The Immortal Dream

by Czar_Yoshi

Redo

I knocked on Gerardo Guillaume's door.

Unlike the first time, when Slipstream spotted me on the dock, I had to wait a moment before anyone noticed. A strange feeling of division settled over me, like what I wanted to do and what I should want to do didn't quite match up: knowing me, I should have been nervous. Instead, I was at ease.

At ease was the sane and sensible thing to be, considering I had just visited this place for a while and walked away completely unscathed. But the whole point of getting your feelings messed up about something was that you couldn't do what was sensible. When I thought about it, my whole multiple-Halcyons thing with my mask probably counted as being messed up too. Did that mean that two wrongs were making a right?

Thinking about it seemed like a good way to confuse myself. What I really needed was to see if this new change helped.

Eventually, Gerardo opened the door. "Back already, are you?" He glanced at me in surprise, then stepped back and beckoned me in. "Well, you know the policy on leaving the door open."

I walked in, paying close attention to my signs of stress. My heartbeat didn't zoom out of control. I wasn't shaking. Also, nothing ambushed me, though that was a foregone conclusion - I didn't need my recent tweak to know that Gerardo was probably a good guy and the real issues here were all in my head.

Everything I focused on was fine. I was fine. I wasn't freaking out. Apparently, it had worked.

Except all my thoughts were still focused on this instead of the creatures I was actually talking to.

"So, I take it there's no need for introductions?" Gerardo began, finishing with the seal on the door.

"We've just met," Slipstream answered. "I think we all know who we are?"

"Excellent." Gerardo stepped back, snapping his talons and surveying his work, then turned to me. "Sounds like you've been quite the regular around here. Elise told me you'd probably try to find me, but from her descriptions you were supposed to be shy."

"Tell me about it," I chuckled, still only half present as I split my focus between the conversation and watching how I was feeling. No bad signs yet, though part of my brain pointed out that the more I worried about it, the more worried I'd be... "I just know how to put on a good face, is all."

Gerardo nodded sagely. "If I could hazard a guess, I'd say you're thinking about the last time you were on a ship like this."

Second-last, seeing as I had just been here and left, but... "Guess you two probably went over everything, huh?"

"More than you'd think," Gerardo confirmed. "Not going to ask me to display some magic credentials of being on the team of the good guys?"

I shrugged. "If you've got some, I'll take 'em. But I'm pretty sure most ponies aren't supposed to need that to trust someone, so I shouldn't either."

Gerardo raised a worried eyebrow. "Trust takes a lot of time to build. That's what makes it so valuable. I appreciate the sentiment, but what most are supposed to do is have a healthy skepticism of strangers. That, tight purse strings and a good sword hand are the best ways to stay abreast of never-do-wells."

"Oh." What was the lesson from this? That I was being too trusting of Gerardo already? How was that possible? I was so paranoid earlier, I nearly had a panic attack, and I was usually known for keeping my cool. None of this made sense.

"Fortunately for you, I am a griffon adventurer extraordinaire," Gerardo went on, raising a talon like a teacher making a point. "With it comes a strong code of ethics, so as long as you don't attempt to steal from or vandalize my ship, you have my word you will be safe here. There's no need to hold back what's on your mind, Halcyon. Elise asked me if I'd give you a talking-to about changelings and adventures and getting thrown in jail, so if those shenanigans are still getting under your skin, the two of us are a resource you'd be wise to make use of."

He gestured to Slipstream, who nodded.

I paused, my breath momentarily catching. Did I really want to do that? Just ask everything that was on my mind and not filter anything?

No, I decided. I didn't. But if he was offering help, I would still take anything he was willing to tell me.

"Do you know Aldebaran?" I asked, starting things off. "The changeling group who came here? Like, did you ever meet them while traveling around?"

Gerardo shook his head. "I can't say that I have, though the world is a big place." He raised an eyebrow. "Interested in the perpetrators, though, I take it?"

