• Published 3rd Feb 2020
  • 6,676 Views, 58 Comments

Homo Draconis - Timzocker201



A young man, who has detached himself from the world is offered a chance to be reborn into a new body and world, in which he could actually have some decent fun.

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imPRESSive appearances

The Ride Of Her Life?

The Princess of Friendship and local Town Librarian, Twilight Sparkle, was reported missing earlier this week. The reports say that her friends and her student were about to begin a search, when an angelic being of pure white hue descended from the skies. Local Town citizens described the being as an 'enormous angel, with a skin, as white as Celestia herself and with a wingspan as wide as Sweet Apple Orchards'. It touched down just before the princess's castle and, as her friends got ready to fight, gently set down the princess in question. The being and the princess shared a passionate kiss, before the being took flight again. Our local reporters, who were at the scene by accident, reported her friend, Applejack asking for the being's identity, which the princess answered with two simple words: 'My Stallionfriend.' The important questions remain though: who or what was that being? What were its intentions? And most importantly: how does the princess accomodate the size difference? Read more about the princesses's love life on page 9!

"Ah shoot, when do these tabloids get things straight for once?" Applejack exclaimed, as she slammed the paper down onto the table. "It's 'Sweet Apple ACRES', not 'Sweet Apple Orchards'!"

"Well, if that's your only Problem, then I'd gladly switch bodies." Twilight said, her forehooves placed on the table and her face dug into them. "Thanks to that paper everypony thinks I'm bucking a Dragon!" She exclaimed, before quickly hiding her shame behind her hooves again and leting out a frustrated growl.

"Oh, Darling, it could've been worse." Rarity tried to calm, but Twilight just shot her an incredulous look.

"Oh yeah sure, it could've come worse! It's not like I couldn't leave my castle for the last two days straight!" She said sarcastiacally, pointing a hoof towards a window and the wall of reporters building behind it.

Starlight used her magic to blacken the window panes and then looked at Twilight. "You know, maybe you can tell them the true story and get them to go away?" She asked with a sheepish grin.

Twilight looked at Starlight with a deadpan expression. "Yeah sure, and while I'm at it, I could just hand in the next Article myself! 'Twilight Sparkle: futile attempts in covering her love life!'" She slumped back down into her hooves, letting out another, very agitated, groan.

"Yeah, probably not the best idea..." Starlight noted.


Meanwhile in the Everfree

I've been a Dragon for three days now and so far, I'm really enjoying it. Nobody who's bugging me to get a job, no rents to pay, no agency that wants to see, if I really need social care, and the best thing is: I get to sleep without the noise of car horns or my phone constantly telling me, which celebrity just fucked whom.

I've taken residence in the Everfree forest. From what I remember from the series, the Everfree seems to be pretty dangerous for ponies, except some random zebra that somehow manages to get by just fine. Since, however, most of the dangers in this forest are waaaaaay below my size, I don't really need to worry. That isn't to say however, that some desperate (or stupid) animals don't get stupid ideas.

That morning, I was awoken by something tapping against my scales. I blinked the drowsiness out of my eyes and, as I turned my head, saw that a Manticore was stabbing away at my hind legs. I chuckled at the sight and, just because I can, started petting the creature, while getting back to sleep. That is, until I felt a clenching sensation around my claw.

"OY, that beast BOITS!" I exclaimed, as I bring my claw up to my face. The manticore was dangling from it with an aggressive look on its face and trying to bite harder onto my claw. Suddenly, this whole scene was interrupted by a loud, low growl. I looked in the direction it came from and let a smile form on my face. I looked back at the bugger, who still hadn't eased down.

"You know, I think, I've got a name for ya." I said, a wide grin showing my massive teeth. "Breakfast."

I yanked the beast off my claw and, before it could do any more, brought my jaw up for a massive bite. I felt my teeth grind through its spine, as I slowly severed its front from its rear. The sweet taste of blood coated my tongue, as I crunched down on its head and forelimbs. I kept munching, enjoying the sweet flavour of flesh and the feling of blood, slowly coating my teeth in a rusty red. As the flavour slowly began to fade, I swallowed, savouring the delicious aftertaste of crunched bones and flesh.

