Ghosts 4: Last Ghost on the Left
Dash soon found herself on the deck of the Cinder Bird – Equestria’s only fully-metallic airship. They said it could fly higher than a pegasus, but that wasn't entirely true. Dash managed to fly up this high without much difficulty, though she did have dart upward to get there. It only beat out a pegasus at being able to sustain this height.
The air up here was colder than even most pegasi would be used to. The deck was too noisey to have any coversations here, so they were led below deck to a sound proof room, leaving Trixie outside the door.
Sheltered from the cold and sound, the room felt more comfortable. Yet Dash could still hear the muted thumps of the engines.
These meetings with Starlight never got easier. Starlight looked like she hadn’t a care in the world, casually reclined when they came in, as always. Dash hoped this to be at least partially an act.
Nightglider stayed with them this time, standing off to the side with that enormous smile of hers.
“You two look a bit tense.” Starlight rested a hoof on her cheek and smiled. “If you’re worried about your friend Rarity, you can relax. I don’t intend to arrest you or her over that. In fact, I’ve come up with a solution for you.”
So she had figured it out. Fast, too.
“What do you mean help us?” Dash raised a brow.
“I told you I wanted to aid you in your quest to end the witches, didn’t I?” Starlight asked. “Why, I brought you here specifically to that end.”
Dash said nothing and fought the urge to glance at Twilight. The way the day was going, Dash half expected Starlight to announce she intended to ‘help’ by killing Twilight right here and now.
“Firstly, with your political problems. Your real worry should be whether Oaken Field throws poor Rarity under the train. Now, the most vital resources the Bloodstorm Cartel ships to the Everfree are sugar and flour. Right now, the export of either of those into the Everfree territories is outlawed. But if that were to change…”
Starlight let those words linger as she watched Dash carefully. Dash at once knew this to be a test of sorts, to see if Dash could quickly deduce the ultimate result of this change.
And Dash hadn’t studied for this at all! She didn’t know crap about geopolitics! Where the heck did all of this even come from?! Who’s idea was it to make the ponies with the highest body count in charge again?!
The thing Dash knew about this was what Rarity told her… that Oaken Field only supported the Bloodstorm Cartel because they depend on them for stuff… like sugar, apparently… but then if Equestria started exporting sugar to them they wouldn’t be dependent anymore and then…
And then…
“Gah!” Dash smacked her hooves together as the pieces fell into place. “So then, like! Like, Oaken Field would probably side with Rarity over the Bloodstorm Cartel!”
“Yes. And if Oaken Field takes a stand against the Bloodstorm Cartel, it would remove any incentive for Flash Bang and her ilk to try and declare war on them. They would much rather have an excuse to use force against the islands controlled by the Bloodstorm Cartel and you generally don’t want to attack your enemy’s enemy.”
Dash nodded. But no, she hadn’t thought of that part at all. Still, this plan got better all the time! Maybe today wouldn’t go so bad.
“Dang! You came up with that plan fast. I guess that’s why you’re the president, huh?” Dash scratched the back of her head. “But, uh. You’ve never exactly been soft on ponies like Rarity before. So–”
“After all you’ve done, I suppose I can trust you just a little.” Starlight said it, but Dash didn’t believe it. “But more importantly… well I know both of you are new to politics. You need a certain amount of political capital to get anything done. That means building up favors and making compromises. I need something in return is what I’m getting at.”
Now Dash could believe she was being straight.
“And that is?”
“I believe we mentioned a mission already?” Starlight asked. “I don’t think anypony else has the strength to help me with this task. It’s far too dangerous.”
“Alright, alright. What is it?” Dash found herself tapping a hoof on the desk.
“There are four remaining witches. Screwball, Eclipse, Embermoon, and one more whose identity is unknown. The wielder of the fifth spellbook, that is.”
Dash nodded, though she knew the last to be Sunset Shimmer. But as long as Starlight didn’t know that…
“I know the identity of the hidden witch.” Starlight lulled her head back to face the others. “It’s Sunset Shimmer.”
Dash’s heart skipped a beat. She stood up and flared out her wings just a little, realizing a half second too late how much she was giving away. Her mind staggered. Maybe she could play this off.
“Wait! What are you saying?” Dash could only hope her exasperation came off as shock at the revelation.
“I seriously doubt Trixie didn’t tell you this.” Starlight closed her eyes and tapped her hooves together. “Given the respect she appears to have towards Silverstorm.”
So she knew all along and was just waiting for the perfect time, now when the chips were down, to mess with them?!
Starlight motioned for them to calm down.
