1988, 9999: 6
Okay, okay. Breathe! You can do it.
Almost everyone is gone and that mare doesn’t look TOO scary.
I mean, she Is kinda big and has a bunch of stabby things at hoof.
If you chicken out, though, no shiny tomorrow and, worse part, High Score will be disappointed.
Okay, okay. So… 3… 2… 1-
“What are you doing?” asks a stern voice from behind.
“AAAH! YOUWERESUPPOSEDTOWAITFORGO!” 17070 bolts forward. The first rule of drones in danger - if you hear a noise, run first, examine later. Drones who ask ‘Look, is that a gribbly choker behind me or is that a stabby corpisifier?’ instead don’t tend to live long.
After a quick few breaths, 17070 turns its head to see a pegasus wearing a blue jacket and a tool belt staring at it with a frown. Unfortunately, looking backwards while galloping ahead at full speed never pays, because-
*Boinggg!*
-it bounces away after hitting something soft and squishy, yet not budging at all.
“Is that thing bothering you, Ladle?” asks the unicorn as 17070 shakes its head, trying to gather itself off of the ground, “I’ve been watching it pace back and forth for the past five minutes, muttering to itself and looking at you.”
“No no,” replies the chubby earth pony mare with a chuckle, “Thanks for the concern, Keen,” she smiles towards the unicorn security guard who nods and heads away.
17070 just stares, mouth agape, at the light brown mare with mane that rivals the tealness of changeling eyes tied into a ponytail.
“You’re one of the critters camping over there, are you?” she asks, pointing a kitchen knife towards the southern edge of the camp. All 17070 can do is nod with its eyes locked on the weapon. The mare apparently going by Ladle leans closer, which makes 17070 lower its head between its shoulders, “Come on, honey, don’t be scared,” she says, putting the knife away and slowly reaching towards the drone, “You were the one staring at me, not the other way around. Did you need anything?”
17070 sniffs the hoof in front of its muzzle.
Hoof smells weird. Not bad but weird, like a mix of too many sharp scents that don’t go together. She doesn’t seem angry, and the armed pegasus is gone.
Hmmm...
“I, umm,” it begins, “9999 said we’re supposed to try to get to know you ponies and see what we can do to help. 36658 and 57999 helped with woodcutting yesterday and everyone is trying to find a way to be useful too, but there’s no one around anymore other than you,” 17070 has finally gathered the courage to go all in, “Whatcha doing with all those metal thingies?” it waves its foreleg past Ladle towards the assortment of weapon-like tools.
“I’m the head cook here,” she smiles and shakes her still extended foreleg, “Name’s Swirling Ladle.”
17070 gives the foreleg a quizzical look. The gesture is familiar but the hive mind bandwidth 9999 is managing to provide for the connected changelings is limited and the knowledge fragmented at best. Feeling somewhat lost, 17070 boops Ladle’s hoof with its nose and says:
“Your hoof smells funny.”
“That’s impolite, little one,” Ladle frowns.
“Huh? What did I do? I’m sorry, I don’t know how you ponies do things. If it’s about the hoof, then I totally didn’t smell anything,” the drone clamps its hooves over its nose.
Ladle’s expression softens and she pats 17070’s head.
“You didn’t tell me your name.”
“Oh? Oh!” 17070 facehoofs, “I’m 17070. We don’t have names like you ponies, it’s much less confusing.”
“Speak for yourself,” Ladle shakes her head and turns around, “So, 17070, you were curious about what I was doing then?”
“Mhm,” the drone nods. Seeing no immediate danger, it takes place by Ladle’s side as she resumes fiddling with a big cauldron hanging over a smaller fire pit a short way away from the still crackling central one where the ponies seem to be making the big campfire each evening, occasionally reaching for her tools placed on an uprooted tree stump next to it.
