My Voice Ain't Loud and My Mind's a Wreck, but My Friends Keep Me Sane

by Dead_Mares

Ch. 5; Snow and Confessions

Booker groaned and rubbed his tired eyes. "Eugh. I feel like shit," he mumbled, squinting at the sunlight streaming in through the window. Hangovers were nothing new to him by this point, but he must've really had a lot to drink the night before. Most of it was a blur, and he couldn't recall much after he'd finished eating dinner.

The smell of Zero's apple-cinnamon oats was wafting in through the open door, and Booker smiled to himself. Prior to living with the older pony the most he'd eat for breakfast was a couple slices of toast. He really enjoyed all of the small things Zero did. He needed to thank him sometime soon.

"Oh yeah, speaking of which," Booker thought to himself. Zero had said something about waiting until he was sober to try and figure out his feelings for Hailstorm. "Hmm. I still feel like she's the right kind of pony for me, and just thinking about her makes me feel happy," he thought, feeling his face flush slightly. Hailstorm was really cool and a lot of fun to be around. She had a tough outside and was pushy but not obnoxious, and she had a softer, kind part of her deep inside that he had caught glimpses of. There wasn't a single thing he could think of that he didn't like about her, but to be fair, they hadn't exactly known each other for long.

Booker shook his head, clearing the embarrassing thoughts. As much as he liked Hailstorm, there was no way she'd fall for a pony like him. More than likely he'd never end up seeing her again. He sighed and rolled slowly out of bed before walking out of the bedroom and to the stairs, trying to not make any quick movements as to avoid worsening his headache.

The sound of faint voices coming up the stairs made Booker freeze, and he raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I guess Hailstorm hasn't left yet," he thought. He'd expected her to be long gone by the time he worked up the energy to get out of bed, so he was a bit surprised to hear that she was still there. He took a deep breath to calm his heart that had already started racing, and walked down the stairs to the living room.

"Thanks again. Can you tell Booker I'm sorry for not saying bye? I really should get home now," Hailstorm said to Zero, standing in the middle of the living room with her back turned toward Booker. She'd just finished putting on her coat and she was reaching for her scarf, which was lying on the table.

Zero nodded from his position halfway inside the kitchen. "No problem. And I'll tell him, don't-" he broke off when he saw Booker standing on the stairs, and he gave him a warm smile. "Actually, I don't think I need to."

Hailstorm turned around, and Booker thought he'd imagined a flicker of happiness cross her face. "Oh, you're awake! From the way Zero made it sound I didn't think you'd be up until past ten."

Booker rubbed his eyes sleepily and walked down the last couple steps. "Normally I wouldn't be, but Zero left the curtains open again."

"Sorry," Zero said with a shrug before disappearing into the kitchen.

"Well, sorry I can't stay, but I really do need to go. I had a really good..." Hailstorm had finished putting on her scarf and had glanced at Booker, but something had apparently caught her attention as her voice faded out and she stared at something underneath him.

Booker raised an eyebrow and glanced down, and then mentally facehoofed himself for not wearing something to cover his scars. "Oops. Forgot about that." He looked back up at Hailstorm. "Umm, it's a bit of a long explanation."

Hailstorm shook her head and stepped closer to Booker. "That's okay, you can tell me next time we hang out."

Booker felt his heart catch in his chest. "You really want to?"

"Of course. I really enjoyed last night. You're a lot of fun to be around," Hailstorm said.

Booker smiled shyly and looked away. He could feel his cheeks burning, and there was no way Hailstorm didn't notice. "Sounds great. What time?"

"How about next Saturday at noon by the lake?"

Booker nodded. "I can do that."

Hailstorm grinned at him. "Awesome. See you then," she said. She glanced at the kitchen before giving Booker a quick hug, then she walked outside and disappeared through the door with one last wave.

Booker stared after her, feeling his heart pound in his chest. She actually wanted to meet up with him again. Hailstorm, the pony who he felt his best and his happiest around, had asked him out on a date. Well, she hadn't explicitly stated that it was a date, but he was taking it as one.

"Wow, what did she do that made you so silent?" Zero asked jokingly.

Booker shook his head and turned to face Zero, who was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. "Nothing," he said, knowing full well the redness of his face gave away the lie.

