Comedic Burst of Funniness

by Lunatic God

Dreams of magical Breadskates

-Part 1-

-Dreams-

of magical

-Breadskates-

Inspired by

-Jameskii-

“What is this?" Luna asked, admiring the world of creatures similar to Marine in build, inhabiting a city like Manehattan. The only difference she noticed was the floating signs that had the repeated usage of the acronyms ‘KOS’ and ‘AOS’. She assumed they had a greater meaning than what they portrayed.

“Mari-” Luna stopped as she looked at her side, noticing that Marine wasn't there.

“Marine?" She called.

“Up here, princess!" He replied. She looked up but was confused at the state of Marine, who was currently bobbing up and down in place while holding a strange and thick three-pronged device, which glowed blue.

“You can fly?" She asked before face hoofing. Of course he can, this is the dreamscape.

He chuckled. “Not in real life, unfortunately.” He said, quickly flying in front of her, before ‘deactivating’ his flight and popping down on the concrete sidewalk.

“Here, I'll take us to a place that's somewhat quiet,” Marine said.

They stood in awkward silence for a few moments.

“Umm… Marine?" Luna asked, curiosity plain on her face.

“One second." He responded.

“What are you doing?" She asked, staring at the strange device. “And what is that?"

As soon as she has asked that, Marine disappeared without a trace.

“Did I offend him in some way?" Luna asked herself before she was teleported back in front of Marine.

“Where are we now?” She asked, looking around.

“It's the admin room," Marine asked simply as she looks at another pair in the room. The floating one with a similar device to Marine was indeed a pony, although he looked less furry and more like a toy if his shiny white coat was anything to go off of. He also had a shiny black mane, which barely moved at all as he bobbed in the air. The other was a human wearing a gingerbread mask and a large hiking backpack, holding a shotgun.

“What's going on over there?" Luna questioned, beginning to trot over. Immediately, she was teleported back, keeping her away from them.

“That's another admin sit. Best not bother them.” He answered.

“What's an admin sit? Is it similar to an interrogation?" She asked, sitting down on the concrete floor.

“Ehh, sorta. Basically, you break a rule, you get teleported to an admin, they figure out if you're guilty or not, and that decides whether you get banned or not.” He quickly explained.

“Anyway, here." Marine said, dropping a stack of green paper in front of her, which showed ‘$10,000’ in white text on top. Luna assumed I was human currency and grabbed it in her magic.

“No no, grab it with your hoof.” He insisted, staring at her.

“Why? Is magic frowned upon in this world?" She asked.

“No, because if you don't physically touch it, then you haven't officially collected it, and if I just return you to the city, it'll get stolen very quick.” He explained.

“But I do not-” Marine huffed and grabbed the money out of the air with his device, which drew a blue line between the device and the money. She marveled at it the second before he tossed it at her. She yelped in surprise ad it impacted her body, taking a step back, but instead of it falling to the ground, like normal, it disappeared as she heard a click.

“There." He stated. “It's safely attached to your account." He informed her.

He grabbed her with his device, lifting her.

“Before we go, be warned: do not walk under signs that say KOS or AOS.” He informed her, before flying through a wall with her in town. They were quickly taken to a park-like area with multiple copies of one specific blue shirt human holding the same device as him, but unmoving.

He dropped her within these creatures. “You should have a physics gun too." He told her, gesturing at the device in his hands.

“For you, just…" He trailed off, thinking of a way that she could equip said physics gun.

“Try thinking ‘equip physgun’ or something.” He said. Before he could continue, a radio hidden on his body spoke in a loud, barely discernible and extremely crackly voice.

“ApplesWorth, we need you for a sit.” The radio said, quickly ceasing the static with a beep.

“Oh, gotta go. Good luck!" Marine said, disappearing nearly instantly after finishing.

“Wait, what do I do?!" She exclaimed quickly, reaching out to where he once was. She huffed and lowered her hoof with force, slamming it down on the concrete with a thunk.

