Sasquatch
Fluttershy felt the sun setting and decided to wake up.
It’d been a long time since she’d had to deal with the sun. The light made her so sleepy and made it hard to see on top of that, but she could just sleep through the day, so it wasn’t that big a deal.
Sight was different for ghosts. Predeads saw light and ghosts saw, in a sense, darkness. Fluttershy was blinded by light but could make out colors and shapes better the darker it got.
You didn’t literally see darkness, she knew, but it was a good enough way to think about it and she hardly understood the science behind it all. In daylight, you could only see the shadows of things, gray outlines that were hard to tell from one another. The light coming from Twilight’s house was like thick curtains hung over it.
Fluttershy still remembered what it was like to see light, how bright and colorful things used to be. The world seemed so unnatural and ghastly when she first became a ghost, to the point she didn’t even know she could still see for a day or two. Yet slowly over time, dark vision became the one that felt natural.
What seemed like endless darkness slowly revealed itself to be colors she couldn’t have imagined as a predead. They were lovely colors, so soft and soothing that they tainted her memories of the living colors, made them seem like stinging hornets by comparison.
Another curious effect was that you could always see the stars, in a sense, even when the sun was out. She could see them now, with the sun still setting. When Fluttershy looked up at the night sky, it was like a beautiful swirl of blue light. The moon, rising from the east, was a large void in the sky that the light flooded into, the stars like much tinier holes in the sky.
It was so nice to be able to see the sky again. It was nice to be able to see a forest again.
Even without leaves, the snow-covered forest was absolutely beautiful after being stuck underground for so long. The world was so still and quiet, yet Fluttershy could smell the blood of all the squirrels hibernating, cozy and warm, in their nests.
She sniffed the air to try and find the squirrels. That sense was different too. Heat was the only thing a ghost could smell, but you could smell it to an intense degree. Fluttershy could smell their hearts beating slowly, could smell the warm blood flowing through their adorable little veins.
Fluttershy floated over to the nearest one to watch it sleep. It was easy to see them in the darkness of their nests, curled up all snuggly with their nuts. They were so adorable! Fluttershy wanted to get a pet as soon as spring rolled around. It smelled so delicious…
But Fluttershy resisted the urge to freeze them! She was trying to be a vegan ghost. Rainbow Dash would build her a nice fire instead. Her new friends loved throwing her pieces of charcoal to eat, which was the most delicious thing to a ghost next to blood.
Fluttershy’s life felt perfect now. She could float around in peace as much as she wanted, but still had neighbors she could visit any time. She felt safe for the first time in a long time, knowing that almost nothing could get past Twilight’s layers of defense. If something did scare her, she could always just float a bit closer to Twilight’s house.
She could hardly remember the last time she was this happy.
How long had it even been? Secretly, Fluttershy lost track of what year it was but was too embarrassed to ask anypony. Fluttershy honestly didn’t know how old she was anymore. She kept waiting and waiting for somepony to randomly announce what year it was, but it never happened.
She didn’t feel very old, at least, and figured maybe she was in her thirties now. Though maybe she was in her forties. To be on the safe side, Fluttershy decided she would still be happy as long as she was still in her fifties.
For now, she tried to see if she could smell any more animals around. She might not get too much until spring. There were the two ponies inside Twilight’s house, of course, but she thought she smelled one more animal, one larger than a pony.
A bear maybe?
Then again, they should be hibernating this time of year too. Its heart was beating too fast for it to be asleep.
Curious, Fluttershy moved towards it. She found what she was fairly certain were its tracks in the snow, though they weren’t from any animal she recognized. The tracks were unusually elongated, looked more like paws than hooves. It didn’t have claws or a tail that dragged along the ground, either.
Compared the pony tracks by one of the other two nearby, these were much deeper meaning it had to be several times larger than a pony. Studying it closer, she came to the conclusion it must have been bipedal on top of that, a rare trait for animals.
Minotaurs had hooves. Kangaroos had tails. Diamond dogs had claws. It clearly wasn’t a bird. So, what was it?
She wondered what animal had such unusual footprints as she followed the trail.
Before she could get close, Fluttershy noticed something else that sent terror rippling through her aura. There was another aura coming towards her! Another ghost!
She could already tell it was an underwhelming one, but the thought still made her panic and dart underground.
She watched, shaking as it approached. A single orb of light floated about aimlessly above where Fluttershy hid.
Orbs were the most pathetic type of ghost next to literal ectoplasm. They had more in common with rock formations than with people. Orbs mindlessly floated about all willy-nilly, not caring about anyone or anything.
They were completely harmless, but that didn’t make them any less spooky. Normally, Fluttershy just stayed underground until they passed her by.
