needy having a body was at times even after close to a month of having one again. Hardly two days and I already felt dirty and in need of a shower. Admittedly, that was partly because of how much of a nervous wreck I was while talking to Celestia, and then having to ‘spar’ with the head of the royal guard didn’t help. “Everything I need is in my backpack. I don’t really know what’s in most of this room.”
“A hairbrush, comb, mane ties, and a ribbon.” Luster listed off, walking up to my bed and scowling at one corner where the blanket had been pulled off the corner. She fixed it with her magic, along with the rest of the bed, until it resembled how it looked when I first came here. “It's more of the same in the dresser. Just with some added accessories, some makeup, and stuff like that. This room is typically reserved for nobles, and so they like having an abundance of options despite knowing they’ll never really use them.”
“Hm,” I got my second pair of clothes from the backpack, which I had neglected to have cleaned. I couldn’t really change into them, but I couldn’t see Celestia with what I was wearing now either. “Is there somewhere I can do laundry? I only have one other set of clothes and it isn’t clean.”
“You only have two sets of clothing?” Brash questioned, raising an eyebrow like it was the most out of place thing she’d heard. “Huh. You struck me as someone who would over-pack whenever they go somewhere. Anyway, yeah there’s a laundry room just down the hall. We can go ahead and take it there and it should be good whenever you’re done talking to Celestia, or we can do it now and it’ll probably be done when you’re done taking a shower; unless you take really brisk showers.”
“Celestia?” I assumed she would have wanted to talk to me after whatever decision she settled on, I’d just not given any thought to what I’d do if that decision was to stay here. Would they continue to provide me with everything they have so far, or would my living conditions become more restricted? I suppose living in the castle wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
Not being able to see Fluttershy, Angel, or any of the others might just be though.
“Yeah,” I clutched my clothes to my chest, then offered them to Brash. “A shower sounds like what I need right about now. They usually only take half an hour, is that long enough?”
“Ehhhh,” she took it in her wing, rubbing the fabric with the tips of her feathers. “Probhaps. I’ll ask Squeaky Clean to prioritize it since she owes me a favor for setting her up with Resounding Vibration. Should be enough time to wash both sets of your clothes actually.”
“Wait, that was you?” Luster’s head drew back as she turned to Brash, her typically stoic expression faltering with a widening of her eyes and parting of her lips. “I should have known she’d never be able to approach a thestral by herself. Still, you’re the last pony I’d expect to play matchmaker.”
“Hey, give me some credit! They’re still together, aren’t they?” Brash shot back, tossing my clothes onto her shoulder. “You’d be right though: I’m really not. She just asked me out drinking one night and got really plastered and started crying about- oh! That reminds me.” With a beat of her wings, she was hovering in the air. She floated over to the door and beckoned for Luster to follow as she glanced at me over her shoulder. “Chara, you’ll actually be meeting Princess Celestia in the basement today; Breakfast will be served afterwards this time around.”
“Why?”
“I dunno, didn’t ask. Princess stuff I guess.”
She’d mentioned once that there was something in the cellar she wanted to show me, it could easily be that. I’m sure there were dozens of worse-case scenarios I could have thought of if I indulged my paranoia for long enough, but I was honestly so mentally wiped out from the reading that I needed the shower just as a breather.
When taking off my clothes, I froze when it came to my shirt; I hadn’t seen my wrist since Celestia healed me. Even when I changed into the hoodie, I averted my gaze to anywhere else. There was no logic behind it, really. The marks on my shoulder even when healed weren’t gone completely, yet there was this irrational fear that the cut on my wrist had. That, the second it wasn’t covered with my sleeve, it wouldn’t be there anymore.
I wish I could put into words why that idea shook me with such riveting dread.
I held my breath as I peeled the bandage off, finding the blood had been long dried, and the cut had healed into a faded scar. It felt like the rest of my skin as I traced a finger across it, it was hardly noticeable. Fluttershy would only see it if she knew what to look for, so she likely won’t have to find out.
Unless Twilight learned that I didn’t tell her about it like I said I would, and decided to inform her in my stead.
I forced those intrusive thoughts out, tying them to the back of my mind until it tore itself free and declared its existence.
For now, I just wanted to take a shower without crying or having a near-nervous breakdown. After putting my clothes outside for Brash to clean, that’s just what I did.
