Pandemic: Starting Over

by Halira

Chapter 63: Heart-to-Heart Talk About Matters of the Heart

I stood on the front porch, and Shǔguāng sat on the edge of it with his eyes fixed on the ground. I was no mind reader, but I knew what was going through his young head. He was wondering why I hadn't told him I love him back. He was wondering if he had done something wrong. Being just a kid, he was probably wondering if he was in trouble. I wasn't helping the situation with my continued silence, but I was still at a loss at what to say. I needed more time. I needed work to distract myself.

"Sit tight for just a few minutes. I need to make a phone call. We will talk after I'm done."

"Okay, Auntie Sunset," he said in a choked whisper that ripped at my heart.

Within a few seconds of the phone ringing, it was picked up. "Sunset? Is that you?" Wild asked over the line.

"It's me," I muttered.

"You don't sound like a mare who may have just saved someone's life," Wild said gravely. "Is there something wrong with your spell we need to know about?"

I blinked. "What? No, no, no. The spell is fine. Bursa should be fine. I'm dealing with… other things. Taking care of foals… it has its challenges."

"I wouldn't know," Wild said in a tone undercut with hurt and anger. She then cleared her throat and could hear her going through calming exercises before continuing. "Why are you calling me? I have already provided you with all the money you need. You don't need to ask permission to spend. Whatever those foals need, you are free to get, or if you just want to spoil them, that's fine too. Is something wrong with the Youngs? I thought they and I had come to a happy agreement."

"I haven't actually gotten to speak with them about your agreement, so I have no idea," I confessed as I grasped for what to say. "Wild, I might be in trouble. The foals might be in trouble. I don't know. I just… weird things're going on, and someone is definitely up to something. It started right after we moved here, and I don't think moving again will stop it."

I heard Wild shuffle in her seat. "You don't sound yourself. I haven't heard you sound like this since that day. Usually, you rage— actually, no, that isn't true. I haven't heard you do one of your rages in some time. Twilight told me about some barking but didn't seem to think it dangerous. Someone terrorizing you with the sound of barking dogs is certainly a threat, and I'm having someone look into who it might be, but it is ultimately just an annoyance, not dangerous. What's going on? What has you acting like this?"

"Something isn't right, Wild. The last time something wasn't right, it ended with Poly Glot getting free, and you know what happened. I have so many enemies, and I still don't know for sure who pulled strings to put him with me," I replied near tears. I was a bit ashamed I was getting this worked up when nothing had happened, but I couldn't help it.

Shǔguāng came over to me and silently hugged me. I put a hoof around him. I had left unsaid that the target might not be me; it could be the foals. This had all started after I got them. No one had tried to pull anything when I was alone at the condo. I couldn't let anything happen to them.

"Sunset," Wild said sympathetically. "I understand you being worried. I can provide some extra security. I can have some cameras installed around the house and property as well with security monitoring the feeds at all times."

I took a deep calming breath. "The Youngs are potentially going to get caught up in this if anything happens. I can't have innocents get caught up in something that doesn't involve them."

Wild hummed. "My deal with them is that I will return the deed to the house to them once they have proven they can re-enter society and hold an income that can afford to pay the property taxes. It also held that you and your wards were always to be welcome and housed there. I was going to arrange for education for the kids and re-education for the adults to get back into the workforce—possibly giving them work at PonyCo. It also promises that they will not be evicted from the house in the meantime or if they fail to ever meet my requirements. I can temporarily house you or them elsewhere, but it is up to all of you to resolve who needs to be the ones to leave for the time being. Make a decision with them and communicate it to Number, and she will take care of everything. I'll have security there by this evening."

"Thank you, Wild," I breathed.

"Thank you, for Bursa. You've saved a life," Wild replied. "I need to go make arrangements for her to be transported to Equestria. You might not know this, but getting what appears to be a hideous diseased monster through interworld customs isn't the easiest task, even with my connections and reputation and Twilight's. Take care of yourself and those foals."

The call ended. I would need to talk to the Youngs to see what to do next, but first, I had a more pressing conversation.

"Shǔguāng, we need to talk," I said after a few seconds of awkward silence. "This is going to be a very serious conversation, and I need you to be a big colt."

He started to cry, still hugging me. "You don't want to be our mama. You don't love us."

I pulled him tighter to me and took a deep breath. I was going to do this, and I wasn't going to tell him a single lie. "Nothing could be further from the truth. I love you, your brothers, Qīng Yǔ, and even your pain in the ass sister—I don't want to ever hear you use that term for her; just forget I called her that. Anyway, I want nothing better than to adopt you as my own."

