1313: 7
*Thump* *Thump* *Thump* *Thump*
To say that a certain striped member of the Blueblood estate has been having a rough morning would be a drastic understatement. However, being fully aware that it was simply a price to pay for the last night which, the zebra has to admit as she’s waking up with a throbbing headache, was something she would remember for years to come. Well, parts of it.
*Thump* *Thump* *Thump* *Thump*
“Ughh...” Zamira opens her eyes as the slow tremors of something that may as well be an earthquake in her current state keep going. Luckily, the room is mostly dark so not all her senses are assaulted by the equivalent of an invading army stomping over a wooden bridge. On top of that, her nose catches the alluring scent of coffee and other smells which in her hung over state do wonders for her tolerance of the thumping.
*Thump* *Thump* *Thump* *Thump*
With a grunt, she pushes herself into a sitting position, only to see the dim silhouette of 1313 pacing back and forth. However, instead of chewing him up, she glances at the bedside table currently occupied by a tray with a large cup of coffee and a plate filled with a mix of sweets, vegetables, a pitcher of water, and a hayburger with fries.
“How did you know…?” she groans.
1313 stops.
“The breakfast? Sugar helps metabolize alcohol, fiber helps hold everything inside you, the water is obvious, I think, and I asked one of your zebra bodyguard mates and she told me you enjoyed junk food after a binge,” he says in a quiet, considerate voice, “The rest I learned from the staff.”
As Zamira takes a swig of water, the black hole of last night releases a certain memory.
“Did we really…?”
“Yes.”
“In Blueblood’s bed…?”
“Yes.”
“And in the shower?”
“Yes.”
“And on his desk?”
“Yes.”
“...and in the dining room downstairs?”
“That was just a light dinner when we came back.”
“Oh thank- wait... did I really ask Zaida to join?”
“Yes, and you started kissing her in front of me.”
“Buck...”
“You’d have gotten to that, likely. I gave her a paid day off.”
“Can you even do that?”
“She didn’t ask. We won’t tell.”
Zamira chuckles quietly.
“Heh. You wanna team up after all this is over and replace Blueblood entirely? I doubt anypony would miss him. Hay, you already made his parents happier, that paladin fanatic seemed to like you more the first time he met you, and-”
“Celestia wouldn’t be happy,” 1313 says with such finality that it completely kills the idea. Forever.
“Ughh… nopony will ever know why...” Zamira moans before taking a bite of the burger and closing her eyes, “This is heaven...”
*Thump* *Thump* *Thump* *Thump*
“Why are you up and walking around anyway? If you’re nervous, don’t be. I know what Celestia tasked you with sounds difficult but there’s no reason to fall into pieces this early.”
“I’m just thinking,” 1313 shrugs.
“What about?”
“The changeling drone we stumbled upon yesterday.”
The black hole of the blackest blackout releases another memory, this being a rather confusing one.
“You mean the one wearing Nightguard armor? It wasn’t a costume… or that weird performer’s trick?”
“It wasn’t a disguise, it was a real changeling. It was also the one whom they tried to assassinate, I’m sure of it. It had a scar on its belly but it was otherwise perfectly healthy and full of love. Considering the wound it sustained, without a constant supply of love and a safe place it would be dead.”
“And a bunch of Nightguards taking care of it, am I remembering it right?”
“Exactly. Celestia refused to show me that during her magical reconstruction of the crime but she called the drone Princess Luna’s associate. That means both princesses know about the drone and don’t consider it an enemy or a prisoner judging by the Nightguards’ reactions last night.”
“If the princess showed you all that, does she know you’re a changeling then?”
“Tough to say...” 1313 sighs, “She loves Blueblood, so if she thought I replaced him I doubt she would be kind to me. That points towards her not knowing. On the other hole, if she’s fine with a drone running around the castle then she might be suspicious that not everything is as it seems even if she suspects I am a changeling. Either way, we have to start looking for the attacker, but now we have one more clue to follow. I’ve been pondering how to follow the said clue since I can’t shapeshift.”
Zamira, having absolutely annihilated her breakfast, lies down on her back again.
“Just give me a few hours and I’ll be good as new.”
“If you describe that Raven pony whom Princess Celestia mentioned, I might not need you today.”
