I'm guessing a zebra assassin from a rival tribe. Whose goal is to prevent the unification of both parties for fear of retaliation and destruction of his tribe. Pretty interesting he has anti magic gear, considering he's from a land that has no magic. Or how he's going out of his way to spare ponies. Probably out worry of angering the princesses, a real shame he unsheathed his sword right in front twilight though.
About the poll whose banging who ? Like Spike X Dansaar is Dansaar plowing Spike, the other way around, are they both going plow each other I need answers !
Glad to see you made Hajaa apologize. Personally I feel like Twilight was still way too nice to him but I guess it does make some sense for her to be like that. Interested to see who this assassin is. I don't think he'll be able to do much with Twilight there tho lol.
Yeah, the story keeps telling us Cadance was perfectly sane and coherent when she plotted to hand over her subjects and friends and family to be enslaved and bred out of existence, but considering it showed her acting like a frothing lunatic, I am still not buying it. Show versus tell works against it there. But truth be told, I don't know how to resolve that conflict any better myself. Cadance has to be out of the picture for the To'Achuu/Armor ship, but making her the victim of outside influence would shove her right back in between them. In the not-fun kind of way.
The part with Flash Sentry is a little unfortunate. It feels like he's made into the bumbling fool I'd hoped he wouldn't become, whose main role is to let the doubters of the zebras' benevolence look dumb. However, he still made a better point than those three jerks he was talking to, even if we're meant to see if differently, if that is the case, that is.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Shining asked, frowning slightly. “I mean… you’re a king now, are you sure you want to give that all away on my account?”
To’achuu frowned. Without another second of debate, he reached down, grabbed the quill closest to him, and signed his name. Shining’s eyes widened for a second as he turned to him.
“I wasn’t cut out for ruling an empire of this scale,” To’achuu said with a smile. “Besides, I still have my tribe… and you.”
And you got it handed to you through an evil conspiracy where you weaseled yourself into a position of power through lies, proceeded to stab the other party in the back, locked her up, and left yourself as the only beneficiary. I know, I know, you did it because you believe Cadance would have gone off the deep end sooner or later, so why not take advantage of it yourself, but really, is THAT what you want your legacy to be founded on? My guess is this helps ease To'Achuu's conscience as well.
Oh, right, there's the mysterious attacker. Most likely some sort of agent from the zebra homelands, judging from their sheer panic at the sight of him. Bit of a shame, too, since it makes the ponies look weak for getting beaten so badly (though that happened to the guards in the show all the time too, to be fair), as the zebra characters just run away. It'll be interesting to see how he fares against the most dangerous ponies in the Crystal Empire now that he's facing them directly.
By the way, good job on the fight scenes. Very emotive but also easy to follow. Not an easy thing to do, fights can be chaotic and hectic and you need to keep track of a lot of movement that needs to be conveyed to the reader.
11241773 What if he's not an assassin, but an agent sent to retrieve To'Achuu? That would explain why he keeps using non-lethal methods. Or perhaps he's here for revenge, some Jalla they couldn't save, who blames To'Achuu for leaving him behind.
Seriously though, the parts with the zebra quasi-ninja were really good. He comes a little out of nowhere, but in the good way; the way that leaves your readers guessing and combing through any possible foreshadowing, while reading the excellently-crafted parts describing him infiltrating the palace.
Overall, I might've been a bit unkind with my first comment. Sorry. Anyways...
Some more thoughts on this chapter:
Hajaa apologising was a nice touch. Now it's going to be interesting to see if he will direct a little more of that anger and frustration towards To'Achuu, for example. I.e. the clever source of his current good fortunes, and the idiot who almost almost cost them everything with not actually thinking his plan all the way through. It seems to me like the current zebra leadership didn't even fully believe it was even going to work as well as it did up until now.