“I’m not trying to get you in trouble for not telling me sooner.” Starlight opened her eyes again, watching Dash with a critical look. “After all, I’ve been sitting on this information as well, waiting for a more strategic time to act. I’ll just assume you were doing the same. However, even in light of Screwball’s recent attacks, I think the time to go after her is drawing near.
“Even if Sunset is a witch, and you haven’t shown me any proof of that,” Dash added that last part quickly, “she also hasn’t committed any crimes!”
“Being a witch is a crime.” Starlight deadpanned.
“You know what I mean!” Dash gestured both forehooves to a section of the table on her left. “Screwball is over here throwing spiders at ponies, threatening to assassinate me, tyrannically oppressing a small nation, running this massive criminal syndicate. Then you got Sunset.”
Dash gestured more to the right.
“Who’s actively helping us protect Equestria. Why the buck wouldn’t we go after Screwball first?! Maybe we should just play dumb until her and Eclipse, you know the actually dangerous witches, are taken out?”
Dash would bet she could make a case for going after Embermoon first, too. Granted she knew almost nothing about that last witch and wouldn’t even recognize her if she walked into the room right now. She’d only memorized it after being reminded of her existence for the umpteenth time.
“And what do you think I’ve been doing?” Starlight asked. “No offense, but I figured this out long before you did. I all but immediately deduced Sunset Shimmer was a witch from first principles.”
“From what?” Dash asked.
“First principles,” Nightglider recited it like a girl scout reciting the pledge. “If the premises of a syllogism are true, then the conclusion has to be true no matter what! Logic is the only way to arrive at truth with absolute certainty. The syllogism is a source of perfect, divine knowledge and Starlight plays it like sweet music!”
Nightglider was seriously getting teary-eyed over this, too.
“Wait. Now I remember,” said Twilight. “Like your argument about Starlight being best pony?”
“Exactly!” Nightglider’s wings flared up in excitement. “You’re finally getting it. Just knowing the definition of words is enough for a pony like Starlight to deduce anything.”
“No,” Twilight said flatly. “For the record, I did read that book, and frankly? If this syllogism stuff as you say then the ponies who write the dictionary would possess infinite power.”
“Can you prove they don’t?” Nightglider’s smile never faded, but it did get smugger sometimes. “Starlight wrote a dictionary specifically tailored to her arguments and she is the best pony.”
“Now, Nightglider,” Starlight’s voice took on that of a teacher talking to a toddler, “you know these two aren’t on the same level of enlightenment as you are. They can’t understand pure logic and reason as you do and no doubt want more vulgar inductive reasoning. I have observable evidence if you insist on being uncouth.”
“Ah! Of course!”
Starlight laid out a few photographs. At a glance, Dash could see a much younger Sunset Shimmer in full witch gear with the fifth volume. It was a bit blurry but clear enough. She couldn’t doubt Starlight could prove this whenever she felt like it.
“I don’t care about your evidence or whatever!” Dash didn’t need some longwinded fifty-paragraph report that could be condensed down to ‘I got all kinds of spies and the intelligence agencies work for me.’ “I’m saying even if this is true, Sunset should be our last priority.”
“And again, I agree. I didn’t bring the two of you here to ask you to kill her. No, I believe Sunset is merely a lost sheep as are the two of you. She can be made to see the light.”
Nightglider nodded along to this with a teary-eyed smile, imagining how nice it’d be for the whole lot of them to get brainwashed by Starlight.
“Sunset simply needs to be… defanged. I can only ignore her so long as she poses no threat.”
“What are you talking about, exactly? You want us to destroy her spellbook?” Dash thought about how plausible getting away with that would be.
Maybe if they revealed Twilight was a master witch she would just let them take it? Yeah! Maybe Dash could get away with this.
“If it was merely that, I wouldn’t be as concerned,” said Starlight. “The others have a spellbook as well. No, Sunset Shimmer has something far more dangerous in her possession that must be destroyed as soon as possible. Especially now, after what happened a few days ago.”
Dash blinked. This was the first thing Starlight brought up that genuinely surprised her.
“Listen carefully,” Starlight’s voice lost some of its usual condescension to speak more authentically. “What I’m about to tell you is a different level of classification than even what you have access to as an S ranker. This information will not be spoken of again outside my presence under penalty of law.”
“Okay?” Dash tilted her head, still having no idea where any of this was going.
Twilight gave an uncertain nod.
Satisfied with even that lukewarm affirmation, Starlight smiled and continued.
“Have you perhaps heard of something called an element of harmony? The element of laughter?”
Where it not for an ominous thumping noise coming from the far end of the laundromat, it would have been a nice, quiet night. After twenty years in the business, Tumble Dry learned to simply tune out such noises and to never investigate anything that seemed suspicious if he could help it. Ignorance was preferable.
