The Immortal Dream

by Czar_Yoshi

Madness

"...Would someone remind me what we're doing here, again?" Ansel asked, standing beside me in the janitor's office.

"Getting hired!" Jamjars nudged us all forward with her telekinesis. "Best hooves forward, and remember that you're evaluating positions just as much as the positions are evaluating you. Don't want to sign on with a place that's a poor match."

"I'm still wrapping my mind around someone building an office like this," Corsica muttered. While the cubicle's interior didn't seem too unusual save for a giant pile of cheese in one corner and a bonsai that appeared to be made of cotton candy, it was hard to forget that it was built on top of a life-sized mountain of industrial garbage.

"I know," Egdelwonk complained, reclining at his desk. "I told them something like this would be far too mundane, but they just kept whining about structural integrity and stuff. Pah. Life forms these days have no imagination..."

"What are you?" I asked, far less concerned about why we were here than who we we talking to. Aside from his impressive facial hair and unusual grooming, Egdelwonk looked like a batpony and a pegasus had been sliced in half head-on and then fused back together, like a real-life chimera.

"I'm the lord of leftovers, the guru of garbage, Cold Karma's one and only trash tyrant and Minister of Janitorial Affairs," Egdelwonk drawled, spinning in his chair. "Further honorifics include the oligarch of obsolescence, dictator of detritus, commissar of compost, sultan of sludge, and the royally ruling regent of rubbish and refuse, though personally I'm partial to despotic dumpster deacon. If you've got any good ones I missed, I'm all ears..."

My brain fuzzed. "Uh, no, I don't..."

Ansel gave Jamjars a flat look. "If this is serious, oughtn't you have made at least half an effort to prepare us?"

"Grin and bear it," Jamjars told him with a straight face. "He got back to me quickly. I was expecting this to take weeks. Fortunately, you don't look like your hearts are set on this one, so think of it as a practice run."

Egdelwonk just chuckled, shooing Jamjars aside with a wave of a wing. "Oh, Ansel... That is what you call yourself these days, right? The Ministry of Janitorial Affairs is where preparedness goes to die. It's all part of the interview process. Only those who are at home with chaos thrive here."

Ansel bristled and took a step back. "Oi! Quit talking like you know me!"

Egdelwonk shrugged and gave a fake-apologetic smile. "Well, strictly speaking, I've never met you in person. But face to face interaction is overrated. I thought imaginary friendships with celebrities who can't see or hear you back were all the rage with youth these days!"

I tilted my head. "An imaginary friendship? How's that?"

Egdelwonk peered at me over the tops of his shades, which I was fairly certain I hadn't seen him put on. "Not a thing where you're from?"

I wasn't sure how to respond, but Corsica was. "You calling us celebrities?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well if you were completely boring, you wouldn't be here right now," Egdelwonk said with an overdone shrug. "Besides, janitors go a lot of places and hear a lot of things."

"And just what's so interesting about us, then?" Ansel asked with a swagger.

Egdelwonk waggled his eyebrows at Jamjars. "She threw you my way because she knows playing nice with all the pithy aristocrats and mad scientists on the board of directors isn't really my style, and she'd rather you be my playthings than theirs. And whatever you've done or inevitably will do to attract the attention of all those suited buffoons certainly sounds promising enough to see what you're made of myself."

"Playthings, eh?" I challenged, arching an eyebrow. "Thanks, but I'm not really looking to make a career out of being someone's plaything."

Egdelwonk chuckled. "I'd certainly hope someone with your potential wouldn't constrain themselves to a single line of possibility, Halcyon. Why, with all the things you could go on to be from here, you're practically a blank slate!"

I felt like my heart stopped. This random stranger... He knew about...?

"And you..." He tuned to Corsica and raised a massive eyebrow. "You know that naughty little thing you've been doing isn't sustainable, right? The one that makes you all bleeeagh and stuff?"

I was just aware enough to register that Corsica looked just as aghast as I was.

