Fallout Equestria: Our Will (rewrite)

by AngryPenguin

Chapter 29: Weary

"To the world that was, mankind shall never see its like again."

Death. It was a large part of life. It took away from us. It ended our suffering. Was it a good or bad thing? The few seconds I saw Gladys mourn over Blast should have been a bad thing. Copper Pot dying, though I barely knew him, should have been a bad thing. It should have made me hate the wasteland. I did hate it. Their families had to suffer from it. Death didn't think about how I would feel when it took Wick and Chaser. Even though I hated it, I still used it to defeat the raiders. Even the ones back near Gladys' barn. I took their lives. What did it solve, though? Was it even something they deserved? Nico tried to tell me it was their fault. It may have been true, but I had no right to take away their choice. If even one of them were contemplating their life, maybe they could have changed. It didn't matter, though. They were dead. I showed no mercy. I felt like a blood thirsty "hero" that used the guise of "just wanting the best for Equestria". I hated how that sounded. I wasn't a hero. Once a coward, always a coward.

The hotel room felt cold. Redd had gone to find cartridges for Bob, so I was alone. I didn't sleep. I couldn't seem to drift off. Probably because I didn't deserve to rest. Copper Pot and Blast were dead. They died in a battle that wasn't even close to the hell we were all about to face. If we were losing some, already, how were we going to fare when Blight showed up? I cried for them. For their families. Every tear that leaked down my cheeks were for the ones were probably going to lose.

I rubbed my belly, to bring myself a little bit of comfort. "At least you're okay."

Redd had insisted we stop by Fleece's clinic to check on the foal. Everything was okay, but I had lost a lot of blood. I was a few drops away from needing a transfusion. I doubted Nico would have helped me out, there. There was no way I could blame him, but I still stuck with the belief that I slaughtered ponies who didn't even get a chance in life. It was funny. I went from "revenge-driven" to "empathetic" towards raiders. Maybe I was bipolar, too.

The sleeping jagged back lay on the floor next to the bed. Redd had put Rocky in charge of watching me, I guess. He wasn't doing a very good job. He had been staying in Fleece's clinic, away from the large crowds. He finally decided to follow Redd into the Beacon. We got some looks, but nopony said anything. I sighed, gently patting the animal on his armored head. "Rocky, I'm glad you missed that fight. You should probably hide when it's time for the next one, too."

-hrrrrrrrkkkk- He snored. Heavy sleeper.

I finally just got up from the bed and limped to the yellowed window. Dusk had settled over the town. The cloud curtain had almost become smooth. Everything looked normal. They weren't panicking or crying over the loss of lives just outside of their peaceful town. A few were off burying the dead. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Gladys sitting outside of Ma's store. Her forlorn stare made my heart ache even more. The other griffons gathered around her, their heads bowed.

"Why, Luna? Celestia... Why?" I put my hoof on the glass. "I'm so sorry, Gladys."

"She knew the risks, you know." I heard Violet as she came into the room. She stopped to scratch Rocky behind the ears.

I sighed. "Blast is gone. Along with a security guard and forty raiders."

The green mare stepped next to me, sharing my view outside. "Nico is an asshole. He shouldn't have said it that way, but he is right. They had a choice." Her wing pulled me closer to her. "You said it yourself: There's always a better way. They don't have to choose the life of a raider, but they do."

"It still doesn't make it right. Look at what it cost." I glanced back down to Gladys. "I bet she's angry."

Violet shook her head. "I spoke with her before I came up here. She's hurting, but not angry. I think Gladys followed you into that fight because she wanted to believe there were more good folks out there. You're one of the good ones. A true-"

"If you say 'hero', I'm going to duct tape your mouth shut." I glared.

She chuckled. "I'm flattered, Babe. But you are my best friend and plus, you belong to Redd now. Sorry to turn you down." She winked.

I kept my smile hidden. That dirty joke didn't really help, that much.

"Gladys had Blast buried just outside of town. It was a quick funeral, but I think Gladys was glad that they were able to lay her to rest somewhere nicer than the rest of the wastes." Violet said.