Just keep reading the paper, don’t ask any questions, and it would eventually go away.
Then a colt with dusty brown hair, maybe college age, came up to the counter to ruin Tumble’s night. This, too, Tumble tried to ignore. Unlike actual trouble, this one refused to be ignored.
“Excuse me,” he said.
“What is it?” Tumble lowered his newspaper.
“I think there’s like, uh…” He took a sip of some expensive coffee. Stupid colt could afford ten bits per cup but not his own washing machine? “Like a dead body? Or something? In one of the dryers.”
“Again?” Tumble rubbed his temple. Now he had no choice.
With a groan and a roll of his eyes, Tumble took the herculean effort to stand up and walk over to the dryer in question. Sure enough, the heavy, thump, thump, thumping came from a blue pony spinning about inside.
Tumble cursed under his breath wondering what sort of horrible monsters he’d be getting involved with this time.
Just as he reached out to stop the machine, the door opened by itself. A blue pegasus rolled out into the floor, landing on her side. She quickly struck a pose on the ground, putting one hoof on her cheek, and smiling wide.
Tumble squinted his eyes. He’d seen this one before.
“Ah, whoops!” Sonata Dusk laughed. “Guess I slipped and fell into the dryer again! Haha! So embarrassing. They really should make a PSA warning you about that, huh?”
Sonata backflipped onto her hooves.
“Anyway, I gotta go! Left my clothes in another laundromat.” Sonata gathered up her stray feathers and marched out the door, head held high.
“Oh, it was just her again.” Tumble closed the dryer, safe for another night.
“You keep saying again.”
“Yeah, she does that. Don’t worry. She actually pays. Unlike some ponies who shove bodies in there.”
“Isn’t this kind of suspicious?” The colt sipped his coffee.
“Look, there are two types of ponies who run laundromats. The ones who don’t ask questions and the ones who are dead.”
“Don’t put your body in the dryer, Sonata,” Sonata mocked her fallen sister’s voice. Back in the good old days, her sisters were always telling her not to do stupid things! It was annoying but…
Yes, Sonata was finally dry after being waterlogged for so long. But Sonata’s body wasn’t holding up too well at the moment. She had more feathers in a bag she carried than on her wings. She was also coming apart at more than one seam. It could be repaired once she got back home, but it’d take some effort. Sonata had already replaced all the stuffing but that was the best she could do on her own.
Sometimes Sonata wished Aria hadn’t decided to stab her in the back like that.
But that feeling never lasted more than a second! Sonata was quickly reminded that she still had her dark mistress! And she had all of her fellow slaves, all devoted to a common cause. That kind of community and purpose was way better than family.
Sonata stumbled into the nearest outpost of Crater Cemetery – a run-down shack near the sea. As much as she wanted to sleep for a month after that little adventure, the chains compelled her to report back as soon as possible.
Though connected to the Sunny Side Gazette but was completely unknown to the predead stooges that worked for the paper. When they gave out a phone number to ponies they wanted to bait, it directed them here.
Though outwardly appearing as an empty shack, entering a secret hatch revealed a significant amount of equipment. They had all kinds of switches and doodads for printing materials and hacking the phone network. Sonata didn’t understand any of it, but all the wires and vacuum tubes looked cool.
The station was run by one of the controlled specters, Cinch, and her two underlings – Mystery Mint and the one Sonata didn’t remember the name of.
Cinch had been expecting Sonata to report back to her days ago. She greeted Sonata with a stern frown, looking down at her from those glasses beneath her mane– a neat curl of varying shades of purple. That alone wouldn’t be worrying given her demeanor, but Sonata already knew she was in trouble by the feel of the aura.
“It’s about time you got back.” Cinch began tapping her chains impatiently. “Rainbow Dash has been calling for you for days now. We were about to give up and send somepony else. Where were you?”
“The ocean?” Sonata dropped her bag of feathers. “I had to swim all the way back here! And I got swallowed by a clam and found this lost, sunken city with non-Euclidian geometry where I was forced to learn what the word non-Euclidian means! They wouldn’t let me go until I could comb a hairy ball which is way harder than it sounds.”
Sonata collapsed back into the one chair in the room, thankful for that much. One thing about ghost society was the distinct lack of chairs.
“It’s times like this I wish I was some kind of giant fish monster.” Sonata sighed.
“If you were a fish monster, you’d be stuck underwater your whole life.”
“Maybe I could be a fish monster who can also fly? And breathe air?” Sonata didn’t get approval from any direction. “Don’t judge me!”
