The Immortal Dream

by Czar_Yoshi

An Old, Dear Friend

The Immortal Dream arrived in Ponyville, hovering over Twilight's lawn, ponies down in the streets gaping up at its sparkling, midnight blue harmony comet.

Too little time had passed for Corsica to explore the ship. Ponyville and the Everfree canyon were right next to each other as far as airships were concerned, and leaving the deck would have meant stepping out of sight of the comet. That thing... Corsica stared at it, ignoring the vistas and the wind.

She wanted to touch it. Something about it whispered to her of a pony she hadn't been in years.

"Right," Starlight called over the comet's shimmer, and Corsica tore her eyes away, realizing everyone else had gathered on the deck as well. "If you're all serious about this, then we're leaving before I can have a change of heart."

"We'll load provisions in Canterlot," Twilight explained. "They'll have better infrastructure for this sort of thing, and we should be able to requisition everything we need from the Princesses. Since we haven't even told the others about this, we should do this while they're getting ready and deciding who wants to come. I'll be needed for that, so Rainbow, can you go round everyone up and let them know? Once the ship is loaded, we'll be back for you and anyone who's coming."

Rainbow threw a sharp salute. "You got it. Anyone else wanna come with?"

She mostly looked at Faye and Corsica. Corsica gave the comet one last glance... but odds were, she'd have plenty of time to look at it later while they flew. And there was something she needed to finish here in Ponyville first, especially if Halcyon was back, but still out of sorts.

"Yeah, I'll come with." She nodded, stepping up. "So do I jump, or...?"

---

Faye blinked as Rainbow Dash, with no hesitation, grabbed Corsica and backflipped off the edge. Corsica yelped indignantly.

She was glad that wasn't her.

"That's basically the same thing I did to Coda, the time I took her out to see Ironridge," Halcyon pointed out, floating beside her. "Though, since she was the flier, I guess our roles were reversed..."

A moment later, Rainbow hovered back up over the railing. "Anyone else?"

Faye shook her head. "Canterlot is the capital, right? I'd like to see it, if that's okay. As long as we'll have time to grab my satchel when we're back to pick you up?"

"Oh, definitely," Twilight promised. "I've got a few things to grab from my castle as well before we go."

"Perhaps I might accompany you," Seigetsu suggested, volunteering herself as well. She glanced back at Faye. "I assume you need no further motivation to remain on this mission, but it would be imprudent to split you from Nanzanaya overmuch. I will see to her participation."

Rainbow looked skeptical, mostly at Seigetsu's size. "Uhh, I'm not sure I can fly-"

Twilight had other concerns. "You're bringing-?"

Seigetsu cut both of them off by jumping, unassisted, over the railing. Faye looked down after her to see that she was fine... and hadn't even squished Corsica with her fall.

Confident that there were no more takers, Rainbow Dash soared away for real, and Starlight walked back onto the bridge, turning the ship once again towards the horizon.

---

Canterlot was within sight of Ponyville, seeing as it was built into the side of a mountain. A train track connected them, and Faye could even see an engine chugging along, making real progress that didn't seem distorted by magic. The magic of the rails, she supposed, didn't do anything to journeys that were short enough to make through conventional means.

Still, it was far enough away for the trip not to be instant. And that left Faye standing at the rail, staring at the passing hills, with plenty of time to think.

"Haven't been this high up since flying on the Verdandi," Halcyon said, drifting beside her. "I wonder if Coda's going to be mad at us for losing her ship. It's not like we can tow it back across the mountains."

"That's the second time just now that you've mentioned her," Faye murmured. "She on your mind?"

"Yeah." Halcyon nodded. "Just... trying to get my priorities in order, now that it sounds like we've gotten the harmonic flame thing into the hooves of someone more capable than us. And you know we've gotta help her."

Faye nodded, half-committal. "What is she to you?"

"I dunno," Halcyon said. "Can't say for sure when I've never felt anything else like it. But I've been thinking, across the memories you left for me and everything I did in Icereach and then Ironridge after that. And what I've decided is that the day we took Coda down to see Ironridge, that was the happiest I've ever felt."

Faye kept her mouth shut.

"It's not like this is a new goal, or anything," Halcyon went on. "I can't forget how I felt when I saw her, in that basement in Cold Karma. But I've got such a bad track record with seeing my plans through to the end, I..."