A human approached her. The name she saw hovering above his head read ice.

“Hey, you got a second?" He asked. “Good. Follow me." He quickly said, not giving her time to answer. She decided to explore this place and followed him out of one of the two tunnels that lead out of the park area.

As soon as they passed the sign that said ‘leaving spawn’, He whipped out a shotgun and pointed it at her.

“Drop $1500 or die." The human ordered. Her eyes widened as she realized that she had not yet learned how to do anything other than walk and talk.

“Umm…" She said, sweating as she tried to find out how to drop money in this world.

“H-How does one-”

“NOW!" She ‘eep’ed at the sudden interruption, shrinking slightly away from the man in fear.

“B-But I don't know how!" She fearfully admitted.

“Slash drop $5000.” He growled.

“And how do I do that?!" She exclaimed. She yelled as he took a step closer.

“This is fucking dumb." He cursed, his weapon disappearing as his limbs dropped to his side.

“I'm not gonna try and mug a new player." He said, before sprinting away. She watched him depart as her heart settled down. Her eyes lit up as she realized that he had only begun to threaten her past the sign, signifying that ‘spawn’ was a safe space. She quickly bounded back in, sliding to a stop on her rump on the concrete as she returned to her original position in the middle of frozen humans.

She began breathing heavily, the impact of this situation finally dawning on her.

‘If I die here, I may not return home.’ She deduced with a scared look. ‘So I must survive until I can speak with Marine again.’ Her thoughts were interrupted as the mugger who had recently targeted her appeared in front of her, holding the same shotgun.

“Damn that fucking Gaster Blaster." He mumbled, reloading his weapon. He suddenly turned to look at her. She gasped as her ears flattened against her head. He did nothing, opting instead to sprint back into the fray of this doomed city. Her eyes lit up as she recognized a solution to her problem.

That got her thinking. ‘Since the inhabitants of this city are reincarnated immediately upon death, then I can murder humans, get arrested, and hopefully get an audience with Marine!’ She thought, squeeing with a smile at her plan. ‘It's foolproof!’

Her expression did not change as she stood up. ‘First, I need a weapon.’ She thought, looking around. After finding nothing in the spawn, she hesitantly decided to leave spawn to find a weapons dealer. She slowly trudged out of the tunnel, peeking over her shoulder, glancing in every dark alleyway, and making wide turns around every open door.

She noticed a sign over a door that read:

GUN SHOP

kos if being annoying

She quickly trotted over, still wondering what kos stood for. She entered the shop, a bell announcing her entrance. She noticed a window immediately upon entry. She deduced that it was where trade was being held, as it was the only window that looked like a counter. She also noticed a square tunnel that ran between the closed-off counter and her, which was blocked off on either end. She assumed that it was a secure way of trade as she trotted up to the vacant window.

“Hello?" She hesitantly called, tapping on the window a few times. She hearts thumps upstairs, before another human came down the stairs, walking up to the window and facing her.

“What do you want?" The man asked, obviously irritated.

“U-umm… May I purchase… A-A weapon?” She stuttered, hoping that interrupting whatever the man was doing didn't count as annoying.

“What gun do ya want?" He asked in a rehearsed fashion.

“W-What do you offer?" She nervously asked, rubbing her foreleg with a hoof.

“We got pistols, we got ARs, we got snipers…” He trailed off, presenting the notion that he has more in stock.

“L-Let us assume that I retain no knowledge of thine arsenal." She said.

“I think a Glock's the best fit for ya.” He said, walking over to his entire of the square tunnel.

“$5000 buckaroos.” He said, deactivating his end’s wall, placing a peachy L shaped weapon in the center of the tunnel, and reactivating the wall, before deactivating her side.

“J-Just in curiosity, what would occur if I merely… took thine ranged weapon and escaped?” She asked, realizing once again that she has no idea how to drop her money.

“You would get blasted away." He answered. “Doors shut anyway." He tired gestured towards the door she was sure she has left open. She glanced backward, now noticing the large metal plate covering her only escape.