But she remembered her promise to Rainbow Dash! She promised to be brave the next time somepony needed her. If she couldn’t stand up to a single, pathetic orb how was she going to stand up to something even scarier? Besides, she had a job to keep intruders off Twilight’s property.
“Oh boy,” Fluttershy whispered to herself. This was the most nerve-wracking thing she’d done in years.
Fluttershy braced herself. She was going up. She was going up. She was going up.
Any second now she was going up!
Even though she was terrified, Fluttershy slowly rose from the ground. It felt like she was fighting against a paralysis seizing her entire body, but she did slowly move. She forced herself to go all the way up and stand face to nothing with the orb.
“No!” Fluttershy held her trembling hooves out and pressed her will against the orb’s. “Twilight said no other ghosts are allowed near her house! You have to go be spooky somewhere else! Please?”
Granted it wasn’t much of a fight, seeing as orbs had no willpower at all. The orb put up no resistance and simply conformed to Fluttershy’s will, harmlessly floating off in the other direction.
It worked!
Fluttershy stared in awed amazement as she watched the orb float away, unable to believe it for a moment. But it seriously worked!
Fluttershy did it! She finally stood up to another ghost!
Slowly, relief washed away her paralysis and Fluttershy laughed ever so quietly. She felt like she’d just done the impossible. She was so excited that she did a little flip in the air! Never in a million years did she think this day would come. Fluttershy was officially brave now! She felt like she could do anything!
She had to tell the others right away.
Fluttershy rushed over to Twilight’s house and floated through the wall.
Inside the house was too bright for Fluttershy to see. What Fluttershy could see were just shadows and shapes. Most of the things in the house were invisible or too blurred to make out.
She didn’t have too much trouble finding the shadow of a pony near the cauldron’s fire, smelling her blood. Fluttershy went straight over to her.
“Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy flew up to her. “Guess what? There was this terrifying ghost trying to invade our territory! I was so scared, but I managed to be brave! I said ‘No! You’re not allowed to come here!’ and I made it go away. I still can’t believe I pulled it off.”
“That’s great,” said Twilight. “But you seem to have me mistaken.”
Hearing was the one sense that was completely unchanged as a ghost. Vision became dark vision. Touch became aura sensing. Smell became heat sensing. But she could still hear Twilight and Dash’s voices just fine.
“Oh! I’m sorry.” Fluttershy covered her mouth. “When it’s this bright I can only see your shadow and, well don’t take this in a racist way, but all predead shadows look the same.”
“I can turn down the lights.” Twilight did so and now Fluttershy could make out her face. “But what kind of ghost was it and how close did it get? Should I be worried?”
“Oh!” Fluttershy went halfway underground and blushed. “I mean, technically it was just an orb. But that’s still impressive for me!”
“Well, it’s a good first step.” Twilight didn’t take her eyes off her work as she spoke. “I’m sure if you keep practicing, you’ll get there eventually.”
Twilight was almost always busy with something. She was happy to talk to you while she worked, especially if it was about what she was doing, but pulling her away took effort.
Right now, she was fixated on a box-shaped device with two long metal poles sticking out of it. It was making a static hissing noise that reminded Fluttershy of a radio.
“What does this thing do?” Fluttershy asked.
“This is Rainbow Dash’s radio.” Twilight began twisting a nob on it. “We’re on the verge of finally getting reception out here. If we get it working, we can use it to listen to what the outsiders are saying. She had this thing talking about an hour ago.”
“Oh, wow! That’s what radios look like now? It’s so tiny.” Fluttershy flew up to get a better look at it. It was maybe the size of a lunch box. “The one my parents had was twice as big as I am. It was like a dresser.”
“Really?” Twilight rubbed her chin, considering that with concern as she looked at the tiny radio. “That is worrying.”
“It is?” Fluttershy couldn’t possibly imagine why.
“How long ago were these devices that big?” Twilight asked.
“Um!” Fluttershy honestly had no idea. “Well, I was born in the year 1286. So maybe around the turn of the century.”
“That’s not that long of a time.” Twilight frowned, thinking to herself.
That did reassure Fluttershy that maybe it hadn’t been that long. But then again, Twilight was over six hundred years old so ‘that long’ could mean something different to her.
“Curse Tech skin bracer is the clear winner at that too!” The radio kicked in suddenly. “Its special formula heals razor nicks in seconds, meaning there’s no need to worry when shaving your beard.”
“It’s working!” Twilight jumped forward, excitedly pressing an ear up against the tiny radio. “Let’s hope it stays this time.”
“They sound a lot better now too,” said Fluttershy. “It sounds as good as what we used to get inside an actual town.”