She swallowed. "I dunno. We've also got a whole war to stop. We're probably already too late. Maybe trying to do that was an unrealistic goal in the first place. Leif sure thought it was. But what about saving one little kid? That has to be... something we can do. I don't know if I should be under any illusions about being able to do more than that. Maybe biting off more than I can chew is how I've gotten into the trouble I've been in. But tell me I shouldn't be able to fight for one single pony."

Faye took a deep breath. "I talked to Procyon while you were asleep," she said, noticing Procyon - as usual - was nowhere to be seen. "She said the reason she's so different from us is because we're different sides of the same person, but she was forcibly removed. So there's some of us in each other, but none of her in us. She said something about how, because of this, we only ever pick goals that we won't ever achieve, so that we never had to risk achieving them. Like she was our ambition, or our will to change the status quo."

Halcyon frowned.

"You've tried pushing our boundaries so many times before," Faye went on. "And you always stumble. My fear always holds you back. I know where it comes from. I know my nightmares, these things that were imprinted on my mind before I was old enough to think about why. And I've been pushing back, trying to be stronger than them too. For both of us."

She closed her eyes. "I have a cohesive answer for how we got to be this way, where our limitations come from. So does Procyon, but her answer is completely different from mine. Neither of our answers have any holes for the other answer to fill in. Can they both be true at the same time? Or is one of us wrong, somehow? I know what I remember. Everything that made me what I am happened long before we met Unnrus-kaeljos. But if I got all my memories from Procyon, the same way your memories were doctored by me..." She looked at Halcyon, giving her a serious stare. "Is this what I put you through? Do you... wonder about this?"

Halcyon looked slightly concerned. "No. That doesn't sound like my experience at all."

Faye tilted her head, surprised.

"Do you not remember?" Halcyon pressed. "I don't think I sprung into existence all at once. Most of the time, I felt like I was changing my own memories, whenever I took off the mask. I always had this vague awareness of what I had changed, in the deepest part of my mind, like a bookmark on the table of contents just so I'd know it was there if I needed to change it again. I felt in control of what I didn't know, like I could change myself to remember again if I ever really needed to. I think I even did that, during the Aldebaran incident." She frowned. "If you aren't aware that stuff is missing, then this is completely different."

Faye's jaw hung slightly slack. Eventually, she swallowed. "I... slept a lot during the years after the avalanche. Sometimes, I'd wake up more, when it felt like I was needed to protect you. I think I remember that, in the bunker, but... That was me. I don't think it was you, when the mask was off. It couldn't have been. Right?"

"I thought it was me, just without putting any acts on," Halcyon admitted. "I didn't even know you were a separate person yet. But my... I dunno, my reasoning behind who I was felt contiguous at the time. Switching was harder, too. I needed to play that song, remember?"

Faye looked at herself. "You think when we used to do that, we were one person? Both of us together at the same time?"

Halcyon mirrored the gesture. "To tell you the truth, I never even knew there were any discontinuities in my life at all, like you going to sleep and leaving me in charge. I just thought the avalanche completely changed my life, so much that I wanted to start changing everything about me."

"What if that is how it happened?" Faye put a wing to her forehead. "You remember being vaguely aware of the things I was hiding from you, but not of any discontinuities like being created? What if I've got it backwards, and you were the original all along? Could you have created me to put a face on the secrets you didn't want to consciously remember, some sort of secret-keeper? Is it possible-"

"That doesn't make sense," Halcyon interrupted. "First off, Procyon doesn't think that's how it happened. And I've never seen you turn into a green crystal like me, right? Implying you're the most deeply connected with our body."

"Unless I can use that power and you can't, because you gave it to me..."

"I feel like I'd remember that," Halcyon whispered. "Or at least be aware that I had forgotten it." She raised her voice again. "Anyway, third, the first few times I ever interacted with you involved you writing letters to me when I took off my mask, remember? You kept telling me to stop looking for you or idealizing you."

Faye looked away. "I remember that."

"And the first real time you took over to interact with someone was the day Procyon came back," Halcyon added.

"I was suspicious of her," Faye admitted. "I still am, to an extent. She rubs me the wrong way. At first, I thought she was something completely different, because no buried part of us would have wanted to be uncovered again... At least, that was how I felt at the time. now, I don't know what to think. But if she's right and we cut away the things we didn't like about ourselves, and she's the result... I guess that would explain it."

"But then where'd you come from?" Halcyon mused. "Couldn't she have filled the role you do?"