------
My image of a cellar had always been the same; dark, damp, and really only used to store things that no one really cared about. This cellar was quite a contrast, being well lit and maintained; nary a speck of dust on anything. It didn’t even have that musty odor to it, smelled quite pleasant, actually.
Much larger than I’d seen before as well, stretching for miles with aisles of barrels and crates full of bottles of something. Different colors and sizes, all labeled with tags for each category; some of which were in a language I didn’t know.
“Wow, this place is way bigger than I’d heard. Does this all really belong to Princess Celestia?” Brash asked out loud, flying up to some of the bottles with an expression of astonishment.
“Not really, it’s mostly just for parties or whenever she needs to appease some nobles. The Princess has actually sent me down here a couple of times to get some very expensive bottles. By expensive, I’m talking more than I make in a year, expensive.”
“That’s hard to believe considering how much you make in a year.” Brash muttered as she pulled out one of the bottles to read it, only for it to slip out of her wings and almost break on the ground. Luster jumped forward, catching in her magic and clenching her jaw so hard I was briefly concerned she’d shatter her teeth.
With the care of a mother holding her child, she lifted it back into the slot it came out of and let out an exasperated sigh. Brash opened her mouth to-presumably apologize, only to be silenced by a soul shattering stare from Luster.
“When Shining told me I should put a sign down here saying ‘Do not touch Brash’ I thought it was some inside joke among the guards. Perhaps I should start taking things at more face value.”
Celestia was leaning against one of the aisles, holding a silver chalice that was filled to the brim with some thick, purple liquid. There was a nonchalantness to her posture, not a single tensed muscle or attempt to be regal. Like Luna the night prior, she wasn’t wearing her crown or peytral.
Regardless, Brash and Luster bowed to her; Brash in particular was practically quivering.
“Princess Celestia, I’m so sorry. I didn’-”
“Please, just Celestia right now, I’m on break; or the closest I can get to it.”
“Yes, your highness. Forgive me for-”
“You are forgiven. Curiosity is something I understand to its fundamentals, and the bottle was caught and put back into place, so there was no mistake made.”
Every word felt meticulously well chosen, yet somehow rehearsed. There was a warm, gentle undertone like she was caressing them with just her voice, and I could tell they were relaxed by it. In contrast, she wasn’t even looking at them as she spoke; taking a sip from her chalice and swishing it around as she silently pressed her lips together.
“Besides, that was one of the cheapest ones; very little would have been lost.”
“Five hundred bits is cheap?” Brash asked in a hushed tone, turning her head to Luster for confirmation. Who could only shrug in response.
“For the nobles of Canterlot, they wouldn’t even consider that pocket change.”
She stepped forward, eyes flickering to me in a short instance before peering down at them. Celestia smiled and nodded at them, which was the cue for them to get back to their hooves and stand at attention.
“I would like to speak with Chara in private. Would you two mind waiting outside until we’re finished?”
“As you wish, your highness.”
‘“No problem, Pr-Celestia.”
They bowed and promptly left, waiting right outside for whenever we were done. With a whisk of her magic, Celestia pulled a seemingly random bottle of wine from one of the many and ripped out the cork; pouring it into her chalice right to the brim and somehow not spilling.
“Do you drink Chara?”
“I try,” I fidgeted at her question, scrunching my nose as I tried not to think of all the times Fluttershy reminded me I needed to drink more water. “I forget to sometimes.”
Celestia stared at me, tilting her head and furrowing her eyebrows. Then she snorted, which turned into a chuckle as she shook her head. Her eyes softened as she looked at me, chalice enraptured in her golden aura and floating just in front of her chest.
“If you don’t know what I’m referring to, perhaps you shouldn’t be.”
She began to walk down the aisles, leaving me confused as I followed her. The chalice hovered along, not a single drop going over the rim no matter how much it moved around. To me, the cellar was a maze where every corner turn made me question if we weren’t just going in circles. The lighting was the same, along with the wine bottles and the number of aisles. It was like being trapped in a loop of following someone without knowing if there’d ever be an end.
“Would you like the good news, or the bad news first?”