“I was getting the lunch ready. Stallions are off playing with their logs-” she pauses for a breath and pouts a little as the joke is completely lost on 17070, “-but there are still a few of us here in the camp. Triage, Uproot, Keen Eye, Sawtooth, the foals and us mares,” she swipes a small pile of chopped vegetables into the cauldron and begins stirring the liquid, “Plus, when everypony’s back in the evening, the stew will have had time to simmer.”
17070 observes in silence for a moment until Ladle does something completely inconsistent with its limited knowledge of ponies.
“Huh? You ponies eat rocks?” it stands up on its hind legs and props itself on the cauldron. Unlike skin, chitin allows for touching hot surfaces without any problem, at least temporarily.
“Rocks?” Ladle furrows her brows, looks at her hoof, and asks, “Do you mean this? The salt?”
“Yeah! The white stuff,” 17070 nods.
“It’s for taste. I’ve got a few other spices here but I have to be careful with those until fresh supplies arrive. Too bad, since I can cook a mean borsch. What do you critters eat?”
“We eat love!” 17070 smiles, “We don’t like mean things, though, not even food. How can food even be mean anyway? Does it bite back, or dodge?” 17070 raises on its hind legs again and punches the air a few times before losing balance and faceplanting on the ground.
“It’s just an expression meaning the food is delicious. Love, you say?” she tilts her head while pulling the ladle out and sniffing the liquid, “Hmph, needs more pepper,” she reaches for the supplies on the stump, “How does one eat love?”
“It’s hard to explain to a pony, miss,” 17070 shrugs, “But if someone likes us, we can kinda eat it and live off of it. I mean, we drones don’t hunt for love ourselves since we’re inside the hive all the time, but the guys who go outside bring some back and share,” it clops its hooves together, “But hey, that’s why 9999 wanted us to help you ponies, so that we you might grow to like us a bit.”
Ladle turns around and squishes 17070’s cheeks.
“If it helps, I think you’re cute.”
“Eeee!” 17070 puffs out its chest proudly. It can sense something love-like from Ladle, unfocused but persistent. Completely different from anything it’s ever gotten from infiltrators before. Maybe, if it spent enough time around her, it could be enough to feed it, “Can I help you with anything? I’m good at digging and carrying stuff.”
“We’re not doing kimchi, so I doubt I’m in the market for digging but I could always use somepony to set the table.”
“What’s that mean?”
“You know what a spoon and a bowl are? Sorry if I sound ignorant but I’d rather ask than assume.”
17070 points at the ladle with which Ladle is stirring the stew.
“Spoon is that thing, but small. And a bowl-” the hive mind hiccups but brings out the requested information, “Yeah, I know.”
“Good. There’s a box by the central table. Grab ten of each, pair them up, and spread the pairs on the table.”
17070 trots off and returns a short moment later. Ladle glances at the setting and goes:
“Huh,” even she can estimate that the pairs are perfectly equidistant from each other in such a way that they round the entire table, “I suppose I should have been a bit more specific. I’ll fix it later.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” she pats the drone again, “You did well. It’s just that the few ponies who will be having lunch here won’t want to spread around the whole thing and have to shout at each other.”
“Neat!” 17070 livens up, “Can I help you cook? Everything here smells weird but not bad weird,” it points to one from a line of small glass bottles on Ladle’s ‘utility stump’.
“Oof,” Ladle smirks, “Cooking isn’t exactly something one can just pick- oh what the hay, we’re in a camp in the middle of nowhere, not in my bistro in Stalliongrad. But you’ll have to just look first, because I need this ready in time for lunch.”
As she starts fiddling with the spices again, 17070 asks:
“So you ponies add all kinds of powders for taste? Can I try?”
“Not in the cauldron. Take that cup,” she nods sideways to a small metal container, “and try to mix a little bit of something, just use only the tiniest bit of spice. As I said, my supply here is limited.”
17070 grabs the cup, examining it from all sides.
Looks mega useful. Too bad I’ll have to return it or I could trade it for something totally AWESOME!
Next, it takes a quick look at the levels of spice in each glass jar. They’re all definitely close to running out.