“But what if the aroma of your after-shave is your priority?” the radio continued. “Once again Curse Tech skin bracer is the winner. Girls simply can’t resist you when you wear Curse Tech after shave lotion. The manly scent and pheromones added are guaranteed to drive any girl crazy and make her fall madly in love with you.”
“I can’t believe they’re at it again.” Twilight stood up. “And they’re loudly announcing it this time too!”
“At what again?” Fluttershy tilted her head.
The door opened and Dash came inside. She shook some snow off her coat and took off her snow hat.
“Is it working now?” Dash asked. “I’ve been screwing with that thing for hours.”
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight pointed at the radio as Dash came closer. “They’ve developed some kind of mind control serum that can drive somepony insane, forcing them to fall madly in love with whoever uses it. We need to be careful.”
“What?” Dash turned to Fluttershy.
“It was a commercial,” said Fluttershy.
“Oh. That was a commercial, Twilight,” said Dash.
“What’s a commercial?”
“Sometimes I’m jealous of you.” Dash shook her head. “Basically, it means whatever you heard wasn’t true. It's a scam, okay?”
“Oh, I see.” Twilight sat back down, embarrassed at her mistake. “So, they purposely put out false messages to throw you off? But how do you know what’s true and what’s not then?”
“Eh, you just gotta get used to it,” said Dash.
“And now back to our program,” an announcer on the radio said. “What with all this monkey hysteria in the region lately, we’re looking for the best monkey-sighting story. Whoever calls in with it wins five hundred bits. Next caller. A bit of a mysterious customer who doesn’t want us to say her name or location. Would make it a bit hard to mail the prize.”
“Yeah, thanks,” said a mare through the radio. “This one is one hundred percent true. I have a friend who works in Area 5X. I can’t tell you his name because they’ll shoot him if this ever gets out. But he says they have a whole bunch of monkeys hidden there. They got a chimpanzee, a gorilla, and even a sasquatch. Or they did have that last one. It escaped sometime last year and that’s why these sightings have been on the rise.”
“So hold on,” the host objected. “In Area 5X, they’ve locked up literal witches, super zombies, ghosts, vampire lords, liches, demons, giant monsters, and all sorts of other things. None of them ever escaped, but some monkey managed to get out?”
“Stuff escapes from Area 5X all the time,” the caller said. “They just don’t admit it because they’re embarrassed.”
“Alright, alright. And where did they get these monkeys from in the first place?”
“A mad scientist cloned them from monkeys he found frozen in ice. It was part of a project to create an amusement park called ‘Monkey Island’, but there was an ape escape. There was this acid-spitting monkey who killed the chief of security and—”
The host started laughing at the more absurd part of the story.
“Hey! What with all the stuff mad scientists do, how can you think one cloning a monkey is unbelievable?”
“The part of this story I’m having trouble with is why the government would keep monkeys of all things secret.”
Twilight had been listening in on it with an intensity of a spy dropping in on a vital enemy conversation. She nodded several times through the broadcast but at this point had to give up.
“Okay.” Twilight turned to the others. “I have no idea what they’re talking about. What’s a monkey?”
“Um.” Fluttershy tried to think of how to describe a monkey to somepony who’d never seen one. “It’s like a minotaur but with hands for feet.”
“I don’t know what hands or minotaurs are,” said Twilight.
“See? It’s always like a chain of stuff like this.” Dash shook her head and turned her hooves up.
“Well, how about raccoons?” Fluttershy went to the next closest thing that might live around here. “I guess they’re like raccoons that run around on their hind legs and have shorter fur.”
“Hm.” Twilight considered it, imagining something that had to be terribly off in her mind. “And is this part of the radio telling the truth? These two can’t seem to agree if monkeys are real.”
“Sort of. Monkeys went extinct like a million years ago,” said Dash. “They lived around the same time as the dinosaurs, but the elder gods killed them all off with a meteor or something. We just found fossils and stuff of them.”
“Actually, dinosaurs lived almost a hundred million years ago and monkeys would have been around ten million years ago,” Fluttershy corrected her. “Monkeys would have been alive with saber-tooth tigers and mammoths, not dinosaurs.”
“Either way, nopony’s ever seen a live one,” said Dash. “Just bones and mysterious footprints or sounds they assume are monkeys. I guess it’s not impossible for there to still be monkeys around somewhere, but you know.”
A large, tailless biped without claws? Those tracks did look similar to how a monkey’s paw would.
“Oh wait. I think I might have a monkey story,” said Fluttershy. “Just now, even. I was outside and I saw tracks in the snow that I didn’t recognize. Now that I think about it, it could have been a sasquatch. Though probably not.”
“Hey, why don’t we go monkey hunting then?” Dash suggested. “That could be fun. After that, we’re gonna go ice skating by the lake for our little party. You wanna come?”