Celestia stopped where she was, as did I when her question made its way from her mouth to my ears and registered in my brain. She didn’t turn around or carry that same modulated tone, only an ambiguous monotone that didn’t imply favoring an answer either way. Even the goblet of wine stayed frozen in the air as her magic tightened on it.
There was really only one thing she could be talking about; The problem was I had no idea what the good or bad news could be. If the good news was that I’d be going home, then the bad news might be something that’ll make me not want to go back to Ponyville. Reversed wasn’t appealing either; if the bad news was that I wasn’t going back, what could the good news be? That I was getting a bigger room with more stuff I wasn’t going to use?
I might just despise questions like that.
“The good news.”
I needed to know if I was leaving; desperately so. The not knowing was nibbling away at me more with every passing moment. Just the definitive answer would steel me for whatever the bad news was.
“I see. Cadance is better at reading others than I thought.” She muttered, taking a silent sip from the chalice and letting out a satisfied sigh. “We decided that you will be allowed to return to Ponyville tomorrow; with the added condition that Twilight will include a detailed section about you at the end of the week. Well, more so than she was already doing I suppose.”
“And,” the corners of my lips tingled with the urge to smile. I pushed down the bubble of elation, bracing myself for whatever she was going to say next. “The bad news?”
“There is no bad news.” Celestia smiled at me with bemusement over her shoulder, winking at me. “Isn’t that relieving?”
A popping sensation in my chest sapped all the energy out of me. I placed a hand on one of the barrels, just standing and reveling in the short period of numbness I was experiencing.
“I’m going home?”
It came out as rhetorical, which was not at all how I intended it to sound. She didn’t show if she could tell, or visually change at all from what I could see. Leaving me in a drawn out anticipation that was borderline nauseating.
With another-though this time much quieter-chuckle, she nodded. Celestia stretched out her wings, keeping her relaxed smile and stare. “Yes, you’re going home.”
Small splinters of wood entered the tips of my fingers as I gripped the barrel, the pain was hardly noticable buried beneath the borderline-euphoric sensation of solace that filled me. It was like a boulder had been tied to my heart and finally cut loose; I didn’t realize how heavy it was until how light I felt without it.
However, beneath the joy was a stain of doubt and fear that threatened to pollute the whole thing. I didn’t suspect that Celestia was being dishonest, only that Ponyville may not be my home anymore. Fluttershy might take me back in; the others won’t be nearly as forgiving. Rainbow’s stern glare was fresh in my mind, along with Pinkie’s-
I clenched my fist, pressing the shards of wood in until they hurt. All I’d done lately is worry and ruminate on the same problems. For once, I was just going to enjoy the good news and leave it at that.
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” I leaned off the barrel, plucking out the shards of wood that had implanted themselves into my fingers. “Just a little overwhelmed.”
“I can see that.” Celestia noted. “I’d like to show you something, if that’s alright? Although, since you’re free now, you’re welcome to leave and do whatever you want otherwise; with the caveat of an escort. I won’t hold it against you, really.”
It was beyond tempting to do just that. Heading straight back to my room and collapsing in my bed until it was tomorrow. However, Celestia’s borderline bubbly demeanor was so offsetting compared to how she’d always been around me thus far, that my nagging curiosity made leaving out of the question.
“Is it why you’re in such a good mood?”
“Not at all. I’m feeling particularly jovial today because, not only did we come to a decision regarding you, but Twilight’s latest letter has shown that my student really is growing as a pony and is repairing her relationship with her friends as we speak. I was worried the miniscule but mighty rift that had formed between them would stretch into a crevice. Knowing it will not has made this day one of the better ones.”
I couldn’t picture Twilight initiating that, not with how she was when I last saw her. One of the others must have; Pinkie maybe if she had gotten out of that depressed stupor. Even if I told Fluttershy that’s what would happen after I left, hearing it wiped out any hope that I’d be wrong.
“Then,” I spoke without thinking, trying to stop that line of thought before it dived in the rabbit hole of self-deprecation. “Yeah, why not?”
“Excellent.”
She then reached into her chest, retrieving a key that had been stored there, and turning the corner with it in tow. On the other side was, surprisingly, not another aisle of wine and barrels. Instead, there was a wooden door that would have blended in perfectly with the wall had it not been for the sun symbol that I’d seen on the various banners and rugs.