"Good." I was somewhat comforted by that. "Copper Pot?"

"Same for him."

I nodded. I wanted to ask about his family, but it just wasn't my business.

I sighed. "Violet, do you think I should talk to Nico, now?"

She shrugged. "Who knows? If it were me, I would let him think about it for a while. At least let him cool off. He and Pepper went back to his place for the rest of the evening, anyway. Unless you want to make that trip, then just wait a while."

"I guess you're right." I groaned. "I need a drink."

Violet pulled a bottle of Wild Pegasus from somewhere. "Yes, we do!"

My mouth watered. I didn't know her pockets could hold something like that. I would have drank that entire bottle if I could. Some things might not have been frowned upon in the wasteland, but I was going to draw the line, there. I didn't want to risk any harm to my foal. I quickly took my eyes off the beautiful, amber drink. "I would absolutely love to get wasted with you, Vi, but Fleece told me not to drink. Injuries, you know." I pointed to my shoulder. The potion had healed it, but my fur hadn't grew back completely, yet. It still felt a little tender.

She mock-pouted. "Aw. No fun." She took several swigs from the bottle before she put it back in her bag. "Well, is there anything you need?"

I half smiled, pointing to the stale sandwich on the table. "Nah. Unless you have cake, I think I'm set for the night."

She ruffled my mane. "Sorry, kid. You got the last piece yesterday. They won't have anymore until their trading caravan comes back through."

I pushed her hoof away. "Hey!"

The pegasus stretched her wings and flapped a few times. "Well, I think I'd better hit the hay. If you need me, I'm in the room right next door." She hovered, lazily towards the door.

"Alright, Vi. Good night. And thank you."

She smiled. Just as she exited the room, I realized something. "Hold on! That's Gladys' room!" I called after her.

"Yep!" She called behind the door.

I facehooved. Maybe Gladys needs her, tonight.

I finally yawned, feeling better than I had for the past few hours. My hooves dragged back to the bed as I adjusted the flat pillow. Just as I was taking off my armor, the door gently opened. The red-maned stallion peaked in. "Sia? Shouldn't you be asleep?" He trotted in, putting four gem cartridges in my saddle bag.

I shrugged. "I was busy pitying myself, I guess. Violet had to give me a pep talk. I'm fine, now, though. I can finally sleep, I think."

He nodded. "Alright, well... These should last a while. I guess I'll see you in the morning."

As he was about to leave, I sighed. "Redd."

"Yes?" He quickly looked back in.

"Where are you going?"

"Er... I'm not really sure."

I laughed, patting the bed next to me. "Do you not want to keep me warm, tonight?"

His dumbfound expression almost had me rolling.

"Come on. I'm pregnant with your foal. We are mates, remember?"

He grinned, sheepishly. "I figured you would sleep better without me, here."

I shook my head. "I need some company."

The door closed behind him as he happily trotted over to me. He took is rifles off and placed them on the floor.

"Gonna sleep in your barding?" I asked, my intentions definitely turning evil.

If smiles could bring the sunlight back, his definitely would have. It was too cute! I watched (with interest) as he slipped out of his armor and the inner layers. Chills went down my spine when I saw his muscles.

Eh. Who needs sleep?

He climbed under the blanket, getting close to me. His warmth was intoxicating. I lay my head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. The bitter cold that Equestria delivered, faded. I felt so safe. The strong foreleg around my waist made it even better. After a few seconds of that, I reached up and kissed him, slowly. He didn't object, returning the gesture.

"I love you." My mouth said.

He kissed my forehead. "Words couldn't describe how in love with you I am."

My cheeks warmed, slightly.

"Are you tired?" I purred, caressing the base of his wing.

He let out a little groan. "Not in the slightest."

"Maybe we should... make ourselves tired." I teased.

I didn't hear a reply, but the small kisses going down my neck and collar bone told all. My own wings flared as he started to nibble beneath my ear. The tangle of limbs in the small bed made for a good work of art. The kissing continued upwards back to my lips. I slowly made my way to his ear, taking in his aroma and gently biting it. My hoof traced his chest and stomach. I savored every muscle until-

Yep! Still there!