Faye shook her head. "According to her, I was an empty shell left behind to regulate you while you grew into our life. And then I grew into what I am now, instead of staying an empty shell, somehow..." Her eyes focused. "I guess that does line up with what you said. Maybe you really are the elder of us. At least, for the part of our existence that counted us as individuals."

"Either way," Halcyon said. "I don't like any outlook that tells us we're fundamentally incapable of achieving lofty goals. Sure, I've choked a dozen times at the moment of truth, and I can't even describe how that feels. But it's gotta be something we can just push past together if we try a little harder together, right? If it's physically possible, then it should be possible. Mental blocks can be difficult, but there's no way Procyon could have taken something that makes this actually impossible. Right?"

"If you want to find out, there's an easy way to do it," Faye replied. "Take off your clothes in public, and see how long you can go before freaking out."

Halcyon blanched. "You're the last pony I ever expected to hear suggest that."

Faye bit her lip. "I'm not suggesting it as a way to stay comfortable. Just as a way to see if we really can find the fortitude to push through our blocks when we work together."

"Would you really work with me on that?" Halcyon raised an eyebrow. "You're the one who knows why we're bothered by our legs."

Faye closed her eyes. "If you want to, I will."

---

I realized too late that going to Canterlot meant a high chance of interacting with the Princesses. And to make matters worse, Faye chose our arrival to kick me back up front, with a warning in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't let me take off my mask for this.

Form your own opinion of what they're like, she demanded, sitting in the back of my head. Without me to prejudice you. All you saw was Luna catching you in the middle of something admittedly suspicious.

Uh huh. I could feel her fear of other things too, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that if our capture resulted in me getting taken for two days, it must have been bad. How could Faye not be terrified of someone who forced her up front for two whole days?

Even I couldn't do that. I had some ability to relinquish control, but not as much as Faye had to enforce it.

And it turned out both Princesses were waiting for us.

An air traffic control stallion dropped onto the ship's deck to guide it to a loading dock, looking thoroughly intimidated by the two alicorns who had arrived before him. Princess Luna actually looked less fearsome than I remembered. Part of it was the bright morning light, free and inviting compared to the Aegis chamber in the Crystal Empire. Part of it was the sleep-deprived expression on her face.

Most of it was her sister, who dwarfed her as badly as she dwarfed Twilight.

I was good at reading ponies, and Princess Celestia was easy for me to read. This was someone who could afford to give anyone the benefit of the doubt, because she knew she was strong enough to pick up the pieces if she ever made a mistake.

A key made of admiration turned somewhere in my chest, and I quietly added her to a long-neglected list of mares I wanted to be like.

Luna was the one who spared me a glance as they boarded, but both were clearly here to speak with Starlight and Twilight. "Princesses," Twilight said, dropping into an ornate bow.

"We received your request," Luna said, meeting the bow with a nod. "You will have everything you asked for. This is not a mission Equestria can afford to under-fund."

Celestia's eyes flicked to the harmony comet.

Starlight followed her gaze, but waited for her to make a remark.

I detected... not a tension in the air, but a current, as if these four could communicate their intent without fully voicing it. Twilight knelt in a show of respect. Starlight was still clinging to her fence, dangling from the top of it and not yet embracing her jump. The Princesses were here to give their blessing, yet both of them had to know Starlight's position. Neither of them wanted to make her regret her decision with fanfare she wasn't looking for.

"I have every faith that you will succeed," Celestia eventually said, touching Twilight's shoulder with a wingtip.

Starlight took a deep breath, and finally spoke. "I can't lie to myself about the scope of this trip. Princesses. If we restore the Flame, I think it's going to become like Generosity - intact and wandering the Lifestream, but unable to return home because its palace has been damaged, by whatever killed it before. The only way this ends is with some of our number going back to Ironridge."

She let a guilty glance slip my way. "The visions..."

It was Luna's turn to step forward. "Long have I searched for the meaning behind your visions, Starlight Glimmer. I could gather no evidence and draw no conclusions about them you did not find for yourself already, long ago. Would that they had appeared in any less conspicuous a circumstance, and we could safely dismiss them as a foal's nightmares. But fear not. The phenomena you showed me could not occur in the world's natural state. Were they premonitions of the future, it would take a rewrite of the very laws underpinning our world for them to occur. And the nature of your quest is to preserve the Flames, thus fighting against such rewrites. I give you my oath that your fears will not come to pass."