"Sorry not sorry," Egdelwonk said, going back to reclining. "I picked on Halcyon, so fair's fair for you, too. Back to the interview, anyone?"

"S-Screw this," Corsica stammered, shaken. "I want to work as far away from here as possible."

Egdelwonk bowed. "Your wish is my command."

Corsica bolted.

I spun around, shaken back to my senses. "What...?"

"I don't know who you are or why you act the way you do, or what you even said to set those two off." Ansel pointed an accusatory hoof at Egdelwonk. "But the last time someone tried to con me into a bogus employment, at least they had the nerve to put on a nice face first. I'm leaving."

Egdelwonk's face drooped, and he pointed at the pile of cheese in the corner I was kind of ignoring because I couldn't find a sane reason for it to be there. "Care for a snack on the way out?"

Ansel stopped and blinked. "What? Hardly. How long has that even been there?"

Egdelwonk sighed, then waved him away. "Oh, fine. Maybe someone else will get the joke, cheese pone. Away with you!"

Ansel made good on his threat, and Egdelwonk did nothing to stop him. I glanced at Jamjars. Jamjars glanced at me.

"Does he, err..." I glanced back at Egdelwonk, who was smiling beatifically. "Does he have dirt on you? And did he use it to get you to drag us in here?"

Jamjars shrugged. "Kiddo, it's Cold Karma. Everyone has dirt on everyone here. Fortunately, Wonk's on better terms with me than most, so we humor each other and the stakes stay low. If you're worried about getting locked into a job you don't want, nothing'll happen if you just say no."

"Go check on Corsica," I encouraged, wanting a moment alone with this pony who somehow knew things about me I had never uttered before to a single soul. Well, unless my under-mask self counted as a different person.

Jamjars frowned, then nodded and stepped away.

"Bold," Egdelwonk said once she was gone. "But you already know you are. Ask anything you want, my little pony."

"You know things about us," I said. "About who we are."

Egdelwonk's face drooped, and he wiped a tear from his eye with a wingtip. "Such is the price I had to pay for being this crazy. But that's not a question."

"You..." I hesitated. "You know things about me even I don't know?"

"Now what would give you an idea like that?" Instantly, Egdelwonk wore a businesslike frown. "Honestly, Hallie, I'm just trying to pad out my Junior Dumpster Despot Corps here. The benefits may be stingy, but they're exactly what you need to go sticking your nose in every place it doesn't belong. And that's what you want, isn't it? Everyone else ran away when they saw I know things I'm not supposed to know, but you got curious."

"Yeah," I told him pointedly. "I am curious. I want some answers. But odds are you already know that and are trying to snare me into a job I won't refuse. Just like last time. You're a schemer."

"Actually, I'm just demented," Egdelwonk replied soberly. "But I did warn you this interview is mostly a test of how well you put up with chaos. Both of your friends have already flunked, I'm afraid, but you're still here, so points to you for that. Just try to take it seriously and stay on topic until the very end. I pinkie promise it's a legitimate test and I don't just want to laugh internally at you keeping a straight face while I'm screwing around."

I tilted my head. "Pinkie promise? What's... You know what, never mind. You haven't even told me what I'd do on this job besides sweeping up trash. Are you actually trying to hire me, or just having a laugh?"

"Deciding whether to hire you," Egdelwonk said pointedly. "Although I will admit to getting quite a kick out of the looks on all of your faces."

"And you're deciding that how?" I pressed. "You haven't asked me anything about my abilities or how I'd react to various demands of your job. At this point, I'm only here because-"

"Because of stubbornness and morbid curiosity, I know," Egdelwonk said with a dismissive wave. "It's quite endearing, if a trait that's bound to get you in no end of trouble. Ever wanted to be the trouble that someone else gets in for a change?"

I blinked, processing that. "Err, no, I haven't."

Egdelwonk stared at my forehead, rubbing his goatee in thought. "Hmm... I'd say you're far too afraid of your own curiosity to make good on your potential, Halcyon. You have the mark of great things to come, but we'll have to get you over this first..."

I took a step back. "...Why are you talking like I'm already hired?"