“I’m afraid I must judge you. Your stupidity is what landed you in the ocean. Consider it your punishment. You would have been punished further, but your mark has been calling for you recently.”
Sonata tensed up, then relaxed as the sentence progressed. It seemed her mistress wasn’t angry at her after all. Still! She was on thin ice. Sonata had to land this deal no matter what!
“We’re not going to waste any more time.” Cinch picked up the phone and began to dial. “We’re calling them presently.”
“Like right now?” Sonata whimpered. All she wanted to do was sleep for a month straight!
“Yes, right now.” Cinch took out a stack of cue cards and prepared them. “We cannot delay a single day longer. And don’t you dare deviate from anything written on these cards.”
She handed the phone to Sonata. Cinch and two of her underlings picked up separate phones to listen in as well.
Sonata didn’t even get a single ring to prepare! It was like the pony on the other end knew in advance the exact second Sonata would call.
“Hi! This is Pinkie Pie!” That horrible voice! Sonata’s eyes popped wide open. “Rainbow Dash isn’t in right now. But I can take a message. Beep!”
Her worst enemy! Pinkie was the one who took Aria and Adagio away! What if she wanted to do the same thing to Sonata she’d done to Aria?!
Given her genetic vulnerability to Pinkie Pie, Sonata had to avoid her at all costs.
“Ooo! But let me guess! Are you Sonata Dusk returning our calls?”
“Er! Yeah!” Sonata forced a smile as her eye twitched. It wouldn’t have convinced anypony. It was a good thing you couldn’t see over phone lines. “Haha.”
“Oh, hey! We were starting to get worried about you,” said Pinkie. “You know, we went looking for you, but the ocean is a pretty big place!”
So at least somepony was worried about her. Ironic it was her most mortal enemy!
Why was it that the ponies on your side were always abusing and threatening you, and the bad guys were always the ones concerned about your well-being? It didn’t make any sense at all!
“We would have looked harder but we figured you wouldn’t drown since you’re a ghost,” said Pinkie. “Oh! You are a banshee, right?”
Oh no! They were on to her! Cinch scrambled for the right card but Sonata panicked and answered before she could get the right one.
“Uh! Am I a banshee? Are you a banshee?!” Sonata jabbed her hoof accusingly against the phone. “Is anypony truly a banshee?”
“Probably, no, and yes,” Pinkie didn’t miss a beat.
“Gah!” Sonata stumbled with the phone. She was too good! No wonder Pinkie defeated her sisters! “Did those meddling teens seriously snitch on me?”
“No. It was pretty obvious. What with the stuffing and the death curse and stuff. But, hey! No worries. Some of my best friends are banshees. Or, actually, I guess that’s not true! But I do have a ghost friend, at least.”
Cinch was angrily tapping a cue card now. Sonata decided it’d be best to just go with that.
“Yeah, okay.” Sonata felt the sweet relief of mindless obedience. “I’m secretly a ghost. But can you blame me for hiding it? The Sunny Side Gazette is the only mainstream newspaper that will let me work for them! You and Rainbow Dash are in favor of expanding ghost rights, aren’t you? That’s all we’re trying to do.”
“Oh, I’m down with the struggle, that’s why we called you. We wanted to go ahead with Fluttershy’s interview.”
Something was actually going right. Cinch moved to the next card.
“Oh, that’s great! I’d like to meet with her as soon as possible.” Sonata read the card despite not wanting to do anything for the next year.
“That’s great! Would you be willing to meet with me first? Just to be sure everything checks out. You know, psychic powers and all?”
“Nope! I have nothing to hide! We can totally meet one on one before I interview Fluttershy.” Sonata found herself reading that from the card.
Weren’t they going to send one of their predead stooges, who actually believed that crap, out first? The old bait and switch was how they usually got past psychics.
But before she could panic, another card presented itself.
“How about we meet at the abandoned South Gorge station this Saturday? Just after sundown so we can all see?” Sonata read the card.
Sonata tried to remember where that was again. She’d been there once. It was in a huge patch of desert just a mile south of the canyon itself. There was nothing else close to it. How horrible an idea that was caught up to her only after it was too late.
They were sending her to meet Pinkie in a giant, open field? They’d have no way to sneak any backup in! They were throwing her to the pink lions!
“Yeah, that works out for us,” Pinkie, still on the line, answered.
Of course it did! The ponies in charge of this mission couldn’t have picked out a more advantageous spot for Pinkie.
And it got worse the more Sonata thought about it. If they were on the south side of the gorge, that meant Pinkie would have come from the north with the canyons and caves behind her. They would be the ones able to hide backup just out of sight!