I hesitated. "...Yeah. Looking back, it kinda feels like that whole episode came out of and then went into nowhere. I want it to mean something. Aldebaran's gotta have a story."

"Ah," Gerardo said, "a quest for the meaning of your struggles. There are more than you think who can empathize. After all, everyone suffers, and worse than pain is pain without purpose. That's a long road, but in this case, one I'm almost certain might bear fruit."

I tilted my head, trying to parse what he was saying. "So you don't know a thing, but think I can still figure it out."

"Depending on the lengths you're willing to go," Gerardo admitted. "Icereach in particular, I doubt they'd tell you anything. Your town is something of a sanctuary for those who would prefer not to think about their past. Or their future, in some cases. Tell me, what are your thoughts on traveling the world?"

"Always wanted to do it." I shrugged. "I've got some pretty bad wanderlust. Didn't work out so well the last time I tried it, but it's definitely still there. It just feels like everything where I am doesn't count, and the real world is everything out there, you know?"

Gerardo nodded. "I can relate. My grandmother, Glacies Goldfeather, was Imperial nobility, daughter to a provincial lord yet outside his line of succession. She was shunted to a backwater estate, with enough influence to keep it peaceful and out of the way, but nothing more. I grew up safe, bored and dreaming of a more dynamic world beyond that stubborn horizon."

My attention was suddenly held. "Yeah, that is how it feels. Did you find it?"

"The world I was looking for?" Gerardo chuckled. "Oh, yes. Quite a bit more than I was prepared for, at first, but after every knock or bruise, I looked at where I still had the freedom to go, and decided it was worth it to keep going. Adrenaline flowing like a tap at a Sosan bar, each destination just a pit stop on a long road to anywhere... That was the life for me." He sighed fondly. "Eventually, I found a greater purpose to my wanderings, but the spirit never changes."

"Oh." My gaze fell. "So you weren't looking for anything in particular?"

"Not at first," Gerardo said. "Unless looking for any place I haven't yet seen counts. Though that changed about two decades ago. Do you have a destination in mind?"

I shook my head. "Not a physical destination. I'm just looking for... something."

"I see." Gerardo regarded me sagely. "Would you be running toward something, or away from something?"

I froze. "Don't you think that's a little personal?"

"It had better be, if it's a good enough reason to tear up your roots and take to the roads," Gerardo replied. "This isn't something one does lightly. Leaving behind your friends, family, routine... I only did it because I needed a little instability in my life, and I more than got what I asked for. But, I've known many who had the opposite motivation. You wouldn't happen to be searching for a place to call home, would you?"

"A place to call home?" I thought about that for a moment. "I mean... it sure would be nice. Icereach is great, but it just doesn't have what I'm looking for. So if you're gonna tell me something about being careful not to leave behind the exact thing I'm in search of..."

"Sounds like you're already thinking about it," Gerardo said, straightening up. "That's good."

"Anyway, different topic." I shook my head, skirting away from my motivations for now. I would ask him later if he knew about any destiny or deities or ether river light spirits, but some part of me knew I'd feel silly if I made out like that was my reason for wanting to leave. Maybe I was colored by Icereach bias, but basing an important empirical decision on hope and faith weren't good ways to be taken seriously around here.

Gerardo watched me.

I watched back, waiting for him to answer.

"Different topic?" He tapped a talon and tilted his head. "You had something you wanted to ask me?"

I went heavily red. Nothing quite like making yourself look silly by getting distracted thinking about how not to look silly... "Uh, yeah. That. How did you know you were ready to leave? See, I said I always wanted to wander, but the first time I tried to step out my door..." I looked away. "Aldebaran happened."

Gerardo chuckled. "Actually, that's about how it usually starts. I've lost track of the amount of times I've been double-crossed, assaulted, or imprisoned by corrupt authorities. Fortunately, identity theft has only hit me twice, though both of those make for quite the story... From the looks of you, I'd say you've been ready for quite some time. All you need is someone to show you the ropes, a little luck not to die on the spot, and a push to get you out the door. And from what I've heard, luck has done quite a bit to keep you safe already."