“Raven Inkwell. Earth pony mare. Grey coat, black mane, big glasses. Princess Celestia’s personal assistant. I’m pretty sure everypony in the castle knows her,” Zamira groans.
“Thanks. Have a good rest.”
“I’ll be fine. How about you go grab an aspirin from a pharmacy and we’ll visit the castle afterwards, okay?”
“Don’t worry, just sleep.”
“G’night, buggo.”
“Night, stripey.”
1313 sits down into the armchair in the corner of the room, listening to Zamira’s breathing. As soon as it slows down enough to indicate deep sleep, he walks over to the bed and gives her a kiss laced with a small dose of changeling venom. Without fangs, it’s not as if he can use it to manipulate an unwilling target, but it’s still a useful tool. After all, what kind of an infiltrator would he be if he transformed completely into a pony, even under duress?
That should help you rest up properly.
With that, 1313 leaves the room and, shortly after, the mansion as well.
***
The numerous groups of ponies responsible for cleaning Canterlot after last night paid no mind to 1313 as he walked to the castle, and neither did he spot anyone following him this time. Other than them, the city looked lifeless, streets barely even hosting guard patrols. Apparently, the day after the Summer Sun Celebration was some kind of general holiday, which suited 1313 just fine.
The castle staff wasn’t so lucky, although it did look as if only a few servants were present, and 1313 had his doubts if Raven would be around despite hearing her to be quite the workaholic. However, asking a random Royal Guard proved that to be the case, as he pointed 1313 in the direction of a small office on the castle’s bottom floor where a pony fitting Raven’s description called him inside after knocking.
“Prince Blueblood, how may I help you?” she asks with only the barest hint of irritation which wouldn’t be noticeable to anyone without infiltrator experience.
That stone face is impeccable.
“Miss Raven, P- my aunt sent me to ask you about the recent assassination attempt in the dungeons,” explains 1313, hoping that while being polite could make anyone who knows Blueblood suspicious, it might also make Raven more willing to talk about details rather than simply spilling facts, “If I recall correctly, my aunt was supposed to have a meeting that late in the evening, right? Was that unusual?”
Raven stands there for a short moment, silent and blinking several times in surprise.
Oh damn, she KNOWS Blueblood much better than I thought and right now I’m acting so out of character that-
“Unusual, yes,” Raven gathers herself and interrupts his train of thought, “Unique, no. My job is to relay requests to the Princess no matter the time, and I am no stranger to waking Her Highness up in the middle of the night. What was strange about that particular meeting was that the request came earlier the same day. Usually, when I am rescheduling meetings, they have been set a long time in advance when circumstances may have been different.”
Whoever planned this had money, influence, access to the castle, inside informant, and fewer brain cells than a Badlands scorpion. All signs point to nobility, certainly.
“Who was the meeting with? Who arranged it?”
“It was a sealed Council of nobles request without any particular member signing it delivered via a courier,” as 1313 opens his mouth, Raven keeps going, “And before you ask, that is not a rare thing either. It was simply a request for Her Highness to arrange a free slot in her tight schedule.”
The problem here is - how would anyone know ahead of time that Celestia would have a meeting with a changeling drone in the dungeons at that precise time, in that exact cell? That DEFINITELY doesn’t seem like something she would tell anyone about.
“Are you familiar with the target of the assassination attempt?”
“The only thing I know is that it was Princess Luna’s companion residing inside the castle at the time,” Raven shakes her head.
The timing is absolute nonsense. Even if I assume someone knew about the drone beforehoof, they could never know about the meeting unless Celestia confided in someone who talked.
Still, why would CELESTIA plan on meeting the drone at the same time she was supposed to meet with a council member? Even with a packed schedule, I doubt she would simply forget. Unless...
“Do you keep the schedules written somewhere? If so, may I see the record for the specific day?”
“Of course,” Raven nods, walks over to the filing cabinets at the back of her office, and quickly pulls out several sheets of paper stapled together, “However, I must ask you to keep anything you read in there a secret - Princess’ orders.”
1313 nods, takes the offered records, and starts flipping through the papers. Over and over, back and forth, revisiting the records repeatedly for no reason apparent to Raven. In the meantime, he asks:
“This might be only tangentially related, but how is the state of anti-changeling alarms within the castle?”