Egdelwonk chuckled. "Because a sane soul would have fled in terror long ago. Even your friends did, and their sanity is almost as questionable as my own!"

"But you've been gloating about how well you know me this whole time," I pointed out. "If you're so omniscient, wouldn't you expect I'd react this way to all the things you've said?"

Egdelwonk snorted. "If there's one thing I hate, it's things that are predictable. Plans are for ruining, Halcyon, not for making. The only reason I'd ever speculate about the future is to daydream about all the wonderful trillions of ways it might go. Although, speaking of the future, I think I've decided to let you take the real interview for Lord Egdelwonk's Junior Dumpster Despot Corps. I'll see you again if you ever pass. Now get on with your bad self."

He waved a wing at me. I just stood and blinked. "Real interview? So this was all a joke?"

Egdelwonk momentarily unfocused, then blinked at me. "Still here? Oh, did you want some cheese too?"

My attention was once again sniped by the room's bizarre decor. "Err, that wasn't why..."

"Oh?" Egdelwonk looked mock offended. "Nothing in that pile royal enough for your tastes, eh? Picky pony. Now shoo!"

I wandered out of the cubicle in a daze, stopping before the hanging catwalks. What had I just been through? Wasn't the whole point of coming to Ironridge to get a taste of a life that was normal, for a change? There was no possible way every average citizen had to go through something like this just to-

Suddenly, there was a sharp snapping sound from behind me, tinged with magic. The world fuzzed around me and swirled, and details became snowy as my dream skipped through the unimportant parts.

Wait a minute. Dream?

I wasn't the world's most lucid sleeper, but I still knew how to force myself awake when I needed to. Concentrating, I opened my eyes.

---

An alarm clock on my bedstand read four thirty in the afternoon. I was snugly tucked in, with a brand-new quilt in a bed that had been well-made just the night before. Across from me, Corsica had a similar setup.

Right. We... had been in Ironridge for about a week, now. The first few days had been a blur of shopping. On our first outing, Kitty got arrested and Corsica fainted going to pick her up. The next few times had been smoother. We had gone to an opera, eaten at restaurants... Nothing fast-paced. Jamjars was helping us prepare resumes for looking for jobs, and on the first day had reached out to some colleagues to get some leads on what might be open. But we hadn't applied to anywhere yet, let alone sat for an interview.

Had I just... dream-remembered something that never actually happened?

I held a hoof to my forehead and sat up. That was impossible. My dreams didn't work like that! Normal ponies dreamed hallucinations that were a mishmash of fantasy, hopes, fears and things from their real lives, but without fail I watched through things I had done before, riding along in my old self's body like a passenger on a train. Sometimes I watched through memories that were old enough I had forgotten, or even been young enough that I shouldn't have had a functioning memory at all. But this... It couldn't be. What was happening to me?

Quietly, I shadow snuck, getting out of the room without waking Corsica. Fortunately, I had socks for sleeping now, and my coat could wait - it wasn't like Jamjars and the others hadn't seen my special talent after a full week of living together.

Was anyone around? I needed someone to talk to, a sanity check, to ensure I hadn't just suffered a complete break from reality. But the living room was empty, Ansel's door was shut, and sounds of a shower and Jamjars singing echoed out from the bathroom, telling me she would likely be a while.

A quiet beat was thumping from the basement. I hadn't actually braved Kitty's lair again since the cake fiasco, but maybe it was time to face my fears.

"Hello?" I softly called, padding down the stairs.

The basement's denizen wasn't dancing on her machine this time, but rather sprawled on her back on her bed with a giant pair of headphones, the shadow of the empty cake trolley sitting parked against a far wall. Eating forty cakes in a week... Hopefully she wouldn't give herself a blood sugar coma.

Kitty didn't hear me, but she saw me and waved.

I took that as an invitation to proceed. "Hey, uh... You got a moment?"

"Hiya!" Kitty greeted, taking off her headphones. The music grew noticeably louder, and I realized they were actually the source of the thumping I had heard from upstairs... That kid's poor eardrums.