“A party?” Fluttershy asked. “For what?”
“Because it’s New Year’s?” Dash reminded her. “Did you forget? I tried waking you up earlier, but you sleep heavy during the day.”
This was perfect! There was no way they’d go the whole night without saying what year it was if that was the case. Fluttershy just had to hope she wasn’t too old until then.
“It still seems excessive to me,” said Twilight. “Didn’t you just have a holiday like a week ago? How do I know you’re not making them up?”
“Oh, come on. Like you don’t like them.” Dash pressed up against Twilight’s side.
“Maybe.” Twilight lowered her hat. “But I need to get back to work eventually.”
“Well, this is the last one in a while, I promise.” Dash got her bags and put her snow hat back on. “I only ever spent New Year’s with my dad till now and he was always way too drunk the whole time.”
“You say that about every holiday,” said Twilight.
“All my bananas gone!” A new caller yelled over the radio. “Your science can’t explain where they went!”
Dash turned the radio off and put it in her bag along with a few other things. Fluttershy got in her teddy bear and jumped on Dash’s back.
“Let’s see if we can find that guy’s bananas.” Dash pushed open the door. “More importantly if the radio works by the lake.”
The predeads trudged through the snow, leaving tracks of their own. It didn’t take long for Fluttershy to lead them to the right spot.
Dash crouched down to inspect the tracks.
“Nah, these are clearly chupacabra tracks,” she concluded. “My dad used to go looking for monkeys all the time so I can recognize them pretty good. Lots of ponies mistake these for monkey tracks.”
Fluttershy felt a little embarrassed that she’d forgotten about those.
“But look at how deep they are.” Fluttershy leaned over Dash’s back to point it out. “It’d have to be a huge chupacabra.”
“That is a good point.” Dash stood back up. “Maybe a mutant, then.”
“I could just use the aetheric imprinting spell to see what was here a little while ago,” Twilight suggested. “That’d settle it.”
“What? Nah. Nopony actually cares if some species of monkey still exists,” said Dash.
“A biologist would probably care,” said Fluttershy.
“Yeah. And nopony cares about biologists.” Dash rolled her eyes. “It’s more fun to pretend they exist just out of sight. Revealing it’s just a mutant bear or something will ruin all the fun. I say we just follow it and see what happens. It’s headed to the lake anyway.”
Dash started following the tracks towards the lake.
“But this is terribly inefficient.” Twilight ran after her.
“It’s more fun if you don’t know when a sasquatch is gonna show up, right?” Dash asked.
“Oh, I see.” Twilight closed her eyes to consider it. “This is another one of your games.”
“Yeah! I used to go looking for stuff like this all the time. My dad used to love looking for stuff that probably doesn’t exist. That’s like the one thing he’d do with me. He’d tell me he used to work in the sewers and all the made-up stuff he saw down there. I used to believe all his crazy stories until I was old enough to know he was full of it.” Dash looked up at the stars. “The other thing he liked to look for was aliens. Those are fun to watch for.”
“What are aliens?” Twilight asked.
“You don’t know what that is either?” Dash looked back at her. “Like ponies from another planet.”
“There are other planets?” Twilight asked.
“You don’t know other planets exist?!” Dash stopped in her tracks. “You haven’t looked up at the sky or anything? I feel like you should have figured that one out by yourself. It’s like, from the stars.”
“Astronomy isn’t very useful,” said Twilight. “I never saw any reason to study the stars. You’re saying there are ponies living inside the stars.”
“Well around them. And I dunno. I guess somewhere out there there’s gotta be aliens, right?” Dash held out her hooves towards the vastness of space. “But it’d take them hundreds of thousands of years to get here at light speed so maybe they’re still on the way.”
“Didn’t they already come here?” Fluttershy asked. “I don’t know if you’re old enough to remember, but when I was little there was that whole Rose Garden thing. They say a spaceship crashed there and the government took it to Area 5X.”
“Name one thing they don’t say is in Area 5X,” said Dash.
“That’s a good point.” Fluttershy couldn’t think of one.
They said they had everything there from mummies to the crystal skulls to the cure for every disease. Some of it was legitimate too. Dash knew one of Twilight's spellbooks, the sixth volume, was being held there.
“I, uh, don’t know what Area 5X is either,” Twilight sheepishly admitted. “That’s the place where they keep the monkeys, right?”
“It’s the most heavily guarded place in the whole world,” said Fluttershy. “Or at least it was. That’s where they keep Equestria’s gold reserve, the most dangerous prisoners, all of their doomsday weapons, and, um, what were the other two X’s?”
Fluttershy turned to Dash.