Shǔguāng gasped and hugged me even tighter. "Mama!"

I hated to wreck his moment, but I had told myself I was going to be honest. "There are a few buts attached to that."

He released me and looked at me in confusion. "What does that mean?"

I ran a hoof gently over his mane. "You and I are very similar, and it isn't just our colors."

"But, you're yellow," Shǔguāng pointed out.

"I'm not normally yellow, and you know that," I said quickly. "That's not the thing I am focusing on here anyway."

"Oh," he replied and sat and waited.

I pointed a hoof at myself and another at him. "You and I are similar in the fact we latch onto things wholly and completely. We grab on to ideas that make our world make sense to us and commit to them with our very being."

He flicked an ear and laid his back. "Is that bad?"

That was an excellent question. "It can sometimes be, but it can also be a source of strength," I answered. "It is best to just recognize it as part of who we are, and be aware that is how our minds work."

He crouched down. "I don't understand. What does that mean, and what does it have to do with you being our new mama?"

I laid down so he wouldn't have to look up at me. "It means that you and I are more committed to making big choices like adopting one another faster than most people would be. We have chosen a course and committed to it. It might seem very fast to others, but they don't think the way we do. It also isn't the way that your little brother thinks. Líng can't commit to such a decision as fast as we can. He needs time, and we shouldn't be rushing or pressuring him."

"But—" Shǔguāng began.

I booped his nose. "That's one but so far. I know you want me to adopt you formally, but I'm not doing that until when and if Líng wants that as well. You and he are a package deal, and you come together."

"I can get Líng to want you as a mama!" Shǔguāng said excitedly.

I shook my head. "No, absolutely not."

Shǔguāng's ears fell again. "Why?"

"You can't pressure him," I stressed. "This has to be something he decides to do entirely on his own, not because you or I want him to. We are family, and family doesn't do things like that to one another. That also means you can't talk about me being your new mother around him. That's pressuring him. Do you think he would be happy if he felt forced into making such a big decision? How would you feel if I pressured you into accepting someone you weren't sure you wanted to be your mother?"

Shǔguāng seemed to consider this. I could tell he didn't like having to wait for his brother. "What about Sister?"

That might be harder for him to understand. "I don't think that I will ever adopt her. If I do my job right, she'll be out on her own in just a few years, making her own life."

He crawled backward away from me, looking hurt and betrayed. "You don't love Sister?"

I took a deep breath. "I care very much about her, love her even, and wish I could adopt her too, but she has made sure I know she does not want me as a mother. I will respect her wishes. I'm still going to do everything I can to care for her."

That relaxed the colt a little, and he crept back towards me. "Maybe Sister will change her mind."

"Maybe, but I'm not going to hold my breath," I replied, unable to keep the disappointment entirely out of my voice. It was strange, being disappointed that teenaged brat was rejecting me, but it was what it was. "However, she did give her blessing for me to adopt you and your brothers—provided Líng eventually decides he wants to be adopted. She and I are on the same page with this."

That seemed to satisfy him. "How long do we have to wait?"

I shrugged. "Until Líng expresses on his own that he wants me to adopt him."

Shǔguāng stood up and flattened his ears all the way back. "But that could take forever!"

"Yes, it could take a long time," I confirmed with a nod. "In the meantime, you can't pressure him. It would be best if you didn't address me as Mama either. Please address me as Auntie. It is less confusing for your brother, and keeping that title for your birth mother is something we should do out of respect anyway. If you like, us using Auntie can be our little secret that it really means adopted mother. Our secret word that just you and I know the real meaning of."

"But I still have to wait forever! Líng is so slow!" Shǔguāng protested with a stomp.

"You may eventually come to appreciate he takes more time to figure things out. Being slower to come to a decision has its advantages," I said with a kind smile. "Don't worry. I'm going to be spending much more time with you and your brothers now that the immediate issues are taken care of. Security will be keeping an eye on whatever is causing the barking, so I don't have to focus on it as much. Maybe spending more time with him will make him come to a decision faster."

"He's still gonna go slow," Shǔguāng muttered as he kicked at the ground.

I sat back up and pulled the colt into a hug. "We have time, and it just seems like he goes slow because we go fast. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are all of you. Now, let's go inside, and maybe we can play some games together—after I talk to the Youngs."

He accepted my hug. "That sounds good. I love you, Auntie."

I blinked. I still wasn't fully prepared for that declaration, but we were alone at the moment.

I kissed him on the forehead. "I love you too, Shǔguāng."

Author's Note:

Short chapter, but didn't need to be longer.

Comments

[harts fire]

such a tender chapter so much love.
this is a amazing chapter and a family building chapter.