Can’t waste her tasty dusts, so I gotta find my own.
It raises its nose into the air. Having no idea what flavors ponies like, the drone decides to sniff around for anything dust-like with a particularly vibrant scent.
Now…
What is the result of someone mixing flour with oxygen? Maybe when someone also adds fresh sawdust, charcoal dust, a pinch of salt, and then spits semi-acidic goo into a pot and kneads it into a green, acrid-smelling blob?
It’s definitely ‘spicy’ but also far from edible, which 17070 learns when Ladle eventually sniffs the presented metal cup, her eyes cross, and she coughs.
“Ooookay, I have no idea what you put in there but I doubt it’s edible for anything other than a dragon. Clearly, our tastes are too different to just wing it,” she shakes her head, “Throw it away and I’ll show you a thing or two after lunch.”
“Okay,” 17070 nods. A non-fatal failure with a chance of success later? To a drone, that’s not a failure at all.
With a smile, it shakes out the sticky blob into the still smoldering central fire pit.
*Pop!*
“Eep?!” at first 17070 leans back, weirded out by the sudden loud noise.
*Pop pop pop pop!*
17070 leans closer to examine the sizzling blob, switching between sniffing the cup and the goop.
With a flash, everything goes white.
*Shake*
“...”
*Shake shake*
“...”
*Shake shake shake*
“...”
Gasping, 17070 opens its eyes. Swirling Ladle is standing over it, tears pooling in her eyes. The moment the drone starts breathing again, she carelessly pulls it into a bear hug.
It’s not love as such 17070 can feel from her, but it’s care, it’s warmth, and it’s nourishment is keeping the suddenly weak drone from falling unconscious again.
What… happened…?
She lets go after a short while and says-
“...”
-or at least her mouth moves. 17070 furrows its nonexistent brows, shakes its head, and asks:
“...?”
Ladle’s jaw drops.
“...?!” 17070 realizes it can’t hear itself, Ladle, or anything else at all, and it paws at its ears.
That’s bad. That’s really bad. Damn damn damn damn! That’s the crusher, no questions asked. Deaf drone, waste of love, dead drone. Or maybe the first one to go exploring a cave with spiky munchers so that no one useful gets hurt.
Its mouth wibbles as one fatal future after the other crosses its mind.
Why couldn’t it be the hangy neck-snapper instead? That’s at least quick…
Swirling Ladle taps on 17070’s nose to get the drone’s, who is visibly sliding deeper and deeper into desperate resignation, attention. Ears splayed back and head hung low, it looks upwards at Ladle and presents the metal cup hooked into its leg hole which now looks more like the barrel of a cartoon gun fired after a bullet got stuck in it.
And I broke a pony thingy…
Ladle lets 17070 go and waves her hoof dismissively. Unfortunately, with lines of communication broken, neither of them has any idea how to proceed. That is, until 36658 accompanied by Uproot arrive to see what the explosion was.
“36658, I can’t hear anything! Look, I need you to take my stash and give it to High Score. It’s in a hole under a tree-” 17070 transmits a location on the map of the forest, “There are some really flat rocks there and this nice mare might let me keep the broken-”
“Shush!” 36658 replies mentally, fully aware of what’s going through the other drone’s head right now, “I’ll tell High Score and we’ll think of something, okay?”
A short exchange between 36658, Uproot, and Ladle later, the master of the healing bark transmits the following, very simple message:
“Stay with Miss Ladle and gimme the cup, you lucky bugstard. I’ll hide it with the rest of your things which you WILL see again. We drones stick together, and if 1988 or other bigwigs have a problem with it, High Score will sort it out.”
“9999 is still just a drone!”
“Don’t doubt the awesomeness of the Shiny-bringer or I’ll tell on you and you won’t get a turn with the shiny. Oh, and have a goomy ling. It’ll help with the pain a bit.”
As 17070 chows down the presented agonyslayer(TM), Ladle grabs the drone, puts it on her back, and mouths something towards 36658.