“A military base and a research laboratory,” said Dash. “Hence five X’s, see? It’s super-secret so none of us know what’s inside. That’s why they make up all these stories.”
“There’s a lot of stuff you don’t know,” said Twilight. “Didn’t you say you knew everything about the outside world?”
“When the crow did I say I knew literally everything?” Dash asked. “I just know certain things. Like how to pretend to look for aliens.”
“Okay.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Then how do I do that?”
“The rule for looking for aliens is that if you see any moving lights in the sky, it’s them,” said Dash. “Well, actually it’s probably just a balloon or a comet or something. But still.”
Twilight took the task seriously, looking carefully through the stars. She squinted hard at them in dead silence and perfect concentration for ten whole minutes, until they were very nearly to the lake. Then suddenly her eyes went wide.
“Oh! Right there!” Twilight pointed at one of them. “Is that an alien?”
Fluttershy had no idea what the other two saw, but to her, it looked like another hole in the light of the night sky, like a large, moving star. It was moving lazily across the sky, too slow to be a comet. Dash squinted at it before shaking her head.
“That’s just an airship,” said Dash. “Like a flying boat. It’s gotta be huge from the looks of it, though.”
“They can make flying boats now?” Fluttershy asked.
“I’m glad to have somepony else around who doesn’t understand this modern technology stuff with me,” said Twilight.
“I’m kind of surprised you haven’t seen one before now,” said Dash. “One should have flown over before this.”
“I think I have seen them.” Twilight blushed and looked away. “I guess I just decided it wasn’t useful whatever it was. I really did dismiss a lot of things as meaningless distractions before I met you.”
“Heh! Well maybe once we figure stuff out, I can take you on one later.” Rainbow Dash blushed and rubbed her nose. She blushed at every compliment. “I actually got some money now.”
About then they finally reached the lake, the tracks leading them all the way there.
This was far from the first time Fluttershy came out here, but it was the first time she saw it completely frozen over. Just two nights ago, before this snowstorm, only the very edges of it had been frozen over, large chunks of ice near the edge moving ever so slowly towards the river.
But today, even the river behind Twilight’s house had frozen over.
The tracks ended at the edge of the lake. There was only a tiny bit of windswept, snowy powder on the ice today, so no tracks were visible after that.
“Looks like it walked across,” said Fluttershy. “I can’t smell it from here.”
“Guess it got away.” Dash shrugged.
“I could still use aetheric imprinting.”
“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Dash got her ice skates on. “If we don’t check there’s a chance of seeing a random sasquatch all night. Hey, Fluttershy. Could you extra-freeze this thing? I don’t want to pull a Pinkie.”
Fluttershy didn’t know what ‘pulling a Pinkie’ meant, but nodded and moved over to the lake. She inhaled, sucking up all the heat from the surface of the lake. In a second, an icy mist spread across the lake, freezing the ice until it was harder than rock. You couldn’t fall through it with an axe now.
“Whoa.” Dash shivered from the cold coming off the sheet of ice. “That’s cold! But good job.”
Dash and Twilight put down the radio (which did get just good enough reception for a bit of music), their blanket with a few snacks, and a tin of hot chocolate for later. Dash helped Twilight get her skates on and the two of them headed out to the lake.
Fluttershy flew into her teddy bear and went out onto the ice. She had some ability to manipulate the object she possessed and found she was able to control her ability to slide around on the ice ever so slightly.
Though even her meager attempts at slipping were impressive compared to Twilight, who had trouble managing even that much. She wobbled her way onto the lake, legs sliding about in every direction.
Dash was already trying to show off.
“Here. Maybe you can ride on my head.” Dash picked her up and put Fluttershy on top of hear head.
Dash did a literal circle around Twilight. When Fluttershy was in her bear, and thus much smaller, things seemed to move a lot faster. It wasn’t too fast, though. She was moving smoothly and gracefully.
Twilight, meanwhile, barely caught herself before falling over.
“See? I told you reading a book about ice skating wouldn’t be enough,” said Dash. “Here, I’ll give you a few lessons.”
Dash grabbed Twilight’s hoof and started pulling her along. Dash propelled the two of them with her hind legs, spinning them around in wide circles. All three of them glided across the lake together, slowly picking up speed until they were going at a good pace.
Twilight started to smile.
“You keep the blades parallel to keep going forward and V-shaped to stop,” said Dash. “Let’s practice the latter.”
“Wait.” Twilight tried to protest.
Just as their speed hit its peak, Dash let go, sending Twilight gliding off towards the center of the lake. Twilight panicked and tried running forward. The effort did nothing to stop her from zooming off.
Dash laughed as she watched Twilight struggle to figure it out.
“You gotta turn your hooves into a V!” Dash yelled out to her.