"What?" I blinked in confusion. "No, I mean, like, how do I not-"

"Get taken in by charlatans?" Gerardo raised an eyebrow, cutting me off. "Painful experience. Fortunately, Aldebaran were an ideal tutorial, since they didn't set you back by any monetary value. There's nothing quite as irritating as having a run-in go south with some burglars who pause your journey by stealing the resources you use to travel, although that can be an entire adventure in itself... In your case, all they did was give you a fright and some valuable experience."

I frowned. "And they impaled me with a spike, and locked me up, and betrayed me..."

"None of which are pleasant, but all of which are temporary," Gerardo said. "Some wounds may heal slowly, but you are still here, and don't look to me to be a cripple. Tell me, how much does that betrayal still hurt after six months?"

Did I really want to talk about that? More to the point, did I really want to put an exact number on it? I had-

"If you have to think that much, I see it's more than zero," Gerardo observed. "Unfortunately, I've never been a teenage mare, and can't speak well to injuries of the heart. But, what I can tell you is that there's nothing special about that group of changelings, or what they did to you. Not in the sense that your experiences don't count, but in that you'll have many more like them."

I stared owlishly at him. "Wow, that's not encouraging."

Gerardo shrugged. "You'll get there. Early on, I had this feeling that all my close shaves were wearing me down, costing me something to my resolve, and that I was still adventuring in spite of them. But, eventually, I came to realize it was the opposite. I had put myself through so much that when push came to shove, I could keep my cool. I believe it was a late night in the Varsidelian city of Ralianth. I walked by an alley I shouldn't have, and some sixth sense kept me alert. Then, I heard a low cry for help, and... Well, you probably don't want to hear the whole story. The point is that one day, after you've just had enough, you realize you can stare down things that would make others scream and run for cover. That's the real meaning to your ordeal. I'd put money down right now saying if some obvious evildoer came to town, you'd try to do something about it instead of cowering under a table and waiting for the problem to be solved."

"Not much of a bet. Of course I would." I waved a hoof. "What happened in Ralianth, though?"

"The old lame duck con." Gerardo shrugged limply. "One bandit acts weak to draw in the merciful, another waits in ambush. Or three, in this case. Have you ever been robbed at knifepoint before?"

I swallowed, imagining it. My imagination was vivid and probably not accurate, but I figured it was good enough. "I can't say that I have..."

"Most criminals like their victims to be scared into complicity," Gerardo noted. "Most of them hate when they've barely stepped out of the shadows and you've already taken one out with a thrown trash can lid. Anyway, that was the day I went from thinking about how I survived a mugging to how cool I felt doing it."

I tried to imagine how that would feel. It felt a bit surreal.

"The point is, you shouldn't think about what you've been through as a harrowing trial, even though that's what it was," Gerardo finished. "It was a learning experience, plain and simple. Imagine for a moment I was a scoundrel who was plotting to take you hostage to extort your home, and that I got away with it. Think you would handle the pressure better or worse than last time?"

Given that I had just ran away from sheer paranoia and had to restructure myself to come back? "Still not that well," I said. "Even though I guess it might be better than last time."

"And yet here you are," Gerardo said, gesturing to himself and Slipstream, who was waiting in the background. "Giving this meeting-adventurers thing a try once again. I commend your bravery, by the way. Any sensible creature should be scared half to death right now in your situation. But being here at all is proof that you're ready. The only real test of that is whether you stand up and try again."

Suddenly, I felt a little silly for changing my mask. And now I was ever so slightly worried, because I realized I actually had taken this much better than last time, and had no idea how much of that was cheating and how much was legitimately learning to face my fears. Had I missed out on something important?