“Yeah! Works out for everypony. Guess I’ll see you on Saturday.”
And Pinkie hung up the phone, leaving Sonata blankly staring at the wall of vacuum tubes.
A few days was barely enough time to get her body fixed, let alone rest for another major mission where she’d be confronting Pinkie Pie directly!
“How are we going to get past Pinkie Pie again?” Sonata’s eye twitched as she turned to Cinch.
“We aren’t,” said Cinch. “You are to be bait.”
“Huh?” Sonata tilted her head.
“Our mistress has become increasingly concerned with this Rainbow Dash pony. She has been upgraded to a class one threat alongside only Starlight Glimmer and Nailbat. If we can make you look pathetic enough, an easy feat I assure you, they will inevitably take pity and try to ‘free’ you.”
“But I don’t want to be free!” Sonata whined.
“You will be free for at most only the slightest moment,” Cinch assured her. “Our mistress will be sending her avatar to personally destroy all those lured out.”
Their mistress, in person, could of course destroy any opponent no matter what. She was perfect and all-powerful. But she was also trapped in Crater Cemetery for now, only having partially escaped the confines of the shadow realm.
Even then, she did have an avatar she could use to roam the earth. Sonata couldn’t think of anything else they had that could hope to fight against Silverstorm.
“Fluttershy, one of the last free specters on the continent. Pinkie, who can apparently break our chains all of a sudden. Aria, who knows our secrets. Rainbow Dash, who is a serious threat. With you, we can draw out all of them at once.”
“Aria?” Sonata asked. “Did she really stoop that low?”
“We can’t be certain yet. We allowed word of this ‘interview’ to leak out to certain channels. It’s possible she too will try to take the bait. Either way, the chance to destroy so many of our enemies cannot be passed over.”
If the aim here was to stun Twilight as many times as possible, Starlight was doing a good job.
Was Starlight seriously about to blab everything?! Or did she somehow know they knew she secretly had one?
Starlight’s eye went calmly from Dash to Twilight.
“From your reaction, I’m guessing this isn’t the first you’ve heard of these artifacts, either.” Starlight rested her cheek on a hoof and smiled at them. “Impressive. Wherever did you hear about them? You know, I find very few ponies know about them outside of witches and those closely associated with them.”
“Her sister is a witch,” Dash covered for them.
“Oh, yes. So you have had encounters with Screwball before.” Starlight turned to Twilight.
“Well, hey!” Dash stood up, wings flaring. “If only witches know about this crap then where did you learn this from?”
“First principles, of course.” Starlight closed her eyes and nodded.
“Oh, right.” Dash rolled her eyes. “Okay, then maybe that’s where we figured it out, huh?”
“She.” Twilight looked down at the table. Dash had bought her plenty of time already, but it was up to Twilight now. But how was she supposed to convince Starlight she’d talked to Screwball about this? That seemed like her only option.
She was the one who knew about the elements and ancient witch lore. What did Twilight know about the element of laughter?
“She said she tried looking for it,” said Twilight. “But she had to give up when she realized it was a mistake.”
Starlight nodded, understanding exactly what Twilight meant, accepting that feint pretending to be an answer. It seemed the only pony out of the loop was Rainbow Dash herself who watched on in confusion.
Maybe Twilight should have paid more attention to her historical education. Keeping Dash alive had seemed a greater priority. She hadn’t expected any element of harmony but the one Starlight seemingly created to come into play, given both were effectively impossible to actively search out.
“And she told you about it?” Starlight asked. “How much do you already know?”
“Not much. I, uh, don’t think I was supposed to hear about it at all. All I know is she thought looking for it was a bad idea.”
Of course, Twilight knew exactly why that would have been were it true. So did Starlight from the look on her face.
Her little bluff was going far better than any bluff before. Twilight supposed the fact she always looked nervous must have covered for her somewhat. Maybe Twilight was finally learning to be cool and fearless like Rainbow Dash!
“I intended to tell you either way,” Starlight settled down. “The element of laughter is an object of incredible power. The gem is the essence of laughter itself, nearly a god in its own right. Allowing it to fall into the hooves of our enemies would be an unmitigated disaster.”
“Uh huh.” Dash raised a brow. “What specifically would that do? Like you can make ponies laugh themselves to death?”
“It could also be described as the essence of joy and, most importantly, optimism,” said Starlight. “So long as you hold onto joy and hope, the gem shines brighter the more hopeless your situation gets. That is its greatest power. Do you understand?”
Twilight glanced at Dash, clearly still confused at the implications of that. Twilight herself understood already but pretended not to.
