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Overhaul is someone of the past.
Kai Chisaki is someone in the present.
Overhaul is a sociopath and a child abuser, who runs a yakuza gang called the Hassaikai. He was a male human who had both of his arms blown off. Leaving him being basically quirkless and due to this, was sent to his untimely end.
Kai is a dark amber stallion with a dark auburn mane and gold eyes who runs a cafe in Canterlot. He is supposed to be seen as polite, nice and inviting to his paying customers. Despite his rather warm personality, he doesn't have many friends. Well... friends, he wouldn't exactly call his.
Chisaki is a male human who can do things Kai couldn't, like shapeshift, murder, steal, kidnap and all those illegal things. Things a regular nice earth pony called Kai couldn't and shouldn't do because Kai is a good normal pony.
Me? I was your regular cosplayer who got dragged into this mess because I had to buy something. But that isn't the biggest elephant in the room, the biggest elephant in the room is the creature screeching in my soundproof basement. My eyes watched as it struggled against its bonds.
I blinked and grimaced when I realised how wrong it sounds. I yawned and grabbed the scalpel that laid on the tray next to me. It was like the first few hours it tried wasn't in vein, as if forgetting that no matter how loud it is, it still wouldn't be heard. Geez, i know that this world is so much more... naive but are you serious?
You'd think that after the first few minutes it'd understand the fact that the room was soundproof.
My look turned a bit worried when the screeching got a pitch higher and I wasn't able to hear anything from it for a few moments. Did- did it just burst my eardrum? I placed a pinkie into my ear and let out a sigh of relief when I didn't feel anything wrong. While I could heal it, I'd rather not deal with something so delicate, it hurt a crap ton when I fixed it. I winced and rubbed my ear, I could still feel the pain from when I tried to give myself super hearing.
Spoilers, it hurts. Like a lot.
Now, I know why you're questioning why I even have a screaming insect in my torture basement. Well... honestly, I myself didn't know either. It was supposed to be a simple workday but nope! I have to deal with a possible infestation.
Do you know how dirty insects are?
"REAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Well, there's the pitch I know. I rolled my neck in annoyance when it began to alternate between a pitch I knew and the pitch I couldn't hear. My grip on the scalpel in my gloved hand tightened as a thought entered my mind. The possibility that this was a signal that could bypass my soundproof walls worried me.
I'm a patient man, I knew when to give chances. Even to insects who don't deserve it, I still know when to give chances. Believe it or not, I don't like bloodshed. It's disgusting and annoying to clean, so I tend to try and not get into many conflicts unless necessary.
(Which somehow is everytime but that isn't the point.)
A few moments passed and I could feel my grip getting even tighter when it still continued to screech, this waiting game was beginning to get... annoying. I tsk'd and slammed a hand to the table it was resting on. I couldn't stop the glimmer of satisfaction that entered me when its jaw clicked shut almost immediately. That's it, about time it shut up.
It's clear blue eyes stared right into mine as the table began to slowly shift until it was completely facing me. I rolled my neck and sat down on a conveniently made chair behind me. I continued to eye it with a slight sliver of interest. I haven't begun my interrogation and while information is good. A small part of me is rather interested in what makes it tick.
I leaned onto my gloved palm as I tried to see the pros and cons of each decision. Covered fingers slowly twirling the sharp blade around my nimble fingers. There wasn't a lot of info about these insects and I checked from that abandoned watchtower to the Canterlot library. While I could've tried to check the Canterlot archives, I'd rather not get caught. That'd lead to a criminal record which would then lead to me on a watch list.
The movement from my hand stopped when I noticed something move near my sight. The sharp metal whistled through the air and pierced into an elongated tongue and into the wood. It must've been trying to unlock the bonds, I couldn't help but wonder why it hadn't done so sooner. Then my irritation began to rise at the audacity, didn't they know that I was thinking!?
"Annoying, piece of..." I grumbled as I stood up from my chair and I drew close with a glare. I made a decision, my gloved fingers reaching over to lightly place my palm against its snout.
A burst of glee grew when it flinched before staring at me with fearful eyes. It started to slowly relax, probably thinking I was going to finally end its suffering. I did the complete opposite.
It was a slow process, something I purposely did. Its eyes shot open, mouth about to scream before a muzzle made from it's own black chitin formed around its snout. My lips pulled up into a smile, it tugged even wider when it began to writhe in pain. "This is what'll happen when you show me such a pathetic display of escape." I pulled my hand away, to reach onto the squirming tongue that flailed outside its maw.
The tips of my fingers dug into the flesh as I pulled it from the blade, the glove making it a bit too hard to grip but it was nothing I couldn't do. I pulled my arm back before I began to wrap it around its own maw.
It was messy, something I just realised when the wiggling tongue came a bit too close to comfort. My glee was then ruined when it sprayed its disgusting blood on me. I tsk'ed once more and gripped it tightly, with a quick thought. The wound began to slowly heal and the muffled screams continued to grow louder.