“W-Well, the thing is… Umm…" She looks down, a red tint now adorning her dark blue cheeks.

“What?" He asked impatiently.

“I have no idea how to pay, nor the funds to." She admitted, her ears flattening against her skull.

He stared at her for a moment longer. He reversed the process he had done to give her said weapon, taking it back.

“Get out." He said, walking back upstairs.

“But wait, what about the-” She stopped as she looked at the door, noticing the disappearance of the metal that was previously covering the single door in and out.

She peeked her head out, making sure there was nopony- nobody around before she exited. She gently shut the door behind her with her magic, shuffling back to ‘spawn’, taking a seat on one of the many vacant benches scattered around the safe zone. She knew she could merely sit and wait here for Marine, but she had Royal duties back home!

She stamped a hoof. She had to get back home. She knew Celestia couldn't handle both Luna’s disappearance and the raising and lowering of both the sun and the moon. Her ear flicked to her left as she heard movement. She looked and saw one of the previously frozen humans walking around.

“You! Human!" She called. The man looked around in confusion before his eyes landed on the alicorn waving him over.

“Yes, you! I need your assistance!" She said. He walked over, looking up at her since she towered over him by a foot while sitting on a bench.

“What are the laws of this forsaken land?" She asked.

“Check the top left of your hud." He answered.

She leaned down and whispered into his ear. “Let us assume I don't have a hud.” She said, leaning back to look down at him again.

“Okay, here we go again. The rules are: No RDM, don't break NLR, be respectful-”

“What does RDM stand for?" She asked.

“You're real new, aren't you? RDM stands for random deathmatch. Basically, don't kill a bitch without a good reason.” He explained.

“What if one wanted to be taken into an admin sit?” she asked.

“Go on a killing spree, I guess. They pick up real quick on that." He answered.

“Is there an easier way without breaking any laws?" She asked, hoping she could resolve this without bloodshed.

“Well, I could report you for rdming me.” He mused. “Or I could kill you and-”

“No! Anything but that!" She quickly interrupted with a panicked face.

He stared at her for a moment. “Alright, guess I'll report you.” He stood still.

“So… Are you gonna do anything?" She asked, noticing the fact that humans tended to stand still when doing something was very annoying. Especially since she couldn't tell what they were doing.

“And done! Report submitted!" He announced.

“Do humans do everything telepathically?" She asked.

“... Sure. let's go with that.” He said, before walking away and through what she dubbed ‘the death tunnels’.

Quickly, she was teleported back into the same room that Marine had taken her to. She was facing the same pony as before. She reveled at the fact that she at least got to see another pony.

“Hello, my little pony!" She exclaimed with a smile. “What's brings you here?" Luna asked, deliberately ignoring the fact that the earth pony was floating and holding a physgun. The white pony merely stared at Luna.

“What, is there something on my coat?" She asked, now scanning her body for any mess. “I don't see it." She said turning back to the pony.

She ‘eep’ed again after noticing how close the pony suddenly was, leaning back in an attempt to preserve personal space.

“Are you real?" The pony asked. With their longer mouths, it was very easy to tell if they were speaking or not. With this in mind, she finally noticed that nobody's mouth actually moved when they spoke.

“Of course I am! Why would I not be?" She responded.

“If this ain't a troll," The stallion started, backing up again, allowing Luna to return to a proper sitting position. “Then I'm not one of your ponies, princess.” He finished, the man who reported her appearing beside her.

“What do you mean? You are a stallion, are you not?" She asked. The stallion shook his head.

“Nope, just a player model. Ask whoever sent you here, because I don't have time to deal with you." He said.

“Now," He started again, landing on the concrete with a soft thud. “I got an RDM report. What happened?" He asked.

“Oh, back to business, are we?" She asked, before crossing her hooves and turning away like a disobedient filly. “Then I won't talk to you."

He merely stared at her. “Look, I don't have time for this." He said.