I actually do like how the overtly bigoted pony, Prudence, didn't come across as a totally lost cause. It's easy to make them into the focus of everything negative, but he did have some standards. The point about Cadance seeling out his wife to be raped and enslaved by zebras is also perfectly valid. It raises an interesting question, however: were ALL the zebra stallions in on the major details of the plan? Did any of them feel bad over it? Did they hate having to play up the role of the tamers that are so despised among them? It's all but stated Hajaa did. For that matter... is there any one among them who actually fantasised doing what Cadance wanted them to, only not with the mares but the stallions? Fantasising doesn't mean wanting to do it, mind. As Celestia said, there's no wrong way to fantasise. But look again at Hajaa, he's uncomfortably close to a tamer in how he comes across in his treatment of Thorax, who is such a cinnamon roll and doormat he might as well have "welcome" stamped on his butt. Do any of this tribe, who are usually at the bottom of the totem pole, wonder what it would be like to be on top?
Dansaar being scared of Thorax, also a nice touch. It's easy to forget how scary Changelings must naturally look, what with their glowing eyes and rotted-looking leg-holes and the oversized fangs. Oh! Here's an idea: both Spike and Thorax have long, forked tongues. Now I'm not saying that could be incredibly erotic to anyone into that... no, that's actually exactly what I'm saying. Heck, Spike can wrap his tongue along his entire body's length. Have the two Jala hissy boys pose together, should be fun.
Lastly, I'd wondered if this mysterious zebra shinobi could be some kind of protector against the kinds of domineering, conquering tribes To'Achuu's people originally fled from. If that could be why he has magic equipment; if he came to Equestria a while ago to safeguard his new home against the evils of his old one. If he's just read the letters sent between Cadance and To'Achuu, he would think the latter just another rapist tyrant out to enslave others. That would be quite a twist...
11249016 I totally agree, Cadance is... well... really fuckin hard to work with because of how the story started XD. The best I can do is try to find a way to actually explain that she was conscious and just a bitch when she did it cause I like To'Achuu and Shining too much to have her rip them apart ;(
Dansaar being scared of Thorax, also a nice touch. It's easy to forget how scary Changelings must naturally look, what with their glowing eyes and rotted-looking leg-holes and the oversized fangs. Oh! Here's an idea: both Spike and Thorax have long, forked tongues. Now I'm not saying that could be incredibly erotic to anyone into that... no, that's actually exactly what I'm saying. Heck, Spike can wrap his tongue along his entire body's length. Have the two Jala hissy boys pose together, should be fun.
... Frick... that sounds good. Imma have to find an artist for that... hnnnng
I'm guessing a zebra assassin from a rival tribe. Whose goal is to prevent the unification of both parties for fear of retaliation and destruction of his tribe. Pretty interesting he has anti magic gear, considering he's from a land that has no magic. Or how he's going out of his way to spare ponies. Probably out worry of angering the princesses, a real shame he unsheathed his sword right in front twilight though.
About the poll whose banging who ? Like Spike X Dansaar is Dansaar plowing Spike, the other way around, are they both going plow each other I need answers !
Glad to see you made Hajaa apologize. Personally I feel like Twilight was still way too nice to him but I guess it does make some sense for her to be like that. Interested to see who this assassin is. I don't think he'll be able to do much with Twilight there tho lol.
I feel a little called out by this chapter.
Yeah, the story keeps telling us Cadance was perfectly sane and coherent when she plotted to hand over her subjects and friends and family to be enslaved and bred out of existence, but considering it showed her acting like a frothing lunatic, I am still not buying it. Show versus tell works against it there. But truth be told, I don't know how to resolve that conflict any better myself. Cadance has to be out of the picture for the To'Achuu/Armor ship, but making her the victim of outside influence would shove her right back in between them. In the not-fun kind of way.
The part with Flash Sentry is a little unfortunate. It feels like he's made into the bumbling fool I'd hoped he wouldn't become, whose main role is to let the doubters of the zebras' benevolence look dumb. However, he still made a better point than those three jerks he was talking to, even if we're meant to see if differently, if that is the case, that is.
