• Published 10th May 2020
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Pandemic: Starting Over - Halira



A unicorn with an unscrupulous past finds herself as a guardian to five orphaned foals. Now she must help them after their world has fallen down, and they must help her become a better pony.

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Chapter 54: An Old Mare Can Learn New Tricks

I stayed in my corner, undisturbed. Wallowing in my misery, or as Trixie would put it, being the great and powerful wallower. Was it self-pity? No, it was just pain and grief. I remembered that the day it happened I was in a state of shock and couldn't manage a tear. Yet every day since, the tears had come and kept on coming. It never got any easier. It never numbed. It was always like a new weight crashing down upon me.

At points, I glanced behind me and saw that a miracle had happened. Everyone was huddled in a circle in the middle of the room, and they were talking. This did not stir me from my spot. They seemed to be getting along well enough, and a crying old mare might break whatever ease they were gaining with one another.

I heard footsteps leaving the group at one point and turned to see Paul had distanced himself with a pained look on his face. I could only imagine that Jess was recounting her experiences, and he wanted to avoid listening. He was beckoned to return to the group a few minutes later, and he did so. I continued to sit alone in my corner undisturbed. This was not to say I was ignored. I heard the colts more than once inquire about what was wrong with Auntie Sunset, only to have an adult tell them I needed some time alone. They were quickly promised time with me later.

Parts of conversation reached my ears, even though they were keeping their voices down. People recounted events in their lives, their daily lives, what they thought of the weather, all the things people talked about casually among themselves in any other setting. There were also things said about me that I did my best not to listen to, as well as talk about the early days of ETS and how people's lives changed then and were different now. There was even some laughter, which helped warm me. Still, I stayed where I was.

I must have drifted off to sleep because I found myself in a row of tall alabaster pillars, with soft orange feathers touching my face.

"My sunshine, crying yourself to sleep again?" Tonya asked with a kind and concerned smile. She was in her pony form, touching a regular pegasus wing to me.

"I didn't mean to if I did," I replied, relishing her touch, even if it was an illusion. "I think I stopped crying before I drifted off… but I don't know."

"Are you actually in bed, or are you somewhere you'll regret falling asleep," Tonya asked with a slight frown.

"The second one, I'm pretty sure," I answered with honesty. I looked around. "Where's the flying fish?"

"Her form is actually that of an Equestrian siren, which may or may not be extinct," Tonya corrected. "She's around, as always, but keeping her distance out of care and respect."

"You don't know if they're extinct?" I asked in confusion. "I thought you knew everything."

Tonya laughed. "We know many things, but not everything. There are no more sirens in Equestria. The last of them were banished from that world long ago, and the banisher did not know where he sent them. Perhaps they persist elsewhere. It is an unimportant detail. What matters now is you."

"Another lecture?" I groaned.

She shook her head and then kissed me on mine. "No. I'm just going to sit here with you for a while and tell you I love you. I know that doesn't reduce the hurt you feel, but all I can do is give you my love."

"I wish I could stop hurting," I said as I leaned forward into her. She wrapped her wing around me as I did.

"You hurt because you love and care," she whispered. "Though it grieves me to see you in pain, I would not have you abandon those. You should not lessen such pain. You should grow to carry the burden better."

"I don't know how much growth there is in me at my age," I said regretfully.

She turned her head and looked at me. "I wanted to share with you something that Phobia suggested discussing with you, something that has become a trend among the Harmonists, but also among others. It has its fallacies and shortcomings, but it has some value in exploring who you are. Something we can sit and talk about, like a normal couple."

"Some psychological mumbo-jumbo?" I asked.

"Let me remind you that I was doing counseling before I passed and considering psychology as a permanent career, and your daughter studies that—not to mention Psy is a psychologist."

"Sorry," I replied, feeling a little ashamed. "Go ahead and tell me. I will keep an open mind."

She stepped back from me so we could properly see one another. "You might remember something called the five love languages."

"Yeah," I confirmed. "I remember that."

She smiled and nodded. "So the Harmonists devised a system of describing people in five friendship languages. Everyone has all five in them, to some degree, and the whole makes up the magic of friendship, but we value each in different orders. While one person's top language may be loyalty and their weakest kindness, another might have a completely different order. Finding out how you rank them can help you feel fulfilled in your relationships. It is an oversimplification they have done, but it has value in thinking about how you communicate your friendship."

"So… like Wild is a very strong generosity," I asked.

Tonya nodded. "Yes, based on your observation. Her top friendship language is generosity. That's how she most often displays her friendship. Generosity, loyalty, kindness, honesty, and laughter are the different ways people communicate friendship to others according to this system. I will give you one full example to help you. Phobia would be ranked high in honesty, but relatively weak in laughter with kindness and loyalty rounding out her top three. Can you see how this works?"

"I suppose so," I replied. "I guess Number would be a strong loyalty, followed by generosity. I'm not sure how the other three would fall for her, only that they're lower than those two. I suppose she is weakest in… honesty maybe or perhaps laughter? She has to have more kindness than those two. If I had to guess, honesty could be her weakest. She's done a lot of lying, cheating, and stealing in her life."

Tonya chuckled. "Not what she wants to be remembered, but perhaps. It is hardly an exact science, but you're getting the idea. I wanted to share this with you because I wanted you to think about how they fall for you, and maybe take a look at those who you struggle to get along with and try to understand what is important to them. It's a tool to help you understand yourself and understand others and what they communicate through their actions. Their primary ways of communicating friendship might not be yours, and that can sometimes lead to confusion."

I frowned. "I don't know. I'm not sure if any of those aspects can be applied to me."

Tonya smirked. "Now, Sunset. You know that's not true. Maybe you don't think it now, but if you take your time, maybe you will see. But you will have to do that later."

