The Immortal Dream

by Czar_Yoshi

Reconciliation

Several days ago...

Corsica's body felt like it was made of soap.

This happened more often than she cared to admit. Trying to move her muscles, to use her legs, it was like she had to grab her body with her mind to move it in the ways she desired, only it was slippery and if she didn't keep a firm focus, she could drop herself on the floor in a heap. A marionette with its strings cut.

One would think that, with a special talent with consequences like this, the obvious solution would be to avoid using it as much as possible. Unfortunately, not using it took more focus than actually using it. And thus it was that the twin tasks of policing her thoughts and her actions took up about all of the effort Corsica could afford to give at any given moment.

That was why, when anything happened that was exciting enough to catch her focus anyway, it was both frightening and exhilarating: more often than not, it would end in an accidental or deliberate use of her talent. But the stimulation, the chance to break free from her control of herself, to feel and think...

She knew it would just make things worse in the end. But at times like those - at times like these - she couldn't help but let go and come alive.

"You mean to tell me you suspect my mother was an infidel?" Coda stared at Papyrus with incredulous, enlightened eyes. "Sin upon so many sins, does her wickedness never end?"

Corsica leaned against a crate in the Nemestasis room, her ears perked as Papyrus's long-winded story reached its point. "You're saying there just randomly happened to be an Icereach Head Scientist in Izvaldi, in a position to become her father."

Her thoughts kept racing back to an hour ago, when Halcyon - upon being lightly and non-seriously pressed about whether she could have known about Coda's link to Project Nemestasis - didn't attempt any sort of denial and instead asked to be tied up. They kept racing to a day before that, in a sauna in Cold Karma, where she mentioned feeling like there were multiple different people in her head, some of whom knew things she didn't know, and she was only one among many.

"All I'm saying is, if a certain secretive batpony from Icereach whom we know knew about this machine in advance happened to come to Ironridge with the intent of securing the friendship and presence of an elusive, wayward filly who happened to be the key to one of the world's most ridiculous weapons and bringing her back here, it would be an interesting plan to be in on, is all!"

"This machine is... dangerous. It seems to be a control panel by means of which Icereach can launch bombs through the air at any place in the world. And everyone is debating the possibility that you won my trust and brought me here exclusively to have me use it. I can see their intentions, and no one truly believes you did, but only Corsica is certain you didn't, either. And even she is trying to hide from her doubts. It does seem quite the coincidence that... I know not even how it would be possible for control of this machine to run in my blood. Is there anything...?"

Her thoughts kept racing back to Papyrus's and Coda's words... and to Halcyon's response to them: sure. Might as well tie me up.

What went on in that kid's head was sometimes painfully transparent, and other times a confounding mystery. Here, it was a mix of both: anyone could see that Halcyon really did doubt herself. But why, though? Even if it was possible that Halcyon had other selves she almost never talked about to another soul, those selves could think and conceal information from her, and had some grand master plan involving bringing together this machine and the filly who could use it, that didn't mean it was a reasonable conclusion to draw. Things weren't true just because you could drum up a wild theory explaining why they were possible.

Corsica wished-

No. Better not to think that way.

She hadn't found the strength at the time to point out how floppy that line of reasoning was, and despite knowing even less than her, no one else had thought to question it. That was how it happened. No point in wanting to change that, even if her own inaction was bitter to accept.

Corsica tried to accept it, but the bitterness bubbled over anyway.

"Wait," she interrupted, cutting off Papyrus's rambling speculation. "You're saying, after the way we treated Halcyon because there was no better explanation to this head scientist's daughter business, that you knew that Coda's mother and a head scientist had been in close proximity at the right time. You're saying we jumped her purely because this seemed too contrived to be a coincidence and we had no better explanation, and you actually had a better explanation."

"Don't look at me!" Papyrus squawked. "I'm just postulating innocently about how little Coda could be related to this machine. I didn't know there was a machine here with a condition like this. Besides, I'm not the only one here who knew about Navarre! Isn't that right, Senescey?"

"Shut up and stop calling me that." Leif gave him a dangerous look. "And... yes. I hadn't put two and two together. But I knew of Navarre's existence."

"If it makes you feel better," Unless belched, "I knew too."