Twilight created a force field behind her, finally stopping herself in place. She put her back hoof on it and kicked off with a small burst of flames that sent her coming back at Dash with even greater speeds.
“Ah, that’s cheating!” Dash laughed as Twilight came back. “You gotta do it without magic.”
Twilight slowed herself down by holding a hoof out and shooting fire out of it like a rocket. She was doing well now that she was using fire.
“Why? I feel like my rocket propulsion method is superior.” Twilight smirked. Her horn started to glow. “In fact, since you seem to think sending ponies flying off on the ice is so hilarious why don’t you try it?”
“Huh?” Dash blinked.
Twilight cast a spell, making the blades on Dash’s ice skates glow red hot. After only a short delay, fire erupted behind them, sending Dash (Fluttershy still on her back) soaring across the lake at incredible speeds.
“Holy!” Dash shouted but it was already too late.
Fluttershy was sure the world would be blurring by her if she brought herself to look. Instead she just held onto Dash’s mane as tightly as she could. She could hear Dash screaming and the wind blowing as they hurtled across the lake.
In just a few seconds they were nearing the other side of the water. Dash did manage to get control and turn herself, swinging back towards Twilight in an arc wide enough to encompass nearly the entire lake.
When she got close to where she’d begun, Dash jumped into the air and started flapping her wings hard. She was able to go just fast enough to cancel out the rockets and hover in midair until they died out shortly afterwards.
“You know, I wanted to complain but on second thought that was awesome!” Dash kicked off the ice to rush back to Twilight. “Do it again!”
Fluttershy jumped off Dash’s back before she could get sent for another ride. That was enough courage training for one day.
All three of their ears perked up when a noise came from the edge of the woods. It was a heavy rustling in the trees not far off. In the dark, Fluttershy could see the tops of the trees bend heavily, the snow falling off.
“What was that?” Fluttershy asked.
“Maybe it was a monkey.” Dash made a spooky ‘woo’ sound.
“It might have been.” Fluttershy flew out of her teddy bear and sniffed the air. “I smell warm blood out there. It’s a large animal. And monkeys do climb trees.”
Dash slid to the edge of the lake and jumped out of her skates.
“Might as well check it out.” Dash held her hoof out to Twilight, helping her out of her skates.
They started off to the tree in question. Fluttershy could smell the animal from this close, she knew it was still up there.
“This one can’t be a chupacabra,” said Fluttershy. “Chupacabra can’t climb trees.”
“That is true.” Dash looked up at the tree in question. It was still rustling. The thing was moving around a lot up there. “But that doesn’t mean it’s a monkey for sure.”
“What if it was an alien?” Twilight suggested.
“That jumped out of its spaceship?” Dash asked.
“Or what if it’s a sasquatch from outer space?” Twilight suggested next.
Fluttershy felt something that made her get behind Dash just to be sure.
“I feel an aura nearby,” said Fluttershy. “It’s too weak to be a ghost, but still.”
“A psychic monkey?” Dash raised an eyebrow.
“Alien monkey,” Twilight reminded her in a whisper.
“Probably not that one. But it might be some kind of monster.”
Twilight nodded. She and Dash got ready for battle as they got to the edge of the tree. Fluttershy flew back behind them just a little.
“Don’t worry, I already scouted myself out. I’m harmless!”
Fluttershy flew back in front after hearing the familiar voice. A moment later, Pinkie jumped out of the tree and landed on the ground.
“Pinkie?!” Dash took a step backward.
“Looks that way.” Pinkie walked past Dash, looking over what meager party supplies the three of them set up.
“Was that the aura you felt?” Twilight asked.
Fluttershy nodded, relieved to see a friendly pony instead of some monster or ghost.
“What are you doing here?” Dash asked.
“I’m crashing your party!” Pinkie ran up to their blanket and looked it over. She homed in on the snacks, then quickly grabbed and ate some of them. “Bam! Success!”
“But why? Aren’t you super popular?” Dash asked. “Aren’t there a million bigger parties you can go to?”
“Yes! And that’s my problem!” Pinkie swung around, throwing her forelegs open. “I get invited to a million parties every year! I could just go to one, but the opportunity cost is too high! Instead, I go to all of them.”
“And yet here you are at none of them,” said Dash.
“This is part of my transitional party phase or TPP.” Pinkie sat down and drew a crude path in the snow. “I go from party to party, crashing as many celebrations as possible in one night! My record is 52. I already went to both my sisters’, my nephew’s house, Filthy Rich’s, the psychic guild’s, and I’m up to 37 so far. You gotta plan the perfect route with as many parties to crash in between. Also, move against the rotation of the planet so you get two midnights.”
