Comedic Burst of Funniness

by Lunatic God

The Infiltration Pt. 2

Ghosts Golf Two Five and Golf Two Six sprinted through the Everfree forest in the dead of night, completely visible in order to save their cloaks’ power for a fight, silently leaping over fallen logs and dodging around trees as the rain pitter pattered on and around them.

They had recently arrived at rendezvous point Charlie Papa Sierra, each retrieving a CS-YippeeKiYay and a C-01r, and were currently enroute to the long abandoned ruins of the Castle of the Two Sisters, having tracked Tirek to a stop there.

As they ran, a pony appeared, specifically the zebra who resided in a hut, galloping towards them with a fearful look on her face. Problem was, they had already passed her.

“Enemy,” the left Ghost, Golf Two Five, said, raising his YippeeKiYay and quickly leveling it at the zebra’s head as the other ghost pulled out his C-01r and crouched, before a squad of pony shaped bug creatures charged through the treeline at Golf Two Six, one of them knocking the weapon out of his hands with a blast of magic.

“Ambush!” The now unarmed Ghost exclaimed, grabbing the closest one by the neck as he jumped, slamming him to the ground and embedding his PSI blade into his skull before rolling away from another spell.

Having been distracted for merely a second, Two Five refocused on his target, who was suddenly in his face. Surprised, he pulled the trigger, blasting a clean hole through the zebra turned bug pony with a spray of green blood as a loud bang echoed through the forest. It fell to the ground limp as he switched his YippeeKiYay for the assault rifle on his back, raising the weapon as he turned to help his comrade, mowing down the rest of the squad with searing plasma that went straight through their chitin as Two Six chopped the head clean off of the one he was fighting, pushing it off and getting to his feet.

“Lord-” Two Five started into the radio, before being interrupted by static.

“Overwatch, this is Golf Two Five, do you copy?” He asked. He got no answer.

“Communications are down. Likely-” He was interrupted again as the ground began to rumble. They both looked in the direction the fake zebra came from, watching as an army of bug ponies stampeded towards them.

“Shit.” They said in unison.

---

Marine leaned over the holographic map of the ruins of the castle and the surrounding forest, watching as a humongous force of Changelings descended upon the Ghosts. They fought well and as a team, taking out nearly half their forces, but one of them eventually went down, soon followed by the other. He watched as the mass of red dots depicting the remaining enemies returned to the castle, rejoining the forces twice as large inhabiting the above ground ruins and the decaying catacombs and dungeons, which was still only a quarter of the entire Changeling army, protecting the single yellow dot in the throne room.

“‘Twas too late to warn them,” the Princess of the Night sighed from her chair beside the table as Marine stood straight, turning left and approaching the wall mounted map of the entirety of Equestria, watching his forces throughout Equestria do their jobs, his hands behind his back and squeezing them in frustration.

“Indeed it was.” Marine agreed, before laying his eyes on the slightly smaller mass of blue dots in and around Canterlot.

“How goes Royal Night Guard training?” He asked the Princess.

“It goes well. Two new recruits, Green Woods and Stone Mason, have far surpassed my expectations, and show great promise under Captain Hudson.” She informed him.

Marine stayed quiet, thinking back to similarly named characters back on Earth.

“I plan to put them in a squad, far earlier than other recruits, and begin live fire drills.” She continued.

“After their training is complete, I want Woods and Mason to be a Black Ops squad under Captain Hudson.” Marine ordered.

“May I ask why you chose these particular recruits from the other prodigies?” The Princess asked.

“If they’re anything like their similarly named counterparts back on Earth, they’ll be valuable assets in the field.” Marine explained. “That being said, I want a list of names of every recruit, registered Royal Night and Day Guards, and every captain.” Marine commanded.

“So you want the names of literally the entire Equestrian military force?” Luna asked with a deadpan stare.

“Yes.” He answered simply.

Luna sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

---

“Metal Zero Four, this is Overlord.” Shining Armor said over the radio, having taken up Princess Celestia’s position as she dealt with the growing royal duties that came with impending war. “The mission objective is to reach the entrance hall to the throne room located at the center of the castle and place the transmitter for VEGA to lock onto.” As he spoke, Private Lone Feather entered through the empty hole that was the front gates, holding his suppressed M4A1 in his extremely dexterous wings as he stalked along the rotting concrete floor, following cracked walls and checking shady corners with nearly silent hoofsteps, the only sound being the crickets outside the ruins and the voice in his ear.

“Most of the castle is unguarded, with the exception of the throne room, the armory, and the catacombs. Most of the main changeling army resides here, so do not alert them unless absolutely necessary. Take out any guards in the entrance hall, place the device, and as soon as the Doom Slayer makes his way into the fight, enter the portal and get the buck out. He will deal with at least three fourths of the hostile forces there, and drive the rest to retreat right into our perimeter.”

“Do not get spotted. Overlord out.”

Soon after Overlord’s last words, Lone Feather slowly peeked around a corner with his gun, looking at the long and tall room with no ceiling leading to large and rotten wooden doors. In front of said doors, sat a long changeling, looking wilted with a half distraught, half depressed look on his face. The bug pony wasn’t even looking up to watch for intruders.

He knew that feeling from experience, and couldn’t bring himself to kill the poor ling, no matter how quick and painless. Instead, he silently approached him, weapon trained on his thighs, which did not have holes in them. If the changeling had heard him, he didn’t care, and Lone Feather soon stopped behind him. Lone Feather quietly and slowly laid his weapon on the ground, then darted forward, wrapping his left hoof over the ling’s muzzle to stop him from speaking and cut off his airways as his right hoof pinned his holed forelegs to his chest. The ling’s eyes widened in fear and he fruitlessly mumbled under the private’s hoof as he struggled, but a single changeling couldn’t hold his own to a Royal Guard, or be expected to, and he quickly went limp in the private’s hooves.

With the ling dealt with, he carefully dragged him to the middle of the room, then laid him on the ripped and discolored carpet, both of them facing away from the door. Lone Feather reached into his saddlebags with his muzzle and pulled out a small red crystal, shaped like a generic diamond, and placed it on the ground in front of him, before quickly pulling away the unconscious changeling.

The crystal crackled with energy once, twice, three times, then did nothing for a few moments. Then suddenly, it flew into the air before stopping at the height of a human’s waist, then immediately dissolved into pure red crackling energy, growing into a wide oval shape.

Moments later, the Doom Slayer stepped through, facing the pony and bug pony with a combat shotgun in hand. The Slayer looked down at the changeling, and Lone Feather had to act fast before the ling was slaughtered without remorse.

“He’s a prisoner.” Lone Feather quietly informed the Slayer. In response, the human looked up and locked eyes with the private for a second, before stepping around them, calmly walking towards the doors with quiet thumps. Lone Feather watched him approach his victims for a second, then carefully sliding his head under the changeling’s side and lifting him onto the private’s back, holding him steady with his wings. He took one last glance at the Slayer before turning around, hearing a song begin to play from behind him as he entered the portal, which disappeared soon after.

Author's Note:

I named and published the first part with the intent to keep at least somewhat of a plot in this amalgamation of crossovers, so I'll try to keep at least this storyline intact.

Now for a bit of viewer interaction: The next Infiltration chapter will for sure be after the Doom Slayer's battle with the Changelings. The question is, should it be from the perspective of the Doom Slayer, or Private Lone Feather?

"RIP AND TEAR, BROTHERS! RIP AND TEAR UNTIL IT IS DONE!"
- Crabz, Circa 2019