"That's right." Twilight put a hoof on Starlight's shoulder. "And I'll be with you every step of the way."

Princess Celestia pulled out a scroll that I recognized instantly. A Writ of Harmonic Sanction.

"...Keep it," Starlight said. "From Our Town, the Crystal Empire is on the way to Ironridge. And I already turned down one of those from Cadance. We'll need to resupply anyway after such a long trip, and it would be... more appropriate for me to use that one. If I decide to go."

Twilight gave her a look.

"I still have the ship's old batteries," Starlight told her. "I could fill them, and then stay behind. You'd have enough power to get to Ironridge, and anywhere else in the north after that."

Twilight shook her head. "If we really went on without you, I wouldn't take this ship. You deserve to see your friends again, not be separated from yet another one."

Starlight took a breath. "We'll see when we get there. Right now, one thing at a time."

Twilight nodded.

"Sorry about this." Starlight pulled herself together, looking up to Luna. "Someone so reluctant to embrace the road in front of them must seem like an awkward fit for the Virtue of Hope. Your old power deserved someone more unbreakable. But I'll... try to do myself justice."

Luna smiled at that. "You wielded my Nightmare Modules long before you embraced the power of the Immortal Dream. Surely you have learned a thing or two about the kinds of power I leave behind."

Starlight blinked at her in confusion. "Are you implying you made this? I thought the Flames of Harmony were from-"

"They are," Luna said. "But you recently learned something of their method of creation, did you not?"

I tilted my head, not following any of this.

"They were people," Twilight whispered. "Broken down into shards that were more rigid, less malleable, able to better embody rigid concepts like Hope."

Princess Celestia looked tempted to issue a correction, but let it die on her lips.

"But people change," Luna told Twilight and Starlight. "Even so transformed, no one is truly immutable. The Flames of Harmony have weathered their lives of thousands of years, but over its millennium with me, I left my mark on the Immortal Dream as surely as it left its on me. It is not purely the virtue of Hope as it once was, but also that of Determination: the ability to carry on when you cannot see your way to the future, and all hope is lost."

Starlight's eyes slowly widened.

"You are a fitting avatar for it," Luna whispered. "No matter where your path may lead, even in the depths of despair it will never forsake you."

Starlight hesitated, then nodded, just as a crew of ponies bearing crates boarded the gangplank and their privacy was lost.

---

I hadn't realized provisioning an airship would involve more than just food, especially when this one was powered by its captain, but the amount of stuff ponies were bringing on board soon proved me wrong. And whether I wanted to explore belowdecks or not soon became a moot point, as Starlight conscripted me to help change out all the dusty bedding from the cabins.

They were situated on the first sublevel, taking up both sides of the ship with a single hallway providing access to all of them, sandwiched between a small library to the front and the hold at the rear. Five to the starboard side, four to port, but the frontmost of the port ones was the size of two normal rooms.

"This one is the captain's quarters," I guessed, looking inside and determining there was only one bed that needed changing. Some of the cabin beds were round, unlike the rectangular ones I had seen everywhere else, and had a consistency closer to bean bag chairs than mattresses.

"When we could afford it to be." Even though she was working, Starlight walked slowly, one hoof stuck in the past. "It changed hooves a lot. Officially, it was Shinespark's room, but she gave it up whenever we needed an infirmary. And Jamjars once won it from her in a gambling contest when she was distracted. But that didn't even stick for a day."

"I bet they've all got stories," I guessed, the history of this ship taking on a presence I could almost reach out and touch, like the chapel in Icereach. "What about this one?"

I pointed to the next one back, port side middle.

"That one was usually a spare," Starlight said, walking in with a load of non-dusty bedding and arranging it with her horn. "Our crew changed sizes a lot. We weren't always flying at capacity... except sometimes, we were far over it. Don't ask me how many of these rooms I've spent a night in, I don't even remember." She pointed at the starboard rooms, second from front. "That was mine when I had a choice, though. With Maple."

"Was she...?" I racked my memories.

"My mother," Starlight said. "Adoptive. For the second time, though I was too young to remember the first adoption, so it doesn't count." She stared at the room for a moment. "...Gazelle said she came looking for me long ago, but she never arrived."

My ears fell. "I don't remember if I heard anything about that. I'm sorry."

Starlight took a deep breath.