“But like, this is the middle of the woods.” Dash tilted her hoof towards the south, towards the deep parts of the woods. “Unless you came from a mad scientist party or something…”
“I was up there.” Pinkie pointed to the sky, to that blinking light. “It’s kinda hard to see, but there’s an airship up there. The Grand Blue! Three-story tall theater! Five restaurants ranging from one to five stars! A Ferris wheel that goes off the edge of the deck. I was planning to spend the first midnight up there, but they kicked me off because I may or may not be a minor. I noticed I was over where Twilight lives so I thought I’d just jump off the ship and see if you had a party to crash! Now I’m up to thirty-eight!”
Pinkie started jogging in place.
“But I can only stay here for fifteen minutes! Then I gotta go crash a party in Ponyville and get on a train traveling at 52 miles an hour for 42 minutes. You do the math!” Pinkie turned to Twilight. “And yes, I know I swore never to return in exchange for your help and this is a total betrayal etc., etc., but come on! I’m technically outside the ‘your house’ area and also I’m too loveable for you to remember that part.”
“Well, I don’t like ponies dropping in on me like this,” Twilight said flatly.
“I get the joke!” Pinkie pointed at her.
“That wasn’t a joke!” Twilight sighed. “But I guess you can stay for fifteen minutes. Since I’m already distracted.”
“Nice!” Pinkie looked around. “Though the fifteen minutes started when I jumped out of the ship. I gotta start the party right away! What are we doing?”
“We were ice skating. That doesn’t trigger you or anything, does it?“ Dash asked.
“Nah, I don’t even remember that incident.” Pinkie jumped back onto the ice. “In fact, watch this! I know a secret technique that lets me ice skate without skates!”
Pinkie pushed off with one hoof and started sliding across the ice as if she was wearing ice skates. Pinkie zipped off a good distance, then made a wide turn back to where the others were.
“I see.” Twilight walked to the edge of the ice, watching the trails Pinkie was leaving behind. “You melt the ice just under your hoof to create a similar effect.”
“Yeah, you go way faster if you cheat using psychic powers.” Pinkie slid backwards on only a single, front hoof. She jumped, doing no less than five backflips, before landing on rear leg this time. “Bet you can’t catch me.”
“I feel like I’ve already mastered the art, actually.” Twilight stepped onto the ice and used fire to rocket herself at incredible speeds, flying halfway across the lake.
“Whoa!” Pinkie still managed to get out of the way, not only dodging Twilight’s charge but doing three flips in the air as well. “Close! But I can never not see it coming.”
Twilight charged at Pinkie again and again with ever increasing blasts of fire, but Pinkie always escaped by increasingly narrow margins.
“I wish I could cheat.” Dash got back to the edge of the ice and flared out her wings. “But if I use my wings it’s not really ice skating anymore, is it? Is there a way to fly and ice skate at the same time? Probably not.”
“Hm.” Fluttershy got back in her teddy bear and jumped on Dash’s back. “Maybe I can make that work. Here.”
Fluttershy used her ice magic to create a ramp of ice a few feet away from Dash.
“Ah, hey! I like that!” Dash crouched down, ready to use it.
Dash moved back a good distance, then started skating faster than she had on her own before. She moved up the ramp and Fluttershy began creating more of it to allow Dash to get higher. Fluttershy created a winding spiral for Dash to climb higher and higher with. It really was like she was skating through the air.
Fluttershy clung to Dash’s back as Dash finally jumped off the ice and came down at Pinkie from above. Pinkie noticed them straight way, looking up at them, then casually taking one step to the left. Dash landed on Twilight instead just as Twilight came flaming through.
It wasn’t enough to knock Twilight over. Instead, Twilight carried Dash and Fluttershy with her as she went screaming into a snow bank. A moment later, Fluttershy was buried in snow.
Pinkie came skating over them.
“Don’t feel bad.” Pinkie sat down next to them. “Nopony’s ever caught me before!”
“I was going easy on you.” Dash got up and shook the snow off herself.
“Next time I use a kinetic spell,” said Twilight.
“See, now we’ve partied together and are officially friends, which means I gotta throw you a birthday party.” Pinkie scratched her head with invisible skates. “When is your birthday, anyway? I can’t believe I haven’t asked yet!”
“My what?” Twilight asked.
Pinkie started gasping and didn’t stop. Dash tried to wait for her to stop, but it looked like the scandalized Pinkie would just keep sucking in air forever.
“Like the day you were born,” Dash told her.
“That was 638 years ago,” said Twilight. “I don’t remember the exact date because I was just born.”
“It’s—” Dash started.
“No!” Pinkie stopped gasping, ran up, and covered Dash’s mouth. “Don’t you see how perfect this is?! I have the chance to throw the one true surprise birthday party! She doesn’t even know what a birthday is, so it’ll be a complete and total surprise.”