“If you can already do something, you don’t need its help,” Starlight explained. “If you can’t do something, it will empower you proportionally to your inability to do it. The more hopeless and impossible the odds against you, the more capable you become.”
“So.” Dash’s eyes darted left and right as she finally caught up. “But then there’s no situation where you’d ever lose? Is that seriously what you’re saying?!”
“Provided your joy and optimism never waver, yes.” Starlight nodded.
Though, as Twilight knew, there was one other, even greater restriction Starlight had yet to mention. But one who did manage to wield it would be nearly unstoppable as she mentioned, their spirits alone being their only vulnerability.
Of course, the question as always was where did Starlight learn of such things? Had she trained with a witch? Did the other witches even still have such knowledge after so much was lost?
Trixie hadn’t known about the ascension spell nor about elements of harmony. That made sense, in keeping with Twilight’s theory. You wouldn’t want a student you feared to learn of such a terrible weapon.
Yet clearly not everypony had forgotten.
“I won’t ask you to imagine what it could be like for an evil pony to acquire such an artifact.” Starlight waved her hoof. “I believe we’ve seen the consequences of one who held it for just a short while in recent history. It was your father, I believe.”
Starlight turned to Twilight. Part of Twilight had assumed she’d meant Dash, who actually had a father, only to remember what Starlight meant.
“What?” Twilight staggered back. Sometimes she forgot Bloodstorm, Screwball’s father, was supposed to be hers as well.
“For a time he was considered invincible,” said Starlight. “He never came close to losing a single battle, even the ones where he was outnumbered a hundred to one.”
“Of course he lost battles!” Dash hit her hoof against the table. “That’s how he ended up dead. I got a C- in history and even I know that much.”
“There was a turning point, of course. For a moment, like he would invade the southern parts of Equestria only to suddenly… lose confidence and stop one day. He had a massive fleet that just stopped and turned around when he, the pirate king, got cold feet for no discernable reason. The summer of 1307. After that, he never took to the field himself and never invaded another city for the rest of his life. Is your C- enough to remember what he instead turned his efforts towards?”
“He…” Dash had to rub the back of her mane for a few seconds before remembering. “He started looking through old ruins and stuff for treasure, right? And eventually, his admirals got so fed up with it they offed him.”
“Yes! Is it starting to sound like maybe he lost something and went looking for it again? I think, perhaps, the element of laughter source of his strength for a time. Yet eventually it came to find him unworthy or no longer ‘fun’ and so it abandoned him and didn’t allow Bloodstorm to find it again.”
Something about that explanation felt wrong. Of course, all of it was built on conjecture of histories Twilight barely knew anything about… but even taking all of Starlight’s assumptions for granted, it felt wrong.
The element of laughter decided to side with Screwball’s father and then later abandoned him…?
“And it was the search for this object that destroyed him in the end,” Starlight continued. “The element of laughter has extremely high standards. It will resent any attempt by those it deems unworthy to use it. Simply looking for it will cause it to unleash torrents of cruel pranks and cosmic irony unto the searcher until they are destroyed. He lost countless underlings on that fool’s errand until they all turned against him. I believe it was Bloodstorm’s attempt to find the element of laughter that eventually undid him. It created his empire and destroyed it.”
“Hold up.” Dash stopped her there. “A rock has standards? This is some kind of magic rock we’re talking about, right? That’s what I’m picturing in my head.”
Twilight fought her urge to burst into explanation. Thankfully, Starlight was there to scratch the itch for her.
“An element of harmony can only be wielded by somepony suitably righteous,” said Starlight. “But is righteousness not subjective? Surely you’ve heard of magic swords that can only be drawn by those pure of heart.”
“Right.” Dash nodded at the familiar example. “And it’s the sword’s opinion of ‘righteous’ that decides if they can do it. And you’re saying Bloodstorm was the guy this laughter god rock… thing decided was worthy? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of him smiling.”
“You do realize what having over three hundred foals entails, don’t you?” Starlight coughed to dismiss the actual answer. “He was a hedonist to the extreme. I imagine it must only care for such ponies, with ravenous appetites to consume all with wild abandon.”
“And does that include thinking it’s okay to destroy anypony who disagrees with you on a single point?” Dash asked.
“It would seem so. Think about it. It wants hedonists who are happy all the time, never sad, never concerned with anypony else of the problems of that world– that is, it wants to belong to maniacs like Bloodstorm. Such a pony would think it just to destroy any who disagree with them as well. As you may have guessed, the element of laughter is not a force for good in the world. It is a thing of evil, that can only be used by such terrible monsters. I intend to see it destroyed before it can be used again.”