"Someone is happy..." I whispered.

Redd chuckled. Ugh, so sexy. "The company of my attractive marefriend helps."

I kissed him, again, using more passion.

He pulled away, suddenly changing the mood. "Sia, I don't want to hurt you."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't do that. I'm a big girl."

"But, the baby-"

"Will be fine." For added measure, I reached down and stroked him. He moaned.

That's what I thought!

I climbed on top of him, llifting my tail. "Come on, Seargent."

He bit his lip. "Just let me know if you need to stop."

"Oh, don't say- Oh, goddesses!"

Luna, if this is what heaven is like, just kill me now!

The great thing about that night, was that I could remember it. And remember, I did! Though, the back of my brain held a thick chain that surrounded my heart. I enjoyed it, (believe me!) but I was being antagonized by my own thoughts. I was sure that it was too soon. It didn't hurt, but there was still the twinge in my chest that made it uncomfortable for a few seconds, until it finally melted away. After Nail Bit, it was hard to want anything near me. For a while, I thought something might have been wrong with me. Was it weird that I didn't hesitate? Should I have even pulled him into it? After all, I wanted the sex, too. What if he thought I was "easy" or something? I should have been scared. I should have been hurting from the previous trauma. Instead, I felt numb to it. Not the sex with Redd, but... I could actually put what that raider did to me in the past. I was happy for it, but my reasoning also made me uncomfortable. Was I... damaged?

I had changed. No, my mental health had deteriorated. Maybe, Blight had put my psyche through so much strife I was desensitized. It occurred to me that my future would only be worse. Secretly, I worried that I would go down a self-destructive path. Would I eventually start to rely on alcohol just to extinguish the fear? What about drugs? Would I...? What I wouldn't give for my therapist to have been brought to the wasteland with me. I doubted she could even do anything about me, now.

Those questions and fears didn't come until after Redd and I fell onto the bed, sweating and huffing. The low blood count had my heart racing more than usual, but it was totally worth it! To be honest, that was the most amazing thirty minutes of my life! It was what I needed. Like Violet had hopefully did for Gladys, Redd had done for me. He took my mind off the horrors of the day.

I snuggled as closely to him as I could. The great thing about pegasi is that our wings add to our embraces. So basically: Double the hugs! My tail intertwined with his back leg. I yawned and closed my eyes. I hadn't felt this way in... well I had never felt that way. I grinned ear to ear as his fur tickled my nose.

I hope I dream about that, tonight.

I couldn't tell how long I had slept. It definitely wasn't more than a couple of hours. A bang on the door, almost made me fall off of the bed. Redd was already up and putting his armor and rifles on. I did the same, awkwardly tangling my hoof in my barding. The door flew open before I could even greet whoever was knocking.

"Sia, I have some bad news." Violet picked up my gun and threw it to me in a rush. She was visibly shaken. I could see the bags under her eyes. Did any of us get any sleep?

"What is it?" I asked, worried.

"One of the griffons, Glidia, was scouting around outside of town and she spotted a lot of commotion at Blossom Farms. She thinks it's the majority of Hope's coven that joined Blight. She didn't see any weird machines, but I don't doubt she's there. She said it looked like they were getting ready to head this way in a few hours at most." Violet spoke so fast, it took me a few seconds to process the information.

"How long have they been there?" Redd asked her.

"I don't know. Glidia told me they've been there long enough to settle in, but surely Blight wouldn't care enough to let them get a good night's sleep before making them fight." She told him.

"Shit..." I swallowed. Blossom Farms wasn't that far away from Floater. It was even closer to-

Oh, no!

"What if they've spotted Nico's house?!" Adrenaline shot through my veins, forcing my heart and wings to pump at the same speed. I barreled out the door, into the hall.

Violet was already flying after me. "Wait!"

I ignored her, zooming to an open window in the hall. I closed my wings to get through, barely fitting. Once I was out, though, I flew into the air as high as I could get. I kept trying to tell myself that my fears were irrational.