Internally, Corsica sighed. Coda was a head scientist's daughter, she could control this machine, blah blah blah. If that really needed to not be a coincidence, Halcyon was suddenly one of the least-suspect ponies here, next to everyone who had actually been in the Empire at the time...

Halcyon needed to know. Whyever she was blaming herself for this, she didn't deserve it.

Corsica got to her hooves and announced her plans to the room. "Right. Last chance to give me a reason not to untie her, because you all are way more suspicious than she is."

"Because she asked to be tied up." Leif looked at the floor. "Whatever it is she knows, she had to have a reason for that."

Corsica squeezed her eyes shut. It was probably a bad reason. Changing it was the point. Maybe Halcyon would let it go if she knew... knew...

One little waver, the tiniest pushback to her plan, and Corsica's motivation was draining away like silicate through a colander. It was so hard to hold onto that, these days. She had memories of it being easier, when she wasn't this close to her talent's limit, but even those days paled in comparison to what she had been before the avalanche.

And those days would never return, so, really, what was the point? Why bother trying at all?

Sorry, Hallie.

---

Some time later, after a lot more conversation and a surprise visit from Ludwig with an even more surprising end, Corsica was trying again.

Her body was a little harder to hold up than before, courtesy of using her talent again. From the impact, it felt like a minor use, but even minor stuff felt major when she was this close to the edge. Some time off, a chance to recover... That would be nice.

Well, not nice. More like a minimum requirement. But still, Corsica let herself want it as badly as she dared.

She trudged through the hallways, alone. Most would call it reckless when there were changelings about, but this was the same kind of recklessness she was known for in Icereach: not so much an appetite for flaunting the rules as an inability to care. It was synergistic, when she thought about it: using her special talent lowered her capacity to care about things, and caring too much about things often led to accidental uses of her talent. If only that synergy could have converged on a state she enjoyed being in.

It was a dull duty that propelled her forward, more inertia than anything. Corsica had gotten good at using that kind of inertia to power her life. Drifting by, doing the same kinds of things she always did... it was a fallback for her medium days, when she was good enough that she didn't just stay in bed, but not so good that she got up and about because she wanted to. Most days were medium days. But the ones where no one else was around, where she couldn't just go with the flow... Those were the ones where it helped.

On bad days, it was a lot more necessary than a mere help.

She stopped outside the door and took a moment to collect herself. Going slow was something of a paradox: at times, it caused her to lose what momentum she had, to give up and walk away. Other times, it gave her a rest break, and let her regroup and continue stronger and more present than before. Fortunately, this time felt like the latter.

One moment... Two moments... Three...

Corsica got up, lit her horn and opened the door.

On the other side, Halcyon was sitting, well-lit and professionally, if comfortably, bound. Her green eyes instantly snapped to Corsica's. And, instead of all reasonable emotions, they flickered with fear.

"Halcyon?" Corsica blinked. "What...? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Halcyon shifted and tried to hide the expression, though it was still there. "Like what?"

This wasn't right. "You know anything about Ludwig?" Corsica asked. "He said you were a ghost?"

Halcyon shook her head, not meeting Corsica's eyes.

"That's... not how Halcyon would respond," Corsica said cautiously. Besides, as crass as Ludwig was, he had successfully relayed an answer when she asked a question to confirm Halcyon's identity... "What's going on here? You're not a changeling, are you?"

Halcyon closed her eyes, looking as if she wished she was anywhere but here.

"Well, I've got nothing." Corsica shrugged, sitting down against the opposite wall and watching the door. "Hope you don't mind if I crash here for a while too. Not like I've got anything better to do."

Doing nothing was a surprisingly effective strategy. Many times before, Corsica had realized that she could outlast almost anyone in a test of patience simply by zoning out, giving up for a while and becoming an inert slab of meat. Any problem that theoretically could be solved this way, she had the endurance to solve. More accurately, the lack of endurance, creatively applied... and after long enough, Halcyon proved to be no exception.

"Why are you still here?" she asked. "Don't you have anything better to do with yourself?"

"You'd be surprised," Corsica grunted, feeling a tiny bit better for indulging her laziness. "Though I could ask the same of you. You're thinking these alternate selves of yours somehow masterminded you into somehow manipulating Coda here for reasons you know nothing about? Is staying tied up to guard against that really the best use of your time?"