I ripped off the hind legs from the rest of the carcass and, after I freed them of their flesh, used them as toothpicks, before sending them, too, into the depths of my stomach. I threw the rest of its hindquarters into the forest, as I wasn't really longing for the taste of its stored-up shit to reach my tongue, and took for a stroll through the forest.

When I say 'stroll through the forest', I, of course, mean, that, completely by accident, I took a course that would get me close to Twilight's castle and, while I was at it, I would, by utter chance, happen to see what she was up to. Yep, one of the cons of being a Dragon is that you don't really have much to do.

I reached the edge of the forest and immediately had to stifle a chuckle, as I was greeted by the sight of hundreds upon hundreds of reporters laying siege upon Twilight's castle.

It sure seems like the press is just as discreet here, as it was in my old world.

"Indeed, and it's also just as presumptious. Have you seen this morning's headlines? 'Princess Sparkle and her angelic lover' or 'The Princess' New Sex-Toy'. You sure have left quite the impression around here."

Navi went down into another laughing fit, so I promptly muted him again. I watched the scene for while longer, before I finally decided that it likely would be better if I helped.

I quickly stomped up behind the reporters, which, through their own screaming, didn't even hear my heavy stomps up until I was right behind them. I nudged one of them with a claw, who immediately shot around.

"Ey, watch where you're go--" His words stuck in his throat, as he registered, what was standing before him. He tapped a few other reporters, who then, too, looked up at me and soon, I had the whole crowd staring at me. I let my teeth show through a malicious grin, before I uttered three simple words:

"You look delicious."

I never saw a crowd disperse so quickly. All they left behind was a cloud of dust and a few hats and cameras. I let out the most devious chuckle I had ever heard from myself as I watched the fleeing reporters run for their lives. As all of them had left my vision, I turned around and knocked at the door, which caused some agitated muttering from inside.

"Ah swear, these reporters are worse than these vampire fruit bats!"

Applejack yanked the door open and screamed outside: "CAN'T Y'ALL JUST GO BOTHER SOMEPony... else?" She looked around at the mass of leftover items. "Where is everypony?"
Her eyes widened, as she noticed the four massive feet before her, and slowly her gaze wandered upwards until she locked eyes with me.

"Ahahahha shoot, Twi? I think here's somepony for ya." She said with a very insecure smile and tone.

"What? Who is it? It better not be one of these pesky reporters." Twilight answered, with a clear hint of annoyance. Said annoyance was also easily visible on her face, as soon as she came out. However, as soon as she saw me, I saw her expression change from annoyance to relief.

"Oh, hey Alex!" She chirped and flew up to my eyelevel.

"Hey Twilight. I see you got famous while I was away?" I teased with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah, make your jo-- why are your teeth all red?"

I ran my tongue over my teeth and - sure enough - had a fresh taste of the remaining Manticore-blood.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I just had breakfast, that's all." I quickly said, while licking my teeth clean.

"Yeah, ah can see that." Applejack commented, while big pearls of sweat were dripping from her face.

"Wait, wha-? No! I didn't eat them! I swear!"

Twilight meanwhile set down on my head and shouted down to Applejack: "Applejack, Alex would never do something like that! Even though they would've deserved it..."

"Wow, you only know me for a few days and already trust me this much? Who says that I really didn't eat them?" I said, showing my teeth. My stomach chose this exact moment to growl.

Twilight giggled in response, before she leaned down to look into one of my eyes. "Your stomach, obviously." She said with a smirk.

Another loud growl sounded through the air and, again, my stomach got all the attention.

"Whoah nellie, you sure are hungry..." Said Applejack, while she was slowly retreating into the castle.

"... That wasn't me."

I suddenly felt something splat against my neck and catched it witch my claw. What I found when I looked at it, was a cyan
pegasus mare with a Rainbow mane, lying on her back and panting heavily.

"D-D-D-D-DRAGOOOON!!!!" She suddenly started to scream.

Twilight looked down on the mare in my claw and gave her an incredulous look. "Yeah, I think we've established that already, Rainbow."

The mare in question quickly rose back to her hooves and pointed into town. "No, not he! A green one! It's coming into town!"

At that moment, I saw said creature break through the treeline and head for the town. Like Rainbow said, it had a green texture to it, a very bulky head and a short torso. The most notable thing, however, was that it had only two legs and was using its wings as frontal limbs.

"Dragon? Looks more like a Wyvern to me." I mused.