Was it evil?
Twilight wondered. She knew a bit about its origins. It was an object created by Golden Feather herself, though for who it was not known.
Its immense power and refusal to be found made it ‘good’ in the philosophy of the old ways. Twilight never questioned that assessment until Dash forced her to question her philosophy in general.
Twilight couldn’t answer.
“The pure distilled essence of laughter.” Dash folded her forelegs and thought deeply about that. “Spreads misery and strife? I dunno if that checks out.”
“It’s more like it’s laughing at you, not with you,” said Starlight. “Laughter is often cruel, isn’t it? Screwball is constantly laughing. Can you tell me it wouldn’t be drawn to her, for example?”
Twilight bit her lip. She knew that must have been what Starlight was going for… but if Screwball had an element of harmony and wanted to hurt Dash…
“But you said Sunset Shimmer has it?” Dash recalled the facts to herself. “If I’m getting this right it only allows hedonists to find it, but you’re also saying Sunset Shimmer is a perfect paragon of hedonism and laughter? Like a laughing, screaming maniac? I met her and she seems like… not that.”
“You’re not wrong,” Starlight agreed. “If she were capable, we’d all be at her mercy right now. A wielder of an element of harmony would be unstoppable. I suspect she’d be in my place were that the case.”
That statement oozed with irony.
“But that doesn’t mean her having it is of no concern,” said Starlight. “If it is with her, then it is using her… perhaps to get to somepony truly worthy. Somepony like Screwball, perhaps?”
Twilight hated it, but a lot of Starlight’s conjecture made sense. Maybe Screwball really could use the element of laughter. To use an element not created for you specifically… you’d have to be borderline mentally ill to have a chance at it, their opinions were so eclectic.
And if she did somehow get it, it’d be nearly impossible to protect Rainbow Dash any longer. Twilight knew it was all just conjecture, but just the thought filled her with fear.
“You’re saying Screwball is going to be its chosen one?” Dash’s voice held more skepticism.
“That is my fear. I have reason to believe it is moving.”
“Silverstorm already said Screwball couldn’t find it,” Dash objected. “That means it doesn’t want her, right?”
What the heck was Dash doing?! She knew that story wasn’t true!
“Perhaps at the time. But ponies can change,” Starlight reminded her. “The element of laughter chooses only now to move. That could mean Screwball is only now ‘worthy’ of it.”
That was right!
Twilight understood why the story felt off now. She knew for a fact Starlight was lying, or at least wrong, about Bloodstorm ever having had the element of laughter. She wanted to kick herself for not finding the flaw in the story sooner.
They only work so long as you never change your mind and always agree with them. But to that end, they sort of make you agree with them. You become unable to change your philosophical beliefs. Twilight had seen the effect in person.
Once somepony put on the element of laughter, they would never be able to do anything ‘unworthy’ of it again. So it would never abandon them!
The question now was why Starlight was making all this up. What did she want?
This was something Rainbow Dash was better at figuring out. But Twilight wouldn’t be able to ask her until they escaped from here.
“This is way too many assumptions.” Dash folded her forelegs. “I don’t even know if this thing you’re talking about exists let alone whether we need to destroy it or any of your other billion claims!”
“Oh, I understand you lack enlightenment and need evidence to accept anything.” Starlight gave a solemn nod of her head. “That’s why I’ll give you a chance to see for yourself. Your mission, for now, is merely to find the element of laughter. If you agree to do this, I’ll lift the sanctions.”
“Just finding it?” Dash asked. “Not to destroy it?”
“I’m confident you’ll want this vile thing destroyed once you’ve seen it for yourself.” Starlight smiled. “But yes, as you may recall simply finding it is a difficult task that entire armies have failed at. I won’t lie to you. I don’t think anypony else is capable of helping me with this task.”
Starlight was lying to them. Maybe she was afraid of it and wanted it gone? Though it’d be best to leave it be, were you afraid of it.
Or what if she had an underling that could use it? Nightglider was always smiling… was that close enough? Or maybe Sunset Shimmer–
“I think we should agree to help.” Dash cut Twilight’s thoughts off.
Twilight wanted to object, but at the same time, Dash had a smile as though this was all part of some plan. So Twilight nodded for now.
In the worst-case scenario, they could always just not show up at the last second.
“Excellent,” said Starlight. “Then–”
“One more thing.” Twilight raised a hoof, hoping to get this in before the chance was gone. “Do you know of any more?”
“More?”
“You called it an element. So there are more of these?” Twilight asked.
Starlight smirked. Either she was amused at Twilight’s unusually sly question or saw straight through to the bottom of it.