"Do you think she would have crossed the Aldenfold from Ironridge, with an airship?" I asked. "If so, she might have gone through Snowport. The dragons are pretty meticulous with their information. Maybe it's possible she bought a train ticket there, and they have a record of it somewhere? A... trail you could start following?"

Starlight stiffened, just a little. "They would. That's... how things work for me. And I'd happen to have something they want in exchange for that information, just randomly."

"I dunno," I apologized. "You could always ask Seigetsu."

"...Once we've been to Our Town." Starlight stood up and moved on to the next room. "The Flame needs to be our priority."

Port side, second from rear. "This was Jamjars' room," Starlight explained, needing no bidding to keep talking and telling stories. "You might still be able to find holes in the walls from where she tacked up her posters. She spent more time in this place than anyone else spent in their rooms, and was picky about who she allowed in. It was more like a lair than a bedroom. Hard not to see why someone with her tastes in decorations would have wanted a space for their own, though."

I remembered far, far back to my trip aboard the Aldebaran, being put up in a room that probably belonged to Jamjars and getting a read on that. Back then, I wondered if whoever made that room might have been like me, building a shrine to themselves because no one else would understand them.

Then I remembered the way Jamjars and I parted, with her laying bitterly in a jail cell in Fort Starlight.

How had that even ended? I had been too tired at the time to push an agenda. She had betrayed me - I was more mad about her stunt with the stun powder in the return trip to the bunker than about finding out she worked for Aldebaran. Part of me wondered if I should have been more forceful in trying to understand her, to build a bridge between us. At the same time, maybe getting away had been the right call.

"And this room..." Starlight moved on to the rear port room. "You were maybe an hour away from being born here."

My backwards ears stood stiffly. "What!?"

Starlight gave me a look.

"You..." I swallowed. "You know who my mother is?"

"It didn't click for me until the day after you were arrested," Starlight said, lowering her voice. "You know who you are, right? They wouldn't have kept something like this from you?"

"Yeah. I know." I sighed. "Just figured it would be a bit more of a secret than it apparently is around here. Is it that obvious, or what?"

Starlight shook her head. "Very few would be able to tell. Like I told you, there's something about you that's shielding you from diagnostic types of magic, and it's not your parentage."

"Then how did you know?" I asked, straightening sheets in the room, no more conspicuous than any of the others.

"I know what a changeling queen crown looks like," Starlight said. "And I was there when you were born. With colors like yours, it was hard not to remember. You have very distinctive legs."

I felt another spike of panic. "You've seen my legs!?"

Starlight gave me a strange look. "Yes? You were unclothed for a whole hour at breakfast the other day? I was there?"

What?

Starlight tilted her head. "Are you alright?"

---

Faye sighed, gently nudging her way in to take control. "I remember it," she said. "But she doesn't. She doesn't have my memories from the two days she was gone."

A look of realization dawned in Starlight's eyes, and it quickly did battle with confusion. "There really are two of you," she eventually said. "How do others keep track of which is which?"

"They don't," Faye apologized. "I'm too new to coming up front for anyone to have figured this out before."

Starlight frowned.

"What were you doing, taking off all our clothes?" Halcyon asked, materializing as a ghost. "I thought you were insane for asking me to do it, but there was a precedent? You weren't already spooked enough, getting stuck up front without me?"

Faye glanced at her. "Look, my clothes were ruined, alright? You've noticed the new robe we're wearing. It's... the only one we have now. I just had nothing for a while."

Starlight followed Faye's gaze, suspicious. "She's right there, isn't she."

Halcyon perked in surprise. "You can see me?"

Starlight made no reaction.

"Yeah," Faye said. "Can you...?"

Starlight squinted, then relaxed. "I told you, something is blocking my ability to magically perceive you. And whatever that something is, there's another blockage right there."

"Well," Halcyon said, "I guess that confirms I'm something real and magical, and this ghost stuff isn't just a quirk of our mind... not that that was in doubt..."

"I'm handing control back now," Faye said. "Didn't want to interrupt your conversation. Just, it's better not to talk about the last two days with the assumption that she was here for them."

And then she put back on her mask.

---

I settled back into my body, still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Faye had willingly gone around not only in front, not only in public, but without clothes. I wasn't even sure I could do that without her holding me back. Was Seigetsu holding her at swordpoint, or something?

"Well, I guess that explains how you saw me," I said. "It's me again, by the way. Halcyon. The other half is called Faye."

Starlight furrowed her brow, then nodded, getting back to work.

