Comedic Burst of Funniness

by Lunatic God

Entropy Zero 2: I am filled with MURDEROUS INTENT

3650 awoke, flying to a sitting position, making the doctor to his right jump back with a yelp. 3650 slowly turned to look at the stallion, who managed to return to a professional stance, despite the fear clear in his eyes and his folded back ears.

“W-Welcome back to the land of the living, stranger," the pony greeted with a smile. “I'm Doctor Cross."

“3650,” the stranger replied, holding out a hand to shake, which the doctor hesitantly accepted.

“Where am I?" 3650 asked, his hand returning to his side.

“The infirmary of Princess Twilight’s Castle,” he answered. “Now please lay back down, I must finish my medical scan.”

“And what if I don't?” 3650 countered.

“Then we wouldn't know if our treatments are successfully healing you or not," the stallion informed him. “It’s almost done, so you won't have to wait long.”

After a moment of staring at the small horse, 3650 gave in, laying back down.

“Thank you." The stallion’s horn lit up, and 3650 started feeling weird, but true to Cross’ word, he was done within minutes.

“Seems like you're healing up nicely." The stallion backed up, giving 3650 room. “You may leave, but you must speak to the Princess before gaining full rights as a citizen of Equestria.”

“That's it?" 3650 asked, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “I'm free just like that? No fine print?"

“Nope! Equestria accepts all friendly creatures with open arms!” Cross stated with a smile.

“How haven't you been attacked?" 3650 asked.

“Oh we have,” Cross told him. “But that's why we have the Elements of Harmony."

“The elements of what now?"

“Six mares who exhibit the qualities of friendship.”

“That's it? No army?"

“We have one, but it's inferior to the might of the Mane Six."

“What could six little ponies do against an army?"

“A lot, actually. They defended against the surprise invasion of our capital very well."

“Super soldiers then, like me."

“Nope. Normal mares."

“This doesn't make any fucking sense. How do six horse civilians defend against a fucking invasion?”

“Easy. They used the Elements to blast all the invaders far from the city.”

“Wait, the elements are actual things and not just a name?"

“Yep! They're the same elements that froze Discord, the god of chaos, in stone twice, and banished Nightmare Moon to the moon."

“And you think they won't abuse their power?"

“Never had a reason to think that, with their history of heroics."

“So you just have some magical macguffin to kill anything too threatening?”

“Not kill. Freeze in stone."

“Right, right. The pastel kid’s show ponies who love friendship don't kill people. Got it."

“Perfect. Now, I have other appointments, so if that's all, you may leave.”

“Oh, right." 3650 hopped off the bed, walking towards the open door opposite his bed. “Thanks for the heals.”

“Anytime,” Doctor Cross replied, watching 3650 leave.

Turning right, the man stopped, suddenly face-to-face with a purple horse wearing a crown.

“Oh hey," he said, taking a step back. “Wus poppin’, Princess?"

“I was just coming to check up on you, and as I expected, you have made a full recovery."

“I can see that," he responded. “Also, that horse back there, Doctor sauce or something, said I have to talk to you first?”

“Correct!" She confirmed with a smile. “Just follow me."

“How far are we going?" he asked.

“Well, my castle’s across town–”

“Across town?!” He exclaimed. “And we're walking the whole way?! Can't I just ride you or something?”

“That depends," she asked. “How much do you weigh?”

“I dunno. I was only alive until a few days ago.”

She studied him for a moment. Her horn lit up, he was lifted off the ground a little, then dropped as her horn shut right back off.

“You can hop on once we get outside," she stated, turning and trotting off.

“Thank Breengrub," he sighed in relief, following the big horse. “I may have been sprinting non stop these last few days, but I don't know how much longer my endurance can last!”

---

“So, first things first.” She sat on one end of the friendship map, as 3650 sat on the other, his big red eye staring at her while he leaned back with crossed arms and legs. “What’s your name?”

“3650,” he answered immediately.

“I said your name,” she pressed.

“It’s 3650.” He repeated with a shrug. “I dunno what you want.”

“The first step to getting to know each other is knowing each other’s names,” she told him. “Mine is Twilight Sparkle. What’s yours?”

“...Aiden.” He finally revealed. “Aiden Walker.”

“Nice to meet you, Aiden Walker,” Twilight said. “So, let’s get to know each other.” She gestured at him. “What’s up with all that getup?”

“I’m a clone, copied from the original Aiden Walker’s murderous intent and willingness to follow the Combine after their invasion of Earth and put into a whole army of Elites.”

“Invasion?” She asked.

“Classified,” he answered, before continuing. “Anyways, the Advisor gave me my facultiiiies so that I performed better, but whoops! Another clone of me taught me the truth about the insidious Advisor and the Combine, so then I was on the run from every organic lifeform with a gun, aaand now I’m here.”

“Well, I can assure you that you’re safe from the Combine in Equestria.”

He scoffed. “If I made it here, who’s to say the Combine can’t either?”

“We can get to that later then,” she told him. “But for now, I must ask: will you continue to give into your murderous intent, or let go of your past and live a peaceful life with us?”

He sighed. “I can’t just… let go of my past. It’s why I’m… me, y’know? It’s how I learned the truth after all. And how can one hope to grow better without making mistakes?” He sighed, looking down and collecting his thoughts. “I’m born to kill. Nothing can change that. But maybe I could kill for good?”

“Well, the guard is always recruiting,” she suggested. “And with my blessing, you could protect the ponies of Equestria and hunt down bad actors.”

“You ponies are powerful, cute, and innocent.” He looked up. “You accepted me, even when I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life. It’s only fair to return the favor.”

On her face was a large smile. “Welcome to Equestria, Aiden Walker.”

Author's Note:

I hope you like the ending. It's my first time writing something like that.