“Hmm?” Raven tilts her head before reminding herself that Princess Celestia herself told her to assist Blueblood with his inquiries, “I’m afraid that as an earth pony I cannot really say, Your Highness. However, in addition to emergency experimental paladin alarms added directly after the invasion, we already had an expert from the United Orders of Wizardry set something up last week.”
An expert on changelings? I suppose someone dissected enough corpses off of the streets to cook something up.
“Thank you, I feel much safer here already,” says 1313 politely, knowing he’s straining his Blueblood disguise but it seems to be working on Raven, “And you said you often fill these slots in my aunt’s schedule weeks earlier, right?” he waves the presented schedule. When Raven nods, he continues, “And you write them directly into these pre-printed records.”
“I do,” without being asked, Raven reaches into a different cabinet and pulls out an identical set of stapled papers, presenting it to 1313, “This record is for next Thursday. Most of the slots are filled in already.”
1313 skims it and returns it to Raven.
“Thank you,” 1313 mentally chides himself again when Raven visibly leans back as he thanks her. He walks closer and offers her a hoof to shake, “My aunt got lucky to snatch such a skilled secretar-” he sneezes directly at Raven, “Oh I’m so sorry!” he ‘accidentally’ pushes her forelegs down when she tries to wipe her face off, “I don’t know what happened-”
“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Raven finally pushes him away, “This place is a bit dusty from all the parchment,” the forced smile she gives him as she takes off her glasses to clean them looks somewhat dizzy all of a sudden.
While she grabs a paper cloth from a pack on her desk and starts cleaning her glasses, 1313 grabs another one and gives it a quick lick while Raven isn’t looking, then he offers it to her to clean her face.
Several moments later, the droplets of his sneezed-out venom coupled with the remains on the wipe do their job, and as Raven puts her glasses on she remains standing there, watching him with and swaying slightly.
“I almost forgot,” 1313 rubs his chin, “When did you say the courier delivered the Council request?”
“Earlier that d- wait, no,” Raven pauses, scrunching her nose, “No. Several days earlier, definitely, but for the life of me I cannot recall when exactly. My apologies. I am sure that if you gave me some time I would remember.”
“Don’t worry about it,” 1313 smiles at her and follows it with a courteous bow, “Have a pleasant day, Miss Raven.”
“You too, prince,” Raven stumbles back behind her desk.
“And when I’m gone, write this meeting into your schedule, make it take a whole hour. No, hour and a half. Then take a nap for the rest of our session. You deserve a rest. Those bags under your eyes can’t be healthy.”
“That sounds… like a good idea,” Raven grabs a notepad from her desk and starts scribbling into it while 1313 pauses.
“One final question, if you will. Are there Nightguards present in the castle?”
“Hmm?” Raven’s eyes are already closing on their own, “Try Sharp Biscuit’s office on the third floor or the barracks on the fourth.”
“Thank you and-” 1313 smiles as Raven’s head drops on the desk, “Nevermind.”
Leaving her office, he heads upstairs through the castle.
Someone messed with her memory and either forgot to anchor the timing properly or was in a hurry. The ink wasn’t scraped off enough in contrast to the other entries. Celestia didn’t know about the meeting beforehoof because there wasn’t one. Someone entered the castle, saw Celestia and the drone… somehow, and sought out Raven on the spot.
It wasn’t a changeling. She doesn’t- well, didn’t smell of venom before and the attack happened recently. If someone messed up memory manipulation this badly, they would have to be a worse infiltrator than I am, much worse. That means they would leave a lasting trace of venom no doubt.
So… magic. Probably. Was the unicorn attacker in the castle already and did they simply monitor the alarms? But if the alarms work, how was I not caught? Maybe they’re not that good, maybe- wait, the drone wasn’t transformed yesterday. Could it be that it was running around the castle undisguised?
Torchlight knew about the alarms going off before last weekend. Connection? I don’t know enough about pony politics to assess this properly.
Thankfully, today’s minimal staffing and guard presence allow 1313 to take a stroll through the castle to commit the layout to memory just in case. He passes by Sharp Biscuit’s office, quickly pressing his ear to the door and hearing quiet scribbling.