“I have all the time in the world." She lied.

The stallion huffed. “Fine. Then I'll jail you."

Her eyes shot open. “W-Wait, I just wanna-” She started before she was teleported into a jail cell.

She stamped a hoof in frustration. “Phooey.” She said.

“And he said, I want to fuck you, Penne.” The man in the cell beside her began laughing loudly, as did the man two cells over, who the first man was telling the joke to.

“Excuse me, gentlemen.” She called, scooting over to the bars.

“Yeah?" The man replied, turning to face her.

“Doth either of thine fine gentlemen have any knowledge about mine stay in the dungeon?" She asked, adopting the medieval speak once again that she often did with those who weren't close friends or family.

“The fuck did you just say?" The man asked.

“Doth either of-”

“Shut up!" He snapped. Luna quickly complied.

“Stop speaking in that medieval bullshit." He ordered.

“Thy may not-” She began before the man rushed up and banged on the bars, making her jump back with a yelp.

“D-Do not speak to royalty like that.” She said, nervously completing her thought.

“Royalty? Is-is there a fucking Royal job that I don't know about?” The man asked, an angry expression sculpting his features.

“It is not a job, heathen.” She spat with a scowl. She was starting to get irritated by this human.

“Then what is it, huh?" The man asked.

“Uh… U-Umm…” Luna stuttered, unable to think of a term.

“Exactly. Now shut your little horsey mouth before I rip it off!” He threatened.

“I'd like to see you try!" Luna rebutted, reinforcing her statement by stomping a hoof.

“Is that a challenge?” The man growled in a low tone, now clutching a weapon similar to the ‘Glock’ the arms dealer had offered her in his hand.

“W-Well…” She sighed, hanging her head. “No.”

“Good." His Glock disappeared, just as suddenly as it had appeared.

She scooted away from the bars even more, safely placing her out of the man's reach were he to attempt to grab her.

All of a sudden, she was back outside. After the familiar experience of teleportation quickly left her, she raised her head, only to be greeted by the same pony as before.

“Say it," Marine ordered from beside the stallion.

The pony sighed. “I'm sorry for jailing you." He said in a monotone voice.

“And?" Marine continued.

“I'm sorry for jailing you, Princess Luna.” He repeated, this time with the appropriate title.

“Good. Now begone.” He said. The stallion quickly disappeared, likely to handle other troublemakers.

“May I speak with you?" Luna asked.

“Why?" Marine responded, landing in front of her with a thump.

“Can you wake up now?" She asked, giving him the puppy eyes.

He chuckled. “You need to work on that."

Luna pouted. Marine walked up to her and crouched down to her level, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Only for you, Lulu.” He whispered. Suddenly, everything around her began glowing a bright white. It quickly got to a point where it was blinding, but Luna was used to this. She smiled, right before everything went black.

Luna's eyes opened. She was slumped over in her throne, with Marine standing directly in front of her. Luna stretched before asking the obvious question.

“You sleep here?" She asked.

He shook his head. “No. I never sleep."

Confusion painted Luna's face. “Then what was-”

“A daydream." He interrupted. “Nothing more."

Luna looked around, now noticing the sunlight filtering through the stained glass windows depicting the adventures of the mane six, which strangely encased Marine in a godly glow.

“Princess?" Marine asked.

Luna realized she was staring. She cleared her throat and looked away in shame.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-”

“It's okay, princess," Marine said. “I'm used to staring."

She smiled as he turned around, rising to a sitting position as he moved to exit the room post-haste.

Before he passed the doors, however, he stopped.

“Do not forget princess: You are allowed in my dreams anytime." He said. Although unlike normal events like this, such as shutting said doors, he merely stood in the doorway, barring entry to those not allowed entry.

She quietly sighed as she laid her head on her hoof, which rested on the armrest, now free to look over her new best friend. Her smile widened as she planned her next dream with him.

It is gonna be good.

Author's Note:

This is what I call...
A 0 in plotlines!