A Demon's Second Chance

by Perfectly Insane

Chapter Five: Don't Forget.

Author's Note:

Yahallo! In all honesty, this chapter shouldn't have taken nearly a month, especially since I've been trying to make them shorter. I apologize for that. Anyway, thanks for reading, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments and tell me if I made any mistakes, enjoy!

I shuffled to my feet sluggishly, my mind in a state of total shock as I couldn’t focus on anything but the knife in my hands. The ringing in my ears so intense I could barely hear anything else, the skin on my knuckles began to pale the tighter I gripped the knife's handle. It was so familiar, and yet so different to the knife I’d seen in Frisk’s hand so many times, the only difference was this one wasn't covered in dust.

The worst part is how...right it felt. Like it belonged in my hand, like anything else would be wrong.

“...ra? Chara, I need you to listen to me.”

Fluttershy’s voice sounded far more distant than it was, like it was on the other side of a cave than a few feet away from me. I raised my head, seeing that Fluttershy was standing right outside of whatever was left of the symbol I stood in, Angel still completely asleep. I glanced to the side to look for Twilight. She still stood where she had before, though this time watching me intently with furrowed eyebrows and her horn enshrouded with magic. I got the feeling if I made one move she didn’t like I’d either be pinned on the ground or off it.

I could make out Spike standing behind her, shaking and too afraid to even look at me.

“Chara, drop the knife. Please.”

Her voice was so soft that it almost masked how scared she was of me, almost. Despite her attempt at a motherly tone she was begging me to stop, she couldn’t even look me in the eye.

I gripped the wrist of my right hand with my left, struggling to relax myself. More than anything in that moment I wanted to let go, but it was harder than it should be. The muscles in my hand tightly coiled and the handle dug into my skin to the point of being painful, however it was like my hand has a mind of its own.

It doesn’t want to let go.

I forced it open with a concerning amount of effort, but what worried me more was the lack of sound after the knife slipped out of my grip. One moment it was halfway out of my hand, the next it evaporated into nothing. Along with it any speck of magical power that was left over vanished, leaving me with a physical fatigue that I can only describe as ‘nearly totally drained’.

At least my mental state matched my physical one now, more or less.

I ran my eyes over the room to see how much damage I caused, relieved to see it wasn’t as bad as I was afraid it would be. It didn’t get any worse than cracked windows and books thrown off shelves, which I still felt bad about. I can only hope Twilight had some sort of spell for mending them, and none of the books thrown off the shelves were damaged at all.

“Twilight, she’s not dangerous. Please, calm down.”

Twilight’s eyes darted to Fluttershy’s, hovering there and squinting for a moment as dozens of ideas and questions raced through her mind, then stopped as she let most of the tension leave her body. Her horn dulled as she closed her eyes, bringing her hands together and lacing them as she took long, drawn out breaths. It might have been my imagination, but I think I could make out her lips moving wordlessly.

“I’m sorry about that. It’s just...something about that magic made me afraid in a way only Nightmare Moon did. You sounded like you were using The Royal Canterlot voice, and your eyes were...scary.”

“My...eyes?” I felt an urge to find something with my reflection to see what she was talking about, but I ignored it and rubbed my face against my sleeve to try to get rid of the irritating stickiness and black stuff that came from my eyes.

Even after getting most of it off and my sleeve almost painted black, I didn’t feel any better

“No, I’m sorry. About the windows and books and…” I brought my hands to my shoulders as I shuddered, a wave of cold washing over my body like someone poured a bucket of ice over me, but from inside. “I just...lost control and I don’t know what happened, I don’t want to hurt anyone. Really.”

My head dropped in shame. I really hated the fact that I’d been trying to keep myself in check since coming here, only to lose it when it mattered most. Fluttershy glanced at me out of the corners of her eyes, noticing my sudden shivering and frowning in concern. I couldn’t tell if she’s worried about me or afraid I would lose control again, and that thought made the pit in my stomach deeper.