And you got it handed to you through an evil conspiracy where you weaseled yourself into a position of power through lies, proceeded to stab the other party in the back, locked her up, and left yourself as the only beneficiary. I know, I know, you did it because you believe Cadance would have gone off the deep end sooner or later, so why not take advantage of it yourself, but really, is THAT what you want your legacy to be founded on? My guess is this helps ease To'Achuu's conscience as well.
Oh, right, there's the mysterious attacker. Most likely some sort of agent from the zebra homelands, judging from their sheer panic at the sight of him. Bit of a shame, too, since it makes the ponies look weak for getting beaten so badly (though that happened to the guards in the show all the time too, to be fair), as the zebra characters just run away. It'll be interesting to see how he fares against the most dangerous ponies in the Crystal Empire now that he's facing them directly.
By the way, good job on the fight scenes. Very emotive but also easy to follow. Not an easy thing to do, fights can be chaotic and hectic and you need to keep track of a lot of movement that needs to be conveyed to the reader.
11241773
What if he's not an assassin, but an agent sent to retrieve To'Achuu? That would explain why he keeps using non-lethal methods. Or perhaps he's here for revenge, some Jalla they couldn't save, who blames To'Achuu for leaving him behind.
Seriously though, the parts with the zebra quasi-ninja were really good. He comes a little out of nowhere, but in the good way; the way that leaves your readers guessing and combing through any possible foreshadowing, while reading the excellently-crafted parts describing him infiltrating the palace.
Overall, I might've been a bit unkind with my first comment. Sorry. Anyways...
Some more thoughts on this chapter:
Hajaa apologising was a nice touch. Now it's going to be interesting to see if he will direct a little more of that anger and frustration towards To'Achuu, for example. I.e. the clever source of his current good fortunes, and the idiot who almost almost cost them everything with not actually thinking his plan all the way through. It seems to me like the current zebra leadership didn't even fully believe it was even going to work as well as it did up until now.
I actually do like how the overtly bigoted pony, Prudence, didn't come across as a totally lost cause. It's easy to make them into the focus of everything negative, but he did have some standards. The point about Cadance seeling out his wife to be raped and enslaved by zebras is also perfectly valid. It raises an interesting question, however: were ALL the zebra stallions in on the major details of the plan? Did any of them feel bad over it? Did they hate having to play up the role of the tamers that are so despised among them? It's all but stated Hajaa did. For that matter... is there any one among them who actually fantasised doing what Cadance wanted them to, only not with the mares but the stallions? Fantasising doesn't mean wanting to do it, mind. As Celestia said, there's no wrong way to fantasise. But look again at Hajaa, he's uncomfortably close to a tamer in how he comes across in his treatment of Thorax, who is such a cinnamon roll and doormat he might as well have "welcome" stamped on his butt. Do any of this tribe, who are usually at the bottom of the totem pole, wonder what it would be like to be on top?
Dansaar being scared of Thorax, also a nice touch. It's easy to forget how scary Changelings must naturally look, what with their glowing eyes and rotted-looking leg-holes and the oversized fangs. Oh! Here's an idea: both Spike and Thorax have long, forked tongues. Now I'm not saying that could be incredibly erotic to anyone into that... no, that's actually exactly what I'm saying. Heck, Spike can wrap his tongue along his entire body's length. Have the two Jala hissy boys pose together, should be fun.
Lastly, I'd wondered if this mysterious zebra shinobi could be some kind of protector against the kinds of domineering, conquering tribes To'Achuu's people originally fled from. If that could be why he has magic equipment; if he came to Equestria a while ago to safeguard his new home against the evils of his old one. If he's just read the letters sent between Cadance and To'Achuu, he would think the latter just another rapist tyrant out to enslave others. That would be quite a twist...
11249016
I totally agree, Cadance is... well... really fuckin hard to work with because of how the story started XD. The best I can do is try to find a way to actually explain that she was conscious and just a bitch when she did it cause I like To'Achuu and Shining too much to have her rip them apart ;(
11250955
... Frick... that sounds good. Imma have to find an artist for that... hnnnng