After several minutes on the top floor, 1313 finally finds what he’s been looking for. Mentally reaching out for the drone’s hive link, he can sense it being numb just like yesterday.
Yep, got the right changeling just behind this door.
[Nightguard barracks]
Probably accompanied by a bunch of armed ponies.
He prods the hive link again. On the second examination, 1313 realizes that, unlike yesterday, the link is reacting, it just feels incredibly busy, as if the drone’s mind was completely overloaded with stuff to process.
Examining the doors next to the Nightguard barracks, one proves to be a locked armory and one-
Bingo!
-an unlocked storage room for sheets, pillows, and other common things.
Sitting down by the wall neighboring the barracks, he focuses on the drone’s link. He’s not good enough of an infiltrator to simply forcibly reset and clear the drone’s mind, not that he would particularly want to do so anyway, but given some time he should be able to gradually insert one specific suggestion without harming it.
***
In the late evening, fully refreshed Zamira greets 1313 as he enters the dining room.
“Where were you all day?”
1313 just smirks, unrolling a sheet of paper on the table.
Zamira gasps.
“That’s our culprit,” 1313 puts his hoof under Zamira’s dropped jaw and closes her mouth.
“The picture is… so lifelike. I’ve never seen anything of this quality. Where did you get it? How?”
Lowering his voice, 1313 explains:
“I managed to insert a suggestion into the mind of the drone we saw last night to write a description of the attacker and to leave it behind a toilet in the servant bathrooms on the top floor. Then I left the castle and took a stroll through Canterlot.”
“What for?”
“It’s a beautiful city,” 1313 shrugs, “Before you-know-what, the only towns I saw were holes like Appleloosa or Dodge Junction. In case I blow up after all this I wanted to see a little bit… more.”
Zamira goes silent. Recent events only left 1313’s looming threat of death only as a topic for jokes and this reminded her that, in his mind, it’s always a reality.
“Sorry...” she breathes out.
“Eh, we’ll get catapulted over that bridge when we get there,” 1313 taps his hoof on the table next to the incredibly detailed unicorn portrait done seemingly in pencil and crayon, “This is what the drone left for me there. I guess the guy isn’t much of a writer,” he chuckles, “Anyway, this is our attacker. Unfortunately, magic is involved so even this might be the result of an illusion. The missing hoof, though, fits what Celestia showed me during the reconstruction of the scene.”
1313 explains his suspicion regarding someone altering Raven’s memories and not doing the best job of it.
“This is probably a stupid question but why don’t you just tell Celestia?” asks Zamira.
“How good of a magician is Blueblood?”
“Crap...”
“Yeah, he would never realize that. I can’t come off as too competent. That’s a new situation for me.”
“And is this supposed to be a servant or a guard?”
1313 shrugs.
“I suppose...”
“Or maybe a mercenary,” Zamira narrows her eyes and rubs her chin, “From what I heard, the vast majority of Royal Guards resigned shortly after the invasion and they called for reinforcements from other cities who didn’t have the experience with changelings. I wouldn’t be surprised if they hired a merc or two.”
“You’re having an idea, aren’t you?”
“Yep, but we’re going to need gold. A bit more than I can spare.”
“I mean… if you know of anything lying around here I won’t be stopping you.”
“Great!” Zamira beams, “I know several mercenary and guard bars. We go there, buy a few rounds, and show the ponies this,” she taps on the portrait, “Or a photo of this because I don’t want to lose it in a scuffle if it comes to one.”
“What’s the chance of us running into the unicorn?”
“Little to none. The point is that rumors about us looking for him will spread.”
“And if we have this portrait then we can be sure the Nightguards protecting the drone will have one too,” 1313 grins, finally understanding, “We won’t be able to cover the city exits but that way we won’t have to.”
“Yep, we’ll just stake out around Blueblood’s friend Torchlight’s house and see if there are rats trying to flee the sinking ship. Of course, if all this leads nowhere the only thing we lose is a bit of gold,“ she pauses, “And by us trotting around I mean myself. You’re just a little bit too conspicuous.”
“No, I’m covering you in case you meet that unicorn’s friends.”
“1313, you’re beyond useless in a scrap. And again - huge royal unicorn whom everypony knows.”
“There are ways to change without shapeshifting. Don’t think we’re not used to working without love. You saw the drone, didn’t you?”