"So I was almost born there," I said as we moved on to the next room, starting on the starboard beds. "There's gotta be a story behind that. I know basically nothing about my past, other than who my mother is and what she did."

"Before she became Chrysalis," Starlight said, throwing the bedding out into a pile in the hallway. "She was a batpony, named Crystal. I didn't like her and didn't interact with her. Valey was the one who put up with her, and at least half of what I knew about her came from listening to Valey complain. But Crystal had a bad life, worse than maybe anyone else I've met. She was in love with the griffon regent of the imperial province of Izvaldi - who, as best as I can tell, was your father."

I listened, not at all questioning why she was telling me this. Mother never told me about the past. Neither did Papyrus.

For some reason, Starlight was doing it for free.

"Due to a quirk of Garsheeva's law, Lord Percival - the regent - was dependent on his office to be allowed to be with Crystal," Starlight went on. "And it was an office he wasn't supposed to have. But Gazelle helped him to keep it, and in turn had him on a tight string as a puppet. And his love for Crystal was the chain that kept him under Gazelle's control."

She took a deep breath. "Percival was a good griffon, but some of his subjects exploited his generosity relentlessly. Including a cult of scientists led by a stallion called Chauncey. He was the one who incubated Crystal's powers and made her what she was. I don't know if she was a changeling queen before he got to her. She might have been, just not yet filled with emotions. But he spent years funneling into her the darkest thoughts he could conceive of, harvested from an underground prison for heretics on death row. Don't ask why he did it. It doesn't even matter anymore. But by the time we met her, Crystal was bitter, jaded and resigned to her life as a science experiment turned political hostage."

I folded my ears.

"She never truly lost herself to her power, I think," Starlight said, moving on to the next room and starting back towards the prow. "But she didn't need to. What she went through would have broken anyone, and she was already broken by the time we found her. Cynical. Powerful. Pregnant, too."

She shook her head. "Valey couldn't leave well enough alone. She was trying to find who she was in those days, and our crew got filled up with ponies she saw herself in - untethered mares searching for their place in the world. So, over the months, Valey kept ignoring Crystal's rejections and tried to make her a part of our lives. Eventually, she succeeded. Crystal joined us and came to live on our ship, under our protection, out of Chauncey's reach so he couldn't use her to manipulate Percival. Gazelle still could, of course, but it was the best we could do for them. And she stayed with us for a whole month."

Starlight paused at the next room. "The night that Crystal went into labor, Gazelle and his minions tried to stage a coup. It failed, and we got conscripted as their getaway ship, flying at double speed the whole night to make it to Izvaldi so Crystal could be with Percival. We made it an hour before dawn. Crystal was reunited with Percival just in time. Gazelle was kicked off the ship."

And then they thought Percival wasn't really our father, Faye said in my mind. Because batponies always breed true. And Papyrus said he laughed at them for it, and that was the spark that pushed Crystal over the edge.

"I think I've heard the rest," I breathed, repeating what Faye had told me.

Starlight nodded. "If we had found a way to keep Gazelle off our ship. If we had been just an hour slower, and it happened here instead of Izvaldi... Crystal could have been around friends instead of enemies. It might have saved hundreds of thousands of lives."

A familiar clammy shudder rose up my legs.

"Intentions have nothing to do with it," Starlight said. "We thought we were helping, pushing the Dream harder to get her to Percival. None of us could ever have predicted what would come. And yet the fate of nations turned upon that event. Going on this adventure, trying to restore the Flame of Kindness, inevitably getting pulled back to Ironridge again... it could lead to something catastrophic, even though everyone pushing to do this is only trying to help."

I cringed. "Do you blame me for what happened? If it was such a pivotal moment that every last thing counted, does that mean every last thing is to blame?"

"No more than I blame myself for it," Starlight answered. "That situation is unique in that there really was someone to blame: Gazelle and Chauncey, and indirectly Garsheeva for creating a society that set them up to become what they were. But other times, there's no blame to be cast. The world breaks down without malice, and lives are ruined by happenstance alone. My adventure started because my best friend moved away, and the pain never left, even to the very end. The question you should be asking isn't whether you're to blame for what happened, but what role you want to have in what happens next."

"That's the question you're grappling with," I guessed.

Starlight nodded, changing rooms once again. "I have the capacity to play any role. There is nothing I can't do or become, be it angel or destroyer, teacher, fighter, jailer, doctor, or god. And all I want is to live in peace in a world I don't have to lie to myself to recognize as good enough."