The deafening silence didn’t last long as I heard Twilight sigh. “No, it’s my fault. You’re a new species with a kind of magic I’m not familiar with, and a magic surge is already an innately hard to calculate thing. I should have taken more precautions, been more prepared.”

Spike was still hiding behind Twilight, but began peeking around and looking at me in alarm. He took a deep breath and stepped out, his hands behind his back and smiling sheepishly as his eyes darted around in every direction but mine.

“I-I, uh, definitely wasn’t scared. With all the stuff flying around I didn’t want anything to hit me and break, you know?”

The irony was not lost on me that the dragon I was terrified of meeting not that long ago is now terrified of me, something I took no pride in.

“Are you alright, Chara? You’re getting pale.” Fluttershy asks as she leans toward me, placing the back of her hand on my forehead to check my temperature. I reflexively clutched my hands at the physical contact, but managed to stifle any other reaction. I’m more or less getting used to it from just her, which I’m certain was because she reminded me so much of Toriel.

It was everyone else that I’m unsure I could be ok with.

“You’re cold, are you feeling ok?”

“My body feels a bit weak, but otherwise I think I’m fine.” I also had a headache that didn’t feel like leaving, but I don’t like complaining.

“I was worried about this, sounds like magical exhaustion. It happens every now and again during a magical surge, but conjuration is one of the most demanding schools. I should have factored in that Chara hasn’t used magic before, it’s possible she ended up using almost all of it and that’s why it was stronger than I expected. But, if that is the case, then why d-”

I stopped being able to hear her as she rambled on, her voice lowering until it became muttering. Judging from the way Fluttershy was nodding and Spike sighed while rolling his eyes and crossing his arms, it was a normal occurrence.

“Is it permanent?”

My question snapped her out of her tangent as she looked up at me, her horn lighting up again. “No, it usually passes on its own. However, I recommend keeping your body temperature up as you’re a lot more susceptible to getting sick. Here, this should help.”

My body flashed with magic, the sinking heaviness leaving and a comforting warmth began to overtake the cold as energy coursed through me. Similar to when I tried coffee once after Toriel left her cup in the kitchen, but without the bitter taste.

“That was an invigoration spell. It should last long enough for you to get back to Fluttershy’s. Take it easy for a bit while I look into a few things, and start cleaning up this mess.”

There was a hint of annoyance in her voice that made me cringe out of guilt, watching as she turned to one of the windows and enshrouded it in her raspberry magic. The cracks began to disappear, like it was breaking in reverse. The magic in this world has a lot more utility uses than I thought.

“Here’s...your backpack.”

I glanced down and saw Spike holding up my backpack, his face behind it and his hands shaking. I’m glad the backpack was apparently impossible to completely destroy as his claws were digging into the fabric.

“Thanks.” I took it out of his hands and slipped it on. “Spike, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t! You just...startled me, that's all.”

I gave him an empty smirk, but I don’t think it convinced him anymore than he convinced me.

Fluttershy and I started heading back to her cottage, the trip there somehow more awkward than to Twilight’s. While physically I was energized thanks to Twilight, the constant trepidation from being watched left a feeling of conflict and unease that kept me on edge the entire time.

However, there was one thing that happened that kind of stuck out. An absurdly pink pony person who literally bounced with every step halted mid-jump when she saw me, like all of time stopped just for her. Her eyes locked on to me and froze in place as her jaw dropped, somehow staying balanced on one leg.

I wanted to say something but I wasn’t sure if I should, unable to take my sight off the pony to see Fluttershy’s reaction. I almost said something but the second I opened my mouth she squealed excitedly and shot off, leaving a smoke outline of her that got blown away in the wind, despite there having been no wind at all.

What bothered me about that the rest of the trip back was how no one else even batted an eye at her. I remember Fluttershy mumbling something along the lines of ‘I was wondering where Pinkie’s been’, and then we just continued without a question.

I know I heard the name Pinkie somewhere before, but seeing her made me realize how fitting that name actually was.