"Kitty gots a guest!" Kitty said, lounging on her bed with a polite blep, still wearing her signature hoodie.

"Uh, yeah," I said, unsure of how to say what I wanted to say. "Listen, I... I've been here for about a week, right?"

"Yup!"

"And I haven't gone to any job interviews?"

Kitty frowned in confusion, her tongue still poking out. "Don't think so. Why's that?"

"I just..." For some reason, it was hard to spit it out. Probably because I hadn't told anyone about my memory-dreams, so Kitty would most likely see nothing wrong with me dreaming about the Cold Karma janitor being questionably omniscient, insane, even more interested in hiring me than Aldebaran, all despite being someone I had never actually met.

I swallowed. "Cold Karma's official janitor. He's called Egdelwonk. Am I insane, or is that all true?"

Kitty shrugged, her cheerful demeanor returning. "Well, Jamjars calls him Wonky, but yup! He's weird. Why?"

"Have I ever met him?" I questioned.

"Don't know!"

"The day you got those cakes." I pointed at the cake cart. "We came back here, set up some beds, and then Jamjars ordered pizza. What happened after that?"

Kitty grinned wide. "Kitty ate cakes until her tummy hurt! Then she slept and danced and ate more cakes! Then... umm..." She frowned in concentration. "She ate more cakes?"

Right. Kitty hadn't been anywhere in my dream. She would have been here, reveling in her spoils...

"Egdelwonk, though," I pressed. "You ever hear anything weird about him? Any rumors?"

"Everyone knows he's weird," Kitty said, shrugging. "Calls himself all sorts'a names. Some even say he's got spooky magic. But, he never does it when anyone's watching, so no one knows for sure. But... But whenever something weird happens, ponies always blame him. They call him a potter... potler-geist!"

I frowned in contemplation. "Weird magic? Any chance he can do things with memories? Make you remember things that never happened, or forget things that did?"

"Why?" Kitty smiled at me. "Need someone to blame when you forget your money for the train? Kitty does that all the time!"

"Uhh... Yeah, that." I blinked. "Hey, he's not hiring for any positions, is he?"

Kitty poked out her tongue. "Wanna be a janitor? Jamjars would never say yes. She hates it when Kitty searches the garbage. But Kitty knows where Eggywonk's office is..."

"You do, huh?" I wondered if my 'memory' contained accurate directions for getting there.

Kitty gave me a look of childish conspiracy. "Wanna go say hi?"

Actually, what I wanted was to ask someone who had been in that memory where we were immediately after getting pizza on the day Kitty got arrested. But in lieu of that, retracing my steps wasn't the most terrible plan.

...Wasn't the most terrible for finding out what was going on, at least. It was a pretty bad idea if I cared about keeping myself out of trouble. That said, until I knew why my dreams were suddenly not matching up with reality, I was in trouble whether I liked it or not. Dreaming about someone who seemed to know intimately the laws governing how I worked, when the dream itself broke those laws... Something was going on here, and I had to get to the bottom of it.

"You stay here," I told her, trusting myself to take care of myself but maybe not any innocent, dim-witted foals. "But yeah, I'm going to pay him a visit."

Instantly, Kitty was blocking my path, a serious pout on her face. "No," she said, tongue poking out, "not fair. Kitty told you how to annoy Jamjars. You have to take her too!"

I gave her a wry, apologetic smile. "I'm going to be wandering a mountain-sized building even I barely know my way around. There's no way I can look out for you too, kid."

Kitty happily winked. "That's okay! Kitty can look out for you!"

"You sure about that...?"

"Yup!" Kitty pranced in a circle. "If anything bad happens, Kitty just tips over a vase or breaks a window, then gets arrested for vanalissum! Then silly Jamjars finds out and comes to pick her up. Bad guys can't do anything while the police are around."

I narrowed my eyes. "Listen, I know it seems that way when you're young, but the authorities can't see literally everywhere-"

"Oh, they can." Kitty nod-nod-nodded at me, moving like a pendulum between happy and serious. "That's why those twins are in charge! The creepy ones who keep repeating each other. They say they can see everything that happens in Ironridge!"