“I don’t think paper streamers will be enough to cover up somepony as noticeable as Blueblood.”
“Know any good dye shops?”
“Sure I do. You don’t think Blueblood didn’t want me to look like the first unicorn trophy marefriend with a proper ass at any point, did you? Though I’d like to avoid the fake horn tiara, that damn thing made my head hurt for a week afterwards.”
“Perfect! And as for combat tricks, you’d be shocked how quickly ponies scram when you start pelting them with your fetlocks from range.”
“Kinda limited on ammo, isn’t it?”
“Four shots are usually enough. If not, you can break your shins in soooo many places. I scared so many drunk farmers off by just saying ‘Look what I will do to you if I can do this to myself’. Crunch.”
“I’m not running through a mercenary bar after a fight with a vacuum cleaner, you dummy. If you lose something you’d better learn to trot with a peg leg!”
“The best pirate costume ever?”
I know it's not a 65536 chapter, but not everything can be a 65536 chapter.
Or can it...? 
Anyway, next time - let's look 2 weeks into the future and see how the lumber camp changelings are doing.
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Honestly I love 1313 just as much as 65536
I cannot help but feel like if 1313 gets caught by the Paladin Zealots and tells them the truth of their personal situation (namely, Blueblood strapped a bomb collar on him, made 'em be a double for him and then the bucked off to have a off the record vacation) there will be three camps of thought: The Paladins who have never met the actual Blueblood who wouldn't believe the story because its hard to believe anyone can be that stupid and selfish, the Paladins who have met Blueblood who'll understand that 'Yep, this is exactly the kind of stupid, selfish thing Blueblood would do' and the third camp that would politely ask where the actual Blueblood went on his holiday so they can either A) Beat the ever loving shit out of him before dragging him back home to Celestia or B) Killing him outright under the excuse that the 'real' Blueblood was in Canterlot so this was clearly a stupid Changeling spy.
That's what I've been trying to puzzle out myself, honestly. It'd require more than just mere insider knowledge to do, I'd think.
11003443
).
Likewise--I think 1313 and 65536 chapters are the ones I look forward to the most (not that I don't also enjoy the other chapters quite a bit too, of course--there's something to like all around here
11003440
I'm not sure how to interpret this so I'll take it as that you're disappointed and going home.
11003443
Huh, jigsaw puzzle Ling would be happy to hear that. Hell, 65536 would be happy too.
11003456
Well, killing BB is out of the question because in roughly half a year, he tries to rape Choking Darkness, Blazing Light catches him doing so, beats him to a pulp while on, I think, cocaine provided by Choking for a completely unrelated reason, and then Blaze gets hanged for attacking a member of royalty while on drugs. On the bright side, it also ends with Blueblood getting castrated.
Read "Imbalanced" if you're into depressive grimderp.
11003722
- It requires oversight, pre-planning, and an extremely chaotic situation to work.
- High Score 9999 the Drone Jesus looks at you in disappointment...
...and judges you silently.
11003794
*shudders*
Oof...I just got chills...
Always have a spare slot that can be reassigned?
I have now suspicion that changelings have hidden cutie marks ( kind of like Xanth's talents). 1313's is a jigsaw tile, both in literal and metaphorical sense - he connected those scraps of information too quickly.
So I just had to pick myself up from almost falling of my bed laughing at that mental image. He ain't no 65536, but I do like me some 1313. Let's hope Celestia lets him stay as, I dunno, Blueblood's long lost and much more beloved brother?
11003900
Inventory management is always hell.
11003812
Pray 3 times to the Great Shiny and hug the bug.
You'll be forgiven.
11004010
No matter how low of a rank he is, he's still an infiltrator. He's made for this. As for the hidden cutie mark, you're kind of thinking in the right direction but also not. If you've read "Exercise In Management", the short explanation is there but we'll get something here as well in Chrysalis' trip through shared memory lane.
11004033
Prince Greenblood.
11003794
It's a pavlovian response to the word Lumberjack, as mentioned in the latest chapter's notes. As a child of the previous century, Monty Python is irrevocably ingrained upon my mind.
So many good quotes in this story
11004033
"I killed your lieutenant with a sausage stick, can you imagine what I'll do to you ?!"