"Why later?" I asked in confusion

"Because you're about to wake up. Talk to you later, my love."

"Auntie Sunset!"

I awoke to being jostled by tiny hooves, more than one set of small hooves. I looked to either side of me and found Shǔguāng on one side of me and Líng on the other.

"What do you want? Is something wrong?" I asked with a yawn.

"It's bedtime, Auntie, and you shouldn't sleep on the floor!" Líng declared.

I looked behind me. Lántiān was observing from a short distance away with Qīng Yǔ passed out on her back. Paul was watching Mèng, but there was no sign of Jess. There wasn't any sign of anyone else for that matter.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, trying to reason it out.

"They went to bed. It's bedtime, Auntie!" Shǔguāng explained.

I turned and looked at Lántiān. "The Youngs, they all went to bed in rooms, without a fuss?"

She nodded to me. "They did, ma'am. I am trying to get my brothers to go to bed, but they have a request for you."

"Can we sleep in bed with you, Auntie?" Shǔguāng begged. "We asked Sister yesterday, and she said no because you were sick. We asked her again now, and she said we had to ask you. Can we please?"

"The house makes weird noises at night, and we don't want to be alone," Líng explained.

"And Sister won't let us sleep with her and Qīng Yǔ!" Shǔguāng added on.

"So can we sleep with you?" Líng begged again.

My ears flicked, and I looked back at Lántiān. "You were going to just leave me here all night on the floor?"

She shook her head. "Everyone agreed you would wake on your own and make your way to bed when you were ready, ma'am. They said they wanted you to rest because you were emotionally exhausted. Paul would be here to watch you and answer any questions you might have when you woke up. My brothers are not in agreement. I could get them to bed yesterday, but this time they refuse to go to bed until they talk to you. Can you please answer them, ma'am, so that I can tuck my daughter in?"

My first impulse was to tell them they were too old to need to have an adult protect them from nightmares as they slept, but as I looked at the two colts and their expectant faces, that thought shriveled. I thought about what Trixie had said and made a decision.

I gave them a kind smile. "Alright, you can sleep with me tonight, but we can't make a habit of this. This is our new home, and you need to get used to all the sounds it makes."

They both latched onto me with hugs. "We will, Auntie!" Líng declared happily.

"We just want to be sure you are okay," Shǔguāng added on.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I thought you said it was because the house was scary."

His red shade darkened with a blush. "That too."

I turned my head and looked at Lántiān. "I've got them. You can take care of yourself and Qīng Yǔ. I know you must be tired; it has been a long day for you as well."

"That it has been, ma'am," she said with a nod and began walking off.

"Lántiān," I called out, causing her to pause. "Thank you."

She looked back at me with a baffled expression. "For what, ma'am?"

I sighed. "For being helpful, always doing what you are told, never giving me a reason not to trust you, and always being open and honest about your feelings—even when they are things I'd rather not hear. I know this is a challenging time for you, and I have not always done the best to make it less stressful for you. I'm not your mother, but I'm here for you if you need me. We may not always agree or always get along, but I'll always try to do the right thing for you and the others—even if I screw-up sometimes."

Her expression went even stonier than usual, and she then turned her face away so I couldn't see it. She stood still for a few seconds before giving a stiff nod. "Sleep well, ma'am." She then walked off.

I might never understand that filly.

Standing up made the two colts release me. I looked over at Paul. "My room is on the second floor on this side of the house, if you need me for anything. The door will remain open as I sleep. You are welcome to the food in the kitchen. I would say you can take him outside to play, but I doubt you'd be able to keep track of him in the dark as well as Josie."

Paul looked up at me. He had been distracting Mèng with something on his cell phone. "I agree. I would hate to try chasing him around in the dark. This isn't my first rodeo dealing with a night pony colt, though. Josie also gave me a rundown on the things that seem to interest him, the words she was working on, and the methods she was using to get him to pick up on words. I think I have enough to keep the two of us occupied through the night."

"Thank you again for doing this, Paul," I said. "And you haven't officially asked me yet, but yes, Devon and Dusk can come visit when Robby arrives in the morning. I couldn't refuse you a chance to see your eldest son."

Paul gave me a grateful look. "Thank you, Sunset. We're all looking forward to it. I wouldn't be surprised if Jess is up right now, talking to him on the phone. She's slipped into a bit of a nocturnal schedule because she spends so much time talking to him. We've been trying to break her of it so she doesn't have problems when she starts classes in the fall, and it makes Silvia's job harder if Jess has an episode late at night while staying up late and Silvia is asleep."

"She doesn't have them in her sleep?" I asked.

Paul shook his head. "My sister does something to keep that from happening while Jess is sleeping. Jess explained how it works, and so did Robby and Phobia, but I couldn't understand it. It's not like I can get a clearer explanation by going to Tonya directly."

Talk of Tonya was always painful. I saw the pain I felt reflected on Paul's face, but it was different for him. While me, Jess, and Robby could still talk to her, despite her having changed dramatically from the person we had known her to be when alive, Paul couldn't even do that.

"It's hard for me to talk about her," I said, trying not to start crying again. "But if you want to talk to me sometime about what's the same and what's different, I'll bring the box of tissues for us to share. I know your kids didn't know her well enough to be able to do that."

Paul closed his eyes, and his mouth tightened as he nodded. "Thank you. You're a good pony, Sunset."

"I'm just trying to learn I don't have to shoulder my grief alone," I said quietly. "You shouldn't have to either."

The colts had been quiet and respectful while I spoke with their sister and Paul, but they were still foals that were up too late, and I could tell by their postures it was time for us to go to bed.

"Come along. I hope neither of you snores."

Author's Note:

So, what does everyone think Sunset's friendship language spread is?

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