"What's the difference?" Twilight asked from atop my head, but before I could answer, Rainbow interjected.

"Who cares?! It's heading towards Ponyville!"

Twilight gave a sheepish grin and jumped down from my head. "Yeah, right. We need to make a plan..."

They started babbling something about luring it away from town or something... I didn't really listen, as I was occupied otherwise.

Yo Navi, what can ya tell me 'bout this bugger?

"Hmmm, let's see... Poison Wyvern. Like the name suggests, its odem is Poison Gas. It also has Poison Immunity and, as with all Wyverns, he is very fast and agile in flight, but has difficulties on the ground."

So basically a Hitler-Wyvern

"Yeah... wait, a Hitl- Oh, yeah, I get it... Anyways: I brought it from another Universe once to get things more interesting, but that lazy piece of crap just lay down in the Everfree and slept for a hundred years."

Is it sentient?

"Nah, the beasts I've brought here, except you, aren't sentient, so you only have to worry when you're facing down one of the indigenous Dragons. Why did you ask anyways?"

You up for some Dragonfightin'?

"... Wait a sec, lemme get my Popcorn."


Sugarcube Corner was full to the brim with customers. Strangely, today there were so many Ponies around to eat cupcakes that Pinkie had to rely on her PinkiePort(TM) multiple times to not let them wait for all too long. What was also strange about them was that most of them wore Fedoras or had cameras with them...

Oh well.., Pinkie thought, while happily bouncing around and serving Cupcakes, The more the merrier! Hey, maybe they want a little 'Sugarcube Corner is full to the brim'-Party?

Just as she put down the last order, she felt it... her Pinkie Sense... Signaled a Newcomer in Ponyville...

"Oooh, a new Pony! I've got to find him! That's gonna be the best 'Welcome to Ponyville'-Party EVER!"

She sped out of the bakery, leaving the customers there to watch in confusion. She searched everywhere, comically appearing from behind lampposts, sticking her head into trashbins and jumping in an out of bushes and all that while constantly shouting: "Hey, mister Newcomer! where are you?! We need to have a Welcome Party for you!"

She reached Townsquare, her mane deflating, as there was no place left to search. Just as she was about to turn back to Sugarcube Corner, her Pinkie Sense went haywire. She turned around and saw a large, green figure standing behind her.

"Oh, are you the new Pony in town? Yay, we can have a Party for you!" Pinkie exclaimed, while happily bouncing up and down.

The creature just tilted its head. Then, it leaned its head back and breathed in deep...


"... Yes, I know, but as long as we don't know, what this thing can do, we can't just barge in there!" Twilight said, seemingly very agitated.

"Oh, come on, Twi! The longer we take discussing a plan, the more time this thing has to harm Ponyville!" Rainbow quickly countered.

"Well, we would HAVE a plan already, if you two could stop arguing!" Starlight pointed out.

Twilight put a hoof to her face. "Look, Rainbow, if we go in there without proper preparation, we might get all of Ponyville destroyed and us killed! Alex, please help me out here." She turned around to face her white friend... only to not see anything at all...

"Hey, where's Alex?" She asked.

Rainbow flew up into the sky and looked around. Then she saw him. There in the distance, heading for Ponyville.

"There he is!" She shouted to her friends, while pointing a hoof towards him. She took off to follow, the four remaining mares quickly following behind.

She catched up to him as they reached town square and she came just in time... to see the the green Dragon breathe a big, green cloud towards...

"PINKIE!!!"

Dash prepared herself to intercept, but a big, white wing suddenly blocked her path... and she had to watch in horror as Pinkie was engulfed in a thick cloud of green poison gas.

"No!!... Pinkie!... no..." she broke down against the wing that stopped her, sobbing over the loss of her friend, with anger slowly rising in her throat.


Welp, that's it for Pinkie

I thought, while I watched the whole scene. I barely managed to stop rainbow from a suicidal attemp to rescue her, which would have most likely ended in her getting gassed herself. I didn't have time to be sorry for her or something like that, as I had a bigger problem standing right before me.

I let out a mighty Dragon-Scream and quickly got the attention of my opponent.

So, now to get rid of that poison...

