A good start. I want to see Celestia become a milk making factory!

After the small walk upstairs and getting to the second floor, you turned left, immediately being met by spike, the awkward dragon that you still can’t say if he is twilight's son, brother, butler, right hand or just a plain servant.

He's Twilight's agent for her darker deeds. We never hear about what all goes down in the dark of night. Tell me, have you ever seen Spike and Batmare in the same room? Maybe. Because Spike isn't Batmare. But if he was Batmare, you wouldn't. So many 'nuisances' that Twilight cannot take care of herself for her place in the limelight. But Spike? Tell me... who is Spike?

“I finally had a breath through!”

You misspelled 'breast-through'

Needs an editor, but otherwise GREAT!

Now we just need some Moon-tits!

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Thank you~
And yeah, i though so too, I'm working in my next multi chapter fanfic and after I finish the first two chapters I'll be looking for a editor to edit before posting it fully