Blight hasn't left yet. She doesn't even know they're there. He's fine. Pepper's fine. They are fine.

But, what if she sent some of the Coven to look around nearby buildings?

"Please... Please, be okay..." Tears stung my, already swollen, eyes. They had to be okay...

I flew through the low hanging cirrus clouds for cover. I zoomed over the damp ground, the dead brush blurring as it passed under me. Was I really worrying for no reason? Glidia would have said something if they had taken over Nico's place. I grit my teeth. What if she didn't know? What if they snuck in and killed Pepper and Nico while they were sleeping?

No, no, no, no, no, no!

I grabbed my head in my hooves, trying to crush those images. I grunted. My shoulder was getting weaker, but I didn't care. I wouldn't forgive myself for slowing down. I must have been flying pretty fast, because before I knew it his house came into view. The old, two-story abode quickly grew as I got closer. No smoke or flames. It was a good sign. Still, knowing Blight, she wouldn't have made it so obvious. My heart barely calmed while I slowed to a glide. The front door wasn't even disturbed. It was the same white, chipped paint as always.

I slammed the door open. I looked around. It was dark, save for the fireplace. I was about to go upstairs, until I saw the silhouette of a pony. A unicorn. I didn't really think about whether it was Pepper or Nico. Instead, I galloped over and ran into them, wrapping my hooves around the body.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" I sobbed. That scent. I knew that scent. I hoped he wasn't still angry with me.

"S-Sia?" Nico was startled. "What are you doing here?"

I squeezed harder. "I thought Blight- I thought..."

His hooves covered my back. "Blight?"

"She's at Blossom Farms!" I told him, urgently. "I thought she had found out you were here. I-I was worried about you both!"

His eyes widened. "N-no, we're fine. We need to go, though. I'll go wake Pepper."

The door creaked open. My head swung around just in time to see Redd hovering in the doorway. I couldn't read his expression. I let go of Nico, realizing my mistake. He snorted, dropping his eyes. "We followed you to make sure you were okay." Redd turned to leave.

"Redd, wait!" I tried to catch him, but he was already gone.

My head fell in my hooves. I heard a second pair of wings at the door. It was Violet.

"What's with him?" She nodded her head towards Redd, who was already flying towards Floater.

"A misunderstanding." I said, quietly. Then, I turned towards Nico. "Get Pepper and come to Floater, the sooner the better. You need to leave within the next hour, though. I don't want to risk Blight finding out you live here. Stay hidden."

I trotted towards Violet, the adrenaline wearing off. The dizziness was coming back. I was tired, weak, hungry, and sore. She headed back out the door, waiting for me.

Right before I unfolded my wings, Nico spoke. "Are you alright? You don't look so good."

I nodded. "I'm fine. More or less."

He let out a breath. "I'm sorry for what I said. I still think you're wrong, but I really am sorry, SIa."

That was a small relief. I gave him a solemn grin before following Violet outside. She waited above, her hooves crossed. I joined her in the sky.

"Jeez, I hate to be you." She chuckled. "I knew Redd had some jealousy issues, but I didn't think it was that bad."

I facehooved. "Vi, it's not even like that. I love Redd. We... are closer than you think."

Aren't we?

"You should be. It was hard for Gladys and I to get any sleep last night." She nudged me. "I guess one time wasn't enough, eh?"

I blushed. "W-Well..."

"If you keep this up, we are gonna have a little Redd or Sia Junior running around." She laughed.

The color drained from my face. If only you knew, Vi.

I faked a laugh. "Yeah, wouldn't that be something?"

She maneuvered around to look at my face. "You don't look so good. Should we land?"

I shook my head. "Nah. I'm just exhausted. I don't think I've slept that well for two days."

"Are you sure? You look pale." She pointed out.

I deadpanned. "My coat is white."