Halcyon clammed up again.

"I'm patient," Corsica warned. "Don't test it if you don't wanna lose."

"Please don't speak to me," Halcyon whispered.

Corsica's eyebrows rose. And, for a moment, she complied.

This wasn't Halcyon. Probably? Maybe. Honestly, Halcyon got pretty bad nerves at times too. But she also had a spark, an invisible drive towards a goal Corsica could never quite understand, and that was missing. This Halcyon felt small, almost uncomfortably so, like she was trying to hide, and had never spoken to another pony before.

Wait...

"Maybe I'm only guessing this because it's fresh in my mind," Corsica offered. "And shut me up if I'm off the mark. But you're one of Halcyon's... other parts?"

"...Yes," Halcyon said, glaring at the floor. "The one you bullied while you were dating Ansel."

Corsica's eyes widened. "Ohh..."

"You've clearly changed since then," Halcyon said, her gaze softening. "But, not completely. And you and the real me have a good thing going. So, sorry if I'm not more talkative. I don't want to ruin that for her."

Corsica didn't know what to say.

"In fact, just forget you ever saw me," Halcyon added. "And, please leave? You started fresh after the accident. There's no reason to get the past mixed up in what you two have now. There's nothing for you there."

"Sure you don't want the company?" Corsica offered. "I mean it, I've got nothing better to do."

Halcyon hesitated. "Anything I say to try to convince you is just going to make you want to stay. Save your energy for the side of me that you're friends with. Remember, I don't like you."

Corsica paused for a moment. "Fair. Sorry about all that."

Halcyon didn't reply.

"Guess I thought you were over it," Corsica eventually said. "After all, you never brought it up after the avalanche. Sorry. I'm not good at tactfully broaching stuff like this."

"That's because... I'm not her," Halcyon said. "Not the Halcyon you've known since that day." She sighed. "Ugh. I was terrified when she told you about me earlier, in the sauna. But I guess it makes this a lot less awkward than it could be..."

"I'm too done to feel awkward," Corsica told her, though it wasn't entirely true. "You've got stuff that needs to be said, lay it on me. I'm a big girl, I can take it."

"...No." Halcyon looked away again. "I don't have anything that needs to be said."

Corsica raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

Halcyon withdrew into herself a little. It was... cute.

Tease her, some part of Corsica said.

"Well, I've got stuff I'd like to know," Corsica asked instead, ignoring the urge. "Why'd you always tag along with us if you disliked it so much?"

It wasn't a question she ever could have asked Halcyon normally. Part of it was her reluctance to think too much about the happier days of her own past, and invite the perils of wishful thinking. But, mostly, she didn't want to question it. Having Halcyon as a friend was a plus she didn't want to face her current life without. If it didn't make sense that things would turn out this way, so what? She didn't need answers, and prodding at the status quo might cause it to unravel, like waking from a dream.

But... now, this was different. It felt like she had stepped outside of time, and could take that risk with a different Halcyon with some measure of protection from the consequences. Or, not protection, really. Rather, her relationship with this pony wasn't yet settled. Maybe they would become friends, maybe enemies, or maybe never speak to each other again. Either way, now was the time to cast the chips and see where they landed.

...Probably. Corsica didn't trust herself to think too hard about it.

"You really wanna know?" Halcyon still refused to make eye contact. "I didn't have anything better to do. That's all there was to it."

Corsica raised an eyebrow, feeling like there was more.

"I'm sorry," Halcyon sighed. "That's a lie. But, the truth is, I'm not a very enviable pony. There's a reason I'm gone most of the time, and it's a different Halcyon you do science with and have sleepovers with and all that. I don't know how to talk about myself without making you pity me. And that pity is going to carry over to the Halcyon you know, who doesn't deserve it."

"What are you so sad about?" Corsica leaned against the wall. "The prime of my life is behind me. I've got a special talent that basically ruins my chances at ever making a concerted, long-term effort at anything... like having a family, or holding a job. I know a thing or two about this. I should be able to relate. But whatever you're thinking right now, I can't tell why you're thinking about it at all."

For some reason, Halcyon just cringed. "I'm sorry..."