I gave a mighty flap of my wing, quickly dispersing the poison cloud and blowing it away. Though I have to admit: what was revealed underneath had me speechless for a few moments. There, before me, stood Pinkie Pie, with a gas mask, which she got from I-don't-know-where. I decided not to think to hard about it, as, if I remember one thing from the series, then it's to never question Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie put down her Gas Mask.

"Whooo, you are a stinky one!"

This caused a gasp to emanate from behind my wing, followed by a rainbow trail heading straight for Pinkie. The mare barely managed to brace herself before she was quickly covered by a mass of cyan fur, happily staining her pink mane in her tears. That, however, didn't make the Wyvern disappear. On the contrary: It saw its opportunity for a two-at-the-price-of-one-snack and made its move. I quickly intercepted it with a headbutt to the face, bringing it off course.

"I'm glad that you're happy, Rainbow, but we DO have a few other things to care about right now, don't we?" I scolded.

Rainbow dash quickly got off of Pinkie and gave me a sheepish grin. She and Pinkie then quickly got behind me and I heard the other mares arrive. The Wyvern, meanwhile, got back to its feet and breathed in.

"Oh, no you don't!"

I quickly gave it another headbutt, sending it tumbling a few steps backwards. during this short period of stupor, I got onto my back feet and brought my frontal claws down onto its face and, using the leftover momentum, bit down on its neck. Unfortunately, seeing as it, too, was a dragon-like, its scales were too strong for me to immediately punch through. However, I still had a very decent grip on its neck now and I used it well, by smacking its head into the ground multiple times, before flinging it off, a good few hundred meters into the distance. Seeing as, while it shared roughly my height, it was only about a third my length (with tail) and a lot less volumptuous, that was actually fairly easy.

Unfortunately though, this also turned out to be a major mistake, as the beast only barely missed Sugarcube Corner... where the reporters from earlier had gathered to watch the fight... and the Wyvern, due to its agility, managed to land on its feet and was now eyeing the reporters with bared fangs.

I quickly took off to bring myself between the Wyvern and its chosen meal and barely managed to bring my wings up as a shield, before the Wyvern began breathing poison again. Didn't do much on its own, though, seeing as it wasn't a focused beam like that Dragon King's flame, but rather a big cloud of gas. I had to blow into the cloud in order to get rid of the gas that creeped around my wings.

"Don't try to block it, Alex!"

Oh, let me guess: 'Embrace the Poison'?

"... Euh yeah, pretty much."

.... Ah shit, here goes!

I took a deep snout full of poison and concentrated on it. My scales took on a shade of poisonous (haha) green and I felt pores open up on my wings and back, sucking in the poison around me like the fookin' Air-Vent I apparently had become.

Great, and now: get fucked by your own poison, fucktard!

"Eh, not likely. Like I said: Poison Immunity."

Really? Ah well, It'll shroud its vision at least.

And so, I gave that beast a taste of its own poison, shrouding its head in a thick, green cloud of gas. What I didn't incorporate in my calculation, however, was that it, too, can move. And move it did, bringing its massive wreckingball of a head down against my snout, sending me tumbling a few steps back, which I barely managed to NOT place on the reporters behind me. However, that bugger was far from done, as it used my stupor to lunge itself towards me, biting down on my left wing. I roared up in pain and saw the red fluid of life drip down on my membranes. Luckily, I was a Dragon and not a Wyvern, giving me the advantage of having frontal limbs AND wings. I quickly made use of this and brought my right claw up into a massive Dragon-bitchslap. The Wyvern tumbled back a bit, but before I could pull the same biting-stunt from earlier, it quickly made a leap back, taking another deep breath.

"Not this time, you moron!"

I bit down on its snout, clenching it shut and preventing it from breathing more gas. I then gave it a quick yank to the side, followed by a slap from one of my wings, making it take a few steps back. I quickly tried to charge up a flame of my own, but underestimated the time needed to do so, quickly receiving another headbash.

I took a few steps back, preparing myself for it to lunge at me again, when the Wyvern was suddenly hit by three blasts of magic. A rainbow trail emerged out of the corner of my vision, quickly taking a lap around the Wyvern's head and then hovering before it.

"Hey you fartbag, over here!" Rainbow shouted, barely evading a bite from the bugger.

Rainbow quickly led the Wyvern away from me, giving me enough time to disperse the cloud of poison I had created, before charging my flames once again.