I let out a relieved sigh whenever the door shut behind us, the animals around the cottage and some of the birds in it a very welcome sight. The clock said we’d only been out for two hours, but it felt much longer than that. Fluttershy began walking forward and talking to the perched birds, then shaking Angel awake. He gave an annoyed chirp as he adorably rubbed one eye, glancing at me and chirping something else at Fluttershy, who said something I couldn’t hear.

I took the backpack off and pulled out the clothes Rarity gave me and hung it over my left shoulder, pulling out one of the butterscotch drops and placing it in my mouth. This is the second time I’ve had butterscotch by itself so I found it good, but missing something. Ironically cinnamon wasn't the first thing that came to mind, something stronger would fit. Something with more texture…

“Needs chocolate.” I muttered to myself, deciding not to get another one and picking up the backpack in my other hand.

“What needs chocolate?”

“Nothing. I’m...gonna take a bath.”

I began walking up the stairs as hastily as I could, trying to push off the conversation I dreaded more the longer it didn’t happen.

“Chara.”

I stopped halfway up the stairs, Fluttershy’s firm voice something I didn’t have the gall to pretend I didn’t hear. I gripped the rail and kept my gaze straight, unable to bring myself to look at her.

“I’m here for you if you need to talk, always.”

Something about the way she said that made my chin tremble, the tightness that’d been in my chest since our talk at Rarity’s loosening. I let out a shaky breath and walked up the rest of the stairs.

Once the bathroom door clicked, a comfort washed over me now that I’m alone. I enjoyed being around Fluttershy most of the time, but meeting new people and being watched by dozens of pairs of eyes left me more exhausted than almost anything else.

Everyone needed their alone time, I just needed more than most.

I walked up to the toilet and lowered the lid, lying the clothes Rarity made for me on top and backpack beside it. I turned the bath on and walked to the mirror, not putting the towel over it yet. I needed to check my eyes.

My fear was somewhat alleviated when my reflection showed very little black ink still on my face, so little it resembled leftover mascara and easily removed with water. I began taking off my clothes, almost anxious about seeing the bite scar on my shoulder. I’ve had plenty of chances to look at it before, but like most things I didn't want to deal with, I kept putting it off.

It looked a lot older than it was, likely due to whatever magic Twilight used to heal it. A bright white and faded outline of the teeth that covered most of my shoulder, so deep that I could make out each tooth. I ran my finger over it and felt how rough the skin was compared to everywhere else, a sensation eerily familiar to me.

“The more things change the more they stay the same. Right, Azzy?”

A ghost of a chuckle left my lips, the hand that was on the scar hovering to the locket. I closed my eyes as I held it and pretended I’m back at the Dreemurr home, tracing the symbol as I’d done many times before.

I sighed and opened my eyes, taking the necklace off along with the rest of my clothes. Once folded, I laid them on the ground with only my underwear left on. The black stain on the sleeve of my shirt reminded me that I needed to get them cleaned, but that was a problem for future Chara.

Even though this was my first time taking off a bra, it strangely felt natural as I reached around and undid the clasp, the cloth holding my breasts falling to the floor.

The second it left I let out an involuntary gasp, surprised at how...nice it felt not to be wearing one. I could breathe much better and the freedom made me never want to put on a bra again; even when I do I’m pretty sure I’ll just be thinking of taking it off.

Realizing the satisfaction of removing underwear made me remember the suspicious smirk Rarity had on when she said something about the set she made me. I lifted the shirt on the toilet and discovered the marshmallow diva put the underwear set in between the shirt and pants so I wouldn’t see them until now.

They’re less simple than the ones I had before, a dark black with one ribbon on each strap. I can tell the cups were going to fit near perfectly without having to put them on, but some part of me knows I’d still prefer not to wear them.

I turned around and put them in front of me so it looked like my reflection was wearing it. I don’t understand why Rarity went out of her way to make me something so frilly, especially when no one but me will be seeing it, unless Twilight needs to inspect my body again for some reason. I couldn't really complain, I did tell Rarity she can do whatever she wanted when making it.