"I'm going to start counting the number of times you say that," Corsica warned.

Halcyon squeezed her eyes shut and her ears back.

Corsica backed off a little, and settled for asking questions to herself instead of out loud. How close really were these two Halcyons? Were they really separate people, or just different facets of the same personality? She would have to read up more on dissociative identity disorder when she got the chance... This one certainly seemed to have more baggage. Or, at least, less strength with which to carry the load she had been given.

That sure was relatable. Corsica struggled to carry herself to the degree where it was physically hard to walk.

"Hey," she said. "The other Halcyon, the one I know... How much does she know about what you're thinking?"

"We're separate," Halcyon said. "She's not going to remember this conversation unless I make an effort to let her. But our feelings are tied together, so if one of us feels an emotion, it's reflected in the other to some degree."

Corsica chanced half of a grin. "So if I cheer her up, it'll cheer you up, and vice versa?"

Halcyon gave her a look of confusion.

"Listen," Corsica said, letting the grin evaporate into seriousness. "You've clearly got a lot on your mind with no good way to process it. For all I know, I'm the first pony not named Halcyon you've talked to in years. So tell me. I can keep a secret, including from the other you. I wanna know... more about how the two of you work."

Halcyon didn't look convinced... yet there was a spark of temptation, there deep beneath the surface. She was lonely.

"Come on." Corsica reached out a hoof. "You'll feel better. I promise."

Halcyon stared at the hoof. Her gaze wavered. She set her jaw.

And then she closed her eyes, turned away and sighed. "I spent years waiting for you to offer me the slightest invitation to do anything. I always invited myself when you never did. So why now? Why tempt me with that so long after I've given up, and with something I don't even want to do?"

"Guess I've changed." Corsica dropped the hoof and went back to leaning against the wall. "So have you. And everything else, to boot. If we've got a chance at a reset, might as well do things right this time?"

"Why do you want this?" Halcyon warily asked. "You've got the real me already. What's in this for you?"

"Nothing." Corsica shrugged. "Same as was in it for your other half when she reached out to me after the avalanche and I batted her away ten million times before realizing I needed it. I'm just returning the favor."

Halcyon looked away. From the expression on her face, she had far too much on her mind.

---

I felt a nudge from beneath my mask, and realized that it had been several minutes since dropping the Book of Coda.

Maybe longer. Time just seemed to have... frozen, and pushed me ahead without anything else catching up.

The nudge prodded me again. Other Halcyon wanted to talk.

I wished I knew how to turn her into a ghost. That would be a lot more convenient, when I was the one usually in control. But, even if I now knew the nature of my powers, that didn't mean I knew how to control them.

So, I took a breath, focused, and took off-

---

-her mask.

It didn't take long for Halcyon to turn me into a ghost. After she did, not one of us spoke.

"...Well?" she eventually asked, still wearing my tattered clothing. "Now you... I assume, with a reaction like that, you know. Though I guess it wasn't completely spelled out."

"I'm a changeling queen." I met her eyes. "We are a changeling queen. Chrysalis's real daughter. Mother didn't adopt us, she stole us. Our bracelet?" I pointed at her foreleg. "That's really our crown. It probably hurt Mother when she used it because... I dunno, she's not its real owner, or something. But it doesn't hurt us because it's ours. Coda... She's a different queen. One they recreated the conditions for making, somehow, to raise her as a weapon to clean up their past mistake. That's why she looks and acts much younger than us: she really is younger. That's... all true, isn't it?"

"So you know," Halcyon whispered, bowing her head and waiting for judgement. "Well?"

I stared at her, momentarily speechless. "You're not... gonna tell me something that makes this worse. That's really all there is."

Halcyon's mouth cracked open.

"You idiot," I whispered, feeling tears start to sting my eyes. "All that running in circles, doubting myself, fighting my fears and trying to use my powers... All of that was for something like this?"

Halcyon tried to make herself small. "You... don't understand. We were the cause of the war. Of the eastern continent's collapse. Chrysalis? Our real mother? She went berserk because we were born. Our mere existence caused the near extinction of our species! It plunged the continent into chaos, and-!"