“She said - just rest, watch, and learn,” says 36658 before leaving.
***
20100 has finally gathered the courage to wander into the pony camp. The drone took the entire morning to think about a way it could be helpful while exploring the surrounding forest for anything of use or to trade with little to no luck. There was no shortage of potentially useful twigs but everyone could just gather those which didn’t exactly increase their value, and while colorful leaves were pretty, they had little lasting value and were pretty common around here as well.
With no other option, 20100 finds itself in the center of the mostly empty camp, hiding under the main table and watching the legs of a chubby earth pony mare walking around who seemingly hasn’t noticed it yet. When she walks over to the table and 20100 hears clanking of metal above itself, it peeks out from its hiding place and says:
“Psst!”
The mare looks around, confused.
“Down here, miss pony.”
“Huh?” she smiles, “Oh, another one,” she reaches backwards, and a moment later 17070’s head peeks out, “Are you looking for a way to help like this guy?”
“Oh, hi!” 17070 waves at 20100, “I’m kinda deaf right now but this pony lady is mega nice, so don’t be afraid of her.”
“Okay, thanks! By the way, can I have your things after you-”
“Nah, 36658 called dibs already but promised it’ll try to have High Score ask 1988 to let me at least stay with the ponies instead of getting munched.”
“Whoah, neat! Good luck with that then.”
“You too with your shiny points.”
“Mhm! I’m 20100,” the drone nods vigorously in the real world, “Do you have anything that needs doing?”
She shakes her head and laughs.
“I already have my helper and I don’t think my poor heart could handle another injury today.”
“Awww,” 20100 pouts, “I really wanna get a turn with the shiny.”
“Huh, what shiny?”
“That thing!” 20100 points at the switched off bug zapper hanging on a beam propping the cloth roof over the central camp area, “It looks super awesome and only 9999 can turn it on!”
“A bug za- oh,” Ladle snickers, realizing that these weird bug ponies might have more in common with insects than previously thought, “I can turn it on for you for a while if you want,” she offers, unable to contain her curiosity about what would happen. She’s no sadist, but the idea of small buzzing ponies repeatedly bumping their noses into the electrified mesh around it is sort of… tempting.
To her surprise, though, 20100 shakes its head with vigor.
“No, thank you. I gotta earn it. Nothing good is free. Like, let’s say, a warrior says they’ll give you free ear scritches and instead they want to play surprise dodgegoop with you. It’s no fun when it’s a surprise and with warriors. They cheat and use rocks sometimes...” the drone rubs a deep gash in its side.
“Aww, you poor thing,” she scoops 20100 into a hug, making the drone squeak in surprise and the one on her hack smile victoriously.
“She’s so soft and squishy!”
“Yup!”
“Smells nice, too.”
“Yup! And you know what’s the best?”
“What?”
“She can make floaty shinies from water! Like when depth gribblers wait for their prey underwater but without all the tentacles and choking.”
“No...” 20100 breathes out in amazement.
“Look look look!”
17070 taps on Ladle’s back, points at a bucket filled with foamy water, then at 20100, and says in the shifting tone of someone unable to hear themselves:
“FlOatY sHiNiEs, pLeasE.”
Smirking to herself, Ladle obliges by scooping some soap water into her hooves and blowing bubbles 20100’s way.
“Teach me, teach me, teach m-!” 20100’s excited bouncing up and down stops as the drone controls itself, “Wait, no. Later. First, I need shiny points.”
“Okay then,” Ladle shrugs, “I’m done with washing the dishes, so I’ll be at my place if you need anything.”
“Sure thing, miss Ladle,” 20100 nods.
As she leaves with 17070, 20100 examines the area and decides that the best method to figure out a way to gain shiny points would be to secure a vantage point. With the think-y step one done, 20100 goes for step two, which is climbing onto the central table. An opportunity is bound to present itself. It just need to be smart, observant, vigilant, other synonym-
“Hello!” says a voice from underneath it.
“Ah!” its head snaps towards the squeaky voice, “A me-sized pony!”
