Breakfast
When I woke up that morning, I took one look at the perpetual sunset and kicked my covers off of me angrily. I took a second to trample my bed for good measure.
Stupid ponies, stupid broken constant twilight, stupid broken Equestria, stupid, stupid!
I started to get a little tired, and with that came a wave of sorrow at realizing I had to live in this dump. And I just trampled the bed even more, hissing at it, driving the thoughts away.
NO! No, no, buck all of this, I won't end up in a dump like this! After everything I did I'm not going to give up!
Satisfied that I'd shown my mattress who was boss, I jumped down to the floor and strutted out of my room like I owned the place. I caught a scent that set my mouth watering, and it led me around to the dining room, where the caretaker was patiently reading a book in front of an uncovered dish of hashbrowns with mushrooms and hay bacon.
I spotted a covered dish in the same place as last time, and I made my way over to it in the same silly regal strut I'd seen Chrysalis show off once or twice. I hopped up into my seat and uncovered the dish, and tore into my food, also much in the same way I'd seen her do so.
I spared a glance to see what sort of reaction that got from the caretaker, but he was just quietly eating his own food and minding his own business.
OH COME ON!
I growled a bit and finished eating, wiping my mouth off with a napkin, and I just stared at him until he finished eating. That done, he leaned back, dabbed his mouth, and cleared his throat.
"Was there something you needed, Cozy?"
"Answers. I need answers, dangit!"
I fumed at him, and he slowly raised an eyebrow.
"Regarding?"
I huffed a second and gestured around me.
"The house is nice, but the neighborhood's a dump."
He blinked at that, but didn't respond otherwise. I grumbled a bit before continuing.
"What I'm saying is, there's nothing to do with this place! Everypony's a jerk, Ponyville's been run into the ground... how have the windigoes not devoured this place yet?!"
His eyes widened slightly in bland recognition.
"Ah, I see. Well, the windigoes perished when magic disappeared from Equestria at large. Only a few vestiges remain – one or two artifacts and ponies that escaped the change by some means or another. The occasional pony is born with magic, but it's quite rare, I'm afraid."
My jaw dropped.
"Magic is gone?!"
He nodded. "You won't meet another pegasus that can fly, in all likelihood. Though they're relatively uncommon in general, since most of them dropped out of the sky helplessly when magic disappeared, or so I've read."
I recoiled at that, trying to push the image out of my mind. I realized that all of the pegasi I had seen in town were walking around, same as anypony else... I'd thought that was by choice!
"Ugh, so this world is even more messed-up than I thought it was! Is that why the princesses are gone? Because their magic disappeared?"
The caretaker nodded, the ghost of something like a smile creeping onto his face.
"Yes, very good deduction, Cozy."
I grit my teeth, both at being treated like a child and at his lackadaisical attitude.
"Nothing about any of this is good."
He cocked his head at that. "My understanding was that you attempted to wipe out magic once in your own time, didn't you?"
I groaned, rubbing a hoof to my forehead. "Yes, technically, but I just did that so I could take Equestria over. Now I'm not in charge, and with Equestria this messed up, there isn't even anything worth ruling anymore!"
He actually chuckled at that! I was so surprised my fur stood on end. It was a deep, foreboding sound, coming from him.
"I know precisely what you mean. Rulership is a sucker's game, I feel. But I suppose our queen didn't realize it before she took over."
I seized on that, if only because I wanted to keep him talking.
"Queen? Queen who?"
"Ah, I have not brought you up to speed on that. We are ruled by Queen Pluteia, presently. After magic was nearly wiped out, there was a stallion who managed to find an artifact, a scepter, that still had power; he took over Equestria and ruled for a while, and since then it's been tradition – well, more likely necessity, really – that whichever pony has the scepter is in charge. Sometimes it's stolen, sometimes – rarely – it is simply handed over. Pluteia's been in charge for ten whole years; the longest stretch so far, I think."
The caretaker just shrugged nonchalantly, like he was discussing the most dry history he'd ever heard. Meanwhile my heart was racing.
A magic scepter that can rule all of Equestria! If I get my hooves on it...
I took another look outside, noticing the caretaker had left the window open this time and wondering if that was because he thought I preferred it.
I didn't.
"So... somepony has this magic scepter, and they're in charge, and what do they do?"
The caretaker stared at me dully for a couple of seconds.
"Well, they tell other ponies what to do."
"Like what, though?!"
He leaned back to think for a second. "Politics is not one of my interests. But the last command I recall was a building in Ponyville had to be demolished because it was 'ruining the view' from Canterlot."
I mentally connected a smooth, recently-demolished foundation I'd seen in Ponyville with a building that should have been there, but I voiced the question anyway.
"... What building?"
"Oh, there was a garish crystal castle here in town. Abandoned for as long as anypony can remember. It was protected as a historical site, but I think the queen felt insecure about there being another castle out there."
I should be happy it's gone. That was where those meddlesome ponies worked from! But...
But now there was one less thing for me to connect the place I saw to what I remembered of Ponyville. There was no map, no friendship quests, nopony would go around and make sure ponies got along.
Just another piece of this stupid country with its stupid government that's broken!
I huffed. "I bet she had no idea what she was even destroying."
The caretaker shrugged. I hated it when he did that. "Probably not."
I mentally backtracked and tried to find some kind of opening to latch onto.
"So this so-called queen, she doesn't even do anything to, like... run Equestria? Is that why this place is such a run-down dump?"
The caretaker glanced away and leaned left and right, as though tossing my assessment around in his head, and then nodded.
"More or less. Sometimes she'll command some ponies to work on something to keep the country going, keep the taxes coming in, but she's not really concerned with anypony else aside from that. Why would she be?"
I didn't even hide it when I grit my teeth this time.
"BE...CAUSE... IT'S HER JOB."
I took to the air as I flew off in a full-blown rant.
"I can get behind her being a tyrant, sure! I get that! I get that she wants all the benefits of being in charge, that's the whole point! But there's, like, a whole job that comes with it! You can't say you run something if you don't put in the work! When I took over Twilight's school I didn't just let it run itself! I, I mean obviously you can't do it all yourself, but that's why you get lots of ponies to be your friends and you share the load, but ponies are too stupid to run themselves, so they need a firm hoof in charge! COME ON! THIS. IS. BASIC. STUFF!"
I punctuated the last bit by landing on the table and stomping on it, which didn't seem to perturb the caretaker. Then again, nothing did. By the end I was huffing and staring at him, furious, and he was just placidly watching me, eyes partly lidded. He gave another shrug.
"What would she get out of that?"
I balked. "She'd get a functioning country to rule!"
He propped one head up on a hoof, going from 'frustratingly neutral' to 'bored'. "So? How is that a benefit to her?"
I sputtered. "Be-be, buh, because duh, what's the point of being in charge of, of nothing?! She might as well not be in charge at all if the country just falls apart!"
"She gets to order ponies around. Get anything she wants. That's the point."
I was seething, and it felt like my blood had caught on fire from how utterly stupid this stupid, stupid pony was!
How can he not understand something so basic?!
"That's not rulership, that's just... stupid! Like, what does she even get out of that?! A fancy castle to live in and some servants?! And you said that the scepter is usually taken, right? So she's got a lot of enemies, too! That's a terrible trade!"
He waved a hoof dismissively. "Like I said, it's a sucker's game."
"NO! IT! IS! NOT! Taking over, really taking over, means getting everypony to love you! It makes you safer from enemies because if anything bad happens they'll take a hit for you!"
I had pounded the table again, and now my hooves were sore. There was actually something kind-of cathartic about being able to yell, smash stuff, and just generally let go without being judged for it. This pony didn't care... and that was actually nice, in an infuriating way. He waited for me to catch my breath before responding.
"Why would anypony ever do that?"
"I already told you! Stupid! Stupid pony! I told you! They'd love you!"
He scoffed at that. Another actual emotion! Sort-of!
"Good luck convincing anypony of that. You went down to Ponyville; you think today's ponies are going to love you just because you try to do a decent job at rulership?"
My breath hitched, and my response died in my throat, my mouth still open and hoof raised. I hesitated for a few seconds before I set my hoof down and huffed.
"Well I don't know, but it sure sounds like nopony has even tried."
"Oh, I don't know. A few rulers tried to make things better in a few ways, to try to win some trust or loyalty. But in the end it didn't work out too well for them. And, honestly, your way doesn't sound that appealing to most ponies; it sounds like it would involve a lot of work for very little reward, if any. What do you get, in the end? You're in charge, you run the country well... then what?"
"Then you're in charge of a real kingdom!"
"And? Then what?"
Again, my response died in my throat. Somewhere, in trying to win the argument, I'd lost sight of what my original position was. I stammered out a response just for the sake of not giving him the satisfaction, assuming he could even feel that.
"W-well, then, then you can order ponies around, but they'll love you for it!"
That stupid eyebrow went back up on his stupid face like he thought I was stupid, stupid stallion that he was.
"So... the only difference is that ponies like you?"
I seized back on something I'd said earlier.
"Well you're safer that way! You won't have loads of enemies trying to seize power!"
The flat look he fixed me with actually made me feel stupid.
"Cozy Glow, forgive me if I'm mixing up my history, but didn't you try to seize power from a beloved ruler?"
"... Yes..."
"Twice? And the second time it was with two others who—"
"YES, I GET IT, SHUT UP! STUPID... GRAH!"
I turned my back to him and slammed my rump onto the table, fuming. I sat like that for a solid minute, just waiting for him to make some snide remark or snicker at me or something, but he never did.
And somehow that was a lot worse. I had nothing to counter or fight back against, I just had my own stupid thoughts and my own stupid doubts. I sucked in a breath and turned back around to look at him; he was sitting up straight and watching me with that neutral look of his. I rolled my eyes.
"What, nothing else to add?"
"You told me to shut up."
I worked my jaw silently for a second. Honestly, I couldn't even be angry; that response was just so unexpected I didn't know what to make of it.
Had I hurt his feelings? Or was he just some kind of weird golem-pony that just did whatever he was told?
Whatever!
"Okay, look! Fine, you will still have enemies, but the whole reason I failed, we failed, was because the rulers of Equestria were so beloved! Their pwecious fwiends came in to save the day, in force! So! There! They were a lot safer because they had friends! Gotcha! Q... Uh... Q-E-D!"
I'd heard Twilight say that at the end of a lecture once, and it always sounded like a good burn at the end of an argument, so I felt pretty good about trotting it out here. The caretaker didn't seem impressed, but then again he wouldn't be, so who cared?
"They'd have been safer, personally, if they weren't your targets in the first place. It was only the princess and her friends who got locked up in Tartarus, right? So if safety is your goal, why not just stay home?"
"Duhhhh, you wouldn't be in charge then!"
The stallion's eyes opened fully, like he was mildly surprised, and I realized I'd missed something.
"Right, but then what's the point of being in charge in the first place?"
I felt my confidence starting to drain.
"Because, like I said, then you can order ponies around and they love you for it..."
"Which is good because they protect you? Isn't that just a roundabout way to get the same thing you started with?"
He furrowed his brow, as if puzzled, and pressed on to my surprise.
"Is the goal here just to order ponies around? And you think being beloved is the safest way to do that? You could just use fear instead, if you have enough power."
"Like Sombra... or Chrysalis, or Grogar."
"Or Discord." He agreed.
"You're saying you think that's a better way?"
He shrugged. "It worked for them, didn't it? It's working for Pluteia."
"It worked for a while, but the moment they showed weakness they were taken down! It's not... sustainable! And not just that, it's..."
I trailed off, gesturing and looking for the right word. He scoffed. "What, evil?"
"Shallow! It's not real rulership, like I said, it's just... bullying, basically!" I stood up on my hind hooves and made imposing hoof gestures while rolling my eyes around in my head like a madpony, " 'Whoo, lookit me, I can zap ponies and make'm dance!' Who cares?!"
I stomped back down and fixed him with a glare as I continued.
"That's not power over ponies, it's just power being used to force them to do stuff. Real power is when they do it willingly!"
The caretaker sighed, and I realized he was actually faintly exasperated. At least he was feeling it!
"Power is power. Why should anypony care about the specific type? We're back around to the point that you could use power and fear just the same as being loved, and either way you could be in charge and be safe, which is what you seem to want, but now you're saying that's not real rulership. So does that mean you want real rulership for its own sake?"
I scoffed and bit back a reply while humming and trotting a bit in place, and laughed a bit without opening my mouth as I really glared at him good.
Oh, he's really starting to tick me off now!
"Of COURSE I do, are you completely INSANE?! Look outside! Look how terrible this place is! HELLLOOOOO, is anypony home?! WHO WOULD WANT ALL OF THIS?!" I flew up by the window and gestured frantically at the skyline as if he couldn't see it. "NOPONY! Duuuuuhhh, pay attention! This is stupid! This is garbage! Nopony would want to live in this world! So, duhhhh, pay close attention now! The one with all of the power should fix it! So they don't have to live in it! Get it?!"
His eyes widened, and he almost seemed excited to grasp my meaning.
"Ah, I believe I understand your objection now. The queen's castle has actually been modified – through the labor of many, many ponies commanded to do so – so that it can simulate a day and night cycle through the motions of gigantic mirrors and pulleys. It's quite majestic, apparently, though back-breaking work for the ponies who operate the machinery."
I sputtered and tried to imagine how anypony would pull that off.
"That... okay, look, that sounds great and all, really impressive, but that's just fake! The problem's still out there!"
He shrugged at that, and I practically wanted to strangle him. "The queen doesn't leave the palace very often. She has her every need attended to, since she'd wreak havoc otherwise. I still don't see why you're saying she's being stupid for that approach, aside from the risk inherent in her position – that is what you are saying, right?"
I groaned, and I decided to embrace some of the profanity I'd heard other ponies slinging around in town.
"NRGH, yes! What you're describing isn't even a queen, it's just a, a... I don't even know what to call it! A sponge! Her royal pain-in-the-ass! Less 'her majesty' and more 'her major pig-sty!' A slob who makes other ponies do everything for her!"
He actually snickered at my descriptors, which at least alleviated some of my rage, but then leaned back and looked at me appraisingly. "Isn't that the point of being in charge, though? Getting what you want?"
I almost felt like tearing out my hair. I flew back over to my chair and huffed, and puffed, and realized my chest was starting to hurt.
"I... I told you, that's not really being in charge? It's just bullying, like I said! It's stupid..."
The stallion leaned closer, a look of genuine concern on his face. "Cozy, are you alright?"
"I... I don't know... I mean, I'm fine! I mean I don't know if that's... I mean, that thing you asked."
He paused. "You mean if that's the point of being in charge?"
"I don't... know?"
My chest really was starting to hurt bad, and I started to feel like something was really, really wrong. Like really horribly wrong.
What's going on? I feel like I'm being turned back into stone!
I glanced at my hooves, and in the dim lighting they looked grey for a second, and I shrieked, bolting out of the chair. I felt like an idiot, but only for a second, because now my heart was hammering so hard I barely managed a proper landing. I tried to say something, but it came out breathlessly and oh stars I can't breathe.
The caretaker had me in his hooves then, but I was only barely aware of him, struggling to suck in some air and feeling like my ears were burning off of my head and my skin was turning to stone and crumbling away, and everything hurt so bad I couldn't think straight.
"Cozy, you're having a panic attack. Can you hear me? Cozy?"
I struggled to nod, but the pain and panic taking me over made me twitch erratically, and I wasn't sure he could even tell what I was trying to do. My heart hammered even harder, and my vision started to black out.
I'm dying! Why am I dying, what happened?! Did this stupid, magic-less world kill me?! What is going on?!
Where are my friends...?
The next thing I knew, I was waking up again in that weird bed, feeling groggy but otherwise fine, my panic attack almost forgotten. It took me a little bit to remember what happened, and I initially felt embarrassed before I realized the caretaker probably didn't have the mental capacity to judge me anyway.
I still felt ashamed of my own weakness, though.
And I had a lot to think about before I did anything else.
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Oof, jeez Louise that was a painful convo to witness. (In a good way)
Cozy sure isn't going to handle living here well if that panic attack is any indication.
Does she still have the ability to fly? (I might've missed a casual "she flew ____” sentence in the past because I wasn't thinking about it until now)
Looking forward to seeing where this thought experiment goes next!
I love how Cozy simultaniously acts like a little brat and an angry philosopher at the same time. That panick attack was also very intense, it wouldn't surprise me if her defeat left her somewhat traumatized. Either that or she isn't as free from stone as it may seem.
10024506
She does indeed fly several times. The caretaker also says 'another pegasus that can fly' for this reason.
Glad to hear you're interested. This chapter is, I think, where we'll see who gets this story and who doesn't, really, so I was concerned as to how it would come across. Though I felt like I really nailed the tone I was going for.
10024512
"A little brat and an angry philosopher at the same time", oh my god, what a perfect description of what I was going for.
The panic attack was based off of one I had, though I actually toned it down for the story a bit. Mine was likely tied into medical issues I had at that time (living conditions, nutrition), as well as trauma.
Magic that died... who did that happen? Could it be that the endless peace in Equestria that killed the magic? I mean they're lived in peace for so long, danger and disasters died and they lost they're reason to survive. Friendship cost the future of Equestria. Perhaps that scene in the season 7 finale is the reason, not the lack of Twilight and her friends.
my theory for how this happened:
Fluttershy died of old age, discord bailed on equestria so the balance between order and chaos went out of sync which recoiled hard onto the land. A magical artifact bond itself to Cozy glow for some reason which I'm guessing takes the place of a stallion.
I find it funny because I read this chapter and I immediately sped off to find a pithy Ayn Rand quote to tag onto this argument because her ideas seemed thematically on point for this debate, but alas, I could not find one on the nose enough to warrant it. Honestly, both sides have shades of her positions, with Cozy up-taking her thesis that rampant exploitation of others degrades society and renders any gains null ultimately provoking a kind of materialistic karma, whereas the caretaker has shades of her position that the tyrant who rules to maintain his own power is as much as slave as his victims, forced into a Sisyphean effort of maintaining his power against the inexorable reality that he is just a very gaudy bandit.
Angry philosophers indeed, as asdtroi put it.
Aside from that bit of intellectual pattern matching, I found it interesting that Cozy struggles so deeply with trying to differentiate her desires with what's before her. She clearly feels a difference but cannot articulate it, and I find that surprising. She had to know she would cause chaos and misery, but perhaps she didn't realize it would or could get this bad and is now trying to intellectually outrun the inevitable self-hatred.
Heh, it's almost like she's been forced to look into a mirror.
This chapter makes me realize Cozy Glow is kind of like an anti-version of Machiavelli. Both cynical and pragmatic at times, but Cozy believes one must do whatever it takes to be loved, rather than feared.
10025277
This quote is almost unbearably ironic in retrospect.
10025317
Pretty much. Good connection!
Hm. I'd raise "glory" as a potential point to having power and being loved. "Gaze upon my magnificence, upon the multitudes that thrive by my power and will, and then bow to me and know I am great." Glory may be found through pure martial oppression, but even more in the cheers of one's subjects. It's also not found in purely covert power; subterfuge may be used to build up a base, but glory isn't gained until people know who's ruling them. (Or are convinced. It's also possible to have a bright but thin layer of glory over little actual power, though that is of course fragile.)
A number of versions (not all, of course) of Nightmare Moon can be interpreted as having glory as their objective; if her subjects don't love her/her night, whatever power she has is either a failure or an ongoing means to a not-yet-obtained end.
Then again, even though that's a potential motivation, perhaps it isn't behind Cozy Glow's actions here.
That's great, actually. I was thinking that even for Big Dick Queen it'd suck living in the bad future but this is perfect - far as she can see all is well! Or Weller noigh to pretend. Potent imagery.
I also like the panic attack. Well, 'like', I think its done well and appropriate. Particularly the fear of turning to stone again. Who wouldn't find that an unpleasant experience?
I can't help getting the feeling that something about this place isn't quite real. It's almost as if it is tailor-made to challenge Cozy Glow's moral stances and past villainous aspirations. Or maybe this is all in her mind while she's still encased in stone.
Though of course there is the likelihood that this is the future and where Equestria has ended up. If this is the case, this reminds me a bit of the movie "The Time Machine" starring Rod Taylor. In the future in this movie, it's like mankind has forgotten all about its technological advances and acquired knowledge, as the human population that remains there are simple-minded. This version of Equestria similarly seems to have forgotten about its own past and the loss of magic doesn't help things. Curious where this is going and where Cozy is going to end up, both physically and mentally.
Yayyy
Ah, yes, that was my question. And I see we get an answer.
…I’m imagining pegasus splatters everywhere.
It was at this point, I realized, gone is the cartoony silliness of the previous two stories. Completely.
You know, it occurs to me that a Cozy, even a villain Cozy, would be better than the situation this place is currently in. At least she encourages ponies to work together.
Thank you for the rant, Cozy. I appreciate it.
C’mon cozy. Get those megalomaniacal gears turning. VIVA LA REVOLUTION.
I’m still hoping for a Cozy REVOLUTION. Prove that your ideas are better. Screw this guy.
-GM, master of Revolutions.
Cozy Glow made all the sense and had her arguments deconstructed almost effortlessly by the Caretaker. Brilliant. Ominous ending here, though.
Well, I can sympathize. Not sure what the goals I have lead to either.
Is Cozy angry because she nothing in this pathetic world worth governing, or is she seeing her own selfishness thrown back in her face.
10025317
Slight correction, Machiavelli said that the best thing was to be BOTH loved AND feared. He only said that fear was better than love if you found yourself in a situation where you HAD to choose between having one OR the other.
Three chapters in and I’m already hooked. I’ve only read a handful of Cozy reformation stories, and all the best ones hit her personality straight on the head (like you do), but I don’t think a lot of them really hit hard with the setting of the story. Cozy isn’t experiencing friendship and realizing it’s all she ever wanted (with a handful of relapses), she’s being shown a broken world without friendship to make her realize how much it meant to her in the first place. It’s really unique—and I feel Cozy falling into a panic attack is exactly what anypony from G4 would do in this situation—which is why I like it so much.
Cozy Glow’s a pony, and the deep disconnect she feels between what she should be thinking as an intellectual schemer and what she is thinking as a pony whose world has practically disappeared is really interesting to read. It helps that the writing, like in this scene, is marvelous.
10976849
Damn, thank you for your well-considered comment. This is pretty much what I was going for – I felt I could show a lot more about the world of FIM in general, and Cozy in particular, by simply contrasting it than I could by having characters talk about it endlessly.
Were this inspired by Idiocracy I see that Cosy is the only pony with drive and knowledge to make Equestria great again just like Joe Bauers having the highest IQ in the world.
And she know more about friendship even though skewed it may be.
Not unless you count cyanide.