Wait, seeing everything that happens in Ironridge? They worked for Cold Karma, Egdelwonk worked for Cold Karma, the things Egdelwonk knew in my dream...

"That's why everyone knows you get fewer presents on your birthday if you've been naughty than if you've been nice!" Kitty triumphantly stuck out her tongue.

Oh. Or, maybe it was just something they taught foals around here to make them behave.

"So, you coming?" Kitty was already on the stairs. "Kitty knows all the best shortcuts! Follow her, and you'll never get lost!"

"Hey, you're not supposed to..." I let my objections drop with a sigh. This was a young mare whose mother was perfectly fine allowing her to waltz through a shopping district and lick display cakes, after all. Odds were, Jamjars would be proud of her, or think she was cute. And I knew Icereach inside and out. For all I knew, maybe this was Kitty's home turf just like that had been mine.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." I shook my head, following after her. "Just give me a moment to get dressed..."

---

I spent the entire train ride through the Ice District second-guessing myself. Not for deciding to go track down Egdelwonk - I was already in whatever this was deep, so the best thing I could do was get myself some knowledge that might even the playing field. Not even for bringing Kitty, who was lounging on the seat opposite from me with her hoodie brandished proudly and her tongue poking out in a thoughtful blep.

No, I was mostly worrying if I should have asked someone who had actually been there what they remembered. Or, barring that, at least told someone where I was going.

But changing my mind now would mean backtracking, and as Kitty guided me to get off at a familiar station, I knew we were almost there.

After a few minutes of walking, however, things suddenly looked... not so familiar. We went through a door I was pretty sure should have lead into the cavern with its garbage mountain where Egdelwonk built his lair, but instead of a wide-open space, I found myself standing in a completely ordinary office corridor that could have been taken straight out of Icereach, if you substituted my home's concrete walls for plaster trim.

It could have, at least, if it wasn't upside-down.

I took three steps, avoiding a light fixture on the floor and staring up at the carpeted ceiling. "What the...?"

Kitty shrugged. "It's Eggywonk's style. He always says you don't need to sweep the floors if no one can walk on them!"

"It's always been like this?" I rounded on her. "For how long?"

Kitty cheerfully stuck out her tongue and gave me a don't-know-don't-care look.

"Okay..." I trotted up to one of the office windows that lined the corridor. Inside, the office was upside-down too. Chair on the ceiling, desk on the ceiling, potted plant on the ceiling, filing cabinets on the ceiling... No one seemed to be using it, but it looked more like the occupant had gone home for the day than that the space was vacant.

"So where is he?" I turned back to my guide.

Kitty bounced on her hooves. "This way, lady! C'mon!"

---

Kitty led me through the upside-down office corridors for what had to be at least half an hour. Several times, we changed floors via staircases, which had the actual stairs on the ceiling and forced us to walk up steep slopes intended to be roofs instead. None of the stairs were ever in stairwells, and the frequency with which we went up and down made me wonder if we were lost, or just navigating a horribly complex maze.

"You do know where we're going, right?"

"Yup!"

Eventually, she was proven right, as we drew up outside a door with an exorbitantly fancy gold-trimmed frame and a microscopic plaque that read 'Department of Detritus'. Also upside-down, of course.

Kitty knocked. The door immediately fell off its hinges and caved inward, landing with a clatter and a bang. At least this time it seemed to respect the proper direction of gravity.

"Yes, one moment, I'm just getting to the good part!" Egdelwonk's voice called out from within. Kitty ignored him and pranced straight in. I poked my head in after her.

Egdelwonk's office, which was also mercifully right-side-up, had gone from an ordinary cubicle to something resembling a posh media lounge, although a staircase along the side that ran straight into the ceiling and a large, framed picture of an empty picture frame prevented my abused senses from finally relaxing. At least there was no more cheese.