“Tell me, Chara; how are you with keeping secrets?”
“Uh,” It wasn’t an accusatory or even interrogative tone. Nonetheless, I was tentative to answer it. “Ok, I guess?”
“I despise wine.” as she practically spat that, there was a clicking as the key unlocked the door, and it swung open; the loud creaking giving away how old it was. “Luna likes it, as does every noble I’ve come across, but it is a taste I’ve never quite acquired.”
“Then why do you keep drinking it?”
“I’m hoping,” she flicked on a light in the room, revealing it to actually be quite small. “That one of these days, I’ll finally understand why they enjoy it so much.”
There were no barrels or anything, only a singular shelf with circular holes for bottles. Unlike the ones outside, this one wasn’t full. While the majority of them held bottles, a few were empty. In the small space between each one, dark black, almost charred words were engraved. A white paste had crossed some out, others were big enough to be legible from a distance.
‘Discover what happened to Starswirl’, ‘When Sunset is saved’, ‘Star in a play!’. None of them seemed connected. Starswirl I recognized from various books I’d read, and Sunset was probably a name since it was capitalized; not that knowing that actually told me anything about them.
“What are these?”
I caved and just decided to ask. Celestia hummed to herself, using her magic to grab a bottle from the higher part of the shelf where I can’t make out what’s engraved under it. As she popped the cork, she simultaneously lifted a cup from the ground beside the shelf that was much smaller than the chalice.
“I’m not quite sure what to call them. Milestones? Rewards? I suppose souvenirs is fitting, but it doesn’t quite roll off the tongue as well either.” She scrunched her nose in thought for a moment, shrugging as she took a swig from the freshly opened bottle and stood in silence as she processed the taste. “When you get as old as I am, you run out of things to look forward to. While having a conversation with my sommelier, I had the idea of setting aside wine to age and to open when I achieve certain goals. This one was one of the first goals I made; ‘discover a new species’, and it’s one of the better tasting. Of course with my loathing for the poor excuse of a drink, I would say that says quite a bit.”
She poured some of it into the mug, floating it over to me. I took it and peered inside, finding the thick, purple liquid only filled maybe a quarter of it.
“If it’s so horrible, why are you offering me some?”
“Because I promised myself that if the new species was sapient, I would at least offer them some of the wine if it turned out well. It’s non-alcoholic, of course. You can refuse, I won’t make you. Perhaps you have an aristocrat’s taste, who knows?”
A crippling apprehension hit at the mention of alcohol; I should have known that’s what she meant by asking me if I drank. It was like the air in my throat had solidified into shards of glass, stabbing into my neck as it constricted. There was a whiff of phantom alcohol that almost made me gag, regardless that I knew it wasn’t real.
I couldn’t drink this, I didn’t even want to touch it. I know what it can do to someone, what it did to him.
I managed to place the mug on the ground, finally taking a breath that didn’t reek of that putrid stench. Alcoholic or not, I couldn’t touch it, couldn’t smell it without reacting.
It was too similar, too much. Too close.
“Not a fan of the smell, I see.” Celestia noted, her face devoid of any expression. Without looking away from me, she put the cork back in the bottle and placed it back where it was pulled out. She opened her mouth to say something, paused for a few long seconds as if she was reconsidering, then tried again.
“Chara, I’d like to apologize.”
“What?” I blurted out. “For what?”
“Cadance and I talked about you a bit last night. She made me realize that I’d been harsher on you than I intended, and, as always when it comes to hindsight, I could have handled things better.”
She approached me, bowing her head and placing her hand against her chest. “Whether you intend to come back here, you are welcome. Brash and Luster’s reports have shown a liking to you, or perhaps just an interest; I assure you will be treated as a guest like the others. I am truly sorry.”
If a breeze somehow managed to come from all the way outside to here, it could be heard clear as day with the lack of any other noise. Celestia, the leader of Equestria who held the fate of countless lives during her reign in her hands, was apologizing to me? Was it because of the wine? Her good mood? What could Cadance have said to her that led to this?
Both everything and nothing was going through my mind, resulting in the only word I could produce.
“Ok.”
She straightened her posture, narrowing her eyes as they met mine. “I expected you to try to argue that you deserved however harshly you were treated because of what you did.”
I winced at the accuracy of her statement.