"How is that our fault!?" I cried, interrupting. "Maybe that's true, but we didn't have any say in it, unless you're telling me that an infant who's too young to even see clearly can consciously direct the course of a war! I don't care about being a changeling queen! If anything, I'm happy I can now put a name to the things I can do, and now have better ways to research our powers than trial and error! But when you were thinking about all this, when you were 'deciding' what to and not to hide, did you ever stop to look at the one pony who was carrying all those same burdens right out in plain sight!?"

I sucked in a ragged breath. "What about Coda? Maybe she turned out to be a fake, but she thought she was exactly what you were afraid of! She always talked like cleaning up that mess was her duty just because of her history, even though it clearly wasn't! But if it was going to be anyone's duty, it should have been ours, because that was our history, not hers! And now she's the one who sucked up all the windigoes in Cold Karma and got frozen solid as a result! If you'd just told me, we could have been the ones to take that fall. Or, me and her could have shared it, and maybe neither... neither of us..."

Throughout my tirade, Halcyon grew more and more despondent, until at last I couldn't bear to push her any further. "I'm sorry," she said, misery plain on her face. "I guess I should have trusted you to be stronger than me after all. You really don't care about the war, or our history, or how all that blood is on our hooves at all, do you? In... in a good way. I guess hiding from my fear just made things worse."

"I don't understand," I whispered, wiping my ghostly eyes. "How do you look so defeated? How did this get to you? How did you find out? Did ponies used to blame you for this, or...?"

"That's... a long story," Halcyon said, grimacing. "But I suppose I don't have any right to keep it from you anymore. It'll... be easier if I restore the memories. If I can still do that, but since I'm repairing instead of taking away, and especially if you want it to happen, I should be able to..."

"Do it," I asked. "Please. I need to know."

Halcyon concentrated... and suddenly, I felt a thick blanket of fog rolling into my thoughts. Or, more like my thoughts were being heaved into the fog, as if my brain was being forced into an area I usually couldn't think about because it wasn't there. The fog seemed to gleam, as if underneath a burning sun, and for a moment, I panicked. Was this a good idea? I had never actually been conscious before while being modified...

And then the fog burned off, and I was in a dream.

My surroundings were vague, and clashed a little, as if I was half-asleep and half-awake, my conscience torn between two different worlds, one where I was hovering as a ghost and one that I was freshly experiencing, as if I was remembering in real time. Part of that vagueness, though, I realized was part of the dream: I was small.

Tiny, even. This was the rare kind of dream that predated my ability to remember normally, and even to see straight. Why did infant foals have to be born with eyes that couldn't focus?

"You sure have changed." A mare interrupted my musings, her voice raspy and... bad. I realized already that I must have seen this dream before, and there was some panic associated with recognizing it. And yet, now that I focused on it, that panic was coming from Halcyon. Her emotions, her experiences with this dream, were bleeding over into me.

"Not that I knew you that well, but... Wow. I can't believe you managed to get out. We'll see what kinds of asylum options we have, assuming you even want anything to do with us and don't just keep heading west."

It was hot in this dream. I felt like that used to be more noteworthy. Now that I had lived in Ironridge for a few weeks, though, anything less than the boil-you-alive heat of the Night District didn't seem that special...

"I'll be honest, Ironridge isn't in a perfect place. But if we're one thing, we're isolated. I'm sure we could get you somewhere where nobody will ask questions. If only Riverfall hadn't been forced to open up. This is exactly the situation we made it for..."

"It is what it is," said another voice, the pony holding me. She was much younger, but the weariness was undeniable. It was Mother. "My legs will hold out long enough. The further off the map, the better."

"Hrrrmmm..." an old, gravelly stallion's voice muttered. "Well, we'll put something together one way or another. Can't just leave you and that kid out in the dark."

"Can I see her?" the mare asked.

My anxiety spiked, and I felt myself awkwardly lifted, held by the barrel and dangling in midair.

"Her hooves..." she whispered. "It's like they're covered in blood."

"Wonder if it's fate," the stallion mused. "After all, to hear you lot tell it, a lot of blood was spilled in her name."

"It's true," the mare added, sounding haunted. "I was there when it started. Chrysalis talked about her. If only..."

"Yes, I know. If only." Mother interrupted with a hard, tired edge to her voice. "If only there was a way for her child to grow up away from all of that. She has her mother's power. I... had to use it to survive."