She looked up. "In a way, you're the same. A changeling queen is a vessel for emotion. What you feel becomes your power. Crystal was filled with malice, agony and despair against her will, but those aren't the only forces in the world, or even the strongest. You could play any role, align yourself with any power, become a key to solve any situation... and all it would cost is giving up on a future in which you remain yourself and live out your days in peace."

"I can't do that," I said, tensing my wings. "Live out my days in peace, I mean. Because... me and Chrysalis aren't the only changeling queens out there. There's another."

Starlight's eyes widened just a little.

"Her name is Coda," I told her. "She's a new one, just a kid. She was created by the same scientists who made Chrysalis."

Starlight sucked in a sharp, angry hiss. "They... Again? What were they thinking...?"

"They're trying to atone for the damage they caused," I explained. "They want to kill Chrysalis, and they figure the only way to match her power is with another changeling queen, this one fed on love instead of despair. But they don't know what they're doing, and have been raising her on empty flattery with no knowledge of the world around her at all. She's gonna get creamed, go insane, or both. I have to help her."

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" Starlight whispered, frantic. "That's... The kind of power changeling queens are capable of..."

"But she might not even get the chance to go that far," I continued, "because just before I left, she sacrificed herseslf to seal away the windigoes that were running Ironridge, and is locked in some sort of stasis with them. She's a good kid. She desperately wants to fight for the good guys, and she trusts me too. So before I can even think about living out my days in peace - and between you and me, that's ridiculously boring - I've gotta get her back, tell her cult to shove off, and bring her with me so she can have a good life too."

Starlight let out a breath.

"She's pretty set on fighting Chrysalis, though." I stopped and shook my head. "It might not be possible for her to live at peace with herself until she's been dealt with once and for all. And that shouldn't be her problem. So it might need to become my problem, instead. But I've also got a war to think about. And no matter how powerful a changeling queen like me might be, I don't understand myself well enough to use those powers. So... I need your help. To accomplish my goals."

Because even if I couldn't see them through by myself... maybe Starlight could.

Starlight looked me up and down.

"Well?" I asked, waiting for her to say something.

"...The north hasn't broken you yet," she said, turning and moving on to the next room. "Take care of yourself, and know your limits. Because until that happens, there's always a chance."

Comments

[RoboRed]

I was kinda surprised that Starlight could at least see some of what was going on underneath with Faye/Halcyon. At least they were found out by someone understanding.

I like that she's coming out now to Starlight with more info about what's going on up north and about Coda. Makes it feel like there's just that much greater of a chance of everything turning out alright, come what may.

Faye blinked as Rainbow Dash, with no hesitation, grabbed Corsica and backflipped off the edge. Corsica yelped indignantly.

She was glad that wasn't her.

Okay that was pretty funny.

[PropsValroa]

It is good to see Starlight finally getting involved with Halycon. Starlight needs to face her past - she's been avoiding it for far too long.

[BurningSkies]

But people change," Luna told Twilight and Starlight. "Even so transformed, no one is truly immutable. The Flames of Harmony have weathered their lives of thousands of years, but over its millennium with me, I left my mark on the Immortal Dream as surely as it left its on me. It is not purely the virtue of Hope as it once was, but also that of Determination: the ability to carry on when you cannot see your way to the future, and all hope is lost."

The Immortal Dream drains Corsica's determination to do things whenever she makes a wish hoping for something. When Starlight had it, she kept hoping that she could solve whatever she faced, and suffered much for her determination to see things through.

What virtue(s) does the Noble History manifest, aside from knowledge? Comfort? Peace? Safety? We haven't seen much of Celestia, so it's hard to predict what influence she has on the thing.

If determination supports you when you have no hope, then what supports you when you have no knowledge? Curiosity, to seek out knowledge? Courage, to do things even when you have no idea how they'll turn out?

[BurningSkies]

Starlight squinted, then relaxed. "I told you, something is blocking my ability to magically perceive you. And whatever that something is, there's another blockage right there."

Bet that perception block is Unnrus-kaeljos magic. Funny how Starlight is using the perception block to perceive where Faye is floating. Like seeing a black hole by how light bends around it, since light can't escape from the hole itself.
Yes I am capable of short, simple comments.

[sploopy slooder]

i dunno, halcyon seems pretty broken to me. just not in the way starlight is implying.