Talking to the drone is a unicorn colt with a dark grey coat sharply contrasting with his bright neon purple mane and eyes.
“You look so cool!” he says.
“It’s because of the roof thingy,” 20100 points upwards, “It gets a bit too hot otherwise.”
“I mean with the armor and fangs and all of that stuff,” the colt climbs up on one of the many stumps serving as chairs, “By the way, we’re not supposed to sit on the table.”
“Really? Sorry, I just wanted a good vantage point,” 20100 hops down on a free stump next to the colt.
“No problem. There’s almost nopony around right now anyway. If there was, I wouldn’t be allowed to talk to you.”
“Huh, why?”
“Mom says you’re scary.”
“We’re not!” pouts 20100, “I mean, 8622, 1988, and 9013 can be, but not us drones. We just dig stuff...”
“Why are you here anyway?”
“I’m supposed to look for a way to be helpful. That’s why I wanted a place from where I can see everything.”
“So you picked the table?”
“Yup.”
After a brief pause, the colt asks:
“Any luck?”
“Not yet, but I’m ready for anything,” 20100 smiles at its flawless thinking.
“So… you wanna see my drawings while you wait?”
“Sure!”
“Awesome!” he smiles, levitating a notepad out of a saddlebag on a belt around his chest, “Name’s Magic Lantern by the way.”
“20100. We go by rank numbers.”
“Woooow, like the Royal Guards! I mean, they have names, ranks, and numbers but that’s because they’re awesome.”
“Well, we have ranks and numbers in one, so that means… that means...” 20100 furrows its brows. Plussing is hard and multiplussing even harder, “We’re two thirds Royal Guard-level of awesome.”
“And you have the armor built-in already.”
“Whoah!” 20100 looks at its foreleg as if seeing it for the first time, “You’re smart! Brave too.”
That surprises the colt.
“How come?”
“I mean, a high-rank told you not to talk to us and you’re still here.”
“Ah. That’s fine,” Magic Lantern waves his hoof, “At worst, I’ll just get a talking to.”
“I see. It’s different for us. We’d get eaten.”
“Whoah! Scary,” he looks around, “I don’t wanna get you into trouble.”
“It’s fine. Told ya, I’m supposed to get to know you ponies.”
“That’s great then!” Lantern puts the hovering notepad on the table, “I’ve got some Royal Guard drawings, some Spidermare, I’m even working on a comic. I’ve got a lot of free time here.”
“That pony has eight legs, four metal ones on his back!”
“That’s doctor Octopus, one of Spidermare’s nemesises- neme- enemies. He makes scary monsters to fight Spidermare.”
“That’s one scary baddie! A bit flat, though.”
“Umm,” Lantern scratches his head, “I’ve got a way to go as far as drawing goes. This is how he looks in the comics,” he levitates out a smudged yet colorful comic book and presents it to 20100.
“Hmm… got anything to draw with?”
“Sure?” a pencil floats over to 20100 and the notepad flips pages until there’s an empty one.
The drone gets to work. When it’s done, Magic Lantern’s jaw drops.
“That’s… that’s exactly like the comic, just black and white. Shading too.”
“We’re good at copying stuff.”
“I can see that, but can you do this?” Lantern wiggles his eyebrows as he takes the notepad again and flips the pages until he reaches one particular section, “Now look closely.”
His telekinetic glimmer grabs a stack of pages, bends the corners, and then lets go.
“THE PICTURE PONY IS MOVING?!” 20100’s voice cracks and slips an octave higher, “Now I wish I could do magic too...”
“That’s not magic. Let me explain-”
***
“HIGH SCORE! HIGH SCORE!”
9999 wakes up. Its head is pounding but it’s not the knife-inserted-into-each-ear kind of pain like in the morning.
Any pressing issues?
No.
So why is everyone…
“High Score! High Score!” 13415 gently shakes the drone again.
It’s evening already and apparently every single drone is sitting in a circle around 9999.