A rustle of clothing. Both other ponies gasped.

"You meed medical treatment," the mare said. "That's... not a normal injury."

"Yeah," the stallion added. "And not to miss the forest for the trees, but you've got a bit of a belly down there..."

Mother winced, then sighed. "Yes. I'm pregnant. I suppose you could say it was by choice, but not one with other options that involved escaping the east. Either way, if I keep it, I'll need room for one more." She paused. "But Faye is the important one."

Wait, what?

"She's not going to grow up without this power," Mother went on. "But she can still grow up in a way where no one recognizes her for what she is. She can grow up in a way that lets her make her own decision about whether to use those abilities to become a savior or a murderer... or, better yet, nothing noteworthy at all. But that won't happen if she's surrounded by ponies who can only see the ghost of her history, and her potential. The... blood on her hooves, as you put it."

Silence.

"We'll find something," the mare promised. "And quickly, too. I can't imagine you'd say no to a place to retire in anonymity yourself."

"I hope for all our sakes you can," Mother said. "I don't want to regret saving this kid. It's the first purpose I chose for my life, and with the condition it's left me in, it'll probably be the last. No more do-overs. Now, if you're offering any hospitality while you search... I need it."

"Come with me," the stallion encouraged, and I heard heavy hoofsteps leading away. "I've already got an idea, but let's get that leg of yours looked at before you hear it."

The dream cleared away, and I found myself back in the confessional, floating in front of my other self.

"How old do you think I was," she said, "when I first had that dream?"

I shook my head. I didn't know.

"Young enough," Halcyon told me, "that I didn't understand or process or even remember all that was going on. There were ponies, including Mother, and they were afraid of me. I remembered that one line... that my legs looked like they were covered in blood. I had this nightmare again and again... Now that we're older, we have more memories to dream about, but when I was very little, individual dreams were much more common. Or at least they felt that way. This was before I learned what death was, before I understood the difference between being adopted and living with your birth parents. Mother hadn't yet given me our bracelet. All I knew was I had this recurring, horrible nightmare, and it involved my... red legs."

I looked down at her missing boot. Red. Like blood.

"I don't know what memories of mine you have, of being little," she went on. "I... blurred that part a bit. But, when I was very young, I hadn't yet realized that my dreams involved reliving things that had happened to me before. I thought they were real, and happening to me in the present. Which wasn't great for my ability to understand time as a linear structure..." She rubbed her forehead. "I thought, every time I went to sleep, there was a chance I'd... have that happen to me again. Have ponies talking about me like..." She swallowed.

"I think I get it," I gently said.

"There were other dreams, too," she went on. "Others that I expunged for you. None were as important as that one. Several meetings she brought me to, when I was too young to be expected to remember, where they talked about how Icereach was set up. And I once dreamed about Mother... in labor with Ansel. She was alone for much of it, and mostly she talked herself through the pains. I can't blame a mare now for things they might say in a situation like that, but when I was younger... I didn't understand." She hung her head. "Icereach was created for us, though. The Institute. You know that?"

I wasn't even sure anymore. But I wouldn't have been surprised.

"Yakyakistan wanted a place to hide their finished rocket program, and maybe some other things," Halcyon said. "Ironridge wanted a place to hide some other things... and us. We were the big secret. That rule Elise tried to use to keep us from taking Leif's job offer? The obscure one we later found out only applied to our family? One guess why that rule was actually made."

"To keep us safe, in Icereach," I said, turning toward the door. "I guess... a lot of folks in Ironridge must know, then. About what we really are. This is the context I've always been missing. This is why so many factions were competing to recruit me."

Halcyon shrugged. "It's a safe assumption. I don't know for sure on a case by case basis, but the kind of creatures who come to power in a city like this? I can't imagine them not being the ones who would know about a thing like this."

"I'm sorry," I said, turning back to her. "I guess I can see why you were so afraid after all. It's like... the whole world knows, and is against us because of it. Everyone either is scared of us and wants to control us to protect themselves, or else sees us as a tool, and wants to control us for profit."

Halcyon nodded.