"Well, I'm glad you two are hitting it off," Slipstream commented. "Halcyon, how long are you planning to stay? I can make lunch, and I know Gerardo will talk for hours if given the opportunity."

Gerardo winked. "I did say I am a professional bard..."

I tilted my head in thought. Part of me wanted to go reverse the change I had made and see if I could do better on my own. Part of me wanted to go talk to my friends and think about what Gerardo had told me, though they probably weren't up yet. And part of me just wanted to let the day slip away listening to stories, just like I had done with Leif and Rondo.

...That comparison hurt a bit to make. Gerardo could say what he wanted about the experience making me tougher, but it didn't change the fact that I needed ponies to look up to. Finding new role models was a big quest in my life. And I just couldn't see a way to shield myself against the consequences of being wrong without saying goodbye entirely to the idea of looking at ponies like that.

Doing that, in turn, would be saying goodbye to the idea of growing, myself.

I shook my head. "Eh, I've got time for a story or three. How much did Elise tell you you can't talk about in Icereach?"

Gerardo shrugged. "She did brief me on a few topics that could be wise to avoid, but I imagine you're old enough to weigh sensitive information for yourself. That said, I'm an adventurer, not a scientist or politician. There's probably not a lot about your home I could tell you. Now, the world out there, on the other hand..."

I thought about windigoes, about changelings and about fate. Everything I wanted to know... And I decided that, for once, those could wait.

"Slipstream kept going on about how dangerous your work is," I said. "What do you actually do?"

"More specific than adventuring and treasure hunting, you mean?" Gerardo raised an eyebrow. "Come this way, and I'll show you."

He made for the doorless entry to the front room, which formed a bridge or cockpit. It was fairly snug inside, with room for a pilot and copilot and lots of meters and controls. I stopped in the doorway so that it didn't get too cramped.

Gerardo reached up for the top of the windshield. Dangling there as a decal, I realized, was a rolled-up scroll. That was an odd choice for a decoration.

He took it down and brought it out, carrying it gently. "These are what I'm after."

I inspected the tube, a sense of recognition growing like a bubble in my heart. That springy paper, that distinctive seal... Carefully, I made myself betray no recognition whatsoever, every instinct I had telling me it might be a bad thing if a griffon who had a very dangerous job collecting these knew I had two of them and might have broken a third.

"It's a scroll," I said, making myself sound confused. "What's so special about it?"

"This, my friend, is not just any scroll," Gerardo began, sounding like he was narrating the opening to a play. "It is known as a Writ of Harmonic Sanction."

Huh. And Slipstream had said these were worth more than all of Icereach. "What's inside?"

"A magic spell," Gerardo replied. "One that does absolutely nothing."

I blinked. Well, I hadn't felt any different after the one I had used... "So what makes them special?"

"Supply and demand," Gerardo said. "They're exceedingly rare. Almost impossible to get ahold of. But, a long time ago, a group of friends and I made a deal with a goddess that if we could collect enough of these within a given time frame, she would remake the world on our behalf."

I gaped.

"These days, it's a bit of a pointless quest," Gerardo sighed. "Not only are we several years past the allotted time window, but changing the world the way we wanted it might today be a very bad thing. And even ignoring both of those, we may have failed other conditions of the bargain. But, still, I search."

"Why?"

"Loyalty, I suppose." Gerardo shrugged. "Out of everyone who swore that pact, Slipstream and I were the only ones still searching long before the time elapsed. Someone's got to show them that the immortal dream never dies, even if it takes a bunch of risk for no reward. Besides, I'd already spent over a decade searching before it became clear that it was moot. You could say I just haven't found anything better to do with myself."

"And it's mostly just him searching," Slipstream cut in, busy at the stove. "I'm only here to provide support."

I felt hot and cold at the same time, and could only prod the story along. "You said you had to get enough. How many more are you missing?"