Now, I'm sure you're asking what a creature is doing in my basement. I wonder that myself too, like a few moments earlier when I first strapped it down when it attacked me. Like, I'm just a simple bartender. Who the heck attacks the dude who just made you your drink a few moments a while ago? I didn't even poison the drink or anything, I don't poison anyone’s drink. That's just rude, besides I could potentially lose my business when they survive.
But that isn't the point, I'm here to talk about how I got the screeching thing. So sit down, grab some food and relax because we're gonna start this journey from the complete start.
This story starts on that one fateful night a year ago. Where I was graced by the presence of one of the heavenly sisters, Princess Luna.
While I'm disappointed that we'll have to wait for a continuation, I can't deny that the quality of this chapter is much better than the previous ones. Hope to see more soon
Pretty Good, So Far.
was confused af till I read the description
Great improvement
Better so far, just a few misplaced commas and periods. But aside from that, this chapter is a large improvement.
I gotta ask, since this is your second story under rewrite, is this gonna be a common occurrence in your stories getting 5-10 chapters in before rewriting? I personally thought both were good before rewrite, but it's hard to stay interested when the ground base keeps getting upended every so often.
Didn't really think the story needed a rewrite but that's ok I guess. You shouldn't do rewrites just for grammar mistakes, cause most the original readers don't wanna just reread the exact same plot
Aight, so when I saw a chapter update I was expecting a whole new chapter, not starting from square 0. Very disorienting, and it implies that I should forget that any of the previous writing applied, and that it's going to be a completely different story with different expectations to have on it.
Despite the fact that you've only stated that you planned on fleshing out chapters, it's very disorienting.
Let me REEEEEEEEEEE in piece! Nothing against you. I'm going to be reading it all the same.
Shame that it's going through a rewrite so soon, but if you think it wasn't the direction you wanted it to go, then hopefully this new one fits your vision
I admit I'm kinda disappointed that the story's being rewritten, but on the other hand the later chapters were kinda disjointed and confusing, so I can live with it.
10237133
Ah no, not really. It's just coincidence actually.
10237160
Yeah I know, that's why I'm going to go a different route about it.
I’m deeply confuse, I haven’t read any chapters yet because I want to be a 100% sure. THIS is the first chapter of the rewrite right? The previous chapter is the whole old story right?
If I read the previous chapter I will be spoil of what’s going to happen on the next rewrite chapters right? I’m dying of the anticipation to read.
10237559
Yes this is the first chapter of the rewrite
Glad to see a rewrite, though I am disappointed in the lack of words. it only took me a minute to read your "1st" chapter. still good though.
‘1500K’...? The next chapter is gonna be 1.5 Million words long?
10237038
I'm inclined to agree. The first....I suppose we can call it The Outline, was okay for what it was, but the quality of this chapter is magnitudes higher. The Outline at times felt rushed, we got little background on the main character (though really we still have almost nothing other than the typical Displaced intro-bit but if this is meant to be focused on the Now of his life and not the Then of his life, that's fine. Perhaps we'll learn more of our protagonist later, perhaps not.) The Outline mentioned key events that mentioned his outer persona, the personality he showed everyone else, and also described a bit the kind of person he wanted to be, and the struggle with his form's original personality conflicting his own. The Outline introduced characters that will be considered important, as well as revealed how little about the world and those in it he actually knows, as well as how ridiculously easy it is to open a shop seemingly without any documentation, lol.
It gets across the kind of world it is, and also how easily Celestia and Luna are willing to jump to conclusions and not investigate a situation at all before deciding to execute the suspect. In its own way, this explains how 'easy' it was for Celestia to send Luna to the moon, and to also be willing to just push all the unpleasantness between them under the rug and move on after her 1000 year time-out.
Flighty as birds, those swans.
But here we are, back at the start, and advancing at a slower and more detailed pace. Frankly the difference from The Outline and Chapter 1 makes it feel like it's been written by two different people. One person wants to say the bare minimum to establish social connections between characters as quickly as possible and a handful of tidbits on what motivates them (mostly sex in the females' case) and then get straight to the action.
The other wants to tell us a story.
i like that its going in a different direction, hope it wont get to the point where he literally did one of the most idiotic things he could do and just charge at damn royalty
10239003
dude, why the fuck is half the fucking letters on this site fucking bold its annoying the shit out of me
10247586
Bold? uhh is your Desktop/Laptop ok because I'm sure that 90% of this site is normal grammar? Sure if everything was bold it would be annoying but have you considered it's not the site? Have you tried to simply refresh your page? Are you zoomed in to the page? If those don't work try to restart your computer/laptop whichever you have.
10247586
Very rarely do I see the letters bolded on this site. Did you at some point hold the control key and roll the mouse wheel? Doing that in one direction while holding control will increase letter size (by zooming in on the page) and rolling it the other way while doing that will make them shrink (by zooming out) I've noticed that as you zoom in regular words look like they've been bolded.
10248376
10247946
nah dude, for some reasons in dark mode the fucking words come out like that fucking annoying
10250822
oof
Hey writing Dragon what your schedule for this story ? Are you doing monthly posts or something more like post in convenience ? To be honest I’m dying to see how this goes.
10250822
Yikes
more?
You had my attention before but now you have my attention
Dead?
10404690
plz dont be
This new rewrite is much better.
Update?