The entire way back, I had to fight to stay aloft. The many things on my mind didn't help, either. I was stressed, tired, hurting, and pregnant with a foal who shouldn't have been aged this quickly. It was too much. I shouldn't have been able to get ready for an all out war. The distant town in my view seemed more distant the closer we got. Did they build more houses since we left? I'm not ready. I don't have the strength. The Beacon was moving. I can't do it. This is it. I failed before it even began. Stars began to swim in my vision. So many lives are at stake, and there's nothing I can do to protect them. My body had pretty much given up. Violet's conversations were muffled as I struggled to keep my attention. Were my wings even flapping in sync, anymore? I couldn't tell. The breeze blew stronger than it had been. I was beginning to feel cold.

"Hey, hey! Hold on!" I heard Violet yell above me.

She was getting smaller, too. Was I falling? I felt fine. I was fine.

Warmth. The sun beamed down on my hide. It was so comfortable. A soft breeze caressed my feathers. I sat with my legs folded under me in the backyard of my foalhood home. My three children played with their father as I watched. Redd was teaching our youngest how to fly. I beamed with pride. He always wanted our foals to be great fliers. Cold lemonade sat next to me. I took a sip. The refreshing drink was fresh and delicious! Just like my grandmother made for me, when I was a filly.

"Dad, look at me!" A foal's voice called. He was the second youngest. The oldest, a filly, laughed at the ridiculous face he made.

Redd chuckled. "You know, I'm trying to teach your brother some aerial moves. Don't be too distracting, alright?" He rubbed his mane.

I giggled. I was at peace. Finally, everything was okay.

"I see you're having a good dream, for once. I'm glad." A voice said, next to me.

I sighed happily. "Yeah. It's nice."

Rarity shared my gaze towards my family. "I envy you. I never had a family. Sure, I had Sweetie Belle and my friends, but it just wasn't the same. I always had the dream of meeting a stallion and settling down. Too bad the stallions I was interested in turned out to be... less than pleasant."

I chuckled. "I guess I'm lucky."

She smiled, drinking from her own glass of lemonade. I hadn't noticed she adorned a hat and sunglasses. "I miss these days. Back when Equestria was simpler. Before the ministries. Before the war. Before..." She stopped. I noticed the sadness in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Rarity." I looked down. "I don't know much about the days before the Great War. I assumed everything was amazing before you were burdened with the ministries."

"That is an understatement." She laughed.

We watched the foals buzz around for a few minutes more. The oldest tried to wrestle with her dad, who pretended to lose. "Gotcha!" She yelled in triumph. Redd faked his defeat with such drama, it made a soap opera look like a preschool play.

Rarity smiled. "Congratulations, by the way. I sense the heartbeat of your foal. You'll be a great mother."

"So you can feel my baby? Even though it's... inside me?" I looked at her.

"Yes. She's perfectly healthy."

"She? It's... Rarity, is it a filly?!" I sat up on my haunches.

She smiled. "I think so. A part of my soul has been around for so many years. You pick up on things."

I wiped my eyes. A filly? I was going to have a filly! "So my dream-"

"Don't think too much about it." The white unicorn put a hoof on my shoulder, lovingly. "You have a battle to win, after all."

I looked back at my family. The smile grew on my face. "Yeah, we do."

"Dad! No fair! You started the race too early!" The colt said.

Redd chuckled. "Alright, alright. One more and this time, I won't cheat. Ready? One... Two... Go!"

"You've got a while before you wake up. Moondancer is about to give you a blood transfusion." Rarity stood, about to walk away. "Enjoy this dream, Sia. You've earned it."

Before she walked away, I stopped her. "Why don't you stay? There's no reason you shouldn't enjoy the sunshine. Even if it is just a dream."

She grinned. "You know, that sounds pretty good."

---

25% to next Level Up

S- 5
P- 6
E- 7
C- 4
I- 5
A- 4
L- 5

Author's Note:

Thanks to Kkat for this amazing world!

Thank you all for reading! As always, error spotting/ constructive criticism is always welcome!

Stay safe!

-AP

P.S: Again, I want to apologize for the erratic times between chapter releases. I may post a couple over the span of a couple of days, and it may take a couple of months for the next. I like to write two or three chapters before I post, that way I can keep ahead and reread/edit when I need to. Your patience is GREATLY appreciated!