"This one would have been the last," Gerardo said, his feathery headcrest flopping in resignation. "I'm a woodcutter building a bonfire with no torch. I've accomplished deeds a goddess saw fit to give as an impossible trial. And yet, in the end, it is the weakness of mortals that will be this journey's downfall."

He shook himself out. "But, enough moping. I'm returning this one to Ironridge, and then I suppose I'll stick around for a bit just to ensure I don't start another war, or the like. And then-"

"Wait, what do you mean another war?" I forcefully interrupted, finally at my limit. "This is something you have a habit of doing?"

"Playing the harbinger of doom isn't my favorite pastime, but I'd be lying if I said it's never happened before." Gerardo shrugged. "When you've traveled this many miles, you can see just about anything, and as bad as they are, wars are relatively common. Ask me about some of the unusual things I've encountered instead."

Part of me didn't want to let this subject drop, but... "Like goddesses making deals about magic scrolls?"

Gerardo raised an eyebrow. "Fancy yourself given the same opportunity?"

I paused. That sounded like a loaded question; the moment I said yes he would inevitably start talking about how hard his journey was. "What was it like?" I asked instead.

"Which part? Feeling like we had a chance to leave our mark forever on the world?" Gerardo glanced at me.

"Sure." I gestured for him to continue. "Or like meeting a goddess in the first place. Where did you find her?"

"Mostly, it was a breath of fresh air," Gerardo admitted, "given most everything at the time was trying to kill us. I'd compare it to being in a swordfight with llamas on the Varsidelian seaboard. Plenty of danger and adrenaline, high stakes, skilled opponents... yet even though it looks and feels like the real thing, you know those fellows are too honorable to kill or maim you on purpose."

I blinked, imagining it and entirely unsure what a llama was. "Errr..."

"Not that everyone would do the same," Gerardo went on, drumming his talons. "That's the thing about immortals. The ones who want you gone won't waste any time in turning you to mincemeat. Find one who likes to talk, and at least you know they're not about to eat you for breakfast."

"Don't jinx it, dear," Slipstream interjected, stepping over to the table with a plate of triangular sandwiches and seating herself across from us on the corner bench. "You never know what you'll run into next out there."

"On the contrary, I quite hope I do jinx it," Gerardo replied, giving her a cheeky grin. "If they felt like making a speech before getting on with any nefarious deeds, it would give me that much more time to make an exit."

I tilted my head, something I had learned during the Aldebaran incident floating back into my memory: in the old Empire, inter-species relationships had been forbidden. My attunement to romance was about as undeveloped as it was possible for a skill to be, but was there something between these two that they were hiding because I was a batpony, and thus might care about the Night Mother's rules? I had an annoying feeling I was either very wrong or very dense, and there was absolutely no ground in between.

"So..." I pulled my thoughts back together. "Not only did you meet a goddess, but she was reasonable and nice. Which apparently isn't par for the course." I didn't need to ask that last bit; I had already met Ludwig and the Composer, and while I wasn't sure exactly what strata of supernatural beings they were classified in, they were anything but reasonable or nice.

Gerardo and Slipstream both nodded. "Depending how reasonable it is to ask us to gather so many rare artifacts," Slipstream added.

"Where?" I leaned forward intently.

Gerardo chuckled whimsically. "Oh, I'm afraid I can't tell you that one."

My face dramatically fell. "I thought you said you weren't interested in censorship like Icereach!"

"Censorship? Hardly even close." Gerardo strummed his talons against the table, munching on one of Slipstream's sandwiches. "If you really wanted to go and meet her, it would be the adventure of a lifetime. Far be it from me to spoil the fun of figuring out how to get there."

I narrowed my eyes at him. Was that seriously all that was going on here...?

"Yeah, so I'd like to meet someone really old and probably wiser than anyone I'll ever find in Icereach," I admitted. "But you can't be at least a little more helpful?"