The only problem I really have with it was the color. Black...wasn't a color I’m very comfortable with.

I put them back in the pile, turning off the water and dipping my hand in it to make sure it wasn't too hot. I almost couldn’t control the moan that came out as I lowered my body in, the sensation of entrenching myself into near perfect temperature water a feeling I had no idea how badly I missed until I experienced it again. By the time it reached my shoulders there wasn’t any tension left in my body, all the exhaustion dispersing into the water along with the gross feeling I’ve had ever since waking up in Fluttershy’s bed.

For a few moments, I was at peace. No background dread or anxiety sitting in my stomach, just the calming sensation of warmth and sound of water droplets from the faucet. I smiled as I slowly closed my eyes, the idea of taking a nap and shutting the world out nearly too tempting.

Then my mind drifted to Twilight’s library, the moment I thought back to Asriel dredged up memories I’ve been trying to keep myself from thinking about. Every memory with him an instance of happiness followed by regret, the kind no amount of answerless questions I asked myself will get rid of.

My head dipped below the water, holding my breath and leaving my eyes open. The burning did little to distract me from my morbid desire to go back to the void I had lived in as a ghost. I’m grateful for being alive again, but some part of me missed not having to think often and feel even less. Nothing to be afraid of and nothing to do but wait, I could be as careless as I wanted to be.

I almost stopped holding my breath and let myself drown, but along with half a dozen other thoughts, resetting came to mind. Even if I had the resolve to die here, I would just come back to life against my will. I couldn't say whether it would be back in those woods or if it was changed, I could only hope I wouldn't have to find out.

I surfaced and rubbed the water out of my eyes, blinking until my sight focused on my right hand, opening and closing it as I vividly recalled how the knife felt. When Twilight told me I’m a conjurer and explained to me what that meant, I wondered what the object I’d be able to summon would be. Even when she told me it would be something I’m familiar with, the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind that it’d be a knife.

Now that I’m alone, I realize that it couldn’t be anything else. Before The Underground I was ‘familiar’ with them, with Frisk even more so. It would be so easy to close my eyes and imagine everything about it right now, but I didn’t want to accidentally summon another one and mess up Fluttershy’s bathroom.

I'm enough of a burden.

My back hit the wall as I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them in the fetal position. With nothing distracting me, everything I’ve been pushing down until now rushed to the surface, my eyes beginning to burn again.

Humans, the genocide runs, the hydra, the wolves; so many things I didn’t want to give the time to list. Each one made the swelling in my heart more painful. I silently sobbed, the first time I really let everything out since coming here.

I don’t like giving him credit, but there was a conversation with Gaster that I didn’t hate. We were discussing our past, he emphasized that despite the pain, remembering them is necessary and they make us who we are.

The only good advice he ever gave me was that, no matter what, when it comes to memories, we…

“Don’t forget.”

Comments

[Senko_wermacht_division]

Cool beans my dude, great story👍

[redsopine]

Good work and why oh why do I imagine chara later down the line being a boss with her knife to protect somone

[Mornings Dew]

Very good chapter! Can't wait for the next one

[Falkenlied]

I almost stopped holding my breath and let myself drown, but along with half a dozen other thoughts, resetting came to mind. Even if I had the resolve to die here, I would just come back to life against my will. I don’t even know whether it would be back in those woods or if it’s changed, I can only hope I won’t have to find out.

It fills me with existential dread that if Chara dies, she'll have to go through all of these motions again. On the other hand, it fills me with a desire to cheer her on, to find her standing on her own two feet and face her demons. It would be jarring to say the least, that the story had to re-tread itself if Chara just dies again. However, given the "suicide" tag and this character, if Fluttershy were to be in mortal danger...idk, who's to say what she'd do at that point, right?

I stopped halfway up the stairs, Fluttershy’s firm voice was something I didn’t have the gall to pretend I didn’t hear. I gripped the rail and kept my gaze straight, unable to bring myself to look at her.

There's a verb missing here

Superb chapter

[Gypsybard]

That last line was a great closer