“You said yourself how rare murder in Equestria is. And I-”
“I’ve noticed you have this problem of choosing select parts of what others have said.” She didn’t raise her voice or flavor it with a warning tone, yet the way it hardened made just the idea of interrupting far out of reach. “I also said that even before you came that I didn’t believe you were dangerous and that you must have had a reason that you truly believed was justified. As such, I tried to treat you the best I could despite knowing the severity of what you did. In that, I failed.”
“But, you,” I fumbled over my words, struggling to come up with something to say. “You’re a Princess; you probably make dozens of choices a day. A mistake or two isn’t something you need to apologize for.”
“I am a pony before a Princess. Besides, I’m on break right now. I am apologizing as Celestia, not The Princess of Equestria.” Her horn flickered with magic as she lifted the chalice, taking a mindless sip. “You don’t do well with receiving apologies I take it? Do you believe everything that goes wrong around you is your fault and your fault alone? That you are the sole reason for the bad things that happen to you and those around you?”
“No,” I admitted, finding myself mentally backed in the corner. “Of course not. I just-”
“Believe you have control over everything that happens, and that you can somehow prevent them from happening as if you can see into the future?”
I chewed my tongue, biting back any thought that threatened to form into words that would just dig me deeper in this hole. That familiar ilk between my fingers made them feel stuck together, and no amount of rubbing them against my clothes made it better.
“I have seen this mindset and the problems it causes time and time again; I’m trying to help you, Chara. You do not want to keep thinking like this. If not for you, then for Fluttershy. I’m certain she couldn’t bear seeing you do this to yourself.”
She was far more right than she knew. Fluttershy wasn’t doing so well when I left; Luna telling me about her improvement was the only thing preventing me from worrying more. There were so many things I could say or do, one of which was just walking out and ending this conversation now; which was partly due to the discomfort of some of the admittedly truthful things she was saying.
However, if I did that, I can’t imagine that would be good for whatever relationship Celestia and I have.
“I’ll try.” I said as I slumped my shoulders, turning towards the shelf and trying to make out more of the words that were engraved. That was pointless since none of them meant anything to me. “What are you going to do when you open them all?”
“Retire, maybe?” she breathed as she followed my gaze. “I’m sure I could come up with a few substitutes, but I’d still run out eventually. Oh well, I’m on break right now.” Celestia took a sip from her now empty chalice, glancing over at me. “I did not mean to steer this conversation where it did, and I can tell it’s made you quite uncomfortable. You may leave if there’s something else you’d rather be doing.”
“There’s not really,” I could go play the piano, Or talk to Cadance maybe? I’d have to eat first and then return the books from the library, after that I don’t know. Dark might-
I wanted to smack myself in the face for forgetting.
“Am I still allowed to visit The Royal Archives?”
“As long as you take Brash and Luster with you. They still need to send me whatever you check out.” she tilted her head. “Why do you ask?”
“There’s something I told someone I’d do for them while I’m here; not that I know how to actually go about it.” I opened the door, mentally mapping the path Celestia took to get here and reversing it. Just as I was about to take my hand off the knob, I pursed my lips and peeked at Celestia. She was facing the shelf and staring at it with a blank expression, but her head was leaning in my direction. Probably to keep me in the corner of her vision.
“Thank you for letting me go home, and,” I lowered my head, resisting the urge to chew on my nails. “Thanks for trying to help me.”
“You are a friend of a friend of my dear student; it’s the least I can do.”
-------
Brash and Luster were waiting outside, repeating a story about the time Brash got a ‘nat 20’; Whatever that meant.
They stopped whenever I opened the door, exchanging a tense glance as they turned towards me.
“So, what did Princess Celestia say? Are you going home or nah?”
“Yeah,” I grasped at my backpack strap, only for it to not be there. I must have left it in my room. “Tomorrow. Brash, do you mind getting my backpack for me, please? The books are in there and I want to turn them in before I forget. We can get breakfast afterwards.”
“Oh, sure. Sucks you didn’t get to finish them first.”
“I did finish them.”
“What.” Luster stated. Not in the form of a question or even rhetorical; just a single word as her eyes narrowed. “You’ve already read them? What, did you forgo sleep and spreedrun the chapter?”