Zero raised an eyebrow and snorted. "Mhm. Come on, I didn't wake you up early and make a bunch of extra food to have it go cold."

Booker furrowed his brows. "You left the curtains open on purpose? Why?"

"So you could talk to Hailstorm before she left, duh. I was hoping you'd wake up soon enough to eat breakfast with her, but I guess your hungover ass was even more knocked out than usual."

Booker laughed. "Yeah, I was. I had a lot to drink last night."

"Really? I never noticed," Zero joked. "Now come eat, there's still plenty left."

Booker nodded and walked toward the kitchen. "Okay." It really was amazing how much Zero looked out for him. From the moment he'd moved to Ponyville, he'd been like an older brother. Well, a brother with one obvious exception, but he'd still been there for Booker in every sense of the phrase. "Oh, and Zero? Thank you."

---

Booker and Hailstorm collapsed in the snow under the setting sun, their sides sore from laughter and their legs aching from exhaustion and the cold. They'd spent the better part of the day messing around, doing things like sliding down the snowy mountains, throwing snowballs at unsuspecting ponies, throwing snowballs at each other, and anything else they could come up with. They'd talked about Booker's past earlier that day, and while Hailstorm was understanding, he got the feeling she thought what he did was an overreaction, even if she was too nice to say it out loud. Honestly, he fully agreed with her.

"Wow, it's been a while since I just took the time to have some fun," Hailstorm said after taking a moment to catch her breath. "Working on the farm takes up most of my time."

Booker rolled over onto his side to face Hailstorm. "Oh yeah, I forgot you lived at Sweet Apple Acres. What's it like there?"

Hailstorm shrugged. "It's alright. I definitely miss our old home, but the Apples are nice to be around. Big Mac and Sugar Belle just had their colt, so he's been too busy to take care of much else recently. Mom and I help out with some of the work. I guess you could think of it as our rent."

"That makes sense," Booker said. "It's good that it's tolerable, at least."

Hailstorm nodded. "Yeah. Oh, that reminds me," she said as she pushed herself into a sitting position. "I talked to my mom about my dad again."

Booker sat up and brushed some snow out of his mane. "You did? What'd she say?"

"She was more understanding this time, but she didn't tell me much. She said it was still too much for her to think about, even over fifteen years later, and she wants a bit more time. Dealing with emotional pain was never a quality of hers."

Booker raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's why she wouldn't tell you before?"

Hailstorm nodded. "I'm still a little upset that she couldn't have told me that sooner, but I can at least understand her reasoning now. And apparently anything she had left of him was destroyed along with our house. That's why there aren't any pictures or anything."

"Oh. Yeah, that all makes more sense now," Booker commented. "Is that really enough for you, though?"

Hailstorm nodded again. "I think so. For now, anyway. One day when she's ready I'll learn, and that's enough for me."

"That's good, then. I'm glad you'll get to find out some day," Booker said.

"Me too." Hailstorm grabbed some of her red mane and started playing with it, trying to hide some of the heat building in her cheeks. "Thanks, by the way."

Booker cocked his head. "For what?"

"For being here, I guess. For listening. I never would have asked my mom about my dad again if you hadn't suggested it. I just would have kept believing my assumptions about her, and I probably would've stayed cold toward her for the rest of my life," Hailstorm said after a moment.

"That's what friends are for. I'm happy I could help," Booker replied.

Hailstorm nodded and continued playing with her mane. "I'm thinking about letting it grow out to its natural color," she said after a while.

"Really?" Booker asked in surprise.

"Yeah. I don't really have a reason to keep dyeing it anymore. It's kind of a hassle to deal with, really."

Booker nodded. "I think if you want to, then you should. It's your decision."

Hailstorm turned her head away. After a moment she stretched her forelegs before flopping back into the snow. "Ah, today's been a lot of fun."

"Yeah," Booker agreed as he laid back in the snow. The two of them sat there for a while, just relaxing under the dying light of day.

"Hold on a minute," Booker thought to himself. He scowled at a cloud floating above him, trying to remember the exact wording of their conversation. "I'm getting the feeling I unintentionally just friendzoned Hailstorm. Not once, but twice." He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Oops. I should probably say something to fix that. The sooner, the better." This side of relationships was never something he was good at, the guesswork at what the other pony was really saying. Flirting with him was like flirting with a brick wall.