"I did just put an end goal on your quest, if that's really what gets you out into the world," Gerardo pointed out. "That's worth more than you think. Some search endlessly without even knowing if what they want to find exists. I'm curious, though. After what happened six months ago, I'd have figured the mystical and magical are the last things you want to run into. When I told that story, I intended for it might shock and impress you, not light a fire under you to go and get out there."

"I've got many layers. And you're good at changing the subject," I countered. "This goddess... What's her name? How do I find her? What's she do? Is there a really good reason I shouldn't add this to my bucket list? And what were you doing when you met her?"

Gerardo sighed and shook his head. "Her name is Princess Celestia, and I believe we encountered each other during the fallout of the Griffon Empire's collapse. An entire continent can't go under without attracting some serious attention, though I strongly recommend against taking inspiration from that fiasco as a way to court the powers that be."

I hesitated. "How much do you know about the ether river far underneath Icereach? Is she related to that at all?"

Gerardo chuckled. "I know enough. That depends on what kind of relationship you're talking about, though I'm certain she understands it much better than any mortal. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering," I said. "There's an old chapel beneath Icereach and I've always wondered who made it and why."

The griffon nodded sagely. "I'm afraid I can't help you there, but seeking the stories of ancient ruins is always an excellent hobby to keep while abroad." He tapped a talon. "I'm starting to get a picture of what motivates you. You have a love-hate relationship with the unknowable, don't you?"

I slowly shrugged. "That's... one way to put it. It's complicated."

Thankfully, Gerardo didn't press. I was too caught up in the moment to break down precisely what I did and didn't want to talk about, and had to go with my instinct instead, but my motives and reasons for caring felt like things to be safe about. He already knew enough about what I wanted that it would be easy for him to guide me into a trap like Aldebaran, and while I was pretty sure Gerardo was safe, the last thing I needed was to get into the habit of being open about myself. Even now, why I wanted things was probably best kept off-limits.

"So, hey, anyway," I said, changing the subject. "Say I did just want to pack up and leave. Give me practical advice. How would I do it? What would I need to know that I wouldn't learn just living in Icereach?"

"Do you have any friends or connections living abroad?" Slipstream asked.

Gerardo nodded. "Without the ability to carry your home on your shoulders and go where you please, you can't simply wander without a destination and a plan to reach it. Given your situation, I'd strongly advise getting a friend or mutual connection in Ironridge or Infinite Glacier and planning a visit. Pay your way across the air, assuming you can get the money or the favor. Stay with someone you know, or has been vouched for. And then, see how the world treats you. Always keep the resources at hand to get back home if things turn sour. Keep a few distant goals on the horizon, but don't plan on moving on until you've milked the new place for all the experience you care to have."

I listened and nodded. This was good.

"It might be a ways in the future," Gerardo went on, "but if you're serious about this lifestyle, your first real long-term goal should be getting your own ship. Something like this one, that you can live on." He patted a wood-trimmed wall. "These don't come cheap, but having a house that can fly is a major asset when living on the road. Also, I'll tell you right now that you won't have a hope of finding Princess Celestia without one, if that's still your goal. Borrowing or buying passage won't work. You'll need an airship of your very own, or at least on indefinite loan. Don't even think about the other challenges along this road until you've pulled that off."

"Also, get traveling buddies," Slipstream advised. "Being able to go with ponies you know makes everything easier. Friends who are with you from the start, friends you make along the way, anything works so long as you've got someone to watch your back and keep you sane."

I nodded once more. "That actually is helpful. Thanks. You mind if I bail now? I've... got some thinking to do."

"Of course." Gerardo bowed. "I'd wager we'll be around for one more day, if you care to ask about more. Whatever the path you take, I hope you have safe travels and an enlightening road ahead, Halcyon."

"Same," Slipstream echoed, bundling up again as I prepared to open the door. Really, I didn't see why, as it was quite hot inside... Me slipping outside wouldn't let that much heat out.

"Yeah." I saluted with a wing, stepping out. "You can count on it."