“No. If anything, I’ve been sleeping too much lately.” I admitted, clearing my throat as I tried to remember how long the books were. The one Dark gave me was the shortest by far, the others were mediumish length? I wasn’t really paying attention to the page count as I read them. “There were a lot of pictures and charts.”
She didn’t buy my excuse.
“Did you actually understand any of it, or did you forget everything an hour afterwards like Brash does?”
“Hey! How dare you say something absolutely true?” Brash remarked as she hipchecked Luster, who responded with a roll of her eyes and a smirk as she used her magic to flip Brash the other direction.
“Go get Chara’s backpack you big goof.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
With a snort she flew off, muttering something to herself.
“I have a,” I tried to recall a word one of the books used, questioning if I should use it when I only knew the context I read it in. “tenuous grasp of it. There’s probably some stuff I’m misunderstanding, though; I always talked to Twilight after I read something and she was good at explaining stuff to me.”
Luster stared at me, raising an eyebrow and dropping her chin. “You had casual conversations on what you read with Twilight, and you actually understood it? Yeah, reading that much sounds believable now.” She said with a shake of her head. “Come on, let’s head to the library before Brash gets there first and makes fun of us for being slow. One of these days I need to sit down and learn how to levitate myself with magic just to rub it in her face.”
“Wait, unicorns can actually do that? Use their magic to fly?”
I’d never heard of that in any of the books or seen it. Then again, the only two unicorns I interacted with were Rarity and Twilight. Rarity didn’t seem interested in flying, and Twilight would probably only do it once to see if she could.
“Technically, yes; but most won’t. It takes an intense amount of concentration and practice, and that’s just for a little hover. To actually fly even half as well as the average pegasus takes refined skill and comes with a lot of danger. If you lose focus for even a second it could be death; catching yourself comes with severe whiplash that isn’t pleasant either. I like the challenge, though.”
“Oh.” I wanted to ask how that would apply to a conjurer, then Twilight’s explanation came to mind and I realized how pointless that would have been. “Doesn’t sound like Pegasi would take that very well.”
“They generally don’t; Brash is one of the good ones, though. She’d probably be pissed at first, then ask me how I did it and be a little impressed. Then a few hours later she would start manipulating the weather or napping on a cloud or something, and dare me to replicate that. Of course, I can’t. There’s no spell that’ll do that stuff, yet.”
I expected her to go on, only for a deafeningly awkward silence to sit in the air. Luster’s stoic as always expression was impossible to read and even more impossible to approach. Instead of speaking, I tried to think of how I could even get started on finding out how Dark’s family was doing; He didn’t give me their names. Either because he forgot to, or because I fell asleep before he could tell me.
Assuming that his family had the same last name that he did. I kept forgetting that some pony families don’t, and how different they really were.
“Hey,” as we rounded the corner with the archives in sight, Brash standing beside the entrance and balancing the backpack between her wings with ease, I spoke up. Luster’s eyes darted to me for a second, bouncing between me and the backpack like she was expecting it to fall at any second. “You wouldn’t happen to know how to find someone’s family with only their name, would you?”
I got a few feet ahead before I realized she’d stopped; No longer shifting her attention between Brash and I. It lasted only a second as she inhaled, stepping forward and flickering her horn in her magic as she pulled the backpack out of Brash’s grip; much to her dismay.
“Go on.”
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God I love the series
11450152
The real test is going to be how her friends treat her when she returns. Thats when you can really tell if they are REALLY her friends.
Monk
"I took another sip of my coffee." -Star Dawn
11476076
With Celestia saying she is good, then Twilight ahould be fine with her.
With that they can accept that what she has said was true. So Pinkie will know that the death of the dogs saved her family.
RD will know she was some crazy hero. So should be fine with her now.
Shy loves her.
That just leaves AJ and worse pony.
At lest that is how I see it.
I need moar,
Good chapter 👍
🧀🐀
Latest chapter was interesting I like the way you are going about discord.
Man this waiting is killing me I don't want to rush you but god do you know how to leave someone hanging
11479693
Cliffhangers are the key to getting people to keep reading my stuff.
Assuming they tolerate my abhorrent writing.11479711
I hate that I have to agree with you keep up the good work
Noooo you should've answered with a "But I do."
Now THAT would be hellerious.