“But you don’t know what day it is,” said Dash.
“Oh, I’ll just declare a random day her birthday.” Pinkie nodded. “I do have your permission to break into your house and set up a party when that happens, right? Birthdays trump treaties!”
“What? No! My house is filled with incredibly dangerous things. You can’t go inside when I’m not here,” said Twilight.
“Which means I can go inside when you are here?” Pinkie pressed up against her side. “Well, I’ll just set stuff up outside while you’re asleep then.”
“I guess that’s okay?” Twilight sighed.
“Sweet! Anyway, I gotta run as fast as I can now!” Pinkie waved and ran off into the forest. “Have a happy 1355!”
1355?
“Oh my.”
Late that night, about an hour before sunset, Twilight wandered out of her house and to where those tracks had been. She knew Rainbow Dash didn’t want her to look, but her curiosity was burning, and she couldn’t wait a few days to find out what a monkey looked like when Dash brought her another book.
She cast the aetheric imprinting spell and an image appeared, showing the mysterious animal that had been here just hours before. She let out a sigh of disappointment when she saw what it was.
The long, shaggy white fur. The gnarled claws at the end of its lanky arms. Twilight recognized the bipedal animal straight away.
It was just a ‘yeti’ as her master used to call them, looking little like a bipedal raccoon nor did it have short fur. That thing wandered close to her house every year in late winter and was nothing to get excited about. Clearly, it wasn’t a monkey.
“Oh well.”
Disappointed, she walked back inside.
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I guess this one's more of a bonus chapter than anything else. The actual next chapter will be posted in a day or two.
Love it! Cute chapter, I love this interpretation of Pinkie.
10731764
It's an actual chapter to me ;).
Just a yeti, eh? I guess that makes sense in this strange world.
This is such a nice story
10732092
It technically was the sasquatch. Twilight just calls them yetis.
10732109
Ah. It’s pretty early for me right now. My brain must not be on yet.
Didn't Twilight refer to the gremlins as a "green monkey"?
Also, very cute chapter!
10732185
What? No. You clearly imagined that.
So Fluttershy was born in 1286, and it's 1355...
Wait, somethings wrong...
Urgh.
Must... Resist...
...
Nice.
10732240
Also Pinkie is 68 so...
This was a great chapter! I really liked the conspiracy theory jabs, and Fluttershy helping Rarity go Frozone.
I wonder if you'll ever mention alternate universes, as that's practically the only horror/sci-fi mainstay you haven't referenced yet. You know, Upside Down, alternate dimension Nazis, stuff like that. Maybe even the canon universe or Equestria Girls style human world, just for the contrast. Or perhaps that would be too similar to your Element of UFOs thing.
10732240
...except, unless she was born on New Year's, you still have to subtract 1 until it's her birthday.
10732252
...which lines up even better with that.
I do enjoy me some slice of fun life, very nice.
10732190
10732185
No that was just a racial slur as a subconcious holdover from her master, Twilight didn't realize they were an actual thing
Nice.
In a previous chapter, the one that introduces the gremlins, Twilight gets mad at Rainbow Dash for having previously told her no aliens have been discovered, but in this chapter she says she doesn’t even know what aliens are.
Other than that, this story is amazing.
This is bucking adorable. Rainbow Dash pulling Twilight out of her shell to everything she missed for the past six and a half centuries.
Earlier Twilight knew what aliens are:
10732240
And know the joke makes sense!
Mummies?
11056133 Alondro.
Nothing built by anything can contain Alondro.
Doing the math, Flutters is sixty-nine.
Heh, it's funny because symmetry.
One thing I've wondered...
Rainbow Dash obviously isn't a professional athlete in this world, and the Wonderbolts were implied to be a Slayer group of some sort (the Wonderslayers), but it's kind of unclear to me how good Rainbow Dash is at flying/speed. Is she just above average at flight? Is she in fact exceptional but in a world full of superpowers it's just not very noticeable?
I'm just wondering if the sonic rainboom might make an appearance.
Nice.
11160380
Nice.
That kinda repeats stuff from a few chapters ago:
(and there's also contradiction about Twiggles' age)
So fluttershy is...69
. Was that intentional?
11600551
Interestingly, no. The real joke is that she's a year older than Pinkie who just happens to be 68 (cause I wanted her to be 13 after a 55 year reduction). It really was a coincidence.
So I did the math for the pure hell of it, and Fluttershy in this AU at this time in the story is 69 years old. (1355 - 1286 = 69.) Nice. 😏
I love this chapter! I love fluttershy's POV. I'm glad to see them all having fun!