You wake up at night try’s to fall back asleep. When I get way to many thoughts in your head. so you decided to see if Twilight awake.
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- Member Since 22nd May, 2016
- offline last seen April 9th
Frasse
I’m just a random Swede that goes around reading fanfics and write some when I feel like it
Frasse
Joined 22nd May, 2016 ·
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The premise is interesting, and I was able to grasp most of the ideas you were conveying.
Your spelling isn't that bad, either. Most of your spelling issues are a case of adding unnecessary "S"'s on the end of words you're using, such as:
The ones in red should not be there.
There are also a few words which are spelled correctly, but are the wrong words for the sentence, like:
Should be "where". Ware is a generic term for material goods.
Should be "put"; also present in the first quote. Pot is either a cooking implement, or a street name for marijuana, depending on context.
Should be "wraps". Rap is either an archaic synonym for knocking, or a genre of music, depending on context.
There were also punctuation errors, and no capitalization where there should be capitalization throughout.
The issue with capitalization can be summed up with:
Places and people should always, under all circumstances be capitalized. You adhered to this for the most part, so it's just a case of doing a little more of what you're already doing.
The issue with punctuation is a little more complicated. Two of the most persistent errors were unnecessary periods, and periods where there should be commas ( , ). There seem to be absolutely no commas anywhere in this chapter. I don't know if they're a part of Swedish punctuation or not, or if your keyboard even has a comma key, but the lack of them in an English work is a serious issue.
To explain this, and some of the other punctuation issues, let's dissect the first paragraph:
The parenthesis () at the beginning mark problems with periods. The full parenthesized area (.) should have no period, and the empty parentheses () should have a period. From what I can tell, this seems to be less of an issue with your understanding of English, and more of a simple mistake. Nonetheless, it helps to pay attention.
The empty braces {} all mark areas where you should have a comma. Commas are used to regulate the flow of a stentence. In the second sentence, you list off things that Anon is doing. When you make a list of things that people do, each item should, in most cases, be seperated with commas. A good rule to follow is that when you're changing the focus of a sentence, without ending the thought, you should use a comma. It's not a perfect rule by any means, but you'll be right about ninety percent of the time. I apologize if this isn't a very clear explanation, but a full explanation would involve going into different schools of style, which is way too advanced for someone who is still learning the basics of English.
The entire space within the brackets [ ] should either be italisized, or flanked with single quotes ( ' ). The sentences in the brackets are Anon's internal dialogue, and should be marked similarly to how you mark dialogue between two or more people. However, they shouldn't be marked with standard quotes ( " ), as this could cause some confusion for the readers.
This should, for the most part, cover all the basic errors. There are other issues as well, but they involve more complicated or obscure aspects of English grammar and punctuation. One strong point worth noting is your use of formatting. Most lines of dialogue are in their own paragraphs, and you seem to have a good understanding of paragraph structure. This is something I've seen native writers struggle with, so you should be proud of that.
I hope that my long, ranting post can be of some assistance to you. The major takeaway should be to study up a little bit on grammar and punctuation, and to seek help from an editor for works you intend to publish. An editor will be able to work on the more subtle grammar mistakes I haven't mentioned, so that you won't have to worry about every little thing when publishing a work like this. There are many kind people here who will be more than glad to help you along.
10000700 Thanks for your help i haven’t used. , and ( sense I got done with school so I don’t really know where to put them in