This time, seeing as there was no one to interrupt me, I managed to produce a wall of flame, which I quickly sent towards the bastard, which...
...
...
simply evaded it with a single flap of its wings, landing on a nearby roof.

DAMMIT

"Yep, those Wyvverns are a lot more agile than you could ever hope to become."

Yes, I knew that already, thankyouverymuch.

With a mighty leap, the Wyvern set down in front of me, yet again trying do give me a taste of gas. I, however was prepared and had already charged a flame. I made a dash forward and breathed out... only to realize that, apart from a few sparks, nothing happened. In a quick reaction, I gave a punch with my claw, followed by a roundhouse-whip with my tail, sending it flying a good distance.

Yo, what the fuck?! Why can that beast fire its odem so quickly, and I do not?!

"Eh, well, you see, poison odem only needs one gland to be used and he has two, so he can use one, while the other one is recharging. you can theoretically do the same with your flame, but considering that most dragons have at least slight flame resistance, I would never go lower than two."

Oh, so I can also do rapid-fire if I just charge two at a time? Neat, didn't know that. Though, I will probably just give this one a full-on blast and be done with it.

"Well, your fight, your choice. On another note: CONGRATULATIONS, New Unlocks: Poison Odem."

Oh really? Neat. Too bad this bugger has Poison Immunity.


The two Dragons were exchanging blows and breaths, each trying to get the upper Hand. They smashed each other to the heads, shrouded each other with gas or bit down on their opponent, completely ignoring their surroundings. On the sidelines, there were six mares watching the fight, eager to step in, but able to do nothing.

"Aaah, dear Celestia, that hurts!" Rainbow lamented, as Starlight was tending to her wounds. While she was leading the green one away, she didn't look where she was flying and crashed into a roof, which sent her tumbling through the air just when Alex unleashed his flame. Luckily, Twilight could teleport her out of there before she was burned to a crisp, but she still got some decent burns from it.

"It's not my fault that you didn't watch where you were flying, now hold still!" Starlight struggled to put bandages around Rainbow's burns, as each time she touched down on one, Rainbow began to squirm and wiggle in pain.

"There has to be something we can do ta help, without getting ourselves killed!" Applejack said.

"Yeah, well, I'm open for any ideas. I have burnt through all my magic trying to keep us alive, so I'm out. Rarity doesn't seem to fare any better, either." Twilight said, while she was tending to her own wounds.

Pinkie sat in quiet, contempt on watching the fight and, for once, actually thinking what she could do to help. it turned out, she didn't need to.

Both Dragons faced each other once again. The poison Dragon took a deep breath and Alex did the same. The green one was faster, sending another cloud of gas towards Alex. Starlight, giving up on trying to bandage Rainbow, watched, awaiting Alex to turn green again and suck in the poison. However, he didn't. Instead, he made a lunge towards the stinker, yanking its jaw wide open with his claws and sending a lance of flame down into his opponent. Starlight's eyes widedned, as she saw the Wyvern wildly flail with its wings in an attempt to get airborne. However it was unable to lift the additional weight of Alex, causing it to merely swirl up some dust.

Soon, smoke began to rise from its nostrils and its squirms picked up in intensity in a last, futile attempt to break free. Then, with a pop, the flame broke through the Wyvern's hindquarters and its body went limp. Alex let go of it, letting the carcass fall to the ground with an earth-trembling rumble. He looked over to the mares, which by now were looking at him in awe, before he bit down on the Wyverns neck, bringing it onto his back with a swing.

"Ehehehe, I sure am glad, that he's... You know.. on our side, because I certainly don't want to know, what that felt like..." Starlight commented. The other mares nodded absentmindedly, as they watched Alex and his prey slowly vanish behind the treeline.

Author's Note:

So... My new PC arrived yesterday and I spent half of my time yesterday trying to fix various compatibility issues... sure wasn't fun but now it works. As for the stories: I have decided to finish this one first, before I go back to writing on E:TA. I thought that around two to three more chapters after this one should suffice to make a decent story and it would also enable me to finish this thing within the week. as for the layout of each chapter: they will all be somewhat like this one. A comedic exposition followed by some dragon fighting or maybe some other action-sequence.

Also: whoever said that one does work better with one's favourite music playing: I don't know what kind of music you mean, but I tried it on this one. It took me around 8-9hrs to finish this chapter, of which 70% were spent groovin' to the tunes...