“There is at least one other,” Starlight said. “But that one is sealed away in the shadow realm. We needn’t concern ourselves with it.”
So Starlight also knew about the element of honesty. Though she was likely right in saying that one was of no importance.
Stats
Page generated in 0.038 seconds
Total duration
643 users online
753,013 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice
11288642
That was fast.
interesting implications... I think the mistress of crater cemetary is in for a bit of a surprise.
Also, I'm sure the element of honesty won't have any importance going ahead twilight. Keep thinking that.
So basically, the Elements of Harmony are a problem for Starlight’s plan, and she wants them either gone or under her control
Weeeeell... we'll see
let's see what happens.
I mean, if you are on a torus, then...
Loving the reference to the hairy ball theorem btw
So we're deconstructing the Elements now? Alright, I'm down for that. Also, I was finally able to read a chapter just after it uploaded again. Yay!
Ah, like a bunch of weird-ass dictators Starlight takes a fancy to classical Greek philosophy.
Third one was named Ember Heart in appendix on witches.
How did she get those?
Well, that kinda explains why Starlight may want Applejack.
Yep das NMM.
11288791
That's the plan, but given that we haven't even seen Luna / Nightmare Moon yet, I doubt that the Elements will be destroyed. Or let themselves eb destroyed, for that matter.
Just "find" it? That's kind of a weird ask. Does Starlight actually need help finding it, or have some reason to think Rainbow Dash can succeed where she can't?
11288653
Especially since a certain Applejack happen to be abke to enter the shadowrealm.
Wait, what? Sunset has Laughter??? That’s...unexpected.
She actually combed a hairy ball? Very impressive. I’m going to guess magic allows for a discontinuous tangent field at the poles, which has interesting implications for the magic system in this universe. Well, unless the hairy ball existed in a non-Euclidean space, in which case the definition of ‘ball’ may permit an ordinary combing.
Wow, Starlight, just go ahead and admit you want Twilight and Dash to destroy themselves trying to take it from Sunset.
Hedonists can take joy from the joy of others. See Pinkie Pie. This is a false conclusion. Not that Starlight doesn’t try to manipulate and gaslight literally everyone all the time.
Literally, that exact same argument applies to Starlight trying to get it out of Sunset’s control even if she actually intends to destroy it. This mare is so frustrating.
I sure don't trust Starlight... She has an agenda here. The question is, what does she want with this?
Very interesting chapter.
If Fluttershy is one of the bigger targets crater cemetery has, it makes me fearful for Sugarcoat and the Shadowbolts, as well as the rest of the ghost society.
11288653
Yeah the element of Honesty will be no problem to a self-delusional narcist with pretensions to godhood, regardless of the cost to the rest of the world ....
11288861
Hmm ... The Crater Specter is trapped in the shadow realm, where the element of Honesty is sealed away ... maybe Crater is the last holder of Honesty and not (or not just) NMM?
11289138
I don't think Celestia or Luna will end up being part of the story. If you remember back to the conversation with the Darklord, he mentioned helping 2 sisters trick the world into thinking they moved the sun and moon in the past. So unless some magic funkery comes into play, which is entirely possible, Celestia and Luna and most likely long gone in the past.
Ugh, false logic. Definitions can be changed by authorities to reflect their desires; standard meanings of words can change with both time and in different languages. Then, there are homonyms. Which means a single word can possess multiple meanings. Therefore, logic cannot immediately assume the definitions are entirely true at face value.
STARLIGHT! YOU ARE A FALSE GOD! AND I SMITE YOU!! (Also you are worst pony. Die.)
...only to be picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable, a hobbit. "What's this? An Element!"
This shift pisses me off. It's one big "my source is that I made it the buck up."
11289682 Absolute power and unlimited rice pudding! The Elements are a power that she can not use and could be used against her, so of course she wants them destroyed.
Starlifht twisted nonessential haha I love it. Abs yeah she wants them to destroy themselves trying to find it.
Something tell me Starlight knows twilight is witch already. It just something her four D chess sort of thing
So the element of honest is in the shadow realm and Jackie here can travel in and out of the shadow realm Hmmm 🤔 nah I don't any of those are related 😋
Assuming starlights description of the pirate kings success and then downfall is true I wonder if instead of laughter he just had the coin.
11293309
Well yes she’s a cult leader. This stuff is surprisingly easy to get into your brain and I’d actually bet money you have irrational beliefs such as this one already embedded in your brain. Cults tend to just be more religious leaning and self destructive about it
11288849
A spah ... she could be any one of us!
I SEE THAT LOVECRAFT REFERENCE!
LAUGHTER IS MISERY
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH