The Mirror

by SoloBrony

Study

"Was your visit with the queen illuminating?"

I sighed as I hung up my coat and flew over to the chair opposite the caretaker. The study really was a comfortable place with a fire going like it had right now. Didn't do a lot to help how I felt, though.

"Yeah, I guess so. Turns out she's just as miserable as everypony else."

The caretaker nodded as he tapped his hoof to his tongue and turned a page in his book, squinting at it through those little readers on the end of his nose. "A sucker's game, as I said."

"Don't call her that."

The caretaker looked up from his book to see the stern look I was giving him, and he gently closed his book.

"Oh? My apologies, I did not realize she had earned your respect."

"Yeah, well... she did. I was wrong about her."

I scuffed a hoof on my chair, and focused on the threads because I didn't want to look at him while I admitted my mistake. He hummed in consideration before responding.

"I see. Well, perhaps I was, as well, then. Everypony makes mistakes, after all. Though I am surprised to hear you say so."

I grunted angrily and looked back up at him. "Yeah? Well I'm just a little filly, okay? I know I did a lot of big stuff and all, but that doesn't mean I've got everything all figured out entirely already, okay?!"

He lifted a placating hoof, and I saw his eyebrows knit in concern. I realized he was worried about me having another panic attack, and I forced my irritation down. There was no point yelling at him anyway.

"Cozy, I know that. But given all the vigor with which you pursued your plans, I figured you had your goals clearly planned out, is all."

"I thought I did too! But like, that's the way not knowing stuff works, right? You don't know you don't know it, I mean, necessarily."

The caretaker hummed, and nodded. "I do suppose they say wisdom is being aware of your own ignorance for that reason. So, then, what have you discovered you didn't understand?"

I shook my head, sighing miserably. "I don't even know, exactly! It's just... I feel like everything is a lot more complicated than before. It seemed so simple: Power is good, friendship is power, get lots of friends and take over! Then everypony loves you and you get whatever you want. What could be better?"

The caretaker tapped his chin in thought. "I suppose that does make sense. But power is only good if you want to do something with it."

I pointed a hoof at him, my eyes widening. "Yes! That's part of what I figured out! I-I mean, power is kind-of good on its own, since you can use it to get what you want or stop ponies from hurting you, but power like that comes with responsibility, so if you don't have any clear goal in mind it just becomes a problem."

"And her position doesn't come with the 'everypony loves you' part you seem so adamant about."

I nodded at that, blushing self-consciously and glancing away. "Yeah... well, that's... that's sorta the main thing, I guess."

One of the caretaker's eyebrows rose up again. "Oh. I hadn't realized."

I groaned. "Look, don't rub it in, okay?! I just—who doesn't like being adored, right?! Get off of my case!"

The caretaker blinked a bit, leaning back at my outburst. "Cozy, I didn't mean to imply something was wrong with it. I was just surprised. You attended Twilight Sparkle's school of friendship, didn't you? As I understand it, you had friends all across the school before your attempt to seize power. I suppose I just assumed they were a means to an end."

"Well, yeah! A means to get even more friends! Who has more friends than the princesses?! I mean, Twilight and Celestia had all of Equestria wrapped around their hooves!"

The caretaker's brow knit and he frowned slightly in confusion. "But with that many friends, you'd hardly know them all yourself. And they'd hardly know you – and not the real you at all. Ah, is this a matter of popularity, rather than friendship?"

I stammered at that, turning even more red. "Uh, I! I-I dunno, maybe it's both?! I mean, both are good, right?! What's wrong with wanting it all?! Twilight had it all! Power! Authority! Friendship! Popularity! And she got there through friendship, same way I was!"

The caretaker stared at me for several long seconds before replying.

"Well, I can certainly see your position, but Princess Twilight acquired her position and following through sincerity and heroism, didn't she? It seems like you were more on-track for that before you betrayed Equestria."

I thought back to the incident with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and my somewhat-fumbling attempt to ingratiate myself to all of them while I was still getting the hang of friendship and manipulation. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks and leaned back in my chair, folding my forehooves.

"... Yeah, maybe, I guess. I just thought my way would be faster, and better."

The caretaker shrugged. "I suppose, though real friendship is a two-way relationship, so given that you didn't care at all, I suppose—"

I snapped up at that. "Hey! That's... that's not true!"

The caretaker recoiled in actual, open shock at that. "It isn't?! Er, I mean, sorry, I just assumed—"

"Well don't! I actually needed help with my friendship exams, because hello, devious villain here, not talented at friendship, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders helped me! I actually liked having them around! I totally bungled my first attempt at helping them until Starlight just randomly told me they weren't attending because they should be teaching! I didn't know that – well, I mean, I did know that, but I didn't know that she knew that, or that they'd be sensible enough to actually let them teach there. I thought I was actually doing something nice for them! Like I'd learned about! And I did, in the end!"

The caretaker stared at me, deadpan. "I have no idea who you're talking about."

I groaned. "It's not important, I guess. But you can't just go and say all of my friendships were totally fake like that."

The caretaker hummed as he frowned and knitted his brow again, glancing up at one of the bookshelves and making a few gestures with a hoof like he was trying to fit a broken puzzle together.

"But you stabbed everypony in the back, didn't you? If you actually cared about them, then why would you do that? Or how could you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Jeez, ease off, would ya?! I decided I wouldn't let any of that get in the way of my plans!"

"So, what, your heart was just filled with anguish while you booted the counselor into a magical vortex and sent the students on a field-trip that nearly dropped them to their deaths?"

I recoiled at that, shuddering. "H-hey, that's not – that's not fair. I didn't know that would happen."

The caretaker's jaw slackened. "You... didn't realize wiping out magic would make them fall?"

"I didn't think it through, okay?! It was..."

I snapped my mouth shut and my eyes went wide, and I cringed, waiting for the caretaker to fill in the blank.

But he didn't. He just watched me, curiously, waiting for me to go on.

I didn't want to. But I finally did.

"... It was stupid. I was stupid."

I hung my head and felt a wave of revulsion go through me. I wasn't supposed to be the stupid pony; everypony else was stupid.

"Well, that doesn't seem quite fair. After all, for all that your plan lacked a clearly-considered goal or consequences, you still did an excellent job of outmaneuvering Twilight and her friends. Better than any other villain they faced. I'd hardly call that stupid."

I perked up at that, and I found myself giggling slightly at the praise.

Praise! For me! For my villainy! That was a new one.

"Well, thanks, sir. I've always been good at predicting how ponies would try to block or counter my strategies. It's how I got my mark, see?"

I lifted my rump enough he could see my cutie mark over the arms of the chair, and he nodded.

"So I see."

"But..." I sank back down. "I still almost caused a really bad disaster, and even if that part had worked, the rest of my plan totally failed. The students had figured me out, warned Celestia and Luna, and the rest of the school was turning on me. I gave up all of my friendships and all of the trust I'd put together and traded it for a year in Tartarus."

"Perhaps," said the caretaker, leaning back and studying me, "but everypony makes mistakes. What makes a pony stupid is that they don't learn from their mistakes."

I shot out of my chair and flew above it, pointing an accusatory hoof at him. "Are you trying to say I need to reform?! Is that what this is all about?"

The caretaker just gave me that dumb deadpan look of his. "I'm saying you should figure out what you did wrong and work on that. So you tell me."

I sank slowly back down to my chair, eyeing him suspiciously. But when I really got to thinking about it...

"Maybe... I don't know! I mean, I guess I could try being reformed, but with what?! The ponies here are awful; I wouldn't want to be their friends anyway. And... I don't even really know where to start, or if 'reforming'," I made little air-quotes with my hooves, "is for me anyway. Like, do I have to sing dumb songs with ponies about how I'm starting over? Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick."

I retched and pointed a hoof into my mouth for dramatic effect, and I got the tiniest smirk for my efforts.

Score.

"Well, I'm no expert on the topic. I'll try to support you whichever route you choose. But I'd say you can leave the singing alone if you wish."

"Good. I prefer villain songs anyway; they're always way more catchy."

The caretaker considered that. "You know, I think you might be right."

I giggled a little at that and fluttered my wings. There really was something nice about this; it almost reminded me of my time with Tirek and Chrysalis, but without the constant anxiety that one of them would snap and try to kill us all, or the constant need to prove myself, or the condescension...

"You know... thanks for this. It's nice to be able to be myself with somepony without worrying about it. To just admit most ponies are stupid about some stuff, to admit I hate a lot of stuff other ponies like – like the big dumb songs – and not feel like I'm opening up some vulnerability for somepony to attack."

"Did ponies give you trouble over that kind of thing?"

I thought back to the time before Twilight's school, and cringed. "I don't like talking about it. I got away from all of the ponies I knew before the school for a reason."

The caretaker nodded slowly. "Learned young to cover up who you are."

I studied the rug under our chairs for a while. "Yeah. Pretty much."

"Well, you're always free to be honest with me, Cozy. And since you were wondering where to go next, perhaps you could try becoming friends with the queen? It sounds like you two have a bit of a rapport, after all."

I snorted. "She's just lonely, and using me to fill that gap."

"Maybe. Or you could look at it like this; you don't seem to think she's stupid, and she doesn't seem to think you're going to stab her in the back, and you're both lonely. It may not exactly be a high bar, but if you two got along, I figure there must be a little more to it than a warm body."

I thought back to a few of the jokes we had traded over lunch. It had been nice...

"Yeah. I guess you're right. I guess maybe I'll try that."

"Well, best of luck. Do let me know if you decide you need assistance usurping her, or whatever you cook up."

I rolled my eyes and hopped off of my chair.

"What would even be the point?"

But... I really don't want to see her get hurt any more. She just seems so scared... even more lost than I am.

I thought about that as I went up to my room and got a good book to get my mind off of things.

Author's Note:

Is there a treatment for 'shitty friends' disease?

Comments

[asdtroi8895]

Cozy trying to reform herself... At least she already has two friends who could help her.

[Nyronus]

Ah, to feel safe and known at the same time. A wonderful drug, that.

This chapter was surprisingly uplifting.

[Cackling Moron]

I grunted angrily and looked back up at him. "Yeah? Well I'm just a little filly, okay? I know I did a lot of big stuff and all, but that doesn't mean I've got everything all figured out entirely already, okay?!"

I do enjoy occasional reminders that for all her skill at schemery she remains a child, lacking in life experience. A crucial weakness, you'd think, for a manipulator - she did well!

[MathBrony173]

Just had a random question: how is Pluteia pronounced as you see it. I've been reading it as Ploo-tay-uh.

[SoloBrony]

10041029
You were correct. As in Plutus.

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

Is there a treatment for 'shitty friends' disease?

Well, sometimes you just have to cut the friend out of your life if it's too bad. I've had to do it more than once.

[GMBlackjack]

"I thought I did too! But like, that's the way not knowing stuff works, right? You don't know you don't know it, I mean, necessarily."

“He who knows the most knows that he knows nothing.” -Aristotle. Paraphrased. Probably.

"Well don't! I actually needed help with my friendship exams, because hello, devious villain here, not talented at friendship,

The self-awareness is off the charts and I’m loving every minute of this. Not because it’s funny. But because it’s meaningful.

"Good. I prefer villain songs anyway; they're always way more catchy."

The caretaker considered that. "You know, I think you might be right."

TRUTH. PREACH IT, BROTHERS.

-GM, master of this is an excellent story.