Toshio is quite a technological unicorn, whose special talent involves making small computer-like devices designed to do many things, such as prank other ponies. Join him on his adventures as he attempts to start a new life in Ponyville, meeting new ponies left and right, trying to find more friends, working on computers, and much, much more!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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In the first paragraph you state that this is a journal but it doesn't read like a journal at all. Am I missing something here or did you just decide to do that for convenience sake?
1121060 I guess I couldn't think of any other way to make the beginning
EDIT: I've changed the beginning sentences; let me know how this new beginning is
You will probably not get a Pulitzer Prize, but I think it works better the old opening sentence.
1123368 That's all I was hoping for; I'm not very good with beginnings, so as long as it makes sense, that's good enough for me
Do you think it's worth continuing?
1123976 I honestly don't know.
The whole "new pony in town, looking for friends, rooming with X"-act is quite the beaten path, so maybe it is a good way to get the hang of writing ponies.
On the other hand: You should be writing about what fascinates you, what you care about, not what your readers expect you to write.
If you question the worth of this endeavor after the first chapter, you should probably find a more exciting idea to write about.
1124091
just was wondering if I wrote it well, and if I should change anything in the structure of it. I plan on getting quite more interesting with all the events as the story progresses.
Oh, I'm not questioning the worth of my story;
I am always looking for feedback with my work; that's mainly what I'm asking.
1124105
Oh, then I apologize for implying such, but I'm also not much of a pre-reader and if you look closely my writing cap is not actually a cap but more of a paper hat. And no feathers in it either.
If you want professional advice, you might want to swing by the saltblock. From what I've heard they do a reasonably good job.
i like it. i give it 4/5 rainbow dashes
1124236 Hey, it's perfectly fine
I'm not expecting professional advice from people that read my story 
1126569 Thanks
I'll try to post second chapter soon, depends on my work schedule, etc.
1126623
AWESOME!!! makes my frown i had turn upside down. i know chapters of others i read should be done soon but i haven't seen any new chapters.
1133064
Working on second chapter now. If I can manage it, it'll be up tonight 
.
I'm trying to make each chapter around 2.5k words long, and fit it in with school and work, so it's kinda hard to get down and write a new chapter
1133261
school eh? so your in school to. i might make one if i had time between GF, school, minecraft server helping, reading fictions and watching kids. I'm so busy
1133284
I know the feeling.
Hehe, yeah
1133299
its midnight where i am. i feel a bit dumb for not thinking about your time zone. Well if its up i can read it tommorow. 
1133490 It's actually going up now
And it's 11 pm here
My first attempt at FanFic failed epicly but it is because I rushed my self so this time im guna pre write edit and structer it out then ill write it here edit it again then post it yeeeeeeeea anyways good luck molt u had a better start then me
btw i relized just how much i love the character derpy so in my next attempt at fanfic she will become MY BEST FRIEND lolz 
Also I already canceled it but without reading the comments can you read my failed fanfic just for one more opinion on it and maybe some constructive advice about the plot i already get my entire grammer was crap and stuff and i rushed myself too much i even miss spelled ponyville twice
but yea pone more opinion would be nice
i like the 2nd chapter. by my guess though in the future chapters vinyl scratch and toshi will get along. I'm sorry if i miss spelled but i am in a hurry to write this
1138054
Yeah I've got plenty of surprises planned in this story
Glad you liked it, and misspelling's OK if you're in a hurry
Sees in recent update list. 1 upvote.
Here, have another.
1199873 Thanks
1200881
Awesome chapter. like i said it was awesome no doubt.
1202183 Yeah I kinda rewrote it a few times; I just didn't feel like I was getting Vinyl's character right. This is third version, and I think it captures her character fine this time
Like the note says, here's a little something-something as apology for not updating for so long
1203492
LOL funny ending with pinkie pulling out her party cannon.
1203808 Yeah, thought that might get a laugh and help fulfill the "Comedy" emblem