A plush purple couch faced one wall, and a wobbling magical field hung in front of it, showing a vivid, cheerful town where an orange, hatted pony was swatting at a pegasus with an alarmingly multicolored mane.

Egdelwonk poked his bisected face up over the back of the couch. "Who dares intrude without... Oh. It's you."

"Hiya!" Kitty chirped. "Kitty gots a job as a tour guide!"

Egdelwonk clicked together the spokes of his bat wing, and the magic field vanished in a puff of glowing circles and polygons. Then he got up, strode over, and loomed over Kitty like a menacing shadow. She beamed back up at him without a care in the world.

He reached out a wing and lifted her by the scruff of the neck. Then, in the deepest and most impressive baritone I had ever heard, he uttered, "This is my domain."

Kitty licked him on the face.

Immediately, Egdelwonk threw her like a javelin, perfectly nailing the angle to send her soaring over my head and out through the door. "Bleh! Yech! Blat! Bluh! Ptoo!" he sputtered, furiously scrubbing at his face. "...Oh, hello there, Halcyon. Do come in. Just resolving a little territorial dispute... Ugh, gross."

I glanced back over my shoulder. I wasn't sure the hallway had gone on as far as it did in precisely the direction Kitty had been thrown before, but now it definitely did, and she was a long way off. "Kitty's okay!" I heard her distantly call.

So, I stepped inside.

Once I was in, Egdelwonk kicked at the door, and it flopped back up onto its hinges of its own accord. "Well, congratulations," he said, turning to me. "You passed the interview. Base conditions all met, seventy five percent on the extra credit, but don't sweat the missing points because they were probably impossible anyway. Going from the look on your face, you have absolutely no idea what's going on."

I nodded mutely.

"Put shortly, you've just broken a powerful curse," Egdelwonk said, returning to his couch and waving me over. "Let's put it this way: here at the Department of Detritus, we clean up Cold Karma's messes. That includes oops-I-broke-it messes, and also oops-someone-leaked-the-big-bad's-name-to-the-media messes. Of course, ponies being the complex and wonderful creatures that they are, memory magic doesn't always work the same way for everyone. That's why I make a point of aggressively torturing reality on a regular basis! Also because it's fun, but mostly because it helps weed out strange little things like you who have cheater powers and somehow remember the truth."

I couldn't say anything, my mind racing to catch up.

"Now, any despot in their right mind would be scared senseless by the appearance of someone like you," Egdelwonk went on. "But as we established a week ago, I'm anything but. So, how would you like to work for me?"

I took a step back. "I really don't like ultimatums-"

"Sorry." He waved a hoof. "Force of habit. But the fact is, you have talents I'm interested in. Namely, your resistance to anyone fooling about with your mind, but you also have a remarkable tolerance for me messing around, plus a natural inclination to keep secrets. The Department of Detritus could be a perfect fit for you... Or was it the Ministry of Janitorial Affairs last you were here? I change these things so often it's hard to keep track."

I scrambled for something to focus on and latched onto the most concrete things I could. "You literally just threw a kid out the door."

"She was asking for it," Egdelwonk snapped. "Although I'll admit that probably doesn't paint a very good picture of workplace culture around here, does it...?"

I raised an aggressive eyebrow. "You think?"

"Point taken," Egdelwonk sighed. "Halcyon, listen. You look rather overwhelmed by all this, so let's set the fun aside for a minute and talk business. How would you like to learn to keep your head and think levelly even when someone's doing their utmost to overwhelm you?"

"Sounds nice," I admitted. "But are you sure you're not doing the opposite?"

Egdelwonk shrugged. "How would you like to learn to resist any sneaky magical somebodies tampering with that head of yours?"

"Yeah, but who's gonna do that?" I countered. "Aside from you?"

"Who knows?" Egdelwonk said. "Odds are, they might be ponies I've scouted out already, who decided this path wasn't for them. Although I suppose that would mean I would know... Say, how would you like to learn who all might have it out for you?"

"If you've got a list, I'd appreciate it," I demanded.