---

The first place I went, before seeking my friends or anywhere else, was home. Locked tight in my still-new, more spacious room, I kicked off my coat and my boots and flopped onto my bed, stretching out and finally cooling off. Corsica's fancy new coat she had given at my birthday hung on a mannequin across from me in a corner. It was much more lightweight than my old coat... Maybe I should have worn it instead.

Thoughts swirled around in my brain as I recompartmentalized, packing and unpacking things so I could think through them in proper order. First and foremost: I was, physically, completely and utterly fine.

Gerardo and Slipstream might have successfully turned the sparks of my dream to travel back into a fire, and I could search for red flags in that all I wanted. But they never tried to abduct me or keep me on their ship. I had, at least in this case, been worried about nothing. And I badly needed to take this experience, reconcile it with Aldebaran, and draw out some useful lessons about how to keep myself safe.

Let's see... Both Gerardo and Aldebaran were adventurers, so that alone wasn't a bad sign. Both of them had history with the Griffon Empire. Both of them talked extensively about their own goals. But Gerardo's story of what he was trying to accomplish, while farfetched, was at least consistent. He didn't change it three times like the changelings.

Gerardo hadn't been accompanied by any ponies I trusted suddenly acting wildly out of character. That was a sign I would probably look out for for the rest of my life. But, both him and Aldebaran seemed to know an awful lot about the things I was interested in... I felt like this probably should be a bad sign, but maybe it was possible I had just gotten lucky and ran into someone this time who knew about the things I was curious about.

Or maybe the existence of goddesses was common knowledge outside of Icereach, and I was the one who was an anomaly.

I sighed, making a few new resolutions for myself. First, I wanted to travel. I wasn't going to let something like Aldebaran happen again and put my dream in the ground for several more months. Today, even, I would go find Elise and start being pushy about this.

Second, I still needed to be able to handle the mental side of things without freaking out. Twin embarrassments stung at me, of needing to flee the first time I visited Gerardo's ship and of needing to change my mask to make it through the second time. I had made it through, and fairly well at that, but I wanted it to be under my own power. Now that I knew for sure he was safe, I was going to undo the change to myself, head back there again, and be completely fine through a third conversation. Probably after talking with Elise and my friends, so I had new things to talk about.

And third... I got to my hooves, sizing up Corsica's coat. I would start wearing that. Gerardo hadn't commented on my changing to the older one, but somehow I wanted to put on a better face for him. If I was going to leave Icereach and meet the world, it was as good a time as any to change the way I presented myself. And, practically, being in that airship in my old coat was sweltering. Slipstream and Gerardo might have just liked it hot, but there was also the possibility Icereach disagreed with the rest of the world on what room temperature was, and I wanted to be prepared.

I slipped into the new coat, leaving my boots off for now and admiring myself in a mirror. Red hooves... They didn't match the coat's gray, silver and green. Even if I didn't have my thing about showing them in public, fashion sense demanded that they be hidden. Though I probably would want to get a new set of boots to match.

My old coat took the new one's place, strung up on the mannequin like a filly playing with her mother's make-up. Something really must have changed in my mind, because all of a sudden it looked slightly too small for me.

Maybe this could really work.

I fixed my boots, and finally sifted through my old coat's pockets, making sure there was nothing stashed there I'd regret not having with me when I was wandering the bunker. A few pieces of candy, some loose change... a note?

Frowning, I opened it and began to read.

Dear Halcyon,

I'm writing this while changing you in the yak tower. The reason you won't remember writing this is because I'm going to rewrite your memories of what's happening right now.

I am not your crutch. I am not your god. I am not here to let you cheat and adapt yourself to any situation. That's not a power we were meant to have.

This time, the only thing I'm changing are your memories, to make you think I changed what you wanted. Otherwise, you're exactly the same. Whatever happens between you and Gerardo is entirely on you.

Please, just live your life and let me sleep.