After desperately trying to figure out what to say for a few seconds, Booker decided to open his mouth and pray that whatever came out wasn't complete nonsense. Just as he was about to speak, though, Hailstorm spoke up.

"You know, you really are as dense as my mom's pound cake," Hailstorm said.

Booker laughed. "I know. I'd always overthink everything as a foal, so I guess I kind of taught myself to take everything at face value."

"Well, I don't think I can be any more obvious than this," Hailstorm said as she rolled onto her side. Her face was almost as red as her mane, and Booker had a feeling he knew what she was going to say before the words even left her mouth. "I think I'm in love with you."

Booker shifted uncomfortably in the snow. There was no way somepony like her could come to that conclusion if she were sane. "Are you drunk?"

Hailstorm hit Booker in the shoulder with one forehoof. "No! And before you ask, this isn't a joke, either."

"But why me? There are easily fifty other stallions here who would have been a better choice," Booker said.

Hailstorm raised an eyebrow. "There are only about fifty other stallions our age in all of Ponyville."

"Exactly."

Hailstorm shook her head and sighed. "Look. Believe it or not, I've thought long and hard about this. Even if you can't see the good in yourself, there's plenty about you to love. And we may have been drunk, you can't seriously tell me you didn't feel an immediate connection last week." Booker hesitated for a moment, so she continued. "I won't hurt you like your ex did, if that's something you're worried about."

"You promise?" Booker asked.

Hailstorm nodded. "I swear on my life. Loyalty is one of the things I inherited from my mom."

"Okay." Despite himself, Booker couldn't help but smile. Hailstorm didn't seem like she was lying. She really did love him. "I love you too, by the way."

"Good. Now was that so hard? We could have skipped that whole conversation if you'd just trusted me," Hailstorm asked jokingly. "Oh, and that means you have to stop fucking Zero."

Booker laughed. "Yeah, I guess I still kind of need to learn to trust ponies again. And I already have, don't worry. I think he must've gotten suspicious about us."

"Okay. And while you're learning to trust again, I'll also teach you how to value yourself, since I'm so good at that," Hailstorm said as she puffed out her chest.

"I'm guessing that's something else you inherited from your mom?" Booker joked.

"Yeah, 'spectacular ego' is just one of many things. I can't cook, either. Remember when I said you were denser than my mom's pound cake? You could fight a dragon with one of those things. They're horribly inedible. There's a reason neither of us help out with the cooking at the Apples' farm."

Booker chuckled. "Well, luckily I'm decent at cooking, so we don't have to worry about that anyway."

"Hmm, moving quickly, are we? You might just be fast enough to keep up, after all," Hailstorm said jokingly. At least, Booker thought she was joking.

"Oh, um, I wasn't really implying..." Booker stammered, realizing the implication of what he'd said.

Hailstorm laughed and shook her head. "Don't worry, I'm not planning on moving out just yet. But if we do get that far, you'll be doing the cooking."

"Okay, but you don't get to complain about what I make."

"Deal." Hailstorm sat up and stretched her forelegs. "Man, it's getting late. I should probably head home soon," she said.

Booker nodded in agreement. "Yeah. It's starting to get really cold, too."

"Yep." Hailstorm stood up and shook the snow from her mane. "Oh, and I don't usually like PDA, but I'll make an exception this one time," she said as she leaned in and gave Booker a quick kiss on the lips, taking him by surprise. She then walked a few steps away and waved to him with one wing before taking off into the air.

"That really just happened," Booker mumbled. He pulled himself to his hooves and shook himself, trying to clear the butterflies that had formed in his stomach. Something in the back of his mind earlier that day had told him that the day was likely to end somewhat like this, but he'd just pushed the thought off, assuming he was looking into things too much. After all his years of being the shy pony nopony talked to or enjoyed being around, he now had a stable job, an enjoyable hobby, and now, a girlfriend who loved him just as much as he loved her.

Booker smiled to himself, not caring how red his face probably was at that point as he happily trotted home. It had taken a while, but he finally felt like he mattered to somepony. There were ponies around him now who cared about him. Friends, and maybe even a future family. He felt happy, truly happy, for the first time in his recent memory. It was all he'd ever really wanted.