Egdelwonk, surprisingly, offered me a slip of paper. I took it and read it.

Since I wrote this down, someone with an ability to know things they shouldn't might be able to read it too. How would you like to learn to keep secrets from anyone?

I looked up and swallowed. "And why would I want to do a thing like that?"

"You're plenty paranoid, Halcyon," Egdelwonk told me. "If you asked why you would need to do a thing like that, I'm afraid I'd have no answers for you, but if you can't think of a reason to want it, then you're just not being honest with yourself."

A fair point...

"And you're saying your job would teach me all this?" I asked him. "Why? It's a job, not a school."

"Is it?" Egdelwonk raised an eyebrow. "You're a teenager, lest we forget. One with no professional experience and no reason to be trusted with the dirtiest dirt Cold Karma has to offer. Not exactly that anyone could do anything about it if I decided otherwise, given the nature of the job, but still! A posting in my division would constitute nothing but training for quite a few years."

"And what do you gain from this?" I pressed. "Why spend that much effort on me? What would teaching me things like that even do to help you?"

Egdelwonk chuckled. "Because I'm eccentric and you look like fun. Someone with the ability to shrug off a little tampering with reality ought to have other interesting abilities too, right? But the real reason is that I'm a Cold Karma executive and Cold Karma executives have free license to do whatever they want."

I frowned, not very reassured.

"...Haven't met many of the others yet?" Egdelwonk guessed. "I know you ran into Lilith on your first night here, and may have bumped into Samael and Estael during an arrest shortly after. Let me tell you something, Halcyon: Cold Karma is a madhouse. It stopped being a legitimate institution years ago and is now a front for a bunch of clods with agendas of their own. Work directly for me, and you'll have some insanity to deal with, but you won't be poachable by any of the others. And someone with your talents, they will be interested in."

My ears pressed tighter against my head.

"Shall we check in on some of them right now?" Egdelwonk clicked his wing spokes, and the magic screen reformed, showing an indistinct fuzz. "Do a little spying? See for yourself what your alternatives might be?"

"No!" I swatted at the screen, dissipating it again. "You were sounding a little more reasonable for a bit, but trying to scare me into a job is a bad idea. What about the alternative of getting, like, a normal job? At a restaurant or library or something? I'm not destined to work for the Cold Karma top brass."

Egdelwonk frowned. "Ugh. Why do ponies have to be so complicated?"

"You know you're a pony too, right?" I pointed out. "...Right?"

Egdelwonk blinked. "Oh, err, ahem, yes, of course. A pretty pretty pony, that's me. Halcyon, listen. This obviously isn't going anywhere quickly, so how about I give you some free swag and you go think it over?" He produced a big bag with his face printed on the front and passed it to me. "I'll always be here if you change your mind or get any nagging questions that won't leave you alone, like 'How does that Egdelwonk guy know so much about me?' And in the meantime, if anyone far ruder and more pushy than me tries to pressure you into signing a contract, just tell them you're on Team Egdelwonk and if they don't back off, I'll have been here first. Otherwise, consider us happily unaffiliated!"

I accepted the loot bag tentatively. "How do you know so much about me, anyway?"

"And therein lies the rub." Egdelwonk grinned a too-big grin. "If you can figure that out without tipping me off that you're trying to figure it out, I'll let you know. And as a cherry on top, we can even say I have nothing more to teach you. Good luck with your other employment prospects, and remember, only Cold Karma has laws against moonlighting. In the big city, anything goes!"

Before I was quite aware that I had moved my hooves, I found myself back at the entrance to Egdelwonk's upside-down office maze. Kitty was nearby, licking a drinking fountain. Several mares and stallions in hot-weather business attire were giving her a wide berth.

"Hiya, lady!" she chirped when she noticed me, bouncing over. "Have fun with Eggywonk?"

"My head hurts," I said, looking for a place to sit down. "You know any places around here that are... like... private?"

Kitty nodded seriously and motioned for me to follow.