I sat back, holding a hoof to my forehead. This... This was the second time in two uses that I had written myself a letter after removing my mask. Prior to the Aldebaran incident, that had never happened before. Even during it, when I restored my own memories of Ansel being a probably-changeling, this didn't happen.

What was happening to me? After the first letter, I thought it might have been an isolated occurrence. But now...

Was I changing?

I stepped urgently to my nightstand, pulled out a drawer, removed a fake bottom and withdrew the three scrolls I had stolen from the hideout - Writs of Harmonic Sanction, if Gerardo was to be believed.

They did absolutely nothing, he told me. And yet, they were somehow rare and valuable enough to be wanted by a goddess. Clearly unforgeable. Maybe he was lying, to protect some secret they held? I had accidentally used one. And, since then, so many things had changed.

Was it possible this spell could explain why I suddenly felt like two ponies, instead of half of a pony? Or, maybe, it could explain how it felt like fate itself had kept me safe on that day. A spell to make fate itself keep you safe? If that was true, I wouldn't be able to attribute Corsica's miraculous recovery after the avalanche to it as well, but...

My hooves shook. I didn't know, and I wanted to find out. There had to be a reason for... well, everything.

I straightened up. If there was one upside to being told by myself that I was lying to myself and hadn't done what I specifically wanted to do and thought I had, it was that apparently I really had been in my right mind, talking to Gerardo back there. I hadn't been using any mental crutches to avoid freaking out. That meant that I really could do this.

Answers had to be out there, and I was going to find them.

Comments

[alamais]

"A magic spell," Gerardo replied. "One that does absolutely nothing."

orly?

Please, just live your life and let me sleep.

Wow, lazy. And rude. I foresee Halcyon needing to kick her inner self's ass someday.

I'm guessing she starts pushing for that research expedition now. Wonder how her sidekicks will feel about it.

[ZanyZapper]

Hmmm. Gerardo keeping a bit of a secret there with the writs. They weren't exactly a secret in the past as I recall. I assume they're even more rare now (is there anyone other than Celestia still around who can issue them?) so I could understand being protective of them. But in that case it seems like he should keep them completely secret, not just hiding the function.

Btw, when does all this line up wrt the show timeline? I know it's been 18 years since the events of ToW. Are we lined up with season 5 or later?

[Czar_Yoshi]

11015747
Three or four years after the return of NMM. I haven't decided exactly how much time I want to have had pass between TOW's interludes and TID, particularly since there's a possibility of short timeskips like what happened between Acts 1 and 2. It's definitely happening after the TOW interludes, though, which were early post-S5.

For the purposes of canon adherence, I'm treating this verse as diverging from canon after the S5 finale.

[Boopers]

I'd like to think that somewhere in a forest clearing near the lake shore there is an ominous obelisk with an engraved inscription leading ponies who want to forget about their past on their way to Icereach.

Also visiting Equestria seems a bit easier these days. Seems like Celestia didn't manage to get the barrier up and running again?

Please, just live your life and let me sleep.

HEY!!! Did you just insert me into the story?!

[Venlinelle]

"It had better be, if it's a good enough reason to tear up your roots and take to the roads," Gerardo replied. "This isn't something one does lightly. Leaving behind your friends, family, routine... I only did it because I needed a little instability in my life, and I more than got what I asked for. But, I've known many who had the opposite motivation. You wouldn't happen to be searching for a place to call home, would you?"

Every character from TOW has post-Starlight stress disorder.

Hearing that Gerardo is still looking for writs actually made me cry, because it means at least one person never gave up on Starlight. Even if it might be pointless now, he kept looking. Oops, I’m crying more.

Halcyon, please give them one of those writs.

[sploopy slooder]

ya know its lowkey horrifying to know that Gerardo is the only one who kept looking. For maple especially ive got to wonder what happened, the old maple would've thrown hooves with god to make starlight happy. hopefully it all gets explained eventually.