"Maybe I'm only taking this as well as I am because I've got bigger things to worry about," I said. "I guess there were a hundred different times over the last week when learning this in the wrong way really could have messed me up, weren't there? But, still..." I met her gaze. "I know now. And I can live my life like this. I'm going to have to learn more. Ignoring who we are isn't an option. But now that I know why we're such a magnet, I..." My voice choked up. "I just wish this had been in time to help Coda."

"If you're that set on it, you could probably still do something," Halcyon pointed out. "Siphon off some of the windigo power from her, or something. I just don't know that it would work out how you want it to. And I don't know much about our powers, either."

I took a breath. "Anyway. In that dream, Mother called me Faye."

Halcyon nodded again. "Our best friend from foalhood. She died, a long time ago. But what do you think really happened to her?"

I frowned.

"Mother... wasn't sure what it would be like, at first, for us to have friends," she said. "She was worried about the effects social interaction might have on us. On our powers. She understood so little about what we can do, but knew that Chrysalis fed on the emotions of others... So, the way she decided to test the waters was allowing us to become friends with one specific other filly. At first, we weren't the only refugees in Icereach, you see. There were a few others - mostly from Varsidel, since the east all got turned into changelings - that Ironridge sent along to make us stick out less. One of them had a kid about our age with some pretty severe birth defects."

She shook her head. "A little batpony like us. Couldn't use her legs. Couldn't use her wings. Had to roll around everywhere in a wheelchair. Always wore these leg bracers so she wouldn't flop around... Her name was Halcyon. And, you can probably guess what happened from there."

My mouth hung just a little open.

"She died," Halcyon went on. "Of... natural causes. And we... well, I, back then, didn't know how to cope with that. I missed her. And so I tried to bring her back, by... becoming her. I did my best at adopting her mannerisms. And I did a little too good at adopting her body. That was the first time I ever manifested our powers. And Mother... She couldn't figure out how to make me stop."

My body felt hollow. Which was a little obvious, since I was presently a ghost, but hollower than that.

"You've seen Procyon," Halcyon said. "Believe it or not, that's our true form. The way we used to look. To this day, I can't figure out how to shift back. Believe me, I've tried. I just know, from seeing myself in dreams. Her hooves, though? They're not nearly this red. And, I'm pretty sure that before I switched, my wings used to work. We weren't always flightless."

"You..." I stretched a hoof out, but didn't know what to say.

"I think the way we look, on some deep, deep level, is related to how we see ourselves on the inside," she went on. "This isn't like awakened changelings like Leitmotif, where they can shift at will. Our shapeshifting is tied to our identity on a much deeper level. And for all my shenanigans with masks and trying to mold myself, I still can't do more than a little this and that to make our disguise kit use seem more believable." She sighed a self-defeating sigh. "But... I guess that's a problem for you to inherit, now. So. What are you doing to do?"

I thought for a long moment... and then I got an idea.

"For starters," I said, "what if I start calling you Faye?"

"What?" She blinked.

I shrugged. "It was your original name. I've always been Halcyon, but you became Halcyon to... cover up your loss, but probably also to stop being the Faye in the dream. Besides, Procyon's got her own name. You deserve one too. And it might as well be something you've been running from for a long time, if we're really going to face our past together."

A tear appeared in the corner of her eye. "You're too good for this world. I didn't make you gritty enough. It's going to chew you up and spit you back out."

"Already has," I told her. "Many times. A bit too late to stop it. So, partners?"

I reached a hoof out.

"...Partners." She gave it a ghostly bump. "Halcyon."

"Faye."

For a moment, she looked thoughtful. "...That's going to take some getting used to. Now, do you want your body back? You've been gone for a week, to hear Howe tell it."

"Yeah." I nodded. "I've got a lot to catch up on."

Comments

[MaxAdams]

very interesting...

[Boopers]

All those small things being hinted at everywhere finally came together in a wholesome way.
I just love this story.
And especially this chapter.
Well done!

[KMCA]

I think this is the chapter that makes me want to reread the whole fic... I might finish rereading TOW first.

[Thunder twister]

love this chapter, so many good parts

[-newt-]

Absolutely stunning. Can't wait to see what happens next!

[PropsValroa]

Absolutely stunning. I love this so much. Well done! Clears up a lot of questions!

[RoboRed]

...bruh...

[sploopy slooder]