A moment later, we were in what looked like a boiler room, which was bizarre considering Ironridge was supposed to have a problem with being too hot. Hunkered down behind a large, cylindrical machine, I let my ears fill with the pleasing thrum of mechanical action and tried to pretend that I was alone.

Kitty gave me a worried blep.

"I'm fine." I waved her off. "I just... gotta be alone with my thoughts for a second."

She obliged, and soon I was properly alone. For the first time in a month, at that - sharing a bedroom with Corsica, sleeping in the open on the flight here, I hadn't realized the toll having no personal space was taking on me. Egdelwonk faded to the back of my mind more quickly than usual, like a bad dinner I wanted to forget. It was just me and the machines, exactly as it should be. I was at peace.

---

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, soaking in the solitude, but eventually my pragmatic half decided I should do something. So, I opened the loot bag Egdelwonk had given me.

A lampshade, with his face printed on it. What? I set that aside. A short-sleeve shirt, also with his face on it. Why? I dug a little further, and pulled out something small and laminated.

A Cold Karma employee's pass for the trains. Really?

Hopefully by accepting this bag, I hadn't accidentally signed any contracts. But if this was a no-strings-attached gesture of goodwill, that was quite thrilling. Maybe I would go explore the city on my own and see what employment prospects I could rustle up without the help of a bunch of powerful strangers trying to talk me into shady jobs. This was a keeper.

Speaking of contracts, the bag turned out to have one too. Written in crayon, it had yet another drawing of Egdelwonk's face, flanked by two trash cans in a kind of foalish emblem. 'Employment contract valid if and only if Halcyon wants it to be. First come first serve, losers!' was written below.

Okay. So I wasn't being conscripted. That was a relief. It was, actually, a way out if someone else tried to hire me by force, just like Egdelwonk had said.

...Now I was worried that really was the way things were done in Ironridge.

I sifted through the rest of the loot, including a package of inflatable balloons, a hunk of cheese and a bracelet that looked worryingly like an inert replica of my own. It was more cheaply made, though, and clearly not magical, so I wasn't sure what to make of it other than a passive-aggressive reminder that he knew things about me. Maybe having a fake spare would come in handy, though? I decided it was a keeper.

Whatever. I stretched and got up, wondering if Kitty was still nearby. I wasn't quite ready to socialize again, but maybe I could find her and ask her to go let Jamjars know where I was while I went to explore the city. Because I badly needed some agency back, and taking a walk on my own felt like a perfect way to get it.

Comments

[Sharp Quill]

Egdelwonk doesn’t look like a draconequus…

[Boopers]

Madness? This is a traps!

[PropsValroa]

Edgelwonk strikes me as the type of guy who genuinely cares for Halycon in his own way. If he can manipulate reality, he can also see within it and see what others don't understand. He knows what role Halycon has played and will play, however there are limitations to his power. I have a feeling he exerted his influence into her mind and altered her perception of things. Perception is reality, is it not?

Taking that, Halycon can do that 'mask' thing, and change her perception of reality, from the way that I understand it - she offsets her point of view from a 1st person to a 3rd person point of view.

Edgelwonk might help her understand that.

[RoboRed]

Kitty's got some serious Pinkie/Izzy-level energy while being her own brand of mad.

I like her.

[Venlinelle]

Jesus. Things just took a step up.

Given that most of this story is OCs, it’s unnerving how vividly I can hear Discord’s voice in my head as I read. Or perhaps he’s just putting it there.

Seriously though, “Halcyon gets hired by Discord (who makes Pinkie promises and is watching the Mane 6 on TV)” was so far off my bingo card that it’s over in a different game.

I’m fascinated to see how he’ll impact the story. Yes, we’ve had powerful beings in the cast before- Garsheeva and various windigoes, most notably- but Discord is a step above that. The show is carefully crafted so he can solve almost any problem, but believably doesn’t want to- I wonder what he’ll do here.

Phenomenal job with his dialogue, too. I wouldn’t be able to hear him that clearly if you weren’t capturing the spitting image of his brand of chaos.

[sploopy slooder]

kitty licking people will never stop being funny.