“What’s going on?” it yawns.
“That guy gets a shiny!” as one, they point to 20100 nervously holding a sharpened stick burned on one end and a stack of wide leaves.
“Whuh?”
“THIS GUY!” 13415, holding 20100 from behind by its shoulders, shakes the other drone.
“And you… all of you… unanimously agreed to that,” comments 9999.
“It must still be sleepy and tired. We’re not anonymous, you know all of us! We’re your mates! We-” the objection gets interrupted by 9999 raising its foreleg and saying:
“Alright, why?”
“LOOK!” 13415 shoves 20100 forward, “Do the thing! Show High Score the thiiing!”
The stack of leaves gets shoved under 9999’s nose, the top one showing what must be a simplified image of a changeling drone facing forward.
“I modeled for it!” 13415 beams, “It’s me waving!”
Then 20100 starts flipping...
...and as 9999’s jaw drops and eyes go wide, it immediately agrees with the collective decision.
The newly dubbed moving pictures ling definitely earned its turn with the shiny tomorrow.
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If Chrysalis had sent the drones into Canterlot to be helpful instead of invading, they would have conquered the city with adorableness within a week!
First aspirin, now pyroxylin?
10840607
You can't just wipe your entire food supply out by adorableness-induced heart attacks. Also. there's roughly 50-50 chance of the entire city burning down because drones wanted to see "THE BIGGEST SHINY!".
10840712
I mean, Gem can literally manipulate her goo on molecular level even without external resources, so one explosives-centric genetic strain could easily appear in a random drone.
10840607
I dunno, I suspect the Nobles would have turned them all into unwitting
slavesservants they didn't have to pay in real money.These drones are unbelievably cute. Loving the story :)
10840784
I mean, it's not like changelings would need to be paid in gold if they could get love but it would make integration a lot more difficult.
10840797
Thank you, but soon it'll be next to grimderp plot again for a while. I'll try to keep it bearable.
10840908
True, changelings would know the value of bits... at least the Infiltrators and guards would, not sure about the terribly nieve drones however. Those are the little guys that'd be taken advantage of. I can picture Blueblood arranging all travel in the city on a gilded platform carried on the backs of a half dozen drones like some lofty Purrsian King.
Good chapter, seriously your drones are the cutest
10841039
Why do I suck so bad at accepting praise?
Anyway, thanks. Enjoy this until I inevitably slip back into grimdark.
I now keep thinking 20100 is a self describing Goulomb number, which next step would be 000201003 ?
Also.. Thats a Spicy Spit Ball.
10841121
Nope, try again. Gotta be connected to the drone somehow. I personally think this one would be the most obvious.
Insane cackling. The drones are going to have the entire village in hooves, and they won't even know it!
I dunno...seems to me 9999 is well on its way to transcending dronedom entirely.
Whatever that means. Or entails. Gosh, this might actually be uncharted territory for them, now that I think about it, or at least not well recorded/remembered in current memory...
I've tried making a flipbook a few times myself over the years, but turns out I don't have the patience to draw out all of the frames needed to make it worth it.
10841569
The ponies or the drones won't know it? Because I think both are pretty likely.
10841931
I mean, we do have Boss' story as an example, although his change was caused by the hive mind revenants. Anyway, this was meant in terms of power and 9999 definitely isn't more powerful than any other drone to any discernable degree.
Ahhh wasted all day reading this. I am bad with responsibilities. thrilling story though
10842622
As they say - time you enjoyed wasting wasn't wasted.
By now, the ponies have clearly realized that these changelings aren't the sharpest tools in the shed, so now they're just rolling with it.
10844731
There's a world of difference between being stupid and ignorant. I like to think the drones are more the latter.
And 17070 accidentally makes tnt
10840776
But I thought it's every changeling ability? Like, get them really drunk and then BOOM!
Also there can be only one breaking bug
10841090
Nah, you'll not. Funny fics still funny with serious in them. We need to get your regular ones to get into real grimdark.